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CinemaJourney
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#CinemaJourney
#Alone

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00:00I'm really at a pivotal point right now.
00:18Start watching around the base.
00:20I want to make sure that my shelter is protected from the elements.
00:24Oof!
00:25Got it.
00:26I'm just going to sit here and wait.
00:28Every day when I wake up, I'm going to plan that day based on my calorie needs.
00:33Nice.
00:34I'm hungry and it just sucks to know that I'm at starvation time where I just sit around
00:40and I don't have anything to eat.
00:43What do you want from me, universe?
00:45Perhaps my purpose here is not to win.
00:49I accept my fate.
00:51Hello, this is Baha.
00:53I am officially tapping out.
00:56Being alone here felt like connecting deeper with my family.
01:01Sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war.
01:05They call this place the land of great thirst.
01:11The Great Kru Desert, South Africa.
01:14We are in one of the most inhospitable places on earth.
01:17Ten participants.
01:18Whoever can stay the longest wins.
01:20It's pretty simple.
01:21I found the baboons.
01:22There's ten of them, but I only have five of them.
01:27This place is dry, dry, dry.
01:30The sun's beating down on you every day.
01:32I'm so tired and I'm so thirsty.
01:34Oh, man.
01:35I really don't feel safe drinking this water.
01:37This is a place to be, if not feared, treated with a lot of respect.
01:42I tase my mind!
01:45Oh, look at the size of that thing.
01:47There's a big herd of wildebeest right there.
01:49Rhino tracks.
01:50Meat.
01:51Back on the menu, boys.
01:52They call Cape Buffalo the Black Death for a reason.
01:55They'll just straight up kill you.
01:56We don't control the game.
01:58Here you go. Bloody.
02:00This is nothing compared to what's coming.
02:02It hurts so much, man.
02:03It's freaking nice.
02:05So the question is, how strong of a mind do you need to have to win this?
02:08Woo!
02:09What the fuck did I get myself into?
02:11Long call night.
02:15The last one attack walked out of here for 500 grand.
02:19This is one of the hardest things that a person can do in their life.
02:22Oh, my gosh.
02:24It's another great day in Africa.
02:33We're gonna rig up another line here.
02:56Eat a piece of jerky.
03:06Good old warthog jerky.
03:11I don't know what I'm gonna do when this is gone.
03:14Starve, I guess.
03:16Try to catch more fish.
03:20That's breakfast.
03:21I'll do the dishes.
03:22You sit down, I'll do dishes.
03:24I'm feeling very tired.
03:27I can tell I'm getting weaker and I need to make sure that I can pull my bow back.
03:31Okay, we're gonna get some water boiled today.
03:33So I'm going to take a few days off of hunting and not burn too much energy.
03:39Slow and easy going, guys.
03:42I don't know what to do, guys, for hunting.
03:45It's hard.
03:48A lot of people thought it was gonna be easy.
03:50There's so much game.
03:52It's gonna be so easy.
03:53We're gonna last forever.
03:56I heard that so many times from half the contestants.
04:01Yeah, there's game, but it's challenging.
04:04Back home, I'm a hunting guide.
04:07I take clients on elk hunts and white-tailed deer hunts.
04:11And we have liftoff.
04:13We're gonna put this right into our water cache.
04:15And then we're gonna do one more to drink for the day.
04:18I'm a great hunting guide.
04:20I've gotten everybody tagged out that has hunted with me so far.
04:24I'm super happy I got a warthog on day two, guys.
04:27I can say I came to South Africa and shot a warthog with a recurve
04:31that I've only been shooting for eight weeks.
04:32I think everybody was underestimating.
04:38I think my shooting.
04:41There are people that have looked at me and they're like,
04:43you're a woman guide?
04:45You're the one gonna take me in the mountains?
04:47It's like, yes, absolutely.
04:48Let's go.
04:49I'll take you hunting.
04:51I get especially excited when I get to take a woman hunter
04:55and just let them be independent without any guys around
05:00and know that they can do it.
05:02That's super rewarding.
05:05Last pot of water for the day.
05:07I want to show that women are stronger than they think they are.
05:11You know, we can keep up in a man's industry.
05:14We are strong enough mentally, physically, emotionally.
05:18So if I were to win, I can prove that. I can show that.
05:22We're done with water. Yay!
05:28Getting kind of chilly.
05:30I think we're gonna bundle up and work on some dreamcatchers.
05:34Just gonna find some lube bush twigs.
05:39The night before I flew out, my cousin called me.
05:42He and his wife had a baby named Eleonora,
05:45and they asked if I wanted to be her godmother.
05:48How cool is that?
05:51And I'm gonna make her a dreamcatcher.
05:54And hopefully that'll give her courage to strive to do whatever she wants in life.
06:00Let's go.
06:02Hopefully they can hang it up in her bedroom.
06:04Let's go make some dreamcatchers.
06:05I was talking to my aunt Noca before I came out here, and my aunt goes,
06:11your grandma would be proud.
06:15My grandma passed away, and she was like the ultimate homesteading hunter-gatherer.
06:23She hunted her own deer, bear, just one tough woman.
06:30So tough.
06:32Coyote hunting well into her old age.
06:36Never gave up.
06:37She'd be like, you got food, water, and shelter, you're fine.
06:42That's what she would say.
06:43And I agree with her.
06:44I have food, water, and shelter, so I'm fine.
06:47She'd be proud that I made it here and that I'm doing so far as well as can be.
06:54Oh, I can't wait to give this to Eleonora.
06:59Here we go.
07:00This is for my godchild.
07:01You guys, I super hope she likes it.
07:05And I hope that this represents that her dreams are endless.
07:10Nobody will hold her back and she can be a strong, independent woman.
07:14And I hope that I can inspire her.
07:31I want to get hunting today.
07:42But I need to eat.
07:50So I'm just eating.
07:53What I can.
08:02I'm losing faith in the fishing, to be honest.
08:07So in the absence of meat protein, I'm trying to have enough food every day to keep going.
08:15I'm going to have to go really slow today.
08:22Sorry I don't crash my energy.
08:25But I know that there's an expiration date on being on a survival trip and only eating plant food.
08:32So hopefully something will shift.
08:35Okay.
08:37Whew.
08:39I'm off with my bow to see what's possible today.
08:47So this will be interesting, my hunting strategy today.
08:51I'm just going to see if I can evade being seen by these amazing animals.
08:58God, they're so cluey.
09:01But I'm starting to be able to really see the water buck on the hill.
09:05They've always got the upper hand because they're on the hillside.
09:10So the focus is, sit and wait and hope that I can get an opportunity to take a shot.
09:16Fingers crossed the strategy works.
09:18So basically, water buck, they come across the mountain from east to west.
09:33The wind is coming along like this.
09:35That's good.
09:37So I'm just going to sit here in a little hidey hole.
09:40See what happens.
09:49Look at this beautiful place.
09:52But no water buck.
09:54Or any animals.
09:56Anywhere near me.
10:00But it's tough, man.
10:03But we're headed home.
10:05Come on, where are you guys?
10:07Bye, guys.
10:37There's something going on with those baboons over there.
10:45Can you hear them?
10:47Whoa.
10:49Just a little bit.
10:50Whoa.
11:00I don't know.
11:01Just a little bit.
11:13Holy smokes!
11:14There's a bunch of them. There's like at least 20.
11:21Oh, a mission. Look at them moving.
11:24Like they're a gang ready to come beat me up.
11:29They better stay on their side. West side story.
11:35Whoa.
11:37I don't have my bow. I have bear spray. That's all I have.
11:41Holy smokes, there's even more coming. Jesus.
11:47There's a crap ton. There's probably like 35, 40 now.
11:53Holy smokes, they keep coming, crust.
11:57They're getting ballsy. And they need to stay away.
12:02Hey! Hey!
12:06Get! Get out of here! Go!
12:11I don't need 60 of them coming, bombarding my camp.
12:16No, thank you.
12:22Calm down.
12:24I just need a walk.
12:27It's getting warm up.
12:30I'm going to my lookout and see what we see.
12:31Sitting in the sun on my lookout rock puts me in a great mood.
12:38It gives me mental clarity.
12:40And I just feel so much better being in the open space
12:44rather than being cooped up at my shelter.
12:51I wonder how everybody else is doing with the baboons.
12:54I wonder how I can get out of here.
12:59What is that?
13:02Guys, look.
13:06Rhino.
13:08Right there.
13:11So cool.
13:13Wow.
13:14oh my gosh guys look there's two more looks like a mom and a baby oh that's amazing
13:26you guys it's a three rhino kind of day sweet super sweet this makes me feel strong you know
13:36rhino strong because of the rhinos these rhinos have me jacked up guys
13:42there they go bye rhinos come back again
13:49head back to camp and make sure the baboons are not messing with our stuff that would be devastating
13:59the good news guys i still see my stuff so baboons have not
14:11came and taken it let's go fishing
14:15so i found this weird beetle
14:25and we're going to try to use them as a top water bait
14:29i don't know
14:33there's a whole beetle in there we'll find out
14:37you know it works or it doesn't
14:39i am a little disappointed in the fishing
14:44i can't catch anything it's like the fish have just stopped fighting
14:49emotionally it's been a roller coaster and i know i'm hard on myself
14:56i'm very competitive there we go i'll judge myself first over anybody
15:02be a great day to be horseback riding
15:06back in the little burrow in the mountains
15:09he'd love it here
15:10oh fish just swirled right over there he needs to come over here
15:16i remember a time i did the trainer incentive challenge
15:22everybody gets a burrow wild untouched
15:25you have 90 days to train it and then you go and compete with it
15:28i got a burrow badger
15:30i had him doing everything in three days
15:32leading crossing bridges loading in and out of trailers
15:35where everybody else could barely get a halter on him
15:37this just swirled right there
15:39come over here why aren't you guys swirling here
15:42we get to competition day one and i bombed
15:45badger laid down he reared up he refused to get in the trailer
15:50he refused to do anything
15:51he was just having an off day
15:53and i'm like there's no winning it now
15:55i feel like that something would nail this bug sooner
15:58well we came back and then we blew it out of the water
16:02we won grand champion me in that burrow
16:05and i have adopted him and he's the best
16:07i'm shocked that nothing's wanting to come bite this
16:12but you gotta stay strong
16:14stay positive
16:15and so the lesson is to think about what's in front of me
16:20and not what's behind me
16:21all right well i think we're done
16:26you tried little bug
16:28i'm not giving up
16:33we'll get there
16:34remember rhino's strong
16:36you got this
16:39oh god
16:53the burn tracks
16:54those slutty baboons
17:03when i was out hunting
17:05they were cruising through
17:07and um
17:09my lovely wallaby hat has gone
17:12taking things like that
17:15get cranky with them
17:17little buggers
17:18all right
17:21i need to go forage
17:23so i'm just gonna shut my shelter up
17:26make sure that doesn't happen again
17:29down this comes
17:32here we go
17:39lock safe
17:42away from those maniac baboons
17:46where would they have taken my hat
17:50back to their
17:51lair
17:53god
17:56anyway that's as
17:58locked up as it gets right now
18:01all righty
18:03heading out
18:05out here
18:07the calories in calories out
18:10is a very real factor
18:12it's a mint patch
18:14so even if i'm not eating protein
18:17i want to eat every day
18:18and so plants are really critical
18:20for me
18:21look i've got lots of
18:23foraged greens
18:26wormwood
18:28cabbage
18:29and mint
18:30and this is also where the grass seeds work
18:34here they are
18:37i can process a little bit of grains
18:41plant food
18:42particularly wild plants
18:44have a very very high nutritional content
18:46much higher than say a lettuce
18:48that you buy from the shops
18:49and it just feels good
18:52i've got enough for tonight
18:54good
18:54i'm gonna have a look and see if there's anything else around here
18:57this is a very very arid environment
19:01and there's not a lot of plant food
19:03but one of the things i like to look for in environments is
19:07all the spaces in between
19:09things that most people miss
19:11very weird
19:13oh they're in the clay
19:16so i'm using its potential as much as i can
19:19come on
19:20ouchy bit
19:21there we go
19:24bizarre
19:27i think they're growing right there
19:29but i won't reject it
19:31oh i'm gonna make it dinner
19:33back we go
19:35this looks yummy
19:42this could be a rockin
19:45rockin veggie thing
19:47i think when we're talking about hunger
19:54and the potential for starvation
19:56on the show
19:57we're really talking about food security
19:59i'm fascinated to see
20:02what these little seeds taste like
20:04and i've dealt with the psychology
20:08of poor food security quite a few times
20:11particularly in arnhem land
20:12where indigenous people
20:14just don't anymore have access
20:16to enough traditional bush foods
20:19because their environment's been destroyed by feral animals
20:22and their health is suffering
20:23because they're eating western food
20:25mmm yum
20:27like roasted sesame seeds or something
20:31it's a threat to your whole nervous system
20:34and your sense of safety on country
20:37when you don't have enough food
20:38and then probably the best thing to do with it is
20:43put water in it
20:46soak overnight
20:48and eat in the morning like a mealy porridge
20:51and ultimately i feel like
20:54the real edge on this show
20:56is about understanding
20:57how to feed yourself consistently
20:59oh that's nice
21:02well it's early
21:29been out fishing for a couple hours already
21:32and i had success
21:34first off
21:36there's this guy
21:41it's a lot of meat
21:44that is super exciting for a hungry person
21:47love it
21:50look at this
21:52cut that on a small catfish
21:55still on the hook
21:58right there
21:59two for one
22:01a little catfish
22:02ate that scorpion
22:05got on the hook
22:06big catfish came to eat the little catfish
22:09and luckily also got on the hook
22:12well with that i've got quite a bit of meat
22:16seems like the fishing here is on again off again
22:22but i feel like the momentum's back
22:25i've been successful really early in the mornings
22:27and then at night
22:29so i feel like i'm unlocking the code to catching these fish
22:34this fish is dead that's just the nerves
22:37and i thought i couldn't use catfish meat
22:41to fish for other catfish
22:42but apparently i can
22:43i'm gonna go get this one in the pot
22:49and then come back and finish up
22:50catching these fish
22:52really makes me feel optimistic
22:54about moving forward with my shelter
22:56and hopefully i can keep the momentum
22:58and continue to bring in this catfish
23:01game plan right now is to go eat
23:05see how this fish is coming along
23:09when you're not getting food
23:12and you're concerned about getting food
23:14that weighs on you
23:15pretty significantly
23:16full pot of catfish
23:19that's a beautiful sight
23:20and then when you do get food
23:22it feels so good
23:23and you feel so confident
23:25that you're gonna be able to make this
23:27and it's gonna work
23:27time to eat
23:29this is a pattern that our ancestors lived through
23:33on a regular basis
23:34the feast and famine mode of living
23:37and it's not just physical
23:40it's also mental
23:41and i can really see that
23:43i can't describe how delicious it is
23:47while i'm out here
23:51i think about the writings of the stoics
23:54all the time
23:55which was taught to me really clearly
23:58by my mother
23:59i need to slow down a little bit
24:01that was hot
24:02specifically the concept that
24:05when we face a challenge
24:08rather than focusing on
24:11how terrible that might be
24:12recognizing within that obstacle
24:15is a pathway forward
24:17that obstacle
24:19becomes the path
24:20the easiest example to point to
24:23is the catfish
24:24they were breaking my lines
24:26stealing my hooks
24:27it was a big obstacle
24:28but it also became the way
24:30those big fish
24:32are my main food source
24:34i'm full
24:35i'm full
24:36lunch in there
24:37still
24:38in the moment
24:40it doesn't always seem that way
24:42but when you look back
24:43you realize
24:44that those obstacles in your life
24:46brought about
24:47important things for you
24:49and often led to solutions
24:51that had much better outcomes
24:53than if that obstacle
24:54wasn't there in the first place
24:56you guys
25:15if you're having a bad hair day
25:17i don't want to hear about it
25:20seriously
25:24stop complaining about your hair
25:27because
25:27look at this
25:29mess
25:31oh my gosh
25:33yeah i know it's a mess
25:37thank you for letting me know
25:38geese
25:39the geese think they're so funny
25:42all right now
25:43i'm gonna put it back in a ponytail
25:45okay
25:49hair's done for the day
25:53let's get ready
25:59we're going hunting
26:00we have to get a warthog guys
26:02wish us luck
26:03fishing is not working
26:04i'm not catching anything
26:06so today i'm going hunting
26:07it is super important
26:10to hunt
26:11as many days as i can
26:12before there's the day
26:13where i can't pull my bow back
26:15i'm giving it my all
26:17i'm finding the grit inside
26:18and pushing
26:19the sun feels good
26:21people don't look at women
26:24the same way they look at men
26:25i want to break down barriers
26:27for female hunters
26:28and female guides
26:29i do feel like i can inspire
26:32more women
26:33by being here
26:34gotta stop and take a break
26:37going uphill
26:39no freaking way
26:50i see a warthog
26:51way the f down there
26:52oh my god
26:54oh my god
27:01jesus
27:02i don't know where
27:03this one is going to go
27:04on the biggest
27:05okay look at it
27:06i have to drop down though
27:08i have to
27:09because they're not going to go up here
27:11oh shoot it
27:13i'm going to lose it for a little bit
27:16we just got to wait
27:27now she's coming back
27:34this way
27:34you're straight up
27:39he's looking at it for a new weapon
27:59the wind
27:59I shot low.
28:28He ran off.
28:29I missed my shot.
28:34I can't draw my bow back all the way to my anchor point.
28:38This might be our last day hunting.
28:51It's not really ethical to keep hunting if I can't pull it back.
28:57Oh, man.
28:58I can't pull it back all the way.
29:02I get to about here, and I need another inch or two.
29:06It's devastating.
29:12I'm trying not to break down, but I'm going to...
29:16because there's just no way around it.
29:22No sense in holding it in.
29:23It just makes things worse.
29:24I am here to push my limits.
29:28I'm not here to just give up when it gets hard.
29:34I'm going to push.
29:34So I know that I gave it everything I had.
29:40And there's nothing left to give.
29:42I ask myself, do you have food?
29:47Do you have water?
29:48Do you have shelter?
29:49Yes, yes, yes.
29:51Then you're fine.
29:52Get over it.
29:53I'm going to end.
30:06Oh, my God.
30:06I'm getting out.
30:07We're all going to be a little bit.
30:08We're all going to be a little bit.
30:10I know that I'm going to be a little bit.
30:12We're all going to be a little bit.
30:13I'm going to be a bit.
30:14I'm going to go hunting, I think those grass seeds really had a bit of extra oomph in them
30:29because I don't feel quite so taxed today.
30:33I can hear animals.
30:48They don't hear you.
30:52The mom and the dad and the babies.
30:58I'm trying to follow them.
31:04Oh god, they've just gone up me.
31:28I've gone that way now into that brush which is really impenetrable.
31:35I just couldn't get a clear shot.
31:39It would have been like a 50 yard shot.
31:42There's no way I could have made it.
31:45Basically I missed a great opportunity to get a piggy.
31:52But it's a great encouragement.
31:56It feels like it's possible after today.
31:59I just need to trust it's all going to be okay.
32:04This whole thing is like a life parallel.
32:09This adventure in South Africa, at its core there's a sense of a spiritual quest.
32:15I mean I did a lot of vision quests in my life.
32:18Head back to the shelter.
32:20And I've learned that transformation often involves loss.
32:24Losing part of yourself in order to grow.
32:27And those lessons really helped me when I gave birth.
32:32That experience really taught me that women are just heroes.
32:37Plant food soup again tonight.
32:42Hopefully tomorrow's a different story.
32:45I mean what we endure in childbirth is quite something.
32:50It does literally feel at one point like you will die.
32:54I've got these little sedge, little sedge plant today.
33:00And then you pick them apart and you kind of just get this little,
33:04it's not much, it's just like a little white bit.
33:08But I realised what died in me was my young woman.
33:14And that death was critical so that I could become a mother.
33:20And even though I've struggled here,
33:23the energy of the quest keeps me on track with my purpose.
33:29Ooh yeah, survival stew.
33:33And while I'm experiencing the loss of that long 20 year relationship,
33:39I'm initiating a new phase of independence as a woman.
33:45And so I know to trust in the challenges, the grief, the pain,
33:52as unlocking your power.
33:55That's been one of the most profound threads in all of this journey.
34:03It's crazy.
34:04I don't have enough food.
34:06But I'm alright.
34:08I'm eating a big breakfast today.
34:35I only have one meal left after this one.
34:40And I'll be out of fish again.
34:51Oh, that was a good breakfast.
34:54Oh.
34:57I'll go get started on the rock shelter.
35:00I've got two fishing lines out this morning already.
35:05I can keep an eye on both of them while I'm working on the shelter.
35:11For now, I'm going to stick around camp.
35:13I don't think I'm going to hunt for a while now.
35:15Just focus on catching more fish, getting it out to dry,
35:19and getting the shelter built.
35:21I do want to be able to stand up in the shelter.
35:25So I'm going to go on up a little higher,
35:28but I'm going to switch to a different kind of stone.
35:34There is another source of stone.
35:36It's a metamorphic rock.
35:38It looks like it's a slate that's been under a lot of heat and pressure.
35:42It's further away, but it's flatter, more sheer surfaces,
35:47which make it a little easier to stack.
35:53Today I'm going to work on finishing the stonework.
35:57See if I can get that done.
35:58I admit, just from a calorie perspective,
36:08this shelter is overkill for this game.
36:12But it's something I want to do.
36:14Certainly getting food is the priority,
36:16but I think I can do this without threatening my length of stay.
36:21This season might go really long,
36:23and so to spend energy to make this shelter
36:26I think will pay off over time.
36:29I'm going to sleep really comfortable and warm,
36:31so I won't burn calories as much.
36:34If I can continue to catch fish,
36:36I don't see any reason why I can't stay here indefinitely.
36:56Oh my gosh.
36:59Oh my gosh.
37:01Oh, my gosh.
37:29Oh, my gosh.
37:31Damn it.
37:38One weak spot is all it took.
37:41Not good.
37:45I know exactly where that weak spot was, too, and I was ignoring it.
37:53Good price, should have gone back when I saw it.
37:59Sorry.
38:01When I built that section of that corner, I used stone that I shouldn't have.
38:09The footage of the devastation from this side.
38:12I remember laying that spot and thinking I should take it apart when I do it.
38:18I had breakfast big time.
38:22Missing that corner.
38:24It's in a very fragile state, and more of this wall can easily collapse.
38:30I feel like I can't recover from this.
38:33It's lost its integrity.
38:36It's over and done.
38:39I need to reassess, and in the calorie game, is it worth it at this point?
38:48It's a lot of calories, can't keep that up.
38:52I'm going to get fish again, so I'm going to go check on my fish pulls.
39:01If you're not getting enough calories, that affects not just your energy level, but it affects
39:07your mental health and your mental game.
39:10If you're not taking care of that calorie need, a lot of other issues are going to come up.
39:17So I just check my fishing lines, and I've got snags.
39:26Two snagged hooks.
39:27I can't afford to lose those, so I'm going to dive for them.
39:36I've learned through experience that the things I value the most, the times that I've had the
39:41most growth, usually connected to some form of struggle.
39:48One of the greatest gifts that our parents gave to us was the opportunity to do difficult
39:54things, to not rescue us from them.
40:04Got it.
40:08In difficult times, we're seen as an opportunity for growth rather than as a negative thing.
40:15Okay.
40:16Time to get hook number two.
40:19Going on a 50-mile hike with the Boy Scouts and having blisters on my feet, feeling the pain,
40:26but then arriving at our final destination and having accomplished that was deeply satisfying.
40:35Snagging between rocks that are too big to move.
40:39I don't think you can be truly happy and feel the depth of happiness unless you've also suffered.
40:45Those two things, they coexist.
40:48I got the rock to move, but it cut the line.
41:02I lost one of the hooks, and certainly it's been a struggle for me.
41:13I have deep admiration for everybody who has ever been on The Alone Show.
41:19I think they're courageous.
41:20It takes a tremendous amount of courage to go and do this.
41:25To put yourself out there in the public eye, to go through an experience where you're going
41:31to burn yourself down, you know, psychologically and physically, and let the whole world see
41:36you go through that process, that takes a lot of courage.
41:39And there's a high risk of failure with that, but struggle is important.
41:47And success is possible.
41:49Sometimes it just takes time that you persist to keep trying.
41:52So that's what I'm going to do, just keep trying.