Murphy Brown Season 8 Episode 1 Altered States
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00:00I can't stand like a kid behind a wheel
00:03You've been reckless with my heart
00:05If I stay around, you'll surely tear it all apart
00:10Say the road's got to end somewhere
00:13Oh, every road has got to end somewhere
00:18Now is the time for the showdown
00:22So let me give you the lowdown
00:24We've come to the end of our road
00:30Oh, jeez, more presents?
00:33You know, it's not fair that married people get all this stuff
00:36Single people need things, too
00:38I've been using the same free towel since college
00:41Oh, Frank
00:43There's, uh, there's something I've got to tell you
00:47Sure, what's up?
00:49Well, I guess there's no easy way to say this
00:52You know, the other night after the bachelor party
00:55Peter and I decided not to get married
00:59Oh, really?
01:01Jeez, I'm sorry, Murph
01:04I don't know what to say
01:05That's really, uh, uh
01:08Surprising?
01:11Inconceivable?
01:14Incomprehensible?
01:15Out of the blue?
01:16Yeah, that's the one
01:16Where are you all?
01:19Oh, uh, Jim
01:20Listen, I've got some pretty shocking news for you
01:24And I'd rather you hear it from the horse's mouth
01:26Certainly, Slugger
01:27What's going on?
01:29Peter and I have decided to call off the wedding
01:32It's, uh, it's a done deal
01:39Psst, not gonna happen
01:41Oh, oh, I see
01:44That, that, that is shocking
01:46I, I thought for a moment that you
01:47You'd said something entirely different
01:50Something not shocking in the least
01:51But you and Peter are not getting married
01:53That, that is completely different
01:55Hey, everybody
01:58Hi, guys
01:59Morning
01:59Well
02:00We have got a pretty surprising announcement to make
02:06Save your breath
02:07You've got a bigger reaction from an oil painting of Al Gore
02:10What is it?
02:12What's the big announcement?
02:14You tell
02:15No, you tell
02:16No, you tell
02:17Let's both tell
02:18Okay
02:18Ready?
02:20One
02:20Two
02:21Three
02:22We're married
02:24We're married
02:24We're married
02:26We're married
02:29We're married
02:30We're married
02:35We're married
02:36I, I don't get it
02:39So you guys, Friday night at Peter's bachelor party
02:42When did you have time to get married?
02:43It was the most incredible
02:44Oh, go ahead
02:45No, you go ahead
02:46I was just so romantic
02:50When Miles took my hand
02:51And we ran out of the club together that night
02:53It was like
02:53I could hear all the pieces of my life
02:56Just clicking into place
02:58And I was hearing the exact same noise
03:01Only mine was more of a whir
03:02It was like
03:03Anyway
03:05Anyway, all my life
03:07I've done the expected thing
03:09Always tip 15%
03:10Never topped off my tank
03:12Always waited an hour after eating
03:13Before going into the water
03:14Well, this time
03:15I didn't wait
03:15I ate a big sloppy sandwich
03:16And did a cannonball
03:17Right into the deep end
03:18Guess what?
03:18No cramps
03:19And I was sick of always listening to that voice that said, stop
03:23I wanted to listen to the one that said, go
03:25Go, go, go
03:26So he kept on going
03:28To the airport
03:29To the Cayman Islands
03:30To the beach
03:31To a lua
03:32To a gastroenterologist
03:33To a justice of the peace
03:34Back to the airport
03:35Right back here
03:36Talking about your world
03:38Do we make a great team or what?
03:47All that is sweet, kind, and gentle about her
03:50All that's crazy, wild, untamed about me
03:53People should bottle us
03:54Oh, if they did
03:55I'd spritz some on me right now
03:57Congratulations
04:00Thanks
04:01So, come on, come on
04:04Out with it
04:05How long before the betting pool starts?
04:07Betting pool?
04:07Oh, if anyone else had done this
04:10We'd be betting on
04:11How long before the big breakup?
04:12Come on
04:13Miss Hayseed and Mr. Predictable
04:15Rush out and get hitched
04:16I mean, how long is that?
04:18Oh, right, okay
04:18The betting pool
04:19Hey, everybody
04:20I got 20 bucks
04:21Says they don't make it two months
04:23Two months, right?
04:24Give them two weeks
04:25Two weeks?
04:26Ha, try two days
04:27Oh, come on, come on
04:29Let's go tell business affairs
04:31I want to see their faces
04:32When they hear this individual tax filer
04:35Will be filling out a joint return next year
04:38They're gonna think we're nuts
04:40We're nuts?
04:41Why are you guys?
04:44I got two months
04:45Two weeks
04:45Two days
04:46Will someone tell me what the hell they were thinking?
04:49They're not ready for marriage
04:50Of course not
04:51They jumped into this way, way too fast
04:54How many doors are my court in four years?
04:56Four years of getting to know her
04:57Four years of her getting to know me
04:59Four years of convincing her father
05:01That just because a man owns a set of bongos
05:03Doesn't make him a beatnik
05:04Don't get me wrong
05:05It's not that I'm against Miles and Corky getting married
05:08It's just that
05:09If this works out
05:10I'm going to have to rethink other things
05:12Like
05:12John Tesh albums
05:14Naval piercing
05:15For every parent who's ever had some
05:20Oh, hi
05:22I'm Murphy Brown
05:22You must be my new secretary
05:24Oh, Murphy Hall
05:26John, hi
05:34I guess the whole lawyer thing didn't work out
05:38That's a tough break
05:43Could you file this for me?
05:45Actually, Murphy
05:46I was just writing you a note
05:47I came over to bring you this wedding present
05:50But they told me that the whole thing had been called off
05:52So
05:53This is how rumors get started
05:56A present for me
06:01You Kennedys are so thoughtful and generous
06:04I wonder what it is
06:07I don't think you're really going to like it
06:10What the hell is this?
06:18It's a copy of George
06:21It's the new political magazine I'm editing
06:23I had the guys in the art department mock up a cover with you on it
06:27It's pretty great, huh?
06:38That's it?
06:39No, no
06:40There's a one-year free subscription with a card
06:43Gee, I hope you didn't have to sell the compound
06:47Okay, fine
06:51If that's your attitude
06:52But don't come crying to me
06:53When you have to pay full newsstand price
06:56Listen up, everybody
07:06Listen up
07:08Corky and I were just talking
07:10And we would like to share our joy with all of you
07:14So, after work
07:16Down at Phil's
07:18You're all invited to a little celebration
07:19Our treat
07:20Oh, my
07:21Oh, well
07:24Before I forget
07:25Doris and I would like to get you a little gift
07:27You have to get them a gift?
07:36It's just a little
07:37A little something, really
07:38But we'll need to know where to send it
07:40Send it to my place
07:41Oh, honey
07:43I just thought they should send it to my apartment
07:45Since I assume that's where we'll be, you know
07:46Living
07:47Really?
07:48I thought we might be living in my condo
07:50Wait a minute
07:51You two are married
07:52You don't even know where you're gonna live yet?
07:54Well, no
07:54There really hasn't been time
07:56Buddy, there's time
07:57Yeah
07:58Oh, but Han
07:59My place has a rec room
08:00With a ping pong table
08:01And a fresco machine
08:03True
08:04Well, mine has plantation shutters
08:06Oh, yeah
08:07This is gonna last
08:08Um, Murphy
08:15What did you mean by that?
08:18You mean by what?
08:19What did you mean by
08:20Oh, yeah
08:20This is gonna last
08:22Oh, what did I mean by that?
08:25Well, you know
08:29That was a joke
08:29A joke?
08:32Yeah, it was a joke
08:33It was a joke
08:33I was joking, you know
08:35Remember how we were joking out there?
08:37We were joking
08:37And Frank said
08:38Hey, I give this twice
08:40And then Jim said
08:40Too much
08:41Well, I give it two weeks
08:42And then I said
08:42Two weeks
08:43Try two days
08:44And then everybody laughed
08:45Because, you know
08:46I told a joke really well
08:47Why don't you tell us
08:49What you're really saying?
08:50That you think Miles and I
08:51Were stupid to get married?
08:53Yeah
08:53We're stupid
08:54Okay
08:57Okay, fine
08:58You wanna know
08:59What I really said?
09:01Okay
09:02What I really said was
09:05Oh, God
09:09I get it now
09:10This is all a sin
09:13I mean, you're right
09:13You're getting married
09:15I can't believe
09:16I fell for that
09:17I mean, that whole
09:18Pathetic trip
09:20That came in islands
09:21And then that whole lane
09:23No, you tell me
09:24You tell me
09:24You tell me
09:25That cheesy engagement ring
09:27Courtney's wearing
09:28Oh, my God
09:30All right
09:34I'm not the only one
09:35Who thinks this was stupid, okay?
09:36Frank, Jim, get in here
09:38Come on
09:39Move it
09:40All right
09:41Cat's out of the bag
09:42They know we think
09:44They're getting married
09:45Was stupid
09:45So just tell them
09:46What we said out there before
09:48And then we can all
09:48Get on with our lives
09:49I have no idea
09:52What you're talking about
09:53Yes, I resent the implication
09:54Well, best of luck
09:55You know, Murphy
09:59We heard about you and Peter
10:01And we're sorry
10:02But just because
10:03Your marriage didn't happen
10:04Doesn't mean you have to
10:05Rain on our parade
10:06Yeah, our parade
10:07Come on, Mrs. Silverberg
10:09With pleasure, Mrs. Silverberg
10:11Oh, don't call me, Dad
10:13Call you what?
10:14Mrs. Silverberg
10:15I'm not sure I'm taking your name
10:16You're not
10:17You took Will's name
10:18And Sherwood Silverberg
10:19Is a heck of a lot better
10:20Than Sherwood Forrest
10:21Okay, I don't have a lot of time
10:25Why don't you two
10:26Start beating each other up
10:27And then I'll finish off
10:28Whoever's left standing
10:29Oh, come on
10:30If anyone has a right
10:31To be angry at someone
10:32It's us
10:32Oh, please
10:33Not since Rolf blew that whistle
10:35In The Sound of Music
10:36Have I witnessed
10:37Such a betrayal
10:38Okay, what were we supposed to do?
10:40We have to work with those two
10:42Indy, telling them
10:43The Pope's little beanie
10:44Is unfrookened
10:44Is one thing
10:45But telling Miles and Corky
10:47That they shouldn't
10:47Have gotten married
10:48That's just not kosher
10:49You've heard me
10:51Well, I'm glad it's out
10:55At least I spoke my mind
10:57I don't know how you two
10:58Can live with yourself
10:59Oh, come on, look
11:00It's not like
11:01I don't agree with you
11:02It was crazy
11:03Idiotic
11:03Foolish
11:04Ladies and gentlemen
11:05The bride and groom
11:06So, you decided
11:11How did they come after all?
11:12Oh, yeah
11:12I'm kind of surprised
11:13To see you here
11:14Well, I thought about
11:15What you guys said
11:16And I realized
11:17You had a point
11:18So, I'm here
11:19I'm ready to put on a smile
11:20And shower my co-workers
11:21With love and affection
11:22Hey, that's the spirit
11:24But what you got there?
11:25Oh, that's your doorknob
11:27I just trashed
11:27Both your offices
11:28Hey there, Murphy
11:33Hey, Phil
11:33So, word has it
11:36You don't approve
11:37Of the happy couple
11:38Do you have any idea
11:41How many bad marriages
11:42Old Phil could have
11:44Stuck his nose into
11:45Over the years?
11:47John and Martha Mitchell
11:48Senator Rita Jenrette
11:51John Warner and Liz Taylor
11:53But I didn't
11:55And why didn't I?
11:57I don't know, Phil
11:58Why?
11:59No, I'm asking you
12:00Why didn't I?
12:03Just think of all the years
12:05Of pain and misery
12:06I could have spared
12:07Those port-a-lui coins
12:09People wonder
12:10Why I don't sleep
12:11At night
12:12Oh
12:14By the way
12:15There's someone
12:16In the storeroom
12:17I think you should
12:18Talk to
12:18Oh, no, Phil
12:20The last time
12:21You wanted me
12:21To talk to someone
12:22In the storeroom
12:23I ended up getting
12:23Cold-cocked
12:24By Gene Kirkpatrick
12:25Hey, that's as surprised
12:27As you were
12:28Who knew the woman
12:29Could hoist the keg
12:30Over her head like that
12:31Hello, Gene
12:38Oh, Murphy
12:41Hi
12:42Hello, Murphy
12:44Surprised to see you here
12:46Given how stupid
12:48Do you think
12:48My marriage is tomorrow
12:49Look, Ricky
12:53I know you're mad at me
12:55And, um
12:56I don't blame you
12:57That's it
12:59That's the big apology
13:01I get
13:01After you ridiculed
13:03The most important
13:04Decision of my life
13:05The one that finally
13:06Makes me feel whole
13:08As a woman
13:08Hi
13:12I was out of line before
13:15What you and Miles
13:17Do is your own business
13:18I shouldn't have said
13:19What I said
13:19I'm sorry
13:20But you said it, Murphy
13:22You said our marriage
13:24Wasn't going to last
13:25I did
13:26You said Miles and I
13:27Were stupid
13:28I did
13:29You said that
13:31We got married
13:32Without really knowing
13:33Each other
13:34No, I didn't say that
13:35Well, I didn't say it
13:36To your face
13:36You said what?
13:38There are a lot of things
13:40I don't know about Miles
13:41I don't know where
13:42He likes to sit
13:42In a movie theater
13:43I don't know if he likes
13:45His socks
13:45Bald or folded
13:47I don't know what
13:49He's like in bed
13:50Because we haven't
13:50Had sex yet
13:51But who cares?
13:52I don't care
13:53Because no matter what
13:54You or anyone else
13:55Says the only thing
13:57That matters is
13:58I did a rash
14:01Stupid thing
14:02That I'm going to
14:03Regret for the rest
14:04Of my life
14:04Oh, God
14:05Oh, God
14:07What am I going to do?
14:09Wow
14:10You guys haven't
14:12Had sex yet?
14:16Jeez
14:16This thing is weirder
14:17Than I thought
14:18You're right, Murphy
14:21I was so stupid
14:22Stupid
14:23Stupid
14:24Stupid
14:24Stupid
14:25Stupid
14:25Stupid
14:25I've got to figure
14:29A way out of this
14:30I know
14:32I know
14:33I know
14:34I know
14:34Um
14:35I could pretend
14:37I had walking
14:39Amnesia
14:39Now, I don't really
14:41Know what that is
14:41But Jerry Springer
14:42Did a show on it
14:43Last week
14:43And I really think
14:44I could fake it
14:45If I had to
14:45What do you think
14:46Um
14:47I don't think
14:48You should be asking me
14:49I think you should be
14:50Asking your husband
14:51Ow, Murphy
14:54You're hurting me
14:56Corky
14:58Where have you been?
15:01I've been looking
15:01All over for you
15:03Are you okay?
15:04What did you do?
15:07What, Miles?
15:09What
15:10What is it then, honey?
15:15Is it
15:16Is it the crowd?
15:19Is it the noise?
15:21Is it the heat?
15:24Is it the fact
15:24That we rushed into
15:25The biggest decision
15:26Of our lives
15:26And made a horrible
15:27Horrible mistake
15:28And there's a room
15:28Full of our closest
15:29Friends and co-workers
15:29Out there waiting
15:30To toast us
15:30And we don't have
15:31A single idea
15:31In the world
15:32Why we did
15:32What we did
15:32And what we're
15:33Going to do about it
15:33Why were you speaking?
15:38How did we stay married
15:39When we both
15:40Feel this way?
15:41This was stupid
15:42Stupid, stupid, stupid
15:44Oh, Murphy
15:47Oh, God
15:50Oh, jeez
15:51There you are, Mercury
15:55What on earth
15:56Is going on?
15:57Yeah, we see you
15:57Drag miles into
15:58This storeroom
15:59Is Corky in there with him?
16:00Yeah
16:00There
16:00You know, it's really
16:03Not my place to sit
16:04You know, it's really
16:05All I'll say is
16:07They're talking something
16:09Over something, by the way
16:10That will make me look
16:11Very, very good
16:12And you look
16:13Very, very bad
16:14Well, divorce
16:21It all seems so quick
16:25I never thought I'd be divorced twice
16:28The only person I ever knew
16:30Who was divorced twice
16:31Was Vera Williams
16:32They used to follow her around town
16:35Call her slut
16:37And throw rocks at her windows
16:39Probably wasn't the best way
16:42For my church youth group
16:43To spend it Saturdays
16:44But
16:44I did keep them off drugs
16:48Well
16:51There is a bright side
16:54To all this
16:55Only being married
16:56For three days
16:57Means we don't have
16:58A lot of
16:58Community property
16:59To divide up
17:00Tell you what
17:02You know that
17:04Cayman Islands
17:05Is for lovers
17:05T-shirt
17:06We bought
17:06In the duty-free shop
17:07You can have it
17:09Well
17:12I just want to say
17:16It was fun while it lasted
17:18It sure was
17:21I can't remember
17:23A better weekend
17:24Well
17:25I was just going to say
17:27That
17:28I don't know
17:30Maybe our problem
17:32Wasn't so much
17:34Being married
17:35As how
17:36Fast we got married
17:37Yes
17:38Exactly
17:39I mean
17:40Okay
17:42Maybe we rushed into this
17:44But maybe what we rushed into
17:47Was right
17:48Uh-huh
17:49And
17:49If we just
17:51Went back
17:52And
17:53Took things slower
17:54Maybe everything would work out
17:56So maybe we can stay married
17:59But just
18:00Date for a while
18:01You know
18:04Until we know
18:05If everything's right
18:06I think I like that plan
18:08Me too
18:08We could start off slow
18:10Like
18:11Going to the movies
18:12On the weekends
18:13And then if that works out
18:14We can go to the next
18:15Logical step
18:16Legit theater?
18:18Well
18:18I was thinking more like
18:20A midweek dinner
18:21Okay
18:22Okay
18:22But
18:23If
18:24If things
18:25Progress
18:25And
18:26It feels right
18:28We
18:28May want to take things
18:30To the next level
18:31And
18:31And move in together
18:32Absolutely
18:33Which
18:36Brings us to the whole
18:38Question of
18:40Sleeping together
18:42We're
18:52Married
18:54So
18:54Guess that wouldn't be a sin
18:57That's right
19:00Just feel that way
19:04It's just better
19:16If it comes from there
19:17Oh
19:17Wait a second
19:20I know what it is
19:21Corky and Miles are leaving
19:22FYI aren't they?
19:24No
19:24I know
19:26One of them's sick
19:27Now
19:28You guys are way off
19:30I'll bet Corky's pregnant
19:31Trust me
19:33Corky's definitely not pregnant
19:35Oh
19:36Then what is it?
19:37Yeah
19:38What?
19:38Come on
19:38All right
19:42All right
19:43Fine
19:44You can't wait
19:45You really have to know
19:47Yes
19:47Fine
19:48Yeah
19:48Corky and Miles
19:50Are getting a divorce
19:52Are you happy now?
19:57That's right
19:57They realized
19:59I was right
20:00They appreciated
20:01My honesty
20:02Even leaned on me
20:03For support
20:04Me the one
20:05Everyone accused
20:05Of being unsupportive
20:07So I think
20:08There are more than
20:09A few people in here
20:10Who owe me an apology
20:11And I think
20:12If you look in your hearts
20:13You'll realize
20:14Who you are
20:14Frank Jim Garth
20:15Bobby
20:16Excuse me
20:18Excuse us
20:19Excuse me
20:19Hey everybody
20:20Having a good time
20:22Hey some of these glasses
20:23Look a little empty
20:24Anybody need a refill?
20:25It's okay Miles
20:26You don't have to put up a front
20:27I already told them
20:28Told them what?
20:30That you guys
20:31Are getting a divorce
20:31Oh we're not getting
20:33A divorce Murphy
20:34We're married
20:36And we're staying married
20:37And we couldn't be happier
20:39What about that
20:45Amnesia
20:46And Jerry Springer
20:47And all those sockballs
20:48What about those sockballs?
20:54Shit
20:54Oh man
20:55That's sexy
20:56This is a night
21:02You'll never forget
21:03Miles
21:06This is really kind of silly
21:08I could get a ride for Marv
21:10I'm on his way home
21:11Hey
21:11Good idea
21:12Well
21:13See you tomorrow
21:13Okay
21:13Say Miles
21:17As long as you've got room
21:18I'd defuse a lift home
21:19Sure
21:20Hoppy
21:20Splendid
21:21Bye everyone
21:25I still say they're crazy
21:36Yeah you're right
21:37But maybe you have to be crazy
21:39I mean Miles and Corky
21:41Couldn't have put those two together
21:43In a million years
21:44But they rolled the dice
21:45Who knows
21:46Maybe it'll work
21:47What are you saying Frank?
21:49Are you saying I made a mistake?
21:51Not marrying Peter?
21:53Wait a minute
21:54When did this become about you?
21:56When isn't it about me Frank?
21:59You still haven't answered me
22:01What you and Peter?
22:03No you didn't make a mistake
22:05Really?
22:07Absolutely not a doubt in my mind
22:09Wait a minute
22:11Didn't you tell me last week
22:12I was doing the right thing
22:13To get married?
22:14Oh yeah
22:15Well
22:16I guess maybe I was
22:19Telling you
22:21What I thought you wanted to hear
22:22Oh and now?
22:23Same deal
22:24You think we're just not
22:31The type of people
22:31Who are meant to get married?
22:33Um
22:33What do you mean we?
22:35You seen anyone Frank?
22:37No
22:37Interested in anyone?
22:39No
22:39Willing to go on
22:41Another blind date?
22:43You mean we Frank?
22:45You know if I didn't get married
22:53It wouldn't be a tragedy
22:54I mean I'm not worried about ending up alone
22:58I'd just be nice not to have to
23:02You know what really worries me
23:06What if there is a right person out there for me
23:08And I've already met her
23:09I mean what if I was tired that day
23:12Or I had a bad commute
23:13Or I made one wrong turn at the wrong time
23:16And that person walked out of my life forever
23:19Then you'd be sitting on a stoop
23:24A beautiful night in a beautiful city
23:27Talking to your best friend
23:29Murph
23:34Remember that vow we made a few years ago?
23:38You mean that Janet Reno secret admirer thing?
23:40Didn't we do that already?
23:42No
23:42I'm talking about the one where we promised that
23:45If we reached 40 and we weren't married yet
23:48We'd marry each other
23:49Oh yeah
23:50Then we hit 40 and we moved it to 45
23:52We hit 45 and we pushed it off to 50
23:57You know Murph
23:58Um
23:59We're almost 50 now
24:02Well maybe we'll just get adjoining plots
24:08It's a deal
24:28I'm here
24:35Yeah
24:36Bye
24:38Bye
24:40We'll see you next
24:43Bye
24:44Bye
24:45Bye
24:47Bye
24:47Bye
24:49Bye
24:50Bye
24:50Bye
24:52Bye
24:53Bye
24:53Bye
24:54Bye
24:54Bye
24:54Bye
24:55Bye
24:56Bye
24:57Bye