Get divorced soon || Acharya Prashant, in conversation (2022)

Acharya Prashant

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Transcript

00:00Now Acharyaji, we as human beings living in the worldly world, we spend a lot of our living

00:14life as married people. And I've heard a lot of people not being able to define what is

00:25not working. So they always come and say that, this is something missing. I do not know what

00:29it is, but I'm unable to find happiness in my marriage. And we have also gradually started

00:36moving towards divorce, being an easy exit. Because everybody says you don't have to be

00:43in a toxic relationship. Are there any ingredients of happiness that can lead to a lasting marriage

00:52that works for everyone? Is there anything that works for anybody, let alone marriage?

01:00Is there anything in life that one is happy with? When someone comes and says, I'm not

01:06happy with my spouse. Is this person happy with his car or the walls of his house or

01:13his job or his slippers or his friends or his parents? Is this person happy even with

01:22himself? The problem is not the spouse. The problem is the unrealistic expectation we

01:32cultivate with respect to the institution of marriage. The thing is that if you are

01:37not joyful within, no man or woman can enter your life and turn you joyful. That's not

01:43going to happen. But then popular literature and romantic philosophy and the movies, they

01:51have led us to believe that irrespective of how rotten we are within, some magical person

01:59will enter our life and totally transform it. Now that cannot happen. When this fellow

02:06who does not know why the wife is not able to give him what he wants, comes to us and

02:14he says, this is my condition. I would ask him, is there anything that pleases you? Forget

02:20the wife. Before the wife came to you, you still had already lived for 25-30 years. What

02:30was the quality of your life then? Were you better off? All right, you want to be divorced.

02:36Go ahead. Now tell me, after the divorce, are you contented? You are still not contented.

02:42You are not contented before the marriage. You are not happy after the marriage. In between

02:47there is this mirage called marriage. How is this going to succeed? So, no marriage

02:53can actually ever succeed. The institution of marriage is a very practical thing. We

03:02are animals and if man and woman are not formalized by way of religion and by the way

03:14of law into a relationship, then there is the possibility of utter chaos and total anarchy

03:24and we do not know what would happen to the kids that would be born from that anarchy.

03:29So that's the reason the institution of marriage has existed, prevailed and to a great extent

03:36also succeeded. It has succeeded not because it gives you something spiritual. It has succeeded

03:44because we are animals. Let's be clear about that. The person who enters into your life

03:52or your house does not come to raise you to divine possibilities. That person comes to

03:59you because you do not deserve to lead a single bachelor life. You do not have that

04:05kind of internal discipline and that's something I agree with. When people come and say that

04:13if everybody is living the life of an unmarried person, then the society would just break

04:28down. I think I'll have to agree because we do not deserve to not to marry. To not

04:36to marry is an accomplishment. To not to marry is a status you have to achieve. You are not

04:47born bachelor, you are born married. Bachelorhood is something that you have to earn and achieve.

04:54Then the kid, the two month old kid is actually a married thing because the kid may not be

05:02formally married. The kid may not have one particular wife but the kid is lonely and

05:08always looking for company and the kid has the seeds of lustfulness and blind sexuality

05:17already embedded in his body. In that sense the kid is already married even at the age

05:22of two months. So one has to then become unmarried through the spiritual process and

05:31that is what the scriptures called as taking your second birth, dwij, twice born, born

05:37again. No, that's not born again. That's actually divorced. What you call as taking your second

05:43birth is actually a divorce from the wife that you carry from the mother's womb. What

05:49is the name of that wife that we carry from the mother's womb? Prakriti. So we already

05:53have a wife and all the women already have a husband. Just as we bring wives to the world

05:59when we are born, we are born as twins, we are born as couples. I am born and my wife

06:04is born. Who am I? I am Purush, she is Prakriti. Similarly all women too are born with husbands.

06:11The thing is to get divorced. All spirituality then in some way is the art of successful

06:18divorce. Can you be rightfully divorced? And when you attain that divorce, that divorce

06:30in classical language is called separation between Purush and Prakriti. That divorce

06:36is another name for witnessing or distant observation, observation without involvement.

06:44That's the name of the divorce. So that's you see something quite arduous. All of us

06:55are not even willing to take that challenge up. And since we are not willing to take that

07:02up, therefore we are condemned to get married again. So marriage is a necessary condemnation.

07:14Why? Because marriage you see is just a manifestation of the state you are in right since your birth.

07:24The wife is there but the wife is not visible. The kid is just two months old, so the wife

07:29is not visible. When the kid gets formally married, then the wife becomes visible. Now

07:37you can say there is the wife. But the wife was always there. The wife was in the mind.

07:41The kid was always married. People say I am already in love. It's just that I am looking

07:47for a girl now. That's the condition of most youngsters. Similarly everybody is already

07:55married. It's just that they don't know the face and the name and the body of the wife

07:59and vice versa. You could look at it from a woman's perspective as well and the thing

08:03would remain the same. So you see we have very unclear understanding of marriage and

08:15therefore we have very unrealistic expectations from marriage. We do not know who we are and

08:21therefore we do not know what marriage is. And therefore we raise both, you could say

08:32horrible and hilarious, horrendous and hilarious expectations from marriage. And then we say

08:38oh I am the particularly unlucky one whose wife or husband has not been able to deliver

08:44the goods. Just that the wife or the husband on the other side is saying exactly the same

08:52thing. So when it comes to the spiritual objective, the institution of marriage is not even constructed

09:03to have a spiritual objective. Please be very clear about it. There is nothing called a

09:07soul mate. Nothing called a soul mate. The institution of marriage is a useful one constructed

09:13to give you a body mate. And I am saying it's useful because if the institution of

09:19marriage is not there, then there is indeed a possibility that the animal within us would

09:24run amok. Already people are so fond of peeping into their neighbor's house and if they are

09:33not constrained by religion and law and morality, then you do not know what the restless animal

09:41within us can do. With that understanding, now we will have very tempered and realistic

09:49expectations from marriage. Now we will know that if we are living with a woman, then there

09:55can hardly be any spiritual dimension to this association. She is here, she is here because

10:03I am lustful. She is here because I am lustful. And she has agreed to come to me because she

10:09too is lustful and insecure and lonely. And that's the only reason. Now the moment I say

10:15this, people will bring in the word love. They will say, but what about love? Don't

10:19husband and wife love each other? No sir, they do not. Love is the exclusive domain

10:26of a spiritual mind. And the spiritual mind does not rush to someone of the opposite gender

10:32to seek fulfillment. One basic characteristic of spiritual mind is that it knows that fulfillment

10:39cannot be found in the person of the other, in the body of the other. That the body is

10:45something that you are already carrying. How can another body give you something additional?

10:50Your own body is itself such a problematic thing to carry. How can one more body add

10:58value to your life? So, love is something that really is not a matter between a man

11:10and a woman, a girl and a boy, a hero and a heroine. That's not really love. But just

11:16as we do not know ourselves, we do not know what marriage really is, we also do not know

11:21what love really is. So, in our blind quest for love, we just keep stumbling from one

11:31place to the other, rolling on, stuttering, not knowing a thing, marrying once, marrying

11:43twice, marrying thrice and then becoming a poet. Because now you have enough experience

11:50to beguile and corrupt others. And you can then say so many things, I was a great lover,

11:58it's just that fortune didn't smile at me. And the thing is fundamentally, without a

12:07spiritual basis, one will keep making all kinds of idiotic decisions, pay the price

12:14and still not understand what has gone wrong.

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