Women and what they wear: a never ending debate

Brut India

“What you are wearing is not acceptable in this office.” From stares to whispers, the struggle faced by women over what to wear is real.

Transcript

00:00Son, I can see your bra strap from here.

00:02He fixed my bra strap with his own hands and then said that

00:07you look like a good girl, don't do like this.

00:10I trust you but I don't trust the men on the street.

00:15What kind of clothes are you wearing?

00:17It's too long, right?

00:18I have heard that someone must have told this to a guy

00:22that don't do like this, don't do like that.

00:24I remember I was checked for what I was wearing was when I was 8.

00:30They would always be like these small statements, you know like

00:33you need to wear a longer top with those leggings,

00:35you need to wear a dupatta with that kurta.

00:39It's the age old, we're saying this for your own good.

00:42I trust you but I don't trust the men on the street.

00:54Son, I can see your bra strap from here.

00:58He fixed my bra strap with his own hands and then said that

01:08you look like a good girl, don't do like this.

01:11I will complain to your mom that you wear short skirts to excite boys in college.

01:16Excuse me, I said no short skirts in the college, please.

01:20There was a lady who had come to our house discussing all about religion

01:24and what's good, what's not good.

01:27She pointed out to my skirt, she said skirts like this take you to her lady diner.

01:33When I was living in Mumbai, I think a couple of years ago,

01:37I'd given this one top to a tailor near my house

01:40because it was really loose and it needed to be taken in from the side.

01:44And when I got back home and I tried it on,

01:46I noticed that he'd also pulled up the shoulders a little bit

01:50and sort of raised the neckline and it wasn't even that deep to begin with.

01:56And then there was this dress that I wanted him to make.

01:58It was a very pretty thin collar v-neck and he seemed very hesitant

02:04and I was like, what happened?

02:06She's like, it will be too deep.

02:09And then I ended up convincing him that I would wear an inner with the dress.

02:15I was stepping out for a friend's birthday party

02:17and I really wanted to wear this cute purple strap top with jeans.

02:21And I remember being told by my family at that time that straps are just not okay

02:27and I would either have to change out of it or cover it up with a jacket or a shrug.

02:32It was a classic work setting.

02:34This is a company I used to work for many, many years ago

02:38and I was called into the conference room by my head HR

02:43asking me to not wear what I was wearing on that day.

02:48She very bluntly told me that what you're wearing is not acceptable in this office

02:55because we've seen men look at you in this particular outfit.

03:00What I was wearing was a play suit, which was a little over my knees

03:05and over that I was wearing a green, like an oversized jacket on top.

03:10When I was working at the prominent research institutes in Delhi,

03:15we had gone for an outing and it was in April and it was really,

03:19the sun was on overhead and I decided to put a dupatta over my head.

03:24And one of my lab mates, she comes running to me and she says,

03:28take that off.

03:28And I was like, why? What's wrong with this?

03:31Like, no, your RPI doesn't like it.

03:34She doesn't like women being enslaved.

03:36And I was like, what's enslavement in a dupatta over my head?

03:40She's like, no, she wants modern and liberal women.

03:43It is true that even though some of us believe that women shouldn't be questioned

03:46about what they were wearing when something terrible happened to them, women are.

03:50I think what happened is on some level, I internalized that,

03:53okay, my body is the problem.

03:56That it is this deeply offensive, disgusting thing

04:01that needs to be covered up at all times.

04:04And I could be seen, but I had to be seen only under

04:08very specific conditions and in very specific ways.

04:11Is it just that I'm feeling comfortable in what I'm wearing?

04:15Or is it just comforting that nobody seems to have a problem with it?

04:18Did you ask these men why they were looking at me?

04:21Do you think that is acceptable?

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