I'm Listeing: honestav

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Viral artist Av Freeman -- better known as honestav -- whose single "I'd Rather Overdose (ft Z)" tackles the topic of addiction within the family unit and has become a massive hit on social media, sat down with us to discuss the importance of having open conversations surrounding mental health.

Transcript

00:00So I think it's so important dude my brother passed away when he was 21 years

00:06old he passed away from a suicide at 21 years old and that's that really opened

00:11my mind up to like I was 15 at the time and I thought he was a grown man and as

00:16I get older I realized I was a kid who had all these things bottled up inside

00:21of him he felt like he was a grown man you know our household wasn't he had to

00:25kind of be an adult you know and he had little brothers to take care of so he

00:29felt like he was a grown man I felt like he was a grown man he treated himself

00:32like a grown man he kept everything in he never talked about anything he died

00:36when he was 21 I'm 26 and my life is just now starting he died when he was 21

00:40um I went whenever my brother passed away I learned that like you got to talk

00:46about things you have to be open just just to give yourself a chance if you

00:50want to give yourself a chance then you gotta you gotta know that like it's okay

00:53to feel how you're feeling and feelings pass through you and and as soon as you

00:57recognize that you know the the torment of insecurities or whatever you're

01:04battling it like it doesn't go away but it's easier to deal with and on the

01:09other hand I watched my father since my since my brother passed away struggle

01:14with the same things and I I was always trying to be more open about my

01:19struggles and I've you know like we just said I'm trying to let my feelings pass

01:23through me and my dad was the complete opposite and you couldn't get him to

01:25talk about anything and he would never open up and if he was sad about

01:29something you just ignored it and if a topic came up that was hard to talk

01:33about you just stopped talking and then my dad eventually committed suicide

01:37himself and those are just two prime examples of it's you know if they were

01:42if my dad was open with the way that he feels and he was talked about it and

01:47people around him made him feel like it's okay to do this it is all like dude

01:52it is all good to not be in the best mental health it is all good to have a

01:56great day on Friday and then wake up on Saturday and be like dang I hate this or

02:00be like like I don't want to be here anymore but then if you give it till

02:03Sunday maybe Sunday you will and then maybe if Sunday you don't maybe Monday

02:06you will and it's like you just keep giving yourself a chance because you

02:09only you can only do that you can only try to give yourself a chance and and

02:14like personally just up front close and center I watched two people not give

02:17themselves a chance they never talked about it and and and my dad definitely

02:21knew how important it was and he still chose not to talk about it and you know

02:25here we are they're passed away and that only hurts the people around you and you

02:30know it doesn't really solve anything it just kind of makes it worse for the

02:33people that have to stay here and you know I'm living in it and you know yeah

02:37dude if I could if I could rewind like like 10 years and 12 years and just

02:41make that my MO tell all my homies like dude like if you're upset be upset and

02:45let's talk about it tell my brothers hey if there's something going on at school

02:49or with your girlfriend or with your mom and dad and you feel like you got

02:52nobody to talk to go home and scream it into the mirror and headbutt the pillow

02:57and you know I mean turn the water on and fucking sing do something and and

03:01just give yourself a chance and then whenever you feel like you can't give

03:04yourself a chance again try to give yourself one more chance and I just it's

03:08just you know and I think that's the only way to try to get through things I

03:10struggle with my mental health daily I'm like in a situation where things are

03:16like going good in my life and I'm like in a position where I can kind of care

03:21for myself for the first time ever and I've always wanted to be a musician and

03:25now it's my job and I still like find myself waking up like struggling some

03:28days the only thing I do is try to give myself a chance I I don't know how to I

03:34wish I had the answer how to be like yo if you're sad this is how you aren't sad

03:38anymore but I don't have the answer and all I know is that I'm trying to do what

03:41my dad and my brother didn't do and when I'm upset I talk about it and if I feel

03:46like I really can't talk about it then I go talk to the mirror about it and you

03:50know it's like I just I just try to give myself a chance that's like really all I

03:54can do you know but it's still hard and I've been finding like a little bit of

03:58success recently and I don't want anybody to think that like success and

04:02money like just takes it away because it doesn't and I've always wanted to be a

04:05singer and I've always wanted people to hear my music and I always thought okay

04:09you know if they hear my music then I'll feel better and if they hear what I got

04:13to say and I don't feel so misunderstood then I'm gonna feel better

04:16and it's that's not the answer and and I think it lies deeper within me and

04:21myself and everybody else struggling I'm still trying to find those answers I

04:24wish I had them like I said if you find the guy that hasn't given my number but

04:29yeah I just try to give myself a chance music saved my life and I hate to be

04:34like the o9 Facebook post that's like you know like saying that but like I'm

04:40not joking you music I think art in general like if I was trying to make it

04:44a wider for everybody to relate art in general is like a place to put your pain

04:49if you have pain and you have you know stuff tormenting you and beating you up

04:54and you don't know where to put it you cannot store it inside of your body you

04:57have to put it somewhere it could be painting it could be writing it could be

05:00poetry it could be singing it could be kickboxing it could be I don't even

05:04care you know I mean it could be anything you want as long as you are

05:07taking the pain and you're taking like the hurt and the stuff that you're

05:10feeling inside that's making you have a tough day and you put it out somewhere

05:15put it give it to back to the universe the universe will take care of it give

05:18it to the universe don't keep it inside and that's what that's what music's done

05:22for me it's like a really good place and you can go listen to a lot of my songs

05:25any of my songs really and at least somewhere in there for a couple of bars

05:30or maybe a verse or a hook you will hear something that I'm recently struggling

05:34with I I really try to put my struggles I try to give them back to the universe

05:38the universe is like the only thing that's gonna have your back and you just

05:40can't bottle it up music has been that outlet for me and I encourage everybody

05:45to find outlet it could be anything

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