00:00 Shay is openly transgender, and I'm actually more in love with her than ever.
00:05 When I was three, I remember understanding what gender roles were for the first time.
00:11 And I had the distinct impression that part of my core identity didn't match up to who others expected me to be.
00:18 Yeah, it's gonna be a crazy journey.
00:22 Hmm, adventure. More like it.
00:26 In 2019, my sense of reality shattered when Shay opened up to me about experiencing gender dysphoria all her life.
00:34 I was shocked because nothing in our life together had pointed towards this or prepared me for this.
00:40 I was at a point in my life where I couldn't do it anymore.
00:44 For me, it was like this feeling of, "This is who I am. Send me to hell."
00:50 And I didn't have anything left.
00:52 My biggest fear is that you wouldn't believe me and that people wouldn't believe me.
00:56 I knew who I was before they did, right?
01:00 And I was transgender before I knew what the word "transgender" was.
01:04 I had been taught that gender and sex were the same thing.
01:08 People fear what they don't understand.
01:11 But to add to that, there's some things people don't even want to try to understand.
01:16 But here's the thing.
01:18 In our particular situation, Shay didn't wake up one day and say, "I'm trans and this is how our life is going to be now."
01:25 When she came out to me four years ago, it was as a cry for help to try to resolve these feelings that she was having without transitioning.
01:34 And then we went through a process of discovery together.
01:38 And in every step of this journey, we've dedicated tons of time to research, therapy, thinking, and frankly, overthinking.
01:50 A lot of times people assume that I've been dragged along in this process, when the truth is that I've been encouraging the steps that Shay's been taking.
01:57 And look, I know I'll never fully understand what it is to be trans, but garnering as much empathy as possible is really important to me.
02:05 So my curiosity is always going to be tuned into that.
02:08 I learned how much of what we consider as "natural" has changed throughout time and has always differed across cultures.
02:16 But a question we commonly get is, "Amanda, are you a lesbian?"
02:21 I haven't really felt the need to put language to how my sexuality works.
02:25 For me, I just love my partner.
02:29 Even though I experienced our marriage in a very heteronormative way for years, now I think of Shay as a woman and I'm attracted to her as a woman.
02:38 I think this indicates that my orientation is somewhat fluid.
02:42 I also feel that it's important to say that I would never criticize someone for making a different choice than me, because I just think that every situation is so different.
02:52 There's various reasons why relationships work or don't work.
02:56 But for Shay and me, we both really wanted to stay together.
03:00 I support my transgender partner because I'm in love with this genuine part of her that continues to emerge.
