Women leave their parental home after marriage. Why? || Acharya Prashant, at IIT-Guwahati (2023)

Acharya Prashant

‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant? Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...   Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books? Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...  ➖➖➖➖➖➖  Video Information: 19.02.23, IIT-Guwahati  Context:  What is ultimate advice for marriage?  How to choose the right partner for marriage?  How to be committed in a relationship?  How to have a deep and spiritual relationship?  Is marriage good or bad?  What about sex before marriage?  Is it compulsory to marry? Why should one must have a compelling purpose?  Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~

Transcript

00:00Does the person you are with encourage you to read?

00:07You have to ask, what does he bring for me? Roses or books?

00:12If someone has a stake in making you better, that person will push you towards books.

00:18Books are what we all need.

00:30Good evening, sir. I have had this question for really long and that is,

00:43after being born and brought up in their parents' home for nearly two and a half decades,

00:51one very fine day, Indian women or women in general have to leave their parents' home

00:57and are married off to start a new life from the scratch.

01:02They are expected to make a new home with their in-laws,

01:07leaving their parents' home where the former being absolute strangers to her just before.

01:14So, what are your opinions on this?

01:17Why do only women have to do this and can there be any alternative to this practice

01:24which can be suitable to both men and women as well?

01:29Incidentally, a question, you may clap.

01:41It's the question actually that deserves a clap.

01:45So, just very recently, I suppose two, three, four months back, I have answered this question

01:52and every time I pose this question, my response is immediately the same.

02:01Why must you, as a woman, ask this question to anybody?

02:11It's your life, is it not?

02:15So, I would rather bounce the question back to you.

02:20Why do you choose to leave your parental home?

02:27What is the need?

02:29Because, I mean nobody is tying your limbs and forcibly carrying you away to the other family or the other house.

02:40Women in some way walk out on their own, right?

02:43Even if they are weeping their hearts and their eyes out, still it's on their own feet that they walk out and go to the other place.

02:54Why do you choose to do that?

02:56What is the need?

02:58Is there a need?

03:00I mean you tell me, please.

03:04If I were a woman, I would never, never see the point in that

03:11and obviously never agree to that.

03:15How is it possible that my parent's house becomes a stranger's place to me

03:25and I start calling the other family as my family and some random fellow as papa.

03:33I mean obviously a random fellow.

03:36You can come up with cultural arguments and say, no the father of the husband is my own father.

03:44I don't see that, I don't feel that.

03:47Just don't.

03:49Mummy is a sacred word, is it not?

03:52Mother.

03:54Having called somebody mother, ma, once in life,

03:59how can you start calling somebody else suddenly as ma?

04:03Just because she incidentally happens to be the mother of the one your hormones have fallen in love with.

04:12So she becomes your mother, how?

04:15All this is quite a lot of crap.

04:20I just don't see the point in this.

04:22All this is quite a lot of crap.

04:25I just don't see the point in this and if you want to go into the reasons,

04:31the reasons are all very evolutionary and very material based on economics, nothing else.

04:41When you look at the woman as a factor of production,

04:48manpower is a resource in the economy, right?

04:53And the woman produces manpower in the form of babies.

04:56So the woman is like a factor of production.

04:59In the eyes of economics, that's how she is, right?

05:03The factor of production is controlled by its master.

05:10Factory is owned, a factory is something that produces, it is owned by somebody.

05:18The ones who owns a productive resource wants to keep it in its own premises.

05:26So the husband carries her away, he says now she will produce kids for me.

05:30So I must possess her, own her and keep her at my place.

05:35And for exactly the same reason the girl is made to now wear and carry the name of the husband.

05:43If you go to villages, even today, you will find old utensils and the name of the owner is etched on them.

05:56Seen that? Old utensils and they are carrying the name of the owner.

06:02And that is what is also done to women.

06:05Otherwise what is the point?

06:07Your mother changes, new mummy, new papa and new name also.

06:12New house, new mummy, new papa, new name, new family, new bed.

06:18Why? Are you getting a rebirth or what?

06:22So all this is just quite loveless economics.

06:27There is no life in it, there is no love in it and no self-respecting woman should agree to this.

06:35No self-aware woman can agree to this.

06:38In fact, forget about the woman.

06:41If even the man has any degree of self-awareness and self-respect,

06:47he will never want a woman to quit his family and start coming here and do all kinds of things.

06:54Let the man stay where he has to stay, let the woman stay where she wants to stay.

06:59And if they want to meet, it's good to meet once in a while.

07:03Right?

07:05I mean frequent dating is far better than cohabitation.

07:10Take it from me.

07:12Meeting someone once in a week is pleasurable.

07:17But when you have to look at that person's face 24 hours,

07:21then you come to see the real face and that is quite intolerable.

07:26Once in a week is just ok.

07:29Once in a month is still better.

07:31So, all that is quite nonsensical and I don't know why girls even today accept all that.

07:48That just tells me that the times have changed, the minds have not changed.

07:54We are not really progressing in the inner sense.

08:01Even though there is a lot of material abundance outside, internally we are still quite poor.

08:08And I really sometimes feel very angry at what women have done to themselves

08:18and all the things that they needlessly accept.

08:21I just don't know why a woman should simply allow herself to be a hostage to the past,

08:33blind traditions and forces of economics.

08:38Why she should allow herself to be, especially today, when she herself is educated,

08:45when she earns, she knows, she has knowledge, awareness, power, legal protection.

08:53All kinds of things are there.

08:55Why does she need to act subservient?

08:58Why does she need to allow her life to be destroyed?

09:03All that is quite unfathomable.

09:06It's just that we don't think over these things.

09:15It's taken as some kind of divine rule.

09:18The woman has to leave her house and go to some other place.

09:22There is nothing divine in this.

09:24This is just social custom and economics.

09:29And you have no obligation to follow any customs whatsoever.

09:34Your only obligation is your own liberation.

09:38You might have the body of a woman, but your consciousness is of a human being.

09:46You are fundamentally just consciousness and therefore your sole purpose in life is your liberation.

09:53You do not exist to appease a man or to produce kids or to carry the mantle of social custom.

10:00No.

10:07Any follow-ups on this one?

10:17Namaste Sir.

10:19Sir, I have a question related to what you have explained just now.

10:25I completely agree with the theory.

10:27I completely agree.

10:28But can you also suggest a way to explain the same concept to our parents?

10:35Because my parents are asking me to get married because they wanted to get me free from some kind of burden.

10:46So the same concept which you explained to us, we as a girl, I think every girl in this hall,

10:52even in this college will accept this phenomena and want to stand for their own.

10:56But don't you think that every parent will curse you after learning this,

11:01that we learnt this, I will tell them that I learnt from you that I will not leave your place,

11:10I will stick here even after marriage.

11:13What do you suggest on this?

11:19See certain things, certain things I can only force myself to imagine.

11:26So I cannot see how a father or a mother can do that.

11:35But I can kind of just by way of fiction imagine.

11:44My father, he never imposed himself on me or my sister.

11:48And my sister lived absolutely the way she wanted to.

11:55She is a very very strong person, very independent minded.

12:01And people call her the man of the house.

12:05So I can only imagine that there can be parents of the kind who can push daughters out of the house.

12:20And that's a very scary imagination.

12:23How can a father or a mother curse the daughter and tell her to marry and get lost.

12:35In that case take a place on rent.

12:38What else?

12:41I mean if your parents don't want to keep you,

12:46try renting a place, what else can I say?

12:50What I am saying is there should be no obligation to go to the husband's place and necessarily stay there and do all those things.

13:08Sir, as you told that we are bound with some society norms.

13:15So is there any, there should be some way that we can explain them because they believe in spirituality and although…

13:25You can ask them these basic questions.

13:28Why do you want to push me out of your house?

13:32Please tell me why must I go?

13:35And if they have a tangible argument, counter that.

13:40If they have no argument and simply say because that's the social custom, then they don't love you.

13:47Then they anyway don't love you.

13:50So then no need to go to the husband's place and also no need to necessarily stay in your father's place where you are unloved and unwanted.

14:02Quit both the places.

14:04The world is a huge opportunity.

14:06Live anywhere, stay anywhere, do whatever is the right work and fly free.

14:13Simple.

14:17Do I just hear people getting excited at the back?

14:21Is it because we are talking of marriage and girls?

14:24Yeah?

14:36Good evening Acharya.

14:59My name is Sourav Prasad.

15:00As we were talking about marriage, I got one question in my mind.

15:05Is kundali matching really needed?

15:07What's the science behind it?

15:09In India, most parents and society reject girl or boy solely on the basis of kundali matching and guna.

15:15Is it right or is it just another fear mongering?

15:19If two persons get married without kundali matching or if guna does not match, are they going to live sadly or any mishap will occur?

15:27Because people say astrology is a science and we believe on the science.

15:32What is your take on this?

15:34You know what is a science, right?

15:36You know when to call something scientific.

15:39If you think all this horoscope and astrology is scientific, go by it.

15:44Do you think there is any science in it?

15:46You know the principles of science.

15:48Are those principles used when you make a horoscope?

15:53Are you using Newton's laws, Kepler's laws, black body radiation, laws of thermodynamics, quantum physics?

16:02What is it that you are using to make or draw that horoscope?

16:08How is it scientific at all?

16:10So what science is there?

16:15Ask yourself.

16:17Also, it's a thing about your marriage, right?

16:23As a young man, I would suppose that you care for love.

16:30Do you care for love or the horoscope?

16:36They say that one mark of love is that it does not care for the future.

16:43Love does not care for the future and the horoscope talks only of the future.

16:51So where there is this kundali matching and all that, how can there be any love?

16:57What's the point in getting into a loveless relationship even if the kundalis match?

17:06All that is quite nonsensical, very loveless, very dry, very sad.

17:15Even in my time, there were a lot of couples in college.

17:21A lot of affairs would bloom.

17:25Most of them were caste compatible.

17:30The boy and the girl would first of all ascertain that the match belongs to an acceptable caste

17:41and only then propose and get into a relationship.

17:47This degree of lovelessness, it's all quite sad.

17:58And then the result of all that is a very wasted kind of life.

18:05You have to spend so many years, decades with someone

18:11and your association with that person itself is based on very dry, very flawed grounds.

18:21How will you live with that fellow all your life?

18:25Avoid.

18:38No part of this recording may be reproduced

18:41without Mooji Media Ltd.'s express consent.

Category

Transcript

Recommended