The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Season 1 Episode 5
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00:00I
00:02Have to tell you the team is that happen this weekend my popcorn
00:10Exhausting is it drama
00:13Always who do you think started it?
00:16It sucked the pictures looked good. I saw well don't believe everything you see on social media. I guess why did it suck?
00:24Whitney why don't you like Taylor? I'm not the freakin swinger here
00:28I'm not the one that's going around trying to seduce other people's husbands. Well. I don't work on anything
00:32I'm glad I told him you little twat
00:36What the fuck are you talking about?
00:39It was just a shit show a lot of hurtful things were said and a lot of hurtful things were brought up
00:44Like did it change your relationships with them? It did make me question a couple things
00:49It turned into an absolute bloodbath like everyone's attacking me like coming at me like you said this about this person and done it
00:56He comes up and just starts attacking out of freaking nowhere. She's not your friend
01:02I'm like shit. In fact are any of those girls your friend? No fucking shit. Yeah, they're absolutely not fake
01:06I don't even know like do I really want to be close with anyone like you get all these girls together and you hear that
01:11They're like saying the all these things behind your back. There's a reason I'm like as scared as I am
01:16Yes, you're my only friend. Hey
01:20It was just the icing on the cake
01:22I was like she found out after the girls trip mom talk is very fractured at the moment
01:27I don't think anyone knows where we stand and I don't know how we fix things. You've got to decide how to move forward
01:52I
02:22Front row parking. I love we're just all going to swig at 3 p.m. Together. I know I've seen my Mormon crack
02:29Exactly to me Whitney was here
02:33No
02:35No, really
02:42The girls trip was a bit of a mess so at this point I feel a little bit more comfortable with Leila and Jesse
02:49Definitely a Fruity Pebbles
02:55Could I do a 32 ounce, Texas tab
02:59Utah is like land of the Mormon bar, which are all the soda shops that we have. There's one on every corner
03:04We don't drink alcohol or do drugs. And so it's kind of our vice
03:11My soda order is very specific. I'm gonna do a
03:1644-ounce spider and did you want that was sparkling or flat water clean please sparkling water?
03:2144 ounce sparkling water with sugar-free coconut sugar-free vanilla sugar-free raspberry
03:27sugar-free pineapple and coconut cream chef's kiss
03:31Can I do a bloody wild add coconut cream six out of the seven days of the week?
03:36I'm having at least one 44 ounce. Yes, the 44 ounce and I drink it and like an hour
03:42I'm probably only gonna live to like 50, but makes me happy. I love you
03:52You guys talked about that situation, you know, you think she's gonna come to your divorce party on Thursday
03:59Whitney doesn't come to anything. That's uncomfortable
04:02So no like she didn't come to the shower
04:05We're supposedly friends. So if she doesn't come on Thursday just because you I'd be like
04:09Grow up and mom talk right now. It's a little bit awkward, but I'm really excited for this divorce party
04:16I invited all the girls all of their husbands a couple of my other friends even Whitney
04:21I think she even got your voice memo. Do you think she blocked you? I don't know if she blocked my number
04:25I know she's blocked me on everything else. I would not be surprised. She leaves the group message blocks you on tick-tock box on Instagram
04:29Why wouldn't she do that? Yeah, the Queen Bee has officially left the group chat. I
04:35I
04:37Can't say I'm shocked because Whitney makes very dramatic decisions based off of emotion
04:42But I am a little shocked at the same time because it was a very public fuck you to all of us
04:47She didn't tell anyone she was doing it, but she did it because she wanted us to see it
04:51I think she wanted to ruffle some feathers and I think she wanted to see who was gonna check on her afterwards
04:56I'm done
04:58No, babe, first of all, don't run away
05:02Second of all an apology would be nice when you do something. Well, it was like a breakthrough moment
05:06It could have been gone the other way, but instead it was worse because she couldn't own up to it
05:10Yeah, if you have a problem with me or you're upset with me
05:12It's your responsibility to come to me and I don't want to cater to the victim mentality
05:17I really don't we've seen enough of that with her that I'm like, I don't want to be that person
05:21That's constantly like Oh Whitney. You left the group chat. Oh Whitney. You blocked me. There's so much rage
05:26I'm like, you know those places that you go there like the rage rooms. Oh, wait, you know cuz I would love that
05:31Is that a real thing? Yes, we could literally go like axe throwing or like a rager. We're like paintballing
05:35Yeah, something to just get our aggression out. Should I invite Whitney?
05:44Because think about it if you were to invite us all where would you put it the group message?
05:48She chose to leave that. Yeah
05:50I also feel like Taylor and Whitney both have these like
05:53dominant alpha
05:54personalities and it's kind of been a power struggle of who's Queen B of the group and now that Whitney's left the chat and
06:00Taylors like doesn't really care. Are you our new Queen B?
06:03At times I'm like the voice of the group like you are cuz you're willing to say uncomfortable things. Yeah
06:09Yeah, I look around and I'm like anyone else when you were like does anyone yeah, but to be honest
06:14I do think you would be a better leader
06:17Sure, not true sure
06:20Because Whitney's the type that like manipulates Taylor really doesn't care she was just kind of put not position
06:25I'm just here at this point. Yes
06:27To like have a backbone and be our spokesperson
06:30I don't necessarily need to be the Queen B or the leader per se
06:35however, if mom talk is to survive, I do think that we need someone to come in and
06:41Lead the group in a sense of what we want mom talk to be and kind of bring it back to why it was
06:46Originally started in the first place and I think that I could definitely get the job done
06:50Whitney wants it so bad that it's just like yeah, it's cringy
06:54Yeah, and like if she's a true follower of Christ you seek to understand people and you forgive and you move forward
07:00Yeah, and maybe she's not there right now. I think she's stubborn. I'm over it. Absolutely
07:05You're the new leader of our cult
07:10Oh
07:22More more more more you want to do the zebra again?
07:27What's up
07:30Hey, what are you doing?
07:32trying to make
07:33homemade animal crackers
07:36You with the kids
07:38After the girls trip for my birthday weekend because it was so bad definitely want to talk to Whitney about it
07:43I don't make sure she feels loved and supported but sometimes she's a loose cannon and I just can't predict her next move
07:49Out of curiosity. How do you feel about like the whole mom top group? What do you mean? Like what?
07:55Should we try to get the band together?
07:59Let's be honest
08:01Have we all ever really been genuine real friends or has there always been an agenda has there always been some sort of transaction needed
08:11We didn't meet each other on social media really but we met on social media, would you not hang out with me?
08:19Yeah, that's different I thought you were meaning like as a whole group
08:27It was very transactional and then the swinger drama happened and I feel like
08:31People who are left were like the ones who are more authentic and stuff
08:34But and like wanting to be a friend and not just like an acquaintance. I don't think we're friends. I
08:42Feel like everyone's competitive against each other
08:45Gets easily jealous of each other rude to each other. Like that's not what
08:49Real friends do to each other. I mean, it's a mutual
08:52I don't even feel like anybody wants to fucking be my friend right now. Like I don't sorry
08:57Thank you, I
08:59Feel like I'm trying to convince Whitney to make amends with everyone because I love her
09:03We're great friends
09:04You said like when you went to Hawaii that like you just needed to get away like whatever
09:09I think Whitney tries to act like she doesn't care. But in reality she cares more than anyone mom talk does need Whitney
09:17I think she's a big part of it and I think things could get better if we could all just come together
09:22Maybe have a come-to-jesus little kumbaya hug and kiss whatever. I don't know, but I do feel like there's a way we can make amends
09:29I'm not gonna force anyone to fuck
09:31To effing listen to me. So what I'm gonna do I'm gonna walk away. I'm gonna walk away cuz it's not worth it
09:41Honestly, I'm just so hurt about how that girls trip went down that I just I don't even think I can think clearly right now
09:48I don't think there would be a mom talk if I wasn't there
09:52I have to go but I love you. Um, let me know if you need anything. Okay. I love you. Bye
10:06I
10:07Definitely feel responsible for the divide that has happened
10:12Amongst mom talk because I didn't invite half the girls for my baby blessing
10:17so I'm inviting Taylor and Dakota over to my house to
10:22Hopefully fix that and make sure that I do value our friendship
10:26Gosh, is your house always this clean? I
10:29Live oh, I have a way bad OCD. She is not a nice person if the house isn't clean. Oh my gosh
10:34It's just so cute and small
10:37I think I'm probably like four weeks away from delivering at this point and
10:41Especially after a crazy week for mom talk like the girls and the stress
10:45I feel very overwhelmed and it's now messing with my pregnancy and I feel like I need to take a step back
10:50So that's one thing. I don't want to tolerate and it's unfair to my baby. I can't even process it
10:56How do you excited or how do you feel? Oh, I'm so excited
10:59So today Zach and Jen have this crash course for Dakota to learn everything about a newborn
11:05Although I think Dakota is gonna be a great dad
11:08I don't think he understands how hard it actually is going to be
11:12Everybody always talks about the beginning part and how you don't sleep. It's pretty rough. Is it it's free
11:18Yeah, what are you most nervous about oh
11:21I
11:22Don't know. He has no idea what's coming. You know how to make a bottle
11:27No, I don't hold the baby while he makes the bottle. Can you do that?
11:29Yeah, you help Dakota prepare to become a new dad
11:34we're going to show him how to make a bottle how to change a diaper and how to
11:41Suction boogers out of baby's nose. You got to make the bottle and be able to hold the baby at the same time
11:46Okay, we got to make this like realistic. He's probably crying at this point
11:51You're probably freaking out. Yes, you're rocking him
11:57Put in two scoops
11:59I
12:24Mean you've changed a diaper though, right? Yes
12:30Wipe down his BP. Okay. Do I have can I let go of a leg or kind of I kind of try to like
12:39All right, we're almost done buddy we made it
12:45Okay, sorry, I don't know how the best method of doing this part
12:48I
12:51Know
12:55Okay, okay, okay and then this thing I suck in on right that's the ultimate test sucking snot out of Lucas knows
13:07And then you'll put this right why this is so crazy to me
13:13All right, we're going in. I
13:16Was given for not knowing anything give him a B
13:26Okay, I was through
13:28That is just mind-blowing to me
13:31I don't know if anyone's giving you like a heads up
13:32But like not only is your wife gonna be like super tired for the next couple months, but like girlfriend my wife
13:38No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't say your future wife your wife
13:44Yeah, you can't like time I think Dakota is gonna be a great dad and
13:51We can see like we both want the same things, but he wants marriage right now
13:56You can't be intimate for like the next like three or four months, right?
13:59No, that's what Taylor was telling having this baby out of wedlock may not be ideal in our religion
14:05But I'm not gonna be pressured by
14:08Dakota my parents my family my religion for something. I'm just not ready to do
14:28Touching up tattoos. Yes, and I make it one more. Okay, just a little dainty guy though
14:35I
14:43Today I'm going to get my tattoos touched up and covered up
14:46I have two little dots on my ankle that signify just me and clay in our marriage and I'm excited to be able to turn
14:53A new leaf to be able to celebrate the fact that I'm getting a divorce and make light of something
14:57That's already really hard. Why does everyone get so many tattoos during a divorce?
15:01I
15:05Even though it's not a common thing for us Mormons to maybe be at a tattoo parlor
15:10I will do anything for Leila. Honestly, it's courageous of her to
15:15Walk away from a marriage, especially being LDS and with everything that's going on with mom talk and all the drama
15:22I stand by her wanting to do what's best for her. I
15:26Think I want to get something for my sister. Are you super close to her? No
15:30We're just so damn busy both of our lives and she's about to get married this year
15:34I just feel like we just miss each other in life sometimes
15:36I feel like right now I'm hoping that this tattoo will be like, okay, like I see you. I hope you see me
15:41Yes
15:42Hopefully we can like start to like be a little bit closer cuz like I don't have a close relationship like honestly any of my
15:47Family that sucks and that's like sometimes why I feel like maybe I did rush into the marriage with clay because I craved
15:53That family that I never had purity
15:56Growing up. I did not have a strong family structure in the slightest
16:00I felt always just out of place at home finding the church gave me a sense of belonging and just direction in my life
16:07But I got married when I was 19. We had a shotgun wedding because we got pregnant
16:12We felt like it was the right thing to do. We had a lot of people
16:15Giving their opinions. We already messed up the steps that like are normally
16:20encouraged in the church, so at least we had to do like one thing right by getting married and
16:25I just don't think we ever had a very healthy
16:28Relationship. Honestly, I've been having this idea that I think I should throw some type of like death to divorce
16:35Party and like everyone wearing like black like funeral vibes
16:38Yeah, like just to kind of celebrate me stepping into this new chapter of my life. Oh how many girls that's all I need
16:43I can see you coming into the next phase of your life and I'm excited for you
16:48Not that it's like this huge thing
16:50But what's your plan with dating?
16:51Are you putting it on pause and just kind of focusing on yourself or are you like time to find my man?
16:56I honestly just gonna take it day by day. If somehow I end up meeting my person throughout that awesome
17:02That's things are great. I want that happy life
17:05I've always wanted but I just don't want to rush at this time. I feel like so many times I rush things
17:10Yeah, and then I get in situations like with clay when I'm like, holy shit. Like how did I yeah, I'm here
17:16You don't need to feel guilty or feel shame around getting divorced
17:19I'm not just saying that because I'm sitting here as a divorced woman
17:22But truly like that's what's so beautiful about
17:25Life in general is you have the power of choice and if that wasn't serving you and that didn't work out
17:31It's not the end of the world
17:33Within mom talk. We obviously have this built-in sisterhood and at this time
17:37I feel like Leila really needs us to come together and support her
17:41Unfortunately, it is very culturally normal to stay in a relationship in the Mormon Church strictly to just make the marriage work
17:48I think that Leila is definitely breaking the traditional norm in that sense and I commend her for that. It's not easy to do
17:55Divorce is hard. I'm starting like this new part of my life and like it doesn't have to all be so
18:00sad
18:02Glad I got my girls. I love you
18:11Oh
18:20We're ready this man a sling and smash some shit we have some rage are we in the right place?
18:29Hello everyone, I think the group relationships that were maybe a little bit
18:34Rocky are maybe more stable because we are all seeing similar things
18:39Whitney is not talking to any of us, but I think that the purpose of mom talk is
18:45Incredible and I don't want to let one person ruin the fun
18:48So today we are going to just throw some paint at the walls and just have a blast
18:54I don't want to orange or look like I'm going to jail too bad. Taylor's not here. She could have worn the orange one
19:05I
19:16Like having a great time but Whitney herself got there and it makes me feel really sad
19:26There you go, okay
19:29I
19:32Can just show you this picture
19:34That I saw on social media
19:36Layla, Macy, Micaela to me Jesse. It looks like a paint splatter place. It didn't look like you or Taylor were invited
19:44No, cuz I wasn't invited. Oh, why what didn't she get invited or maybe she did?
19:48She's pregnant. Like maybe they were like she's pregnant. I don't know that's fair, but I'm not pregnant even though I'd like to be
19:58Oh
20:03Well, why do you think you didn't get invited in the first place I didn't get invited because I left the group chat
20:11Oh, yeah, I forgot yeah
20:13I just think it's so funny like Macy called me and she was like we're making things so dramatic again
20:19And I'm like, what what are we making so dramatic? She's like you leaving the group chat now
20:23Everyone's calling me asking me why you left the group chat. I'm like
20:26No one called me you could have called me
20:36If somebody left that group chat, I would immediately call them I would immediately text them and say is everything okay
20:45I'm not saying that's why I did it
20:47I'm not saying I left the group chat so somebody could reach out to me and ask me how I was doing
20:51I left the group chat because I wanted space. I have a message for a witness
20:56Oh
21:00It's no secret obviously I care about what people think about me and it's almost like I feel like people take advantage of that
21:07They know that I'm going to care
21:09So let me make sure that I post a picture on social media and make sure that Whitney's gonna see it
21:14Like I like those are the thoughts that go in my mind. This is exhausting
21:26Where's my husband when I need it?
21:28Mom talk has really helped me grow so fast. I'm launching a business called baby
21:33Mama, it is a line of natal supplements for women who are going through their motherhood journey
21:38I am the breadwinner in my household and I crave like success. Oh my goodness. What made you want to do it?
21:44I'm just like I think even doing IVF because I saw this
21:49Same-sex couple with their surrogate and I was like, oh, that's like their baby mama
21:54Wait, that's a cute name. I'm like technically covers kind of babies. Call it your baby mama
21:58We're doing a photo shoot for it showing that it's for mothers and their motherhood journey, and I invited Taylor
22:04She's been disconnecting from the group lately, and I really want to bring her back in and make her feel comfortable
22:09She's also pregnant, which is perfect for my brand. So it's a win-win
22:17I
22:19Did not invite Dakota, I'm not happy that he's here
22:22This is for women number one and number two, he likes to follow Taylor around like a little puppy dog
22:27It's like she can't do anything by herself
22:37There's like a baby in there like forget sometimes
22:40Boobies, they're so big right now. Oh my gosh. My boobs are huge. They are your little strap is coming
22:46I remember it and I was like you should have a talk with Dakota. Yeah, that's why I brought her today
22:52I'm a little blindsided by Taylor asking me to speak to Dakota at my photo shoot. It's pretty clear
22:58I don't like Dakota and there's also been rumors all over social media that he's cheated on her
23:03Girls are on my tick-tock saying oh, he was just like with my roommate last week or no
23:07Now I'm like, I don't know if I can trust you, you know Taylor
23:10If you found out today that Dakota lied and actually slept with Jenna that night
23:13Would you leave him even though you're having his baby
23:18100,000% would be dead to me
23:19I love Taylor and I obviously want to be a good friend to her
23:22But I've made it very clear that I do not trust Dakota. I do not want to talk
23:28awkward
23:30You
23:37It's bad timing, okay, just because I have to help direct I have to focus. Yeah, I can't focus back to have an intense conversation
23:45Macy and Dakota got heads. So I
23:48Wanted Dakota and Macy to talk because one I love Macy
23:51I think she's a good loyal friend and obviously I love Dakota and want them to see eye to eye because they're they're both just wanting
23:57The best for me, I think and so I don't see why there's like this issue between them
24:02I'm done. I have a conversation, but I feel like we should do it a different time
24:06I think I can come over tomorrow. I have to drop something off to you
24:10Anyways, yeah, I can come to your house if that works. Yeah. Yeah ready for me now
24:15Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it girl
24:18This jacket
24:24Okay, good, so cute bring one hand
24:31Just like that is so cute
24:33Oh
24:42You look so pretty too
24:44Yeah
24:47Good
24:48Look at my stomach is contracting right now. Sorry the baby's stressed. She's like, why is this lady touching me?
24:55Wait, I need to take a video of this
24:58I was just gonna say maybe you could take a few pictures of this one
25:04Like professional, you know, yeah
25:10Dakota is out here trying to get free photos at my photo shoot
25:14He's out here taking his shirt off acting like a weirdo
25:17Like I paid for this is for my brand like this isn't just some like one-off thing. Just get it nice and close
25:24He's certainly not getting any bonus points of me. So we'll see how this talk goes after Leila's divorce party tomorrow
25:29What if you put your hat backwards like I might like that vibe better
25:36Okay, that's perfect
25:59I
26:04Wanted to celebrate this next chapter of my life and
26:08Make an otherwise super sad thing of divorce a little bit more happy and celebrate it with the people that matter to me most in life
26:16Just get everyone together and kiss my last name. Goodbye
26:19I
26:30Was looking everywhere for Leila I was like, where is she I look over and I'm like, is she in a freaking coffin?
26:35No, she's not
26:37Taylor can't come into here. Oh, she can't even step but she can't set foot in a bar or a club. I
26:43Have never been to a divorce party. I
26:46Can't say I personally would have thrown a divorce party, but Leila is definitely one of my closest friends
26:52So I'm excited for this new chapter in her life. Where the F is Leila
26:56I have been here for 30 minutes, and I haven't seen her. I have no idea here
27:00So I bet she's gonna make like a grand entrance. Okay, as a joke. She just rips off a wedding gown a wedding gown
27:05Oh
27:12My gosh look what the hell is she doing here?
27:22I'm actually surprised to see Whitney here to be honest
27:25It's very bold of her to show up especially after leaving the group chat and not
27:31confronting any of us
27:33I'm glad Whitney showed up. I do want to give her a chance to you know
27:37Talk through her feelings and if she's willing to do that, why not?
27:42Whitney and I'm actually I'm surprised she's coming
27:45But I'm also happy that she's not like running away from the group and running away from the issues
27:50she's having with people and that she's making an effort to be a part of the group I
27:54Feel weird. I feel like everyone's being so weird
27:58Well, yeah, I mean didn't you?
28:01Leave the group chat and everything
28:03Yeah, that's true
28:05Even though the girls trip was an absolute nightmare. I wanted to show up for Leila
28:09I wanted to support her be there for her, but I was a bit upset because at the girls trip
28:15Jesse had mentioned something
28:16Whitney will hear information and she gets close to certain people and we've kind of felt like it's a rotating door
28:22It kind of feels like there's different people that get to be close to Whitney if she wants to know the information
28:27Because it benefits her that's what the group consensus has been and I want to talk to her
28:33And figure out what this is about
28:35Take a picture. Yeah, I want to take a picture, but I
28:39Also want to make sure that I want to greet them
28:43I don't know if I can sit in this. I'm not gonna hi guys. It's a bit tight. You look very done
28:48I love that dress
28:51Do you want to open this chase?
28:56Yeah, I think that is what you can twist these off I know a trick actually sometimes you can just feel perfect
29:03Oh
29:10Show those guns, let me try one more time
29:12There's got to be a bottle opener because there's like one on every table. I'm just ripping the table here. I'll go get one
29:33I
29:46Honestly just want to find myself I feel like I've been through a lot in my life
29:51I've never put my focus into myself. So I truly just want to find what makes me happy and fills my cup up
30:03I'm happy to see Layla so empowered now Layla still so young and I feel like getting divorced so young, too
30:09It's good to see her be in the position to start taking care of herself
30:12I love the veil
30:13It makes me think about with Taylor situation and probably the pressure that she's feeling to get married being pregnant with Dakota's, baby
30:20So I hope she's still taking care of herself as well
30:23Hey, should I go get Joe go get Joe for that? I want to see you guys interact
30:27I just want to vibe him out. I got good feelers, you know
30:30Guys leave that poor man alone. Hey Joe, you know Layla, right?
30:35Joe wants to take you out. Oh
30:37This just became a whole group affair. I know not the first time for this group
30:44Well, let you guys get to know each other
30:47This is awkward with us
30:50I'm ecstatic for her
30:52Layla has never had an orgasm and I hope that she never settles for a man that is not willing to prioritize her
30:59happiness and pleasure ever again, you look great, thank you
31:04Whitney is wondering why Jesse said that comment you know when he was in the closet and
31:08She said you hang out people and use them and then you drop them. So she's on. Yeah
31:14But then she apologized after does she not know?
31:18So clearly she feels that way. Yeah, I don't want to know why
31:21Oh
31:26Hi, baby girl, how you guys doing?
31:33Oh come with me me. Yeah. Oh
31:38Someone's drinking tonight. I know I got my wine. Okay, so when
31:44When we were at the girls trip and to me basically it attacked me. Yeah. Yes. Yeah said something
31:50Like when when he gets close to someone they use them and then they move on
31:54Yeah
31:56So from what I've heard from the group and this is all coming from just things I've heard and observed like from everyone
32:02Yeah, you've been really close to Jen and then she's like, oh and then she kind of drops me until she needs something again
32:07Layla said the same thing. Maybe it's not coming from like a vicious place, but it sometimes feels like oh
32:13I'll play with this toy till I get bored and I have a new one
32:16You're having issues with everyone in the group. So for me, I'm like it where there's smoke there's fire
32:19I am not having issues with everyone in the group
32:21Who else am I having an issue with you and Taylor have had issues you and to me are now having issues
32:25It just feels like that keeps happening
32:27The reason fucking me and Demir having issues is because she said a very fucking personal thing in my life before that happened
32:34The whole fight happened. Yes. So what was that? It like what triggered that because I feel like you guys
32:39It triggered it because I told Jen how she felt about her. That's what triggered it
32:43See and that's another thing people think is that you're just very quick to tell what people are saying
32:47Yeah, and so it makes it hard to like trust you like so we can we can call people white trash to Mormon
32:53He doesn't want to be around you and that's okay
32:55No, I think when I tell that when I but then why why are we all still like so mad at me?
33:02Nobody. Yeah, nobody fucking asked me. How are you doing? Nobody fucking called me and asked me why I left the group chat
33:12Everybody went to fucking me see if you have an issue of why I left and fucking call me
33:16Yeah, I think that this is leaving the chat was a little passive-aggressive
33:19Was it like a test or like what like no, I if someone would reach out or like what was it?
33:24No, it wasn't a test. I didn't want to see it anymore. I wanted out. That was me protecting myself
33:29That was me taking control because last week and which was an absolute fucking nightmare
33:33Yeah, I get that I get that but I also just feel like again you leaving a group chat of all of us
33:38It made all of us feel I guess I just have such a different perspective
33:41If somebody left the group chat, I'd be like, are you okay?
33:43And it's what's wrong. You are the person that reaches out. I don't want to anymore. Holy shit. Yeah, you think I'm using you?
33:50I thought I knew
33:58I know that things are tense right now
34:00But I just want you to know that like what I've said and heard about you is based off of opinions of the whole group
34:05Winnie and Jesse are getting it like going at it. Really like Whitney's crying. I'm not inserting myself in another situation
34:12Supposed to be in though. I'll find out later
34:15tacos, I
34:17Think the problem with this group is we're all saying things behind each other's back and you think someone's your friend and they're really not
34:21Because I'm telling you every single person in our group has said something about you minus Macy. I will give her that
34:26She's really loyal to you. I feel like a fucking idiot right now
34:29Why cuz like what the fuck is going on?
34:32I don't feel like everyone's pissed at me, but clearly I'm wrong and it fucking stings it it right in the heart
34:39Stab right in the heart. I want to leave. No, you can't do that. I'm telling you attention everyone
34:47You for coming to Lela
34:50I'd like to raise a toast. Thank you
34:53Thank you everyone for coming to
34:56Laila Wessel's funeral
34:59After my talk with Jesse, I'm just like did you want me to hurt that felt like you wanted me to feel pain?
35:05Not because you cared about me because you wanted me to hurt well can fucking rats because that fucking hurt
35:10I just wanted to say that I'm extremely proud of the mother that you are like, this is so stupid
35:15It's exhausting at this point to ride the wave babe because it's a lot. I feel like I'm in high school
35:21But I know you can handle it and I'm excited for you to step into this new
35:27life Whitney
35:29that you are
35:31Stepping into it's gonna be a journey and I'm here for all of it. So love you
35:40I'm just so fed up at this point here. I am questioning like I don't even know if I want to be friends with you
35:45women and it's like well
35:46Sounds like you feel the same way. You're not even sure if you want to be friends with me
35:50You don't want me in the group. You think I'm using everybody fine. Peace out. Go figure it out yourself
36:01I
36:05Saw you guys make it out
36:12I don't know what Jesse said to make Whitney leave so suddenly but that's not good. I
36:18Do worry about mom talk and at this point maybe mom talk won't survive
36:31Oh
36:37Okay, can't you juggle yeah, can we show me hang on Taylor you gotta do three
36:43Two in this hand. And so all you do is you just cross them. You just make an X the whole time
36:49Oh, really? Yeah, but you're not doing anything with like, what is the third one? Yeah, so it just it fits in the rotation
36:56X
36:58There's more than an X like you're just crossing the whole it just hits you
37:03It's the baby
37:06Macy's coming over by the way. Oh, she is. Yeah, you want me to leave?
37:10No, why don't we leave? Well, I don't know. Do you not want to be here?
37:13Well, no, I just I mean like you're just hanging out with Macy. You want me to just kick with Macy's is
37:18Well, actually, yeah, because this would be the perfect time for you guys
37:22So, you know clear the air you guys eventually have to we do so much together and it's just this awkward thing between you guys
37:28I'm not gonna start anything. But like if she wants to start something with me, there's like talk to her
37:33There's something already started
37:35You guys can just talk about it. Let's say yeah, yo Mace. What's your f-ing problem do that?
37:43No, I'm gonna do that that's how I'm gonna start I did invite Macy to have a conversation with Dakota
37:49I'm about to give birth and I really just want her and Dakota to clear the air
37:57That's so nice of you, thank you for getting me that gift I'm like, oh here here's some fertile gummies and getting here
38:04Partum gummies. Yeah, I do think Macy and Dakota are able to see eye to eye on things
38:10I don't necessarily feel ever be truly fans of each other deep down
38:14But yes, I do think we can make things civil and honestly if we all just want the best for each other
38:19I don't know why we can't just have that mutual agreement
38:26We'll just say it now say what well, what were you gonna say nothing? Oh, I'm confused
38:36We just need to have a combo it's a simple no, I agree for me it's been this like built-up thing of like
38:42Resentment towards you. It's not like I don't like you as a person because clearly and when we're together in person
38:48Yeah, and in the beginning I do feel like I was on your side and then after a while
38:54I feel like Taylor would come to me and vent to me and be like hey
38:56Like he's doing this or he or sometimes we'd observe it like we were at a wedding once and she's like
39:01Oh Dakota's pissed at me and like she showed us some of the messages and they're harsh on your end
39:05And I think you said you're like why say it back to him?
39:08But then there's times where like I think I don't want to maybe I was projecting my past because I'm like, okay
39:14like I used to say the same thing to my friends though to like excuse the behavior because I was like didn't want my
39:20friends to not like the guy was dating I
39:22Feel like I am so protective with Taylor and her relationship with Dakota because I see a lot of science in Dakota that I saw
39:28In my abusive ex-boyfriend. There's a lot of things that he did verbally emotionally physically that were big red flags
39:34Although it's not as severe as the relationship. I was in I see those red flags and it scares me
39:39And so I want to do my best to protect Taylor because I don't want what happened to me to end up happening to
39:44Her as time went on and I'd hear more fights or different things. I'm like, I don't like him
39:49And I think for me, it's a mixture of like my past and seeing similar. I'm you're nothing like my abuser
39:56Let me just put that straight. So you're not thinking I'm calling you an abuser
39:59Yeah, thank you or anything like that because I don't want you to think I'm doing that
40:02but there's been similarities with like jealousy and possessiveness and like
40:06Sometimes emotional abuse with like language and things where I'm like, that's not okay
40:11All I hope is that you do just want what's best for us
40:15No, I do and like so I think it was hard because like if you're still feeding into her ear like be done with him
40:22Like in this situation, like I think that that's like really hard for me because I have someone that's like really putting
40:30Something in between us like making things even harder for us
40:32If you guys are solid nothing that like I say or other people say like should ruin that
40:37I don't know. Like I feel like there's just stuff that I have like major trust issues with
40:42It's like hard to progress to like into marriage and stuff and I feel like because of our beginning
40:46It's where it's like pushed us back. Yeah, like I am terrified and
40:51You want me to be like?
40:53there
40:55I'm like ready. I'm just I'm like not I'm not there
41:07You
41:13Like you came in my life and I think I trust you
41:17To be a good person to know me and you were you were a good friend, but
41:22the lies in the beginning that I
41:24Asked you not to do
41:27There were just more things that came out that hurt and I'm not over it. I
41:33Met Dakota and I
41:36Done the whole shit-show thing. I want to start fresh. I want to have a good relationship. Just be honest with me
41:41Three weeks in we're like getting closer. He's spending the night. We're like sleeping together
41:44I asked him I was like, hey, do you want to hang out?
41:46He goes like I'm hanging out my guys tonight and he sends a picture with him and all his guy friends
41:50I was like, okay awesome. Have fun tonight again. We're still not dating
41:53But then later in our relationship, he told me that that night he went off and hooked up with a girl
41:58like I feel like he came in and hurt me and
42:01I'm angry at him because I
42:04Love him, but I'm not ready to give in to him
42:08Like I'm still not healed to this day from the lies. You told and that like he chose
42:14like someone else over me and I think you're like
42:18Hey, like it's a different spot in me where I just I didn't feel good enough
42:22And I still don't cuz I'm like if I was good enough you wouldn't have done that to me. I
42:28I feel bad because it's like been a long time. You're having a baby and I
42:37Can't kill right I can't get over it. I've been honest. I'm not ready
42:42To progress because I'm scared something else is gonna come out. But do you blame me?
42:51I
42:52Mean I'm just gonna say like but you've also self-sabotaged almost this entire relationship as well being in this like you're not in a
43:00Relationship. Yeah, it doesn't matter
43:02You can be in a relationship with someone and not be in it and that is where the whole issues lies
43:07It's like I don't know what you're want from me either
43:12Even during that the talking stage like again like she also told me like hey
43:18You can go date whoever you can hook up with whoever and you don't have to tell me
43:26You lied though, like I said hold that hand ended up at another girl's house hooking up with her
43:31You're thinking I like did this so intentional to you. Nothing was I don't think it was intentional
43:36I think that don't tell me you can't hang out cuz that guy's name you end up at a girl's house hooking up
43:40That's the point there. Okay. Sure. I get what you're saying
43:43But I'm just don't get it cuz that's what we still fight about you weren't my girlfriend
43:47What did you expect me to think but how you're treating me isn't say someone three I found out
43:52I
43:54Planned on hashing things out with Dakota and it turns into the two of them fighting. This is crazy
43:59I do not feel like I should be here seeing this
44:02People are you upset because he lied or you upset cuz you feel like he chose a girl over you both that
44:08That's the one both of them. There's only dating two girls during that time. Yeah
44:13That's not gross though and you taught to date two people no to take out fuck me all week lied to me thing
44:22Yes, yeah sure and this is after I found out that he fucked a girl the night before he fucked me for the first
44:27Time I think what surprised me the most was when Taylor said you went after girl the night before me
44:32Then you F me all week and then you have someone else. I was like, whoa
44:36There's a lot of bad thing going on here. You're like wondering why won't you marry me? Why are you not ready?
44:40No shit. I'm scared that there's a third person. Why have a baby with I
44:45Could still be with you want to be with you. I don't have to want to marry you for good reason
44:48I don't trust you. I'm trying to make this work with you Taylor
44:51I want someone who's actually in it with me and wants to work through things and fix things and get to a good place
44:57That's all I've ever asked from you. I've never asked for you to forgive me right now or to have full trust in me
45:04I just need you to actually feel like you're on my side and
45:08Wanting to do this together
45:10Especially given the situation now, you're about to have a baby my first baby
45:18All I've ever that's what I'm saying. I want like you to feel better
45:21I want to work through these things Dakota wants to get married. He wants to take that next step
45:26he so desperately wants to be in the happy family and
45:30Marriage, but I think it's frustrating for him because he has this pressure from our religion of getting married
45:35Especially when you get pregnant out of wedlock, I'm willing to work through anything
45:38I made it very clear that I didn't want to get married because I'm not ready. I'm not there yet
45:43I want to trust Dakota, but I'm not getting married cuz I'm having a baby and as a couple
45:48I actually have no idea where we're going
45:54Going to Vegas for Layla's birthday
46:06I
46:10Connor and I have talked about homesteading for a really long time. We want to farm copper. Holy shit
46:16There's a difference between running away and just removing yourself from a toxic environment
46:21So I have a secret and at this point I feel like I have to tell somebody