Nate | Barstool Rundown
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00:00Breaking news as of 10 minutes ago, Dukes is going to leave Barstool in a week.
00:05Dukes?
00:06You got a better opportunity to just post it on Twitter.
00:08Who could the new job job could have been?
00:10So this adds to the horrible week.
00:12Oh my god.
00:13Lincoln shot the Hindenburg Dukes.
00:16Two zeros.
00:17Welcome to the Rundown.
00:23It is Tuesday, April 15th.
00:25I am joined by Chaps and Nick.
00:27Yeah.
00:27Welcome, welcome.
00:28Thank you so much for having us.
00:29Well, you know what I would love to have?
00:32Tickets to the upcoming Phillies-Cubs game.
00:34That's right.
00:35Yeah.
00:36NHL playoffs here.
00:37We'll get to that in a minute because I'm going to read the top.
00:40Kate, I want to go.
00:41I'm blowing it.
00:43No, no, no.
00:43You're doing really good.
00:44Okay.
00:45Go ahead.
00:45What were you going to say?
00:47I just need to know somewhere where I can get last minute killer deals.
00:51I'm so glad you asked that.
00:53It's game time, buddy.
00:54The NHL playoffs are here.
00:56And the only place to buy hard-to-get-playoff tickets is game time.
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01:12Pock drop?
01:13Oh, my God.
01:14I'm really spiraling like a puck on the ice.
01:18That's exactly right, Kate.
01:19You can save up to 60% when buying last-minute tickets.
01:22Plus, on April 22nd for Earth Day, you select and purchase a super deal, and game time will
01:28plant a tree with the proceeds.
01:29Very cool.
01:30I was looking at tickets for the upcoming Phillies game on the 27th.
01:34Tickets starting at $9.
01:36Low.
01:37At Wrigley?
01:38Come on.
01:38I'm going to use the extra money to get 15 baseball hats full of ice cream.
01:41There you go.
01:42Very nice.
01:43What are you waiting for?
01:44I'm going to buy those Phillies tickets now.
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02:02What time is it?
02:03Game time.
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02:04Hell, yeah.
02:04I nailed that.
02:05Only 20 mistakes in that ad read.
02:07That was fine.
02:07Game time's never a mistake.
02:09That's right.
02:11What's on the docket for today?
02:12Well, this is a big week.
02:15Braves reporter Wiley Ballard got a girl's number live on air in one of the smoothest moves you'll ever see.
02:24That happened on the 14th, right?
02:26This was on the 14th?
02:27Was it last night?
02:28It was last night, yeah.
02:30Okay, so he's chatting her up.
02:31He's at the game.
02:32He's a blah, blah, blah.
02:33Two cutie patooties.
02:34Is this professional?
02:35You know what?
02:38I feel like we're turning a course now.
02:40Was she asking for it, Kate?
02:42She was asking for it.
02:43Look at that low-cut talk.
02:44Oh, come on now.
02:44She was asking for it.
02:45Maybe she could smile a little more.
02:48I will say, in the age of dating apps, I feel like we're getting kind of tired of them,
02:53and I feel like it's kind of refreshing to some gals when they're just put on the spot in front of a stadium to give out their number.
02:59I'm sorry, guys.
03:00You know what I mean?
03:00I'm just a little distracted.
03:01Why is that?
03:02Hey, what's going on?
03:03Because I said it was April 14th, and that just reminded me of that tragedy, you know,
03:07when Abraham Lincoln got shot in the Ford Theater on April 14th.
03:13Is that?
03:13Oh, my God.
03:14It's the anniversary of yesterday.
03:15God damn.
03:16Yeah.
03:17So he did that the same.
03:19I wonder if that was his pickup line.
03:20Tough week in history.
03:21Probably so, yeah.
03:22It was tough.
03:23Damn, man.
03:24I'm so sorry.
03:25You know I'm a history.
03:25I know.
03:26You're a history.
03:26Oh, too soon to say head.
03:28Dad, don't talk head.
03:30Dad, don't talk head.
03:30It's a head, yeah.
03:32I mean, it gave Ulysses Grant a shot.
03:35It did.
03:36Yeah.
03:36It did.
03:37He did all right.
03:38I'm sorry, dude.
03:39Yeah, I'm sorry.
03:40Awful.
03:40Every time we're on here, there's a tragedy.
03:42Yeah, we are the...
03:43But anyway, yeah.
03:44Yeah, I mean...
03:45Good for him.
03:45He got our number and...
03:46So you're, let's say, co-workers flirting with you, Kate.
03:51You wouldn't be cool with that, right?
03:54You wouldn't sigh or two of his children.
03:56Not at all.
03:58Not at all.
03:58And certainly not because...
04:00You can't flirt at the job.
04:02No, I would never have children with a former co-worker give them my number for...
04:07I think I gave them my number after we have the two kids, actually.
04:10We did it in reverse.
04:11We did things in reverse.
04:13All right, I guess it's serious.
04:14But Wiley Ballard, his Riz game in Toronto was the turning point of the season.
04:17He can't get hits with runners in scoring position or fill the fourth and fifth spots in rotation,
04:23but maybe a move as smooth as that is what Riley pulled off.
04:27Maybe they'll hit a winning streak.
04:29Don't say hit.
04:30Not this week.
04:31No.
04:31Yeah, not after what...
04:32Rest in peace, Abraham Lincoln.
04:33Well, no, not just that, but...
04:35What?
04:36Also, April 15th is the anniversary of when the Titanic hit that iceberg and went down.
04:41Is this the worst historical week in history?
04:44I'm starting to feel that way.
04:45The Titanic hit the iceberg.
04:47Mm-hmm.
04:47And Abraham Lincoln.
04:48Mm-hmm.
04:51The movie Titanic.
04:52I have to fast forward through the scene.
04:54The old couple going to bed.
04:56Yeah.
04:57Oh, I thought you were going to meet Kate Winslet's tits.
04:59No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
05:01That was my first tit.
05:02Pause there.
05:02Yeah.
05:03Me too.
05:03My first tit.
05:04Yeah.
05:04I actually got...
05:05And that was my first time...
05:07It was probably the first inclination my mom thought I was straight because she had
05:11the VHS, the dual VHS.
05:12Yeah.
05:13And she put it in and I did not fast forward from the tit scene.
05:16So she popped in the VHS right at Winslet's titty.
05:18Nice.
05:19She had to know exactly what was happening there.
05:21Nice.
05:21Exactly.
05:22I think that couple, the old couple, they have a tombstone.
05:25I used to live in Woodlawn in the Bronx and I'm pretty sure that they have like a little
05:30tombstone there even though their bodies obviously are at the bottom of the sea.
05:33Deep at the sea.
05:34That's sad to think about.
05:35Speaking of bodies.
05:36Oh, no.
05:36Oh.
05:36Again?
05:37More?
05:37Yeah, there's more.
05:40This week as well, Civil War started.
05:44God damn.
05:45Fort Sumter began on April 12th.
05:48No.
05:49Yeah.
05:51I guess that's a good thing for some...
05:53Which, I don't know if you guys remember or not, but that left 620 to 750,000 Americans
05:58dead.
05:59Bloody war.
06:00That's a lot.
06:02Anyway, Katie, thank you, chaps.
06:03Katie Perry had the nerve to ruin everyone's trip to space by singing What a Wonderful World
06:08once they got up there.
06:10If I was in space...
06:11Everybody that decides to go to space probably has some main character syndrome.
06:16Yeah.
06:16They were up there for what?
06:19Four minutes?
06:20It was pretty quick.
06:21It was pretty quick.
06:22No.
06:22Four minutes is a long time.
06:24It depends on what you're doing.
06:25Space, short...
06:26It could be a long time.
06:26Yeah.
06:27Yeah.
06:27It could last an eternity.
06:29You could be winded and sleep for about 11 hours after...
06:31Yeah.
06:32Yeah.
06:33Mm-hmm.
06:34Well, anyway, yeah.
06:35They went to space.
06:35My biggest beef is...
06:37It's awesome.
06:39Cute tagline.
06:40Women take up space.
06:41That's great.
06:42We're a manspread now.
06:44Okay?
06:44Yeah.
06:44We're a manspread in all over space.
06:46We're a manspread in everywhere with our lady bits.
06:48That's cool.
06:49I don't understand why they had to wear skin-tight, full glam.
06:54Like...
06:54Well, if you could go to space, you've got to get a yeast infection on the way.
06:58I just don't...
06:59Yeah.
07:00It's probably a bunch of...
07:01It's probably hot under there.
07:02Mm-hmm.
07:03You need to go to space.
07:04A bunch of guys are like, oh, I can't believe they didn't hit a curve up there or whatever.
07:07Like, dumb, just...
07:07That's cool.
07:09But...
07:09I think I said that on the yak yesterday.
07:11That was you.
07:13So...
07:14Anyway...
07:15You son of a bitch.
07:16Yeah.
07:17I just didn't get...
07:18Like...
07:19It's empowering, but we also have to look fucking hot when we do it for the male gaze.
07:23You know what I mean, ladies?
07:25That's just...
07:25I really hated that.
07:26I mean, the only reason they went to space was to impress dudes, I'm sure.
07:29Was to look hot.
07:30Yeah.
07:30And then Niso's tripping in the dirt.
07:32Yeah, that was that...
07:33Running to open the pod.
07:34That made me laugh a little bit.
07:35It was weird seeing one of the richest men on Earth trip and fall.
07:39It was.
07:39You think you would have some sort of tech to prevent that?
07:41Yep.
07:42I know.
07:42It was strange.
07:43It's like, oh, he's human.
07:44They look great.
07:45They look great.
07:46I'm happy.
07:46I guess I'm just hating, I suppose.
07:48Would you do it if they were like, we want another woman?
07:52Fuck no.
07:52I don't...
07:53I won't...
07:53I'm not going to bungee jump.
07:54I'm not going to...
07:55I'm not doing a zip line.
07:56Oh, your bat couldn't handle a bungee jump.
07:57No.
07:58That would kill me.
07:59But yeah, no.
07:59I have zero interest in going to space.
08:02I think I'm in Team William Shatner where he went up there.
08:05And then once he was up there, he was like looking down at Earth being like, but wait, that's
08:08where I want to be.
08:09I think I have like a spiraling meltdown.
08:12Katy Perry.
08:13Did you see her interview afterwards?
08:14No.
08:15It was pretty bad.
08:17Oh, no.
08:17What was she saying?
08:18She was just like, when I was up there, I learned a lot about love.
08:21Oh, my God.
08:22I mean, she went on long and long.
08:24Did you see what they were talking about that they wanted her to sing?
08:27Gayle King kept trying to like sing Firework up here.
08:31And she was like, no, no, it's not going to be about that.
08:33It's about the world.
08:35Actually, you know what?
08:36I'm going to...
08:36I'll sing Wonderful World.
08:38Oh.
08:39So Katy Perry's up there in space singing It's a Wonderful World.
08:43And really, Katy Perry went up there.
08:44It's probably a tax write-off because it was an ad for her upcoming tour.
08:49The whole thing was an ad.
08:50Well, the whole thing was an ad.
08:51The whole thing was an ad.
08:51The entire thing was an ad for each of them.
08:53Lauren Sanchez wrote a book about a fly that goes to space.
08:56You know, they all have the things they're selling.
08:58I'm such a hater.
09:00That can't be your group, though.
09:01Like, if you want celebrities, you can't have fucking Gayle King.
09:05Why?
09:05She's a big deal.
09:06Yeah.
09:07Oh, never mind.
09:07I'll take it back.
09:08She's the only one of that group that I think was like, oh, my God.
09:10She was the only one that was like afraid walking on.
09:12Yeah.
09:13She seemed to be the appropriate amount of afraid.
09:15But Oprah was there rooting for her.
09:16They're an item, right?
09:17That's what people say.
09:18Yeah.
09:18Some people say that.
09:20Stedman lives in the pool house.
09:21Yeah, he does.
09:22I think the rocket should have been shaped like a vulva.
09:25I don't know.
09:25I don't know if they're as aerodynamic.
09:28What, vulvas?
09:29I don't.
09:30Yeah, I think we have you there.
09:32Yeah, that's true.
09:34That's why I think that evolution really fucked this whole thing up.
09:37I feel like that there should be one of the sects that have everything dangly.
09:42Like, you get tits and a dick.
09:44Okay, yeah.
09:45And then the other one compacts.
09:46And then the other one really streamlined.
09:46Real streamlined.
09:47Yeah.
09:47So you can run through the woods real fast.
09:49Not getting anything caught or anything.
09:50Hunter-gatherer kind of thing.
09:51Yeah.
09:52They should be floppy parts and then streamlined parts.
09:56Yeah.
09:57I don't know why.
09:59So, yeah.
10:00I mean, dudes can get tits.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Yeah.
10:03Anyway, I think that the Blue Origin thing is going to keep taking off quite literally until inevitably we blow up a rocket full of celebs and everyone's like, maybe we should hold off on that.
10:13This seems eerily similar.
10:14It's too soon to be talking about blowing stuff up.
10:17Oh, no.
10:18No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
10:19What?
10:19Yeah, because in 1906, the entirety of many San Francisco streets were blown up by that huge 7.9 earthquake that killed over 3,000 people.
10:31God damn.
10:32And yesterday, history repeated itself, San Diego got an 8, right?
10:36Wow.
10:36Yes.
10:36Did you see the elephants circling the baby elephant at the zoo?
10:39No.
10:40So cute.
10:40That's sad.
10:41They were fine.
10:42Anyway.
10:43All right.
10:43Better elephants than the Bay of Pigs, which also happened.
10:46Oh, what a national embarrassment that was.
10:48April 17th.
10:49Yeah.
10:49This is a tough week.
10:49Was that JFK's flub?
10:51Yeah.
10:51Yeah.
10:53Damn.
10:53God damn.
10:54What a tough week.
10:55Yeah.
10:55At least Katy Perry made it.
10:57Yeah.
10:57I'm glad Katy Perry made it.
10:58Guys, does Coachella suck?
11:00I don't know.
11:01I've never been.
11:02I think so.
11:03I mean, just going outside for that long there with all those people dressed that way would
11:08be awful.
11:09Did you see the line for the showers?
11:10No.
11:11Yeah.
11:11It was like two hours long.
11:12Yeah.
11:13And why?
11:14You're just going to go out and be incredibly smelly again.
11:17I feel like you just go that whole time without showering.
11:20I'm not like a crowds or music festival kind of guy.
11:23So even if this was the greatest conditions, I wouldn't want to do it.
11:27But I love a festival.
11:29Yeah?
11:29I love a good festival.
11:31It's like a test of endurance if you make it to day three and you can still party.
11:35I haven't done it in a minute, but I used to be a festival gal.
11:38And I love being dirty and smelly.
11:40I'm not waiting in the shower line.
11:41I just don't give a fuck.
11:42Unless I got gut by the internet, which I do often, 60% of the people did like the
11:48they finance their tickets.
11:50Yeah.
11:50I saw that.
11:52Because it's crazy expensive.
11:54And I don't know.
11:55Through a firm or something like that.
11:57I will say, I feel like the influencers are kind of ruining it a little bit.
12:02People are financing their trips to Coachella.
12:04And another thing, too, people are showing the Missy Elliott.
12:07I watched her performance.
12:09It was insane.
12:10And then you look at the crowd and it's like...
12:12Well, there are a billion degrees.
12:14Yeah.
12:14Like you've been out there all day.
12:15It's hard to get amped up for it, I would imagine.
12:17But people weren't amped up for Lady Gaga?
12:19Which I watched that, too, and it was incredible.
12:21It's like, I know Alex Earl said that she was dancing during Gaga and people were like,
12:26excuse us.
12:26There are other people here trying to watch the show.
12:28And she's like, what?
12:30You can't come in Alex Earl like that.
12:31But anyway, I don't know.
12:33I just, I also feel like we're only seeing it from the buttoned up influencers.
12:37We're all super hot wearing cute outfits.
12:39There's probably a ton of normal people just having a great fucking time, but we're not
12:41seeing it because they're not influencing.
12:44So...
12:44Bernie went.
12:46Oh.
12:46Maybe it doesn't suck as bad.
12:49That's what I want to go see.
12:50Political stump speech at.
12:51Exactly.
12:52Yeah, totally.
12:52That's exactly what I need.
12:53Get them fired up and then bring out corn or something.
12:56Yeah.
12:57It'd be awesome.
12:59You're not so right, Donnie.
13:03Sanders introducing corn would be great.
13:06It's fucking corn.
13:08I saw people were also giving Charlie XCX a hard time for wearing the Miss Should Be Headliner
13:12sash.
13:12It was Green Day that headlined and people are like, you only have one album, Mitch.
13:16You're not Green Day.
13:17And that Green Day has more listens in a single day than she gets in a month.
13:20I don't know.
13:21I don't know whose fandom is crazy and combative anymore.
13:24So I sit all of these out.
13:25Sit all of them out.
13:26Yeah.
13:27I'll say the day I gave birth to my first son, I pissed off Harry Styles Twitter.
13:30What?
13:31And they came at me.
13:33Wait, was there any correlation to the childbirth or...
13:36I made some...
13:38He had just come out with the song Watermelon Sugar.
13:40Uh-huh.
13:41And I made some kind of joke about...
13:44It's a song about the whole video.
13:47He's like holding up cantaloupes and watermelon.
13:48It's about like licking...
13:49It's about eating pussy.
13:50Yeah.
13:51And I was like something about him eating...
13:52I tweeted something about him eating pussy.
13:54Harry Styles Twitter picked it up and was like, you know what he said in an interview two
13:58years ago?
13:59That he doesn't want to be sexualized and blah, blah, blah.
14:01It had like tens of...
14:03Like it...
14:04You know, they have like their troops.
14:06Yeah.
14:06I like went into labor and I was like, Pat, I'm getting like a thousand tweets.
14:09Pat, I'm canceled.
14:10And by the time I had the baby and checked my Twitter again, it was like...
14:13You should have went live and just went after him when you were giving birth.
14:16I'm sorry.
14:17I'm like, Pat, Harry, I'm sorry.
14:19But like it was the first time I'd ever like kicked a hornet's nest of a fan group and
14:23they got pissed.
14:24They're like, of course, Barstow would sexualize Harry Styles, blah, blah, blah.
14:27Anyway.
14:28Like what inspired that?
14:29Like did your doctor, like when he like lifted up the gown, he was like, Harry.
14:32And you're like, that reminds me of a tweet I need to get off.
14:39I actually...
14:40Well, I actually style it.
14:41So he was like, Harry Styles.
14:42Harry Styles.
14:43You're like, that gives me an idea.
14:45Yeah.
14:46Like an Italian man's mustache.
14:48Yes.
14:49When I'm scheming, I twirl the ends.
14:50It's a nervous dick.
14:53Your cooch looks like it's going to tie somebody to a train tracks.
14:57It wears like a leather apron.
15:00Enough about that.
15:01Here's something you'll actually want to eat.
15:03Oh, God.
15:04Jesus Christ.
15:05Oh, my God.
15:06It's your best season yet.
15:08Kate, when I off myself, it's going to be just a...
15:10I'm going to print off this clip.
15:12Okay.
15:14Well, I got him to do it.
15:15Add it to the list.
15:16Add it to the list.
15:18Can I say this before that?
15:19Sure.
15:20This idea didn't work.
15:21Oh, I thought it was fun.
15:22No, it was cute.
15:23No.
15:23Whatever.
15:24I like bouncing back and forth.
15:25He tried a bit.
15:26All right.
15:26There's a lot more tragedies.
15:27There's a lot of tragedies in this week in history.
15:29I like the bouncing back and forth.
15:30Okay.
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16:29Okay.
16:29You're good at that.
16:33Anyway, you got any more sad crap for us before?
16:36There has to be.
16:37You got any more of your bit?
16:38There's a bunch more, honestly.
16:39Is this the worst week?
16:40It is.
16:41It is known as horror week.
16:43Is Hitler's birthday this week?
16:44Like, very close.
16:46Okay.
16:47So April 20th, if you want to include that.
16:50So it's an eight-day stretch.
16:51Also includes Columbine.
16:53Jesus.
16:54Also includes the Virginia Tech shooting.
16:56Jeez.
16:57Also includes the Boston Marathon bomber.
17:00Like, it's legitimately the worst run in American history is this week.
17:05Do you think it's because April kind of sucks low-key?
17:07Yeah.
17:07April, it's like it's still cold and you're going stir-crazy and it's just...
17:11Not a lot of sports going on.
17:13Yeah.
17:13Which crushes me.
17:14That's right.
17:15You know, it's gloomy.
17:17It's raining all the time.
17:18Breaking news as of 10 minutes ago.
17:20Beep, beep, beep, beep.
17:21Dukes is going to leave Barstool in a week.
17:23Dukes?
17:23Dukes?
17:23You got a better opportunity to just post it on Twitter.
17:26This isn't a joke.
17:26This was a really tough decision, but next Wednesday will be my last day at Barstool Sports.
17:32I was presented with an offer and, you know, I didn't really seek it out, but it came to me.
17:39Seems like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
17:41It's a complete 180 from what I'm doing here.
17:44But, you know, I got my dream job.
17:47I worked at my dream job.
17:48At 14 years old, I always wanted to work at Barstool Sports.
17:52I completed my dream, and then sometimes you got to move on from your dream.
17:55I thought I was going to be a Barstool lifer, but it's not shaking out that way.
18:01Who could the new job job have been?
18:02So this adds to the horrible week.
18:04Oh, my God.
18:05Lincoln shot the Hindenburg Dukes leaving Barstool Sports.
18:082-0s.
18:10Wait, where is he going, did he say?
18:12He got a better opportunity, he's always said.
18:14A better opportunity.
18:15Yeah, fuck this.
18:16That'd be something lacrosse-related, right?
18:18It must be.
18:18That's my thought.
18:19He had an all-time stretch maybe two years ago where he had back-to-back nights where he wrecked his bike and landed only on his face.
18:29Historic run.
18:30Classic Dukes.
18:32I don't know if we can add in the who should have the MVP should have been.
18:35Oh, my God.
18:36That's one of the best.
18:37Dukes.
18:37One of my favorite Dukes.
18:38All right, we're asking people who the MVP should have been.
18:42Who should the MVP should have been.
18:43Dukes was frat brothers with my cousin.
18:46Dukes is America's frat brother.
18:48He really is.
18:49Yeah, he really is.
18:50Oh, man, that makes me pretty sad.
18:52He's like a lovable frat guy.
18:54He's like the best of the frats.
18:56He lets you know before he spikes your drink.
18:57Yeah, he's very polite.
18:59Great crier, too.
19:00Oh, my God, yes.
19:01Oh, yeah, the crying video.
19:02Uncle D, fuck, man.
19:03Great crier.
19:04Falling on his bike.
19:05What a guy.
19:05Man.
19:06I'm happy for him.
19:07Happy for him.
19:08Yeah.
19:10But fuck that guy.
19:11Yeah, yes.
19:12Abandon us.
19:13Damn, Dukes.
19:14Steven Che's song came out today.
19:16The spaghetti song?
19:17Look what you made me do, Spaghetti.
19:18So check that out on the act.
19:20Oh, my God.
19:20The show.
19:22We're fucked.
19:23Yep.
19:24Damn.
19:24Yeah, make sure you check it out.
19:25Something that happened three hours ago.
19:27Yep.
19:27Please do.
19:28Please do.
19:30All right.
19:31Fuck this week.
19:32Tough week.
19:33Okay.
19:34Yeah.
19:36That's a rundown.