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TVTranscript
01:38It's nearly seven o'clock, my dear.
01:41Heaven will be here for supper soon.
01:43My God, you give me a fright, creeping up and fucked like that.
02:09Did you get that blooming poison from my moles?
02:11Of course I did.
02:13Well, where is it, girl?
02:14On the kitchen table.
02:15Aren't you all me for 15p?
02:22Peanut.
02:23Peanut.
02:24No, thank you, Miss.
02:38I think I'm into trouble with the old moles, I see.
02:41Little blighters can't seem to get rid of them.
02:43You're sure it's right to publish it.
02:47Well, I bought the manuscript along.
02:48She can have a look at it and see what she thinks.
02:50In my opinion, this is the finer book she's ever written.
02:52I've always thought so.
02:54But anyway, she doesn't want to.
02:56Let's just leave it.
02:58Plenty of great detectives outlive their creators.
03:01Why shouldn't Hercule Poirot?
03:02Over my dead body.
03:06Well, I suppose it would be, wouldn't it?
03:13Down, Bunga.
03:13Go on with you.
03:14Hello, Edmund.
03:16Trying to kill me off, too?
03:18Agatha, you look marvelous.
03:19Oh, don't be so silly.
03:21Have you brought the murder weapon with you?
03:24I have.
03:24Thank you, my dear.
03:25That's lovely.
03:25The owner's ready when you are.
03:27Thank you, Sally.
03:28Come on, Edmund.
03:29Let's go and eat.
03:30I'm famished.
03:30Don't forget your box of tricks.
03:33I've got a really special bottle of carrot for you.
03:49Oh, dear.
03:50Oh, Edmund, do stop it.
03:52Anyway, so the propter gave the line again.
03:54A little lounger this time.
03:56And still the actors all stood there.
03:58Not a word.
03:59So he said it again.
04:00And then someone in the stalls even called out the line.
04:04Still no response.
04:05Well, you can imagine.
04:06By this time, the poor old pomter was getting a bit browned off.
04:10So finally, he took a deep breath and just yelled the line out.
04:13The witch boy, dear old Charles, turned to the wings and said in that wonderful, booming voice of his,
04:20My dear boy, Mrs. Christie's place, we performed in this theater for the past 20 years.
04:27We all know perfectly well what the line is.
04:30We've simply forgotten to set it.
04:33I don't think that's at all funny.
04:37They're supposed to be professionals.
04:38They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
04:40They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
04:41Thank you, Sally.
04:44Well, Edmund, we've had the old softening her up routine.
04:50That's usually a sign that you're going to spring something perfectly horrid.
04:53It is your opinion, Sir Max tells me, that the time has come to kill the goose that lays the golden eggs.
05:23Sally, be able to unclose the doors, would you?
05:36It's getting rather chilly.
05:53Agatha?
06:02What?
06:03You know, snap out of it.
06:08Ah, the witch, little man.
06:11It's always been so much trouble.
06:15How is it Miss Marple's never upset me at all, not ever?
06:19Her books have always been so, well, so easy.
06:23But the Poirot always upsets me so.
06:27Completely unbearable.
06:31You know, Edmund, when I wrote this, I really meant...
06:38Well, anyway, what's it like after all this?
06:42What is it, 30 years?
06:4435.
06:4535?
06:47Huh?
06:48I seem dreadfully dated.
06:50Well, there are one, two tiny, little things.
06:53Well, it stands out marvellously.
06:55Of course it does.
06:56It was written with passion.
06:57I enjoyed every minute of it.
07:01So you and Billy Collins and the rest have decided that the old girl's not going to come up with anything else.
07:07So we might as well let her little Belgian friend kick the bucket, too.
07:11She's only pulling her leg, Edmund.
07:15I'm not, actually.
07:19Yes, Agatha.
07:20I think we ought to publish.
07:22Publish and be damned.
07:30Naturally, you'll need to read it first.
07:32Oh, that's a silly old fusspot.
07:35Well, I expect you two want to gossip.
07:39Well, I'll just take this and disappear.
07:42Here we are.
07:55Dear Edmund, you've always been so good to me.
08:03I bet you two come disturbingly.
08:05We will.
08:05It's all in all a pretty gloomy weather prospect.
08:16That's it, then.
08:17A very good night, too.
08:19On BBC Two now, read all about it.
08:21While here on One, it's Kojak.
08:22Who is there who hasn't felt a sudden startle pan
08:48at reliving an old experience
08:52or feeling an old emotion?
08:54Who is there who has been so good?
09:54Bingo! Bingo! Bingo, what is it? Bingo? Bingo!
10:24Bingo, what is it? Bingo!
10:54Bingo, what is it?
11:03My dear madam, I beg you to excuse me for deranging you at this most inappropriate hour.
11:12What in heaven's name?
11:15How I wish I could say that my visit was purely of a social nature.
11:20Unfortunately, it is a matter of the...
11:27Bingo! No! Bingo!
11:31Bingo! Oh dear! Bingo! No!
11:36Oh dear, you can't Bingo like that.
11:42I suppose you'd better come in.
12:01This is quite impossible.
12:03Do come in, Monsieur Poirot.
12:05Please sit down. I'll be back in a moment.
12:07Where are they all?
12:09Tally?
12:13Tally?
12:20Tally?
12:21Tally?
12:40Tally?
12:44Tally?
12:45i'm so sorry it's quite extraordinary everyone's disappeared please sit down monsieur furrow
13:09you're making me nervous do you not think my dear agatha that after all these years
13:15we might be on how do you say first name terms you know perfectly well how we say i'm sorry i've never
13:23been any good at first names besides nobody calls you hercule you're poirot as you wish
13:30nevertheless madame i should prefer if you do not insist to remain for the moment standing
13:37what a charming room poirot i really would be most grateful if you would kindly tell me what
13:45on earth you're doing here hello there is as you well know madame only one reason as a rule
13:51for a visit from the great uh quill poirot you're investigating a crime a crime of the most
13:59serious sort you mean murder murder madame but who please madame only in good time
14:08it is my habit is it not to investigate a murder what it has been committed but a particular case
14:17that brings me here tonight is however of a rather different sort for the murder in question has yet
14:23to take place that's absurd i think not surely it is better to investigate the murder before it has
14:31been committed rather than afterwards perhaps one can use the little gray cells to prevent such a
14:36murder from taking place oh i do wish you'd hurry up and get to the point bottom ah the point
14:43the point my dear agatha is that we have here a most interesting and unusual case
14:51for we know not only that a murder is to be committed we know also the identity of the victim
14:59moreover we are fortunate enough to know the identity of the murderer
15:12oh for goodness sake do get on with it you are educated that is but natural let us however for a moment
15:22reflect reflect let us use our reason and consider what we know about this murder and what we do not know
15:33let us use as i said our little gray cells
15:37we do not know
15:50let us begin with those elements that we do not know
15:55first of all we do not know when the murder is to take place secondly we do not know how it is to take place
16:01thirdly we do not know and i'm sure you would agree madame that this is the most intriguing and
16:07important question for from it all else stems we do not know why it is to take place in short madame we do
16:18not know the motive for the murder oh well how exciting so i'm to help the great air cube
16:27poirot solve a real live murder yes a real live one oh come on let's get on with it tell me who is
16:34the intended victim the intended victim my dear agatha is myself
16:47how marvelous how absolutely marvelous tell me who is the murderer no no don't tell me
16:57let me guess is it someone like that mad scientist woman you know madame olivier
17:05the one who nearly got you in the big four when you pretended your last cigarette was a blowpipe
17:11with a poison dart at the end is it someone like her
17:17that is not beat under the bush about come about the bush i think you know quite well my dear agatha
17:23who is the murderer
17:34what may i ask madame is that oh nothing just another sausage from the old sausage machine
17:49pardon that's what i used to say to edmund here you are i'd say another sausage from the sausage
17:56machine sausage a manuscript a new book ah bon
18:01might i um be so bold as to inquire whether i hercule poirot figure in this sausage oh good lord no
18:13certainly not actually it's not much good i don't know that i shall even let him have it probably scrap it
18:19i should think it is then i imagine one of your miss marple books yes that's right absolutely
18:26a miss marple rather a silly one really may have a look no
18:31lady agatha you seem i'm pretty straight forgive me if i upset you don't be so silly it's just that i
18:42i don't like people reading my manuscript
18:45why agatha i beg your pardon i said why why do you want to kill me this is absurd it's getting very
19:01late monsieur potter i really must insist sit down
19:05it is of course not surprising madame that someone with such experience in the matter of
19:16murder as yourself when confronted with a straightforward accusation does not immediately
19:21decide to make a clean bosom of it rest exactly
19:27so i see that we must proceed along the conventional lines
19:30and let us calmly examine the facts and arrange them in their proper order
19:38those of importance we will put on one side those of no importance
19:43blow them away first of all we know that the celebrated writer madame agatha christie plans to
19:51publish a book in which eros the internationally famous belgian detective hercule poirot is to be
19:57killed thus as i said we know both the murderer and our intended victim secondly we know that this book
20:07the manuscript of which is locked in this bookcase
20:12it was written not recently as the writer and their publishers will no doubt claim
20:17but a great many years ago if i might hazard a guess i would say just before the second world war
20:25how how you are going to ask do i hercule poirot arrive at such a conclusion
20:33quite sick
20:35first the paper of the manuscript is yellow and of a quality that alas is no longer to be found today
20:43second for some years now you have not typed your own manuscripts preferring
20:47to use instead what i believe you call a dictaphone
20:50it is clearly evident that this particular manuscript has been typed in your own idiosyncratic hand
20:56thirdly the brown paper bag in which it was kept bears the name of a shop in germine street which
21:02was at the beginning of the war bombed the shop has never reopened it seems unlikely that it not madame
21:10that you would be employing such a bag some 35 years later to contain a manuscript which was only recently
21:18written the significance of the fact that you wrote this book so many years ago will of course not be
21:24lost on you had you produced it by example this year or last year one might excuse it as you wish
21:31albeit the misguided one to see how two great careers dominate at approximately the same time
21:37if however it was written in 1939
21:411940
21:45that throws a very different light on the matter for i as you madam was then at the very pinnacle of my
21:52career which brings us to the interesting question of motif
21:58why you wanted to kill me
21:59it's really terribly easy to explain terribly easy please sit down
22:11you see
22:13hercules it was wartime you of all people who came to england as a refugee must know what it feels like
22:21it's a very emotional time we were bombed you know we were aware at the time but we were actually
22:28bombed three houses on the other side of sheffield terrace not flat one begins to think that at any
22:34moment it might be one's own turn to die i suddenly realized that the germans might drop a bomb on me and
22:41then bang i'd be gone and where would that leave you stranded in limbo or worse still
22:50a prey to writers who would exploit you not look after you properly like they did to poor james bond
22:58and that would be so humiliating so i decided to write a book that would finish you off well
23:07decently you know just in case oh there was no intention of publishing it was supposed to be
23:14a sort of nest egg for the family if anything should happen to me
23:18the royalties would come in handy but in the main the idea was to take care of you
23:28i could do my hand touched
23:37i would be more touched however if you're very moving account were rather more in accordance with
23:47the effects of the case what uncharacteristically you are forgetting my dear agatha is that you are
23:55not the sole witness to the events of 1940 with which we are tonight concerned
24:00at least two other parties were involved your agent monsieur edmund cork
24:10and monsieur harold aubert your agent in the united states of america where thanks to his perspicacity
24:15hercule poirot has enjoyed and he did enjoy his very highest esteem
24:22fortunately although monsieur aubert is no longer with us
24:25mr cock is he has furnished me valuable evidence as to your attitude towards me at that time
24:36i have here a letter you wrote to him in january 1939
24:48foirot you write is rather insufferable most public men are who live too long
24:58perhaps you would uh get to elaborate a little and exactly what you meant by live too long
25:08oh it was just a joke
25:11ah bon a joke
25:18and yet within months you were writing the book that was to put an end to that excessively long life
25:25but i told you it was just a nest egg there was no intention to publish
25:29eh bien madame perhaps you can explain to me how in that case the manuscript came to be sent to
25:35monsieur aubert in america uh i don't know we always did we always sent harold a copy standard
25:42practice standard practice with books you were about to publish yes no i mean monsieur aubert
25:50so mr cork informs me practically as a heart attack when he reads this manuscript of yours
25:54oh you find that amusing fortunately he at least it seems recognized the bully of killing off the
26:02world's greatest ever detective one who earned you virtually every penny you own now the plain
26:09fact of the matter is my dear agatha that you fully intended to publish the book at that time
26:14and were only prevented from doing so by your agent and publisher and what is more madame i have a
26:18little idea about your motive for wanting me dead oh yeah oh yes jealousy jealousy jealousy
26:28you were jealous of me jealous of my fame jealous of my reputation throughout the world
26:33you resented the fact that it was my name not yours that sold your books
26:37that said they were jealous of my house would you like a cup of cocoa
26:52you
28:07Here we are, then.
28:13I've made it just the way you like.
28:16Madame, was it trop gentile?
28:17Yes.
28:26Well, thank you.
28:32How jolly nice this is.
28:34I must say, you're looking absolutely splendid.
28:38You know, in all those pictures and plays and films and things, no one's ever got you quite right.
28:43I mean, captured the real you.
28:47For some reason, they always wanted big fat men to play you.
28:51Francis Sullivan.
28:53Charles Law.
28:54I thought that Albert Finney wasn't too wide as a mark.
29:02Oh, the mustache was simply ghastly.
29:05No, no one's ever come up with an actor who had the right sort of look of superiority.
29:12I'd always imagine that perhaps David Niven.
29:19David Niven?
29:20Oh, far too English and much too good looking.
29:24You know, whenever I delivered a new book, Edmund always used to take me out to lunch.
29:46Usually, the Caprice.
29:50Have you had their lobster, Thermidor?
29:53Absolutely marvellous.
29:55Sometimes, we'd go to the Savoy Grill, you know, just for a change.
30:00And one day, I remember I looked across the room and there you were.
30:05Well, not you, of course.
30:07But the spitting image.
30:09This little man, dining alone, striped trousers, immaculately dressed.
30:15It's a lot.
30:16Even the funny egg-shaped head.
30:23And I said to Edmund, do go over and get him.
30:27We can't let him go.
30:29And he said, Agatha, you know perfectly well that if I brought him over,
30:35you'd melt with embarrassment and rush off to the ladies or something.
30:46I noticed that you take the pharmaceutical journal, an excellent publication.
31:02I noticed that you take the pharmaceutical journal, an excellent publication.
31:16Yes.
31:17I'm a soft spot for the old PJ.
31:21They reviewed your first case, you know.
31:23Styles.
31:25One of the best compliments I ever had.
31:29They said, Miss Agatha Christie knows her job.
31:33They said, she deals with poison.
31:36In a very knowledgeable way.
31:46What's this charmant, sir?
31:48Well, did you find such a delightful piece?
31:54We got it on one of Max's digs.
31:57You think?
31:58Archaeology.
31:59Ah.
32:00I wonder why you never use such a table in one of your books, huh?
32:05So many interesting possibilities.
32:07By example, neither of us has drunk any of our cocoa yet, huh?
32:15Both the cups and saucers are identical.
32:20The liquid in the cups are the same.
32:24Even the teaspoons in their respective saucers are in exactly the same position.
32:28What a bad.
32:30My chère madame, surely you see.
32:33Let us imagine two people sitting at such a table, huh?
32:38One of them wants to murder the other.
32:41But the other person suspects that he is to be murdered.
32:46Suspects, let us suppose, that his drink has been poisoned.
32:51What do you think he would do?
32:53I haven't the faintest idea.
32:56You're just, of course.
32:57Why, naturally, he would find some way of distracting the attention of the other.
33:03Well, that, I believe, is what you say in the English, turning the tables.
33:18How very difficult such a crime would be to solve, huh?
33:28The would-be murderer becomes a victim, the victim the intended murderer.
33:31Where is the motive?
33:32There is done.
33:33A formidable case.
33:35One to touch the brain, even of the great Hercule Poirot.
33:37Well, of course, madame, I am talking of an entirely hypothetical situation.
33:42As in real life, both cups are identical and perfectly harmless.
33:48It matters not at all from which of them either of us drinks.
33:52Delizio.
34:00Now, my dear, I've got that drink up.
34:02It will get cold.
34:10Upon what, may I ask, are you sitting?
34:13You devious, devious, little man.
34:26Laggard, how dare you?
34:30Bitch, love-picking pilfer.
34:33I should, of course.
34:34I've no need to caution you, madame.
34:35That's scotting yard, this fool.
34:36Give it to me.
34:38Give it to me.
34:39Give it to me.
34:40I insist that you allow me to read it.
34:42You should do no such thing now.
34:43Give it to me.
34:45All right.
35:12I do not want to read it.
35:17I do not want to read it.
35:29I do not want to read it.
35:33Rack, rack, rack, rack, rack, rack, rack.
36:03My poor friend, Poirot.
36:27I have described him many times.
36:30Now, to convey to you the difference...
36:35C'est incroyable.
36:40Crickled with arthritis, he propelled himself about in a wheelchair.
36:45His once plump frame had fallen in.
36:48He was at the end for them now. His face was lined and wrinkled.
36:53His pistachioed hair, it is true, were still of a jet black colour.
36:59But candidly, this was a mistake.
37:02There comes a moment when hair dye is too painfully obvious.
37:06It merely created the impression that he wore a wig
37:10and has adorned his upper lip to amuse the children.
37:18Mon Dieu.
37:20Me, said Poirot with a grimace.
37:27I am a wreck. I am a ruin. I am crippled and twisted.
37:32Mercifully, I can still feed myself.
37:35Oh, merci, madame.
37:37But otherwise, I have to be attended like a baby.
37:42Put to bed, washed and dressed.
37:46Sonny, sonny!
37:54The son of the dead!
37:56Well, my public will not tolerate it.
38:02It shall not be permitted.
38:26Laugh the hell!
38:27The hell!
38:49The ca限界 of the treeing
38:53Once beautiful.
38:54I'm sorry.
39:24Now, put yourself together, Lord.
39:30I'll put you in the heart, you too.
39:38Okay.
39:54That's it, my dear.
40:07Why try, Jane?
40:12The back stairs.
40:24Ah-ha!
41:17Kill me.
41:18I beg your pardon?
41:22Take it.
41:24How is he? Kill me.
41:27Show me that you have the courage to do it in a decent, honorable way.
41:33Not in the cowardly, scrawly, humiliating ways that you plant.
41:39Oh, dear.
41:41I feel a bit faint.
41:43What?
41:43What?
41:47Do you know this is the first time in my life that I feel I need a touch of alcohol?
41:57Porio, be a dear.
41:59The bottles are over there.
42:02What do you think I ought to have?
42:06Super whiskey?
42:08Anything.
42:08I suppose?
42:19I don't know.
42:20I don't think there is any.
42:30Please, do help yourself.
42:34You look done in.
42:35Not quite yet.
42:40No.
42:42You've read it?
42:44As much as I need.
42:45You know, Monsieur Poirot, I think it's time for the confession.
42:57Where to begin?
42:58It's quite true that when I wrote Curtain, I fully intended it for immediate publication.
43:10Apart from everything else, you were simply getting too old.
43:18You see, I made a dreadful mistake.
43:21I made you too old right at the beginning at Stiles.
43:26That was, let me see.
43:281920.
43:30And after that, I had to make you a bit older with each book.
43:36You know, readers pop these things.
43:40Anyway, by 1940, you'd had a good run for your money.
43:46You were pushing 80.
43:47Hey, that's too old, isn't it, for a detective to be effective.
43:58Please proceed.
44:02Well, that's it, really.
44:04Yeah.
44:06At the beginning, you said apart from everything else.
44:09I was too old.
44:10I should like to know what you meant by everything else.
44:13Well, you were beginning to get in the way a bit.
44:20Get in the way?
44:21Yes, a bit.
44:23You see, I liked writing lots of different sorts of things.
44:27I mean, I liked my Miss Marple books.
44:29I liked writing other murder stories without being, well, being tied.
44:36But they kept insisting, Agatha, we've got to have a new Poirot book.
44:43Can't you put Poirot in this, Poirot in that?
44:46So I just obeyed orders.
44:51It's spoiled things, you see.
44:54I mean, sad Cyprus.
44:57They forced me to put you in that.
44:59Completely ruined.
45:00Didn't need you much better without you.
45:04But no.
45:06Got to have Poirot in it.
45:08Nobody will mind so long as it's Poirot.
45:11Well, I minded.
45:14Anyway.
45:16There you are.
45:17I didn't realize quite how jealous you were.
45:28Don't be ridiculous.
45:30No, I don't.
45:31Do not attempt to deny it, my Diagata.
45:34Now that I have read this thing, nothing could be more clear.
45:40If it had been merely a question of, how shall I say, logic, convenience to kill me off,
45:49there would have been no need for all the humiliation.
45:52Humiliation?
45:54Come, my dear.
45:56All those references, more and more of them to Monsieur Poirot's peculiar,
46:00I don't, pardon, little Monsieur Poirot's peculiar egg-shaped head.
46:05And then the closest.
46:05First of all, it's the spats.
46:09Spats?
46:10Then the two tight-padded leather shoes, the striped trousers.
46:15I mean, whom?
46:17Whom do you know that dress is like this?
46:19Whom?
46:21I came to look like some sort of narcissistic penguin.
46:27I see you are amused by that.
46:30I understand.
46:33I can not doubt you are also amused.
46:35When you wrote me out of those two films, Murder Most Foul and Murder at the Gallop,
46:40two of my cases, it wasn't my fault.
46:42Oh, no, of course not.
46:44And of course it would not have been your fault
46:46that I just happened to be replaced in those two films,
46:49but that ridiculous Miss Marple Woman,
46:52your obsession with whom I cannot for one minute begin to understand.
47:00Untrained, senile spinster!
47:03But let us leave that to one side.
47:07All this one might understand.
47:10It was hurtful, it was cruel, it was humiliating,
47:12but knowing the extent of your jealousy,
47:14one might understand.
47:15One might perhaps even forgive.
47:17But this, twisted, crippled in a wheelchair, put to bed,
47:23hair washed and dried, and the hair died.
47:27It's a pig.
47:29Oh?
47:29It turns out to be a wig.
47:33Later on, in the bit you haven't read.
47:36Where is it?
47:38Where is the rest of it?
47:39Somewhere where you can't get it.
47:41I insist on seeing it!
47:43You can insist as much as you jolly well like,
47:45I'm not going to show it to you.
47:46Tell me, at least, how I am to die.
48:14Surely, that is my right.
48:20Despite it all,
48:23you will, I know, have given me a proper death, n'est-ce pas?
48:29A death worthy of both of us, yes.
48:33A murder?
48:34Bien sûr, a murder!
48:38Of course, it would have to be a murder.
48:41But for a kill-poirreau,
48:43a murder of the most exotic sort,
48:46naturellement,
48:48the most brilliant murder
48:50that you have ever devised in any of your books.
48:53I write them, I know that.
48:54And of course,
48:56no ordinary murder would succeed
48:57on such a distinguished victime,
48:59no ordinary murderer.
49:02C'est intéressant, sir.
49:05Whoever would be so clever
49:06as to outwit the great Hercule Poirot,
49:09you would not go for the clumsy shooting
49:11or the stabbing.
49:11So, whoever it is,
49:13would have to use the little grey cells
49:15as cleverly,
49:17more cleverly,
49:18than myself,
49:19if that was possible.
49:22I don't understand.
49:29My dear Poirot,
49:31you don't get murdered at all.
49:34What?
49:35You...
49:36You simply have a heart attack.
49:44No!
49:49I don't know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you want to know if you
50:19Agatha, Agatha?
50:31Agatha, are you all right, my dear?
50:47Well, what time is it?
50:56It's seven o'clock in the morning.
51:00When Edmund and I came to find you last night, you were fast asleep.
51:04You looked so comfy, I thought I'd just cover you and leave you.
51:17Oh, what a lovely day.
51:22What's old Edge come up to?
51:24Sorry, my dear.
51:26Ah.
51:28Lose.
51:30Lose.
51:35Ah.
51:37Say, are you really all right, Agatha?
51:39Yes, I think quite all right.
51:45You know, Max, I think I've got rather a good idea.
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