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English Short Drama
  • 5/19/2025
Gogglebox S25E14

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Transcript
00:00Tell me why it ain't nothin' but a mistake
00:04Tell me why I ain't never wanna hear you say
00:10I want it that way
00:14Yeah!
00:15That's a wrap! That's a wrap!
00:20Yes!
00:22This is incriminating. Let's listen.
00:24There you go.
00:25What?
00:27What just happened there?
00:28Look, Vinny's perked up a nut.
00:33You'd expect this in like a Hollywood blockbuster.
00:36Nah, nah, nah!
00:37Hell, that's not what I'm saying!
00:39Just bounce, Jane. Just bounce.
00:42Oh!
00:43Yes!
00:44Oh, I'd be doing great if I were an audience.
00:46Vinny's licking your vanilla spice!
00:48Have you got Trump fatigue yet?
00:50No, he's a great disruptor, mate.
00:52In the week an old Soviet spaceship from 1972 re-entered the Earth's atmosphere,
00:59we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:02Lads were locking lips on BBC Three.
01:07I guess it was good. I guess it was good.
01:09It just felt...
01:12I'm buzzed.
01:13You had to be trained up, didn't you?
01:15I don't want to hear about it!
01:18Before he kissed me, he used to lick his lips.
01:23It was anticipation.
01:25We were having a laugh at midlife meltdowns on Netflix.
01:28Why are we whispering about?
01:30How drunk are you right now?
01:32I'm at the good part where I think I'm at my funniest
01:36and you think I'm starting to get a little annoying.
01:39You know, I've always been such a big fan of Steve Carell.
01:42I would watch anything he's in.
01:44Yeah, I feel like he just makes bangers.
01:46Everything he's in is funny.
01:48My favourite is definitely The Spittle and Me.
01:51Why?
01:52Because you relate to Greek.
01:54Yeah, that's what he used to call me all the time.
01:57Do you know what I used to call him?
01:59It's my nose, isn't it?
02:01Because me and him both have runny noses.
02:03Yeah.
02:04And I have a hunchback.
02:06For lunch, we steal the moon!
02:09And sex birds were showing us the ropes on Channel 4.
02:13I want to give you a little demo
02:15of what you might get to if you tease your appetite a little bit.
02:19Andre?
02:21We call it Up Against the Wall.
02:23Oh, he's a shagger, if I've ever seen one.
02:25Yeah.
02:26With a top cut like that.
02:27He's the Rosemary Bates.
02:28He's having three or four shags a day.
02:30We've got Throbbing Hun coming through.
02:32Yeah.
02:33I always want to know.
02:43You know how I just got back from Spades?
02:45How was it, then?
02:46It was nice.
02:47I did a lot of solo bits on my own.
02:50I even got a Thai massage there.
02:52Sisters Amira and Amani.
02:54I think she was trying to figure out if I was a boy or a girl.
02:59She looked at me like this.
03:04I think she was trying to figure out what I am.
03:09She was just like...
03:11That's so funny!
03:13And then I go...
03:14This has been trying to pop out of my boobs a bit more.
03:16Yeah, just me.
03:18Just so she knows that I'm not a man.
03:21This is why Mum tells you to wear dresses, Amira.
03:27On Wednesday night, there were more duos dashing around on BBC One.
03:31Are you ready to go racing, Sonnyman?
03:33We'll be racing to Benidorm, won't we, in a month?
03:36Is it in a month?
03:37Yeah.
03:41I can go across all wheel, never mind across the world.
03:43No.
03:44In the programme, we met race leaders Brian and Melvin in Nepal.
03:48We're ahead of everybody else, so we can afford to spend a bit of time here.
03:52Yeah, but don't get cocky, though. This is where it goes wrong.
03:59Keen to immerse themselves in local life,
04:01Brian and Melvin plan to head west.
04:04That's the bandit bird. How much?
04:06700 rupees.
04:08700 rupees? What's that, Dad and Jean?
04:11Well, it's two people.
04:13Well, if one is 1,400...
04:151,400 rupees!
04:19No discount there. I love that.
04:21If you do 1,000...
04:24Not a chance, mate. I hate it when I have to waggle.
04:28I have started doing it a bit, though.
04:30Have you? Yeah, yeah.
04:31I know, but that's really bad, Jenny. You can't do it in Tesco's on the till.
04:34Not here, I don't do it.
04:361,500.
04:37What?
04:381,500? He just said he was 1,400.
04:40What just happened? Hang on a second, yeah.
04:421,500.
04:43What is it?
04:44Two pieces. 1,500.
04:45Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:47That's not good angling, that.
04:49That's the worst angling ever.
04:51What did he ask him first?
04:52He wanted 1,700 and he's agreed to do 1,500.
04:55Are you sure? I could have sworn he said 1,400.
04:58Did he?
04:59He did.
05:00He did?
05:01He's retired from financial advising now, has he?
05:04Yes, sadly.
05:07High above the valleys,
05:09Brian and Melvin are still in Bandiboor.
05:12Oh, right, OK.
05:13Brian and Melvin are helping Sarjan with his morning chores.
05:17What are his chores, Julie?
05:18I don't think it'll be just washing pots, do you?
05:22Clean inside.
05:23Clean?
05:24Yeah.
05:25Oh, they've got to clean the pigpen.
05:27Oh, they don't.
05:28If you're keen to do that, Melvin, you go for it.
05:31Brian's not keen.
05:33He's scared his gilet will get mucky.
05:35Do you know, if that were me and you,
05:37I'd be Melvin and you'd be Brian.
05:39You would say to me, right, you get that,
05:41I'm done, I'll just watch.
05:42Are you joking?
05:43We all know that it would be me,
05:44ought to be cankled in pig shit.
05:48Come, come, yeah, come.
05:49Here we go, Lee, what's the next job?
05:51What have I got to do?
05:52Yeah.
05:53Yeah, dirty.
05:54Clean.
05:55Yeah.
05:56What, with my hands?
05:57Yeah.
05:58Oh, wow.
05:59Come, come.
06:00Oh, no!
06:01OK, I didn't expect that.
06:04It fucking breaks me down at the minute.
06:06I've got this one.
06:07Put it down.
06:08That's diggity.
06:09I'm doing all right.
06:10Proud of me for picking up shit.
06:12It's going to need more than that little bucket of water
06:14to clean those hands.
06:15A few pumps of imperial leather at least.
06:17Right, come on, then.
06:18When I'm getting into the race again,
06:20I've forgotten about the race, haven't you?
06:22Two teams are closing in on the fourth checkpoint.
06:26Race for the finish.
06:27This is where it gets frantic, innit?
06:29What's the Ganges?
06:30I think I might have been near it.
06:32Follow the river up to find your checkpoint hotel.
06:37Suri Ode Habili.
06:40Who's going to get there first?
06:41Come on.
06:42Who's going to make it, Dave?
06:43Ah.
06:44Ah.
06:45Can you read it?
06:46That's it.
06:47OK.
06:48Caroline and Tom are now closing in.
06:49Aren't they?
06:50They're near the river now.
06:51They're near the river.
06:52They're near the river.
06:53They're near the river.
06:54They're near the river.
06:55They're near the river.
06:56They're near the river.
06:57They're near the river.
06:58They're near the river now.
06:59Doing all right, Tom?
07:01For the Gats, there's something to do with it.
07:03Oh, dear.
07:04Oh!
07:05Oh, he's done an injury.
07:06Oh, dear.
07:07We can't afford to fall when we're in our 60s.
07:10Fuck.
07:11Oh.
07:12Come on.
07:13Get up, Brayton.
07:14You're going to have to hop now.
07:15Come on. You're nearly there.
07:16You'll be going through.
07:17You're all right.
07:18Get up.
07:19You've only got to go up these.
07:20Come on.
07:21Let's go.
07:22It's OK.
07:23Walk it off.
07:24Come on.
07:25Come on.
07:26So many steps.
07:27You wouldn't like all these steps, Simon, would you?
07:29Oh, my God.
07:30I'd have given up ages ago.
07:31Well, you'd be buggered if that were Jane or Margaret.
07:33They can't do stairs.
07:34Do you think this is it?
07:35Is it here, Jane?
07:36Yeah, here it is.
07:37Here it is.
07:38That's it there.
07:39That's it.
07:40OK.
07:41Up the stairs.
07:42Oh, my God.
07:43Up the stairs to the door.
07:44Let's go.
07:45Come on.
07:46He's going to get there first.
07:48Please sign in here.
07:49Let's see.
07:50Open the book.
07:51Sign in overly.
07:52Oh, they've done it.
07:54I thought they really lost the lead.
07:56I went and did bed and boarding, and I got to make friends
07:59with this elderly Thai woman, and she showed me this hole
08:04in the floor, and a massive tarantula came out,
08:06and she sliced it in half with a spade.
08:08God.
08:11But it was free to stay there.
08:14Poor tarantula.
08:15No, it was on a school path.
08:16It had to go.
08:17Oh, my God.
08:18Oh, my God.
08:19Oh, my God.
08:20Oh, my God.
08:21Oh, my God, it was on a school path, and it had to go.
08:23Oh.
08:24Was that while you were teaching those children English?
08:26Yeah, and they were laughing at me tits.
08:28Oh, God.
08:33So me and Nat were going to saloo in August.
08:36You cancelled saloo?
08:37You were the first instigator of everybody cancelling saloo.
08:41I wasn't the first instigator of everyone cancelling saloo.
08:44Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
08:46Because do you know what?
08:48obviously she couldn't cancel salute because she booked it separate to us and not as a package
08:53so she was still going and mam's going for two weeks and I thought do I want to be at home with
08:59Ezra? I knew you were going to say that you just don't want to be without child care for two weeks
09:04so you'll take the child to her on holiday so she can care for him there. I might get a couple of
09:10hours to myself on the sun lounger that's all you're thinking about. On Monday night we got
09:17very hands-on with a radical new series on channel 4. So this is an island of virgins
09:26nothing to do with Richard Branson. Auntie Jane says that when she was younger that she always
09:32outside me never would. Why are you telling me this? Why do you know this?
09:4112 virgins are heading towards a paradise island to take part in a unique experiment.
09:48Bloody hell pad you should have gone on this. About four years too late.
09:54In a world where sex is everywhere. It's not in here is it?
09:58It's not here it's not. The truth is surprising there are more adult virgins than ever. I wonder
10:05what that is? Are there? Or are people talking about it more? Being a young adult in this day and age
10:13it's difficult. Social media, dating apps, influencers, tv shows, porn. Porn is everywhere.
10:20You know what there's too many screens. Back in game they didn't have all else there to do you know.
10:25People just got fingered. Yeah.
10:29Oh my lord I don't think I want to see this. Oh I do. When did you lose your virginity Jane?
10:42In the episode sex therapist Celeste and Danielle got us loosened up with some breathing exercises.
10:50Just listening to my voice. I'm gonna start by taking a nice deep breath.
11:05Okay who is willing to make sound with me? Oh that lad's awkward. Yeah. And for touch phobic Jason
11:13Ah. It's more than he can handle.
11:19Oh I feel sorry for Jason because for him it's a genuine phobia. That's the
11:25reason behind his virginness. All right so this exercise is about saying no. You say
11:31no all bloody time. Yeah wouldn't be a bother for me that. When I'm around a member opposite
11:36I'm very awkward. Can't punch you in the face. Can't punch you in the face. I tend to say things
11:43without thinking. Can I throw you in the seat? No. Can I throw you in the seat? The next one is
11:49gonna shock you. In another scene Celeste is Jason in with some touch therapy. So you want to start
11:56with like just like yeah just put it in here. Like that? Yeah. Is it okay? Like does the sensation
12:02feel good? It's already like that. Go on Jason. Before turning things up a notch. So I was thinking
12:10maybe trying some different connection positions to build confidence. Yeah. Yes Jason. Come on.
12:18What like lying next to one another? Spooning or something? Leg in one leg and the other in
12:24I don't know. Let's find out. Like a jigsaw puzzle. Well let's try it so you can lie down like here.
12:29Yeah lie down on your back. Like with your head down there. I'm gonna like move in here.
12:34Oh my life Jane. She's getting on top of him. Sweet. Sweet. See if you can like just connect
12:41with your sexy energy. If you feel an urge to touch back. I feel free. This is happening.
12:50Oh god. It's like your Nana looming over you.
12:59He's relaxing a bit isn't he? Do you think? Nice Jason. He's getting more and more comfortable.
13:06He's actually relaxed. Yeah.
13:08Oh look at that boy. Oh my lord. He's learning. He's a quick learner. He's a quick learner isn't he?
13:20He is. Oh people are disgusted.
13:25And you can't touch. I can't touch it.
13:29No. Yummy bastard. That's a very thick bra she's got on though. Yeah it would be in there.
13:36It's a work bra. I want you to see if you can take your energy seriously now and look at me like
13:43I want to f**k you kind of vibe.
13:47Well that's going to be a bit too much so let's yeah just slow it down a bit. Yeah.
13:55He seems to know what he's doing to me. Go on fella.
13:59Yes fella. I think we've done it. I think we've cracked it.
14:06Look at him.
14:15Who would have thought when he walked in to now. I didn't think they'd get to that stage so quick.
14:20No. Jason's like damn. This is what it feels like. I'm feeling incredible. Absolutely incredible.
14:26She's a miracle worker. I was a virgin. Well I am a virgin still but I'm like a dippy virgin now.
14:32I'm close to losing it. Oh that is men that isn't it. See what a bit of flask can do for you.
14:37It's got a bit of confidence now. Bit of lust and desire. I think I've done it in a changing room.
14:47I don't want to know. Sorry I'm trying to help the show you know.
14:51God if I told you every wall here you'd be verified. Completely unnecessary.
14:55In Manchester. Can you see that face on the teapot? Irwin's been graffitiing everything with those pens.
15:15Alison, her husband George and her daughter Helena. He's done my teapot. I found a flipping banana the
15:21other day with a face. Yeah. And then I went to read my gardening magazine. Monty Darn had been
15:27vandalised. What had he done to Monty Darn? He's got antenna and fangs. This week Netflix had a
15:34new drama about a group of middle-aged couples that holiday together. Lie down body.
15:42You heard a bit of drama DJ? Drama D? Drama comedy. Steve Carell's in this. Is he? He is yeah.
15:54Wouldn't it be nice to have friends to go on holiday with? All I've got is you. Although to be
16:00fair I do like going on holiday with you. Yeah you encroach on my holidays. I don't like you to holiday
16:06without me. No you don't. Yes get in there. In the programme we saw the friends settling down for
16:14dinner in Anna and Nick's lake house. Okay I'd like to make a toast to Nick and Ann on their 25th.
16:23Oh that's nice isn't it? They've all gathered for Nick and Ann's 25th wedding anniversary. Silver
16:28that one. Yeah. 25 years. I'm double that this year. You are. It is rare in this life to find your
16:35soulmate. Oh this sounds like a perfect couple doesn't it? An evangelical soulmate does? Hell yeah.
16:46Are you guys happy? What do you mean? Can you honestly say that you are happy in your lives?
16:54That's a big question isn't it? People do ask that actually. People who ask that aren't usually happy.
17:00What kind of question is that?
17:05I'm leaving Ann. They're just celebrating their 25th. He's leaving her.
17:11No. Is there somebody else? No no no no it's not like that. It's Ann. What's the matter with her?
17:18I hate her. Oh. It's taken a while to figure that out. 25 years to figure out he hates his wife.
17:25I hated my ex-husband too.
17:31She's given up. She doesn't do anything. Oh I'm getting like that probably.
17:37This was at the air fryer. I don't think they're splitting up or the marriage because of a
17:44fucking air fryer. She won't go out on the boat. I built her that pottery shed. She hasn't made
17:51one thing. This will literally be page about me in 20 years. I can see it now.
17:57He's bored. Nick is bored. Yes. All she wants to do is play this farm game on her iPad.
18:05I love that farm game. I play it too. That farm game is addictive.
18:13I'm gonna tell her as soon as this weekend is over. He hasn't even tried to speak to Ann about it.
18:18That's gonna be awkward for the rest of the holiday isn't it? God it's like he's hit 25
18:22years and that's it. Right. It's almost like he's retiring from that marriage.
18:26Hi guys. What's going on out here? Well I sent Nick an hour away to get bagels because.
18:32Because what? This is my anniversary present to him. A surprise vow renewal ceremony.
18:38Oh shit. Oh my god. A vow renewal ceremony Simon.
18:47She's gonna freak out. You're fucking telling us. He is gonna freak out and you're quite right.
18:53Yeah right. Now somebody needs to warn her. Is this the point where it's like do somebody say
18:57something to her? I think so. Oh gosh. Where's he gonna get out of this? The whole family's there.
19:08Oh late. Oh shit. Surprise we're renewing our vows.
19:16What do you do? Come clean or go for it? You can't get out of this. You'll have to get food poisoning.
19:24Ann you've got the floor. Oh she's got a speech. Oh she's gonna declare all of her undying loves for him.
19:32Nick I love you. Oh. Not every second of every day. I love that you're always surprising me.
19:41Buying me the world's biggest kiln and installing it yourself. Even when the guy said it simply
19:48must be done by a professional. Oh the kiln that must be the pottery shed that she never uses.
19:53Oh that's nice to mention. And you annoy the hell out of me and I annoy the hell out of you too.
19:58You really do annoy him. You don't know how much. And I would be so honoured to annoy the hell out of each
20:03other in sickness and in health until death do us part. Oh isn't that sweet. I think you'll have to
20:10change his tune though that's it. Okay I'm gonna see the dread. Would you like to say something Nick?
20:17I can't even know if I can watch. If he humiliates her he will be the devil. But if he goes through it and then tells her after he's the devil. He's doomed.
20:35Oh god.
20:36What?
20:39Amy?
20:44The kiln's blown up. It wasn't done by a professional.
20:52Saved by the kiln. The kiln. The kiln.
20:57So that's why you should never pay to get someone to install stuff. If you just do it yourself
21:02instead there's a chance it might blow up when you need it to.
21:09You know I know we always talk about eggs a lot but you know when you unpeel your egg do you get
21:15that egg membrane stuck on it and then it pulls the egg off. It's so bad isn't it when when you
21:21like demolish your egg by. I hate it when you're taking chunks out of your egg. Mum never does it.
21:26Mum's like the master at de-shelling an egg. But how's she learned it? I think she knows
21:33a trick how to get under the membrane. Do you reckon? Yeah. Yeah. She gets under my skin all the time.
21:40This week there was more drama coming out of London's poshest postcode on E4.
21:45Oh well let's have a little look over the other half of living in this posh churl isn't it?
21:49Sam and Yaz they were dating yeah? Yeah. Yaz and Sam broke up. She started dating this DJ called
21:55Armin. But now she's started seeing Sam Prince again. Let me get my tea.
22:08Are you ready to be confused? I am. I can't keep up with these guys. If you've got the Chelsea Riz
22:14you can go there. Have I got it? No. None of us have. How you doing brother? Good still feeling
22:21good other than that. Oh man still feeling it in his delts. It must be the mixing. This is Armin the
22:27DJ that Yaz was hooking up with yeah. He's practicing for like barging people out the way. Yeah yeah yeah. Sam.
22:33Oh shit stirrer. Yeah. Miles is usually at the centre of drama isn't he? Oh he's never far from it Miles.
22:40He's a bit of a playboy isn't he Miles? I want them to do what is right for them but I think deep down
22:46we all know that they're not right for each other. They don't think that Sam and Yaz should be
22:50together so they're getting the two penitent aren't they? I'm just going to pause you there. Oh what does he know?
22:56Spill the beans. Sam was saying some shady stuff to me. Tell us Armin. What's Sam been saying? Basically he said
23:04no I don't think she's wife material. Oh. What does that mean? It means that he fancies her but he doesn't
23:13want to be saddled with her. She'd be no good at doing housework and cooking. Yes. Let me tell you
23:19it won't be long before she knows she's not wife material. Oh. I didn't realise your caddy was coming.
23:26No just best friend. Sarcastic Sam's back. It's Sam and Yaz. Oh they're ambushed them. Shut up. I've called you
23:34every single week to check in on you. You never even sometimes call me back. Oh I hope she's getting it
23:39in the neck. This went from zero to 100 real quick. I mean there's a lot of things he could
23:44what does he say about that night that happened and also that Armin kind of shared with us
23:49but he hasn't. But I'm going to say them instead. Oh there's a lot of things that he could say.
23:54He's kept his gum shut but now you're getting a bit lippy. He's going to hold the taps up and look.
24:00Oh here we go. Look at Sam. Don't look. You didn't see that she was. No you said. What was it?
24:07Coming from you. She's not wife material. Oh good. Look at him. Look at him pretending. What was it?
24:13What was it now? Was it? Did you mean wife material? I think that's what it was. I would never say that because
24:19Yasmin is wife material. I would never say that because she's here. What do you talk about Yasmin
24:25like she isn't there? Like she's an anonymous mute object. I never said that. I never said that.
24:31So what did you say? Well I'm trying to make something up. One second.
24:34I'm trying to think of something that I could have possibly not said. One second.
24:40I can't stand my aunt would lie. Why? Clearly. Because she's got my dog front over her. You always
24:44think though people like that with their arms folded they're fucking lying. Get out of like
24:51Armand Yaz out of this for a second. Come on Tems. Speak up. Now you've got Tems riled up.
24:56Love it when Tems gets angry. You get Tems riled up. You don't want to get Tems riled up you know.
25:00Should he be sat there feeling like a knobhead because someone's leaving a message. Again you're
25:04not letting Tems man. Calm down Tems. Is Tems short for temper? That's as aggressive as you
25:10could get in the posh world. Like oh. Just listen. I've literally just. Now you've let it go.
25:16All right. Fuck you then mate. That's childish. I don't understand why people do that when you
25:22say just go. You feel because you've told me to go I'm gonna go. Here's what I'm gonna do.
25:26The opposite. Exactly. Exactly.
25:34Oh we're at the angels and demons party. That's right.
25:36No such magic. No Simon. That's not far from you. No I know it's up the road.
25:42Hello champ. How are we? You've dressed as a demon. Oh no. Oh god. It's Sam, Armand and Tems.
25:49Yeah I hope it's awkward already. Do you mind if I have a chat with that one?
25:52Please. I kind of want to watch. Hey I'm going nowhere. Out from real seats. What's the situation?
25:58I can tell you something. I've got between the DJ here. You work here. Okay. I'm telling you
26:02fuck all. Okay. Oh my god. You just hit with her. You're the star. You've said that we've had a
26:06discussion. Yeah. In Dorset. Yeah. That I said that Yaz is not married to Zero. Wife material.
26:11Get it right. I wouldn't say any of those things to her chauffeur. I've known you for 10 minutes.
26:14Good one mate. Good one. Can you hurry up? I need to go to the grease. I'm gonna make a sale.
26:18One second. The buffet is now open.
26:23Top y'all. Two more cocktails. It's happy hour guys. What were you saying? Sorry. I don't really
26:29have anything to say to be honest. All right. Go get us a drink then. Wow. Yes old boy. None of that
26:35hit in any way. That was better. I think they said it hit. That was better. Go get us a drink.
26:40That hit a little bit. I appreciate it champ. All the best. All right. Thanks champ.
26:44Oh that was such an unbelievable waste of time.
26:49Oh what do you think's gonna happen next? Because I don't know what happened there.
27:02Do you think we should get another dog? Are you seriously thinking about it? Do you think we
27:05should get, if we do though, should it be a great day? Yeah it's more than one. It'll have to be a
27:08great day. Michael, Sally and their sons Jake and Harry. Come on, lie down. No.
27:18No. Good luck moving that. There we go.
27:28Oh poor Bonnie.
27:32Is this comfy?
27:33Move up. Good girl.
27:37On Sunday night, TV's most well-travelled piano was back on the road again, but this time at an
27:43airport. Well I won't be able to listen to any of it because the way rainbows are on the airport,
27:49it's that fast. You've got no chance, you've got no chance have you? I take, I just listen and say
27:55no, no, come on. I need to be in the executive lounge. I want to get my money's worth. Come on.
28:00Do you ever picture yourself playing the piano? Or the sound?
28:04Yeah I'd be one of those extra people. Yeah.
28:16For our next arrival, this trip to Heathrow will be a return journey. He's blind. Yeah.
28:22My name is Chapman. I am 14 years old. Hi Chapman. To be so young,
28:26I am 14 years old. Hi Chapman. To be so young and gifted, I wouldn't know what that's like.
28:31Lovely to meet you. Hello Chapman. Hello. I'm Claudia. Please come and have a seat.
28:36Got a bit of a crowd already. Are you? Yeah, perfect. Claudia shouldn't be in a blazer and
28:40slacks like that in an airport. No. She needs to be in shorts and t-shirts. Yeah. Really,
28:46depending where you're going. Or a velvet trackie. Yeah, track suit, that kind of caper.
28:51Tell me about what you love about the piano. I love the applause and encouragement. Oh,
28:58obviously we like to play to an audience. It's not just for him. He likes to entertain other
29:02people. Love that. He was born blind and having complex speaking and learning disability. How
29:08mega though that he's found music like that. That's his calling, that, isn't it? Five, four,
29:14three, two, one. Drop it like it's hot. He said drop it like it's hot. Oh my God. I like Chapman
29:22already. He is a very happy boy. God, he plays drums and all. You used to do that, didn't you,
29:28Helena? What, drop it like it's hot? No, play the drums and annoy everybody. Oh, right. In Asia,
29:33a lot of blind children don't have opportunity to learn the music. Oh. Why is that? So we moved
29:40from Hong Kong because the UK has so much to offer in terms of music and supporting resources for
29:47disabled children. So they've completely upped stakes and moved to the UK just so Chapman can
29:54have more opportunities. What else? Swimming. Yeah, he really likes swimming. That's so cute.
30:00At the time when we thought everything is moving to a positive direction, we don't allow him to
30:06swim anymore. Oh, why? Why? Because the hearing is getting worse. The hearing is getting worse?
30:12Yeah. Oh, man. God, the hearing, he can't, how is he going to play the piano if he can't hear?
30:17He used to have extremely soft ears and it brings all the music to him. But we start to realise that
30:28his hearing is deteriorating. Oh, his dad's struggling here. He's going to be deaf and blind.
30:36It's a tannoy. Actually, it's a public address system. Tannoy is a brand maker.
30:41Wake up. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome on board Chapman's
30:47airline. Hi, yes, yeah, man. Buckle in, you larks, I'm going to take you on a ride.
30:52This is the flight to my hotel. The hustling and bustling city of Hong Kong.
30:56Cabin crew, please be prepared for take off. Fasten your seatbelts, exactly. Good lad. You crying? I don't know.
31:08Oh, he's got fast fingers. Oh, my God.
31:14Look how intricate and fast that is. He's not even playing for music, Daniella. This is all from memory.
31:19I've never, ever seen someone play the piano as quick as that before. I didn't know that the keyboards moved this fast.
31:28For once, make your speech less. You see when you do that?
31:39Oh, God, where are you? That's what he's thinking about in his head, the rush hour in Hong Kong.
31:48Beautiful.
31:56Smashed it. That was unreal. Go on, Chapman, we'll give you an applause.
32:01And he loves the applause. It is mad talent, that.
32:07Are you happy with that? Yeah. Yeah, I'm happy with that.
32:12Me being a dad myself, your kid's achievements, like how mega is that? Yeah. You know,
32:18especially against all the odds. I don't think I'd ever be able to learn to play the piano at a
32:23high level because I've got very small hands. But little children can play the piano. Good for them.
32:33Nat always calls me up about my language in front of Ezra. He always goes, Ellie, come on now,
32:40virgin ears. Sisters Ellie and Izzy. Anyway, this morning, there were a massive, big,
32:48buzzy bee in our kitchen. And I was like, look, Ezra, look, buzzy bee, buzzy bee. And Nat were like,
32:54buzzy bee. The next thing you know, the bee dive bombs Nat while he's eating his breakfast.
33:00He jumps up like this and goes, fuck off, fuck off, like that. I could not. I've never seen you move so fast.
33:10Believe it. And I said, Nat, virgin ears. I couldn't wait to get that in there, could you? I could not wait
33:20to get it in. You were buzzing. I'm more buzzing than that bee. But I could get one up on Nat for virgin ears.
33:27On Saturday, a celebrity chef was out of the tent and living her best life on ITV.
33:33This is the most charming programme. I caught an episode of it last week. It's super relaxing.
33:40You look very colourful today, like Prue Leith. Yeah? Yeah. Was she used to live in London or she had a place?
33:45She's posh. Because I used to run her around the cave. Oh, you found Prue in your cab? Yeah.
33:53I'm Prue Leith, cook, caterer, cookery school founder and writer of 16 cookbooks.
34:02She's got quite a portfolio, hasn't she? This series is all about the things that really matter to me.
34:08Family, time, food and friends. Food being number one. That's all there is. Food, friends, family.
34:20Prue's not at the top for me. Really? Really. No. I really like her, but you can't beat Dame Mary Berry.
34:28You can't? Who'd win in a fight, Mary Berry or Prue Leith? Delia Smith, she's off her head.
34:33My first recipe today is deviled kidneys on toast. Oh no. Oh God, I won't like this. I'm having some of this.
34:41Yeah, Somalis, we like kidneys, don't we? We love that. We love their kidneys. Mum eats it all the time.
34:48Yeah, a little bit of lime. Kidneys. So these are kidneys on toast, deviled kidneys.
34:54Deviled generally means very spicy. There's got to be garlic on them as well. Oh, that's a total
35:00taboo for you, isn't it? Garlic. It looks like there's a knob of butter there too.
35:07A knob of butter and garlic? Yeah. Good God. To prepare the kidneys, slice them in half
35:15so that they retain their kidney shape. Because you want to know that it is kidney.
35:20Always remind yourself of exactly what you're eating. Mix together 50 grams of soft butter.
35:26See, butter, that's me gone. Right, butter's nice. Hopefully the butter will cover everything up.
35:31One teaspoon of cayenne pepper. Oh, you can have that for me. You don't like anything spicy, do you?
35:37I'm a delicate palate. And a little bit of Worcester sauce. Oh yeah, love that. We'll have the Worcester sauce, that'll do.
35:44This is all to cover up the taste of kidneys. Yeah. I don't know why offal is so out of fashion.
35:50I'm there with you, true. Not on Jenny's watch, is it? It's definitely true, it's not on my watch.
35:57I had to live a sandwich as well the other day. Put the kidneys in the vein because they're
36:03fucking disgusting. On the toast with the spiced butter. Oh, look at the juices drizzling it.
36:13You do that with your bread, don't you? Yeah. And now the bread is soaked with the juices.
36:18Very delicious and pretty quick to do. Oh, see, doesn't that look nice now? It doesn't look that bad.
36:24I'd love the fucking bread. Oh, I'd love that. I'd even lick my plate. I'd scrape that into the bin.
36:29We all don't know what good full dish you have. I don't, Jenny. I just don't fancy eating some fuckers insides.
36:44Inca Philly. Oh, we can start putting a bit of paint on the walls too this week, can't we? Yeah.
36:50I'll do the undercoat, you'll do the top, is it? Oh, you've got all your PPE on, have you? I have.
36:55Dave and his wife, Shirley. Ah, that obviously, no, because you've had your head and you don't want
37:01the dust going into your hair. Well, no. My hair was stinking rubbing down. He's fascinated with
37:08rubber ears. He noticed that. Did we all? On Sunday night, there were more lads looking for love on BBC Three.
37:18I'm sorry, I'm never kissing anyone first. I always know your name, where you live, what you do for a living,
37:24your hobbies. Have you brushed your teeth? Yeah, that too. I can't remember mine and Josh's first kiss.
37:29It makes me feel a bit sick, actually. I can't remember mine and Callum's. That's because you were pissed.
37:35I was. I remember. Oh yeah, you were there. I watched it. Oh, that makes me feel sick.
37:43Welcome to I Kissed a Boy.
37:52That's where we're a boy on boy, Padders. Lovely. Me and Nat used to kiss.
37:56We don't. You do kiss at first and then it wears off.
38:05There's a nice-looking boy, look. Oh, I'm looking at one of them tops on Temo the other day.
38:10Hi, Jordan. I currently live in Manchester, but I'm from a little village near the Lake District.
38:14Oh, Jordan. The Lake District is lovely, to be fair. But he still moves to Manchester. Yeah,
38:20because he might have been the only gay in the village in the Lake District.
38:26You've got a point there, Judy, to be fair.
38:30I'm Jack. I'm from a teeny-weeny village outside of Wigan. I love Jack's outfit. Famous for their
38:36pears and pies. People think I'm a demon twink and I'm not a demon twink. Demon twink, I've never
38:41heard of one. Who the hell's a demon twink? Mum's never called me a demon twink. She's called me a twat.
38:45I don't know if that's the same thing. I'm just a regular twink.
38:49So you've got your twinks, your otters and your bears. All different types of guys.
38:53Twink, skinny people. Otter, skinny but hairy. Bear, hairy but big.
39:03Right, they're going to walk up and smush.
39:05You like walking from half a mile away? Yeah.
39:15They don't know each other at all.
39:17Straight in with the tush and tell he's from Wigan, he hadn't had no for years.
39:21I'm Jack. I'm Jack.
39:25Imagine if he did that with every interaction. Like, what would my mechanic do if I went up to him and did that?
39:31Jack's a good-looking boy. Well, there's also other good-looking boys, so I'm not ruling anything out of anyone.
39:37They have only had one kiss at the start. That doesn't automatically pay you off for life, does it?
39:43You've got to peruse the menu before you decide what you're eating.
39:47Well done, old boys!
39:49Welcome to the Messeria.
39:51The Messeria? That's somebody's toilet when it makes a noise.
39:55I have organised a VIP area. The secret garden.
39:59Oh, yeah.
40:01Waiting there tonight will be a gorgeous new boy who's hoping to make a connection with one of you.
40:07Can't believe we're getting some fresh sauces already in the Messeria.
40:09Oh, no.
40:11Later on, we caught up with the boys.
40:13They're having a great time.
40:15I'm Jack. I'm Jack.
40:17I'm Jack.
40:19I'm Jack.
40:21I'm Jack.
40:23Later on, we caught up with the boys trying to decide who got to go into the secret garden.
40:29I had to get out. Sorry.
40:33Or at least Jack would go.
40:35He's obviously not that keen on Jordan, then.
40:37But he's only saying that because he knows Jordan is potentially going to say it.
40:41I'm hoping to get to know people.
40:43If he's a fitty, I'll have him. If he's not, I'll bring him back to you.
40:47Oh, will you now?
40:49Oh, don't you selfish bitch.
40:51I thought you'd taken the dig.
40:53And you're still not happy you want the secret garden, as well.
40:55That's fucking greedy.
40:57I vote for you.
40:59I vote for you.
41:01Jack, babes, you go in.
41:03Oh, Jack's going in.
41:05Yes, he's going. Go on, Jack.
41:07Bye.
41:09Jordan looks gutted.
41:11Hi, my name's Callum, and I live in North West London.
41:13Callum, yeah?
41:15Callum's fit.
41:17Come take a seat in the Hummer, eh?
41:20I'm good, thank you. How are you?
41:22Jack.
41:24Oh.
41:26Unreal.
41:28Well, if that is an icebreaker, I don't know what is.
41:32Just sit on the floor, fuck it.
41:34Oh, how happy.
41:36Hello.
41:38This is Callum.
41:40Nice to meet you.
41:42Is Jordan going to take this?
41:44Did you kiss?
41:46No.
41:48Oh, Jordan doesn't like it, does he?
41:50Yeah, but Jordan's not so happy now.
41:52I'll kiss you.
41:56What are they going to do in front of everyone?
42:02Wow!
42:04In front of everybody.
42:06Oh, man, I couldn't take that.
42:08Wow.
42:10Look at Jordan.
42:14Paige wouldn't even kiss me
42:16when Father Anthony went,
42:18you may now kiss the bride.
42:20Paige was like, yeah.
42:22We always say night-night, though, kiss night-night.
42:24We always do, yeah, always.
42:26Even when I'm rowing with him.
42:28Yeah.
42:30Yeah, I'm still going to give him a kiss night-night.
42:32Because I'm afraid he pops his clogs in the night.
42:40Do you know what I've got a really strong feeling about?
42:42That Jimmy and Ava are going to have
42:44a dead hybrid but strong accent.
42:46Yes, it's going to be Northern,
42:48but there are going to be strings
42:50of Essex stroke cockney.
42:52Yes.
42:54Pete and his little sister Sophie.
42:56He was doing the register today.
42:58He sat me and Paige down.
43:00He went, right, I'm going to do the register.
43:02Boys and gills.
43:04Because of Paige's accent.
43:06Boys and gills.
43:10I'm like, all right.
43:12I like it when he goes,
43:14please may I have a glass of water?
43:16Yeah, water.
43:18Just going to do the register.
43:20Boys and gills.
43:22On Friday,
43:24someone was starting a new job.
43:26BBC Breakfast had all the details.
43:28Thank you, dearest.
43:30Got it? Yeah.
43:32It was a bit scarce on your platter this morning.
43:34Mine were only on the toast.
43:36It was a little bit void in the corners.
43:38I don't do corners.
43:40I don't do corners at all.
43:42Good morning.
43:44Welcome to breakfast with Charlie Stait
43:46and Nagget Manchetti.
43:48You've got a Nagget Manchetti hairstyle, haven't you?
43:50It's what I've been going for.
43:52The new Pope will celebrate
43:54his first mass today,
43:56hours after he was elected by his fellow cardinals.
43:58Oh, the new Pope.
44:00Crikey.
44:02Getting him straight to work.
44:04I'm sick of hearing about the Pope.
44:06I didn't even know we had a Pope.
44:09Boba Prevost,
44:11who's taken the name Leo XIV.
44:13If you were Pope,
44:15what name would you choose?
44:17Robert de Liro.
44:19You wouldn't say.
44:21You wanted to be known as Pope.
44:23Al Pacino.
44:25Pope Al Pacino, don't be silly.
44:27When the white smoke finally came,
44:29down below, the crowd went wild.
44:31Female nuns!
44:33Eh, the real nuns?
44:35I've never seen nuns so excited before.
44:37I'm like, yes, that's my guy!
44:41As tens of thousands more people poured into the square,
44:43Look at this.
44:45the Vatican band performed.
44:47The Swiss Guards.
44:49Were they Swiss then?
44:51Not Swiss, Swiss.
44:55There he is!
44:57Nothing quite like the Pope, is there?
44:59One minute you're just totally unknown,
45:01and then the next, everyone knows you.
45:03I mean, that is
45:05the promotion of a lifetime, isn't it?
45:07God who loves us all,
45:09unconditionally.
45:11He speaks about four languages,
45:13apparently. He's a clever man.
45:15That's what you know you're doing a lot,
45:17because they don't even have the microphone on the stand.
45:19That's what I'm saying.
45:21And his crow.
45:23That is shiny, boy, isn't it?
45:25It's good that he's got progressive views,
45:27and that's what we were voting for.
45:29That's what we need, progression in the church.
45:31That's nice, progressive views.
45:33Do you reckon you'd give your job to a lady,
45:35then, at some point? That'd be nice.
45:37That's not that progressive.
45:39The Vatican has now released images of Pope Leo XIV,
45:41thanking those who elected him.
45:43I hope the Pope
45:45does some good changes
45:47for the best.
45:49Is he our Pope
45:51for the North East as well?
45:53I'm not religious, am I?
45:55I'm not a religious person.
45:57Don't say I don't believe,
45:59but I think I'll wait until
46:01the time comes.
46:03Then you'll find out.
46:05Then find out.
46:07We'll soon know, darling.
46:09Well, I hope he'll know soon.