If The Lottery Was Honest

Cracked

You are 5,000 more likely to get hit by lightning. #shorts #youtubeshorts #funny #comedy #parody #lottery

Transcript

00:00Hi, I'm Roger, and I'm here to tell you about my Power Sphere Lottery, an exciting

00:06way to potentially win lots of money by spending what seems like a small amount that will in

00:12fact grow quite dramatically over time.

00:15But you're not thinking about what playing the lottery for 20 years costs, right?

00:20You're thinking about how spending 5 today could make you 10 million tomorrow!

00:27Yes!

00:28But please keep thinking that.

00:30It seems simple.

00:32All you have to do is pick a couple of random numbers, the birthdays of your loved ones

00:38perhaps, or maybe just your favorites, and tell them to a sad convenience store employee.

00:44696969.

00:45That's it, that's the game.

00:53You just played a game, but if it seems too hard, just take your paycheck and plot it

00:57into a nearby shredder.

00:59It has about the same effect.

01:00Well, we'd like you to believe that the only thing preventing you from becoming a

01:05billionaire and following your dreams is owning this scrap of paper.

01:10In reality, you're 5,000 times more likely to get hit by lightning, and 8,000 times more

01:16likely to be murdered.

01:17Neat, huh?

01:18I don't know, is it neat to find out I'm more likely to be murdered than win lots of money?

01:25Fun question.

01:27Anyway, we like to say that we're selling you the American dream, because that tested

01:32better in focus groups than calling it a tax on the poor, which essentially it is.

01:38You see, we actively target lower-income households who have no other way to climb out of poverty.

01:45We carefully choose what types of programming we advertise on, and place higher concentrations

01:51of ticket vendors in lower-economics neighborhoods.

01:54That's why the average low-income household spends almost 9% of their savings on these

02:01beautiful slips of paper.

02:02No, no, I'm not poor.

02:04This is just...

02:05I only play sometimes, you know, it's a fun distraction, and two weeks ago I was only

02:09one number off, so I got pretty close, because that's how probability works, right?

02:15Hey, for the purposes of my industry, probability works however you think it does.

02:21Yeah.

02:22Attaboy.

02:24Let's say you win.

02:25I mean, you won't if you play our popular Power Sphere lottery game.

02:29The odds are 185 million to one that you'll win.

02:33So we might as well just call it impossible.

02:36But let's not, for argument's sake.

02:38Because even if you are that lucky person, you can look forward to a life of regret and isolation.

02:4433% of lottery winners eventually file for bankruptcy, and 50% feel absolutely no change

02:51in their overall happiness.

02:53The very thing the lottery promises to give you.

02:56Wait.

Category

Transcript

Recommended