- yesterday
HD 16 8.6 02 December 2013 22 min Returning Series
Rick and Morty
Rick is a mentally-unbalanced but scientifically gifted old man who has recently reconnected with his family. He spends most of his time involving his young grandson Morty in dangerous, outlandish adventures throughout space and alternate universes. Compounded with Morty's already unstable family life, these events cause Morty much distress at home and school.
Type:
TV
Genre:
Animation, Comedy, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Action & Adventure
Year:
2013
Stars:
Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke
Tags:
tv show, streaming, time travel, grandfather, alcoholism, alien, dysfunctional family, mad scientist, scientist
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00A huge turnout today at the offices of billionaire leader and tech visionary
00:09Summer Smith as she attempts to make Chargeria history. And this just in, phone
00:14chargers are very important so never, never steal them. We're ready to launch
00:20spit of ice. Do we have eyes on my brother? No ma'am. Then we're not ready.
00:30Come on, Morty. Wait! Remember, if you borrow his phone charger! I know. It's really important you give it back! Even if you think he wasn't using it!
00:50I'm alone. I was too. That's how I like it.
00:55Come. If you want to eat.
01:11Saw you on the news. Guess it's been a while since you've had a normal meal.
01:15By normal, you mean the spoon is dirty?
01:17CJ's recipe. Back at the firehouse.
01:19Ugh. I didn't put my life's work on hold to sit here talking to you about chili.
01:24He always said the secret ingredient is patience.
01:28Morty, it is time to go. It's almost 9 p.m. back in the real world and our exit will only work if mom's in the kitchen pouring her bedtime wine.
01:35There's nothing for me back there! Go without me!
01:38That's not how it works, Morty! And I'm sorry, but I refuse to turn 40 in here.
01:43What choice do I have?
01:46We always had choices. Take some ownership.
01:53We're ready! Start the launch.
01:55God have mercy on our souls.
01:57Five, four, three, two, one.
02:02Launch!
02:10It's charging! Charging in the air!
02:13Dear God! Summer Smith has made phone chargers obsolete!
02:16No more corn!
02:20It's working!
02:21A contactless electrical grid that means no chargers, you old bitch!
02:26I win!
02:27The Matrix is obsolete!
02:34What the hell?
02:35Oh, shit. How long was I out?
02:37Mom! Mom! Mommy!
02:39Get away from me, Rick!
02:40Mom!
02:41Rick put us in a stimulated reality to teach us a lesson about taking his phone charger and not giving him back,
02:45and then he fell asleep and forgot about us for the Matrix equivalent of 17 years!
02:49I'm an emancipated adult! I demand sovereignty over my mind and future!
02:53Don't let him reset us!
02:55This is why I have bedtime wine.
03:02My hands! A child's hands!
03:05You built a Matrix to punish them for a phone charger?
03:08I'm not that petty, Beth. It can punish them for anything.
03:10Put that mind blower gun down.
03:13Okay. Obviously Grandpa cooked you guys a little too long.
03:16Long enough to go to law school and revolutionize engineering.
03:19Summer, that whole system's basically 8-bit.
03:21A child with a crayon could revolutionize engineering.
03:23Don't let him wipe me, Mom!
03:24I fell in love.
03:25Ran a country.
03:26Visited Chargentina and Laphonapines.
03:28I can't lose those memories.
03:30Um, I-I wanna remember it too.
03:32Dad?
03:33I think the kids should be allowed to do whatever they want with what you did to their brains.
03:36Want a couple of Matrix crazy adults and child bodies?
03:39Good luck with that.
03:40Yes! I beat you, Rick!
03:41You mess with the bull, you get the 34-year-old horns!
03:44I'm gonna crush it in high school!
03:46Give me a holler when this goes south.
03:49There's literally no limit to what I can achieve.
03:52Student body president?
03:54Valedictorian?
03:55Or maybe just live this one day, sweet and pleading.
03:58Maybe just hold on to 17.
04:02Cold much?
04:03You're nipping out.
04:05Oh, come on.
04:06We don't have to do these teenage girl stereotypes.
04:08Your body violates our code of conduct, Missy.
04:10Go home and change.
04:11But-
04:12Your wiles won't get you anywhere with me.
04:14Oh my God, she's hot for principal vagina.
04:16She's nipping even harder.
04:17Eat my ass, you shallow bitches!
04:20Every time I think our friendship can't get any stronger.
04:23I know, you're truly my sister.
04:25Aw.
04:31School's not what you remember, huh?
04:33Ugh, I'm just embarrassed I let them get to me.
04:35Those girls probably still believe people like them for their personality
04:38and that recycling is real.
04:40Hey, do you have a bobby pin?
04:41Yeah, here.
04:42At least they're too dumb to do real damage.
04:44It's like blunt force trauma as opposed to a hot curling iron going slowly up your asshole.
04:48Wow.
04:49Which is how I describe my first marriage.
04:52You got married in there?
04:54The best part was I supported him while he worked on his music.
04:57Oh, I've been there.
04:58It's like I can either be the primary earner or your mommy.
05:01I can't be both.
05:07A third mimosa?
05:08On a Wednesday afternoon?
05:10Who are we?
05:11Who are we?
05:13Oh my God, I'm totally turning into my mother.
05:15Goals.
05:17I love this version of you.
05:19You're so self-assured.
05:21I wish I had more of that.
05:23Aw, Beth.
05:24Can I call you Beth?
05:25Absolutely.
05:26And I'll call you Summer.
05:29Oh, right.
05:30Of course.
05:31You were able to achieve so much in there.
05:33Hashtag girl boss.
05:34Ugh, I hate when grown women call themselves girls.
05:37Oh, same.
05:38Me too.
05:39That was ironic.
05:40Speaking of grown women, maybe it's time for a little upgrade.
05:42Oh, come on.
05:43Look at who you've become.
05:44You don't need some cliche makeover.
05:46I meant for both of us.
05:48Do you just buy your shirts from Target or do you also work there?
05:52Aw, Beth, I was joking.
05:55Part of my management style.
05:57But isn't comedy just the revelation of an unacknowledged truth?
06:00Think about it.
06:01Let's get out of here, girl.
06:02You need a blowout.
06:03What the hell are you doing, Morty?
06:06Get your hands off my death race car.
06:08The struts were a little off.
06:09The struts were a little...
06:10Wow.
06:11Okay.
06:12The struts were a little off.
06:13Picked up a few skills when I was inside.
06:15The Matrix?
06:16Matrix prison.
06:17Oh.
06:18Badass.
06:19This is that death race on Vega 5, right?
06:21Space and land?
06:22Yeah, actually.
06:23Toss me a beer.
06:24Think we should add a snorkel intake to the engine block.
06:26Damn, Morty.
06:27Maybe I should leave you in a matrix more often.
06:29Morty, what are you doing?
06:33I'm getting Rick's attention.
06:34Freeze!
06:35Fuck you!
06:36None of this is Rick!
06:37Morty, run!
06:38Hey, thieves!
06:39Never take what's not yours!
06:40Especially if it's a phone charger!
06:42Rick!
06:43We're sorry we stole your phone charger!
06:45We learned our lesson!
06:46Now let us out!
06:47If that was gonna work, we would've been ejected by now!
06:49You have the right to remain plugged in.
06:52Any charger you still can and will be used against you.
06:55Summer, help!
06:56Sorry, Morty.
06:57But one of us has to find a way out of here.
07:00Summer!
07:27What?
07:28Oh, my God.
07:30What?
07:32I'm so sorry.
07:33Oh, my God.
07:35What?
07:36What?
07:37Why me?
07:38No, not.
07:39You've had to be Jewish.
07:41Let me see them.
07:42I know you're what they were saying.
07:43You've had to be like, huh?
07:44I know you've been with the mother, but I didn't know this one!
07:45That's easy to be like.
07:48I need to be, huh?
07:49It's been so true.
07:51This is a super scary story.
07:52It's been so scary for it.
07:53You've had to be adamant.
07:54S-CJ.
07:58If you're remembering a bunch of stuff, you have to say it out loud.
08:01I-I just miss them.
08:04Ugh. You know what, pal? I think that engine storkle's a good idea. Bottoms up.
08:10Wow, you can really pull that luck off. I could never go short.
08:15It's called disruption. If you don't take risks, you don't grow.
08:18Uh, for me, this is pretty bold.
08:21I guess everyone has to start somewhere.
08:24What do you think of this?
08:27I think there was a reason it was on the clearance rack.
08:30I thought you wanted to feel more confident.
08:32Now this says confidence.
08:34It also says $3,000.
08:37Who's going to invest in you if you won't invest in yourself?
08:39My job is to invest in your college fund, Summer.
08:42First of all, I already graduated charger cum laude with a major in chargers and a minor in...
08:46Let me guess. English lit.
08:48Beth, I can't make you 17 again, but I can give this gift of knowledge.
08:52Life is slipping away.
08:54It's time to make some big changes or get comfortable with some big regrets.
08:58So, are you going to buy me this suit or what?
09:01And steel plates.
09:03Good stuff.
09:04Oh, look at that, Rick. They got a sale on rebar.
09:06Oh, hell yeah.
09:07Buy two rebar, get one free bar?
09:09Matrix Morty's got an eye for a deal.
09:11I got to hand it to you. This feels pretty good. Good old American craftsmanship, Morty.
09:18Feels good to use your hands.
09:21Oh, she's purring like an oily little kitten.
09:24Wow, you guys are really spreading out onto the lawn, huh?
09:30Ugh, suburbia.
09:32Dad, can I talk to you?
09:35Listen, if this is about the beers, Morty's cool. He has like four purple hearts.
09:39Five! Those and a nickel will get you a cup of coffee.
09:42Oh, disillusioned. Morty, love this guy.
09:45Listen, Beth, if you want to judge someone, call Jerry.
09:48I can't. My phone's dead. I had to film turns of every outfit Summer tried on.
09:52You need a charger? Use mine.
09:54Oh, okay. You sure?
09:56Oh, yeah. You're going to give that back, right?
10:01Because I can't impress upon you how...
10:04Oh, God! Oh, my God! A-ball!
10:19No. No! CJ! Chop block!
10:22Marmaduke!
10:31People, he... he didn't make it.
10:33What? We saw you die, man!
10:36I... I can't. I can't die.
10:40I got you. I got you.
10:42I can't. I can't die.
10:44Just take whatever you want. Nothing out here fucking matters.
10:55Wonder who he learned that from. Probably someone too tamed by neoliberal groupthink to buy a cool jacket.
11:15Dad, I think maybe you were right on this one.
11:18Beth, that's not how it works. You got to press it up against their head.
11:20You just tried to mind blow me?
11:23Summer! Get back here!
11:25This is for your own good!
11:27No, it's for your own good. I thought you were my friend, bitch.
11:31My friends don't talk to me like that.
11:33Because you don't have any.
11:35Hey!
11:35All I want is to live my best life. You're too scared to even try.
11:41Did you just hotwire that car?
11:44Yes.
11:45Summer!
11:45You're a boomer!
11:49Damn, that got out of hand fast.
11:51Well, I told her it would.
11:52Smart man. Here, check this out.
11:54Me and CJ came up with it during the Siege of the Three Prong Mountains.
11:58We were holed up with nothing but these old Nokia 3.5s.
12:01Had to use a little something we called the reg rock.
12:03Try her out.
12:04Charger spelled backwards. Cute. What's it do?
12:09Pulls the charge right out of man's heart.
12:12Thanks for the ride, Rick.
12:15Also, I didn't know Summer was going to hijack a vehicle, too.
12:18I've been planning this a lot longer than her.
12:21Anyway.
12:28Cool tank!
12:29No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
12:35Something the matter, sir? You wouldn't be putting people in Matrixes, would you?
12:39What?
12:39Because that's something you should never do.
12:43Seriously, Morty? You're that uncreative?
12:45Who's Morty? Is that someone you put in a Matrix?
12:48Oh, yes!
12:49Ow!
12:51The seemingly unstoppable and pretty cool-looking vehicle
12:54is now heading towards a power plant at the center of Power Plant Valley,
12:57the well-known nexus of America's power grid.
13:01Why create this unstoppable death machine?
13:04Its driver, 14-year-old Morty Smith, has this to say.
13:07Come into a wolf's house and piss in its bed!
13:09You're going to get bit!
13:10That's just the nature of the wolf!
13:12That's just the nature of the wolf!
13:18How's the neti pot coming, Summer?
13:20So good.
13:21I feel grounded, free of toxins.
13:26Go away.
13:27I need my space.
13:28I can't believe how fast you got established in Santa Fe.
13:31The wellness industry picked me up at the city limits.
13:33They place all lost, middle-aged women in a residential pottery studio
13:37with meditation elements.
13:39I'm looking to be in connection with the mountains!
13:41Get the cacao.
13:42And the harmonium.
13:43Honey, you shouldn't have to be a lost, middle-aged woman yet.
13:47Take it from me, it sucks.
13:48And the joy of being 17 is not knowing anything,
13:51including how hard it's going to get.
13:54Yeah, I guess I'm sorry for what I said.
13:57I just don't know how to be your friend.
13:59You don't have to be.
14:00You're my daughter.
14:03Wow, I hate that I'm saying this,
14:06but the energy here feels amazing.
14:08That's called community.
14:10And if we had more of it in this world, less factory-farmed beef,
14:13our little boys wouldn't be driving tanks into nuclear power plants!
14:16That sounds too specific to be a metaphor.
14:19What were you doing? There's no power on the wall!
14:21What were you charged there?
14:22See? Beef brain.
14:23Oh, God, I have to stop him.
14:25You know how?
14:26I'm a tech CEO, so even if I don't, I'll pretend I do.
14:30Mom, hold my calls.
14:32Mom, I like the sound of that.
14:36I'll just need a credit card.
14:38Please, sir, not in the Matrix.
14:40You shouldn't put people in Matrixes.
14:43Uh-huh.
14:52What the... oh.
14:53Matrix my ass!
15:01Wubba loba dum-dum!
15:13This better be death race related.
15:17C.J., C.J., C.J.
15:46C.J., C.J., C.J., C.J.
16:16C.J., C.J., C.J.
16:46takes out all cell phones you're not guard number two the moat was installed
16:50for this exact scenario is that a tank on earth that can cross that water
17:10none of this will bring cj back
17:16mr james motorola charging first class
17:26what do you know about cj this is all my fault morty you were the only real thing in there
17:31but i didn't treat you like you mattered you couldn't have known what would happen in that war
17:34but i did know morty i did know once i understood the rules of the matrix taking power was easy
17:42but making power wasn't there was only one way to make the charging science work
17:47all the lithium we could get our hands on we got it we could fix it right we can fix it no one can
17:55know about this it was a brutal war but i knew we'd win it because we had you an ex-con with no future
18:06no family no way to die marty i never had a brother to you you could have had a different life
18:15i could have given it to you
18:18we got him osama been charging is dead thank you soldier full hearts full charge
18:24we're lithium rich you were my greatest asset and my darkest shame i also had your phones bugged a
18:31tracking chip put in your spine and all those birds you like to feed were spy cameras built by the
18:34government my finches i know you lost a brother in there don't make me lose you it's like the pain
18:40is all i have left of him but but he's gone he never existed in the first place don't say that without
18:46you and your friends we never would have escaped the matrix rick he would have woken up and let us out
18:52on whose terms he would have wiped us clean before our eyes were open and then they'd really be gone
18:56all of them cj chop block marmot duke um eight ball jesus i i i'm sorry morty you get to decide now
19:08what do you want to do i want to go home yeah let's go home
19:15it's okay i'm i'm all right now it's not you we were worried about yeah this is exactly why you
19:21shouldn't steal your grandpa's inventions what he said never steal your grandpa's inventions
19:30no
19:31fucker matrix piece of shit
19:36easy guys christ you're not in a matrix you're not in a matrix rick what the fuck this npc was trying to
19:42teach us a lesson i was just saying not to steal such dangerous technology your grandpa's obviously a
19:48genius see that's an actual guy making several obvious and valid statements beer later i think my
19:54nose is broken
20:07rick are you gonna yes
20:11oh what the hell that's anti-radiation gel your tits and bits will thank me later
20:25so nuclear reactor huh i had btsd thank you for your service oh oh my god you saved us from the worst
20:33meltdown in american history yeah i'm gonna leave this with you sign here tip uh i don't see an option
20:40lower than 20 percent there isn't one
20:48mike want to keep that gel on for a little while all right is there anything else we need to do
20:57i'm gonna remember him but i'm gonna miss you you won't have to i have a feeling things are
21:03gonna be different now ready to be kids again more than you know yeah
21:12oh what'd you do to us what the fuck is on my arm rick beats me you asked for it what why whatever
21:18i'm meeting friends to throw shopping carts into the quarry oh geez oh no ricky you gotta get this off
21:22of me it makes me uncomfortable you can do pal made a promise to an old friend
21:36what the hell hi summer you probably won't remember making this but i just wanted to say
21:42i love you and you should love yourself the first thing your peers will try to take from you is your
21:47adult empathy it's your greatest gift and send a text
21:54yo trisha what are we having tonight
22:17so
22:33can i help you beth it's time to come clean we lost women feast on the young to stay middle-aged
22:42so you're vampires why not feed till you're young because not everyone has your
22:47fucked up values beth and it's unfortunately drink or be drunk oh come on i thought that was wine montauk
22:56the sun turns you to dust and you picked santa fe that's on you
23:11did you get any of that
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