Parental Guidance Season 3 Episode 4

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Transcript

00:00:00This episode of Parental Guidance contains references to self-harm and mental illness.

00:00:05Some viewers may find these topics challenging. Viewer discretion is advised.

00:00:12Parenthood is a wild ride.

00:00:14Mum and Dad are the best.

00:00:15They make our day.

00:00:16We love you.

00:00:17We love you.

00:00:18And the stakes are sky high.

00:00:20Our young people, we say that we've got it under control. We don't.

00:00:25In this special event series of Parental Guidance, we've confronted the most critical issues

00:00:31facing families today. Screen time. Peer pressure. Body image.

00:00:37It's so important that we as parents educate ourselves about what's available to our children.

00:00:42And giving parents the tools to find a way through.

00:00:46This is a life experience that we will learn from and grow from and implement.

00:00:51Tonight, in the final of these groundbreaking investigations.

00:00:57We have an incredible mental illness challenge in this country.

00:01:01I was scared to tell people. And it was tough.

00:01:04It's the invisible crisis crippling the nation.

00:01:08I've been to the mental hospitals with him. I've been on the street with him.

00:01:12How can parents help lay the foundations for good mental health?

00:01:17You're being mean.

00:01:18I'm not being mean. If I was your daughter, would I be able to come to you to tell you that?

00:01:22I don't have that problem. And I won't have that problem.

00:01:26An eye-opening look. You can do it, buddy.

00:01:28Into the best ways to support our kids' emotional well-being.

00:01:32There's no growth in your comfort zone. Yeah.

00:01:35And set them up for mental resilience.

00:01:39I'm proud of you. You're so brave.

00:01:48I'm proud of you.

00:01:50I'm proud of you.

00:01:52I'm proud of you.

00:01:54Focus parents, welcome.

00:01:56Elvie and Sean, nice to see you. Nice to see you too.

00:02:00Hey, Amanda and Hassan, how are you? Good. How are you?

00:02:03Ready to go? Absolutely.

00:02:04Very excited.

00:02:05Hey, panel parents. Hi, guys.

00:02:09Welcome to the Parenting Olympics.

00:02:12Now, there are no medals.

00:02:14There is just the glory of knowing you might have done it right

00:02:18and you got through another day.

00:02:21This side of the room, you're back in the hot seat.

00:02:24You are our focus parents.

00:02:28And over here, you guys, you're our panel parents.

00:02:31So watch carefully and take notes.

00:02:35You'll be voting at the end of the night on who you learnt the most from.

00:02:41Tonight, we are diving into one of the most important

00:02:44and challenging topics in parenting.

00:02:47Mental health.

00:02:49As parents, there's a lot we can do to build the foundations

00:02:53for our children's best possible mental health.

00:02:57Tonight, we will explore how we can raise resilient and confident kids

00:03:02in a world that kind of feels more overwhelming than ever

00:03:05and how to tackle the tough moments when they arise.

00:03:09Right now, mental health issues among kids and young adults

00:03:13are at an all-time high.

00:03:17Australia is in the middle of a mental health crisis,

00:03:21particularly for young people, with stress, anxiety, depression,

00:03:25and self-harm all on the rise.

00:03:29As parents, the strongest defence is helping kids build emotional well-being,

00:03:35connections, and resilience.

00:03:39All right, focus parents.

00:03:41Remind us of your parenting styles.

00:03:44Josh and Cassie, we are the life school parents.

00:03:47We live in our caravan.

00:03:49We learn from real-life experiences while giving our kids freedom.

00:03:53We learn from real-life experiences.

00:03:56We learn from real-life experiences.

00:03:57We learn from real-life experiences.

00:03:58As life school parents, we've travelled around Australia

00:04:01for the past three years, giving our kids lifetime memories.

00:04:05Our kids have experienced more than what most kids will in a whole lifetime.

00:04:10Everyone's so rushed these days.

00:04:12Our kids are much happier, much more relaxed.

00:04:15They're certainly not wrapped up in bubble wrap.

00:04:19If they hurt themselves, unfortunately, they hurt themselves.

00:04:22One of the biggest dangers wrapping your kids in cotton wool

00:04:24is that it doesn't build resilience.

00:04:26And then that's when we do have a lot of these mental health issues.

00:04:32All righty, our life school parents.

00:04:34You look like your best mates.

00:04:36Yeah, it's lovely.

00:04:37You know what I mean? You're all together.

00:04:38There's no argument. There's no conflict.

00:04:40There probably is.

00:04:41There probably is. Don't get me wrong, but...

00:04:43It's a very well-rounded family.

00:04:46I am the second youngest of eight kids,

00:04:49and that really helped to shape the style of parents we wanted to be.

00:04:54Elvie and Sean.

00:04:56We are the authoritative parents.

00:04:58We have high expectations on children.

00:05:00We set strict rules and boundaries.

00:05:03Say cheese!

00:05:04Cheese!

00:05:05Cheese!

00:05:06Christmas!

00:05:08As an authoritative parent,

00:05:10we set a lot of rules with high expectations for our children to follow.

00:05:16Esme, Stacy!

00:05:17Lunch!

00:05:18Better be quick, otherwise mums will come.

00:05:21Sometimes I can be quite mean to them.

00:05:23You're not stopping!

00:05:24I raise my voice now.

00:05:27Children who get used to people being harsh to them will build their resilience.

00:05:35We also believe in yin and yang.

00:05:36We do some mindfulness activities like yoga and massage.

00:05:42That's cool.

00:05:44Mental health is super important to be a happy and also a successful person.

00:05:49Okay, what did we think of our authoritative parents?

00:05:58I completely agree with those rules and expectations.

00:06:02It's like I have to be the mean mum sometimes.

00:06:04I think that is not necessarily a bad thing.

00:06:10And Amanda and Hassan.

00:06:12We are the hard way parents.

00:06:14We do things the hard way.

00:06:15No shortcuts.

00:06:17It's hard on us, but great for the kids.

00:06:18Everyone say cheese!

00:06:20Say cheese!

00:06:21Cheese!

00:06:22Yeah!

00:06:23We see a lot of parents take the easy way.

00:06:28We have a lot of screen time eating unhealthy food.

00:06:30You're just giving them a screen and you're sitting down putting your feet up having a coffee.

00:06:34You're not parenting.

00:06:35You're taking the easy way up.

00:06:35It's the easy way up.

00:06:36Yeah.

00:06:37Good job!

00:06:39We give our kids a lot of praise.

00:06:40And it's all about making them feel good.

00:06:42So nothing goes unnoticed.

00:06:44I cleaned up the lounge.

00:06:45Oh!

00:06:46I vacuumed.

00:06:47Well done.

00:06:48You can get a well done sticker.

00:06:49High five!

00:06:51We prioritise mental health.

00:06:53Always checking in on the kids.

00:06:54Are you happy?

00:06:55Are you sad?

00:06:55Because we're always around.

00:06:56You can see if someone's a bit down, we approach them.

00:06:58Are you okay?

00:06:58How are you feeling?

00:06:59If they come home from school stressed, let's go for a walk.

00:07:02Well done!

00:07:03Yay!

00:07:03You've done it!

00:07:06There's a lot to learn for that.

00:07:08We work together as a team a lot and we do a lot of things the hard way really.

00:07:11Yeah.

00:07:11I love that.

00:07:12No, I think it's good that you praise them.

00:07:14Every single day we praise them.

00:07:16We encourage them and motivate them.

00:07:17If they've done something, we always tell them,

00:07:19you've done a good job.

00:07:20We just try and praise them as much as we can.

00:07:24From my opinion, as authoritative parents, we kind of give them honest opinion rather than

00:07:31praising them good job.

00:07:33We give them an honest feedback.

00:07:36It's totally natural for parents to want to praise their kids.

00:07:40Unfortunately, what happens with praise is kids start to look to their parents for

00:07:45extrinsic validation no matter what they're doing.

00:07:48Did I do this right?

00:07:49Did I do that right?

00:07:50We can create praise junkies.

00:07:52We're better off saying thanks, expressing appreciation or encouraging our children to reflect

00:07:58and asking them if they think they did well and what they would do next time if they were to do it again.

00:08:03Okay, Nick and Sophia, how do you guys do it?

00:08:08We are the Positivity Parents, which means we take a positive approach to everything we do.

00:08:14In order to build confidence and self-esteem.

00:08:16As Positivity Parents, we teach our kids to be kind, inclusive, humble and generous.

00:08:29You are powerful!

00:08:31You are powerful!

00:08:33We definitely build up our children's self-esteem every single day by doing positive affirmations.

00:08:39We've done it consistently for years.

00:08:41Never forget, you are a blessing!

00:08:45Sophia is able to work from home as a content creator.

00:08:48One, two.

00:08:48Hey Bestie!

00:08:52The Hey Bestie videos have been happening since Alex was two.

00:08:56The most views is 53 million.

00:08:59People have said that it's helped them with depression, that it's helped their mum who has dementia.

00:09:03The teachers have played it in school.

00:09:05Being kind to someone and being positive is never going to be bad.

00:09:09The affirmations in kids is awesome.

00:09:13Yeah, thank you.

00:09:14And in ourselves as well, not just kids, but yeah, everyone.

00:09:17I love the positive message.

00:09:19It's very cute, but I probably wouldn't be comfortable with having my kids on TikTok.

00:09:24I'd be worried that they'd be looking for approval via the likes.

00:09:30We've never said, hey, Alex or Mila, this video that you've done got 50 million views.

00:09:34They have no idea about that.

00:09:36If they didn't want to do it, you'd be okay with taking them off?

00:09:39I would be okay with that.

00:09:40Yeah, then it would be done.

00:09:42I'd never want to force my kids into anything.

00:09:47Okay, four different parenting styles facing the challenges tonight.

00:09:54Panel parents, don't forget to take notes.

00:09:56At the end of all the challenges, we'll be asking you to choose which parenting style equips

00:10:02their kids best for emotional wellbeing and mental resilience, the foundations of good mental health.

00:10:09You're going to be looking for which parenting style you think helps develop autonomy and competence,

00:10:16fosters healthy emotional regulation, creates a sense of belonging, and encourages resilience and confidence.

00:10:25While there is something of a genetic lottery involved, there are a lot of things that we can

00:10:31do as parents to set our kids up to have the best mental health possible.

00:10:36The way that we support, the way that we listen, the way that we guide them can make an enormous difference.

00:10:44Shall we do a challenge?

00:10:45Yes.

00:10:46Parents are literally their kids' first role models.

00:10:51We want to see what they've learnt from you about empathy and caring for others.

00:10:56Both important elements of maintaining good mental health.

00:11:01We gave them a realistic toddler doll to look after.

00:11:05Do they know how to be nurturing towards the baby? How to meet its needs?

00:11:10So, what have your kids picked up from you? The role models in their life.

00:11:18Even at a very young age, kids copy what their parents do.

00:11:22In this challenge, we'll see what they've learnt about caring for a child from watching mum and dad.

00:11:28A crucial part of kids' mental health is feeling like their needs are being met.

00:11:32This challenge will show us what these children have observed about how to look after a child.

00:11:41Oh, you'll have to wait.

00:11:44Kids, we've got a message.

00:11:45Oh.

00:11:46How do you really parent?

00:11:48To find out, give your children a chance to act as parents.

00:11:53The new baby is waiting.

00:11:55Okay.

00:11:55Are you ready?

00:11:56Yeah.

00:11:57Sure.

00:11:58Oh, how exciting.

00:12:00Our style of parenting is to be good role models for our kids.

00:12:04So, we do everything together as a family.

00:12:06There's a baby.

00:12:07Oh.

00:12:08With this task, I think the kids will do really well because they do this on a daily basis with their sister.

00:12:14We include everyone from Lamise down to Yusuf.

00:12:18Oh.

00:12:18Oh, it's okay.

00:12:20Okay, do this, do this.

00:12:23Yusuf is really nurturing and caring when it comes to looking after his baby sister.

00:12:28Yeah, give her a bottle, give her a bottle.

00:12:30I don't want to eat my breakfast.

00:12:32It's okay, baby.

00:12:34It's okay, baby.

00:12:36When baby Xana was born, Yusuf was very jealous.

00:12:39Mm-hmm.

00:12:40And the way we overcame that is we got him involved.

00:12:42You want to get her blanket on?

00:12:44Yeah.

00:12:45Her blanket.

00:12:45It's her bedtime.

00:12:46Yeah, it's her bedtime.

00:12:47Then she, maybe she'll have this to sleep.

00:12:48You feel the dummy says she doesn't cry?

00:12:49Why do you sleep?

00:12:51Shh.

00:12:52Oh.

00:12:53What's going on?

00:12:54Where'd you guys go?

00:12:55Where'd she be sleeping?

00:12:56Oh, wow.

00:12:59Good job.

00:13:04Wow.

00:13:05Wow.

00:13:06Baby.

00:13:08As authoritative parents, I've given our daughters a lot of rules.

00:13:13So that makes it easier for them to copy those rules and then apply when they try to take care of others.

00:13:20I just want to eat my breakfast.

00:13:22Why don't you want to eat your breakfast?

00:13:25If you don't eat the breakfast, no screen time for you.

00:13:28Real.

00:13:30Did you just cry after she said that?

00:13:33What?

00:13:34I'm just being mum.

00:13:35My children, sometimes they call me the most mean mum in the world.

00:13:43If you keep crying, no, I cry for you.

00:13:46Yeah, that's right.

00:13:47No, I cry for you.

00:13:50As an authoritative parent, I think we have a good guys and bad guys role.

00:13:57So Sean will be the one who comfort the children.

00:14:01Why won't it stop crying?

00:14:04What if we leave it here?

00:14:07And just wait for it to stop crying?

00:14:10We did implement cry out approach really strictly.

00:14:1512 months of cry out approach.

00:14:18Even though Stacy cried really loud up to an hour, we still pretend not hearing that.

00:14:24Eeeeee!

00:14:37Okay.

00:14:40Hardway parents, your kids did really well.

00:14:42The younger one did that really well.

00:14:44Yeah, he did.

00:14:45And I love that they were all very involved with him.

00:14:47Yeah.

00:14:48With the authority parents, there was a few points.

00:14:51They're crying it out for an hour.

00:14:53It's wild to me.

00:14:54Me too.

00:14:55I know some people that works for them.

00:14:57But it feels like a year for the baby.

00:14:58Yeah, you're stressing the baby.

00:14:59It's not good.

00:15:00Yeah.

00:15:01I thought it'd be uncomfortable.

00:15:02The baby cries for a reason.

00:15:04You need to find out.

00:15:05It's got wind, it's hungry, it's got a nappy.

00:15:07You need to find out the reason why they're crying.

00:15:09The first child, Esme, we did try the cry out approach

00:15:14with the company of Sean's on the bedside.

00:15:17So, Esme actually, it was very hard to put her to bed.

00:15:21It didn't work for her.

00:15:22But I couldn't handle it.

00:15:24But Stacey, the second child, we kind of like have enough

00:15:28for the first child for not having good sleep.

00:15:31So, did you feel that controlled crying worked with Stacey?

00:15:35Worked for the first 12 months.

00:15:38I did it with one of the girls.

00:15:40She screamed from probably 7pm till 3am every single night, all night.

00:15:46It was horrific.

00:15:48And I think it actually had a really detrimental effect on her beginning.

00:15:53From a mental health perspective, some parents will say,

00:15:57we've got to try this.

00:15:58It's the only way we're going to get through.

00:16:01In terms of research around the children,

00:16:04nobody should be doing this with a baby below six months of age.

00:16:07Similarly, nobody should be leaving a baby in the room all night to cry it out.

00:16:12There comes a point where you must intervene.

00:16:16Our children need to know that we're there for them.

00:16:19This would all be so much easier if we had a village around us

00:16:21who could come in and take the load off for a night or two

00:16:24so that you can get the sleep that you need.

00:16:26Unfortunately for too many of us, society doesn't work that way anymore.

00:16:30But this is one of our great challenges.

00:16:32Coming up, in the final instalment of our special event series...

00:16:38You get to work with everything.

00:16:40..the kids spill the tea.

00:16:42Her favourite thing to do is get a matcha and just lay on the couch.

00:16:47Temperatures rise with the year's most heated debate.

00:16:51I'm really anti that boys will be boys.

00:16:53We should be very careful not to feminise our males.

00:16:56And later, one of the country's favourite TV personalities...

00:17:01David Campbell.

00:17:02..pulls back the curtain on his own mental health struggles.

00:17:06I shut down.

00:17:08I was scared to tell people.

00:17:10Then, which parenting style has the best approach...

00:17:14Ticked all the boxes and moved along.

00:17:16That still didn't sit well with me.

00:17:17..when it comes to mental health.

00:17:19The family that we've learnt the most about mental health was...

00:17:26..we're talking about how to give kids the foundations

00:17:32for the best possible mental health.

00:17:35We're in the middle of a challenge testing what the focus kids have learnt

00:17:39about meeting a child's needs.

00:17:41A key element of emotional wellbeing.

00:17:45Alright, so, let's have a look at how our next two families went.

00:17:50Seeing how a child parent's adult can tell us quite a lot

00:17:54about how the child's parented or how they perceive parenting.

00:17:57In this challenge, we're looking for what the kids have learnt

00:18:00from their parents when it comes to nurturing and empathy.

00:18:08Stop!

00:18:09Oh, my God!

00:18:12That's so cute!

00:18:15I'm going to be the mum.

00:18:16I'm going to act like that.

00:18:17I'm going to be the mum.

00:18:19As positive parents, we definitely do fall into a traditional family role.

00:18:24I stay at home.

00:18:25I do all the things that, you know, mum does.

00:18:28I cook.

00:18:28I clean.

00:18:29I shop.

00:18:29I take care of the kids.

00:18:30I take them absolutely everywhere.

00:18:32I take care of Nick.

00:18:34It is a traditional role, but then again, it's not.

00:18:37Because he'll then load the dishwasher.

00:18:42No!

00:18:42Oh, no, it's a...

00:18:44She's hungry!

00:18:47The things that they did that worked well was they were being

00:18:50extremely attentive to whatever the baby was asking for.

00:18:53Hey, I'm not feeding her.

00:18:55I'm the mother.

00:18:56Give me her!

00:18:58Go and wash the dishes.

00:19:00No.

00:19:01You wash the dishes.

00:19:04The dad always washes the dishes.

00:19:09But then Mila wanted to be in charge of the baby doll.

00:19:12Yeah.

00:19:13And Alex, I could hear, was like, I'm mum.

00:19:16I need to be doing that.

00:19:18No, I'm the mum.

00:19:19I know this.

00:19:20Mums are older.

00:19:20Give me her.

00:19:21We can't break the baby.

00:19:22Why not?

00:19:23Give her to me.

00:19:24I'm gonna dress her.

00:19:25Yeah, they would...

00:19:26They could improve on, um...

00:19:28Sharing.

00:19:29Yeah, they could improve on sharing.

00:19:31Sharing.

00:19:31You go and edit your videos.

00:19:33I don't need to edit.

00:19:35I love my baby more than editing.

00:19:36I'm not gonna edit anymore.

00:19:37Who was mummy and who was daddy?

00:19:40I was dad.

00:19:41Your mum?

00:19:42Yep.

00:19:43Daddy's changing Bonnie?

00:19:46Mm-hmm.

00:19:46Yep.

00:19:47Don't you think mum should have done most of the work?

00:19:51Who dresses you in the morning?

00:19:52You and then...

00:19:53Who dresses you for dance?

00:19:55Who dresses you when you finish dance?

00:19:58Like, the only time dad dresses you is maybe if he gives you a shower.

00:20:01Yeah, we've done that and we were putting the bj's on like dad does.

00:20:05And then she smashed it off me.

00:20:07You're not...

00:20:08Mila, I dress you all the time.

00:20:10Dad dresses us at night and it was my bedtime.

00:20:13I get it.

00:20:13I understand.

00:20:14Listen, I understand.

00:20:15I don't think you do.

00:20:17I'm just saying because you're saying that mummy didn't...

00:20:20doesn't dress you and stuff when mummy's always with you.

00:20:23You're being mean.

00:20:24I'm not being mean.

00:20:25I'm sorry that you think I'm being mean.

00:20:27I'm not.

00:20:28You guys did a good job.

00:20:29Both of you did a good job.

00:20:33Okay, it's all right.

00:20:34It's just a game.

00:20:35You don't need to take it so seriously.

00:20:38It's just a challenge.

00:20:40Okay.

00:20:42I love it how you said it's just a game.

00:20:43Are you telling yourself that?

00:20:45It's just a game.

00:20:46She said that dad dresses her at night time for bed.

00:20:49So was that not right?

00:20:50Sometimes.

00:20:50Right.

00:20:51Yeah, no, sometimes.

00:20:52Oh, she does.

00:20:52So she was right.

00:20:53Yeah.

00:20:55Are you just like competing though?

00:20:57Like with, like who cares who's doing it?

00:20:59No, no, definitely not.

00:21:00It's got nothing to do with competition.

00:21:02It's got to do with I'm taking care of my child and I hope she knows that.

00:21:07I just wanted her to be truthful.

00:21:11Was that about accuracy or is it more about you needing validation?

00:21:17Part of me was like, she honestly doesn't think dad is the one dressed.

00:21:22I'm with them 24 hours a day.

00:21:24I'm raising a human that I want to be truthful and honest.

00:21:29Sophia, I think that you want your daughter to see things your way.

00:21:34Yeah, but...

00:21:35Not that you want her to be honest.

00:21:37Oh, okay.

00:21:38She's being honest.

00:21:39Yeah.

00:21:39And we've understood that Nick is involved in the dressing.

00:21:42Yeah.

00:21:42But because you want the validation, she's hearing that her view isn't right.

00:21:50She's being told to doubt her own voice and that you control the narrative.

00:21:54When our children don't feel heard, that's when they feel controlled.

00:22:00That's a good point.

00:22:01Yeah, fair.

00:22:02It can erode trust, damage connection and have a lasting impact on their emotional well-being.

00:22:09Yeah.

00:22:11Parenting is the most thankless task that is out there.

00:22:16Our children will not appreciate what we have done for them until they become parents themselves

00:22:24and until they start to grapple with the same sacrifices and challenges that we're making.

00:22:30Okay, we've got one more to see.

00:22:31Let's take a look at our life school parents.

00:22:34All right, who's grabbing her? I'm not touching her.

00:22:40I'm not touching her.

00:22:41Brons and Will.

00:22:42Oh, come on!

00:22:43You're in great mums and dads. Come on, it's your turn, man.

00:22:46When it comes to how our kids view us as parents, they would think we're easy going and give them

00:22:53lots of freedom.

00:22:54They've never necessarily spent time around babies.

00:22:57I'm expecting crying and the kids just not knowing what to do.

00:23:01Oh, my God.

00:23:06Grab your tummy! Help me!

00:23:14That's a poo!

00:23:19You changed someone's diaper?

00:23:20Yeah, I've done Kingsley's before.

00:23:21Really?

00:23:22I don't have.

00:23:25Oh, I stand on it.

00:23:25It's going to cry.

00:23:27You really don't want to cry.

00:23:28It's the world championship baby thrower.

00:23:43Baby just fine.

00:23:45Let's throw it to our panel parents.

00:23:48Your eldest is going to make a great father one day.

00:23:51Obviously, he remembers having little siblings and then, you know, they're playing.

00:23:55They're mucking around having fun.

00:23:57The boys were boys.

00:24:03And I'm really anti that boys will be boys.

00:24:06Like, it really does stereotype a type of behaviour that is not okay.

00:24:11I think it's very important whether you've got boys or girls at home.

00:24:16Get them involved early.

00:24:17Don't stereotype.

00:24:18Because your young boys are going to be men one day.

00:24:20That's right.

00:24:21Yeah.

00:24:21I think we should be very careful not to feminise our males too much in society.

00:24:27Oh.

00:24:27But I think that it's okay if they wanted to be a little bit more feminine.

00:24:33Stereotyping that men should just be a certain way I think can put a lot of pressure on men.

00:24:39I'm definitely not saying like, oh, don't do that.

00:24:42That's a woman's job.

00:24:43But boys aren't naturally nurturing.

00:24:47You know, and they showed that there, you know.

00:24:49They can be.

00:24:51If a man has to change a nappy or cook and clean, it doesn't make the best of a man.

00:24:55The first six to 12 months of the baby's life, especially if you're naturally nursing,

00:25:01the father is essentially non-existent.

00:25:03All it cares for is mum.

00:25:06Well, that can be controversial.

00:25:08So I try and help out, but my child doesn't want me.

00:25:12So mum's stressed because she's not getting a break.

00:25:14Do you know why on that?

00:25:15Because maybe the father didn't get involved early.

00:25:18My son's involved from when the baby's literally out of my stomach.

00:25:21I was pumping milk.

00:25:22He was feeding at night.

00:25:23And then I got up like...

00:25:24I guess what's rubbing me the wrong way...

00:25:25I didn't catch what you said the first time.

00:25:26No, no, no, no.

00:25:27I guess what's rubbing me the wrong way...

00:25:30Your thoughts are really, this is what goes on.

00:25:34Fair enough in your world around the people that you choose to hang around, that might happen.

00:25:38But that's not the whole world.

00:25:41Also, I do feel a lot of men in this society these days as well are not great men.

00:25:47I think we need to change that.

00:25:49I don't want my boys to grow up thinking that I can't be that robust, even stoic type of man now.

00:25:57Because it's not okay to tell the men that are like that they shouldn't be.

00:26:01We know that the more men ascribe to unhealthy ideas about what masculinity is,

00:26:11I have to be tough, I have to be self-sufficient, I can't seek support, kind of man box ideal.

00:26:19The more their mental health drops, the more likely they are to be abusive or be abused.

00:26:28I don't think that you should have gender roles, even from a young age.

00:26:31The boys, my girls play with trucks just as much as my boys will play with dress-ups.

00:26:36Same thing, we don't do gender in our house.

00:26:37And my boys' favourite colour, if you'd ask them right now, would be pink.

00:26:40It's more like identity than the role. Would you accept your boys wearing skirts as the normal appearance?

00:26:50Yeah, I would, honestly. I mean, we haven't come down to that. We haven't really had that conversation much.

00:26:55But if he really decided that he wanted to change genders when he was a teenager, that's a conversation we'd have.

00:27:01Identity, I believe there's a man and a woman.

00:27:03Yeah.

00:27:04Full stop.

00:27:06If my kids decided, well, they're not going to, but if they decided they were men,

00:27:10that wouldn't be an option in our house. So, very clear.

00:27:15Oh my god.

00:27:17It won't happen.

00:27:17Strap in. Strap in.

00:27:25Identity, I believe there's a man and a woman.

00:27:26Yeah, full stop.

00:27:29If my kids decided, well, they're not going to, but if they decided they were men,

00:27:32that wouldn't be an option in our house.

00:27:35But would you stop talking to them?

00:27:37No, we wouldn't stop talking to our children, but it won't happen.

00:27:41Yeah.

00:27:41I hope it doesn't.

00:27:42You should, like, you'd love your child no matter what, I think, so.

00:27:46You draw the line at a cat.

00:27:49You draw the line at a cat, so it's okay to change genders, but it's not okay to be a cat, like,

00:27:53you know. There's no difference. If you're okay with gender to swapping, then you may as well be an animal.

00:27:58It's man and female.

00:28:03Don't you think some people are born like that, though, don't you?

00:28:06No, I don't.

00:28:06You don't think people are born feeling a certain way? You don't think that at all?

00:28:12Because a lot of people do commit suicide because of how they feel about having those feelings.

00:28:18Like, they really are born that way, and they can't help how they feel. And if you're saying to your child,

00:28:23this is it, imagine if they actually felt that way and couldn't come to you to tell you that.

00:28:29I don't have that problem, and I won't have that problem.

00:28:32But how do you know?

00:28:34What you're saying is you're creating an environment in your household where it's least likely to happen.

00:28:39Correct. It won't happen.

00:28:41If I was your daughter and I felt like I wasn't feeling like a stereotypical girl,

00:28:48would I be able to come to you as your daughter to tell you that?

00:28:52They can tell me whatever they want. We have very open dialogue.

00:28:56But like you said, it's not going to happen. There's no way of that happening. It's not happening.

00:29:00So I was just concerned about that.

00:29:03As Christians bringing the faith into it,

00:29:05we really need to be an open space for people that have these problems.

00:29:11I don't feel like it's a problem at all. It can be what you want.

00:29:14As long as you don't hurt anybody, what difference does it make?

00:29:16I don't care what you're doing. As long as you're a good, decent person.

00:29:19If my boy wants to identify as a girl and that is going to help towards mental health,

00:29:25do what you've got to do.

00:29:28There's got to be room for who you want to be.

00:29:30Who cares what you are, whether you're man, woman, gay, straight, they, them.

00:29:36To me, it doesn't matter. As long as you're a nice person, you're kind.

00:29:39I honestly don't care what you identify as.

00:29:43Australia has been one of the most progressive nations when it comes to embracing an

00:29:47affirmation approach to gender identity, specifically because of mental health challenges.

00:29:54The person who has confusion and challenge about their gender identity,

00:29:58they need absolutely unquestionably compassion, love and acceptance.

00:30:05Their mental health may deteriorate to a point where their life is in danger.

00:30:10There is no single right answer. We don't know enough.

00:30:14We just have to be compassionate, patient and provide the support that our children need if this happens.

00:30:25Having had this conversation, I don't feel my views have changed at all.

00:30:29I definitely am not open in this area. I stand by the fact a man is a man and a woman is a woman.

00:30:33That was a really rigorous debate. Thank you guys for all sharing your opinions on that.

00:30:41And most importantly, with honesty and respect.

00:30:45Okay, how about a little change of pace?

00:30:49I've got something absolutely fabulous to show you.

00:30:53We got to know your kids a bit more, including what they know about mental health.

00:30:59Would you like to hear what they have to say?

00:31:03Oh gosh.

00:31:05What's mental health?

00:31:07Wait, what does that mean?

00:31:09Mental health is how you feel like in your heart and your head and how you talk to yourself.

00:31:16Your inside feelings.

00:31:18Feeling your feelings, yeah. Like our own mental health is really important to help us become more resilient, yeah.

00:31:26What do your parents do when you're upset?

00:31:29When they're sad, they always find something to cheer us up.

00:31:33A really big hug.

00:31:34Mum said it's good to cry.

00:31:36Do you guys cry much?

00:31:38What?

00:31:38No, not a lot.

00:31:39I do.

00:31:40Not too much.

00:31:41Secretly.

00:31:41What do you cry about?

00:31:42I don't know.

00:31:43Brothers.

00:31:44Yeah, when they're annoying, like, he gets away with everything.

00:31:49Describe your mum to me.

00:31:51Her favourite thing to do is get a matcha and just lay on the couch.

00:31:56When my mum goes into a shop and she wants to get one thing, and then she will end up getting the hostel.

00:32:06What's the funniest thing about caravan life?

00:32:08One more time.

00:32:10Secret.

00:32:10The van's shaking.

00:32:13You never want to know what that is at night.

00:32:18You can't hear the washing machine.

00:32:19It's the washing machine most of the time.

00:32:21Yeah.

00:32:22They buy us every toy in the world.

00:32:25We're spoiled.

00:32:26Yeah, we're spoiled.

00:32:27But our parents love us, that's good.

00:32:30Yeah, and me and my sister fight sometimes.

00:32:33Well, no.

00:32:34Oh, Josh and Cassie, so many questions answered.

00:32:45How many loads of washing do you do a week?

00:32:47They will never know.

00:32:52Coming up.

00:32:53Let's go, Mila.

00:32:54Two eye-opening challenges that test our kids' resilience.

00:32:59We stopped.

00:33:00We do have some expectation for their performance.

00:33:04You could have left a bigger gap.

00:33:06Shush.

00:33:17Tonight we're talking about everything to do with parenting to set your kids up with

00:33:22the foundations for good mental health.

00:33:26So, let's have a look at another challenge.

00:33:29We asked your kids to make a domino trail together.

00:33:33It seems simple.

00:33:34But for this to work, they're going to need cooperation, patience and persistence.

00:33:40Essential skills when it comes to building good mental health.

00:33:44So, how do the kids handle a stressful situation when put under pressure?

00:33:49Do they keep their cool or do the domino effect get the better of them?

00:33:55Emotional regulation is a vital skill for children to help them to manage their feelings

00:34:01and respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

00:34:07In this challenge, we're looking at what the parents have taught their kids about

00:34:10coping with frustration and how they work together as a team.

00:34:15These are critical components of good mental health.

00:34:21Got a message.

00:34:24Life can be tricky.

00:34:25Can your kids build a domino's trail using all the domino's?

00:34:30Parents, hands off.

00:34:32This is the source on you.

00:34:33Oh, domino challenge!

00:34:34Yay!

00:34:35That's easy!

00:34:37Have fun!

00:34:38As life school parents, we teach our kids about the ways to deal with stress and life.

00:34:45We all have frustration.

00:34:46We all have frustrating times.

00:34:48It's the way that we deal with it that counts the most.

00:34:50See?

00:34:51Yeah.

00:34:51You're a shaky table!

00:34:55Can you stop?

00:34:58How many times do I have to tell you?

00:34:59Not too much movement.

00:35:04But as life school parents, it's super important for us that our boys work together.

00:35:10It's so much easier to win as a team than as an individual.

00:35:13I told you for a handful, mate.

00:35:20How about no one just not touch the table?

00:35:22I was thinking just starting from one end of the table and working our way down.

00:35:27Okay, you start going off like that.

00:35:32All right.

00:35:32Do not move.

00:35:34Like, don't move a muscle.

00:35:35Stop that toe, man.

00:35:36Stop that toe.

00:35:37All right, we're ready!

00:35:40I just want to say that you guys have done a very good job.

00:35:44Go!

00:35:48That's a strike!

00:35:51Where are the dominoes?

00:35:52I think it's our table.

00:35:55As authoritative parents, I think it's quite important for kids to stick to difficult tasks

00:36:00even they don't enjoy.

00:36:02I think that the perseverance will go a long way in their future life.

00:36:08Concentrate.

00:36:09Concentrate.

00:36:12Just have to be concentrate, okay?

00:36:14Make sure you concentrate.

00:36:14I am.

00:36:17It isn't as easy as you can do this.

00:36:19Daisy, don't shake the table, please.

00:36:20Concentrate, okay.

00:36:20Shh.

00:36:21Concentrate, concentrate.

00:36:23Nearly there.

00:36:24Shush.

00:36:26As an authoritative parent, coming from an oriental background,

00:36:30we do have some expectation for their performance.

00:36:33Concentrate, concentrate.

00:36:34I am.

00:36:35That's okay.

00:36:36Okay.

00:36:36We encourage our children.

00:36:38We want them to be successful, be doctors or lawyers.

00:36:45You could have left a bigger gap.

00:36:47Stop speaking.

00:36:49I'm going to start joining in, hopefully.

00:36:54Okay.

00:36:55One, two, three, two, one.

00:37:02I should have timed it how long it took.

00:37:11Panel parents.

00:37:13I thought it was good from the live school family.

00:37:16Kids didn't give up on the challenge.

00:37:17They still persisted and saw it through to the end.

00:37:19Especially with five in a caravan.

00:37:21No one even said once, this is garbage, I'm out.

00:37:24Could have been so easy for them to just go, this is too hard, we're not doing it.

00:37:28And you guys were nowhere inside.

00:37:29No.

00:37:30They ran their own shop.

00:37:32I felt the authoritative parents, they were really present and very hovering over.

00:37:37Very critical.

00:37:38The very last thing is, I should have timed it.

00:37:40There wasn't time to praise it.

00:37:41It was done well.

00:37:43Do you think they would have worked together better had you not been in the room?

00:37:47Uh, could be, could be.

00:37:52Yeah, I felt like they were like just craving to do it themselves.

00:37:56Your experience looked more outcome-based and Josh and Cassie's looked more experience-based.

00:38:01Yeah, so we definitely wanted the shifts on things.

00:38:03We have expectations on them.

00:38:04Yeah, because you made a comment about being successful adults,

00:38:08being either doctors or lawyers.

00:38:09Sure, sure.

00:38:10What if they want to be influencers?

00:38:13We have high expectations.

00:38:15We say, we think this is good for you.

00:38:17From a very young age, we start to instill different values.

00:38:22You need to have, like, stable income.

00:38:25I'm more aiming for long-term success.

00:38:28Hopefully one day they have their house.

00:38:30Life stability is most important.

00:38:33What happens if they decide,

00:38:36Mum, I'm going to be a hairdresser?

00:38:38Oh, they'll be regressed, no doubt.

00:38:41I have expectations on my children and they choose a different way.

00:38:44Of course, I would be very upset.

00:38:46There's more academic pressure on children than ever before.

00:38:50The three most important words that your children can hear,

00:38:54no matter what.

00:38:57My love for you is bigger than any academic choice you make

00:39:00or any career choice.

00:39:01I love you no matter what.

00:39:02It can have a huge impact on our children's wellbeing.

00:39:08Next, with mental health in the spotlight...

00:39:11You don't let on purpose.

00:39:12..tempers are tested...

00:39:14Ah!

00:39:15..when things fall apart.

00:39:17You want to put it up like this?

00:39:18Ah!

00:39:19..and a devastating truth...

00:39:21To have it end that way, it's really hard.

00:39:24..silences the room.

00:39:25We're establishing the essentials of good mental health,

00:39:37including dealing with stressful situations.

00:39:40We're in the middle of the domino challenge.

00:39:42Should we look at our last two families?

00:39:44A simple game like dominoes takes persistence

00:39:49and emotional regulation.

00:39:51These are critical components of good mental health.

00:39:56Can your kids build a dominoes trail

00:39:58using all the dominoes?

00:40:00Parents' hands on.

00:40:01Oh, wow, exciting!

00:40:03Our kids generally do well when they face a challenging task.

00:40:07The hard way is definitely not quitting.

00:40:09It's giving everything a go, even if you find it hard.

00:40:12If you want to start from here, then move it around.

00:40:15Right, let's start from here.

00:40:20Yusuf, are you going to help pick it up?

00:40:22Ah!

00:40:23You've got to drop it on the...

00:40:24Ah!

00:40:31With Yusuf, it's always a surprise, but, you know,

00:40:34our style of parenting is we want to get him involved.

00:40:37The easy way would be keep him out of the task,

00:40:39don't get him involved, take him out straight away.

00:40:40Give him some phone, give him some phone time.

00:40:42But as hard way parents, give him some phone time.

00:40:42Give him some phone time.

00:40:43Give him some phone time.

00:40:43Mm-hm.

00:40:43You see, you want to put it up like this?

00:40:45No!

00:40:47I'll start from here.

00:40:48No, no, no, no, put it like that.

00:40:49No!

00:40:49No, no, no, no, put it like that.

00:40:50No!

00:40:55Come on, what's a mess?

00:40:56Come on, come on, come on, come on.

00:40:58When Hassan and I see that, you know,

00:41:00it is getting really frustrating and the kids have tried,

00:41:03that's where us as parents have to step up,

00:41:06you know, just relax him.

00:41:07Do this instead, okay?

00:41:10Well done.

00:41:11Yeah, good job.

00:41:11Is that fun?

00:41:14We done it!

00:41:14Yes, we're done.

00:41:15Good job!

00:41:17Good job, guys.

00:41:21Fantastic, well done.

00:41:22There's nothing hard for us.

00:41:23We can do it.

00:41:26I think that was great, what you did there.

00:41:28The siblings did amazing at staying so calm.

00:41:31Yeah, they didn't lose it at him, which is what we teach them to do.

00:41:34Does Yusuf have any learning difficulties?

00:41:38He's only four.

00:41:39He does have some, like, difficulties with, like,

00:41:42sometimes understanding that all the attention, you know,

00:41:44can't be around him, so we're slowly always sitting with him,

00:41:46trying to calm him down.

00:41:49I would have handled that a little bit different.

00:41:52You removed him and then went and played like a cool, fun game in another room.

00:41:57Yep.

00:41:58His behaviour was rewarded with fun time somewhere else.

00:42:02With the way we parent our children,

00:42:04I would have just removed him from there and let him watch on.

00:42:07Yep.

00:42:07The other siblings deserve a chance to do it without getting stressed or anxious as well.

00:42:12Yeah, so we're just trying to be fair to the five of them, really.

00:42:18Okay, let's take a look at our positivity parents.

00:42:23Well, you guys should win this. You play games all the time.

00:42:25Yeah.

00:42:26We're planning to go into this challenge as positivity parents by being positive.

00:42:32We're going to encourage them, give them pointers,

00:42:35but we're not going to touch anything.

00:42:37So you start making the trail.

00:42:40Oh!

00:42:41I think one at a time.

00:42:45Hey, Alex!

00:42:48You've done that on purpose!

00:42:50Why did you do that, Mum?

00:42:51She knocked it over like this.

00:42:52It's okay, just start again.

00:42:54Because they're both leaders, I think it'll take a while for them to get the rhythm of getting into that team spirit.

00:43:02If I knock this over, I'm going to be, I'm going to punch myself in the face.

00:43:06What?

00:43:07Three.

00:43:09Oh!

00:43:11No!

00:43:12You can start again.

00:43:15You can start again.

00:43:16You've got to do it again.

00:43:16Listen, Mummy, you know when I say teamwork makes the...

00:43:22Dream work.

00:43:23Yeah.

00:43:24Are we doing teamwork right now?

00:43:29Ali!

00:43:31I didn't do that on purpose.

00:43:33I want to hear the positive talk.

00:43:34I don't want to hear the negative talk.

00:43:36We don't talk like that.

00:43:37Come on.

00:43:37You can do this, Mummy.

00:43:41I'm literally drilling confidence into my children on a daily.

00:43:46Come on, we're almost there, Alex.

00:43:47You're almost there.

00:43:48Good.

00:43:48One more!

00:43:54High five!

00:43:55High five!

00:43:57Teamwork makes them...

00:43:58Dream work!

00:44:03I feel like the two girls, like they were kind of working apart.

00:44:06But you encouraged teamwork a lot, too.

00:44:08You were like, come on, girls, let's walk together as a team, which is great.

00:44:11They're big personalities.

00:44:12I want them to be confident.

00:44:14I want them to be strong.

00:44:15They were mortified when she was like,

00:44:18if we don't do this, I'm going to punch myself in the face.

00:44:20And we were like...

00:44:21Not really.

00:44:22It was almost like they wanted to punish themselves for not being able to do it.

00:44:25Nah.

00:44:25They're just being characters.

00:44:27It's not them being, you know, negative or anything.

00:44:29They're just like, oh, no, like, you know.

00:44:32Well, it wasn't just words.

00:44:34Like, she ended up punching herself in the head.

00:44:37Did you speak to her about it?

00:44:38How did you handle it?

00:44:40No, because she's five.

00:44:43It's an anomaly.

00:44:44She's just like a kid being silly.

00:44:46Like...

00:44:47It's important that we consider carefully, though,

00:44:50the words that we're saying, because our words do create our world.

00:44:54They probably just did something dumb,

00:44:55and they're giving themselves a little bit of a quick uppercut.

00:44:57I shouldn't have done that.

00:44:58How silly.

00:44:59And they move on.

00:45:00But if it's a recurring theme, if that's what they say all the time,

00:45:04that's when we start to say,

00:45:05I wonder if there's something that we can do to make our brain and our self-esteem,

00:45:09the way we look at ourselves, a little healthier.

00:45:12Alex, she's named after my brother, whose name was Alexander.

00:45:17He had a mental illness.

00:45:19That has a lot to do with why we are positivity parenting and why we want them not to be sheltered,

00:45:29but to look to the bright side of life.

00:45:32Yeah.

00:45:33So I have a lot of experience with mental health.

00:45:38My brother, he took his own life.

00:45:41I've been to the mental hospitals with him.

00:45:46I've been on the street with him.

00:45:47I've been, you know, like, I've been there with him.

00:45:53You know, and then at the end of it all, to have it end that way, it's really hard.

00:45:59My kids never get to meet him.

00:46:01At least I can keep him alive by talking about him, by teaching my children about kindness.

00:46:08Just be there for people and be there without judgment.

00:46:17We have an incredible mental illness challenge in this country.

00:46:24In Australia today, we'll lose nine people through suicide.

00:46:29Seven of them will be men.

00:46:32And it will happen again tomorrow.

00:46:33One of the most important things we can do is teach our children to seek support.

00:46:40Those two words, support seeking, save lives.

00:46:45And yet the overwhelming majority of people who take their own lives don't seek support.

00:46:51They try to do it on their own.

00:46:54It's my hope that by having the conversations that we're having in this room today about these

00:46:59challenges that will be a little more supportive and that we'll find ways to lift one another up

00:47:05and help them to live lives where they are genuinely confident that their life is worthwhile,

00:47:10that their life is purposeful, that they're making a difference.

00:47:14Really appreciate you sharing your story.

00:47:15Oh, thank you.

00:47:16Coming up, Father of the Year David Campbell gets honest about his own mental health struggle.

00:47:28I heard my son say, Dad's not well.

00:47:32And I looked at Lisa and I said, I'm done.

00:47:34I'm done.

00:47:34Then, an important lesson from the parenting handbook.

00:47:39Look, I'm scared of heights.

00:47:41It's really scary.

00:47:42There's no growth in your comfort zone.

00:47:44As the kids lie high.

00:47:55Tonight, we're looking at how to lay the best foundations for good mental health for our kids.

00:48:00Who is ready to put a celebrity under the parenting microscope?

00:48:07Yes.

00:48:09Joining us in the parenting lounge is someone who was crowned Father of the Year,

00:48:15alongside his dad, Jimmy Barnes, for their work ending generational trauma

00:48:20and championing the importance of good mental health.

00:48:25You know him from the Today Extra couch.

00:48:28Lizzie, good morning to you.

00:48:28Good morning, T.C.

00:48:30He comes from Aussie rock royalty and continued the legacy with his own extraordinary singing

00:48:36and stage career.

00:48:37Please welcome, singer, performer, host and Father of the Year, David Campbell.

00:48:45Hi.

00:48:46How you doing?

00:48:47Thanks.

00:48:49Thanks for singing.

00:48:50Hi, everybody.

00:48:51How you doing?

00:48:52G'day.

00:48:54David, you have the most incredible life story.

00:48:57Do you mind sharing a little bit about your childhood and how it shaped your own mental health?

00:49:03So I was born in Adelaide.

00:49:05Both my parents were 16 years old and this is in 1973.

00:49:11So it was a very different time.

00:49:13And my grandmother came in and she adopted me and raised me as her son.

00:49:18So I was brought up thinking that she was my mother.

00:49:21I also thought that my mother was my sister.

00:49:23My father, he went on to be in Cold Chisel.

00:49:29He was busy.

00:49:30It wasn't until Jane Barnes married my dad, Jimmy.

00:49:36And she's like, he has to be a part of our family.

00:49:39And after that, my grandmother said to me, you need to know that Jimmy is your dad.

00:49:46My dad was the biggest rock star in the country.

00:49:49But then she said that, uh, but that your sister is your mother.

00:49:55I was 10 years old.

00:49:56I just found out all of this information and I shut down.

00:50:00I did not cope with it.

00:50:02I did not know how to process it.

00:50:03And that was the beginning I can tell of trauma that lasted for a long, long time for me.

00:50:09David, will you tell us a bit about the mental health challenges that you experienced subsequent

00:50:16to or even during this period?

00:50:18I was an extremely anxious child.

00:50:21A lot of the anxiety I felt before then was probably to do with the ADHD, not being diagnosed.

00:50:29Everything else I found out made it worse.

00:50:32Trauma about change, inherent neediness that Ali knows all too well.

00:50:36You're trying to navigate all of this family drama and you've got a mullet and acne.

00:50:42It's really difficult.

00:50:44And then I was scared to tell people because I didn't want them to judge me differently.

00:50:50David, you are now really close with your dad, Jimmy Barnes, but that hasn't been an easy road.

00:50:56I know along the way on both sides, there's been abuse of alcohol.

00:51:03Yeah.

00:51:04You know, there's the picture that I had on my wall and probably a lot of other Aussie

00:51:08kids and men did too of him at the last stand holding up a bottle of vodka and a towel.

00:51:15And that sort of masculinity that he was showing

00:51:20was kind of toxic.

00:51:22You know, and so I thought that was how you had to act, particularly when you become a singer.

00:51:29You know, they throw free booze at you and the wilder you act, you get rewarded.

00:51:35And so by the time I realised I was starting to have more and more of a problem with booze,

00:51:40it had already latched on.

00:51:47So then when I had Leo, my oldest, one morning we're having our first holiday as a family

00:51:53and I couldn't stop being sick.

00:51:56I didn't feel like I drank that much compared to what I have drunk in the past.

00:51:59I almost didn't make the flight.

00:52:03And it was tough because I heard my son say, Dad's not well.

00:52:12I looked at Lisa and I said, I'm done.

00:52:14I can't have him see me that way.

00:52:17He's three.

00:52:17I won't let that be a memory for him.

00:52:21Like all the memories that I can close my eyes and see in my head of my family, both sides,

00:52:28going through the same motions, the same cycles time and time again.

00:52:32Something has to give here.

00:52:33And so if that's me not drinking, then that's fine.

00:52:37And that was it.

00:52:38That was it.

00:52:38Last time you had a drink.

00:52:41Your journey, challenges, how you, you know, come to sobriety, all that sort of stuff.

00:52:47Right.

00:52:48Very much our journey.

00:52:49You guys are sober too?

00:52:50Yeah.

00:52:51Congratulations.

00:52:52Five years.

00:52:53I'm so pleased for you both.

00:52:57You've battled alcohol abuse, anxiety, ADHD.

00:53:02So how do you parent specifically around mental health?

00:53:07We talk about our emotions if we're feeling frustrated at something.

00:53:11We're like, guys, we're just, we're not having a good day today.

00:53:13We're just tired.

00:53:14It's really hard.

00:53:15Us talking about our own mental health, I think, allows them to talk about theirs.

00:53:19You know, tell us what you're feeling.

00:53:21If it gets overwhelming, let's not fight.

00:53:23Everybody calm down.

00:53:25Tell me what's going on.

00:53:26I may not be able to solve this, but let's try.

00:53:29And sometimes that means they've got to cry.

00:53:31Boys have got to cry.

00:53:32Otherwise they just keep it all pent up.

00:53:35Oh man, I wish I had that ability when I was his age.

00:53:38I also don't give them too much details.

00:53:41I knew too much at a young age about too many traumas.

00:53:45You still need to have a good boundary there.

00:53:47Yeah.

00:53:48I want them to have structure and I want them to know that they're safe.

00:53:51So many of us didn't have a perfect childhood.

00:53:57It is good to know it's never too late to break that cycle and change course for the sake of our kids.

00:54:03Everybody, can we just give a big round of applause and a big thank you to David Campbell, Father of the Year.

00:54:18Coming up, how do our kids respond when fear takes hold?

00:54:23I don't want, I don't want to.

00:54:25And when they need you most.

00:54:27Don't think about it. Don't look down.

00:54:28That's fine. It's safe.

00:54:30Are you ready to lead?

00:54:33Plus, the panel vote.

00:54:35We could go to a tie here.

00:54:36Who knows how this is going to play out?

00:54:46We're talking mental health and how we lay good foundations

00:54:49while equipping our kids to understand it, talk about it and manage it.

00:54:56Parenting is all about lifting our kids up.

00:55:00But what happens when they are literally hanging in the air?

00:55:05For our final challenge, one child from each family is taken on a thrilling, high-flying adventure.

00:55:13Meanwhile, their families are on the sidelines offering encouragement.

00:55:17This isn't just about your children's bravery.

00:55:21It's about how parents coach their kids through fear and anxiety, looking at the tactics that you're going to enlist.

00:55:29In Australia, anxiety disorders are the most common mental health issue among children 14 and up.

00:55:37Ironically, facing fears can help to reduce anxiety.

00:55:43Avoidance, on the other hand, reinforces anxiety.

00:55:47This challenge will reveal how the focus parents coach their children during a potentially scary situation.

00:55:55What tools are they going to use to encourage their kids to do the risky thing?

00:55:58I haven't got a text.

00:56:04Life can throw some big challenges.

00:56:07Can you support Jasper as he takes a huge leap?

00:56:10Jasper!

00:56:11Jasper!

00:56:12Why me?

00:56:14You're the chosen one.

00:56:16You can do it, buddy!

00:56:17You can do it, you can do it!

00:56:18How exciting!

00:56:18Let's go!

00:56:20In this challenge, the children will ascend to the top of a tall structure.

00:56:25And with Hearts Racing, it is up to the parents to help them build up the courage to take the plunge.

00:56:31Welcome to the Great Aussie Bush Camp, buddy.

00:56:34Your leap of faith challenge today is to get pulled up 13 metres,

00:56:38and you're going to pull a ripcord and go for an exhilarating giant swing in this area here and over the lake.

00:56:44How does that sound?

00:56:45Scary.

00:56:46Sounds scary?

00:56:48As life school parents, it is extremely important that our kids push themselves

00:56:53and take themselves out of their comfort zone.

00:56:56You know, I'm scared of heights.

00:56:58I'm going to pass out.

00:57:01Remember when we went on that big gorge walk and we went right to the top,

00:57:06and we were like, who's going to jump from this height?

00:57:08What did you say?

00:57:09There's no growth in your comfort zone?

00:57:11Yeah.

00:57:13This is not past your limits, because I've seen you jump off that rock climb.

00:57:18Most of our fears that we get is more our mind taking over rather than reality itself.

00:57:26How do you feel?

00:57:27Nervous.

00:57:29Nervous is normal.

00:57:32Oh, I'm going to shh.

00:57:33That's all right.

00:57:34All right, Jasper.

00:57:36When you're ready, buddy.

00:57:37You want to go again, or...?

00:57:41No.

00:57:42Oh!

00:57:42Woo-hoo!

00:57:43Woo-hoo!

00:57:44Woo-hoo!

00:57:45Woo-hoo!

00:57:46Woo-hoo!

00:57:46Well done!

00:57:47Easy as, isn't it?

00:57:48You want to go again, or...?

00:57:53No!

00:57:53Oh!

00:57:54Oh, my God!

00:58:05Oh, my God!

00:58:08As Positivity Parents, it isn't that big of a deal whether the kids do something or not.

00:58:14What is important to us is them giving it a go.

00:58:17You get to pull a little cord, release yourself, and go for an epic swing.

00:58:23I'm so excited.

00:58:26You guys have to do this after I do it.

00:58:28No chance.

00:58:29Let's go, Mila.

00:58:31So you're not even scared one single bit.

00:58:33Look at you.

00:58:34Oh, my God, yay!

00:58:35I think Mila was very sure of herself because of the way we do parent her.

00:58:41You know, doing our positive affirmations is incredible for building their confidence.

00:58:48Three!

00:58:49Two!

00:58:50Let's go, Mim!

00:58:51One!

00:58:55Oh, my God!

00:58:56Oh, my God!

00:58:57Oh, my God!

00:58:57If I went up there, you know how you have to pull?

00:59:00I would have loved if you went up there.

00:59:01I would have just not pulled it.

00:59:02Oh, wow.

00:59:04I'm so proud of you.

00:59:10Yes.

00:59:11High five.

00:59:14I'm scared.

00:59:15It's okay.

00:59:17As authoritative parents, we have very high expectations of our children.

00:59:21I don't think she wants to disappoint us.

00:59:23Mom, if I do this, I get Robux.

00:59:29Robux after this.

00:59:32$10 gift card.

00:59:35We did offer a small amount of virtual money for her to participate.

00:59:41Oh, no.

00:59:47It's scary.

00:59:49It's so high up.

00:59:51Remember what you can get after this?

00:59:54Robux.

00:59:55I'm going to...

00:59:56You are now on the zipline.

00:59:59Go, Stacy.

01:00:00Take a deep breath for me.

01:00:02Whenever you're ready, Stacy.

01:00:03I'm scared.

01:00:04I'm scared.

01:00:06You are now on the zipline.

01:00:08Go, Stacy.

01:00:10Go, Stacy.

01:00:12Go, Stacy.

01:00:14Go, Stacy.

01:00:16I'm proud of you.

01:00:26You're so brave.

01:00:28Great.

01:00:28Well done, guys.

01:00:33Panel parents, what did we think?

01:00:34You did great.

01:00:35All of you did great at the pep talk.

01:00:37But building their courage up to go, you've got this.

01:00:40The Life School family did a great job.

01:00:42I want to steal that line, no growth in your comfort zone.

01:00:45I love that.

01:00:46That was really good.

01:00:47That came from him.

01:00:49I really liked how you explained how they'd done it before

01:00:52and how they could overcome it if they just put their mind to it.

01:00:55I really liked that.

01:00:56You were great.

01:00:56Yeah, good reminder.

01:00:57It was also impressive with the positivity parents that

01:00:59they just got up and straight and did it.

01:01:01Our daughter Mila, she's a very big daredevil.

01:01:03We just had the pleasure of watching her.

01:01:05She was really confident.

01:01:06Yeah, she was.

01:01:07Elvie and Sean, I noticed a little bit of bribery.

01:01:11I felt like Stacy was only pretending because she has done

01:01:14more dangerous right than this.

01:01:17She's probably just trying to get the reward she wants.

01:01:22I think bribery can be a really useful tool

01:01:26just to fully get out their potential.

01:01:30Bribery is the easy way out.

01:01:31Where it becomes more like a transaction.

01:01:33Yeah.

01:01:34We don't feel like that's the right thing to do.

01:01:36Yeah.

01:01:36As upfront parents, we're all for a bribe.

01:01:40When you have four children that need to be in the car at 8.15

01:01:43every morning with their shoes, their bags, their violins, their this,

01:01:46da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

01:01:48Get in the car one time and you can have three lollies at the end.

01:01:52Boom.

01:01:53When it comes to reward, yes, it motivates kids,

01:01:56but what does it motivate them to do?

01:01:58It motivates them not to do the task, but to get the reward.

01:02:03There are better ways to encourage our children.

01:02:05Provide a really clear rationale for why.

01:02:08The high dive looks really big now, but if you try it,

01:02:11you might feel really proud afterwards.

01:02:14When kids associate these tasks with personal satisfaction or joy,

01:02:18you'll find that kids buy in and they don't have to be bribed.

01:02:24We have one more parenting style to have a look at.

01:02:26Shall we see how our hard way parents went with the Dare to Fly Challenge?

01:02:31Here we go. Watch these guys. You can see what you're going to be trying.

01:02:34Wow.

01:02:36As hard way parents, it's always important for the kids to step out of their comfort zone

01:02:40and try something new.

01:02:41And you need to push them and encourage them to do more.

01:02:43Yeah, support them to see how much they're capable of,

01:02:45because they'll surprise you sometimes.

01:02:47Tell me, what are you thinking? Talk to me.

01:02:48I'm really scared and nervous.

01:02:50That's fine. That's fine.

01:02:51Maybe after you do it once, you'll be the master at it.

01:02:53That's right.

01:02:55I knew he was putting on a brave face.

01:02:58Keep looking after him.

01:02:59I think he can.

01:03:00But I know deep down his side, he was scared.

01:03:03Let's go, man, lad.

01:03:04You can do it, man.

01:03:08It's a small platform, not a lot of space up there.

01:03:11Man, let's pretend you're still down the bottom, okay?

01:03:14Take your time. Don't think about it.

01:03:17It's fine. It's safe.

01:03:19Don't think about it. Don't look down.

01:03:22One, two, three. Lean out.

01:03:24You can do it. You can do it.

01:03:24Good boy, man. Good boy.

01:03:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:29It's really scary.

01:03:31Hold on tight.

01:03:32Right now, on the count of three, you're going to jump off.

01:03:34Ready? One, two, three.

01:03:36I don't want to.

01:03:37I don't want to.

01:03:38No.

01:03:47Two, three. Lean out.

01:03:49You can do it. You can do it.

01:03:49You can do it.

01:03:50Good boy, man. Good boy.

01:03:50It's really scary.

01:03:53Right now, on the count of three, you're going to jump off.

01:03:55Ready? One, two, three.

01:03:57Bend your knees.

01:03:57You don't want to?

01:03:58I don't want to.

01:03:58No.

01:04:01That's okay.

01:04:01We're not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do.

01:04:04Do you want to watch someone else go first?

01:04:07Yeah? Should we make your dad have a go first so you can watch him have a go?

01:04:11And then you can go afterwards. How's that sound?

01:04:14Yeah?

01:04:16Put your second hand on the bar.

01:04:19All right, now just bend your knees.

01:04:21It's very high.

01:04:22I am scared, but I have to lead by example.

01:04:27Little jump, little jump, go.

01:04:28Yes.

01:04:30Say nice and easy.

01:04:35See how easy it is?

01:04:36You can do it, buddy.

01:04:37You can do it.

01:04:38That was so much fun.

01:04:40You can do it?

01:04:41I reckon you can too.

01:04:43He's going to do it.

01:04:44Little jump off.

01:04:45Go, go, go.

01:04:45Yeah.

01:04:46Good job.

01:04:50Good job, Alejandra.

01:04:51I'm so proud of you.

01:04:53Nice one.

01:04:58Loved it.

01:04:59You were great role models.

01:05:00There's that fine line between forcing him and encouraging him to go in.

01:05:03That's right.

01:05:04And you did that well.

01:05:04Even if after I had done it, he didn't want to do it?

01:05:05Yeah, we were fine with that.

01:05:06We were totally going to understand that.

01:05:07As long as he saw his dad doing it.

01:05:08I think that's what it's all about too.

01:05:09I like that Hassan led by example.

01:05:12Yeah, I love that he did that.

01:05:18We've had some vital conversations in this room, and we have learned so much from each

01:05:23of our focus parents.

01:05:25Navigating our kids' mental health can be challenging.

01:05:29But tonight's insights and tools will help lighten the load for all of us.

01:05:34Okay, we need to get to our panel discussion.

01:05:37Focus parents, I'll ask you now to please step up and out of the room.

01:05:45Panel parents, back row, come down to the front.

01:05:48We're going to discuss each of the parenting styles and how effectively it lays the foundation

01:05:53for children's long-term emotional resilience and mental well-being.

01:05:58Remember, we're looking for parents who develop autonomy and competence, foster

01:06:05healthy emotional regulation, create a sense of belonging, and encourage resilience and confidence.

01:06:14Let's start by talking about Josh and Cassie.

01:06:18I think there's a lot to learn from the live school parents.

01:06:20And the boys show it really well.

01:06:22They really seem to be well-rounded kids.

01:06:24I think they got through all the challenge points.

01:06:26When the baby was crying, they eventually worked out we have to change it.

01:06:31Like the older boy, you could tell he'd been around that situation.

01:06:35So he kind of had a bit more forward thinking of what to do.

01:06:38I was concerned with the comment one of the boys made about, you know,

01:06:41he has to cry in secrecy.

01:06:43Do you guys cry much?

01:06:44I do. Not too much.

01:06:46Secretly.

01:06:47Even one of Josh's comments was,

01:06:49we've got to be men, we've got to be masculine.

01:06:51That still didn't sit well with me.

01:06:54Elvie and Sean, everything was disciplined.

01:06:57It's like, if you do this, I'll give you this.

01:06:59Or if you don't do this, this will happen.

01:07:02Concentrate, concentrate.

01:07:03I am.

01:07:03I think it's very cultural.

01:07:05I take my hat off to them for implementing what they believe

01:07:09in a culture that doesn't necessarily support that.

01:07:12It must be hard.

01:07:14They're obviously very articulate.

01:07:16I think the answer to having your inner voice was one of the best answers.

01:07:19Mental health is how you feel and how you talk to yourself.

01:07:23They obviously talk about it.

01:07:24So there's a lot of positive things that are happening there.

01:07:26Okay, let's talk about our hard way parents, Amanda and Hassan.

01:07:33The thing I really liked about the trapeze challenge was dad said,

01:07:37you know what?

01:07:37I'm not really great with heights, but I'm going to do this.

01:07:39I'm going to give it a go.

01:07:40Then he gave it a crack.

01:07:41And then, you know, the son follows.

01:07:43Oh, I'm so proud of you.

01:07:45They showed in that domino challenge that they knew Yusuf needed to be removed

01:07:50to that point in time to get the challenge moving forward.

01:07:53I don't think you should reward kids to having a tantrum.

01:07:56I don't agree with rewarding bad behaviour.

01:08:00Our positivity parents.

01:08:02I wrote down that they might have been a bit too involved with some of the tasks.

01:08:05Teamwork makes the dream work.

01:08:08Are we doing teamwork right now?

01:08:10But the girls are still young.

01:08:11When my kids were five, I probably was hands-on too.

01:08:14Yeah.

01:08:14You can't criticise how confident the girls are.

01:08:17Yeah.

01:08:20Eldest daughter just got in there, gave it a go.

01:08:23It was quick, sharp.

01:08:24Three, two, one, bang, and she's off.

01:08:25Here's a challenge.

01:08:26Go in the other, pull it.

01:08:27Easy.

01:08:29All right, well, I think we've had some really good discussion around

01:08:31which parenting style handled mental health the best.

01:08:35Return to your seats.

01:08:37We are ready to bring the focus parents back in.

01:08:45Focus parents.

01:08:46The panel has talked it out and they are ready to share their thoughts.

01:08:53Nathan and Joanne, our traditional parents.

01:08:56We agonise over it because there's so many great points to take.

01:09:00We ended up going with the life school parents, Josh and Cassie.

01:09:04Looking at your boys, there's so much evidence of how resilient they are.

01:09:09You know, when they interact with each other and everything else,

01:09:12that's a really good marker for us in terms of their mental health.

01:09:18We believe the positivity parents was best aligned with mental health.

01:09:22We really like the confidence of your young girls.

01:09:26And that says a lot about, obviously, the conversations you've had with them.

01:09:30Even if they're sometimes saying the wrong thing, they've got a voice and they're not afraid

01:09:34to use it.

01:09:35And that's important for mental health.

01:09:37I think you've all done amazing.

01:09:40But we've also chosen the positivity parents.

01:09:42I think when it comes to mental health, you guys are nailing it.

01:09:45You've done really well.

01:09:46The main thing that I loved was the daily affirmations.

01:09:48I think that's so beautiful.

01:09:49Thank you very much.

01:09:51Well done positivity.

01:09:52I mean, we could go to a tie here.

01:09:54Who knows how this is going to play out?

01:09:56It all comes down to you, Mark and Tammy.

01:09:58You've got the deciding vote.

01:10:01It was really difficult.

01:10:03The family that we probably learnt the most about mental health was from the life school parents.

01:10:10And we saw the connections that they have and the ability that they have to be able to just

01:10:14get stuff done and problem solve and work through things.

01:10:19Awesome.

01:10:20Thank you for the feedback.

01:10:22That is a tie for the first time ever in parental guidance's history.

01:10:26The parents with the best parental guidance when it comes to building good mental health are

01:10:31positivity parents Nick and Sophia.

01:10:35And our life school parents Josh and Cassie.

01:10:42Appreciate the feedback from, you know, fellow parental peers.

01:10:46I'm just so happy that we are all here and we're all talking about mental health.

01:10:51We're all learning, but at the end of the day, mental health is the most important thing.

01:10:55You've tackled some of the hardest parenting conversations head on.

01:11:03And if there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that parenting is always evolving.

01:11:10By having these conversations and learning from each other, we walk away better equipped,

01:11:16more confident and ready to guide our kids through whatever the modern world throws at them.

01:11:21For me, the experience was an eye opener because you are your children's biggest role model.

01:11:29You are the person that they're looking to every single day for guidance.

01:11:33Group hug.

01:11:35You know, nobody's perfect and I have definitely learned something from that.

01:11:39I will go home being a better parent thanks to what I've heard from you in this room.

01:11:51If anything in this program has raised concerns for you or someone you know,

01:11:59please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.au

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