Bad Dog_ Guard Dog

Aecionevesuk

12/09/2024

Transcript

00:00Whoa, folks, it's the hottest winter holiday on record since the chemical plant exploded

00:13back in 65.

00:14If you're headed on a weekend ski trip, you better coach yourself in sunblock.

00:21The bare essentials for a day of skiing perfectly balanced.

00:24Is there anything I've forgotten?

00:25Oh, the rest of the family.

00:26Okay, family, you know the drill, mittens on before we get in the car.

00:39But I'm already sweating and wool makes me chafe.

00:42But think of all the extra runs you'll get in by arriving at the mountain prepared.

00:46I'll leave the A.C. on for the whole trip so we won't all get heat rash like last year.

00:51Sorry, pal, you know you can't come skiing with us.

01:00Beck, it may be psychologically easier on Berkeley if you can make him feel that he

01:06is doing something helpful for us by staying behind.

01:10Hey, Penelope, I just thought of something.

01:13I suppose somebody tries to steal Grandpa while we're away.

01:16Or worse yet, what if they try to take something valuable?

01:19Oh, no, I'm sure the insurance would cover most of it.

01:23But Grandpa has so much sentimental value, it would be difficult to replace him.

01:29Calm down, honey, I have an idea.

01:30Hey there, boy, we need you to stay here and be a guard dog.

01:35Wouldn't it be fun to protect the house from scary burglars?

01:41Now go turn on the guard dog channel so you can bone up on your guard dog skills.

01:50Let's run down the checklist one more time.

01:52Frostbite kit.

01:53Check.

01:54Magnetic travel bingo.

01:55Check.

01:56Night vision ski goggles.

01:57Check.

01:58Skis.

01:59Whoops, there's a key omission.

02:00Good morning, and welcome to the guard dog channel.

02:01I'm Warden Jackie.

02:02And this 15 pounds of lean, mean home security machine is Ramon.

02:16We're here to show you how to take a perfectly normal house dog and turn him into a paranoid

02:25psychopath who guards your home from all burglars, both real and imagined.

02:35The first rule for your guard dog is to stay on your toes and look menacing.

02:43The second rule of guard dogging is assume everyone is a burglar.

02:49Trust no one, because many of your most devious burglars will try to gain your trust by posing

02:57as a friend or family member.

03:00Now let's practice.

03:01What's that sound?

03:02Is that a burglar at your door?

03:03Go ahead.

03:04Go psycho.

03:05Whoa!

03:06Huh?

03:07Oh, I get it, pal.

03:18You're being a guard dog.

03:20It's all right.

03:21You can stop now.

03:22It's me, Dad.

03:23And whatever you do, don't fall for his sweet talking.

03:29Just keep going, psycho, until the intruder is either repelled and or hospitalized.

03:36Whoa!

03:37Okay, pal.

03:38I give up.

03:39You win.

03:40Whoa!

03:41If the intruder does gain access to your home, then it is perfectly within your legal

03:52rights to terrorize him.

03:53For starters, I recommend jumping up and down on his spine and following up with a quick

03:59strip search.

04:00Whoa!

04:01Ow!

04:02Ow!

04:03Hey, Von!

04:04What are you doing back from your ski trip?

04:07Help me!

04:10Is that a Hawaiian you're speaking?

04:13Well, I gotta get my beauty sleep.

04:16So, aloha to you.

04:19Whoa!

04:20Whoa!

04:21Whoa!

04:22Let's lock the intruder away in a confined space.

04:26Any place will do.

04:27A basement, an attic.

04:28Whoa!

04:29Whoa!

04:30Really?

04:31Try it.

04:32Whoa!

04:33Whoa!

04:34Whoa!

04:35Whoa!

04:36Whoa!

04:37Whoa!

04:38Whoa!

04:39Whoa!

04:40Whoa!

04:41Whoa!

04:42Whoa!

04:43Whoa!

04:44Whoa!

04:45Whoa!

04:46Whoa!

04:47Yikes!

04:48Nice try, pal, but I've got the skis and I'm off to the slopes.

04:52Now, what did I do with those keys?

04:54Oh!

04:55Oh!

04:56Oh!

04:57What's he doing now?

04:58He seems to be barricading the house.

05:02Okay, we know how much Berkeley likes Christmas, right?

05:06And?

05:07It's obvious, gang.

05:08I'll disguise myself as Santa Claus, plumb it into the house through the fireplace and

05:12steal back the keys to the mansion.

05:14Oh!

05:15Oh!

05:16Vic, I think you're starting to scare the children.

05:20This is no time for us to start doubting one another.

05:23Now, start caroling to set the mood.

05:25Good King Wenceslas, look out.

05:29Come on, where's your darn Christmas spirit?

05:31That's it!

05:32Ho, ho, ho!

05:38The most malleable intruder will try to con his way into your house through the use of

05:45a disguise.

05:46We're utility workers and mailmen, but the most manipulative intruders often disguise

05:52themselves as holiday icons.

05:55Ramone here once repelled a burglar disguised as a Christmas tram.

06:01Ho, ho, ho!

06:03Santa Claus!

06:05Ho, ho, ho!

06:07Merry Christmas, Berkeley!

06:09Did you bring me that dashboard I asked for?

06:13Ho, ho, no.

06:15I never got your list.

06:17Berkeley, this man is an imposter!

06:21I've got the keys.

06:23Nothing can stop us now.

06:29But we'll still be at the mountain in time for the midnight to 3 a.m. ski session.

06:34Whoopee!

06:35Oh, boy.

06:37It's a great day for skiing.

06:39Most local resorts report three to four inches of new powder, so make sure you've got your

06:44snow chains on.

06:45Trev, where are those chains I gave you?

06:48They were all greasy and heavy, so naturally I left them in the basement with all your

06:52other heavy, greasy stuff.

06:55Lack like the night.

06:57If we're lucky, we can still get in a few solid hours of skiing before the kids have

07:01to go back to school.

07:02But first, I need you to put Berkeley to sleep with a soothing lullaby.

07:06More singing?

07:07Why do we always have to sing?

07:09My only song is a lullaby.

07:12More singing?

07:13Why do we always have to sing?

07:15My long johns are riding up.

07:17Okay, I'm going in.

07:21At night, you are at your most vulnerable.

07:24The intruder will use stealth and cunning.

07:27But so must you.

07:29Surprise the burglar.

07:31Yes, I said it, so what?

07:33Burglar!

07:34Burglar!

07:35Burglar!

07:37Dog!

07:40The guard dog channel is currently experiencing technical difficulties.

07:50Must have the stealth of a jungle cat.

07:53What?

08:07If the burglar, I mean intruder, attempts to leave with your property, then attack!

08:15Attack!

08:16Attack!

08:17Whoa!

08:18Whoa!

08:20Whoa!

08:21Ah!

08:23Just dial the number on the screen to reach your local SWAT team.

08:27This warden Jimmy guy is giving me nightmares.

08:31This sounds like a nice change of pace.

08:34A documentary on the history of underpants.

08:38Like the people who wear them, underpants come in all shapes, sizes, and fabrics.

08:43People don't come in fabrics, you moron!

08:48Whoa!

08:49Ah!

08:51Oh, it's daylight.

08:54Now we'll never get to Mount Pleasantville in time to ski.

08:58Bad dog!

09:01Hey, you guys.

09:03I was in the van trying to cut the starter wire so we wouldn't have to go skiing,

09:07and the news guy came on the radio to report a big avalanche at Mount Pleasantville.

09:12They've been digging people out all night.

09:14Yay!

09:15Bucky saved family from avalanche.

09:18You owe him an apology.

09:20I guess I do.

09:21Sorry, pal.

09:22You're a good dog.

09:29I'll play burglar to your guard dog any day.

09:38Hey, pal, come on.

09:39Open the door.

09:40It's me.

09:41Hey, open the door, please.

09:43Hey, catch me.

09:44Please open the door.

09:45Catch the dog.

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