- 4/22/2025
Comedian Christopher Titus can’t be sued for his new, dark jokes about other people… because those people died.
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00:00Christopher Titus!
00:02Thank you guys, thanks for having me on on this solemn National Cookie Day.
00:07I remember when we marched to make this happen,
00:10and you remember when cookies were just held back and totally just pushed aside.
00:15They would sick German Shepherds on people.
00:17They would go after the cookies, though.
00:19Exactly. It was crazy.
00:20So I'm glad that we finally, you know, by the way, power to the people is all I'm saying on this National Cookie Day.
00:25Good to see you though, man. It's been a while.
00:27We made it through COVID. Obviously, she still has it.
00:32Thanks for having me in, Rick. Six feet, six feet.
00:36Because six feet was the thing.
00:37It stops dead at six feet.
00:39Yeah, viruses are like, whoa, we can't get through this barrier of distance.
00:43Well, you were saying that Caring Monsters, you know, your life has been dark.
00:47Yeah.
00:48To begin with, but dark in a way that connects with a lot of people.
00:51Where do you have to go with to write your darkest show yet?
00:54Well, this show, okay, so Caring Monsters, these are stories that for many years I couldn't tell.
00:58Okay.
00:59And then a bunch of people died, and now they're just stories I shouldn't tell.
01:03Oh, really?
01:04But there's going to be less lawyers involved.
01:06Wow.
01:07Well, that's very promising.
01:08Yeah.
01:09Yeah, it's, I've had a very weird, odd life, and like I talk about, like, I don't have any normal stories.
01:16Like, here's one about me getting kidnapped.
01:18So, I live with my mom in LA, and she, basically my dad's child support would not pay for my care and her alcoholism.
01:27So, she sent me to live with my great grandparents in Detroit.
01:30And a lot of people say, Titus, you don't have this, you're supposed to be a California boy, but you don't have a California attitude.
01:35You have this edge to you.
01:36Why?
01:37And I always say, first rule of Detroit Kindergarten Fight Club is you don't talk about Detroit Kindergarten Fight Club.
01:40Second rule of Detroit Kindergarten Fight Club is I'm a little teapot short and stout.
01:44You got a problem?
01:45So, and I was living with my great grandparents, and these are old people from another century.
01:50These people, you got sick around them, they did not go, they did not go to the CVS.
01:54They went in the backyard and dug medicine up.
01:56Right.
01:57I'm not, I'm not.
01:58Press his head, same way.
01:59Dude, I had a summer once and made me take a bath in vinegar.
02:01Yeah.
02:02Yeah, me too.
02:03Yeah, I was like, these old people are marinating me, man.
02:05Yeah.
02:06Are we out of cat food?
02:07What?
02:08Remember Bee Stings was meat tenderizers?
02:10Yeah.
02:11Or chewed tobacco.
02:12My grandmother.
02:13Did they just go through the pantry?
02:14I don't know.
02:15Let's just put this on.
02:16In Godfather 2, where young Vito, I think it's, is it Sonny, the baby Sonny, he has
02:23the cough and they put the candle on.
02:25The candle on his chest.
02:26Yeah.
02:27All that weird crap.
02:28Yeah.
02:29Oh, that's funny, man.
02:30So anyway, I live with these crazy people.
02:31My dad had to kidnap me from them.
02:32It's a longer story in the show, but he kidnapped me and he's on the plane.
02:36He's coming out to go, he's coming, he'd be just like, first of all, he had to find out
02:39where I was.
02:40Yeah.
02:41Because my parents were divorced and they hated each other, so he poked around.
02:42And by that, I mean he slept with a couple of my mom's friends.
02:45And he found out where I was.
02:47Dude, you're freaking life, man.
02:48And dude, well, and he's flying out, he's flying out to Detroit.
02:51This is a true story.
02:52And my dad told me this story.
02:53He's drinking like it's a superpower.
02:54Just pounding alcohol.
02:55Yeah.
02:56Just loudly working out his kidnapping plan to the man next to him.
03:00Oh my God.
03:01And he's going, yeah, I'm a girl.
03:02Those old people trying to stop me.
03:03I'm going to beat their ass.
03:04And he goes, I'm sorry, I've been talking the whole flight.
03:06What do you do for a living?
03:07And the man says, I'm the Detroit Metro District Attorney.
03:10Oh!
03:11Oh my God!
03:12Yes, but thank God that horrible ex-wives are not rare, because this man was going through
03:16a divorce and she was messing with his kids.
03:18So instead of arresting my father when they landed in Detroit, from this point of the flying
03:21forward, this man gave my dad a seminar on how to legally kidnap a child.
03:25Are you kidding?
03:26Jesus Christ.
03:27Yeah, no, he was like the Tony Robbins of child abduction.
03:29He was like, first you've got to believe in you.
03:31So that's one of the stories.
03:33Oh my God.
03:34So the story just goes through my divorce.
03:36It goes through losing my kids and getting him back.
03:39When I wrote it, I took it to the Fringe.
03:41I got booked to the Fringe Festival in Scotland.
03:43Right.
03:44Which is amazing.
03:45And I'm like, the Fringe Festival.
03:46It's the edge, man.
03:47You're on the edge.
03:48It's the fringe.
03:49Yeah.
03:50And I was like, you know, Mel Gibson is disappointed in all of you right now.
04:00And so then I brought it back to America and I started getting standing ovations.
04:03Like, oh, America, we are the most screwed up country internationally.
04:07There's no other country as ruined as us.
04:09Well, I have to ask you, because you said you're waiting for people to pass away.
04:13You know, and I'm sure there's...
04:15There's some stories.
04:16My grandma-titis is a story about my grandma-titis that is so...
04:19My grandma-titis...
04:20How do I describe her?
04:21My grandma-titis was a grandma with no hugs.
04:23It was your entire, generationally speaking, because you had a very abusive existence.
04:29Yeah, whoa, whoa.
04:30I've made a lot of money off this.
04:32Is it abusive if I bought a house with it?
04:34Yeah, I know.
04:35But how many...
04:36Have you ever done like a 23 and abused or something that takes you back and...
04:40I mean, how far back were the seeds planted for this?
04:43Because it does happen.
04:44You know, you run organizations to help people.
04:46Well, I'm glad we're here for therapy.
04:47Yeah.
04:48I just...
04:49You know, it's funny.
04:50I did 23andMe, and lying is in my DNA.
04:53It's literally...
04:54I was raised by a manic depressive schizophrenic and a womanizing schizophrenic who...
04:57By the way, my dad had so many women, it was crazy.
05:00My father...
05:01My father...
05:02He's a single father in the 70s, so he was, you know, busy.
05:04Yeah.
05:05And it was pre-AIDS.
05:08Yeah, yeah.
05:09And he was also partly responsible for AIDS.
05:10I'm not saying he was patient zero, but he knew somebody who knew patient zero.
05:14Oh, my God.
05:15And the weird thing, I was his six-year-old wingman.
05:17We'd go to these things called Parents Without Partners, you know, where you could take your
05:20kids...
05:21Yeah.
05:22And he'd be like her.
05:23And I'd have to go over to these women and be like, my dad thinks you're gorgeous.
05:24And he'd come over, hey, stop.
05:25Whoa, he's...
05:26Sorry, he's so...
05:27He's not...
05:28He's being a bad...
05:29Hi, I'm Ken.
05:30Yeah.
05:31Like, at six years old, I was a vagina gricker.
05:33God, man, that's wild.
05:35But I think when it becomes your life...
05:37Like, I didn't know...
05:39My mom was mentally ill.
05:40My dad was who he was.
05:41As a kid, you don't know.
05:43You don't know that's a weird life, you know?
05:45At one point, you just look around and go, how come there's no other kids here playing
05:47Hot Wheels with me at the Whiskey River Saloon at midnight?
05:49Why?
05:50How similar was Stacy Keach to your actual dad in your sitcom?
05:54So here's...
05:55Okay, so Keach...
05:56Okay, all right.
05:57So Keach was...
05:58Read the script and he was doing it so well.
06:01And then my dad for the pilot came down and in the middle of this...
06:05We're getting the...
06:06Shooting the pilot for time.
06:07Right.
06:08My dad came and hung out with Fox for like four days while we're shooting.
06:09Right.
06:10Stacy and my dad disappear for like five hours.
06:13Gone.
06:14Like, no one can find him.
06:15I'm sending PAs to go, where's my dad?
06:17What's going on?
06:18They come back later.
06:19They both are a little lit.
06:21Stacy looks at me and goes, I got it.
06:24So he hung out with my dad and basically interrogated him.
06:27That's wild.
06:28And sucked his essence out.
06:30Wow.
06:31That's wild.
06:32Some actor magic and he was always funny but after that day there was an extra element
06:37of fear that he put into it and my dad was really...
06:42My dad watched the show for a while before it passed and one day he just called me and
06:46he goes, I want you to know I didn't realize that's how I raised you.
06:50Wow.
06:51You got to remember with people.
06:52People were always...
06:53Like you said, it's a track.
06:54Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:55It's not that my dad just was raised by these great people and then became an a-hole.
06:58It's like, no, no.
06:59It was built in.
07:00Yeah.
07:01It was...
07:02It's a legacy.
07:03Yeah.
07:04There you go.
07:05Exactly.
07:06But you've done so much with your comedy and the different things the organizations and
07:10charities you've been involved with.
07:12Yeah.
07:13To fight that, which is great.
07:15But there is something about it.
07:17The absurdity of the family dynamic leads to great material.
07:21Yeah.
07:22Let me ask you.
07:23Given your druthers, would you have had a pristine Brady Bunch existence or what you
07:27went through if it meant that the course of your life would be dramatically changed?
07:31I would be selling Geico insurance if I was raised by normal, nice people.
07:36Yeah.
07:37My mom was a manic depressive schizophrenic.
07:39She had a 185 IQ, spoke four languages, played concert piano, and shot and killed her
07:44third husband.
07:45Yeah.
07:46Wow.
07:47You're caught up now, people.
07:48Yeah.
07:49Wow.
07:50Preston wanted to ask...
07:51Ann got acquitted and got the guy's life insurance policy because he was abusive.
07:54Oh, wow.
07:55Oh, wow.
07:56It's such a good story.
07:57You have to be really abusive to get done there.
07:58Preston had wanted to ask you before he went on air about a story about...
08:02Yeah.
08:03I saw that you had a really bad dental experience and I was curious what that was all about.
08:08I had a dental near-death experience.
08:10Near-death experience.
08:11So when I was 16 or 17, I was the dumb kid in school.
08:18The only way I'd get noticed was to be goofy.
08:20Yeah.
08:21So we were drinking with friends one night and we didn't have a bottle opener.
08:24And I said, you know, man, I got a bottle opener in my face.
08:27Oh, my gosh.
08:28And I...
08:29You were that guy.
08:31I was that guy.
08:32Yeah.
08:33I was jackass before jackass was popular.
08:35And it was just my desperation and fear.
08:37So I popped this bottle and it broke off these three teeth.
08:40So I lived with that for a long time.
08:42Yeah.
08:43Up until I smelled like death all the time.
08:45Ugh.
08:46And by the way, I wasn't born with great teeth.
08:48I mean...
08:49Likewise.
08:50These aren't mine.
08:51Yeah.
08:52Right.
08:53No, when I was...
08:54My teeth...
08:55My genetic teeth were just all over the place.
08:56My mouth looked like a bunch of people trying to escape a nightclub fire.
08:59Oh, my God.
09:00I call them classic Irish teeth.
09:02Yeah.
09:03Exactly.
09:04So what happened was I...
09:05So over the years, I had gotten a bunch of dental work and I finally decided to get
09:09these crazy implants.
09:10So I go to this dental surgeon guy.
09:12And this, by the way, I tell this whole story in my last special of Zero Side Effects.
09:16And I go to this dental surgeon guy who's...
09:18He's like the best, baddest ass dude.
09:20He's from Sudan.
09:22And he doesn't like to joke.
09:24Anyway, so here's what happened.
09:26He takes out this giant molar.
09:28And I didn't...
09:29Your molar's a lie from God.
09:30You get that?
09:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:32In the mirror, it looks like a tiny little tooth.
09:33They don't tell you that underneath the gum line, there's this baby's head sized piece
09:38of enamel that they...
09:39And he pulls this thing out and I'm on nitrous and he starts digging around.
09:43And as he's digging around, my ear goes...
09:45And I'm like...
09:46And I go, hey, who are you?
09:47Yeah.
09:48And he goes, no, I can't talk.
09:49And he goes, yes?
09:50And he goes, oh, there's a nerve that goes past where that molar was.
10:00I'm probably hitting it.
10:02I'm like, what is it?
10:03No, finally.
10:04No, you definitely hit it.
10:06So I'm freaking out.
10:09And he goes, I tell you what, I will give you some more nitrous.
10:12And I was like, I'm applauding.
10:14I'm applauding.
10:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:16Well, what happened was he cranks the nitrous up so high, I go out.
10:19Next thing I know, I'm standing behind him watching them work on me.
10:22Wow.
10:23And then I start floating through the dentist's office.
10:27People, I'm not making this up.
10:29I floated through the second floor, third floor.
10:31And next thing I know, I was hovering above Los Angeles.
10:34I guess I had died and become a drone of some sort.
10:38I'm not making this up.
10:39I kept going.
10:40I went to space.
10:41I'm not making this up.
10:42I'm not making this up.
10:43And I'm floating in space.
10:44And I can see the entire universe end to end.
10:46And I thought, my God, I picked the wrong dentist.
10:50But here's what really happened.
10:53In the middle of it, I was, whatever was going on was not good.
10:56Yeah.
10:57Because what happened after, I could see the earth and the earth was so, I feel like we're
11:01in some, like, Larry King special.
11:04Right, yeah.
11:05And the earth was so smart.
11:06And I had this weird insight where I thought, oh, none of it matters.
11:09We're all going to die.
11:11There's eight billion people on that planet and no one's going to be remembered.
11:14So why am I upset?
11:16Right.
11:17Why am I worried every day?
11:18Why do I panic for no reason?
11:20And I had this weird calm.
11:22And I figured I was dead anyway, so what does it matter?
11:25What does it matter?
11:26God was saying, hey, relax, dude.
11:27You're dead.
11:28It's good.
11:29And next thing you know, I'm slammed back in my body.
11:31And I open my eyes and the dentist is shaking me.
11:34This guy who's been calm.
11:36He's like, wake up.
11:37Are you okay?
11:38Wake up.
11:39Wake up.
11:40Breathe.
11:41Holy Jesus.
11:42And I woke up and I was like, you're going to kill me.
11:46And if you kill me, my wife would have owned this building.
11:51And I walked out of there with a sense of purpose in life that I don't, it's weird.
11:55I don't worry about stuff anymore.
11:57Wow.
11:58You had a classic.
11:59Literally, you can ask my wife, it changed everything.
12:01That's amazing.
12:02Yeah.
12:03That was right at the beginning of the pandemic, maybe two months into it.
12:06And my behavior, you can ask my wife.
12:08She'd be like, nah, he's a different guy.
12:09A switch click.
12:10No kidding.
12:11Yeah.
12:12Yeah.
12:13There is something to, you know, when you get those moments in life and they come and
12:16you probably get two or three profound ones that are like direction resetters.
12:20Yeah.
12:21And, but they, you know, like, yeah, it's an amazing thing.
12:24I still almost fought a heckler at McGooby's in Timonium.
12:27I'm not making that up.
12:28We had, well, cause there's no one, there's balance, there's no balance.
12:31No one wants to work for comedy clubs anymore.
12:33Right.
12:34So the Timonium, we had a, we had a night where there was this guy heckling.
12:37I was slamming him and no one was making it McGooby's and no one was shutting the dude up.
12:40Yeah.
12:41No one was shutting the dude.
12:42And, and they had these bouncers that had to be like, they literally had to be freshmen.
12:44And they were like, Hey, can you stop talking?
12:46You got to come on, man.
12:47Yeah.
12:48And I'm like, and then they, and so there was a guy in front of him and I was, and this
12:52guy wouldn't get up and leave.
12:53And I said, dude, I can't make you look any more stupid.
12:55I can't.
12:56Yeah.
12:57And in front of him was a big fan turned around.
12:58And this guy, again, this guy, this guy's shoulder started from the top of his head.
13:03It just went.
13:04He was Shrek.
13:05I'm not making this up.
13:06Yeah.
13:07Found out later.
13:08He was a correctional officer.
13:09This guy who's a fan of mine turns around, gets right in this guy's face and goes, it's
13:11time for you to leave.
13:12Whoa.
13:13I got up.
13:14Well, here's what happened.
13:15So that guy gets up.
13:16The guy who he finally gets up.
13:17Cause he realizes he's going to get broken in half.
13:19He flips me off.
13:20Then he, that guy bumps into a table with this other dude.
13:22Oh yeah.
13:23No, no.
13:24This other dude.
13:25And that guy stands up, starts screaming.
13:26Then these two people over here, lady goes, that was wrong.
13:29What you did.
13:30And then a guy yells at her, shut the F up lady.
13:32And then her husband turns around and goes, you shut the F up.
13:35And then she turns to her husband and goes, you shut the F up.
13:37And then I start hearing, and I go, now what the hell's going on?
13:42And they go, the little black guy's wife is blind and she can't feel him now.
13:47So she goes into a full panic attack.
13:49Oh my God.
13:50It's a melee.
13:51There's no way they can't get anybody out of the room.
13:53And come on guys, you gotta stop talking about it.
13:55So I, you see me on stage go, that's it.
13:58I go, what's going on with it?
13:59And they go, she's blind.
14:00And I go, God.
14:01And I go, that's it.
14:02I go, let's go, man.
14:03And I jump off the stage and I go grab one of the guys.
14:06And I, and I'm going to hit, I'm like, we're fighting.
14:08And I wear a lav mic too.
14:10The audience is hearing Titus psycho out.
14:12Yeah.
14:13But no one, I gotta finish the show.
14:15Let me finish my jokes.
14:16I get a grab by a Philly PD guy.
14:18And I didn't know that.
14:19He goes, Titus, stop, stop, stop, stop.
14:20He goes, I'm Philly PD.
14:21I got this.
14:22And when Philly PD tells you they got this, they're half criminals.
14:24Hey, got it.
14:25I got it.
14:26Yeah, you got it.
14:27This guy might disappear.
14:28I'm fine.
14:29At that point, I'm still mad.
14:30And my, my wife, who's a comic gets three inches from my face and goes, you need to get back
14:34on the stage right now.
14:35Control yourself.
14:36And if you've been married, that works.
14:38I just turned.
14:39I walked back on stage.
14:40I gave the audience a five minute lecture, Ted talk about comedy.
14:43And then we, I got a standing ovation when we ended.
14:46You know what?
14:47I have a question about being a comedian and, and when these, this heckler, you know, it's,
14:51it's inevitable.
14:52It's going to happen.
14:53I don't know how long you've been in it.
14:54And, and, and at some point, if you're not getting assistance from a club, is there a
14:58point where you've, you've exhausted what, what you've done to try to, you know, can you,
15:03can you stop and go, dude, I'm working here.
15:05I'm, this is my job.
15:06I'm doing this.
15:07Can you, is there a hand, but there's a, there's a, there's a, you, you can't give up
15:11like that.
15:12That's giving up.
15:13You have to be like, all right, here's what's going to happen.
15:15So I've done this before.
15:16I go, listen, guy, I was doing this Mark.
15:19I used to go to Mark Twain's open mics.
15:21So, so I, I, I go, I will shred your soul.
15:26Do you want me to?
15:27Cause we'll do it right now.
15:28You ready?
15:29And they'll be like, yeah, bring it.
15:30Okay.
15:31All right.
15:32What do you, and I'll go, I'm going to ask you three questions.
15:33And I go, I'm going to rip every single thing.
15:35No matter what you say, I'm going to shred you.
15:37You ready?
15:38And I'll go, what do you do for a living?
15:39And they'll do it.
15:40Bam.
15:41I'll just do five minutes on what he does for a living.
15:42I go, are you married?
15:43Oh, you're divorced.
15:44Yeah, of course you're.
15:45And I just, and, and I've done it where I've had people put their hands up and just go,
15:48okay, I'm good.
15:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:50All right.
15:51But you have, you have to show that you can do it.
15:53Yeah.
15:54And you did it.
15:55Yeah.
15:56You have to, you have to approach it like, dude, I, I, I am, I'm a cage lion here all
16:00the time and I will eat you.
16:01Yeah.
16:02And, and that's, and you have to have that.
16:03By the way, being a comedian, you have to, you have to, here's how delusional you have
16:06to be.
16:07Here's how, you have to be able to think that you're the most special, important, friendliest,
16:13most interesting, charismatic human being on the planet to walk up in front of four or
16:17hundred strangers and make them laugh every 10 seconds.
16:19Yeah.
16:20That's serial killer level confidence.
16:22Right.
16:23Yeah.
16:24And so if you think you're going to say something, you were, cause you work at Geico, you're
16:28going to mess with me.
16:29You're mistaken.
16:30Right.
16:31Well, so I, I'm not a comedian, but I love going to comedy shows.
16:33I love going to places like helium.
16:34Um, but do you think Chris, cause you've done this so long that the mentality of the person
16:38who is heckling you is that, uh, they are either going to get roasted or they are, quote
16:42unquote, a part of the show for the first drag.
16:44That, that gets said a lot.
16:45I mean, bring you off stage and they're like, Hey, man, I was just being part of the show.
16:48No, you weren't.
16:49No, no, no.
16:50You're being annoying.
16:51You were throwing axes at me.
16:52Basically.
16:53Try that in a movie theater.
16:54Stand up in a movie theater.
16:55I'm being part of the movie for you.
16:57Yes.
16:58Yes.
16:59Steven Spielberg asked me to come here.
17:00Right.
17:01You know, the problem is, and I think this happens partially because there's a legend and lore of people
17:06like Patrice O'Neal who literally did that.
17:10Master.
17:11Got up and killed.
17:13And so, but those, that's the outlier.
17:15So is there a story that Patrice heckled one night and just shredded?
17:18That was it.
17:19He was, he was heckling and the comedian got, said, come on up on, you know, Steve.
17:23Here, you do, you think you can do better.
17:24And he did.
17:25And this is, you know, you know.
17:27By the way, that's the one story.
17:29Yeah.
17:30By the way.
17:31By the way.
17:32By the way.
17:33By the way.
17:34By the way.
17:35Patrice was so funny.
17:36Mm-hmm.
17:37Like, so, you know the story that they would go to the comedy cellar and comics would just
17:41sit at the table with Patrice.
17:42Yes.
17:43To specifically have their asses handed to them.
17:46Yeah.
17:47Cause Patrice would just sit there and just go bam, bam, bam, bam.
17:49And you know, I never got to experience it cause I would have cried.
17:53Yeah.
17:54From laughter and also cause you know.
17:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:57I'd be like, dad?
17:58But, but, but, but the legend of Patrice is that Patrice, it was like an honor to get
18:05roasted by him.
18:06So I love that he did that.
18:07Yeah.
18:08We had him in a couple times.
18:09Yeah.
18:10You know, we obviously, it was in the last years of his life.
18:13But man, oh man, he was just, you know, you've got that energy, the comedic, it's there.
18:19It's, it's in the DNA and he had that.
18:22You know, so I have a thing where I have to write it down and I have to work on it and
18:26I craft it.
18:27Patrice had, and there's a few comics that have this, have an innate ability to be funny
18:32off the cuff in a way that sounds written without even trying it.
18:35Right.
18:36And Patrice was one of those guys.
18:37We've had a lot of sad losses.
18:39Giraldo too.
18:40Yeah.
18:41Man, I hear Giraldo sometimes on the radio and I just, I'm like, I'm bummed out.
18:44Yeah.
18:45He was so, I will watch his roast stuff because, you know, Jeff Ross, obviously great as well.
18:52Yeah.
18:53We call him the, you know, the, the, the master.
18:54But for my money, Giraldo was the guy.
18:57Brutal.
18:58Brutal.
18:59But, but brilliant.
19:00And, and Giraldo was always going up there with that, that, that sense that it wasn't a
19:04classic style Friars Club where it was always, they were friends.
19:07Yeah.
19:08A lot of times it was Comedy Central Roast.
19:09They didn't know who the hell they were roasting.
19:10So, you know.
19:11Right.
19:12He just kind of had carte blanche to go, I, I, I'm not going to see this person again.
19:15I'm just going to eviscerate them.
19:17But the stuff was just genius.
19:18Yeah.
19:19And the thing about him is he was, he's actually like, I mean, he's a Harvard guy.
19:21He's super smart.
19:22Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:23Wicked smart.
19:24He never made me feel dumb as a, as a viewer.
19:26Right.
19:27You know what I mean?
19:28Like he, cause I'm not smart.
19:29I'm with you, man.
19:30I'm with you.
19:31DF student.
19:32That I'm here is insane.
19:34But yeah, you know, so Geraldo, we've, we've lost some really great guys, man.
19:39And it's, it's a bummer.
19:40Geraldo, whatever, whatever he was into at that point, he showed up at the roast as.
19:44Sometimes I, there's a couple of roasts where Geraldo showed up.
19:46You're like, oh, we need to clean you up.
19:49But he was still ridiculously funny.
19:51We had a couple of times he came here.
19:53One time he was not in a good way.
19:55Right.
19:56You remember.
19:57And he left.
19:58Yeah.
19:59He had to leave.
20:00Yeah.
20:01And then he goes, I can't.
20:02I can't.
20:03Yeah.
20:04He turned around and left.
20:05Too bad.
20:06Yeah.
20:07I'm glad.
20:08I'm glad I have that whore gene.
20:09Cause that doesn't matter.
20:10I could, I could be bleeding out and I'd be like, nope, we got a whore some tickets.
20:13So I'm going to ask because I saw this.
20:15I'm sorry, but for all the guys that could, you would have, you have the multitude of stories
20:20they could have sent you in that way.
20:21Yeah.
20:22How do you think you've been able to, uh, to divert from that?
20:26From not being that guy.
20:27Yeah.
20:28Uh, I have a tendency for, with Pinot Noir to go pretty hardcore.
20:31Uh, but I, you know, my dad was such a drinker and it killed him.
20:36He was, I mean, he died at my age.
20:39So, uh, and my mom was mentally ill and got into everything there.
20:42I think there was a, it's weird.
20:43I never, I tell, I talk about this in the, in the show, I've had some suicide in my family
20:47and I never, never once thought, even with my life, thought of suicide.
20:50Never, you know, uh, and, and, and it's because, uh, if you kill yourself, how are you
20:56going to plan your vengeance?
20:58Right?
20:59Yeah.
21:00Like, don't get sad.
21:01That's true.
21:02Get even.
21:03What are you, what are you doing, man?
21:04You've blown an opportunity.
21:05Yeah.
21:06You know what's weird though?
21:07There's a 47,000 people a year, uh, in America, uh, commit suicide.
21:10That's half a stadium.
21:11Yeah.
21:12And people kill themselves cause they feel all alone.
21:13But what those people didn't know is they had 46,999 friends that shared their common interests.
21:17Yeah.
21:18You know, we could stop suicide if we could just get suicidal people to meet.
21:21Yeah.
21:22Right.
21:23Yeah.
21:24I think we need a place where suicidal people could hang out.
21:25Like a theme restaurant.
21:26You know?
21:27Like Sadley's.
21:28Sadley's.
21:29Come on down to Sadley's when you order the I'm a loser burger and ask for cheese.
21:32We refuse to put it on.
21:34Try the appetizers here at Sadley's.
21:36Go for the what's the point shrimp poppers.
21:38By the way, we have plenty of parking here at Sadley's, but we tow everybody.
21:41Do me a favor.
21:42Bring your suicidal depression down to Sadley's.
21:44Meet somebody just as depressed as you.
21:45Become friends and be so happy you make other people want to kill themselves.
21:49Sadly, a great place to hang.
21:52To hang.
21:53Oh dear God.
21:54You guys are like, oh God, we're going to get calls.
21:57No, no, no.
21:58My sister and my mom.
21:59My sister and my mom.
22:00So it's weird.
22:01I talk about it in this show and my sister was a.
22:04Is this in the new?
22:05Yeah, in the new show.
22:06And it's weird because I get to talk about my sister doing it and then I pull off three jokes after it.
22:11That's like a triple back foot for a comedian because the audience is like, oh my God, Jesus Christ.
22:16And but my sister was a poet and stuff.
22:19So I didn't go sappy with it.
22:20So it would have been such an easy bit to go sappy.
22:22Right.
22:23And because to honor her, I didn't because she would have been mad.
22:25She'd have been like, what are you doing?
22:27That's not your job.
22:28Not you have to hurt them.
22:29It's make them laugh.
22:30So besides your gents, have you ever had someone come to you and say, I really would like you to take that out of the act?
22:35I had.
22:36You know, it's weird.
22:37People react.
22:38No, this is the whole thing about this woke thing.
22:41Get commentary.
22:42Everybody's bitching about.
22:43Well, kids say anything.
22:44No, dude, you just can't say it wrong.
22:46Yeah.
22:47You're a moron.
22:48It's still.
22:49It's consequences.
22:50You're saying stuff like Kanye.
22:52Yeah.
22:53Kanye is not not not not speed free speech.
22:55He's out of his mind.
22:56Yeah.
22:57You know, at one point you're just wrong.
22:58And the weird thing is that and here's how I know when comics are wrong.
23:02If the audience got mad, you didn't set it up right.
23:05I've talked about arming the children.
23:07Yeah, I've talked about my my family suicide.
23:10I've talked about I did.
23:11I'm whitey and I apologize.
23:13I you can go anywhere you want to go.
23:15You're just not skilled enough to lead the audience down the right job of a good comedian.
23:20Yes, it's the job.
23:21And I can go through history.
23:22Lenny Bruce, George Carlin.
23:24They made everybody laugh.
23:26It wasn't woke.
23:27Yeah, you're you know, you are.
23:28You're weak.
23:29Get off your ass and start writing better.
23:31There you go.
23:32Wow.
23:33Sorry.
23:34It's all good.
23:35But you're you're spot on.
23:36But it's easy to it's easy to you know, my dad was like, hey, you don't make excuses.
23:40Yeah, do your job.
23:42Yeah.
23:43Now find me a woman.
23:44Go talk to her right now.
23:48My dad thinks you're gorgeous.
23:49Hi.
23:50I'm Ken.
23:51Yeah.
23:52Yeah.
23:53That's exactly it.
23:54All right.
23:55We got a wrap again.
23:56Christopher Titus is going to be at helium tonight and tomorrow.
23:59730 10 p.m.
24:00helium comedy dot com.
24:01And don't forget, there's a Christopher Titus podcast as well.
24:03If you want.
24:04Yeah, man.
24:05And the army getting update, which is is really pissing people off in a good way.
24:08Dude, it is.
24:09It is great to see you.
24:11Thank you guys for having me on.
24:12It's awesome.
24:13Christopher Titus.
24:14We're going to take a break.
24:16Stay with us.
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