Getting Sent to Trans Island | Standup Comedy | Nori Reed - video Dailymotion

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Comedian Nori Reed (After Midnight, Hulu) just started a great antidepressant and bought a safe.   Find Nori on socials: @norireed  Love comedy? Cracked Comedy Club is bringing you the best standup comedians you should know (like Nori), before they go viral on TikTok, Kill Tony, or for a street interview in Nashville. All taped live from Los Angeles.   For more information, follow us on Instagram and TikTok @crackedcomedyclub  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/crackedcomedyclub/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@crackedcomedyclub Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CrackedVideo/  SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER: https://cracked.beehiiv.com/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=bio&utm_campaign=ytsignup  #standup #standupcomedy #comedy #crackupcomedy #livecomedy

Transcript

00:00My name is Nori. I'll just get into it. I'm a trans-American.

00:06Yes.

00:10It's illegal now.

00:14Oh, it's okay. It's okay. It's fine.

00:19I recently started a really good antidepressant called Cymbalta.

00:30Anyone else?

00:32Not that one.

00:33A different one.

00:36I highly recommend. It's so good.

00:41Earlier this year, there were a lot of attacks on the trans community.

00:46Are you guys aware of that?

00:48And while that was happening, I just started the Cymbalta.

00:52So I was watching the news, and I was like, that is so bad for them.

01:02If that happened to me, I'd kill myself.

01:18It's okay. It's okay.

01:27I started transitioning when Obama was president.

01:31So I feel bamboozled.

01:37Didn't read the contract.

01:38Your rights can go away in, like, not a lot of time, actually.

01:55The Obama period was different for trans people.

01:58Like, do you guys remember the Virgin Atlantic commercials?

02:01Oh, I miss those.

02:05You know the ones where, like, the camera goes to the cockpit,

02:11and the pilot's a trans woman, and she's just like...

02:14And you're like, is she even a pilot?

02:24I don't know.

02:26I'm scared.

02:28I'm scared.

02:33You can laugh.

02:36You can laugh.

02:38Permission.

02:41You can laugh.

02:44No, it's okay. It's fine.

02:47If they do start putting us into camps,

02:50I hope it's outside.

02:54I don't want to be outside.

03:01Actually, I think...

03:02Actually, I know what they're going to do.

03:04I know.

03:04I think they're going to...

03:07put us on an island...

03:09that's, like, a big...

03:10Do you work here?

03:17The transphobia is crazy in America.

03:28They don't even want me to say what I have to say.

03:31What I was going to say is I think they're going to put trans people on, like, a big island

03:45that's, like, a big Sephora.

03:47And I think we're going to have to color match

03:56a foundation for cis women.

04:04And if we get it wrong, they're going to kill us.

04:06It's okay.

04:19No, a lot of bad stuff happens this year to trans people.

04:23But I'm very lucky because I have a lot of people in my life

04:26that are really good allies.

04:28Like, I had a lot of people that were, like,

04:30whatever happens, like,

04:32I got your back.

04:36But these people also smoke a lot of weed.

04:44Like, the person that was, like,

04:45I got your back.

04:46I'm, like,

04:47you're literally never sober.

04:49Like, if the police came for me

04:55and they opened the door,

04:57they'd be like,

04:58oh, yeah, she's right here.

05:04I was pretty freaked out

05:05earlier this year.

05:07I got a safe.

05:11Anyone ever buy a safe before?

05:14Woo!

05:16You know what I'm talking about.

05:19The LGBTs here are, like,

05:21I know what you're talking about.

05:24I bought a safe on Amazon.

05:27Sorry.

05:29I didn't know where else to go.

05:34I bought a safe on Amazon.

05:36And what's so funny about buying a safe is,

05:38this is what I realized,

05:39the safe was too big to, like, hide.

05:44Like, I couldn't hide it anywhere.

05:46But it was light enough

05:49to carry?

06:00So, essentially,

06:02I'm, like, making, like,

06:03a to-go bag.

06:04So, I just got a gun.

06:16Yeah.

06:17I think technology is changing my brain.

06:20Anyone else?

06:22The other day,

06:23I was out to dinner with my friend,

06:26and, like,

06:29they're not a comedian,

06:30so they don't know how to tell stories.

06:33They're like,

06:34you guys.

06:38Yeah.

06:39So,

06:39my friend was telling me, like,

06:42a really boring story

06:44about their grandma

06:45or something.

06:45And without even thinking,

06:48I swiped up.

06:54Isn't that crazy?

06:57Like,

06:57I was literally listening,

06:58I was just like...

07:00I have a gun.

07:11I'm on a wellness journey.

07:23You guys are like,

07:24prove it.

07:27And by that,

07:28I mean I started

07:28doing ketamine.

07:33Anyone else?

07:38I've heard quite,

07:38yeah.

07:42Who?

07:46Be proud.

07:48It's amazing.

07:50And I,

07:50listen,

07:51I do it legit.

07:52Like,

07:52I do it the right way.

07:54I get mine through a company

07:55called Choose Ketamine.

08:01It's based out of Texas.

08:04And you Zoom

08:05with a doctor.

08:08And he asks really

08:12important medical questions

08:14like,

08:16do you want ketamine?

08:25And, like,

08:26follow-up questions like,

08:28how much?

08:33And then they send it to you

08:35to do it at home

08:36by yourself.

08:38And the last time

08:40I did ketamine,

08:42it was amazing.

08:43It's like,

08:44out of body,

08:45like,

08:46you're like part of the universe.

08:48It's so cool.

08:49And I was having a great time,

08:51but then out of nowhere,

08:52I was confronted

08:54with the fact

08:54that sometimes

08:55I deal with being

08:56passively suicidal.

08:57but then I heard a voice

09:02and the voice said,

09:04but if you kill yourself,

09:06you can't do any more ketamine.

09:08It works.

09:18It works.

09:21It works.

09:25I'll leave you with this.

09:27Okay, um...

09:31I, uh...

09:36Sorry.

09:36I'm on ketamine.

09:40Sorry.

09:47I'll end with this

09:49and get out of here.

09:50I'm working on impressions.

09:58Um...

09:58This is a minion

10:00coming out as bisexual.

10:22Thank you so much.

10:24Thank you so much.

Getting Sent to Trans Island | Standup Comedy | Nori Reed

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