- yesterday
HD 16 8.6 02 December 2013 22 min Returning Series
Rick and Morty
Rick is a mentally-unbalanced but scientifically gifted old man who has recently reconnected with his family. He spends most of his time involving his young grandson Morty in dangerous, outlandish adventures throughout space and alternate universes. Compounded with Morty's already unstable family life, these events cause Morty much distress at home and school.
Type:
TV
Genre:
Animation, Comedy, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Action & Adventure
Year:
2013
Stars:
Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke
Tags:
tv show, streaming, time travel, grandfather, alcoholism, alien, dysfunctional family, mad scientist, scientist
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00all right final item of the Galactic Defiance meeting our plan to take out
00:08the Gromphilemite Queen quiet we could be a defiance without talking over each
00:14other thank you Corsica as it stands our assassination task force has yet to
00:21provide a clear plan provide lots of plans your committee keeps killing them
00:26well it's an assassination committee what do you want them to do all
00:29intelligence indicates that needs to be a surprise which is why we need to plan
00:33it carefully why don't we turn things over to our assassin Beth Sanchez great it's
00:40an assassination meeting where the hell is the assassin
00:45assassinating we've been meeting about it for months is the plan to kill her with
00:52old age there is no plan we still have to approve one do you even look at your
00:56defiance email who has the patience for three-factor authentication the defiance
01:14says hello or goodbye I mean I guess the hello meant goodbye anyway but this guy
01:21beat me to it oh my god who are you an assassin
01:25I mean I wish
01:26kill her
01:27time to go
01:34oh shit
01:37uh hey good news the queen is dead bad news I didn't do it worst news I need a
01:42left I can't approve an extraction from an unapproved assassination I'll have to call an emergency
01:47emergency meeting I'm going to die
01:49oh
01:53oh
01:55oh
01:57oh
01:59oh
02:01oh
02:03oh
02:05oh
02:07oh
02:09oh
02:11oh
02:13oh
02:15oh
02:16oh
02:19oh
02:33oh
02:39wow you beat out Luigi's
02:43hmm
02:45I'm hammering sushi, what's up?
02:46Well, uh, funny story.
02:48Or maybe not that funny.
02:50Are you pitching a Hulu original?
02:52I, I kind of went rogue and now I'm trapped on a Grump on my ship.
02:57Send the coordinates, I'll pick you up.
02:59Really? Just like that?
03:01Of course just like that.
03:02You're my daughter, probably.
03:03Jiro, lava cake to go.
03:05The lava cake was already ordered.
03:07I can see it from here.
03:08You don't have to explain!
03:10You think it'd be easy to scan the only warm-blooded thing on the ship?
03:13We tried that once.
03:14A lot of rats in the walls.
03:15Is that why the ship always has a bee in the window?
03:20Hey, freeze!
03:21You first.
03:24Lock right into it!
03:27Wow, Beth, you've been staying busy.
03:30Oh, shit, it's Rick Sanchez!
03:31Hey, my daughter is just as dangerous.
03:38Wait, so the gun also shoots a sign?
03:40Yeah, for clarity.
03:41So people know it's quicksand and not a brown portal or diarrhea.
03:44But doesn't the sign tip off the enemy?
03:46No, no, no.
03:46The other side says ordinary sand.
03:48There she is!
03:52See, there's your classic diarrhea.
03:55Whatever, can we go now?
03:57Just portal me to HQ.
03:58Actually, could you portal me, like, a block away?
04:00So they don't know your dad drove you?
04:02Sure.
04:02Okay, all in favor of Natalie thumb-nailing an emergency rescue budget?
04:10Whoops.
04:10You're a prick.
04:11Stop acting embarrassed.
04:12I'm a legend here.
04:13Oh, hey, Bug-Anne.
04:15Hey, Rick.
04:15Yes, it's disappointing that the legend doesn't fall far from the tree.
04:19Huh, that's a weird way to thank her and apologize.
04:22Dad!
04:22Thank her for what?
04:23A botched assassination?
04:24Whoa, whoa, I don't botch shit.
04:26I just turned down Sloppy's second.
04:27Yeah, their mothership wasn't on red alert for her birthday.
04:30You sure about that?
04:32Red alert for the queen's birthday!
04:35That's right.
04:36Her majesty is 70 days young, but still laying eggs and banging drones.
04:40You go, girl.
04:41Yes, queen.
04:42No, I saw that bitch's pillow through her face.
04:45A sting trooper did it.
04:46Why didn't they pin it on us?
04:47Translation?
04:48You botch.
04:49You can't say that again.
04:50Nepo baby.
04:51Excuse me?
04:52Dad, stop helping.
04:53This is the opposite of a Nepo baby.
04:56This is a human with half my DNA that despises me for the same reasons you bailed on her.
05:00This organization resents and discourages talent.
05:03It's why working here was always beneath me, and it's why none of you are worth eating her shit.
05:07And if you don't start appreciating her, I guarantee you she'll be next out the door.
05:17It was a good rescue, though.
05:19You got me fired!
05:20Only because you blew your chance to quit.
05:22Oh, my God.
05:23Oh, my God.
05:24I really hope I am the clone, because I never asked to be born.
05:27I can't handle watching you host those parasites.
05:31Clone or not, that's still my blood in your veins.
05:33Yeah, I know.
05:34I'm trying to overcome that.
05:37Ouch.
05:38Oh, boo-hoo.
05:39Whatever.
05:39Drop me off in space.
05:41What are you going to do?
05:43I'm going to get to the bottom of this inside hit on the queen.
05:45I know a guy that knows a guy that knows some bugs.
05:49Look, I got to drop you off somewhere.
05:51It might as well be the filth-encrusted apartment of an insect supremacist arms dealer.
05:56Fine.
06:05I thought you were dropping me off.
06:07I got to make sure it's the right supremacist.
06:08They all look alike.
06:10Oh, hey, no mammals allowed.
06:12That's our guy.
06:13Oh, shit.
06:13Oh, hey, I didn't mean that about mammals.
06:17You're clearly a good one.
06:19She is.
06:20She's very interested in insect politics.
06:22Um, actually, there's no such thing because insects are genetically inclined for organization.
06:26Whoa!
06:28So tell us which insect organized a hit on the queen.
06:30I don't know.
06:31You guys kind of proved you're not going to let me fall.
06:36Oh, God.
06:37Oh, Jesus.
06:38Talk.
06:38She's just going to...
06:39All right, all right.
06:44Shit, it was fantabulous.
06:46The former royal doctor.
06:48Wait, the medical officer?
06:50That's all I know, I swear.
06:51Is it, though?
06:52Oh, God.
06:54Dad.
06:54He said that's all he knew.
06:57I'm a mammal.
06:58I'm disorganized.
07:00I've heard of that doctor, though.
07:01Classic disgraced eugenicist troupe.
07:03You can get disgraced for eugenics by insects?
07:06I suppose he had a gift.
07:08Did he have an address?
07:17Hi.
07:18Don't be afraid to surrender.
07:19Yeah.
07:19You could even join us as an unlikely ally.
07:22I don't know what that is.
07:23I can explain.
07:24Does your bug culture have ghosts?
07:25Yes.
07:26Has it had any hit movies about busting ghosts successful enough to generate sequels and cartoons?
07:30Of course.
07:31Well, an unlikely ally would be like a ghost that hangs out with the Ghostbusters.
07:35Okay, that is the most offensive job offer I've ever received.
07:38More offensive than death?
07:39Good luck with that.
07:41Wait, so he's too cool to be a Slimer, but he's asthmatic?
07:44That's new.
07:55Super soldier formula?
07:56I said new, not creatively trailblazing.
07:59Jesus Christ!
08:09I hope killing these things is leveling us up.
08:14It's some kind of souped-up fungus.
08:18What?
08:19Should we be wearing masks?
08:20Nah, we're fine.
08:21It's a bug problem.
08:22These little guys don't affect mammals.
08:24Why would they?
08:25It's a highly evolved symbiote.
08:28It's goal is galactic domination.
08:30So why would it want to be hosted by shit-flinging monkeys from a planet named after dirt?
08:36Wow, we're disease bragging now?
08:38That fungus is no disease.
08:40It's the cure.
08:41My species has been wasting away for generations.
08:44We're being led by a...
08:45Yeah, yeah, millennials killed blockbuster video.
08:47Just tell my daughter why you whacked your own queen.
08:49Her majesty refused to distribute my medicine, so I had her killed in secret and replaced
08:55with a robot queen who will.
08:57All of Gromflom 1 will gather for her birthday, and all will receive a gift.
09:03That's not how birthdays work, dipshit.
09:05How about this for a birthday?
09:07Close airlock 7!
09:09You really don't know me, do you?
09:16And you don't know me, or the various sizes of bugs!
09:19All Gromflomites, attack!
09:23Behold, the Gromflomites of the future!
09:26Soon we will reign again!
09:29She's getting away!
09:30And living rent-free in your head!
09:32Ah!
09:33Ah!
09:35Ah!
09:36Ah!
09:38Ah!
09:39Ah, so much for my fucking prick!
09:55Toro!
09:56Toro!
09:57Oh, nice!
10:02Ah!
10:03What was that rent-free in-your-head shit?
10:05It's dumb people saying something meaningless, because they've learned a new phrase.
10:08It just means you're thinking about something!
10:10Focus, Dad!
10:10The queen is a spore bomb!
10:12Ooh, you better call the defiance!
10:14Why, so they can form a committee?
10:15You don't want your old job back?
10:17No, Dad!
10:17The defiance sucks, but that doctor keeps trying to kill me.
10:20He is not getting a W.
10:21Oh, God, I'm turning into my father.
10:23That's all you had to say, partner.
10:25All right, should be pretty easy.
10:26We get in undetected, find the spore bomb, and portal it out of there.
10:30Step 1.
10:30We blend in as bugs working for the Department of Transportation.
10:34My guy, Cisco, will be at the back door at 7 a.m.
10:36Who's Cisco?
10:37My inside man.
10:38Don't worry.
10:38Okay, but what if he doesn't show up?
10:40What's that supposed to mean?
10:41You don't even know Cisco.
10:42Which is very concerning, since this plan seems very dependent on him.
10:46So, let me finish the plan.
10:48Time.
10:48Step 2.
10:49Cisco provides us with security credentials for the maintenance tunnels.
10:53And if he doesn't show, what's our backup plan?
10:55I use Cisco so that I don't need a backup plan.
10:59What's that?
10:59We ordered food, remember?
11:01I've never heard of this Cisco guy in my life,
11:03and all of a sudden, he's the most reliable person ever born.
11:06Baby, I work with more reliable people than you.
11:09Make sure my fries are there.
11:12Oh, wait, are there fries?
11:13Oh, okay, I see them.
11:15Where were we?
11:16Step 3.
11:17We quickly and quietly patch into the surveillance grid.
11:20Wait, how'd we get there?
11:20With the credentials we got from Cisco.
11:22So, in other words, if Cisco...
11:25Cisco has never not shown up.
11:27Can I just ask, what does someone have to do
11:28to achieve the level of trust you place in this random man?
11:31I trust plenty of people.
11:32Name two.
11:33Uh, easy, bird person and Cisco.
11:35Cisco's at the same level as bird person?
11:37Yeah, he listens to my plans.
11:39Well, I guess I would, too, if I was the pivotal goddamn participant.
11:41That's all this is?
11:42You're jealous of Cisco?
11:44I don't want to rely on him.
11:45If he doesn't show up at 7,
11:46we're two humans in bug costumes
11:48banging on a door until the cops find us.
11:50Then we're running and gunning.
11:51We're not going to be running or gunning
11:53at any point in this plan.
11:54It's going to be Yumi and Cisco staying under the radar
11:57and preventing a coronation catastrophe.
12:16Oh, shit.
12:17Freeze!
12:17Jump out!
12:18Hands in the air!
12:19Huh.
12:20I don't know what got into Cisco.
12:22This may be unpopular,
12:24but the queen was a bitch.
12:25I mean, big deal.
12:26You had a billion kids.
12:28Did you find them?
12:30We're kind of hard to miss.
12:32Stay back or die.
12:33Yeah.
12:34Listen to him.
12:34Why?
12:34She's infected.
12:36Bullshit, she would have turned.
12:37You think I normally look like this?
12:39I mean, maybe.
12:40I don't know you.
12:41I need your labs, your data,
12:42everything you've got on this thing.
12:43Stop pointing your gun at me.
12:45Stop pointing your gun at me.
12:46Can you cover your mouth?
12:54So it's true?
12:55You're infected?
12:56It obviously affects mammals slower,
12:58but yeah, it's jump species.
13:01Then perhaps in you lies the cure.
13:04Was stepping from the shadows
13:05meant to give that more weight?
13:06No, my pen rolled into the corner.
13:08But even if you do cure it,
13:10our scanners show a big, scary,
13:13dramatic spore hive
13:14growing deep underground.
13:16Real, you know, final boss vibes.
13:18They're building an ultra army.
13:20Kind of what I just said,
13:22but looks like we both need an antidote.
13:25So, tenuous alliance?
13:27Oh, unlikely allies.
13:29We got our Slimer.
13:30Dad, am I growing a horn?
13:37Yeah, just relax.
13:39I'm working on it.
13:40I can feel them.
13:41The hive.
13:43Kind of funny, huh?
13:44I hate working with others,
13:46but now the collective is calling me.
13:48Baby, send that shit to voicemail, sweetie.
13:52Cadets, for your service,
13:54the Federation stands scrung and scrung with you.
13:57Yes!
14:09Huh.
14:10You thought that would be it.
14:11Don't sweat it.
14:12We're long on bugs
14:13and short on ethics.
14:15I mean, if I gotta be fascist...
14:17Ow, shit!
14:37What the hell?
14:38No, sorry.
14:39Sorry, I brought in my rotating math projector light.
14:42Put it back in your decoration bin.
14:43Holy shit!
14:51You did it!
14:52The projector helped!
14:54Wait.
14:54Does this mean my family won't get paid?
14:56I told them my death would pay for college.
14:58Oh, you'll die.
15:00You'll all die.
15:01Eventually.
15:03Look, I know it might suck to be my daughter sometimes,
15:06but there are some perks to being related.
15:09Oh, Dad.
15:10Dad.
15:11All right.
15:16I'm still human.
15:17I like boobs.
15:18I like boob milk.
15:19Oh, no.
15:20I like jelly.
15:21I want nutritious jelly.
15:24I want boob milk.
15:26I like boobs.
15:28Turn on the cash!
15:30What?
15:31Never mind.
15:31I'll do it.
15:33I'm cured, baby!
15:35Cured human Rick!
15:38Oh, shit.
15:39Sorry, Beth.
15:40Daddy's coming!
15:40You killed a lot of us.
15:58Well, who else would be down for this?
16:01I mean, it is bring your daughter to work day.
16:06Bring your daughter to work day?
16:08It's my work, Dad.
16:10You were sitting on that one for the last six hours?
16:12Thank you, Rick.
16:13It is rare to find something Bird Daughter likes.
16:16Mask up, boys!
16:17These puppies have triple spore filters!
16:20Should keep us fungus-free!
16:21Time to deliver the payload!
16:23Is the payload a bomb or a cure?
16:25Who cares?
16:25It's a payload!
16:26I think it's time we remove Gene from the text thread.
16:40You can't respond.
16:41It only feeds the beast.
16:42Speaking of beasts, I see you are parenting as well.
16:46Oh, she called me.
16:48I'm trying not to blow it.
16:49You and me both.
16:51She let us into a trap!
17:05What trap?
17:06Didn't you want to die?
17:07Protect the payload!
17:08Let's all make an effort to check on that guy's kid in college.
17:38What about that?
17:48Oh, look at that.
17:50I think she is having a good time.
17:53Don't start celebrating yet.
18:08Let's fuckin' go!
18:12She gets it from her mother.
18:14Glad you picked up my call, Dad.
18:16Uh, glad you called.
18:18We don't have to do it all the time.
18:29Get her off!
18:30Check out the scrung on this guy!
18:42Now you've got it!
18:48This fucking guy?
18:49Yes.
18:50It's me again.
18:51I warned you, I had different-sized bugs.
18:54That was foreshadowing!
18:55Every hive needs a mind.
18:57And in those minds will be me, paying no rent at all!
19:01I might even charge rent!
19:03Quite a birthday, no?
19:05This guy's brain is cooked.
19:07Attack!
19:09Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, shit!
19:11Whoa, whoa, whoa, moving fast!
19:14Smash!
19:15Smash!
19:16You can cut all the heads off you like!
19:22You'll never be rid of me!
19:28Oh, stop laughing, you idiot!
19:31Oh, shit!
19:32Put me back on top!
19:33Put me back on top!
19:35God, not like that!
19:46No, who said you could bring a payload in here?
19:51Move, move, move!
19:53No one gets to say the phrase rent-free after I die!
19:56And it dies with me!
19:57I did everything you could do with it!
20:00Rent-free!
20:01Rent-free!
20:07So, can I kill these guys?
20:11Is the truce over?
20:12I don't know.
20:13Is it?
20:13Perhaps we Grunflemites can change
20:16without having to transform into giant monsters.
20:19I'm sure the Defiance would be interested in that.
20:22Get a room.
20:22Ha, ha.
20:24I had fun.
20:27Today, I am proud to honor heroes from both sides
20:31on what will forever mark the dawn of a new age.
20:36Not that we're going to be doing this every week.
20:38I mean, hopefully never again, actually.
20:40Congratulations.
20:40The Defiance owes you to a debt of gratitude.
20:44Rick, pretty cool to see you working with your daughter?
20:47Pretty hot.
20:49Uh, oh, okay.
20:50Yeah, yeah.
20:52Please don't fuck my coworkers.
20:54Hey, you called me.
20:55Uh, oh, okay.
21:13Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, oh, shit!
21:31Cisco, what's wrong, baby?
21:33Remember the space guy who paid me all that money to do that thing?
21:37Yeah.
21:37Well, I missed the goddamn thing!
21:39Did the space guy know you had a drug problem?
21:41Well, I didn't before I met you, Sandy!
21:44Hey!
21:45Oh, sorry, I shouldn't blame you.
21:47It's okay.
21:49More drugs?
21:51Yes, please.
21:53Oh, my God!
21:55Did you get any of that?
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