- ayer
A hippie disk jockey called the Groovy Guru (played by guest star Larry Storch) seeks to control the minds of teenagers through his radio show. This is a parody of the German folktale and Robert Browning's poem "The Pied Piper of Hamelin."
In 1997, TV Guide ranked this episode #67 on its list of the 100 Greatest Episodes.
In 1997, TV Guide ranked this episode #67 on its list of the 100 Greatest Episodes.
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TVTranscripción
00:00Grateful Dead are alive and living in Beverly Hills.
00:19Simon and Garfunkel fell off the Tallahatchie Bridge, age in 86.
00:24I'm hip, courier 12.
00:26Did you get the information about the groovy guru?
00:28Enough here for the fuzz to peel and freeze.
00:31Huh?
00:32Square city.
00:34You know, enough to put him away for life.
00:36You expect me to walk down the street carrying this?
00:40That outfit will notice.
00:42Yes, well, do you really think that standard courier procedures are necessary here?
00:48We've heard there are purse snatchers in the area.
00:51Here's the key.
00:53Yes, well, I wouldn't want to lose this.
00:55The chief says this is a very important case.
00:57Someone's coming.
00:58Quick, emergency park procedure, R-17.
01:11Must have gone the other way.
01:12Eh, yes.
01:13Well, why don't we wait for him to turn around?
01:16Back up, baby.
01:17You're steaming up my shades.
01:18Oh, yes.
01:20Well, I better get this back to the chief.
01:22I'm going to split.
01:23Tell him, man.
01:24Eh, no thanks.
01:25I just ate.
01:34Oh, yes.
01:35Groovy guru?
01:36Well and wonder.
01:38Everything's cool.
01:39Purse with bomb, handcuffed to square's wrist.
01:42Crazy.
01:43In 30 minutes, control headquarters is going to turn into a freakout.
01:47Crazy.
01:52Mission accomplished, chief.
01:54Good work, Max.
01:55No problems?
01:55No problems at all.
01:57Smooth as glass.
01:59Except for a few mashers.
02:00Well, chief, I guess we really got the goods on the groovy guru this time.
02:03You bet your sweet life we do.
02:05I got enough in here to blow this case wide open.
02:09Say, listen, chief.
02:10Aren't all our new watches electric?
02:12That's right, Max.
02:13They're battery-operated.
02:14Well, that's strange.
02:14For the last half hour, I've been hearing the funniest tick.
02:18Max!
02:20Don't tell me there's a bomb in my purse.
02:22There's a bomb in your purse.
02:24I asked you not to tell me that.
02:29I'll call the bomb squad.
02:30Yes, chief, you do that.
02:31I'm dying to see them in action.
02:38The bomb is handcuffed to him.
02:44The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:14The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:15The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:16The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:17The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:18The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:19The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:20The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:21The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:22The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:23The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:24The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:25The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:26The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:27The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:28The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:29The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:30The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:31The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:32The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:33The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:34The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:35The bomb is handcuffed to him.
03:36Oh, poor Max.
03:54He was one of the best, 99.
03:56Chief, 99.
04:00How?
04:01It's really quite simple, Chief.
04:03When I fell down the chute, the purse ripped apart and the bomb fell out.
04:11Oh, Max, thank heavens you're all right.
04:14Yes, well, I'll tell you one thing.
04:16If Chaos paid more than $1.98 for this purse, they were robbed.
04:21It's obvious the groovy guru is trying to kill us all.
04:26Yes?
04:27Chief, they've just picked up two more of them.
04:29I was afraid of this.
04:31Send them in.
04:33Here they are, Chief.
04:45They're gone, Max.
04:46Well, they can't have gone too far, Chief.
04:48They left their ignitions on.
04:50That was some kind of trance, Chief.
04:52Dozens of kids all over town have suddenly gone into a trance.
04:55I know it's the groovy guru.
04:57Oh, come on, Chief.
04:58You've got to be kidding.
04:59Nobody takes that act seriously.
05:01Oh, no?
05:02You are moving and grooving with the groovy guru.
05:07That sound is out of sight.
05:09Right?
05:10Okay, kids.
05:11Stop dancing for a minute.
05:13After my next top-of-the-pop selection, I'm going to fill you in on my nationwide TV special tonight.
05:20When you're all going to get the big, big message.
05:24Now, more groovy sounds.
05:26You see what I mean?
05:30The kids do whatever the guru tells them.
05:32What's that about a TV special, Chief?
05:34That's what scares me, 99.
05:37The groovy guru is going on national television.
05:40Now, at least 10 million teenagers will be watching him.
05:43Now, do you have any idea how much damage 10 million teenagers can do to this country?
05:48I thought they had already done it.
05:51They're mild and peaceful now.
05:53But we don't know what the big, big message is.
05:56Max the guru must be stopped.
05:58Don't worry, Chief.
05:58Have I ever failed you?
06:03Now, have I failed you recently?
06:06How about today?
06:07I've got something for you at Dr. Steele's lab.
06:10At first, I want to tell 99 what her instructions are.
06:27Chaos would never guess that Control's lab is hidden backstage at the Follies of the night.
06:31Yes, and that one of their featured dancers is our top chemist, Dr. Steele.
06:35It's a perfect front.
06:37Doc's not bad either, Chief.
06:40Chief, 86, I'll be with you in a minute.
06:43Just take your time, Dr. Steele.
06:46Max, maybe we'd better wait back at the lab.
06:49Don't be ridiculous, Chief.
06:50It's our duty to stay here and see that Dr. Steele doesn't lose our cover.
06:55Figuratively speaking, of course.
06:59I'm almost finished.
07:02Do whatever you want, dear.
07:04Max, maybe we'd better wait in the lab.
07:07Those are the pills, Agent 86.
07:16I'll just go ahead and change for my next number.
07:19I don't understand why I have to take a pill to tell a lie.
07:23Max, two of our best agents worked on the Groovy Guru case and both have disappeared.
07:27What happened today proves they've been talking.
07:29Yes, well, you know I wouldn't talk, Chief.
07:31What if they torture you?
07:33Hmm?
07:34What if they torture you?
07:35Oh, torture.
07:36Well, I can stand the pain if they can stand the screaming.
07:39You know, I don't believe the guru uses torture.
07:45It's my theory that he's developed a subtle but incredibly effective method of extracting information.
07:51That's why I invented those pills to make you lie.
07:54I call them gay deceivers.
07:57Yes.
07:58Well, Dr. Steele, tell me, how long does it take these pills to work?
08:01Oh, instantaneously.
08:02And my tests in my laboratory prove that they last up to 15 minutes.
08:08Choo!
08:09Gesundheit.
08:09Oh.
08:10Are you catching cold?
08:11Yes.
08:12You know it's the fifth cold I've had this year.
08:15I don't understand it.
08:16I don't understand it either.
08:19Why don't you come over to my apartment tonight?
08:21I've got some wonderful nose drops.
08:27Um, hello?
08:29Yes, yes, he's here.
08:31Chief, it's for you.
08:31Oh, thank you.
08:33Oh, there's the chief speaking.
08:35Oh, hello, 99.
08:37Good.
08:38Yes, Max has the pills, the lie pills.
08:41Oh, fine.
08:43He'll meet you right outside.
08:45Well, good luck, Max.
08:4699 thinks she knows what happened to the missing agents.
08:49She's waiting for you outside.
08:50Now, you two are to go to the guru's temple.
08:53Anything wrong, Max?
08:54No, no, no.
08:55Nothing at all, chief.
08:58Max, this is a big case.
09:00If you crack it, I'll see to it that you get a substantial raise.
09:04I don't want a raise, chief.
09:06The privilege of working for a dedicated man like you is all the reward I need.
09:11Max?
09:21Max?
09:21The name is Fred.
09:22Oh, Max, this is no time for jokes.
09:24We've got to find the guru's temple.
09:26Call a cab.
09:27There are no taxis around here.
09:29But, Max...
09:30The name is Fred.
09:31Where to, buddy?
09:48I'm not going anywhere.
09:50Max!
09:51Fred.
09:52And I'm not in your cab, buddy.
09:54Are you looking for trouble?
09:56Yes, I certainly am.
09:58But what are you doing?
10:00He's a wise guy.
10:03Chum, how would you like a punch in the nose?
10:07I'd love it.
10:08Okay.
10:10Out.
10:12Good.
10:13Thanks.
10:13Max, please.
10:28Why are you doing this?
10:30Look, buddy.
10:31I don't want to slug you.
10:33I'm bigger than you.
10:34Oh, really?
10:35Well, I happen to be six foot eight and a linebacker for the Green Bay Packets.
10:39Go ahead.
10:40Slug me.
10:40I want you to.
10:44Please don't fight with him.
10:45He doesn't know what he's doing.
10:47Just you keep out of this, 99.
10:49Had enough?
10:50No.
10:51I'd like a little more.
10:57Oh, Max.
10:59Max, the lie pill.
11:14You took a lie pill.
11:15I did not.
11:16All right.
11:16Would you like to kiss me right now?
11:17I certainly would.
11:19You took a lie pill.
11:20Did you like that?
11:25No.
11:40This must be the place, 99.
11:41Right, Max.
11:42First, let's make sure that the lie pill's worn off.
11:44Who are you?
11:45Are you kidding?
11:46That's a silly question.
11:47I'm Maxwell Smart, Control's Triple Threat Agent, and the idol of millions of kids from
11:52eight to 80.
11:53Good.
11:53It's worn off.
11:56Now, for the first lesson in self-realization and inner knowledge, the contemplation of the
12:05navel, your own navel, please.
12:19Yes.
12:22Who knows which existence is ours?
12:25Last night, I dreamed I was a butterfly.
12:29Today, am I a butterfly?
12:32Dreaming I'm a man?
12:33Hmm?
12:34Hmm?
12:36Hmm?
12:38Contemplate, my children.
12:41I will speak to the guru and return shortly.
12:4799, something's wrong here.
12:50That girl isn't a hippie.
12:51She's a chaos agent.
12:52I saw her picture in the files.
12:54That proves that the guru is linked to chaos.
12:56Yes.
12:57Well, we'll just have to keep up with this foolishness until we get a chance to see the
13:00guru.
13:01Max, I don't think it's foolishness.
13:03I've been getting to tingle all over.
13:05Me too.
13:06My feet are asleep.
13:08How are your contemplations progressing?
13:11Um, I see doves flying across a blue sky.
13:15Uh, I see boats sailing across a peaceful sea.
13:20You must have a widescreen navel.
13:23The guru will see you now.
13:25Follow me.
13:26Okay.
13:26Okay.
13:26What kind of room is this?
13:49It is a room from which there is no escape.
13:52But we just came to meditate with a groovy guru.
13:55Tell your bird to cool it, smart.
13:57We heard your conversation in the other room.
13:59There was a crazy little listening device concealed in the carpet.
14:03The old bug in the rug trick, and we fell for it.
14:08We are about to fall again.
14:11Bug!
14:12Bug!
14:12Bug!
14:13Bug!
14:13Bug!
14:13Bug!
14:14Bug!
14:15Bug!
14:15Bug!
14:16Pug!
14:16That woman!
14:16足 of fire Kann
14:19Oh, my God.
14:49Are we?
14:50You will dig in a minute, Lady Fuzz.
14:53Your search is ended.
14:58It's the Groovy Guru.
15:00You are hip, Agent 86.
15:02Welcome to the Temple of Meditation and Inner Peace.
15:07Temple, eh?
15:08Looks more like Chaos Headquarters to me.
15:10Right again.
15:11You're getting down to the nitty-gritty, baby.
15:14Oh, really?
15:15Well, you forgot about one thing, my friend.
15:17This!
15:19Bulletproof glass!
15:22Oh, relax, Max.
15:24Don't get uptight.
15:25My bag is putting out sound, real mind-bending stuff.
15:29That's why them Chaos cats cut me in on the action.
15:33And now meet the swingers who are going to turn on 10 million TV-watching teeny boppers.
15:38Go, babies!
15:39The sacred cows!
16:01Of course!
16:03The sacred cows!
16:05Of course it's the sacred cows!
16:06It has to be the sacred cows!
16:08Who else could it be but the sacred cows?
16:10One question, 99.
16:12What's that, Max?
16:12Who are the sacred cows?
16:13They're the hottest rock'n'roll group in the country, Max.
16:16Of course.
16:17The sacred cows.
16:22Yeah.
16:23With my electronic sound control fed into the amplifier, the swinging sounds ain't just hip.
16:29They are hypnotizing!
16:31They are hypnotizing!
16:31This!
16:39The missing control agents!
16:41How awful!
16:43You said it.
16:44They're terrible dancers.
16:45As you can see, their minds are grooved in my wavelength.
16:52One word from me, they'd wipe out their own grandmas.
16:55Okay, cats.
16:56Freeze the sounds.
17:03Tonight, all of Television Land's teenagers are going to be on my wavelength.
17:08And when I say go, they are going to attack all the squares of the establishment.
17:14You dig?
17:15And scooby-dooby-doo, chaos walks right in and take over.
17:20Yes, well, you're not dealing with teenagers here, Guru.
17:23Control will never let you get to those kids.
17:26Correction.
17:27Correction, Fuzz.
17:28You, too, are going to stop control once I tune you in and take over your minds.
17:34Okay, boys.
17:35From the top.
17:45You're wasting your time, Guru.
17:50I've trained my mind to go completely blank any time I wanted to.
17:55That's right.
17:56You can do that.
17:56You won't speak too soon.
18:00You ain't hard to lyrics yet.
18:01Drill, thrill, thrill, thrill.
18:06Kill, kill, kill.
18:09Make the scene.
18:13Knock off the deed.
18:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:17Max, quick.
18:29I'm weakening.
18:30The live hills.
18:31I only have one left, 99.
18:34We'll break it in half, Max.
18:35Right.
18:35Okay, cats, come on.
19:05All right, smart, cool it.
19:10Now you're going to destroy control.
19:12But for a starter, shoot the chick.
19:16With what?
19:17A gun.
19:18A gun in your hand.
19:20What gun?
19:21This isn't a gun.
19:22This is my nephew's rubber duck.
19:25Don't you try putting me on, Jim.
19:27You're in my groove and you will do as I say, right?
19:30Wrong.
19:31Get him.
19:35Man, they are bull's way out.
19:41Come on, I got to go upstairs for the television rehearsal.
19:44We'll take care of them later.
19:53Max.
19:55Max.
19:56Oh, poor Max.
20:01Are you all right?
20:02Those live pills are dangerous, 99.
20:05They made my ears ring.
20:07Come on, we've got to get out of here.
20:09Well, made the scene just in time.
20:12Where were we?
20:13Yeah, where were we?
20:15Yes, if I remember correctly, you were just about to kill us.
20:20Thanks, Max.
20:22Now look at the two groovy red lights.
20:25That's the transmitter eye of the most powerful amplifier in the world.
20:29Like ESA, woofed up to a million.
20:33What does that mean, Max?
20:34It's hip talk.
20:35It means like ESA, woofed up to a million.
20:38Now look at electronic sound amplification, dum-dum.
20:41To where a pin drop sounds like an earthquake.
20:45Oh, this gets real loud, friends.
20:47If I was you, I'd do more listening than talking.
20:50If there's one loud noise, I'm sunk.
20:53No more eardrums.
20:54No more eardrums.
20:54No more eardrums.
20:56No more eardrums.
20:58No more eardrums.
20:59What you hear is your heartbeats.
21:05Kind of a knocked-out tempo, wait it.
21:16Now, now, don't flip, kiddies.
21:18Mosquito must be in the pan with you.
21:20Oh, my God.
21:39wild huh well i gotta cut out of here my show goes on in five minutes oh i forgot to tell you
21:57i got the transmitter i sense of a sound gets higher and higher until the vibrations from
22:03your heartbeats are gonna blow your brains apart pow i can't handle it it's a groovy way to make a big
22:10drop out max what are we gonna do one chance tuning fork in my watch oh max we couldn't be
22:23in worse trouble oh yes we couldn't i think i've got the hiccups
22:33it worked max how did you do it this tuning fork set up vibrations too high for the human ear
22:46but high enough to shatter max we've got to get out of here the broadcast is about to start
22:50oh you sound trippers and hippies you gather around the boob tube and tune up high you dig
23:07we are through cogitating we're through meditating we have given up infiltrate and now we are going
23:13to start devastating and eliminating so you take your cue from the groovy guru and listen while the
23:19sacred cows laid a big message on you go man go
23:22thrill thrill thrill kill kill kill make the scene all right guru that's it the show's over stop the music
23:41he's been going cows yeah yeah yeah
23:44bump off the sweat that's what it's about
23:52love it's out
23:59well i did it 99 i hope i'm not too late i don't know how much of that message got through
24:05none of you got through max don't tell me you pulled the plug i pulled the plug max
24:11you asked me not to tell you that didn't you
24:15you
24:22you
24:24you
24:28you
24:34you
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