- 4/21/2025
Murphy Brown Season 5 Episode 13 Games Mother Play
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00...mantled police, which had once been headed by, hey, legislative leader, Ruslan Kazbowatov.
00:08A demonstration of strength that was clearly designed to...
00:12Hey, hey, hey, hey, look what we just did to Mr. Kazbowatov.
00:17As if he wasn't having a tough enough time already.
00:20Now, where were we?
00:21And a demonstration of strength clearly designed to force the opposition...
00:26Whoa, I cannot believe what I'm witnessing.
00:28You know, I come in here late, every single Thursday, so you and Avery can spend some quality playtime together.
00:37Instead, I find him a high-chair hostage involved in a brutal game of Baby Meet the Press.
00:43I'm not simply reading him the newspaper, I'm... I'm using it as a bib.
00:51A biodegradable bib, I might add.
00:53You see, a traditional bib would have to be laundered, wasting precious water, and sending detergents into our streams and lakes.
01:01So, I am actually giving Avery a valuable lesson on preserving our diminishing natural resources.
01:09What a crock.
01:10You know, I only wish some of that oatmeal would have found its way into Avery's ears so he wouldn't have to listen to this, as I must.
01:18Reading the paper does not qualify as playtime.
01:23Your primary objective here should be to engage the child's imagination.
01:29Observe.
01:29You know, whatever you think you might have learned in college, you wasted your money.
01:57I mean, is the stark imagery lost on you?
02:01The rain, the sun, simple, yet in its own way, as powerful as Van Gogh's Starry Night.
02:08It's a bug.
02:11Well, then, pray tell, why does little lady love that rhyme, as do all his little friends?
02:16What little friends?
02:18Well, we've been meeting in the park with some of the other mothers and tykes from the neighborhood,
02:23and we share experiences, we share techniques.
02:26Now, you might want to consider coming down and meeting some of them, just to give a few pointers.
02:32About what?
02:33I don't need help learning how to relate to my kid.
02:36We're doing just fine.
02:37Are we, Avery?
02:39Now, if you'll excuse us, it's time for another one of our favorite games.
02:44Feed Mr. Fax Machine.
02:46Hey, Murph, I want to ask you something before the pitch.
02:54Frank, you are not going to believe what I've got in my hands.
02:57This is some of the most shocking, disturbing stuff I've ever seen.
03:01Really?
03:01What is it?
03:03Mother Goose.
03:04Have you ever read this study?
03:06It's disgusting.
03:07And these guys, Grimm's Fairytale, Hans Christian Andersen, what a twisted bunch of sickos.
03:16You just listen to this.
03:19There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
03:22She lived in a shoe, Frank.
03:24She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
03:27So she gave them some broth without any bread.
03:32Then she whips them all soundly and puts them to bed.
03:36Ha!
03:37Great role model, huh?
03:39Look, there's Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater.
03:40Murph, Murph.
03:41These are classic children's stories.
03:44Kids have been enjoying them for generations.
03:46Oh, what are you saying, Frank?
03:48That if I don't read them to Avery, I'm a miserable failure as a mother?
03:51Is that what you're saying?
03:52What are you talking about?
03:53Nobody's accusing you of being a lousy mother.
03:54Elder Nez, he says I don't know how to play with Avery.
03:57Like Peek-A-Boo is so much better than a few rounds of Find the Iran Contra Defendant.
04:02I'm telling you, Frank, Avery loves that game.
04:05He gets an angry look on his face and points to Ollie North every time.
04:11You know, maybe Elton has a point.
04:12The way parents deal with play can send a kid the wrong messages.
04:16Believe me, I know.
04:16It's one of the reasons I've been in therapy for 15 years.
04:19Oh, please, Frank.
04:20Are you saying you've been in therapy for 15 years
04:23because your parents didn't play this little piggy with you?
04:25Hey, you try growing up with parents who run a restaurant.
04:28I was nine before I realized refill the Kotex machine wasn't something other kids play.
04:33That's very interesting, Frank.
04:34But I'm sure there are plenty of people who didn't spend their childhood
04:37skipping through fields of flowers with Mommy and Daddy and still turned out just fine.
04:42Yeah, you're named one in this office.
04:44Hi, guys.
04:44Look at Miles.
04:47I will bet you 20 bucks his parents didn't have enough time to play with him as a kid,
04:50and that's why he's like he is today.
04:52Like what?
04:52What am I like?
04:53Oh, please, Frank.
04:54Just because Miles is neurotic doesn't mean he didn't have enough playtime with his parents.
04:58Hey, hey, hey.
04:59I am not neurotic.
05:01Of course you are, Miles.
05:02That's not the issue.
05:03The issue is why.
05:04My guess is it's because he's short.
05:05Hey, hey, hey.
05:07I am not short.
05:09I'm compet.
05:11Whoa.
05:12Miles, playtime with your parents, yes or no?
05:16Well, they did spend a lot of time at peace rallies and protests.
05:20What did I tell you?
05:20No quality playtime, and what's the result?
05:23A workaholic newsman with a spastic colon, a height complex, and a fear of death.
05:27Wait a minute.
05:28You can't blame that all on my parents.
05:30Exactly my point.
05:31The fear of death came from my grandparents.
05:33They used to babysit a lot, and, well, let me just say,
05:36I don't think it's right for a six-year-old to have to brush someone else's teeth,
05:39especially when those teeth are not in the mouth at the time.
05:44Over the love of mine, I can't believe you people are going to jump on this
05:47pop-sike, mumbo-jumbo, quality-time bandwagon.
05:50I can assure you none of that happened in the Dial family home when I was growing up.
05:55You hear that, Frank?
05:56No traditional games, still a happy guy.
05:59Well, uh, no offense, but happy isn't the first word that pops into my head to describe Jim.
06:03I'm happy.
06:04Quiet, Miles.
06:05We're past you.
06:06What are you saying, Frank?
06:07I'm saying is that who we are now has a lot to do with our early experiences,
06:12and maybe you're, well, lacking something because you didn't have enough interactive playtime with your parents.
06:20Lacking something?
06:21You know, a certain kind of flexibility and ease.
06:25Don't you think that you tend to be a little rigid?
06:30Rigid?
06:30Oh, me?
06:32Rigid?
06:33That's absurd.
06:33I'm not rigid, Frank.
06:35Yeah, right, and I'm not short.
06:37Please, Frank, it's because the man likes things in their proper place.
06:40Oh, come on.
06:41He's the most anal retentive person I've ever met.
06:43I have just about enough of your filthy mouth, Frank.
06:45Your mother should have washed it out with soap.
06:47Okay, you're not rigid.
06:50I defy you not to stir your coffee like you always do.
06:53What are you talking about?
06:56Three stirs and two taps.
06:59For 15 years, I've been watching you, and for 15 years, it's always stir, stir, stir, tap, tap.
07:06You've been counting his stirs and taps for 15 years, and you're accusing him of compulsive behavior?
07:10Hey, there's the spoon.
07:12Let's see the man lose a tap.
07:14Go on, Jim.
07:15Stir, stir, stir, tap.
07:17I dare you.
07:20Oh, for heaven's sake, Frank, you're being ridiculous.
07:22You can't do it.
07:24You can't do it.
07:24Jim's more than right than I am.
07:26No more dreams, shardy.
07:28I most certainly can do it, and I'll prove it to you right now.
07:38Good morning, everyone.
07:40He did it.
07:41He did it.
07:41I saw you.
07:42He did, Jim.
07:43I saw you.
07:44Why, you stupid...
07:44Stop it.
07:46Corky, this is important.
07:48Did you have a lot of traditional playtime with your parents when you were a kid?
07:53Not really.
07:54You see, Corky didn't have any more playtime than the rest of us, and she's so happy when
07:57she first got here, we thought she'd been kicked in the head.
08:02I've always been happy.
08:04That's the way we were brought up.
08:05We had to be happy.
08:07What do you mean you had to be happy?
08:09Daddy kept a suitcase packed in the front hall closet, and Mama always said if we weren't
08:14happy, he might use it.
08:17Okay, this conversation's over.
08:19I don't remember any fun and games with my parents, and I think I turned out pretty damn
08:24good.
08:25Yeah, right.
08:25I didn't say perfect.
08:28Okay, maybe I wasn't able to have a meaningful conversation with either of my parents until
08:33I was in my 40s, and...
08:35Okay.
08:36I'm not great at relationships.
08:38I was married once.
08:39That lasted five days.
08:40I'm a recovering alcoholic.
08:44Oh, God.
08:49Okay, Avery, your mom is about to open her house to a bunch of total strangers so we can
08:54learn what this quality playtime is all about.
08:56I hope you'll remember this in a few years when your greedy little wife tries to talk
09:00you into putting me in a home.
09:04What the heck is all this food doing here?
09:06Who's in this mother's group?
09:08Raymond Burr?
09:08You said it was five people, five, and no more.
09:13You know, actually, it's going to be four due to the unfortunate Shirley Caducan incident.
09:17Now, I don't want to get into all the ugly little details, but let's just say that the
09:22woman always left with more toys than she came with.
09:25The woman stole toys?
09:27Nothing that we can prove, but last Tuesday, she was seen leaving the playground with what
09:32appeared to be someone else's big bird stuffed in her daughter's snow pants.
09:36Now, we called the next day and told her we were disbanding until Easter.
09:40Now, if you get that, I still have time to prepare my melon balls.
09:44Oh, you forget your melon balls.
09:46I want to get these women in.
09:47I want to learn how to play, and I want to get them out.
09:49In, play, out.
09:52Hi.
09:53How nice of you to come.
09:54Hi.
09:55Hello.
09:55Oh, look.
09:56How are you?
09:56Ellen.
09:57Hi.
09:58How are you doing?
09:59Hello, caregivers.
10:01How are you?
10:03This is Susan and Fast Willie.
10:05And, and Sidney, and the mighty Allie.
10:09Hi.
10:10Murphy Brown.
10:12Uh-huh.
10:12I know.
10:14Let's go.
10:15Oh, Eldon, you have got to check out this backpack.
10:19It is so comfortable.
10:20I hardly even wait here.
10:21And I'm great.
10:21Go ahead.
10:22Tell them how much you pay for it.
10:23Okay.
10:24$29.95.
10:26I'll get it.
10:27You keep chatting.
10:31Hi.
10:31I'm Murphy.
10:32Hi.
10:33I'm Jane, and this is Samantha.
10:36Hi.
10:37Oh, hi, Jane.
10:38How are you?
10:40There's no child gate on the stairs.
10:43Isn't that a little dangerous?
10:45Well, of course, there's no gate.
10:47Avery's not crawling yet.
10:49And neither is Samantha.
10:50Stop worrying.
10:51Well, I'd hate to see a lovely afternoon end in tragedy.
10:56Did you get your hair, bro?
10:58Oh, it looks horrible.
10:59Oh, it looks horrible.
10:59Oh, really?
11:01Hi.
11:02Hi.
11:02They're in there.
11:03Oh, I see them every week, but I haven't seen you, and my gosh, I can't remember the last
11:09time.
11:10When was it?
11:10I'm sorry.
11:11Do we know each other?
11:13I'm Eileen, your next door neighbor.
11:16Old man Swenson has a wife and baby?
11:19No, I'm on the other side.
11:21You remember me.
11:22You ran over my trash cans.
11:24Oh, right.
11:26You know, you really should consider plastic.
11:28They're more durable, and they cause much less damage to the car.
11:31So, are you fairly new to the neighborhood?
11:35We've lived here for eight years.
11:38Where does time go?
11:40So, why don't we go in and join the others?
11:42Eileen, the lovely Taylor, I hope you have a wonderful day.
11:46Oh, yeah.
11:47You bet.
11:49Wait a minute.
11:50Where are you going?
11:51Out.
11:51This is your party, remember?
11:53I'll go in and interact with the other mothers.
11:54You can't leave.
11:55I don't know these women.
11:56What do I have in common with them?
11:58Well, you have a baby and a definite lack of facial hair.
12:01I'll put you two up on me.
12:03Have a nice day.
12:08Oh, Susan, that is the cutest outfit.
12:12Is it flame retardant?
12:14It's in this fantastic catalog that Sidney gave me.
12:18I'll bring it next time.
12:19The prices are great.
12:21And for the amount of money we all spend on clothes on these kids, you know, that is pretty important.
12:30And on the other hand, there is a lot to be said for Murphy's approach.
12:34I mean, why spend a lot of money when the kid's just going to grow right out of it, right?
12:38This is 100% cotton.
12:40Yep.
12:41It's Pima cotton.
12:43The cotton of kings.
12:44Oh, that is very nice.
12:46Wow.
12:47Oh, my God.
12:48Look at the hat.
12:49Well, he starts standing.
12:52The day before yesterday, John and I walked into the nursery, and there he was, standing up, waiting for us.
12:59I'm telling you, this kid constantly amazes us.
13:02Us, too.
13:04He's the first one to clap, the first one to wave.
13:07They all clap.
13:09All but Samantha and Avery.
13:12Do you think I should have her checked?
13:14No, James.
13:15You know, babies go at their own pace.
13:17Well, I mean, look at Avery.
13:20Sully doesn't clap, he doesn't wave, and he still can't sit up without falling over.
13:25But I'm sure that Murphy's not losing any sleep over it.
13:28Well, I wouldn't exactly call it falling over.
13:31I like to think of it as changing position very quickly.
13:36With our verbal skills, does he make any complex sounds yet?
13:40Oh, yeah.
13:41The other night, he picked up the phone and ordered a pizza.
13:43So, I hope we'll get to play some games here.
13:46Well, it's not until we get a new diaper.
13:48Do you have somewhere I could change her?
13:50Yeah.
13:50There's a changing table in the bathroom right through there.
13:53Yeah.
13:53Yeah.
13:53Look.
13:54Look about that.
13:56That was a show.
13:57You look like you're playing again.
13:59Come on.
13:59Let's go.
14:00What is that?
14:01I'm kidding.
14:02You're going to play.
14:03Yeah.
14:04Here we go.
14:06Look at that.
14:07Look at that.
14:08Look at that.
14:08Look at that.
14:09Look at that.
14:12Avery just smiled.
14:14My little, uh, Taylor.
14:17Her name is Taylor.
14:19She lives next door with me.
14:21Eileen.
14:27You know, there's nothing Avery and I enjoy so much as a good old-fashioned round of traditional games.
14:33Who wants to start?
14:35Why don't you, Murphy?
14:37Me?
14:38Oh, I couldn't.
14:40That would be too selfish.
14:41And, well, that's just not the way I was raised.
14:43Please, one of you pick.
14:45Well, why don't we sing the wheels on the bus?
14:47Really loves that.
14:48Oh, exactly.
14:49That's one of our all-time favorites.
14:52Oh, let's get on board that bus and get rolling.
14:56Yay.
14:56Okay.
14:57You ready?
14:59Duh.
15:01Wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round.
15:06The wheels on the bus go round and round, all over town.
15:10I leave the wheels on the bus go swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish.
15:16The wheels on the bus go swish, swish, swish, swish, all over town.
15:20Murphy.
15:21Huh?
15:21Murphy.
15:24Did everyone see the lovely buffet I prepared?
15:27She doesn't know the song.
15:29Of course I do.
15:30I just hate to see good food go to waste.
15:33Well, if you know the song, then why don't you sing the next verse?
15:37Go ahead.
15:38Sing it.
15:41I refuse to be cross-examined in my own house.
15:45She doesn't know it.
15:47You bet I do.
15:49The bus ran over the next door neighbor and swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish.
16:01Everybody, you'll never believe it.
16:04She climbed.
16:06Samantha climbed.
16:08That's where you must be so proud of her.
16:13Isn't it funny how it happened when you were out of the room and none of us could see?
16:19Yeah, but I saw her.
16:23Well, yeah.
16:24Since I don't have any hidden cameras in the bathroom, we'll just have to trust you.
16:29Which means that now my baby is the only one who doesn't know how to clap.
16:33How convenient for me.
16:37Murphy, I understand where you're coming from.
16:40All mothers want their children to do the things that the other kids do.
16:44Avery's going to catch up with everybody in time.
16:47Don't worry.
16:48Worry?
16:49I'm not worried.
16:50Why would I be worried?
16:52We're just talking about clapping.
16:54After all, it's not a competition.
16:57Although I might point out that when it comes push to shove, Avery could wipe the floor with that little Samantha.
17:03Come on, let's go!
17:04And if you don't have a time to think about what makes a flower grow, and I've never given a second thought.
17:19Whenever, whenever you go, thinking about whatever, yes, and I ain't got time to lick the floor.
17:30yes now i've seen clapping in my time and that is clapping you're a genius just in time let's
17:40get those no talent kids in here hi come on in so everybody ready for some baby tricks i mean
17:55fun educational baby games with clapping and such where's eileen and her little crapper oh um she has
18:03a cold that cold maybe the flu she does you don't think she had it last week do you no chain oh well
18:14too bad oh that must be susan fuck willie's wearing his sailor outfit it'll go so well with avery's new
18:21outfit it's italian armani for kids
18:26hi come on in
18:32wow that's quite a sailor suit he's an admiral
18:41see willie's been drummed out of the service mixed up in that tail hook scandal no doubt
18:49so everybody's here let the games begin why don't we start with uh oh something with clapping
19:04your kids can clap and avery will just watch
19:08i can't forget i found a place that sells formula by the bulk 33.95 a case that i bought some extra
19:16if you want them they're in the car great can i help you excuse me maybe i didn't make myself clear
19:22we're not chatting we're not shopping we're clapping
19:26why okay but you're gonna make me ruin the surprise
19:36go ahead avery clap
19:43you can do this whenever you're ready avery come on
19:56come on i'm telling you he can do this
20:13did you see that just had a clapping impulse but he stopped himself
20:18oh oh we're really getting close it won't be long now i can feel it
20:23oh look he just clapped
20:24oh so he did
20:25he did not you don't need your charity and stop distracting him
20:31come on avery clap
20:34uh you know murphy i think alec may be coming down with something he's a little warm
20:38you know now that you mention it city willie seems to be getting a little cranky too maybe
20:43we should call it a day what do you think jane oh it doesn't matter anymore they're probably all
20:49infected
20:51jane we're going
20:56okay clap and walk helps and clap helps and clap
21:03well how about next saturday clap clap same time talking with me
21:07actually murphy because of the weather being so cold right now we've been thinking about
21:14disbanding the group for a while until after easter easter
21:23we'll call you
21:29eldon so long eldon uh we were just meeting you see you soon
21:37oh hello there captain permission to come aboard
21:45why the big rush to abandon shift oh well we were just talking and
21:51you know how hectic life gets at the beginning of the year so we decided it might be good to take
21:55a break and not have a play group for a while uh-huh until when easter
22:01the old surely could do can kiss off huh oh come on eldon don't be ridiculous it's not the same
22:09thing at all it's not like they caught me stealing
22:14it was worse you should have seen me i got so competitive and the worst part is i dragged avery into
22:23it you're right eldon i don't spend enough time with him and the time i do spend i do all the wrong
22:30things i don't know how to relate to him well one thing you could try doing is taking him out of that
22:37outfit he looks like a roadie for the captain and teneal but i think that the main thing here is to try
22:45communicating on his level and study your own now you can do this and i want you to try okay
22:58all right um there was this um pretty small spider drowning in a gutter
23:08it was raining pretty hard and there's a finger thing too
23:14you know it's real hard to believe that you were meant to reproduce at all
23:21can you give me a break eldon i don't have the natural instinct for this that you do
23:27okay i know one
23:28the wheels on the bus go round and round round and round round and i'm sorry it's still a stupid
23:45song how about we compromise a little bit
23:48the watergate burglars came to town
23:57the watergate burglars came to
24:04you like this huh okay
24:08the security guard found an unlocked door unlocked door unlocked door and called in the police
24:18up next jackie acts so immature she's like a child oh how am i acting like a child well you're i
24:32mean i mean you're just oh she can blame it but she can't name it nice comeback really mature stay
24:40tuned for roseanne next on nick at night
Recommended
24:43
|
Up next
24:48
24:42
24:50
24:46
24:42
24:25