Their women having been enslaved by the local pack of lesbian vampires thanks to an ancient curse, the remaining menfolk of a rural town send two hapless young ...
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00:00:00Thank you for watching!
00:00:30This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:00:32Any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is coincidental and unintentional.
00:00:34This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:00:36Any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is coincidental and unintentional.
00:00:38This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:00:40Any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is coincidental and unintentional.
00:00:42This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:00:44Any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is coincidental and unintentional.
00:00:46This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:00:48Any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is coincidental and unintentional.
00:00:50This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:00:52Any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is coincidental and unintentional.
00:00:54This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:00:56This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:00:58This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:00This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:02This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:04This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:06This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:08This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:10This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:12This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:14This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:16This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:18This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:20This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:22This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:24This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:26This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:28This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:30This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:32This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:34This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:36This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:38This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:40This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:42This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:44This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:46This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:48This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:50This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:52This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:01:54This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
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00:02:00This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:02This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:04This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:06This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:08This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:10This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:12This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:14This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:16This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:18This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:20This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
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00:02:24This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:26This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:28This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:30This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:32This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:34This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:36This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:38This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:40This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:42This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:44This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:46This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:48This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:50This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:52This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:54This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:02:56This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
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00:03:00This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:02This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:04This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
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00:03:24This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:26This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:28This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:30This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:32This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:34This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:36This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
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00:03:40This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:42This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:44This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:46This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:48This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:50This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:52This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:54This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:56This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:03:58This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:00This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:02This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:04This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:06This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
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00:04:24This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:26This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:28This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:30This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:32This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:34This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:36This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:38This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:40This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:42This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:44This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:46This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:48This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:50This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:52This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:54This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:56This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:04:58This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:00This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:02This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:04This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:06This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:08This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:10This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:12This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:14This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:16This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:18This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:20This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:22This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:24This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:26This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
00:05:28This video is a derivative work of the Touhou Project.
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00:05:36Where ever it lands on the map, we go there.
00:05:38Leave it to the hands of fate
00:05:40a proper adventure.
00:05:42What do you say?
00:05:44No.
00:05:45Let the darts show us the way.
00:05:47Alright then.
00:05:49Bro it like you mean it, McLaren.
00:06:06I've never heard of it. How do you say it, crag...
00:06:09Cragwitch? Cragwitch?
00:06:12It's spelt A-D-V-N-T-U-R-E, my friend.
00:06:18Christ, you're a tit!
00:06:36PHONE RINGS
00:06:37PHONE RINGS
00:06:39Hello? Judy? Yes!
00:06:42Look, Jimmy, I've been thinking
00:06:44and I realise I've made a terrible mistake.
00:06:46I want to come back, Jimmy.
00:06:48I love you.
00:06:50What? I love you!
00:06:52Hello?
00:06:55I can't hear... Hello?
00:07:00Judy? I'll drive to meet you.
00:07:02We can talk, the two of us.
00:07:05We can work everything out.
00:07:20Why did you do that?
00:07:22We are here to hike.
00:07:24But...
00:07:26OK, maybe I did overreact a bit and I'm sorry.
00:07:29I'll buy you another one.
00:07:31Jim? Jim?
00:07:33Jim?
00:07:43Hold up a minute.
00:07:54I'll just take a little rest.
00:07:56I'll be getting a stitch.
00:07:58We've only been walking for three minutes.
00:08:00No, but you're not walking,
00:08:03it's like you're in a mood with me or something.
00:08:05Oh, I can't imagine why that would be, can you?
00:08:07You're getting a real attitude all of a sudden.
00:08:09You stamped on my phone whilst Judy was trying to make up with me.
00:08:12What, like the last seven times?
00:08:14You're a mental case. That's why we're out here,
00:08:16rather than somewhere it might be remotely possible
00:08:18to engage a single, solitary woman in so much as a polite conversation.
00:08:24There might be girls. Will, they're full.
00:08:33I'm sorry.
00:08:35I'm sorry.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:39I'm sorry.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:43I'm sorry.
00:08:45I'm sorry.
00:08:47I'm sorry.
00:08:49I'm sorry.
00:08:51I'm sorry.
00:08:53I'm sorry.
00:08:55I'm sorry.
00:08:57I'm sorry.
00:08:59I'm sorry.
00:09:01I'm sorry...!
00:09:17Chances.
00:09:24Come on, Jim. They came from there.
00:09:26Yeah, so?
00:09:28So...!
00:09:30It's just the beginning.
00:09:31These small rural places are renowned
00:09:33for breeding the creme de la creme
00:09:34of the finest female form.
00:09:35It's the fresh air, isn't it?
00:09:37I guarantee this place will be wall to wall
00:09:39with fine, young, rosy-cheeked English country maidens
00:09:41like that lot.
00:09:42Ah!
00:09:43Ah!
00:09:44Ah!
00:09:44Ah!
00:09:45Ah!
00:09:46Ah!
00:09:47Ah!
00:09:48Ah!
00:09:49Ah!
00:09:49Ah!
00:09:50Ah!
00:09:51Don't sweat it.
00:09:52Ah!
00:09:53Ah!
00:09:54Ah!
00:09:54Ah!
00:09:55Ah!
00:09:56Ah!
00:09:57Ah!
00:09:58Ah!
00:09:59Ah!
00:10:00Enjoy a scented candle.
00:10:02They're my kind of people.
00:10:03I can relate.
00:10:05Stick with me.
00:10:12Good morrow.
00:10:14Two flagons of ale, please, sir.
00:10:22There you go.
00:10:24Compliments of the house lads.
00:10:54Keep it together, mate.
00:10:56Keep it together.
00:10:57Ah!
00:11:02So how many more, Tom?
00:11:04How many more?
00:11:05Don't you be all eye and mighty with me, Vicar.
00:11:08We have to stop this madness.
00:11:10Vicar, that's his daughter.
00:11:11We can't let any more innocent people die.
00:11:13Then what?
00:11:14Then they'll come for us is what?
00:11:16What?
00:11:17Aye, aye.
00:11:17Don't you see they have us already?
00:11:19Our women are cursed.
00:11:21And we are spineless fools who let it happen.
00:11:23Look, look, I know it's hard, Vicar,
00:11:25what with your Rebecca turning 18 and all, but-
00:11:2718?
00:11:28Love it.
00:11:29Together we can stop this.
00:11:32You are either with me or against me.
00:11:35What a toss-up.
00:11:37Who is with me?
00:11:44No, it can't be.
00:11:46No, that's impossible.
00:11:49It can't be you.
00:11:50What is your name?
00:11:50Oi!
00:11:51Oi, this cost 25 quid, mate.
00:11:52That is enough, Father, that is enough!
00:11:55Daddy!
00:11:57Come, child.
00:12:05Does he know you?
00:12:06Have you been hanging out with vicars?
00:12:08Never seen him before in my life.
00:12:10Sorry about that, that's it.
00:12:12Here you go.
00:12:13No hard feelings, eh?
00:12:16Sorry for the vicar.
00:12:17He's a strange sort.
00:12:20If you lads want a bed for the night,
00:12:24there ought to be a cottage.
00:12:25The old Macallan place.
00:12:26Not two miles down the road there.
00:12:30Oh, that's great, but how much is it, though?
00:12:31Because we're a bit light on the old money.
00:12:33Oh, it don't cost nothing.
00:12:36The doors are always open.
00:12:38Any weary traveller can expect a nice, long rest.
00:12:44You, sir, are a scholar and a gent.
00:12:48If there's one thing I like more than free booze,
00:12:50it's a free bed.
00:12:51Thank you very much, it's very kind.
00:12:53It might be a bit of a tight squeeze, though.
00:12:55I sent some beautiful young girls down here
00:12:58not too long ago.
00:13:10♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, baby, take a frightful, come on, come on ♪
00:13:15♪ I like you so much better when you're naked ♪
00:13:17♪ I like me so much better when you're naked ♪
00:13:20I like you so much, better when you're naked.
00:13:23I like you so much, better when you're naked.
00:13:25I like you so much, better when you're naked.
00:13:28I like you so much, better when you're naked.
00:13:31That's it.
00:13:32Come on, come on, come on.
00:13:33Don't break down on us now.
00:13:35Come on.
00:13:36Come on.
00:13:37What?
00:13:50Come on.
00:13:51Well, that'll really help, Lucky.
00:13:53We're screwed.
00:13:54Yeah.
00:13:55Great.
00:13:56We're in the middle of nowhere, a mess from anywhere.
00:13:59Are you sure you put petrol in?
00:14:01Thank you for the fifth time, yes.
00:14:03Just checking.
00:14:05Well, let us walk to the cottage.
00:14:07We must be close.
00:14:08The landlord said it was only a few miles.
00:14:11Yeah.
00:14:12We're closer to the inn.
00:14:13We should go back there and get help.
00:14:18Yeah.
00:14:19Yeah.
00:14:20I'm only going back there with knives.
00:14:23Those men were freaky.
00:14:25I think we should stay with them.
00:14:27Yeah.
00:14:36Do you hear that?
00:14:38What is it?
00:14:41There's something out there.
00:14:43Stop scaring us, Lucky.
00:14:45Yeah.
00:14:48What is it?
00:14:51It's coming from the roof.
00:14:55It was probably just a branch.
00:14:57A branch.
00:14:58Yeah.
00:15:06No.
00:15:17Told you.
00:15:25Evening, ladies.
00:15:26Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.
00:15:28Excuse us.
00:15:29Our van just broke down and we were a little bit, how do you say, spooked.
00:15:33Seems okay now.
00:15:34Anyhow.
00:15:35Hi, I'm Lottie.
00:15:37This is Anki, Heidi and Trudy.
00:15:40Hello, Lottie, Andi, Eric.
00:15:44Hello, girls.
00:15:47Beer?
00:15:48Oh, yeah.
00:15:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:15:51You want one, tiny girl?
00:15:56The name's Fletch.
00:16:00What's your name?
00:16:01That's my man, Jimmy.
00:16:02Jimmy?
00:16:03He's recently had his heart broken by the woman that he loves.
00:16:05It's tragic.
00:16:06It's just tragic.
00:16:07It really is.
00:16:08It's just tragic.
00:16:09Hello, Jimmy.
00:16:10All right.
00:16:12So, what are four lovely ladies like you doing here on a night like this?
00:16:16We're just on our way to the old McCulloch cottage.
00:16:19There's an uncanny stroke of luck.
00:16:21These girls are all going to the exact same cottage that we are!
00:16:26Yes!
00:16:27Yes!
00:16:28Yes!
00:16:33A couple of young fellows were in here not an hour ago.
00:16:36Directed them towards the cottage, not a couple of miles down the road there.
00:16:40What?
00:16:41Just carry on down the road?
00:16:43Yeah, there you go, miss.
00:16:44Carry straight on down.
00:16:45You can't fail to see it, so you can't.
00:16:49She was a pretty one.
00:16:51She always are, isn't she?
00:16:54Sirens, cold, bewitching demons, every last one of them.
00:16:59Oi, Jack!
00:17:30Wow, all this place is amazing!
00:17:33Oh, I love it!
00:17:34Oh, cool!
00:17:35They've got beer!
00:17:36They've got beer!
00:17:37We can actually move here!
00:17:38Yeah!
00:17:39Yeah!
00:17:40Yeah!
00:17:41Yeah!
00:17:42Yeah!
00:17:43Yeah!
00:17:44Yeah!
00:17:45Yeah!
00:17:46Yeah!
00:17:47Yeah!
00:17:48Yeah!
00:17:49Yeah!
00:17:50Yeah!
00:17:51Yeah!
00:17:52Yeah!
00:17:53Yeah!
00:17:54Yeah!
00:17:55Yeah!
00:17:56Yeah!
00:17:57Yeah!
00:17:58Hear that snort!
00:17:59Yeah, come on!
00:18:03Yeah, come on!
00:18:04Jayman!
00:18:06Bottoms up!
00:18:17Feel it hot, hot, hot!
00:18:21Feel it hot, hot, hot!
00:18:28Room for the Fletchmeister?
00:18:30Yes!
00:18:32Oh, yes!
00:18:34Yes!
00:18:36Yes!
00:18:38Yes!
00:18:40Yes!
00:18:42Yes!
00:18:44Yes!
00:18:46Yes!
00:18:48Yes!
00:18:50Yes!
00:18:52Yes!
00:18:54Yes!
00:18:56Yes!
00:18:58Yes!
00:19:00Yes!
00:19:02Yes!
00:19:04Yes!
00:19:06You love Camilla?
00:19:08Yeah.
00:19:10No.
00:19:12Is that who it is?
00:19:14Yes. Camilla.
00:19:16Which is why we're all here.
00:19:18We're students of folklore and ancient superstition.
00:19:20We're on a field study trip.
00:19:22This village is home to the legend
00:19:24of Camilla the Vampire Queen.
00:19:26Vampire Queen?
00:19:28According to legend, she's much, much more than just your average
00:19:30vampire queen. Some say she's
00:19:322,000 years old.
00:19:34So you believe in all that Dungeons and Dragons rubbish, then?
00:19:36I grew up with her superstitions.
00:19:38Cragwitch is
00:19:40particularly fascinating to me.
00:19:42The Book of Folklore tells the story
00:19:44of this village and what Camilla did to it
00:19:46and its daughters.
00:19:48Even the bravest man shrinks in fear and the bravest
00:19:50woman quivers with desire at the mere mention
00:19:52of her name.
00:19:54Camilla the Vampire Queen.
00:20:00Hey!
00:20:02Jimmy Peter! Come on!
00:20:04Get a beer! Get involved!
00:20:06So many beers!
00:20:08The pub's outside.
00:20:10What? Really? It's dark out there.
00:20:12Lighting! Are you afraid
00:20:14Camilla will get you?
00:20:16Auntie, don't be mean.
00:20:18Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
00:20:20I will go with her.
00:20:26What is this?
00:20:28Here come the beers!
00:20:30Here come the beers!
00:20:32Yum!
00:20:34It's a weird guy, isn't it?
00:20:36Yum!
00:20:38His heart's in the right place.
00:20:50Hurry up!
00:21:12Anki!
00:21:14Anki, stop it!
00:21:16It isn't funny!
00:21:18Anki, stop it! It isn't funny!
00:21:28Anki, answer me now! It's not funny!
00:21:36Anki!
00:21:38Anki!
00:21:46Anki!
00:21:54Anki!
00:21:56Anki!
00:22:02Why are they taking so long?
00:22:04She's probably just having a massive sh...
00:22:08Sh...
00:22:14Sh...
00:22:16Sh...
00:22:18Sh...
00:22:20Sh...
00:22:38Sh...
00:22:40Sh...
00:22:42Sh...
00:22:44Sh...
00:22:46Sh...
00:22:48Sh...
00:22:50Sh...
00:22:52Sh...
00:22:54Sh...
00:22:56Sh...
00:22:58Sh...
00:23:02Sh...
00:23:04Sh...
00:23:06Sh...
00:23:20Trudie!
00:23:22We've got to get in there!
00:23:24Ok, stand back.
00:23:30That thing is rock-solid.
00:23:32I must have waken them. Yeah, right
00:23:43Look blood
00:23:54What's that? Let's go find out
00:24:02Oh
00:24:32Oh
00:24:44So good Jimmy
00:25:03Anything
00:25:08Oh, well, it looks like she's gone they're back inside a cup of tea
00:25:16Told you it was no one out here
00:25:19Probably just gone for a walk or something. Let's head back inside. I've still got some beers. So
00:25:24I
00:25:34Know something really wrong is happening here. Is there any chance we can just ignore it?
00:25:54Oh
00:26:18It's impossible it cannot be
00:26:21vampires
00:26:22vampires vampires
00:26:52Oh
00:27:22Oh
00:27:32Hey
00:27:35No explosion or
00:27:37Turn into burning ash or nothing. No
00:27:41Right now I'm a bit disappointed
00:27:43legends
00:27:45They're true
00:27:46This is madness. I was becoming my friends
00:27:53I
00:28:01Feel like we need to say something never
00:28:07I don't think they wanted you to say that
00:28:22I
00:28:41Mean I've always been good at cricket and golf. Maybe it's my guns. Let's please shut up. I'm sorry, mate
00:28:46I'm just a bit nervous. They'd have eaten us alive
00:28:49Where did they go?
00:28:52I
00:29:00Reckon we're all gonna die horribly. Oh for Christ's sake Fletcher. You're not helping calm down have a bit
00:29:05Have a beer we need to get out of here. We'll come up with a plan then Einstein
00:29:09Hold on the van the van good plan great plan genius. I
00:29:14Don't even want to know
00:29:16What we do now
00:29:22Thanks
00:29:23That's a sharp stakes on myself with anything that we can plunge straight through their hell-hole hearts
00:29:29Again, great idea like it plunging sharp objects
00:29:47Judy
00:30:02Vampires what? Yep lesbian vampires. Oh
00:30:10Come on we need to lie down
00:30:17Oh
00:30:20Jimmy's ex she keeps breaking up with him getting him back breaking out of him getting him back
00:30:30Hater me too
00:30:34I've been saving myself for the right man someone I can really have feelings for and I finally met him and what?
00:30:41You like Jimmy. Yes, I do. But between her and the vampires, I'd probably
00:30:46Die
00:31:05For God's sake girl cover yourself up daddy. I'm not a child anymore. Don't try me girl
00:31:16I
00:31:29Don't hate you not completely I just don't know what it is that I keep doing you don't like it's not you Jimmy
00:31:36It's me
00:31:39Well, I'm glad you realize that because if this is gonna work you're really gonna have to show me you're different
00:31:43I'm different
00:32:13I
00:32:43I
00:33:01Probably best you remember the way she was made a complete
00:33:05Oh
00:33:12Mate
00:33:13Thanks for saving my life
00:33:15Hey, you know me fella. I've got your back always have always will I?
00:33:24How you doing
00:33:31As I suspected
00:33:34Judy was a vampire. We killed her
00:33:39Fantastic
00:33:52Oh, I'm going for a pit
00:34:03Oh
00:34:11God oh gosh. Oh god. Oh god. Why are they coming in Judy walked in it? No problem
00:34:17I have to be invited in you invited to the end. Oh
00:34:24So all we have to do is sit tight till morning I
00:34:29Mean it's not like I'm gonna say hey, let's be a vampire is coming to my cottage. Is it?
00:34:41Under full-on lesbian vampire attack still got it fella
00:34:47Look I was being ironic
00:34:58Oh
00:35:04She knows my name that's not a good sign
00:35:28Oh
00:35:58I
00:36:28Need to go quickly your friends have already been taken
00:36:58Hang on how'd you know this was happening you and your friends were sent to this cottage of sacrifices
00:37:03It's an age-old deal where the villagers supply a constant stream of fresh blood in return. They get to keep their cowardly hides
00:37:11Well, so we were just a light buffets. Listen your friends arrival in our hammer today is no coincidence
00:37:16It's divine intervention fulfilling a primordial prophecy
00:37:20Does he bear a birthmark five red scratches around here?
00:37:24Yeah, his bloodline is the key to the resurrection of the purest evil known to mankind Carmilla the vampire Queen
00:37:34Hey and paradoxically the only thing that can lift this village from a centuries-old curse that turns every woman on her 18th birthday into
00:37:41a vampire
00:37:44Becomes 18 within hours
00:37:47But I know you mean well, I really do and I love the vibe the hat that there's you look amazing
00:37:52But and even under these circumstances, this is a bit of a stretch
00:37:57Understand your confusion, let's be on our way
00:38:03Back to the village I'm not going back out there
00:38:05I've just nearly been eaten three times by some of the hottest women I've ever met
00:38:09Starting to become a bit of a bind, you know, I mean, but it's not too late to save your friends this village the entire world
00:38:16Yeah, well, you know, that's a lot of it. All right
00:38:28What's the border scratches the crew superwoman drives the beast away just get it
00:38:36Okay scratch monster, where are we going the tomb of your friends great ancestor
00:38:46I
00:39:16A
00:39:26Moment that has infested our dreams and our desires
00:39:31For what seems like an eternity is finally upon us
00:39:47For this night the last of the McLaren clan shall fall
00:39:53And our queen should rise again
00:40:00The vampire queen
00:40:04Sorry, okay
00:40:08So his blood mix with my virgin blood brings her back, you know, not pretty one
00:40:14I've heard the Camilla. No, I haven't heard of you. Obviously, you're not even enough to even make the history books
00:40:27Wow
00:40:31Soon she will marry you
00:40:35And with her resurrection this land will be ensnared forever
00:40:43Oh
00:41:05Final resting place of Baron Wolfgang McLaren the third
00:41:09He is our salvation and our only hope
00:41:13the prophecy foretold of this day when the last
00:41:15Descendant of the McLaren clan would return with his blood and that of a virgin Carmilla shall rise again concealed within this tomb
00:41:21Is the weapon that can slay the beast forever the sword of Dieldo?
00:41:26And what's that name Dieldo the god of lust?
00:41:29Said to be Carmilla's arch demonic foe in the underworld of Hades a hideous multi tentacle beast
00:41:34The only being brave enough to have tried to penetrate Carmilla's violence depths and paid for it with his life
00:41:40Let me get this straight your plan is
00:41:42Wait, this evil hips we resurrected
00:41:44Stake her with the sword of whatever thus rescuing my mate curing your daughter ending the curse and saving the entire planet exactly
00:41:51So are you with me?
00:41:53Not really. I got much control
00:41:56Here you do this I need to check on my Rebecca what now go on earth the corpse and all
00:42:01Concealed within this tomb is the only way
00:42:09This is officially the worst holiday ever
00:42:31Oh
00:42:48My defense I only tried that side
00:43:02Oh you go down there my boy, excuse me, there's no time to waste. Hurry up. Will you go down there? Oh
00:43:13Mike I'm unbelievable. It's not my daughter
00:43:19Can you see the sword give me a minute, please
00:43:24My first time in a tomb gravestone
00:43:28The
00:43:30Handle draws on the power of the demon beyond rendering this blade and this blade alone capable of destroying her once and for all
00:43:38What?
00:43:39How it just does okay?
00:43:43Right, we're gonna go there and we're gonna die. Let's get on with the job. I'll load up on weapons. You cover the Baron back up
00:43:58I
00:44:00Mean can I tell you something? Have you come up with an escape plan? No, I'm still thinking. I think we're running out of time. I
00:44:08Just wanted to say that had we met under different circumstances
00:44:11I would very much have liked to go on to know you better. Really? Yes
00:44:16In fact, even though we've just spent a few hours together. I
00:44:20Feel like I've known you forever
00:44:23I
00:44:29Thought you might have picked up on my signals
00:44:32Signals what signals what did I miss?
00:44:36To me I love you
00:44:43Now that will never be
00:44:53Ah
00:45:08Wow
00:45:15What
00:45:17What'd you just say?
00:45:19You call me what I'm a fat piece of
00:45:30No one mess with the Fletchmeister and it in
00:45:35Hello
00:45:36and I
00:45:39wasn't doing and
00:45:41Star Wars, it's not
00:45:43Chewy I wasn't know. Hmm. What are you doing out? You probably shouldn't be out here, you know, I know
00:45:50I'm so it's your birthday today. It's just gone midnight
00:46:04So you're 18, but daddy wouldn't approve anyway
00:46:19I
00:46:47Ready
00:46:50We have little time my Rebecca will soon be taken. Yep
00:47:17You have his eyes
00:47:19I used to love those eyes
00:47:23until alert
00:47:36Exquisite I
00:47:37Will bleed you slowly and let me let feed upon your flesh while it is still warm in your veins
00:47:49I
00:48:02Hope the moon bleeds the resurrection has begun
00:48:06There's no need to panic my friend. Just stay close to me. I'm well versed in the knowledge of killing vampires
00:48:11Yeah, so is everyone steaks garlic beheading holy water sunlight, really?
00:48:17Yeah, it's in books films telly. It's pretty common knowledge
00:48:22so
00:48:23Where's this resurrection likely to be happening in there?
00:48:27the crypt of Carmilla
00:48:29Do you gonna say that?
00:48:32Never gonna be somewhere unscary sounding was it like the garden or scullery? No scullery is quite scary
00:48:37Hey, it's got the word skull in it. Yeah, as opposed to the crypt, which has got undead corpses in it
00:48:43Remember
00:48:46This they can die faster they can die slow, but they have to die
00:48:50How would you do this in the morning? It may be too late for your friends by then
00:48:54It will certainly be too late for Rebecca
00:48:58Well, this is it good luck Fletch let's try to come back alive
00:49:03But
00:49:07If I don't make out of this there's one thing I want you to know
00:49:13I blame you entirely
00:49:43Oh
00:49:45Oh
00:50:12This is how you
00:50:15Cry like a baby begging for your life
00:50:20Please Jimmy put yourself together. Don't give her the satisfaction
00:50:25You give me my satisfaction
00:50:29Lottie just so you know before she turns you I found you really attractive
00:50:45We have an escape plan what Fletcher save us
00:50:50Fletch
00:50:53I could have avoided being here. I probably would have done
00:51:04Damn
00:51:08Damn damn you ever actually fired that thing before first time what's your week Vic?
00:51:15Fancy a piece of me there, yeah
00:51:18Come on
00:51:42Oh
00:51:45Your friends blood has already been drawn the resurrection has begun
00:51:48I know we got a gal bit cuts imminent darkness is already upon us your friends my Rebecca. Oh, you know, it's a guilt trip on
00:52:00Let's do this
00:52:06I'll be okay
00:52:08How can this be? Okay?
00:52:10All I wanted to do was enjoy life hike get some fresh air a few pints
00:52:15But no, nothing's as simple as that, is it now we're gonna end up dead
00:52:27The crypt is through here
00:52:32Society
00:52:40Oh
00:52:54There's only one solution hand me the sword of Dieldo haven't you got it I
00:52:59Thought you had it
00:53:01You're the one going on about how important is what we've got to do is wait for this evil. Just rise and stabber
00:53:05I wouldn't get it. I'll try and keep them off you. I'm right. You will tell Rebecca. I love her
00:53:35Oh
00:54:05I
00:54:11Hate him
00:54:13Oh
00:54:32Spade I'm darling
00:54:43You are
00:54:59Have to help us
00:55:06What is it with you indoors let's ram it
00:55:14Hmm
00:55:21Keys Vickers gone. What do you know? It's a hotwire rehearse. Yeah, no worries. Brilliant. Let's go
00:55:25Of course, I don't have to hotwire rehearse you idiot
00:55:28Oh
00:55:36First I'm going to torture you then I'm going to turn you you'll be my plaything
00:55:43That's it then
00:55:45Problem with you James. You're a pessimist. You wanna grab some weapons we can be in for a rock
00:55:58Oh
00:56:15Destroy that psycho very powerful
00:56:28I
00:56:36Knew would not resist me forever
00:56:58Sorry, you know my type
00:57:28Oh
00:57:58Oh
00:58:28Oh
00:58:58Oh
00:59:28Oh
00:59:58Oh
01:00:21That's the mighty fine hotwire skills you got there lady, thanks, right now what dunno
01:00:28Go home
01:00:29Go home
01:00:31They've taken my friends. They very nearly took our lives and we never even dreamed they existed before tonight
01:00:36How can we just go home to our beds?
01:00:39What's she talking about
01:00:42This village is free, but more creatures like Camilla lurk in the dark corners of the world
01:00:47No one would believe us if we tell them we are the only people who know the truth
01:00:51We must go out there and fight this menace
01:00:54Are you suggesting we become lesbian vampire killers, that's what it takes
01:01:04Yeah, well I ain't got anything else on in particular at the moment so I mean Jim
01:01:10Come on, you might as well join us
01:01:14That's been vampire killers it is that's right
01:01:23Oh
01:01:53Let's go
01:02:23I
01:02:44Whisper things in your
01:02:53My little dog take my let's go for a little walk
01:03:23You
01:03:53You
01:04:23You
01:04:53You
01:05:23You
01:05:53You
01:06:23You