DC's Speed Jokes

DC's Speed Jokes

"Pico-Second"

Mark Millar and
Grant Morrison's Flash
(Wallace Rudolph "Wally" West
of New Earth) disabled
Mirror Master's Mirror Gun
in one pico-second.

The Flash v2 # 133
(January, 1998)
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/The_Flash_Vol_2_133

Five years later,
Joe Kelly's Flash ("Wally")
has no time
to disable weapons,
and risked lifes of children
to plow bullets out of the air
because arrorganz to snub
Superman »Schwachmat«!

JLA v1 # 80
(June, 2003)
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/JLA_Vol_1_80

"Femto-Second"

Brad Meltzer's
official moderate mid-tier
DC canon Post-Crisis Superman
(Kal-El of New Earth)
»Schwachmat« can perceive events
that occur for at least
a femto-second ...

Justice League of America
v2 # 10 (August, 2007)
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Justice_League_of_America_Vol_2_10

...
and Jeckie (Sensor Girl) proves
16 frames (3 pages) later,
including spoken sentence,
that a female of Orando
is faster than a femto-second as
a masculine of Krypton on Earth!

Justice League of America
v2 # 10 (August, 2007)
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Justice_League_of_America_Vol_2_10

"Atto-Second"

J. Michael Straczynski's
Flash's (Barry Allen of New Earth)
speed is so immeasurable
that he has moved and reacted
by the attosecond.

Superman v1 # 709
(May, 2011)
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Superman_Vol_1_709

Just one month later,
Geoff Johns' Flash
(Barry) had no time
to move and react
to avoid
ONE electric shock!

The Flash v3 # 10
(June, 2011)
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/The_Flash_Vol_3_10

"Zepto-Second"

Mark Millar and
Grant Morrison's Flash
("Wally") tuned on
every radio on Earth
over the span of
one Septo-Second.

The Flash v2
# 138 (June, 1998)
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/The_Flash_Vol_2_138

Just one issue later,
Mark Millar's Flash
("Wally") had no time
to save his Linda
from one flash!

The Flash v2 # 139
(July, 1998)
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/The_Flash_Vol_2_139

That's why
he calls himself
Flash?

Therewith
in the
history books
will be:
Flash was faster!

He should call himself
Kid Flash again,
because he can't get
to the real Flash!

The Flash v2 # 140
(August, 1998)
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/The_Flash_Vol_2_140

By DC's blossoming
imaginative details
to distributing
fractions of a second,
is Goku's speed
perfectly legitimate,
if he were
a DC trademark:

"Yocto-Second"

Stop, Schwachmat!
I'm your Pre-Crisis-Cousin
from the Future!
Goku will crush you within
ONE YOCTOSECOND!

Just kidding!

He would
crush him
instantly!

Since Goku is said
to be simple-minded
and stupid,
he would believe
what everyone says
that Kal-El is super.

"Super" as
in Super-Saiyajin
he thought
to Schwachmat's
bad luck!

Too many boastful
Superman's members
killed him!

FIGHT GOKU THEY SAID
IT'LL BE FUN THEY SAID

While
All-Star Superman
is smarter!

EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE A
FIGHT BETWEEN ME AND GOKU

BUT IM NOT THAT STUPID,
THAT MOTHERFUCKER WOULD KILL ME