DANI’S husband, Tucker, gave birth to their daughter. The couple have been together for three years, married for eight months and are polyamorous. They decided early into their relationship that they wanted to have children and originally planned for Dani to carry their first baby. Tucker told Truly: “I’m a trans man and we were trying to have her get pregnant and expand our family and then I ended up pregnant with a partner and it was the best–” “The best thing that ever happened to us,” finished Dani. Their daughter Maya was born four months ago and the couple are embracing parenthood. Through the help of an induction method, Dani has even been able to breastfeed. She said: "Through breastfeeding her, lactating, I’ve been able to find my own role and I absolutely love it.” The couple plan to take an open, honest and age-appropriate approach to informing Maya about how Tucker gave birth to her and how they are poly. Tucker shared his story as a trans dad from the beginning and has received a lot of negativity online with people saying they should have their child taken away or that they’re not fit to be parents. Tucker said “We get a lot of judgemental comments saying ‘this is wrong in every sense’. I don’t understand how it’s wrong, we’re creating a life and giving a very loving and welcoming environment.” The couple are planning to have their second child via sperm donor with Dani carrying this time. How would they describe their family? Dani said: “Abnormally normal is a great way to put it. I think we have a very unique family set up but aside from that, we do all the normal things any other family would do.”
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00:00My husband gave birth to our baby.
00:02Hey girl, hi.
00:03Call her a little gay miracle.
00:04We're poly.
00:05I ended up pregnant with a partner.
00:07I get judged as a trans dad.
00:09You wanted to be a man and men don't have babies.
00:12Our child should be taken away from us.
00:15That we aren't fit parents.
00:17Hey!
00:18Hi.
00:19How did you feel when you found out Tucker was pregnant?
00:22Surprised to say the least.
00:27We done with nap time.
00:29Hi.
00:30My name's Tucker.
00:31My name's Danny.
00:32Our daughter's name is Maya and she's four months old.
00:35I think we're pretty good parents.
00:37We have a lot of fun with her.
00:39We've been together for about three years.
00:41And married for eight months.
00:43We met at work.
00:44We were both nurses during COVID.
00:46And we met and became friends and got really close.
00:48I had really started to develop feelings for her.
00:51So I thought, let's give it a shot.
00:53Got some happy feet.
00:55We decided that we wanted to have kids early on.
00:58We originally expected me to carry the baby.
01:02I was actually doing fertility testing.
01:05I'm a trans man.
01:06And we were trying to have her get pregnant and expand our family.
01:10And then I ended up pregnant with a partner.
01:12And it was the best.
01:14Best thing that ever happened to us.
01:16Yes.
01:17Were you polyamorous from the start of your relationship?
01:20It was my idea to do it.
01:22At the time I identified as asexual.
01:24I wasn't, I didn't have much of a drive.
01:27And she is completely opposite to me.
01:29He wanted to make sure I had the freedom to explore all of my options.
01:33Whether that be with men, women or otherwise.
01:35How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?
01:38We clearly weren't expecting pregnancy.
01:41So I thought I was having like gas issues and she went to go buy me medication.
01:47But because we were already trying to get her pregnant, we had a bunch of pregnancy tests.
01:52And like in the back of my mind, I was just like, just check, just check.
01:56And it came up positive.
01:58I walked around the living room for like 20 minutes going, oh , oh , oh , oh .
02:02I was thrilled right away.
02:04We call her a little gay miracle.
02:06Sparkles and all.
02:07Sparkles and all.
02:09How many of these headbands does Maya have?
02:12Do you like coordinating her outfits?
02:14Maya has an unknown amount of headbands, but I'm guessing at least 50.
02:20Would you say?
02:21They can't see us.
02:24I love coordinating her headbands.
02:26How have you been able to breastfeed?
02:29I found out that there was an induction method that's used for adoptive moms and also can be used with transgender women.
02:36I take a medication.
02:38These are my portable breast pumps.
02:40So I have my pumps in now.
02:42They are suctioning.
02:44And I can wear them with a shirt on like this.
02:47Hi.
02:49Through breastfeeding her, lactating, I'm able to find my own role.
02:54And I absolutely love it.
02:56I like personally that she has a little bit of me in her.
02:59And I'm able to give her antibodies.
03:01I'm able to give her those good healthy nutrients that are in breast milk.
03:05When do you plan to tell Maya about how you gave birth to her?
03:09Anytime she asks, we're going to be honest with her in an age-appropriate level.
03:14I think that kids can understand any concept as long as you do it on the level educational-wise that they can understand.
03:20How will you explain that you're poly with Maya?
03:24I think when it's time to explain to Maya that we're poly, it's going to be pretty easy of a conversation.
03:30We don't hide our partners.
03:32So if those people are important enough to be around in our life, then they're going to know her and she's going to have questions about who they are pretty quickly.
03:42So I think just being able like, oh, that's Papa's boyfriend or that's Papa's girlfriend or that's Mama.
03:48Like, I think it's going to be an easy explanation.
03:50Since they're not living with us, they have their own personal private lives. We don't involve them in Maya's childcare.
03:58There you go.
03:59When did you decide to start sharing your story on social media?
04:03We are at 38 weeks now.
04:06I encouraged him sharing his story at the beginning.
04:09Miss Maya. Hey!
04:15I did receive judgment for being trans and pregnant.
04:19We didn't really have any face to face judgment.
04:22No.
04:23Online was a very different story though.
04:25The worst comment that I think we've gotten would be the ones saying that they're going to come find us and that they're going to hurt Maya because of my status.
04:36We get a lot of judgmental comments saying this is wrong in every sense.
04:41I don't understand how it's wrong.
04:43We're creating a life and giving a very loving and welcoming environment.
04:48We've had a bunch of comments saying that our child should be taken away from us.
04:52That we aren't fit parents.
04:54They know nothing about our home and who we are as parents.
04:58Who we are as parents, yeah.
04:59Why is he pregnant and not her?
05:01That's a big one for you.
05:03Males cannot have children.
05:06I feel so sorry for this child.
05:09The world has seriously gone mad.
05:11I'm sorry your child will need therapy for the rest of its life.
05:15There's a block button for a reason.
05:18We're used to the comments.
05:19I think people are very misinformed.
05:21People think that children can adjust to a different kind of family unit, but they can.
05:26I think people's general confusion, whether they say it in a very mean, judgmental way or a kind way, is why Tucker would want to give birth to a child, which they commonly associate with a woman, when he identifies as a man.
05:39You know, I had to transition for my life when I was younger and that was for me to be able to live.
05:45But then having been married and wanting to like grow my family with you, it didn't matter what womb we used to do that for me.
05:53So it wasn't like a man or a woman kind of thing.
05:55Like it's really no comment on either gender.
05:58It's just the fact that I had the system that worked and that we could use at the time.
06:03And we wanted a family.
06:04And we wanted a family.
06:05Hello.
06:06Hi.
06:07How are you doing?
06:09Good.
06:10My parents have supported me so much.
06:13They washed the baby for us.
06:15They've helped Tucker and us during his pregnancy.
06:17My mama.
06:18How did you feel when you found out Tucker was pregnant?
06:22Surprised to say the least.
06:24When I found out Tucker was pregnant, Danielle had called me and I was expecting to hear that she was pregnant.
06:31And then she told me he was pregnant and I know I was totally silent on the telephone for a while because I really didn't know what to say.
06:40I was very happy, but I was very worried then.
06:43I knew we could handle it.
06:44It was not going to be a problem.
06:46But you always wonder how other people are going to act.
06:51And that was a big concern.
06:53It has made me very happy to see just how good they are at what they're doing.
06:58When I had questions about things, like I just kind of go to, I just go to you and I'm like, hey, should they be doing this yet?
07:05Please tell me.
07:06Yeah.
07:07I've gotten to hear you were right, mom, more than once, which has been really good.
07:12They're terrific.
07:13There's a lot of love in this family.
07:15Boo.
07:16Are you excited to have a second grandchild?
07:19I'd like to have a second grandchild.
07:21I'm really big on Dani getting the whole experience that she gave me.
07:25So, yes.
07:28We are still going to go back to having Dani try for our second one.
07:34We plan on having our next child be a sperm donor, which was our original plan before Tucker got pregnant.
07:40I think our family is abnormally normal.
07:43Abnormally normal is a great way to put it.
07:45I think we have a very unique family set up.
07:48But aside from that, we do all the normal things any other family would do.
07:53What do you hope for your family for the future?
07:55I want to be safe.
07:57I just want my daughter to be safe and the world to be a little accepting, less hateful.
08:04I can only ask for so much though.