Charles Dickens Crotch Taco

Beasley Digital

Dave shares the results of a dating survey involving storytellers which makes him wonder how often the famous author Charles Dickens got laid back in the day.

Transcript

00:00There is something you can do that'll increase the chances that a woman will date you by 30%.

00:13Send her a dick pic.

00:16No.

00:18No?

00:19That's what's always worked for me.

00:22Your odds get 30% better when you learn how to tell a story.

00:27Oh, storytellers are awesome.

00:31When you're a good storyteller and not a long-winded storyteller, but just a perfect storyteller.

00:37Yeah.

00:37Can't go too long.

00:39Imagine all the crotch taco that Charles Dickens got.

00:42I never imagined a phrase like that.

00:45I've never would have said that sentence before in my life.

00:49In fact, I've never even thought of it.

00:52Charles Dickens.

00:52No, I never imagined how much.

00:54What did he say again?

00:56What was that quote?

00:57Crotch what?

00:58Taco.

00:58Crotch taco.

01:00Dave's looking at his storytelling skills there with that imagery.

01:03Yeah.

01:04Dave was trying to get chicks.

01:06Chow down on.

01:07Imagine for a moment the early turn of the century crotch taco Harry Bush that Charles Dickens was getting.

01:15Dave sits at home.

01:16He's one of the world's most famous storytellers, right?

01:19Dave sits at home.

01:19Well, Dr. Seuss.

01:21What do you think of Dr. Seuss?

01:22Imagine all the sprung wrinkles and dumb wrinkles that Dr. Seuss got.

01:29Charles Dickens, huh?

01:32Dave sits at home and ponders the great writers of the early or late 19th century.

01:40I have started going back and reading some classic books.

01:42Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:44Of course you have.

01:44Just because I thought, well, I must have missed that one.

01:47Yeah.

01:47No, no, come on.

01:49Oh, no.

01:49I want more sentences like that.

01:53Imagine all the crotch taco Charles Dickens got.

01:59What a wordsmith.

02:00I mean, I needed a moment to take that in.

02:02I was like, what did I just hear?

02:04I bet he didn't get any crotch tacos.

02:07No, come on.

02:08I think it works differently for a writer than it does an actual, when you speak the story.

02:14Like, you have to be able to tell the story.

02:15When you write it, it's much different.

02:17Man, that's probably not the case all the time.

02:18But I assume writers can express themselves and tell a good story if they can write.

02:21I don't know.

02:22Charles Dickens, have you seen what this guy looked like?

02:25I don't know if I've ever seen a picture of him.

02:27You think he's getting a lot of, uh, yeah.

02:30Oh, my God.

02:31You know what he's saying?

02:31Yeah.

02:32You're not a prunani?

02:32No.

02:33Dude, did you get his hair?

02:34Oh, my God.

02:36If I go bald, I'm getting that hair.

02:40That's Charles Dickens.

02:41That is.

02:42I had no idea what he looked like.

02:44I didn't either.

02:45Now, my lady, it is time to unsheathe your crotch taco.

02:49Dave, was that written for you?

02:50Did somebody write that and you just read it?

02:52No.

02:52On that story that you have in your hand?

02:55Crotch taco.

02:56Yeah.

02:56That was his wife.

02:57That was the crotch taco he was getting.

02:59He was getting the crotch taco.

03:00Let me see his crotch.

03:02Yeah.

03:03I feel like it was quite.

03:04She had ten kids.

03:06So, he was giving her the Dickens.

03:07Yeah.

03:08He was giving her the Dickens.

03:09Putting the Dickens right to her.

03:10Check that portrait out.

03:12Wow.

03:14It's so funny, too.

03:15I'd have a hard time keeping my hands off of her.

03:18What the Dickens?

03:20Crotch taco.

03:20He tried to leave that fat chick.

03:22He did.

03:24He tried to separate from her.

03:29Oh, sex tales of Charles Dickens.

03:34Who knew we'd go into Charles Dickens' sex life this morning?

03:37After I wrote my final novel, I realized I must bounce on this fat bitch.

03:45I think it would be interesting to find out more about Dickens.

03:49This is the year 1901, and every crotch taco is riddled with civility.

03:54Well, Dave, here's a book you can read.

03:55The Quivering Pen, The Dark Side of Dickens.

04:00He had a dark side.

04:01See, he was badass, that Dickens.

04:03No.

04:05People say what the Dickens for a reason.

04:08They don't say what the Dickens.

04:09Now, no one says what the Dickens.

04:11I've never said what the Dickens in my life.

04:16It was popular in the past, Dave.

04:18I don't think it's used as often nowadays.

04:20I still use it.

04:21What the Dickens.

04:23How play tell will I leave this fat, fat woman?

04:28Oh, yeah.

04:29What the Dickens is all over.

04:30What the Dickens is unconnected with Charles Dickens.

04:33Dickens means the devil.

04:36It's not Charles Dickens.

04:37Oh, I thought it was always about Charles.

04:38It's from Shakespeare's Merry Wives of Windsor.

04:42I can barely hear you, Chuck, with the music loud in the background.

04:46Sorry.

04:48Dickens is a euphemism for devil from Shakespeare's Merry Wives of Windsor.

04:53Act 3, Scene 2.

04:56Let's talk about this crotch taco statement.

05:00Let's break that one down.

05:02Oh, we got that, James.

05:05Let's talk about this crotch taco statement.

05:09I knew that she had both syphilis and gonorrhea.

05:12Because it was 1901 and modern medicine hadn't really caught up to the sexual trend.

05:16When I saw her from across the room, her rotund form made me think of just how glorious her crotch taco would be.

05:26Tell a good story.

05:2830% better chance of getting your own tail.

05:32Yeah, of course.

05:32Mushroom.

05:33Mushroom.

05:34Mushroom.

05:35Mushroom.

05:36Mushroom.

05:37Mushroom.

05:38Mushroom.

05:39Mushroom.

05:40Mushroom.

05:41Mushroom.

05:42Mushroom.

05:43Mushroom.

05:44Mushroom.

05:45Mushroom.

05:46Mushroom.

05:47Mushroom.

05:48Mushroom.

05:49Mushroom.

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05:52Mushroom.

05:53Mushroom.

05:54Mushroom.

05:55Mushroom.

05:56Mushroom.

05:57Mushroom.

05:58Mushroom.

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