00:00hello I'd like to start by thanking the court for allowing me the time and opportunity to speak
00:07today my name is Olivia and I'm the big sister of Kaylee Gonzalez and I was blessed to love
00:13Madison Mogan as a sister too I'm not here today to speak in grief I'm here to speak in truth
00:19because the truth is my sister Kaylee and her best friend Maddie were not yours to take they
00:26were not yours to study to stock or to silence they were two pieces of a whole the perfect yin
00:34and yang they are everything that you could never be loved accepted vibrant accomplished brave and
00:43powerful because the truth about Kaylee and Maddie is they would have been kind to you if you would
00:51approach them in their everyday lives they would have given you directions thank you for the
00:56compliment or awkwardly giggle to make your own words less uncomfortable for you in a world that
01:04rejected you they would have shown mercy because the truth is I'm angry every day I'm angry I'm left
01:16shouting at the inside of my own head everything I wish I could say to you the truth about me is when
01:25I heard the news I didn't cry I listened for them I promised them I would that I would fight for
01:33them that I would show up no matter what it cost me I swore I'd never let them feel alone because you see
01:42I've always been their heavyweight I've always been the one to fight the battles they didn't feel ready to fight
01:47themselves all it ever took was a call and they knew I would handle it for them no matter the time no
01:55matter the cost they could wave their white flag because they knew I would never back down not for
02:02them and not even death could change that somewhere along the line I started to think about what I would
02:11say to them if I was given just one last chance if I could gather enough heartbreak or love or sacrifice
02:18or whatever it took to get just one message across what would I say throughout this entire process
02:26I've written my feelings down at every moment my wishes my love my denial my anger and as one final
02:35act of love I'd planned to read these thoughts even jarring and discombobulating and not even making
02:41sense because for me that was true love as bare and as naked as it could be not laced in pretty words
02:51or dress for the occasion but written through bleary eyes at 2 a.m. with clenched fists angry at this
02:58reality my true final act of love was to continue on without them for them that dream to read a love
03:08to read aloud my love to them to bring meaning through pain was the latest blow and realizing
03:17you don't deserve it and Kaylee and Maddie don't need it Kaylee and Maddie have always known my love
03:26and they would never ask me to prove it by further victimizing myself to a defendant who
03:32has shown no guilt no remorse no apprehension they would say to me why would you give the
03:41satisfaction of showing vulnerability now you promised you would never back down and for that
03:49clarity I'm thankful I won't stand here and give you what you want I won't offer you tears I won't offer
03:55you trembling disappointments like you thrive on pain on fear and on the illusion of power and I won't
04:04feed your beast instead I will call you what you are sociopath psychopath murderer I will ask the
04:16questions that reverberate violently in my own head so loudly that I can't think straight most any day
04:24some of these might be familiar so sit up straight when I talk to you how was your life right before
04:32you murdered my sisters did you prepare for the crime before leaving your apartment please detail
04:39what you were thinking and feeling at this time why did you choose my sisters before making your move
04:49did you approach my sisters detail what you were thinking and feeling before leaving their home is
04:56there anything else you did how does it feel to know the only thing you failed more miserably at than
05:04being a murderer is trying to be a rapper did you recently start shaving or manually pulling out your eyebrows
05:13why November 13th did you truly think your Amazon purchase was untraceable because you used a gift card
05:23how do you find it enjoyable to stargaze with such a severe case of visual snow where is the murder weapon the
05:33clothes you wore that night what did you bring into the house with you what was the second weapon you used
05:42John Kaylee what were Kaylee's last words please describe in detail the level of anxiety you must have felt when
05:53you heard the bear cat pull up to your family home on December 30th 2022
06:01which do you regret more returning to the crime scene five hours later or never ever going back to Moscow not even once
06:12after stalking them there for months if you were really smart do you think you'd be here right now what's it like needing this much attention just to feel real
06:25you're terrified of being ordinary aren't you
06:33do you feel anything at all or are you exactly what you always feared nothing
06:41if you're so powerful then why are you still hiding defendant you see I'm here today is me
06:47but who are you let's try to take off your mask and see you didn't create devastation you revealed it and
06:58it's in yourself and that darkness you carry that emptiness you'll sit with it long after this is over
07:05that is your sentence and it was written on the wall long before you ever pled guilty
07:11you didn't win you just exposed yourself as the coward you are you're a delusional pathetic
07:22hypochondriac loser who thought you were so much smarter than everybody else
07:30constantly scolding turning your nose up to grammar mistakes nitpicking and criticizing others
07:37you wanted so badly to be different to be special to be better to be deep to be mysterious you found
07:44yourself thinking you were better than everyone else and you thought you could figure out the human psyche
07:49and see through it all while tweaked out on heroin lurking in the shadows made you feel powerful
07:56because no one ever paid you any attention in the light you thought you were exceptional all because
08:01of a grade on a paper you thought you were elite because your online iq test from 2010 told you so
08:10all of that effort just to seem important it's desperate there is a name for your condition though
08:17your inflated ego just didn't allow you to see it wannabe
08:23you act like no one could ever understand your mind but the truth is you're basic
08:28you're a textbook case of insecurity disguised as control your patterns are predictable your motives
08:34are shallow you are not profound you're pathetic
08:41you aren't special or deep not mysterious or exceptional don't ever get it twisted again
08:50no one is scared of you today no one is intimidated by you no one is impressed by you
08:55no one thinks that you are important you orchestrated this like you thought you were god now look at you
09:03begging a courtroom for scraps you spent months preparing and still all it took was my sister in a
09:09sheath you work so hard to seem dangerous but real control doesn't have to prove itself
09:16the truth is the scariest part about you is how painfully average you turned out to be
09:26the truth is as dumb as they come stupid clumsy slow sloppy weak dirty let me be very clear
09:39don't ever try to convince yourself you mattered just because someone finally said your name out loud
09:46i see through you you want the truth here's the one you'll hate the most
09:53if you hadn't attacked them in their sleep in the middle of the night like a pedophile
09:58kaylee would have kicked your fucking ass thank you thank you
