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00:00:00Grazie a tutti
00:00:30Grazie a tutti
00:01:00Grazie a tutti
00:01:29Grazie a tutti
00:01:59Grazie a tutti
00:02:01Grazie a tutti
00:02:03Grazie a tutti
00:02:05Grazie a tutti
00:02:07Grazie a tutti
00:02:09Grazie a tutti
00:02:11Grazie a tutti
00:02:13Grazie a tutti
00:02:45Grazie a tutti
00:03:17Grazie a tutti
00:03:19Grazie a tutti
00:03:21Grazie a tutti
00:03:23Grazie a tutti
00:03:25Grazie a tutti
00:03:27Grazie a tutti
00:03:29Grazie a tutti
00:03:31Grazie a tutti
00:03:33Grazie a tutti
00:04:03Grazie a tutti
00:04:33Grazie a tutti
00:04:35Grazie a tutti
00:04:37Grazie a tutti
00:04:39Grazie a tutti
00:04:41Grazie a tutti
00:04:43Grazie a tutti
00:04:45Grazie a tutti
00:04:47Grazie a tutti
00:04:49Grazie a tutti
00:04:51Grazie a tutti
00:04:53Grazie a tutti
00:04:55Grazie a tutti
00:04:57Grazie a tutti
00:04:59Grazie a tutti
00:05:01Grazie a tutti
00:05:03Grazie a tutti
00:05:05Grazie a tutti
00:05:09Grazie a tutti
00:05:09Agastro
00:05:11Grazie a tutti
00:05:12Grazie a tutti
00:05:13Grazie a tutti
00:05:15e se si è successivo e rich
00:05:26e questo è tutto il nittpicky
00:05:35C'è quello che c'è quello che c'è di come up with
00:05:36per justificare il regetto, comunque.
00:05:39No, Dickey.
00:05:40Come on.
00:05:43C'è quello che c'è quello che ha fatto forse?
00:05:47Dennis?
00:05:48Uh-huh.
00:05:49With the tooth thing?
00:05:50Non è che noticabile?
00:05:51C'è quello che c'è l'escrizione.
00:05:54C'è quello che c'è l'escrizione.
00:05:55C'è quello che c'è l'escrizione.
00:05:57C'è quello che c'è l'escrizione che c'è l'escrizione dell'escrizione?
00:06:02Oh, Cole, sì.
00:06:05Oh, now, he got all the lyrics wrong, and it was so annoying.
00:06:10Well, what about that hot, sexy Latino guy that owned the bar?
00:06:15Okay, now, he made a really weird sound when he chewed,
00:06:20and one of his toes was freakishly short.
00:06:23So, that is not...
00:06:25I can't help that.
00:06:26You know, the reason why you keep rejecting these guys
00:06:28has nothing to do with them.
00:06:30So, what should I do?
00:06:31I mean, date a guy, string him along,
00:06:34and then break his heart eventually?
00:06:36I mean, tell me how that's better.
00:06:38You are an amazing, smart, beautiful woman
00:06:41who deserves a great guy.
00:06:43The universe keeps sending them to you,
00:06:45and you keep returning them.
00:06:46Eventually, it's gonna be too late.
00:06:48Hey, what's so funny?
00:07:08Oh, you don't wanna know.
00:07:09Oh, so clicky.
00:07:10I still love you both, just a little bit less.
00:07:13How was your date with Mr. Cargo Shorts, Miles?
00:07:16It went exactly how I thought it was gonna go.
00:07:18I almost fell asleep in my tiramisu.
00:07:21So boring.
00:07:22That's too bad.
00:07:23He was so cute.
00:07:24I know, but it's gotta be this cute
00:07:25to get away with cargo shorts, honey.
00:07:27How'd he take it?
00:07:28The usual way.
00:07:31You still slept with him?
00:07:32A lady never tells.
00:07:33A toast to somebody
00:07:36who just secured the storefront on Melrose
00:07:39that they've been stocking for a year.
00:07:44Oh, my God.
00:07:45You are a rock star.
00:07:47We start construction next month.
00:07:48I just got a shipment
00:07:49of the most beautiful fabric
00:07:50the world has ever seen.
00:07:52Do you wanna see the new one?
00:07:52Yes, yes, yes.
00:07:53Okay.
00:07:54Bam.
00:07:56Llamas.
00:07:57Alpacas.
00:07:58Llamas are so 2018.
00:08:00Of course, Donna by Design
00:08:01will be doing the grand opening.
00:08:02Of course.
00:08:05What if we have actual alpacas there?
00:08:08And then we make the gift bags
00:08:09out of your material.
00:08:10Do alpacas spit?
00:08:12I think that's camels.
00:08:14No, alpacas do spit,
00:08:15but not the ones you rack.
00:08:16They're chill.
00:08:16They'll do selfies.
00:08:23Hi, baby.
00:08:25You want garlic potatoes
00:08:26and baked chicken tonight?
00:08:29Surprise me.
00:08:31Paul is so insanely hot.
00:08:32Mr. Average Gourmet Chef
00:08:35bodybuilder
00:08:35who can't keep his hands off me.
00:08:37His arms are ridiculous.
00:08:40You know how the elevator
00:08:40in our building's
00:08:41from, like, the 1800s?
00:08:43Literally,
00:08:43any time it's not working,
00:08:44he just carries me up the stairs.
00:08:46It's so romantic.
00:08:48Speaking of romantic,
00:08:49enjoy your little sleepover,
00:08:50did we?
00:08:51Yes, with the night.
00:08:52Try to keep up.
00:08:52Okay, it was fine.
00:08:55Until...
00:08:56Okay, here we go.
00:08:57Mm-hmm.
00:08:57Mm-hmm.
00:08:58Mm-hmm.
00:08:59You guys, he wears
00:09:00tighty-whities.
00:09:01It would be like
00:09:01having sex with my dad.
00:09:03Your dad wears boxer briefs.
00:09:05What?
00:09:05I accidentally saw him
00:09:07changing during one of your
00:09:08pool parties in middle school.
00:09:09Ew.
00:09:09Oh.
00:09:10Your daddy was packing heat.
00:09:12Ew, stop.
00:09:14Oh, my God.
00:09:14That's a very large heel.
00:09:15No, no, no, no.
00:09:16This is ridiculous.
00:09:18Give me that.
00:09:18I'm gonna pick the next one,
00:09:19and I dare you to find
00:09:21something wrong with him.
00:09:22Okay.
00:09:23Ad exec.
00:09:24Major agency gorgeous.
00:09:266'1".
00:09:27And I know he doesn't wear
00:09:28tighty-whities,
00:09:28because here's a picture
00:09:29of him looking fine
00:09:30in a pair of $165
00:09:33Derrick Rose boxers.
00:09:35Bam.
00:09:36Bald.
00:09:38So?
00:09:39I don't find bald guys
00:09:40sexy.
00:09:41I never have.
00:09:41I can't get past
00:09:42the whole Mr. Clean thing.
00:09:43Mr. Clean is frickin' hot.
00:09:45And you know his house
00:09:46would be spotlit.
00:09:48That's strange.
00:09:49They're saying that
00:09:50whole virus thing
00:09:51is crazy contagious.
00:09:53Like it could end up
00:09:54being a pandemic.
00:09:56The news is so extra.
00:09:58Always exaggerating.
00:10:00Delivery.
00:10:12Hey, thanks.
00:10:22All right.
00:10:23Mask up.
00:10:24Oh, my gosh.
00:10:30I am so sorry.
00:10:30I thought you were done.
00:10:32I'm almost done.
00:10:34Oh, my God.
00:10:34I know that wasn't six feet,
00:10:36but I want you to know
00:10:37I have not left my house
00:10:39since lockdown started.
00:10:40Okay?
00:10:41I have not had close
00:10:42physical contact
00:10:43with anyone else.
00:10:44Like in a long time.
00:10:47Like even before the virus.
00:10:48Oh, that's sad.
00:10:52Well, I mean, you know,
00:10:53I have friends
00:10:53and I go on dates,
00:10:55but, you know,
00:10:56I just don't hook up
00:10:56with anybody.
00:10:57What I'm saying is
00:10:58I'm totally safe.
00:11:00Oh.
00:11:01Can I go now?
00:11:03Of course.
00:11:03Of course.
00:11:04I'll wait till you're done.
00:11:05Bye.
00:11:18Bye.
00:11:19Bye.
00:11:20Bye.
00:11:21Bye.
00:11:22Bye.
00:11:23Bye.
00:11:24Bye.
00:11:25Bye.
00:11:26Bye.
00:11:27Bye.
00:11:28Bye.
00:11:29Bye.
00:11:31Bye.
00:11:32Bye.
00:11:33Bye.
00:11:34Bye.
00:11:35Bye.
00:11:36Bye.
00:11:37Bye.
00:11:38Bye.
00:11:39Bye.
00:11:40Bye.
00:11:41Bye.
00:11:42Bye.
00:11:43Bye.
00:11:44Bye.
00:11:45Bye.
00:11:46Bye.
00:11:47Bye.
00:11:48Grazie a tutti.
00:12:18Grazie a tutti.
00:12:48Grazie a tutti.
00:13:18Grazie a tutti.
00:13:20Grazie a tutti.
00:13:52Grazie a tutti.
00:14:22Grazie a tutti.
00:14:24Grazie a tutti.
00:16:56Grazie a tutti.
00:17:00Grazie a tutti.
00:17:32Grazie a tutti.
00:18:34Do you want to take this to the next level and FaceTime?
00:18:38Whoa, slow down there.
00:18:39We just mette.
00:18:40Uh, sure.
00:18:43Why not?
00:18:44Okay.
00:18:45All right.
00:18:48Uh, is Brandon there?
00:18:52Uh, is Brandon there?
00:19:14Yeah.
00:19:15Is Brandon there?
00:19:16Yeah.
00:19:17Yeah.
00:19:18Let me get him for you.
00:19:21Ta-da!
00:19:24Ta-da!
00:19:25Oh.
00:19:26It's you.
00:19:28It's just that your profile pic, you know, you looked a lot, uh...
00:19:33Younger, with more hair.
00:19:34With more hair.
00:19:35Yeah.
00:19:36Yeah.
00:19:37I...
00:19:38I...
00:19:39They're not the most recent photos, but they're all me.
00:19:41Ah.
00:19:42Gotcha.
00:19:43But I did lie about something.
00:19:45Okay.
00:19:46Yeah.
00:19:47I don't have day and night pajamas.
00:19:50What I have are inside and outside pajamas.
00:19:56And those are?
00:19:58Well, these are outside pajamas, of course.
00:20:00What kind of Neanderthal would greet a lady in his inside pajamas, please?
00:20:04Well, at least you have a nice place to quarantine.
00:20:08And that fireplace is huge.
00:20:10Yes.
00:20:11But it's not how big it is.
00:20:12It's how you use it.
00:20:17So, uh...
00:20:18What do you do?
00:20:20What do I do?
00:20:21I, uh...
00:20:23I help rich people manage their time so that they can make even more money.
00:20:30Ah.
00:20:31A consultant.
00:20:32Oh, hello.
00:20:33Yes, hello.
00:20:35Oh, my God!
00:20:37Who's this?
00:20:38Uh, this is Countryside Winter Bell of Northampton Acres.
00:20:41You're kidding me.
00:20:43I wish I was.
00:20:44Yeah, I didn't name her.
00:20:45She's a...
00:20:46a show champion.
00:20:47But I call her Steve.
00:20:48Say hello, Steve.
00:20:50Aw.
00:20:51Poor princess.
00:20:52That's terrible.
00:20:53Uh, she's adorable, so she gets away with murder.
00:20:56Which I'm sure you can relate to.
00:21:01Uh...
00:21:02Brandon.
00:21:03Okay, you're killing my game here, Steve.
00:21:05I seriously was crushing this.
00:21:06Look, you're a great guy.
00:21:08Great!
00:21:09I'll meet you at City Hall in an hour and we can...
00:21:11tie the knot.
00:21:15No, I get it.
00:21:16You're, uh...
00:21:17You're out of my league.
00:21:19What?
00:21:20I didn't say that.
00:21:21Didn't you?
00:21:22I'm really sorry.
00:21:23Yeah.
00:21:24Look, I know I should have put up more recent photos and, uh...
00:21:29I also know how the world works.
00:21:34And for the first time in my life...
00:21:37I feel like I'm running out of time.
00:21:41Turns out, a global pandemic can cause a lot of soul searching.
00:21:47Who knew?
00:21:48Hey, maybe there's a multiverse out there where your insides matter more than your outsides.
00:21:53And if there is, I'll meet you there.
00:21:55But, uh...
00:21:57Until then, I'm sorry I wasted your time.
00:22:01Say goodbye to the nice lady, Steve.
00:22:03Goodbye.
00:22:06Uh, wait.
00:22:08How do you like your steak?
00:22:09My steak?
00:22:11Like, literally?
00:22:12Or is this some kind of a sex thing?
00:22:14No, literally.
00:22:16Uh, medium?
00:22:18Usually I just leave it up to the chef.
00:22:20Nothing weird on top?
00:22:21Is steak sauce weird?
00:22:24Okay.
00:22:26If you had to choose...
00:22:28The original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...
00:22:30Or the Tim Burton remake?
00:22:32You are not seriously asking me that.
00:22:34I am.
00:22:35Okay, if aliens were given that remake...
00:22:37To decide whether or not to keep us alive as a species...
00:22:40They would instantly vaporize us.
00:22:42And they should.
00:22:44Right, Steve?
00:22:49Dogs or cats?
00:22:52Hmm.
00:22:53Well...
00:22:54I'm actually allergic to cats.
00:22:56But I love them so much, I'm gonna pick them anyway.
00:22:59Sorry, Steve.
00:23:00Oh, she's already stormed off to file a complaint with HR.
00:23:05My mistake.
00:23:06It's time for the morning walkies.
00:23:08Oh, crap.
00:23:09What time is it?
00:23:11It is...
00:23:128.52.
00:23:14I have to be at work in eight minutes.
00:23:15Oh my God, quit getting the shower!
00:23:17Ah, where are my shoes?
00:23:19No, but seriously, I do have to go.
00:23:21I try and look semi-human for work.
00:23:24Well, this was really nice.
00:23:26Yeah.
00:23:27It certainly was.
00:23:29Can I call you later?
00:23:31Sure.
00:23:32I'll be done around soon.
00:23:33Oh.
00:23:34Yeah, two won't work.
00:23:36I'll be placing my empty pizza box on top of my trash Jenga pile.
00:23:40How's three?
00:23:42Mmm, no.
00:23:43Sorry, that's not gonna work,
00:23:44cause I'm gonna be holding my hair like this
00:23:46to see if bangs would work at three, so...
00:23:49Yeah.
00:23:50Well, this just isn't gonna work out.
00:23:51Oh, no, you know, I guess not.
00:23:53It's nice meeting you, though.
00:23:55Stay safe.
00:23:56Stay safe.
00:23:57Jinx!
00:23:58Well, now I'm gonna have to call you so you can un-jinx me.
00:24:03You hang up first.
00:24:04No, you hang up first.
00:24:11Anyone else have anything?
00:24:14I need an article about 90s TV shows.
00:24:18Vanessa, why don't you do it?
00:24:19Let's do it.
00:24:20You grew up watching them.
00:24:21I'm only nine years older than you.
00:24:24Ten.
00:24:25What ifs?
00:24:27See, that's something old people say.
00:24:30Like lit, or fam, or Facebook.
00:24:34Okay, before we say goodbye, let's just go around and do one quick round of...
00:24:38Oh, I...
00:24:39I...
00:24:40My...
00:24:41Modem is freezing.
00:24:42I...
00:24:43Let me...
00:24:44Back...
00:24:46Oh, no.
00:24:47Miles, no.
00:24:48We talked about this.
00:24:49I am a carbon-based life-form.
00:24:50This is how we process waste.
00:24:52It's disgusting.
00:24:53Everybody poops, Donna.
00:24:54I read it in a book.
00:24:56Would you just call us back when you're done?
00:24:58Wait.
00:24:59I'm done.
00:25:00Oh, God.
00:25:01That was not 20 seconds.
00:25:02I'm in my own home, Donatella.
00:25:03What am I touching?
00:25:04Everything.
00:25:05Oh.
00:25:06I'm so sorry.
00:25:07Excuse me.
00:25:08I'm just a little tired from my all-nighter last night.
00:25:09Oh.
00:25:10Mmm.
00:25:11You cybered with Mr. Great Hair last night?
00:25:12Yep.
00:25:13His name is Mr. Great Hair.
00:25:14Oh.
00:25:15Oh.
00:25:16Oh.
00:25:17Oh.
00:25:18Oh.
00:25:19Oh.
00:25:20Oh.
00:25:21Oh.
00:25:22Oh.
00:25:23Oh.
00:25:24Oh.
00:25:25Oh.
00:25:26Oh.
00:25:27Oh.
00:25:28Oh.
00:25:29Oh.
00:25:30Oh.
00:25:31Oh.
00:25:32Oh.
00:25:33Oh.
00:25:34It's Brandon.
00:25:35And to be honest, those pics were from like 20 pounds and two inches of hairline ago.
00:25:40I knew it.
00:25:41That was the hair of the gods.
00:25:43Wait.
00:25:44I'm confused.
00:25:45It took you all night to tell him never to contact you again?
00:25:48Brutal.
00:25:52No.
00:25:53We actually spent all night getting to know each other.
00:25:56Never met anyone like him.
00:25:59But?
00:26:00There's no but.
00:26:01There's always a but.
00:26:03Not this time.
00:26:04Not this time.
00:26:05He's funny.
00:26:06And sweet.
00:26:07Smart.
00:26:08And, you know, he also has an insane home in the Hollywood Hills.
00:26:12So.
00:26:13Okay.
00:26:14So, you're not attracted to him.
00:26:15You're attracted to his house.
00:26:16Hey, that's not fair.
00:26:18She's attracted to his job also.
00:26:20Yes.
00:26:21He's successful.
00:26:22But he's also not my type.
00:26:23So I feel like those two things cancel each other out.
00:26:26That isn't how love works.
00:26:28It's not anti-matter.
00:26:31Isn't it?
00:26:32I mean, we trade the imperfections we can't live with for the ones that we can.
00:26:35Plus, you guys knew me before.
00:26:38You know how hard I've worked to really get to like who I am today.
00:26:42Yeah, sure, you were fluffier and your skin was interesting.
00:26:47But you were still the same person on the inside.
00:26:49People love to say that.
00:26:51But it's not true.
00:26:53You know, when you live in a world where your outside is more important than the inside,
00:26:58it changes your inside.
00:27:00And not for the good.
00:27:02Well, how much do we even know about this guy?
00:27:05Have you read him through your Scrub Me program?
00:27:07No, not yet.
00:27:09But I'm gonna get his last name at dinner tonight and then I'm going deep.
00:27:12Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, background check.
00:27:15This guy has so much as an unpaid parking ticket, I'm gonna find it.
00:27:18Or, hear me out, you could just trust that he's a good guy.
00:27:23Yeah, because insane psycho stalkers usually put that right in their profile.
00:27:32Ooh, that reminds me.
00:27:34I need to see if he had a MySpace page.
00:27:35What, you have nothing in your digital profile?
00:27:38Of course I do.
00:27:39Which is exactly why I hid it.
00:27:41Try and keep up.
00:27:42Listen, you know, I'm all for the background check.
00:27:45But the other stuff, if you like him, you like him.
00:27:51Oh, wait.
00:27:52What time is it?
00:27:53Crap.
00:27:54I gotta go shave my legs for tonight.
00:27:56We're having our first girl dinner date.
00:27:58No guy wants to accidentally find out the girl he's talking to is half Yeti.
00:28:02Donna, will you stay out with me?
00:28:04I want us to watch Housewives together.
00:28:05Um, I have to go do something first.
00:28:08What?
00:28:09Just take me with you.
00:28:10No.
00:28:11Wait.
00:28:13Are you pooping?
00:28:15Girls don't poop.
00:28:16Yes, you do.
00:28:17No.
00:28:18Actually, we don't.
00:28:19Ever.
00:28:20Siri!
00:28:21Do girls poop?
00:28:22Girls do poop.
00:28:23Here are some videos.
00:28:24No.
00:28:25No.
00:28:26God, no.
00:28:27Now listen, this is a very important night for me.
00:28:44Don't you mess it up, okay?
00:28:46Deal?
00:28:47High fives.
00:28:48Let's see.
00:28:49Okay.
00:28:50Okay.
00:28:51Fine.
00:28:52Here.
00:28:53I'm a little nervous, okay?
00:28:55Here we go.
00:28:56Okay.
00:28:57I told you no teeth.
00:28:58I'll get...
00:28:59Hi.
00:29:00Wow.
00:29:01you look ravishing.
00:29:02This old thing...
00:29:03You've had it forever.
00:29:04You look quite handsome yourself.
00:29:06Well, thank you.
00:29:07Actually, I, uh, since it's our first date, I'm gonna get it.
00:29:08Okay.
00:29:09Okay.
00:29:10Okay.
00:29:11Okay.
00:29:12Okay.
00:29:13Okay.
00:29:14Okay.
00:29:15Okay.
00:29:16Okay.
00:29:17Okay.
00:29:18Okay.
00:29:19Okay.
00:29:20All right.
00:29:21Okay.
00:29:22Okay.
00:29:23Okay.
00:29:24Okay.
00:29:25Okay.
00:29:26Okay.
00:29:27Okay.
00:29:28Okay.
00:29:29Okay.
00:29:30Okay.
00:29:31I decided to wear pants.
00:29:34Wow.
00:29:35And shoes.
00:29:37I remember those.
00:29:38Yes, it was a very emotional reunion.
00:29:44So, Brandon, what's your last name?
00:29:48It's Donaldson.
00:29:50What's yours?
00:29:51McConnell.
00:29:52I've been talking to you for like eight hours today,
00:29:55and I never asked you what you do for a living.
00:29:57Well, first of all, it was ten.
00:29:59And secondly, I work for a company
00:30:01that suppresses negative Internet results on Google.
00:30:04Basically, we write original content
00:30:06to push the stuff that people don't want you to see
00:30:08to the third page.
00:30:10You know you could just click past the first two pages
00:30:12of a Google search and go straight to the third page, right?
00:30:14Yeah.
00:30:15What?
00:30:16Hold on.
00:30:17I've got to write this down.
00:30:18I'm calling my boss.
00:30:20You have just blown this whole operation wide open.
00:30:23I'm sorry it had to come from me.
00:30:24Well, to lockdown.
00:30:30To lockdown.
00:30:37Wow.
00:30:39What?
00:30:41It's just I keep having these moments
00:30:43where I realize certain things are just gone forever.
00:30:47like toasting.
00:30:52Jesus.
00:30:53You're right.
00:30:56I mean, we used to touch our glasses together
00:30:58and then drink from them.
00:30:59We used to blow candles out on birthday cakes,
00:31:02slice them up,
00:31:03and distribute them to children.
00:31:04So, I go into the boys' bathroom
00:31:13and I wind up a ton of toilet paper
00:31:15and I shove it into both nostrils.
00:31:17Ugh, no.
00:31:18Oh, yeah.
00:31:19And I'm praying,
00:31:21please, let me get past the next few hours of second grade
00:31:24and no one will know that I have a bloody nose.
00:31:27Oh, yes.
00:31:28Foolproof plan.
00:31:30Thank you.
00:31:31All right.
00:31:31So, it's the end of school
00:31:32and I dart across the playground
00:31:36and I'm thinking I'm getting there
00:31:39and there's a line of pre-K kids
00:31:41walking so slowly, you know,
00:31:43with the rope and everything
00:31:44and I feel the surge coming
00:31:46but I get past them
00:31:47and then for some reason I turn
00:31:49and then blood splurting out of both nostrils.
00:31:54No!
00:31:55It's like if the end of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre
00:31:58and the elevator scene of The Shining had a baby.
00:32:00and from that point
00:32:04until the end of the 12th grade
00:32:06I was known
00:32:07as Bloody Mary.
00:32:14Wow!
00:32:15Oh, yeah.
00:32:16That beats mine for sure.
00:32:18I told you mine was worse.
00:32:21Oh, what time is it?
00:32:24Uh, like 3 a.m., I think.
00:32:27I gotta go to bed.
00:32:30Okay.
00:32:31Good night, V.
00:32:34Is it okay that I called you V?
00:32:37Yeah.
00:32:38Sure.
00:32:39My best friends call me that.
00:32:45Good night.
00:32:47Bloody Mary.
00:32:48I will come for you.
00:32:55Look at my new mask.
00:32:57Oh, it's cute.
00:32:58Those little dogs?
00:33:00No, they're dicks.
00:33:02That way, if anybody's like
00:33:04why are there dicks on your mask,
00:33:06I can tell them
00:33:06if you can tell they're dicks,
00:33:08you're standing too close.
00:33:09Six feet apart, motherfucker!
00:33:12Brilliant.
00:33:13Dick mask!
00:33:14yes honey i will take two
00:33:16i made it out of the t-shirt fabric
00:33:18i just sold 45 no 49
00:33:20people ordered them do you know what
00:33:22this means i am at the
00:33:24forefront i'm gonna be a titan of
00:33:26industry so
00:33:28did you get his last name
00:33:29yes i did
00:33:32well don't keep us waiting how
00:33:34bad is it
00:33:35well i haven't looked him up yet
00:33:37i was going to
00:33:39and then i thought you know
00:33:41i've over analyzed
00:33:44every relationship i've ever had
00:33:46but what if i just trust this
00:33:48maybe miles was right
00:33:49i'm sorry i was looking at my phone
00:33:51and then i heard maybe miles is right so i'm back
00:33:53okay brandon is going to be
00:33:56joining us in a minute and i want to go over some
00:33:58ground rules no being
00:34:00psycho no
00:34:01embarrassing stories from when we were kids
00:34:03what about cbs especially cbs
00:34:06i promise nothing
00:34:08you guys i think i really
00:34:10like this guy don't screw it up for me
00:34:12okay
00:34:12okay
00:34:14vanessa got caught
00:34:22shoplifting tampons from cbs and peter pants
00:34:24i mean hi
00:34:28i'm donna
00:34:30did i do that wrong
00:34:32i'm gonna murder you
00:34:34uh hi
00:34:38everyone nice nice to meet you guys
00:34:41hi i'd like to offer my condolences
00:34:45on the loss of your hair
00:34:47brandon i am so sorry
00:34:50no no that's okay
00:34:51now when your hair was still with us
00:34:53what kind of product did you use
00:34:55well this was fun guys
00:34:57bye
00:34:58no no it's fine
00:35:00don't worry we're not crazy
00:35:02not at all boxers or briefs
00:35:05mankinis
00:35:06classic pisces
00:35:09actually i'm a leo
00:35:10yeah but what the gemini rising about
00:35:12donna what the hell are you talking about
00:35:14you don't know anything about astrology
00:35:16classic pisces
00:35:18all right what sign comes after pisces
00:35:20pikachu
00:35:21guys
00:35:23you're being psycho
00:35:24a little psycho
00:35:25but it shows that they care about you
00:35:28which i can understand
00:35:29because
00:35:30you're kind of wonderful
00:35:32aww
00:35:35fun fact
00:35:37ted bundy was one of the most charming guys you'd ever meet
00:35:40that fact is not fun
00:35:42okay
00:35:43i'll make you two a deal
00:35:45once there's a vaccine
00:35:47i promise to let you know
00:35:48if i follow through with my plan to murder vanessa
00:35:51cut her into little pieces that i scatter in trash cans
00:35:54based on an excel chart i've put together with the la county trash collection system
00:35:58deal
00:35:59deal
00:36:01deal
00:36:02so
00:36:02what are you guys gonna do for your first real date
00:36:06you mean
00:36:06like in person
00:36:08well i uh
00:36:09i hadn't really thought about that
00:36:11i mean i want us to be safe obviously
00:36:15well the restaurants are closed
00:36:17what about the swan boats
00:36:19and echo park lake
00:36:20it's outside
00:36:21you can be six feet apart
00:36:22you can wear your mask
00:36:23yeah
00:36:25um
00:36:25i want the first time we meet to be special
00:36:29you know
00:36:30i don't want to have to wear a mask
00:36:32or
00:36:32i certainly don't want to be six feet away from you
00:36:35okay
00:36:38well
00:36:38what if we waited
00:36:40you know what if he
00:36:41picked a date that's way down the line
00:36:43and if there's a vaccine by then
00:36:45we meet
00:36:45i got it
00:36:47halloween
00:36:48could you come up with a less romantic holiday
00:36:50plus there's no way there's gonna be a vaccine by then
00:36:53what about christmas
00:36:54you can unwrap each other
00:36:56what do you mean ew that's sexy
00:37:00what about valentine's day
00:37:03i mean that's nine months away
00:37:04but is it romantic enough
00:37:06ah good point
00:37:09valentine's day it is
00:37:11now
00:37:12i heard you all think you're pretty good at cards with friends
00:37:16pretty good
00:37:17i will annihilate you
00:37:20it was my major in college
00:37:23i warned you
00:37:24they're fierce
00:37:25bring it on
00:37:26okay you ready
00:37:28the next one is
00:37:29for his self-produced album
00:37:32mark zuckerberg
00:37:34raps to the sounds of
00:37:36my mom
00:37:52hey guys
00:37:59donna by design here
00:38:00and i'm gonna teach you how to make a homemade facial mask
00:38:03with stuff you already have in your kitchen
00:38:05just mix mashed bananas
00:38:07yogurt
00:38:07and honey
00:38:08and apply it to your face
00:38:10wait 15 minutes before rinsing off
00:38:14and you'll have skin smoother than a baby's butt
00:38:16well we are officially in lockdown
00:38:20which means people are staying at home
00:38:22and only interacting with those inside their social bubble
00:38:25or if you're single like me
00:38:26your cats
00:38:27many people have expanded their bubbles
00:38:32to include extended family members
00:38:34we've just moved my mother-in-law in with us
00:38:37and i'm looking forward to all getting to spend
00:38:39a lot of quality time together
00:38:41delivery
00:38:51oh okay thanks
00:38:53you can just leave it there
00:38:54oh by the way
00:38:56i left some snacks for you outside
00:38:57just help yourself
00:38:58oh thanks
00:38:59i coughed on all of them
00:39:02kidding kidding
00:39:05it's a little joke to get us through this crazy time
00:39:07you know what i mean
00:39:08never have i ever drunk texted an ex
00:39:18vanessa
00:39:20lies
00:39:23so i guess you're forgetting all about mitchell
00:39:26and me
00:39:27having to go into the men's room with him
00:39:29to accidentally bump his phone into the toilet
00:39:32do you know how many guy codes i had to break to do that
00:39:35wait you actually made him do that
00:39:38begged me
00:39:39crying
00:39:40and it wasn't just a text
00:39:43okay next round
00:39:47oh no no no no i want to know
00:39:48what did you send him
00:39:49look at this photograph
00:39:52yeah well i can't say i'm in shock
00:39:57because vanessa sent me a bunch of pics on our first night
00:39:59oh
00:40:00brandon
00:40:02yeah i was very disturbed by them
00:40:03although my friends are quite happy
00:40:05since they all use them as their screensavers
00:40:07he's a keeper
00:40:14hey guys
00:40:17donna again
00:40:18if you're like me
00:40:18you struggle with your oily t-zone
00:40:20so just puree cucumber
00:40:22lemon
00:40:22mint
00:40:23and egg white
00:40:24spread it
00:40:26smells like a sponet
00:40:30well as the 4th of july
00:40:34and with it comes restrictions on gatherings of more than 10 people
00:40:38so the usual bbqs are cancelled
00:40:41which is actually a relief to people who are tired of being asked
00:40:45at every family function
00:40:47why they don't have kids yet
00:40:49i would be making my famous ribs like i do every year
00:40:57but this year my mother-in-law wants turkey burgers
00:41:00so we're having turkey burgers
00:41:05it's fine
00:41:07oh hi
00:41:12hey
00:41:14oh
00:41:15quite the little sweatshop you've got going on over there
00:41:18literally
00:41:18can you turn up the ac
00:41:20you're killing my overhead peyton
00:41:22okay now i i promised my great-grandmother millie
00:41:30that i would never divulge her secret banana nut muffin recipe
00:41:33however
00:41:34i think she'd give you a pass
00:41:36right steve
00:41:38yeah
00:41:38aww
00:41:40well thank you millie
00:41:42okay
00:41:43now the secret here
00:41:44is you need to cut the butter
00:41:46into the flour
00:41:47using your hands
00:41:50just
00:41:52stick my hands in there
00:41:54uh-huh
00:41:54all right
00:41:55uh
00:41:56okay
00:41:57here we go
00:41:58yeah you got a little
00:42:02little on your nose there
00:42:04i do
00:42:05it's adorable
00:42:07if i was there i would wipe it off
00:42:09oh okay
00:42:10well let's
00:42:11did i
00:42:12did i get it
00:42:13maybe a little on the cheek
00:42:15a little on
00:42:16what about up here
00:42:17did i get any up here
00:42:18maybe the
00:42:19the other cheek
00:42:20oh well let's
00:42:22did i get it now
00:42:24because
00:42:24if i didn't
00:42:26that would be really
00:42:27really embarrassing
00:42:28oh yeah yeah
00:42:29you got it
00:42:30okay
00:42:34donna
00:42:35miles
00:42:36you're up
00:42:37ow
00:42:41god damn it
00:42:42yes
00:42:45this is a really dumb game
00:42:51ow
00:42:52oh
00:42:53oh
00:42:54oh
00:42:55oh
00:42:56so close
00:42:56that was
00:42:59not even close
00:43:00okay
00:43:00i'm asian
00:43:06i should be better
00:43:07with ping pong balls
00:43:08yes
00:43:12okay donna
00:43:13your turn
00:43:14donna
00:43:15huh
00:43:15yeah
00:43:16donna
00:43:17come on
00:43:18come on
00:43:19lightweight
00:43:22i win
00:43:25i win
00:43:26i win
00:43:26delivery
00:43:34oh
00:43:36hey
00:43:37can you do me a huge favor
00:43:38uh
00:43:39there's a basket out there
00:43:41of muffins
00:43:41that i need delivered to that address
00:43:43there's twenty bucks taped to it
00:43:44we're not really supposed to do any deliveries
00:43:46that don't come from dispatch
00:43:47please
00:43:49i met this guy online
00:43:51and i made those muffins from his great-grandmother's secret recipe
00:43:53and he's gonna love them
00:43:55you know
00:43:55it's crazy how close you can get to someone
00:43:58without ever actually physically touching them
00:44:00you know what i mean
00:44:00i mean like
00:44:01not in a sexual way
00:44:03but
00:44:03actually you know
00:44:04maybe in a sexual way
00:44:06if i do this delivery
00:44:07can we stop talking about this
00:44:09oh
00:44:09sure
00:44:10yeah
00:44:11oh i left an extra basket of muffins out there for you too
00:44:14they're unwrapped
00:44:17well yeah
00:44:18they're homemade
00:44:19and they're really hard to make okay
00:44:21i put my blood sweat and tears into those
00:44:23delivery
00:44:32yes
00:44:33can i help you
00:44:36yeah delivery
00:44:37yeah i didn't order any muffins
00:44:39no they're from vanessa
00:44:42from vanessa
00:44:44oh
00:44:46the muffins
00:44:49yeah
00:44:49what
00:44:51you didn't eat one did you
00:44:52no of course not
00:44:53oh thank god
00:44:55yeah because that batch is like
00:44:57a hundred percent pure
00:44:58you would have had a really bad trip
00:45:01these are drug muffins
00:45:03you're
00:45:03my hug
00:45:04muffin
00:45:05i was gonna tip you
00:45:12come here
00:45:20steve i gotcha
00:45:22these muffins are not for you
00:45:24these are for me
00:45:25wow
00:45:31almost as good as yours granny
00:45:37i met someone
00:45:41i wish you could have met her too
00:45:45because she's amazing
00:45:49hey hey hey
00:45:56it's your girl donna
00:45:57and i didn't get a chance to go to the supermarket this week
00:46:00so i'm working with what i have
00:46:02oatmeal
00:46:02avocado
00:46:03and a little french vanilla creamer
00:46:05mmm
00:46:09it smells delicious
00:46:11huh
00:46:13it chiseled a little
00:46:15there's something so weird about no contact trick or treating right
00:46:20oh
00:46:21the kids don't care as long as they get their candy
00:46:23in fact they prefer it
00:46:25no small talk
00:46:26ooh
00:46:27bull size
00:46:27impressive
00:46:28for the kids
00:46:30absolutely
00:46:31i may or may not have gotten all of my favorites
00:46:35for the children
00:46:36of course
00:46:36hey guys
00:46:39me again
00:46:40so the last mask didn't work out so well
00:46:43but that's why the good lord invented calamine lotion
00:46:45this mask has expired milk
00:46:48oats
00:46:49and cinnamon
00:46:50mmm
00:46:51i can really feel it getting deep in my pores
00:46:55it's deep in there
00:46:59it's like a burning sensation
00:47:01okay now it's really burning
00:47:05the dreaded second wave is upon us
00:47:12which means unfortunately
00:47:13people will be forced to have a virtual thanksgiving this year
00:47:17although it might be the least stressful turkey day they've ever had
00:47:20because they will be able to avoid the never-ending questions about their personal life
00:47:26back to you
00:47:28that's right courtney
00:47:29lucky for me my mother-in-law is still in our bubble
00:47:33so i get to hear in person
00:47:34how dry my turkey is
00:47:37happy thanksgiving
00:48:05hi
00:48:07oh
00:48:09happy thanksgiving to you too
00:48:11ow
00:48:12i'm sorry
00:48:13it's just the holiday orders are killing me
00:48:15i need more rudolph
00:48:17i said use candy cane
00:48:19it really is the most wonderful time of the year
00:48:21i can't believe you're making peyton work on thanksgiving
00:48:25what
00:48:26it's not like he has any place to go
00:48:28plus i got him a six inch turkey sub
00:48:30you
00:48:31said footlong
00:48:32i ordered a footlong we're splitting it
00:48:35paul's been cheating on me
00:48:41oh peyton peyton stop the machines
00:48:43but we have like another hundred to do
00:48:45my friend is hurting she needs me
00:48:47for the next five to ten minutes
00:48:50i was going through his phone to find this really hot picture of me that he took the other day
00:48:56when she texted him
00:48:57she was all like
00:48:58hey baby
00:48:59why don't you say you're gonna run another errand so you can see me
00:49:02donna honey i'm so sorry
00:49:09i told him to pack his crap and get the hell out of my house
00:49:12that's my girl
00:49:16and the worst part isn't even the lying or the cheating or the sneaking around
00:49:20who knows how much corona this trash has been exposed to
00:49:24and he's been bringing it home here to me
00:49:26i hope this junk falls off
00:49:29right off
00:49:30what do you need
00:49:32soup
00:49:33vodka
00:49:34i will bring over a care package
00:49:35pass it through the window
00:49:36i'll keep on a mask
00:49:37i'll sit in the fire escape
00:49:38we'll watch really really bad movies
00:49:40and i will send you my favorite compilation of cats being jerks videos
00:49:44which will make you laugh so hard
00:49:46you'll pee your pants like you're vanessa at cvs
00:49:48and i'll bring gummy sharks
00:49:51but the ones from the bottom of the bin so they're extra squishy
00:49:54you guys are the best
00:49:58but i'm fine here by myself
00:50:01i'm just gonna give myself a manicure
00:50:05order a bunch of crap online i don't need and take a nap
00:50:08that sounds perfect
00:50:12hey what color snuggie should i get
00:50:15oh god no
00:50:17buddy ever went wrong with classic blue
00:50:20blue
00:50:21i'm working on a blog post about all the different things you can do with duct tape
00:50:31did you know that the astronauts used it in space to put a wing back on the shuttle
00:50:36that 100% never happened
00:50:40and it's duct tape
00:50:41d-u-c-t tape
00:50:45so annoying
00:50:47i'm not the one who doesn't know how to spell duck brian
00:50:50so who's annoying now
00:50:52and you still are
00:50:54every
00:50:56single
00:50:57day
00:50:59okay okay
00:51:02everyone relax
00:51:03um claire it's duct
00:51:06like air duct
00:51:07never mind
00:51:09it it's fine
00:51:11look we're all stressed
00:51:14i get it
00:51:16vanessa
00:51:18um
00:51:19have you finished that call of duty listicle
00:51:21vanessa
00:51:26hello
00:51:28oh what
00:51:30uh uh
00:51:32yeah yeah yeah yeah uh call of duty icicles got it
00:51:36what's wrong with you
00:51:38nothing
00:51:39why
00:51:40because zoning out for no reason is a rona symptom
00:51:44oh my god are you serious you can't kiss the rona through the internet
00:51:49you don't know how sneaky this thing is it was made by scientists
00:51:53and i'm already at risk because i'm using 5g and i am not giving that up
00:51:59dad devin took the last twinkie even though you told him i could have it
00:52:03that's not fair i only got two and she got one
00:52:07one is less than two idiots
00:52:10dad
00:52:11dad
00:52:11chloe called me an idiot
00:52:14can y'all
00:52:14excuse me for a moment please
00:52:16devin
00:52:20this is what happens when you do minecraft
00:52:22and not math
00:52:23and neither one of you should be eating twinkies this close to dinner
00:52:26but dad
00:52:28but dad
00:52:30santa claus just text me and said he heard all of it
00:52:37happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday
00:52:59happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday birthday to you
00:53:05yay
00:53:06okay
00:53:08make a wish
00:53:09this is ridiculous
00:53:12everybody's having zoom birthday parties
00:53:16it's fun
00:53:17okay
00:53:18now blow
00:53:19seriously
00:53:21I wish that Paul and that hoe
00:53:28both get corona and die screaming
00:53:29You're not supposed to say your wish out loud
00:53:32But the wish can still come true
00:53:34Present!
00:53:39Present!
00:53:40Present!
00:53:40Present!
00:53:41Present!
00:53:41Present!
00:53:44Read the card
00:53:45To Donna
00:53:51The coolest, funniest, wildest, most adventurous girl we know
00:53:55What is this?
00:54:06It's a candle
00:54:07It's just like the one I have
00:54:09You always like the way it smelled
00:54:10I was being polite
00:54:11This candle's like being beaten with a piece of sandalwood
00:54:15And then smothered to death with magnolias
00:54:17Gardenias
00:54:18Whatever
00:54:19Great
00:54:20So instead of an obscenely large engagement ring
00:54:24And a lifetime of earth-shattering sex
00:54:25I get a candle
00:54:26I'm gonna die alone
00:54:28With an oily T-zone in a pandemic
00:54:31No, no, honey
00:54:36That is not gonna happen, okay?
00:54:37We are not gonna let that happen
00:54:38No, no, no
00:54:40You know that's not true
00:54:41That's just stinking thinking
00:54:43Everybody stop
00:54:44Now you listen to me
00:54:47Of course you're gonna meet someone
00:54:49And he's gonna be more of a man than that jerk Paul ever was
00:54:53Because when you least expect it
00:54:55That's when it happens
00:54:58Trust me
00:55:00Hmm
00:55:01Oh, now I know what'll really cheer you up
00:55:05Cake
00:55:06Yay!
00:55:08Cake
00:55:08Oh, wait
00:55:11Wow
00:55:16Sky's so clear tonight
00:55:20Maybe that's why all this is happening
00:55:23You know, some other nature could take a deep, long breath
00:55:28Without us humans screwing it up like we always do
00:55:31What if
00:55:34COVID is the earth's immune system
00:55:38And we're the virus
00:55:39Hmm?
00:55:41Whoa
00:55:41So how long you think?
00:55:48This could just be how things are forever
00:55:50Well, that would suck
00:55:54I thought you liked lockdown
00:55:56You said it was cozy
00:55:57Yeah, I do
00:55:59I mean, it is
00:55:59And don't get me wrong
00:56:01I'm grateful
00:56:01I've got
00:56:02Food and Wi-Fi
00:56:04And a roof
00:56:05Over my head
00:56:06It's just, you know
00:56:10I wanna have
00:56:11A little more
00:56:12And
00:56:13And I am officially too drunk to be having this conversation
00:56:20What conversation?
00:56:25This conversation
00:56:26Yes
00:56:30I know
00:56:31It's just, you are like
00:56:34The coolest girl I've ever met
00:56:37You know
00:56:37You're funny
00:56:39And you're
00:56:39You're sexy
00:56:40And
00:56:41You know, I think about my ex-girlfriend
00:56:44And
00:56:45She used to line me up against this checklist
00:56:47And that just got in the way of both of us being who we are
00:56:52You made it clear from the very beginning that
00:56:55You know, you liked who I was
00:56:57Who I really was
00:56:59And that's awesome
00:57:02If I'd have met you in real life
00:57:06I
00:57:06Probably wouldn't have given you a chance
00:57:09And
00:57:10I would have missed out on a really great guy
00:57:14And I'm sorry for that
00:57:17Apology unnecessary
00:57:21And accepted
00:57:23I mean, plus
00:57:26You've got
00:57:27A beautiful home
00:57:28Which obviously cost you a fortune, so
00:57:31What if I didn't have this home?
00:57:37And I was a
00:57:38Struggling writer or something
00:57:40Would it matter?
00:57:43The truth?
00:57:46Of course
00:57:47You know
00:57:48I mean
00:57:49You know how in movies
00:57:51A girl's always thrilled to get an engagement ring out of a vending machine?
00:57:56Well
00:57:56In real life
00:57:58She would be horrified
00:58:00So it's not the thought that counts?
00:58:05I mean, it is
00:58:06But
00:58:07Not in real life
00:58:09You could have, like, three heads
00:58:13And I would still be in la-ike
00:58:16With you
00:58:18I la-ike
00:58:25You too
00:58:27I think about holding your hand
00:58:31I mean, you know
00:58:33No gloves
00:58:34Or anything
00:58:35Just
00:58:35Your warm hand
00:58:36Against mine
00:58:37As we walk
00:58:39And
00:58:39Talk
00:58:40Okay, full disclosure
00:58:44I'm thinking about more than holding your hand
00:58:46Oh, really?
00:58:50Yeah
00:58:51Well, then
00:58:54Why don't we take this conversation somewhere a little more
00:58:59Comfortable?
00:59:01Really?
00:59:03Very really
00:59:04It feels so good
00:59:10Oh, great
00:59:13Don't stop
00:59:14Wait
00:59:16What happened?
00:59:22Did you get disconnected?
00:59:24Oh, my God
00:59:25I was so close
00:59:26Excuse me?
00:59:29So close to what?
00:59:30I'm guessing it isn't Jesus
00:59:32What are you doing here?
00:59:38Hi, Brandon
00:59:39What you up to?
00:59:42Uh, just, you know
00:59:43Hanging out
00:59:44Yeah, literally
00:59:47Miles
00:59:47What?
00:59:48I can't see anything
00:59:49I was just kidding
00:59:49I guarantee
00:59:50He really tried
00:59:52Are you two snacking
00:59:55While you're watching us have sex?
00:59:57Oh, my God
00:59:58Brandon, I'm so sorry about this
01:00:00Well, I've always wanted to force him
01:00:01Pretty sure this counts
01:00:02Oh, my God
01:00:04Goodbye
01:00:05What?
01:00:11Oh
01:00:11Could that have been any unsexier?
01:00:15Well, I can always loop in my Nana
01:00:17I'm so sorry, Brandon
01:00:20I can't even believe that
01:00:22Please, you do not have to apologize to me, Vanessa
01:00:25So, I mean, we were close, shall we, you know
01:00:34No, yeah
01:00:37I mean, look, this was great
01:00:40Really great
01:00:41Really hot
01:00:42Uh, but it wasn't real
01:00:46You know
01:00:47And
01:00:48I want the first time with you to be real
01:00:51I can wait for that
01:00:53Okay
01:00:57Me too
01:00:59Of course, this goes on for more than a year
01:01:02We'll circle back
01:01:03Obviously
01:01:05Well, what if we had a sleepover?
01:01:09Oh, that sounds dangerous
01:01:11No, no, no
01:01:12Not like a real one
01:01:13Just
01:01:14Like this
01:01:15You can keep the computers on at night
01:01:16Oh
01:01:18Yeah
01:01:19Good night, Brandon
01:01:30I
01:01:33I
01:01:33Like you
01:01:35I
01:01:38Like you too
01:01:40There's my little piece
01:02:10Oh, Bobby loves you so much
01:02:12Let's go
01:02:14Mix of breakfast
01:02:15Come
01:02:17Oh
01:02:18Come, I love you
01:02:21A little more
01:02:21Come
01:02:22Come
01:02:24Come
01:02:25Come
01:02:26Come
01:02:27Come
01:02:28Come
01:02:29Come
01:02:30Come
01:02:31Come
01:02:32Come
01:02:33Come
01:02:34Come
01:02:35Come
01:02:36Come
01:02:37Come
01:02:38Come
01:02:39Come
01:02:39Come
01:02:39Come
01:02:40Come
01:02:40So
01:02:49What's on the agenda today
01:02:51I gotta go to work
01:02:54Oh
01:02:56Are you okay?
01:03:00Did I do something?
01:03:02Is it my breath?
01:03:06I saw her, Brandon
01:03:07Her who?
01:03:10The gorgeous woman that you obviously live with
01:03:13You should be who you share Steve with
01:03:16Oh, no, no, no, no
01:03:18No, I don't live with her
01:03:19Live with?
01:03:20Sleep with?
01:03:20It doesn't matter
01:03:21It doesn't matter
01:03:21It doesn't matter what you want to call it
01:03:22It doesn't matter what you want to call it
01:03:22She obviously has keys to your place
01:03:25Yeah, well, yes, she has a key
01:03:27Because it's her
01:03:28Look, it's complicated
01:03:30It doesn't seem very complicated to me
01:03:34I'm glad we cleared it up
01:03:36Can you guys help me?
01:03:40I'm looking for a part that's mostly red
01:03:43But the little outie part has white on it
01:03:46And the innie part is mostly hair
01:03:49What are you doing over there?
01:03:54Oh, Donna, seriously?
01:03:58Well, what do you call the little innie parts and the sticky outie parts?
01:04:03I don't
01:04:04Because puzzles are for the children and the elderly
01:04:07If I wanted to lose something for a couple hours
01:04:09I would just put my tablet pen down for a second, thanks
01:04:12They're called tabs and slots
01:04:15Pieces of a puzzle
01:04:18I had to do a blog post on them a while ago
01:04:21Oh, was it for Oh My God, Nobody Cares magazine?
01:04:25We're out of our pack
01:04:26I said use llama
01:04:28You're kidding me, right?
01:04:30Peyton, this is my CEO time
01:04:33I am not to be bothered
01:04:34You okay, Peyton?
01:04:42Okay
01:04:42What if you'd never tried mushrooms?
01:04:46Because you just knew that you wouldn't like them
01:04:48So you spend your entire adult life
01:04:51Making sure people know you don't want mushrooms
01:04:53Even going so far as to lie about being allergic to mushrooms
01:04:56So you don't have to deal with people telling you
01:04:58Oh, just try them, they're delicious
01:04:59Because you know, deep down
01:05:01That you'll never, ever like mushrooms
01:05:04But then one day
01:05:06Someone comes along
01:05:07And offers you a million dollars
01:05:09If you eat a mushroom
01:05:10So, you do it
01:05:12And it's actually really good
01:05:14And then
01:05:15They tell you they aren't going to give you a penny
01:05:17They just didn't want you to go the rest of your life
01:05:19Without ever giving mushrooms a chance
01:05:21What do you do?
01:05:24I mean, sure
01:05:24You like mushrooms now
01:05:26But you never would have eaten them
01:05:27If they hadn't lied to you about the money
01:05:29So now
01:05:30You try another mushroom
01:05:31And it tastes terrible
01:05:32I'm so confused
01:05:35Um, is this about global warming?
01:05:38Is Earth a mushroom?
01:05:40No
01:05:40Corona is the mushroom
01:05:42Hey
01:05:43Uh, Brandon's on
01:05:44No, no
01:05:45Wait, wait, wait, wait
01:05:45Where are you?
01:05:49Why is there a bunk bed?
01:05:51Um, because this is my place
01:05:53I mean, my real place
01:05:56What are you talking about?
01:05:58Remember when I asked you how you'd feel if I was a struggling writer?
01:06:02Well, ta-da!
01:06:04So
01:06:08You broke into someone's mansion
01:06:10And pretended it was yours?
01:06:12No
01:06:12I didn't break into anyone's mansion
01:06:14I
01:06:14Look, I
01:06:16Make money by walking dogs for people
01:06:19And one of my clients was stuck overseas because of Corona
01:06:22So I was watching her house
01:06:24And Steve's sitting
01:06:25Now that's the lady
01:06:27That you saw
01:06:28She got back this morning
01:06:29Uh
01:06:30And this
01:06:31This is my fancy gourmet kitchen
01:06:36And I'm actually a pretty good cook
01:06:38I didn't lie about that
01:06:39In fact, my roommates say I make the best croque monsieur they've ever had
01:06:43Roommates?
01:06:46Yes, I have roommates
01:06:47Uh, but the room is all mine
01:06:49Plus, I have the top and bottom, uh, bunk
01:06:53So, you know, that's fancy
01:06:54Look
01:07:01I never set out to lie to you, Vanessa
01:07:03I-I just
01:07:04Didn't correct you
01:07:06When you thought the house was mine
01:07:07You did a hell of a lot more than just not correct me
01:07:10What else are you lying about, Brandon?
01:07:13Okay, my name's
01:07:14Not Brandon
01:07:15It's Daniel
01:07:17Brandon
01:07:18Donaldson
01:07:19So let me get this straight
01:07:21You made a fake profile
01:07:24You made a fake profile
01:07:24The fake name
01:07:25And old pictures of yourself
01:07:27And then you pretended you had a real job at a mansion?
01:07:31Why?
01:07:33You know why
01:07:34No
01:07:34Actually, I don't
01:07:36Because we both know that a guy like me without money
01:07:39May as well not even exist
01:07:41Okay?
01:07:42Because in this world
01:07:43It's the successful people who make the rules
01:07:46You know, I really don't think you should be lecturing anyone on ethics right now, okay?
01:07:50You're the bad guy here
01:07:51I'm not the bad guy
01:07:52I'm the same guy I was yesterday who you were laughing with
01:07:56Okay?
01:07:57That guy is real
01:07:59This
01:07:59This stuff
01:08:00That's fake
01:08:02I'm a good guy
01:08:06Just not good enough for you
01:08:10You okay, V?
01:08:19Yeah, I'll be fine
01:08:20You sure?
01:08:23Because I wouldn't want you to feel like the worst person in the world
01:08:26That'd be rough
01:08:28Excuse me?
01:08:29You just evaporated the heart of a great guy
01:08:33Over some superficial garbage that doesn't matter
01:08:36Donna, he lied to me
01:08:38Stop acting like that's what this is about
01:08:41Okay, fine
01:08:44I need to be with someone successful
01:08:47And powerful
01:08:48You know, I'm never gonna fall in love with Brandon
01:08:51Or Daniel, whatever the hell his name is
01:08:52You're already in love with him
01:08:54I've known you since we were 12
01:08:55I've seen every single relationship you've been in
01:08:58And I've never seen you anywhere close to this happy before
01:09:00Yeah
01:09:01Yeah, my mom and dad were real happy too
01:09:03Until she finally figured out what a loser he was
01:09:05And he was living off of her for 18 years
01:09:07Okay, so this guy has to suffer just in case he turns out to be like your loser dad
01:09:12Solid plan
01:09:13So
01:09:13What do you want me to do?
01:09:15You want me to
01:09:15String him along until I can't take it anymore
01:09:18And then break up with him?
01:09:19Hell
01:09:19This was the decent thing to do, okay?
01:09:21I'm protecting him
01:09:22Oh, no
01:09:23See, the decent thing to do is to not be such a shallow jerk
01:09:26But hey
01:09:27You do you
01:09:28Miles
01:09:31Miles, come on
01:09:32You know how hard I've worked
01:09:35To finally like myself on the inside and the outside?
01:09:39I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:09:41And
01:09:42I deserve someone who's successful in every way
01:09:46Now, I'm not gonna wind up with some loser like my mom
01:09:49Truth is
01:09:50You can have any guy you want
01:09:53So
01:09:54If you want a hot guy with money
01:09:56Just go after that
01:09:58You've done it a thousand times before
01:10:02I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:04I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:05I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:06I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:07I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:08I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:09I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:10I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:11I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:12I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:13I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:14I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:15I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:16I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:17I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:18I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:19I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:20I've worked my ass off to become this person
01:10:21oh hey namaste
01:10:38so what do you think
01:10:40you like what you see
01:10:42oh wow is that a stripper bowl
01:10:45this
01:10:46woo
01:10:49yeah yeah
01:10:52this baby's top of the line
01:10:54only the best for my guests
01:10:57didn't even realize there were different kinds
01:11:00yeah
01:11:01it's cool right
01:11:02was that a dog
01:11:05what oh
01:11:07no brah
01:11:11this is uh
01:11:13bruno cuccinelli cashmere
01:11:15nah man
01:11:18I hate dogs
01:11:19especially the little yappy ones
01:11:21gotta love to kick a dollar one day
01:11:23oh yeah I love cooking
01:11:26but med school keeps me so busy
01:11:28that I hardly have time for it anymore
01:11:29oh yeah of course
01:11:31it's so strange though
01:11:34I swear I recognize your voice
01:11:36maybe in your dreams
01:11:39no that's not it
01:11:41wait a minute
01:11:44are you my delivery guy
01:11:46wait
01:11:48are you
01:11:49Vanessa McConnell
01:11:52yes
01:11:53oh my gosh
01:11:55I knew I recognized your voice
01:11:57but
01:11:57I just
01:11:58I've never seen you without the mask
01:12:00well this
01:12:00is an insane coincidence
01:12:02I am not your drunk mule
01:12:05oh
01:12:06hey there stranger
01:12:19glad to see you're alive
01:12:21yeah
01:12:22you too
01:12:22you know I never got to thank you for that night
01:12:25it was fun
01:12:27yeah
01:12:28it sure was
01:12:30maybe we should uh
01:12:33have some fun again
01:12:35right now
01:12:37oh yeah
01:12:38why not
01:12:40I'm just uh
01:12:41lying here
01:12:42what are you uh
01:12:46what are you wearing
01:12:47uh
01:12:49just this shirt
01:12:51come on babe
01:12:52what else are you wearing
01:12:52show me
01:12:53um
01:12:54you know I'm actually
01:12:57just wearing some old sweatpants
01:12:58thought this was gonna be more of a waist up kind of call
01:13:01oh
01:13:03okay well I'm feeling a little underdressed at the moment
01:13:06since uh
01:13:07I'm just in my underwear
01:13:09yep
01:13:09there they are
01:13:11yeah
01:13:11um
01:13:11if only for you touch
01:13:37did your tongue just say no
01:13:39Grazie a tutti
01:14:09Grazie a tutti
01:14:39Grazie a tutti
01:15:09Grazie a tutti
01:15:39Grazie a tutti
01:16:09Grazie a tutti
01:16:39Grazie a tutti
01:17:09Grazie a tutti
01:17:39Grazie a tutti
01:18:09Grazie a tutti
01:18:39Grazie a tutti
01:19:09Grazie a tutti
01:19:39Grazie a tutti
01:20:09Grazie a tutti
01:20:39Grazie a tutti
01:21:09Grazie a tutti
01:21:39Grazie a tutti
01:22:09Grazie a tutti
01:22:39Grazie a tutti
01:23:09Grazie a tutti
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