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00:00Some of us go through that stuff and it gives us deep scars.
00:05We can't stop thinking about it.
00:07And if we want to forgive some people who made us so broke from inside,
00:13death seems easier for us.
00:18So how to heal?
00:19Unnecessary hurt.
00:21And it's a very popular thing, very filmy thing.
00:24We think of romance as heavenly, divine.
00:26It is very easy to let a person become your life.
00:29It is very easy to let a person sit at the central place in your life.
00:35But you will never be internally deeply hurt.
00:38Maybe you will suffer losses.
00:40But those losses will not be very deep.
00:43The top thing goes to the top one.
00:50Good evening, sir.
00:52Sir, my question to you is,
00:54Sir, we feel very tough in today's life.
00:58Like we hear a lot of painful stories.
01:02Some of us go through that stuff.
01:05And which gives us deep scars.
01:10Sir, how to come...
01:15How to come from that pain?
01:19If we think about that pain,
01:21then there is more pain.
01:23But we can't stop thinking about it.
01:25And if we want to forgive some people,
01:28who made us so broke from inside,
01:32that death seems easier for us.
01:38Sir, how to heal?
01:45Thank you for the question.
01:46Thank you, sir.
01:47I will focus on the part of the question that deals with hurt and forgiveness.
01:58See, the more you allow someone to become the very centre of your life, your very identity,
02:13the more will be the hurt, the deeper will be the wound.
02:20When that person deserts or disappoints you, please understand.
02:31We talk of forgetting and forgiving in relationships.
02:39We talk of forgetting, forgiving.
02:42But none of that is possible if you remain hurt.
02:49And if you are indeed hurt and are yet talking of forgetting, forgiving, then it is a mere pretence.
02:56As long as it is hurting within, it will remain impossible to forgive.
03:02Then you can pretend that you are forgetting, forgiving, fine.
03:08And sometimes you have no option but to pretend.
03:11Because you can anyway not extract revenge.
03:15That other person might be in a powerful position and there is no way you can even up against him.
03:24So, you say no, I have forgiven that person.
03:26I don't want any, any revenge or retribution.
03:32The thing is forgiveness is not possible.
03:34Forgiveness is not possible as long as you remain hurt.
03:39And you will remain hurt when your very identity is tied to an unworthy object.
03:50That unworthy object, that unworthy object will change its association, rise, fall, not act according to your expectations and then they will be hurt.
04:05No person, no thought deserves to become the centre of your life.
04:16At least not too quickly.
04:21Not too quickly.
04:23Not too quickly.
04:24They do not deserve to.
04:25They, they, they must never be raised to that point.
04:28And if you raise them to that point and then they don't go by your desires and expectations, then you have only yourself to blame.
04:42The more someone starts meaning to me, the more I feel betrayed when that person disappoints.
04:53Is that not true?
04:55Is that not true?
04:57Huh?
04:58Yes.
04:59Your first meaning, your centre most position, that should be accorded to something that can never disappoint you.
05:12And that something is rarely a someone.
05:20That something in the case of a devoted scientist would be science.
05:26That something in the case of a devoted sports person would be sports.
05:31That something in the case of a devoted writer would be his work, his books, his articles, essays, poems.
05:42In the case of a spiritual seeker that something will be the pure self.
05:55And that something is what must always have the central position in your life.
06:02That position must always be very rigorously defended and reserved.
06:12No vacancy here.
06:13No vacancy here.
06:14No vacancy here.
06:16The first slot is reserved.
06:19Others can come and occupy number two, number three, number four, number five.
06:27The first slot is reserved.
06:30Others can occupy other slots.
06:33The hurt that one gets in relationships is a consequence of allowing someone to occupy the
06:42first slot, the central place in your life.
06:48No person should have central place in your life.
06:55The top thing goes to the top one.
07:00The top place is for the top one.
07:03Number two, three, four, five, six, seven.
07:06They can go to other individuals, tasks, priorities, whatever.
07:14Not the number one slot.
07:19We behave otherwise.
07:22We give the top slot to an undeserving person.
07:27Actually, no person is deserving enough to get the top slot.
07:30So, in that sense, everybody is undeserving.
07:34In that sense, everybody is undeserving.
07:36And you give someone the top slot and people are not eternal.
07:40You want total certainty with something that is eternal and timeless.
07:45Something that can never disappoint you, betray you.
07:50And that kind of behaviour a person cannot display.
07:57So, you have put a misfit up there.
08:02And that misfit will soon disappoint, disappear perhaps.
08:11And then there will be great hurt.
08:13And when there is great hurt, then you say it is not even worth continuing to live, suicide
08:20is better than life, all those things.
08:22No, no, no.
08:23Don't end life.
08:25Correct life.
08:28Improve life.
08:30The hurt that you have received is a result of your own lack of understanding about the nature
08:38of life.
08:40This is an opportunity to rather understand life.
08:43It is an opportunity to not let the previous mistakes be repeated.
08:51Instead, when a person betrays us, we feel the problem was with that particular person.
08:59No, the problem is with a person occupying the top slot.
09:07The problem is not with a particular person.
09:10The problem is with the very concept of having a person at the centre of your heart.
09:16You do that and you are opening yourself to unnecessary hurt.
09:24Unnecessary hurt.
09:26On the other hand, if your top slot is secured and you are betrayed by number 234567, then
09:35you will be bruised, wounded, but you will never be internally deeply hurt.
09:41Maybe you will suffer losses, but those losses will not be very deep.
09:47The core of your being will remain secured because nothing has been displaced from there.
09:53No inner internal loss has happened.
09:56It is a very good question.
09:58Coming at your stage, your background, your age, it becomes very easy and it is a very,
10:07very popular thing, very filmy thing.
10:10We think of romance as heavenly divine.
10:15It is very easy to let a person become your life.
10:20It is very easy to let a person sit at the centre of your universe.
10:26But if you do that, you are making a very common, very, very primitive and a very hurtful mistake.
10:38So, so, avoid. Yes.
10:45Hello Achari ji.
10:47My name is Arvind Rajahoth.
10:49I am a professor here in Manit.
10:51First of all, welcome for coming here.
10:55So, this could be about the majority.
10:57There is an individual goal in it.
10:59Like individual goals of an institute.
11:02If I talk about the educational system, there is a student.
11:06The student has their own goals.
11:08They want to go for placement.
11:10There is a faculty.
11:11They have their own goals.
11:13Some are related to careers and are being defined.
11:16Related to the institute's policy.
11:18Like how many projects to take.
11:20How many papers to do.
11:22And then that goal is based on national policy.
11:25Some are related to careers and are being defined.
11:28Related to the institute's policy.
11:30Like how many projects to take.
11:32How many papers to do.
11:33And then that goal is based on national policy.
11:36In which we can see differences of this kind.
11:38Like between Harvard and Trump.
11:40Where there can be disputes.
11:42There can be differences at this level.
11:44Where there is talk of stopping Harvard's funding.
11:47So obviously the national policies affect them.
11:50Then there is the market.
11:52So at so many levels.
11:53The different fragmentations that are seen.
11:55It appears as an educational system.
11:58How many parts is this divided into.
12:00And is there any solution to it.
12:02Can I operate by looking at it as a whole.
12:06Integrally.
12:07And on the other hand.
12:09It seems that if this is everything.
12:11Then it keeps us busy with arrangements.
12:14But what arrangements are they making.
12:17The question is.
12:19In the education system.
12:21There are multiple stakeholders.
12:23And each one.
12:25Has.
12:26A separate set of priorities.
12:29Right.
12:31The government.
12:32The central government issues a set of guidelines.
12:35And.
12:36They have a certain.
12:38Policy that they want to get implemented.
12:41The NEP is there for example.
12:43And various kinds of forces.
12:45Including religious and cultural forces.
12:48Have stakes in the NEP.
12:49Then it comes to the students.
12:51Who have their own priorities.
12:53That relate to placements.
12:54And.
12:55Higher education.
12:56After graduation.
12:57Then there are parents.
12:59Who have their own priorities.
13:00Then there is the market.
13:02That says.
13:03You should teach.
13:04That.
13:05Which is currently.
13:06Being practiced by us.
13:08So that your students.
13:09Are employable with us.
13:10He is saying.
13:11There are.
13:12So many stakeholders.
13:13And not.
13:14All of them have.
13:15All of them have.
13:16Aligning priorities.
13:17What do we do?
13:18Okay.
13:19What do we do?
13:21We have so many.
13:25Of us here.
13:26Right.
13:27So many of us here.
13:28And.
13:29We all are separate individuals.
13:32Distinct personalities.
13:33Right.
13:34Coming from different backgrounds.
13:35Coming from different backgrounds.
13:37Right.
13:38Before the stage was occupied, what were we doing?
13:49Let us say we have 500 or 700 of us here.
13:54What were these 500 people doing before the stage was occupied?
14:02Looking hither, dither, this way, that way, talking to each other, getting up, looking
14:09for a better chair to sit on, trying to locate where one's friend is sitting, there's a pretty
14:17face there, this one, where's that one come from?
14:22All those things, right?
14:23All that was happening, all that was happening and that's personal priorities and that would
14:28happen.
14:29And someone would say, you know, the speaker is not yet there.
14:33So let me till that time, scroll a little, so many of you would be busy with Instagram.
14:41And all of that was happening in this hall itself because we have 500 different universes here.
14:48We have 500 different sets of priorities here, right?
14:53All that was happening.
14:55In fact, if there would have been 20% people would have been looking in this direction
15:01because someone loves videography or cameras, so what make is this one?
15:07Which particular model is this one?
15:09And that one?
15:10And wow, fascinating.
15:12And someone likes something else and someone is looking at the exit door.
15:16And someone is saying, okay, fine, I have to complete an assignment and carrying a notebook
15:20and doing something.
15:21And all those things are happening.
15:22There is so much divergence, no?
15:24There is so much divergence.
15:27One does not see any kind of alignment.
15:32But what happened the moment the stage got occupied?
15:38What happened the moment the stage got occupied?
15:41Now, all of you are still very, very different personalities.
15:46How come all of you are looking in one common direction now?
15:51How is it possible?
15:57Because something more important has appeared in front of us.
16:03And then your personal priorities become secondary or subservient.
16:09You say all that can be kept aside.
16:13Something important and something so important that it is important to everybody equally is
16:22now seen.
16:25And then you can leave other things aside.
16:26Most of us that is.
16:28Some of us might still be busy with Instagram.
16:33Are you kidding it?
16:35In spite of all our differences, there is something certainly that we all commonly value.
16:45If that is revealed, then these contradictions are taken care of.
16:54Then the fault lines disappear.
16:57Otherwise, there are only contradictions and contradictions.
17:02And that one will say, I have that thing that I value more.
17:06And this one will say, I have that thing that I value more.
17:09And there will never be a common meeting point.
17:14The common meeting point is greatness itself.
17:17Vedanta calls that as Atman, the true self.
17:22Only that is what is common between all individuals.
17:25Only that and if you cannot have that in life, then all you will have is divisions, conflicts, contradictions, disagreements.
17:39And dissipation of energy.
17:42Because one half is trying to go this way, the other half is trying to go this way.
17:46And there is a lot of wastage, there has to be an overarching vision.
17:57The education system has to include something that everyone can be ready to lay down his or
18:06for her life for and I am not talking of indoctrination.
18:16I am talking of revelation.
18:19I am talking of really knowing what life is worth living for.
18:26And that is the only point of unity, commonness, cohesiveness.
18:32Otherwise, we all are distinctly different people.
18:40Our houses are different, our regions might be different, the level of caste etc. we are
18:45different, our backgrounds are different, genders, age wise, economics, everything is different.
18:56And when there is so much difference and diversity, even disparity, how will you come to a commonness?
19:05That commonness is what is the subject matter of all philosophy, particularly Vedanta.
19:18If you want to unite two people coming from different religions, different countries of
19:23different age, different gender, whatever.
19:28If you want to really unite them, then both of them have to be devoted to one common thing.
19:37And that one common thing is the only thing worth living for.
19:41Otherwise, A and B can never be united.
19:45They will just keep fighting with each other.
19:49If you want to unite A and B, show both of them that the purpose of their life is C.
19:59And then they both will rise towards a common point.
20:04So, you will get both arise and commonness.
20:09Here is A and A is very different from B.
20:14A is very different from B and A and B can never meet.
20:20But show A that you are born to reach C and show B that you too are born to reach C.
20:25And then these two lines will keep converging.
20:31That is the only way to achieve unity.
20:33And that is the only level at which unity is possible.
20:35All other kinds of unities are superficial and very fragile, very fragile.
20:47If the government is thinking of securing the next term.
20:51If the market is thinking of salvaging the next quarter.
20:55If the institution is thinking of doing better in the rankings next year.
21:00Or getting a better crop of students the next year.
21:04If the placement department is saying how do I raise the average CTC.
21:12There is no way they can come together, yes the system will somehow function.
21:17But with a lot of wastage, lot of wastage.
21:23But when, when there is this C present.
21:28Then all these stakeholders work commonly towards C in their respective ways.
21:34The ways are different but all of them then try to rise towards that same point.
21:39What that same point is that cannot be easily defined.
21:47That point, that point in the sky is what we are born for.
21:52That point in the sky if loved is that which gives you unlimited energy to carry on in spite
21:59of obstacles.
22:00Are you getting it?
22:06This happens in the interactions between various departments of an institution.
22:12It happens in the interactions between various ministries of a government.
22:18It happens in the interactions between various members of a family.
22:25You see we think in a family situation let's say, we think we like each other, we love each
22:31other.
22:32See loving each other directly is not possible because A and B, A and B they are different
22:39at the level of personality and therefore they will always have different priorities.
22:45And that's why even in relationships love is so difficult.
22:49A and B can truly love each other only via C. A loves C and B loves C and hence A and B keep
22:58coming closer and closer.
22:59That's the only way to have agreement and unity in any kind of relationship, formal or informal.
23:10When A and B directly try to approach each other then that's like 2 protons trying to come close.
23:19Won't happen.
23:21In fact the closer they come the more energy it will require to bring them yet closer.
23:29But both these protons are silently in love with the electron there, C. If both of them can
23:42move towards that then the distance between them will reduce.
23:52The only problem is that we are great lovers but the love is silent.
23:56We do not even know that we love and therefore the hidden love, the unexpressed love keeps
24:04eating us from within and destroys life.
24:10I stay in London UK and right now I'm visiting India.
24:15This was my first session today and it was really really nice to see first hand like not a recording
24:26because I've been following Acharya Ji for about 2 years now and I've read his books and it was
24:33really lovely to see first hand live.
24:37The most beautiful thing I find about Acharya Ji is how he gets into every single word about
24:44informing, the definition of understanding and the thing he said is when you define, the definition
24:54of understanding is it ends desire.
24:56Once you break it, it automatically ends desire because you see the whole and soul part of it.
25:02Again, I'm a professional in terms of, I'm a diabetic coach working in NHS so I keep telling
25:10this to everyone where I say you graduate step by step, graduate step by step, you don't go
25:15from zero goal to ten goal directly and he put it so simply in terms of facing fear and I was
25:24like so amazing I mean these are few reflections that I got from him and yeah I mean his reflections
25:35always stick with me that's why I implement them, I don't kind of write them, I make voice
25:39notes for this but yeah I'm very thankful for this session.
25:54what do you think?
26:00It does not know.
26:02Turning left
26:10by
26:12dispositivo
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