Blankety Blank-S4 E1.

Kerr Avon

Hosted by the for me best host of this,Terry Wogan.Lenny Henry among the guest panel when he was still funny and topical.

Transcript

00:00You

00:30And

00:33Appearing tonight on

00:41David Jacobs, Tracy Allman

00:46Lenny Henry

00:49Madeline Smith

00:52And here's your host on

01:00I

01:13Cracky I deserve that welcome to another half-hour of madcap merriment and

01:30I don't want to do this show. I I want to do important and serious problems like Jack and Ori

01:36play school

01:38Let's see what out-of-work members of the profession have joined us this week. Good Lord. It's Roy Roy

01:46I'm good to see you

01:48Ray

01:49Tracy Allman from three of a kind you're welcome Tracy. This is a bit of a downer in the old career

01:54But you'll rise above it. I promise you

02:00I love that stuff. The only man to get a Blarney stone halfway up the left nostril

02:06To commemorate my first and probably last appearance on the old program

02:09I've my mom's did to me a couple of little things way. So first of all, I bought a little present for you

02:14A microphone

02:26Let's talk to Willie and you first and what what's your surname? I'm certain and where do you come from?

02:32I'll church in Worcestershire. Of course you do even if none of us have ever heard of it

02:38Why am I wearing this city?

02:40What about you Willie, what's your what's your second Birmingham Willie Birmingham

02:46Don't tell us where you're from Willie, where are you?

02:50Hey, I'll be which would you like me please and so you shall Willie now the best of attention here lads

02:55They're making a new version of roots

03:10I

03:17Named this child

03:19mucky nappy

03:22They're making a new version of roots in which Percy thrower traces his beginnings right back to a bunch of blanks

03:30They're making a new version of roots

03:32Quintet a

03:34New version of roots in which Percy thrower traces his beginnings right back to a bunch of blanks

03:41Percy Troy, you all know Percy's always a hint in the question

03:50Press the thing as soon as you ready barrel everybody ready Willie

03:54You're ready, aren't you?

03:55They're making a new version of roots in which Percy thrower traces beginnings right back to a bunch of bananas bananas

04:01I would have said hydrangeas or peonies or anything really bananas

04:07Why don't you watch my lips, you know, well, they are in radishes radishes. Yeah. Well, it's you see a wide-open

04:12Of course, it could have been anything as long as a bunch of carrots. Yes carrots

04:17sods

04:24Bananas bananas seeds Len Len Len seeds

04:30Madeline Maddy Smith

04:32You're so romantic

04:36Zilch for the bananas. I thought that was a good answer. It could have been a lot of things

04:43Hard luck will still nobody ever scores much of this program

04:49I'm you ready. Did you hear about the contortionist who hated noise and was able to stick both his blanks in his ears?

05:02There's always a hint in the question, I think the hint here might well be contortionist

05:09All right, that's it's the contortionist who hated noise and was able to stick both these blanks in his ears I'm ready sir

05:14Oh, you ready Roy Lenny's ready Tracy's ready

05:18Marilyn David, I'm excited

05:22I'm excited

05:25And the contortionist who hated noise was able to stick both his legs his legs

05:36Roy is reacting now. That's a really good one right? It's Roy always laughs when he's got it, right?

05:48Big toes we could have given it for toes, but legs is a bit too generic

05:55Big toes, she was cheesy

05:59Legs we're looking for legs legs toes. It's all big toe. No points. No, wow. It's really moving now

06:09By this tremendous start

06:12We certainly are luckily for this since nobody scored any points. Everybody plays with everybody else in this second round

06:19Now you can take A or B

06:22A or B? A. A it is. A for Anne. Here we go now. This will probably be extremely high scoring

06:29One elephant said to another elephant. I think Tarzan needs glasses

06:35He just said me Tarzan you Jane to a blank

06:42Think if you will of a jungle motif

06:46That's easy for me. Mr. Wogan

06:49Oh

06:53Because I just come from the damn place

06:59Jungle motif and oh heavens, let's have a couple of points one elephant said to another elephant

07:05I think Tarzan needs glasses. He just said me Tarzan you Jane to a

07:11to a tree I

07:19It's the old affliction I would have said gorilla me cell phone or a

07:29Because in actual fact, you know, I mean

07:50I don't know anything about this game. I can't play this game

08:07Tracy almond I'd say from it

08:09Oh

08:16For your sake and I'm glad I'm not sitting here. I'm glad I'm not sitting here for me own sake as well

08:20I was with you, you know, I was on the same beam of thought as you you know, and I said

08:27Yes, sorry about that. Yes. It was if you don't mind me saying so a very stupid answer

08:39That

08:45Must be the highest score in blankety-blank since it began

08:49Five five points to and will you've got a lot to do but you can do it my man

08:53The honor of Huddersfield's at stake here and Birmingham indeed if it comes to that

08:58Did you hear the builder who got the plans wrong and ended up with the great blank of China?

09:05Any jokes about the Irish will be frowned upon in this particular

09:10It was our anyway

09:14Did you hear the builder who got the plans wrong and ended up with the great blank of China now

09:20We'll eat just take your time. Don't think of anything

09:25No, no Maddy it's he ended up you see got the plans wrong he got the plans

09:29Wrong

09:37Willie it's been a long time since we last spoke

09:42Did you hear the builder who got the plans wrong and ended up with the great part of China

09:46Well wall, no, if he got the plans wrong, he'd end up with

09:53Who am I to say I was wrong could you say the question again?

09:57Certainly the builder who got the plans wrong and ended up with the great blank of China. Yeah. Well, it must be the wall, mustn't it?

10:13I think I'm getting one of my headaches

10:27I

10:33Would have said he got the plans wrong and ended up with the great trench of China the great hole of China

10:52I was looking for the reverse of wall. Yes, but you're very honest

10:57Trench yes, I would have said trench to

11:09Willie you made a very brave effort, but I'm going to ask and to join me for the supermatch

11:14Willie Birmingham from Huddersfield. You didn't you certainly didn't let anybody down and you did very well three points

11:20It's very good on this show and you'll go back to Huddersfield

11:23I'm very pleased to say your journey has not been wasted because you'll have a blankety blank checkbook and pen

11:44Oh

11:54Well, it's lucky little chap by my side is is an turban of a valve church in Worcestershire

12:00Welcome and now you know about the supermatch

12:03What happens is we ask a studio audience to sit down and be very quiet and like tonight they usually are

12:09But we also ask questions and they give us answers now

12:13Those are the three most popular you see over there in ascending order of popularity or indeed foolishness worth

12:18Fifty hundred and a hundred and fifty blanks and they're worth these truly wonderful prizes

12:38A

12:41No need to be so half-hearted about our prizes, you know a

12:47Lot of money's gone into buying

12:49Well, not much

12:51Now and I'm sure you'd love to win each and every one of those and indeed we'd like to win them because they've been hanging

12:56Around for quite a long time

12:58Eugene may I have the first thingy, please?

13:02Good lord, look at that best blank now and for this thrill-a-moment thing

13:07You will have the help of any heavens what a choice

13:14Pick them one at a time David David, it's best

13:19wishes

13:21Many now you're sorry

13:23Best friend who else?

13:27Beryl

13:29Best man best man now, it's a studio audience. They're likely to think you can think of your own thing

13:34You don't have to follow the advice

13:36Advice you've just been given from Lenny who says best friend David who says best wishes and Beryl who says best man?

13:44Now, what do you think a studio audience is going to say apart from the usual abuse?

13:50Best wishes. Yeah, I think it could be right. We'll see but the prizes are certainly thrilling now

13:59Oh, no, they're not 50 blanks then Eugene best of luck

14:08Two words best blankety-blank that was okay best wishes you're looking for a hundred blanks

14:15That's it

14:28Well, and that that winning of the hundred blanks means that you've won something that Oh beyond your wildest dreams

14:35Let's have a look and see what a foolish studio audience has said should be 150 blanks best what?

14:41Oh

14:43Beryl said that

14:45You know, I wouldn't have said that in a million years best wishes. I would have thought my sympathies are all with you

14:49And however, you've won his and hers watches

14:53Yeah, and you have a chance to come back on the old head-to-head and maybe win for what?

15:02We'll see you later, thank you

15:10And

15:19So friends drained of all emotions we now move on to the next plucky couple that's Bob and Mary Mary

15:27What's your second name Jackson Mary Jackson from where?

15:30Well originally from your part of the world, but now in Bournemouth, I see. Well, what do you do in Bournemouth?

15:41Oh

15:42You write poems. Have you got a little poem for us that a little vignette a stanza? No, they're too long

15:49I think perhaps later on we'll all go around to Mary's in Bournemouth and have a lively evening with the poetry

15:56No, Mary that's Bob over there Bob what I would look Bob Baudelaire. Yeah, it's an unusual name. What do you do Bob?

16:03I'm in the army

16:05And is it a secret of what particular rank or section you're in

16:09You're a staff sergeant a bit of a bit of a roughneck. I mean you you drive the men hard

16:15Yes a kind and gentle staff sergeant

16:20A or B

16:22It's a lads Jesse James said and this is where I will probably go into the old Western accent Wow

16:36Everybody here we come. Okay. Yeah

16:43Jesse James said okay big Jake. I'm gonna fill you so full of holes. They'll be able to use you as a blank

16:51Oh

17:03All right, who was that who was I impersonating there Jimmy Young

17:10Right first

17:12Jesse James said Bob. Okay, big Jake. I'm gonna fill you so full of holes. They'll be able to use you as a blank

17:21Always a hint in the question even a Western one. I'm going to fill you so full of holes. They'll be able to use you as a blank

17:32Everybody ready put on the lights then Len and Maddie and Tracy

17:36David and

17:39Don't be testy with me. I'm not doing it. I'm only do my

17:51Day

18:01What man's magic no work

18:06Bob

18:08Jesse James said okay, big Jake. I'm gonna fill you so full of holes. They'll be able to use you as a

18:13I'm gonna say a motorway. That's for was full of holes

18:16I'm all the way. Yeah, but you were

18:19It's it yes, it's a sieve a colander. Oh, sorry a colander

18:34Take a point there take a point a colander a sieve same old thing. Well

18:46Maybe quite wrong

18:49Maybe is that not an oleander? Is that not a different thing all together blind to newly under?

18:55or a calendar

19:07You're not gonna ruin it for Bob by you Tracy because you've been pretty unpopular so far you gotta run a lot and we

19:16I

19:20Okay

19:35Mary it's B. Hello yourself. I wish it was a I knew that

19:47Oh

19:51Would you believe there's O'Connor's car is so prehistoric

19:55It's got a nodding blank in the rear window

19:58You know the way cars have nodding dogs and things in the back window. Well, there's O'Connor's car is so prehistoric

20:05So old it's got a nodding blank in the rear window. They're not a word now until these agents have got it written down

20:12It's jolly good this light thing

20:24You played a game with me or what

20:28Would you believe desert Connors car is so prehistoric it's got a nodding dinosaur dinosaur. Yes something extremely ancient

20:43You brought it you brought a clack with you did you marry good girl? It's a dinosaur now

20:49Look, can we have a sensible answer for once?

20:55Just right every second

21:13Is that is that dyslexia or just bad spelling

21:20Now David I know

21:28The full house so far Mary, let's see Tracy Tracy

21:42You

21:49Well as everybody knows Bob and Mary you can't play anymore because they've all given you all the points six points each and so

21:56Instead of another round. It's the old

22:05No

22:07Time break. Yes. Now. This is the question. You don't have to write anything down for this gang easy Street. I

22:16Must be changing in the news department's dressing room Bob and Mary I nearly walked out here wearing Jan Leemings blanks

22:25Now Jan Leeming, that's the hint what does she do you don't know Jan Lee

22:37I

22:40Kind of puts the kibosh on the question Mary still

22:49You know Jeremy means the news she's just had the baby and she's come back on the news and the question it is nice

22:59I must be changing in the news department's dressing room. I nearly walked out here wearing Jan Leemings blanks soon

23:05As you've got it written down now, I'll go

23:21If I may leave you for a moment I should go down here and see if anybody is still here on the other side

23:28I

23:32Must be changing in the news department stress as soon as it reconciles the answer off the hand the air Mary and Bob

23:37Okay, right maternity from maternity from

23:45Jeans jeans

23:57I

24:03Mean a reader I put down news sheets, you know wrapped all around in new sheets news sheets of news

24:18There's no justice my sympathy you're gonna get something that you really love

24:27America's

24:33Bob come and join me here for the superman

24:48Yes, because Mary has been such a wonderful competitor she's not going away empty-handed I can tell you

24:54And to speed you to speed you on your way to Bournemouth

25:14Machine because I've only got an old twin

25:24Chance

25:38Get up and cuddle Terry

25:41Well, I think she deserves that then you go on Mary you give Terry a call

25:54I

25:58May leave you for the moment because Mary and I are on our way. Thank you

26:21We're gonna stick together for this Bob

26:24It's the old supermatch wasn't Mary a wonderful competitor tremendous, but the most charming people we've had now

26:31Thank you for coming

26:35Let's Eugene, let's have that other thing pulled across, please

26:42It's blank feet we're going to need the help of three people here

26:48We're all fairly pommeled

26:54I

27:05See what Roy's got to say

27:20Two feet

27:24Oh

27:28David Dave, it's all the upper echelon. You see that the colanders what flat flat feet

27:42Well, Beryl said happy feet Roy is two feet and David is flat feet now, it's a studio audience

27:48What do you think? Who do you think they're gonna go?

27:50Well barrels the expert but I think David's probably right on this one flat feet you think okay

27:56We'll see Bell was right the last time for 50 blanks. Then. Let's have a look

28:01Cold feet

28:06100 blanks

28:08big

28:10They haven't had anything right so far. What's it gonna be for 150 blanks?

28:21I

28:31So Bob goes by David's advice and he gets it right that's flat feet and that means Bob you've won

28:39Mike oh, you can see the prizes as well. It's a microwave oven Bob. Isn't that good?

28:47Yeah, I don't somehow I don't believe you

28:51Now the last contender we had that was an she got his and hers watches, but only a hundred blanks

28:56So we're going to play the head-to-head with you, Bob

29:11Now this is a chance for Bob to double up from 150 to 300 blanks and instead of the microwave oven which you wanted you're going

29:18To get a washing machine, which you didn't want

29:20I wouldn't have to give it to Mary

29:25Certainly none of us have any chance of getting out of here

29:29Intact Mary's still around. That's true. All right

29:32It's the washing machine and as I say you take your own chances when you leave the hall

29:37Now for this you have to pick one person to take part in the head-to-head the chance to double up one person

29:42With whom you think you're most in tune and it isn't a terrific choice

29:51You know the rules by now, yes, I read it out you write it down blank warden

29:58Blank warden w-a-r-d-e-n. Yes first thoughts are usually best blank warden

30:05Right think a bit Bob. Don't worry

30:09Okay blank warden, what do you say Bob traffic traffic warden

30:21So

30:29So Bob wins the washing machine which we shall have to smuggle out of the building

30:38Congratulations Bob thanks to Roy and Beryl and David Tracy Lenny and Maddie for making it such a cheery program and our contestants have been

30:45wonderful and and and everybody for just being there

30:50God I can be tremendously heartwarming can't I and boring. Yes. I hope you'll join us for another blankety-blank same time next week till then

30:58Bye-bye

31:20You

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