The Trouble with Evan

TV Hub

Surveillance cameras record one family's difficulties in trying to reform their 11-year-old son's criminal behavior.

Transcript

00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords

00:00:30The place is Hamilton, Ontario, but it could be any place.

00:00:34The boy's name is Evan, but we've all known someone a lot like him.

00:00:38When he was four, Evan was classified as conduct disordered,

00:00:42a holy terror for his teachers and his parents.

00:00:46Dear Karen, just a short note to let you know that Evan did not receive a stamp today

00:00:50as he had some difficulties this morning.

00:00:53Evan portrayed quite an aggressive behavior at our snack table

00:00:56and eventually had to be removed.

00:00:58As I allowed Evan to go outside, Evan gouged his fingernails into the back of a young boy

00:01:03leaving a long mark in his skin.

00:01:05There was no apparent reason for Evan's actions.

00:01:08Evan grabbed a classmate by the neck in a headlock

00:01:10and left fingernail marks embedded in the back of the boy's neck.

00:01:14Evan is a very confused, unhappy boy who does not appear to be in control of his behavior at this time.

00:01:19We are hoping that you will be able to set up an interview time next week to discuss Evan's behavior.

00:01:23We are having some difficulty with Evan following directions and the interactions with his classmates.

00:01:30He is 11, in grade 6, has above-average intelligence and above-average talent for getting into mischief.

00:01:37Evan's behavior, foreshadowings of serious problems.

00:01:41He's shoplifted.

00:01:42I'd maybe say for three years we've been aware of it.

00:01:48The latest incident has been Evan has started smoking.

00:01:52And that was brought to our attention by his school.

00:01:54He was suspended the last day of school before Christmas.

00:02:00He was caught smoking on the playground at school.

00:02:03Evan's mother, Karen, works as a receptionist.

00:02:12Evan has a sister, Kimberly, who is seven.

00:02:15Kimberly is hearing impaired.

00:02:16Great job.

00:02:18It's about time we got to this, eh?

00:02:22His stepfather, Mike, is a welder.

00:02:25He grew up on a farm doing a man's work when he was Evan's age.

00:02:29His father died when he was only 14.

00:02:34Screws.

00:02:35You got that?

00:02:36One.

00:02:37Do you pick it up?

00:02:40Where?

00:02:40No.

00:02:41Oh, there they are, I think.

00:02:43Between them, there is an ominous generation gap,

00:02:46and it's growing wider because of Mike's frustration with Evan's behavior.

00:02:52What's the worst thing that ever happened to you?

00:02:54I can't think of it because there's, like, such a big list of bad things.

00:02:58Like, I can't remember all of them.

00:03:01Well, take me down the list a little bit.

00:03:04Remember once I got caught playing, like,

00:03:08I set a little bonfire in the washroom at my old school.

00:03:12Evan is often in trouble for playing with matches.

00:03:15Once on a family holiday, he almost started a forest fire.

00:03:20Myself and my brother-in-law happened to turn around,

00:03:22and we seen all these flames and smoke, and I went,

00:03:25he said, the bush is on fire.

00:03:27So we ran over, and this one tree was just going pretty good,

00:03:32so we had to go and run and get pails of water to put it out.

00:03:36When we asked him, he just said,

00:03:38well, I just wanted to see if it would burn.

00:03:40He's to the age where he thinks that he can do whatever he wants.

00:03:46He doesn't have to listen to rules.

00:03:48He doesn't have to follow instruction.

00:03:49He does what he pleases, and he knows there's going to be consequences,

00:03:53but it doesn't matter.

00:03:54In positive parenting, we are searching for the reason that things happen.

00:04:06Eventually, Mike and Karen enrolled in a parenting class run by Barbara Burrows,

00:04:11looking for insights to relieve the psychological pressures that were building in their home.

00:04:15I'm sure I don't need to convince you as a group of parents

00:04:18that sometimes in your relationships with your kids,

00:04:21you find yourself reacting with emotions that you just can't imagine where they've come from.

00:04:27Evan soon became the focus of the group.

00:04:29He's smoking. He's pretty normal.

00:04:32She yells up to me, come upstairs.

00:04:35I go upstairs, there's a package of Eddie matches in the heat register.

00:04:39That he's hiding.

00:04:42That he's hiding.

00:04:44So, like, my anger is now gone.

00:04:48I can't...

00:04:49No, he was not the...

00:04:50You mean under control enough that you...

00:04:52No, like, I have...

00:04:54When I lose it, I lose it real bad for a while,

00:04:58and then when I gain composure,

00:04:59okay, now I can sit down and we can talk about this because I'm not mad anymore.

00:05:03But, hold on one second, sir, I didn't interrupt you.

00:05:05But while he's, for that hour, like, ranting, raving,

00:05:08all kinds of things are coming out of his mouth.

00:05:11They're swearing, they're screaming.

00:05:13Like, it's totally...

00:05:14My daughter cries, I cry, the dog cries, you know?

00:05:18Like, every...

00:05:19You know, everybody is just...

00:05:21Is on edge.

00:05:22Because...

00:05:23And there's so many negative things that are said because we...

00:05:26Being said.

00:05:26It's just...

00:05:27And you can't take those back, you know?

00:05:29Because...

00:05:29That's probably making a situation worse.

00:05:31Worse, of course it is.

00:05:32We know that.

00:05:33But there's no...

00:05:34But there's no choice.

00:05:35Like most people, Mike and Karen are parents by instinct.

00:05:40The parenting class reveals that maybe some of the instincts are wrong.

00:05:45Karen is hopeful.

00:05:46I don't know.

00:05:47I feel good about this course.

00:05:49I'm just so thankful that we are in it.

00:05:51I really am.

00:05:53In the weeks to come, they will be seeking clues to Evan's behavior

00:05:56in dark corners of their own memories.

00:05:59Well, it can't hurt.

00:06:01That's for sure.

00:06:02This surveillance camera is part of a monitoring system

00:06:09they allowed us to install in their home

00:06:11to witness the struggle.

00:06:13I want this for 1.5.

00:06:17For almost three months,

00:06:18our cameras, activated by motion sensors,

00:06:21recorded some of the most intimate moments

00:06:23of a family conflict.

00:06:25Scenes the family hopes will help explain

00:06:28the trouble with Evan.

00:06:29We'll adjust it, more or less.

00:06:33That's what you're going to be dealing with right here.

00:06:35Yeah.

00:06:36Be able to encompass the entire table area.

00:06:38Right.

00:06:39Yeah.

00:06:39That sounded good.

00:06:43We provided Evan with a camera of his own

00:06:46to record events from his viewpoint.

00:06:48The main thing is to be as steady as you can.

00:06:51Producer Neil Doherty showed him how to use it,

00:06:54encouraging him to make a video record of his observations.

00:06:57So I think you've got it.

00:06:59Should I switch it off?

00:07:01Okay.

00:07:02I'll do it.

00:07:02You do it on the remote.

00:07:04Hey, well done.

00:07:05He knows how to use it now?

00:07:07Yeah.

00:07:08Yeah, it's like all these things are crazy.

00:07:10You're liable to get about 10 hours of tape with this,

00:07:13you know, bring me another tape.

00:07:14On the first day of taping, Evan is in trouble.

00:07:19I just got things to tell you.

00:07:23Kimberly, let Daddy sit down, please.

00:07:25A camera in the den caught this scene.

00:07:28For the second time in less than a month, Evan has been suspended from school.

00:07:34Because both parents have jobs, they now have a child care problem,

00:07:38and all because of a senseless practical joke during art class.

00:07:42Evan tries to explain why he sabotaged a teacher's coffee cup.

00:07:47In the teacher's coffee mug, I put paint.

00:07:51In art class, while the teacher was out or turned her back or something,

00:07:54she had a cup of coffee there.

00:07:55He puts two or three different kinds of paint in her coffee,

00:07:59some clay, hoping that she would drink it as a joke.

00:08:03I'm just so upset.

00:08:07Oh.

00:08:09Do you like doing this to your parents?

00:08:13Then how many other kids in school go around putting paint in a teacher's coffee cup?

00:08:21Ask him. Start with a question.

00:08:22Ask him the same question you did.

00:08:24Except don't allow him to say the reason was, because there's no reason.

00:08:30What would happen to you if you put paint in my coffee?

00:08:33There'd be a whole lot of shit flying around, wouldn't there?

00:08:43Hello?

00:08:47Give me a quick snapshot of Evan, as you know him.

00:08:52Who is this fella?

00:08:54It's an 11-year-old.

00:08:56He's an 11-year-old boy that...

00:08:58He's pretty smart and can be good when he tries really hard,

00:09:08but most of the time chooses bad choices.

00:09:11And does he know why he chooses bad choices?

00:09:17Nope.

00:09:18He doesn't know why.

00:09:22One minute I'm being good, and the next minute I do something bad,

00:09:26and I didn't even realize I did it.

00:09:30I don't even know whether it'll take it.

00:09:32Just before bedtime, January 27th,

00:09:35Karen discovers that a check belonging to Mike has gone through the wash.

00:09:41It was obviously in someone's pocket.

00:09:44But whose?

00:09:45I checked your pants, and I just found, like, new flush from being new jeans.

00:09:50She checks Mike's trousers...

00:09:51And in his pocket.

00:09:53...and Evan's.

00:09:55Little white pieces.

00:09:56They conclude by analyzing Lint that Evan is the culprit.

00:10:00I'm out of somebody's clothes, and he's the only one that's got evidence.

00:10:05Evan, come down here, please.

00:10:07Told you.

00:10:08Did I not say?

00:10:09Somebody's taken it and, like, trying to drive me fucking crazy.

00:10:14What was that doing in your pocket?

00:10:21Someone wants to put it there, because I didn't.

00:10:23I didn't put it there.

00:10:25I didn't.

00:10:29There was nothing else in the wash.

00:10:32Nobody else's jeans had any evidence in it.

00:10:36Dude, I didn't do it, so I don't know what's going on here.

00:10:39I don't know what's going on here either.

00:10:41Like, you give me an idea what you think has happened.

00:10:46I think I tried to set me up, because I didn't feel it.

00:10:49I can't believe that.

00:10:50Like...

00:10:50I cannot put it down, because I cannot believe that somebody in this family is trying to set

00:11:00you up.

00:11:00This family is so distraught, we are going through such turmoil, that I cannot believe

00:11:10for a minute that somebody would set you up to cause more problems.

00:11:18Not only that, but this whole family is going to be in an uproar because of the wrong choice

00:11:24that you made to be in trouble.

00:11:26For several months, the family have been consulting social worker David Jewell, who sees an alarming

00:11:37pattern in Evan's behavior.

00:11:39The prognosis is not good.

00:11:40I think for Evan, he could start acting out more, as we've already heard, and perhaps

00:11:45start running away, perhaps getting into alcohol and drugs and misusing that, perhaps truancy

00:11:50at school, perhaps more aggression.

00:11:52I see him either being a teenager out on the streets, coping whatever way he can, selling drugs, maintaining

00:12:02that way, or being caught dealing drugs, or doing drugs, or stealing, or whatever, and put

00:12:13into a boy's facility.

00:12:15In their darkest moments, Mike and Karen fear Evan will end up in a place like this.

00:12:23Okay, guys, time to get up, get out of bed.

00:12:25Come on, guys, let's go, guys, it's time to get out of bed.

00:12:29An institution for young offenders.

00:12:31This correction center is in Elora, Ontario.

00:12:35Can I walk through here?

00:12:36Yes.

00:12:37A project called Cortage, where they emphasize rehabilitation.

00:12:42It'll be perfect.

00:12:43All the beds and all the cubes are tight.

00:12:45They're standing on the threshold of the adult system.

00:12:48Let's go!

00:12:50The dead zone of jails and penitentiaries.

00:12:53So you're telling him, don't preach to us when you don't practice, right?

00:12:59Portage is famous for an innovative therapy program directed by counselors like Pierre Robert.

00:13:06Is that a way to teach him?

00:13:08So what should you have done?

00:13:10He was a heroin addict for 12 years until Portage saved him from the street.

00:13:16Like Pierre Robert, most of these people are here because of failures that started long before they got in trouble with the law,

00:13:24when they were small children.

00:13:25So who's got a teaching?

00:13:27We followed a group of Portage residents through a four-week parenting class,

00:13:36an instructional course which inevitably brought back deep and disturbing memories of childhood violence, both verbal and physical.

00:13:44For legal reasons, we must conceal the faces of the young offenders.

00:13:50I can remember a time when I took a popsicle after supper without asking.

00:13:57And I was downstairs in my room and he come down there and he caught me eating it and he beat me with a hockey stick just for taking a popsicle without asking.

00:14:08It's impossible for me not to love her because she's my mom.

00:14:11I'll be honest with you, I'm still scared of her.

00:14:15You know, you have a bad day going to kick your dog while my dad would come over and beat me, smack me around for anything, you know.

00:14:22I'd have to do, like, just anything minor.

00:14:25When I was about nine years old, I had a calloused ass because my stepfather had a big, fat leather belt and a calloused ass.

00:14:34And I just stood there and took it.

00:14:38I closed my mind off from everything.

00:14:41I calloused my mind.

00:14:43Two are over 18, so don't need masks.

00:14:47Jennifer, a drug abuser, several attempts at suicide.

00:14:51I was eating my cereals and she had cigarettes and I was playing with them.

00:14:55And she put tobacco in my cereals and I had to eat them.

00:14:58Brad is older than the others, his life chaotic from alcoholism and drug addiction.

00:15:07I always felt very small with them and I always felt, I was always afraid.

00:15:13Fear was a big thing.

00:15:15Very high percentage of people that were physically abused go on to physically abuse their own families.

00:15:21But one of the interesting statistics...

00:15:24Teacher, Ron Kanar, found familiar themes in memories of childhood.

00:15:29The most common conflict with parents, often stepfathers.

00:15:33That's the control you really have.

00:15:34I don't know who my real father is.

00:15:35I wish I would have known who he was and I wish he would have stuck around.

00:15:40How many stepdads have you had since that approximately?

00:15:43Six. Five or six.

00:15:45Five or six.

00:15:46In the Portage group, there was a consistent sadness running through recollections of their parents.

00:15:51It's weird because I love the guy.

00:15:58I really do.

00:16:00Stick up for him any day of the week.

00:16:03I mean, somebody's putting him down.

00:16:07Because he has done a lot for me.

00:16:09He always had a roof over my head.

00:16:11I always had food in my stomach and a worm bed to sleep in.

00:16:18But the rest of it was never there.

00:16:19The rest of what?

00:16:24Just, uh...

00:16:25Being a family.

00:16:28Of, uh...

00:16:30Of love and care.

00:16:33It's like he can't...

00:16:34He couldn't show it.

00:16:36It was not, uh...

00:16:38Man enough.

00:16:39It wasn't being a man if you did that.

00:16:46And it rubs off.

00:16:49I always swore to my mother I'd never be like him.

00:16:56And I turned out even worse.

00:16:58The stories of the Portage group revealed a clear link between childhood pain and the violence later on in life.

00:17:10I've been drinking since I was, uh...

00:17:12Roughly 11 years old and drugged since I was 13.

00:17:15So you're looking...

00:17:17Let's say on the verge of 16, 17 years.

00:17:20I was doing armed robberies.

00:17:24I was, uh...

00:17:24Hooked on crack cocaine.

00:17:27Um...

00:17:28A friend of mine...

00:17:29Who had been dealing with me was killed.

00:17:32Basically, I've been eating out since I was 12.

00:17:35As long as I've been on the streets is three months.

00:17:37Most of the problems that we see with our adolescents can, in one way or another, be traced back to a failure in the system of parenting.

00:17:57What should a parent look for in their own child that might indicate that that kid is heading for a place like a Laura?

00:18:06When rebelliousness is no longer a seeking for an identity, but rather a destructive and denigrating type of event, the young person is headed for trouble.

00:18:19When drugs replace other types of pleasures for the young person.

00:18:24When theft replaces the value of work for money.

00:18:29When a young person becomes very aggressive on a constant basis, the parent has ample warning that something is going wrong.

00:18:39Why do you push and shove other kids?

00:18:42Here are the signs of trouble brewing in Evan's life.

00:18:46Bullying.

00:18:47Does anybody push and shove you around here?

00:18:49What are the tensions for?

00:18:51But you ain't got to help.

00:18:53Small rebellions.

00:18:55I don't...

00:18:56Is there anybody home?

00:18:58Here's one ear and here's another ear.

00:19:01There is a brain in here.

00:19:03Is there not?

00:19:04He told us, yes, he had taken two bottles of beer.

00:19:08He has started stealing and drinking beer and taking money from Kimberly.

00:19:14She counts on her allowance to buy things.

00:19:17And here you are, 11 years old, that gets a bigger allowance from her, stealing hers.

00:19:23Karen sometimes thinks Evan is angry because he never knew his biological father.

00:19:28His biological father is not in the picture.

00:19:30And what I think, he's always known that right from the beginning.

00:19:35And he would get into some moods where he would ask a lot of questions and a lot of answers.

00:19:42And then it would go silent for a while, like years.

00:19:46Then it would come back to our attention.

00:19:47And I kind of think that that's played on his mind a lot.

00:19:50You know, why, why, why?

00:19:53It is a question that occurs repeatedly among young offenders.

00:19:58As part of the therapy at Portage, the young offenders are encouraged to raise difficult issues at home during special visits.

00:20:05Then they report back to the group.

00:20:08So we're going to do a request feedback.

00:20:11At this session, there will be feedback from one such visit and a traumatic disclosure.

00:20:16My grandparents said, well, we'll come out and visit you since you're the only one home right now.

00:20:20Chris recounts a conversation with his grandparents in which they explored the possible origins of the behavior that has had him in trouble with the law since he was a child.

00:20:29And then we got to talking about locating my real dad.

00:20:36And I found out that for the last 15 years, my dad's lived no more than 45 minutes away from me.

00:20:43My real dad.

00:20:44I've never met him in my life and everything.

00:20:48And I started crying and stuff, you know, because I've tried to talk to my parents about this before.

00:20:54They support me in finding him, but they never tell me where he lived, you know.

00:20:58And that hurt me again because I feel they were leaving some information that, once again, because this is what caused me to sort of rebel against him in the first place.

00:21:11I found out that the dad who I'd lived with for the last 17 years wasn't really my biological father.

00:21:18When I found this out, that's when I started drinking and going out with my friends all the time.

00:21:23And it just led up more and more on that.

00:21:25And they were saying that they really regret this because they feel that none of this would have happened to me if they would have raised me and stuff, you know.

00:21:38Sounds like your grandparents really love you.

00:21:40They do.

00:21:42That's good.

00:21:42The stories of these young offenders are of childhood pain transformed in later life to violence against others, according to director Peter Vamos.

00:21:51Frustration and feeling of incompetence and impotence are very strong motivators for someone to lash out.

00:22:01And an inability to deal with feelings and an inability to express feeling in any other way are all primary roots of violence.

00:22:10And, again, all these things can be traced back to a failure in parenting.

00:22:18January 28th, Karen tells Mike someone has unplugged the freezer.

00:22:24How come?

00:22:25I don't know.

00:22:26Evan becomes an immediate suspect.

00:22:29Evan admitted that he might have unplugged it.

00:22:31Get the fuck out of the way for me.

00:22:33Oh, fuck you, Michael.

00:22:34Why don't you just go back out?

00:22:36Because I don't need this shit.

00:22:40You don't need this shit?

00:22:42You know how much meat was in that freezer?

00:22:44It's not all ruined.

00:22:46Luckily, only five or six packages thawed.

00:22:50It's not one thing.

00:22:52It's a fucking other.

00:22:53What the fuck are you doing with that watch on?

00:22:56Get the fucking thing off.

00:22:58I have had it with you.

00:23:04Play your games with somebody else.

00:23:10What game are you talking about now?

00:23:14I want you to call up Silvio and his brother and see if he unplugged it.

00:23:19Nobody unplugged it.

00:23:21It was plugged when we left.

00:23:23Sammy!

00:23:24Sammy!

00:23:24Then I didn't do it.

00:23:25You're talking about all kinds of things.

00:23:26Sammy!

00:23:27You're here after him.

00:23:28Sammy!

00:23:29It was plugged then?

00:23:31I might have pulled it when I was moving stuff.

00:23:33Mike has just tried to cash the check that went through the wash.

00:23:37He has not been successful.

00:23:39And that fucking check's no good.

00:23:42Like, I'm just fucking sick and tired of your games, Evan.

00:23:47Like, I go running around all over the city for fucking shit.

00:23:52Because of fucking games that you play.

00:23:56Fucking tired of it.

00:23:58Like, I'm mad at myself right now for losing it.

00:24:06But, like, God, you go to the bank and the...

00:24:09You know, like, I've been from one end of the city to the other.

00:24:11Oh, yeah, fine, sir.

00:24:13No problem.

00:24:14We'll accept that check.

00:24:15Here, come see the check.

00:24:16My box is just...

00:24:17Like, I'm just fed up.

00:24:20And this one, you know, like, he just...

00:24:22Oh, I'd like to lock you up in a cage

00:24:26and let everybody look at you like you're an animal.

00:24:32Who are you, anyways?

00:24:33Don't even know you.

00:24:34Get away from me.

00:24:37My name's Mike, though.

00:24:38Get away from me, man.

00:24:39In Portage, they refer to bad childhood memories

00:24:43as baggage from the past.

00:24:45Here, represented by two chairs.

00:24:47What's wrong with you, man?

00:24:48I'm just trying to be friendly.

00:24:49Look, I don't know you from a hole in the ground

00:24:52and I don't want to know you.

00:24:53Brad and Mike act out their belief

00:24:55that such baggage stunts emotional growth.

00:24:58How often would this have been more developed?

00:25:01Okay, he says, this is my baggage.

00:25:03And as soon as he's done saying that,

00:25:05we go to the shadow screen

00:25:06and it depicts something that's happened in his past life,

00:25:11like maybe a scene with his father

00:25:13or, you know, something else that happened in his childhood

00:25:16that there wasn't a very good, a very good, uh...

00:25:19It was a bad memory.

00:25:21Shall I ask you now?

00:25:22This is Brad's bad memory,

00:25:24an echo of the harsh reality in Evan's life.

00:25:27Getting sick and fucking tired with your attitude.

00:25:30If you want to live underneath my roof

00:25:32and you want to have clothes on your back,

00:25:34you'll go by my goddamn rules.

00:25:35So, like, when are you going to look...

00:25:39stop and learn to follow our rules, Evan?

00:25:44I've had it up to here with you!

00:25:46I'm telling you, I'm fed up with this shit.

00:25:49I'm fed up with this bullshit!

00:25:51You play your games,

00:25:52but don't expect us to give you sweet fuck all!

00:25:56This is my house.

00:25:57I've paid for everything in this place

00:25:59and I've paid for your fucking clothes.

00:26:01And if you think I'm talking to the wall,

00:26:03I'm talking to you, B-Bed lardars!

00:26:07Go pack your goddamn bags and get out of my face.

00:26:10I'd never want to see you around here again.

00:26:12Your insubordination is going to get a hook

00:26:15upside the fucking head.

00:26:17I don't like it, the fucking door's there.

00:26:24Broken bones heal.

00:26:26Bruises go away.

00:26:30You might have scars and stitches,

00:26:32but it's not that bad.

00:26:33It's the stuff inside that hurts the most.

00:26:42The mental and verbal abuse that you get

00:26:45from myself

00:26:47is three times harder

00:26:49to accept

00:26:56or to deal with

00:26:58than the physical I wrote was.

00:27:01What does it mean to a kid

00:27:14when some adult shouts,

00:27:16I hate you,

00:27:16I want to kill you?

00:27:17I mean, does the kid

00:27:18sort of accommodate that

00:27:19in the spirit of the moment

00:27:21and say, well, that's just heat?

00:27:23Or does it stick?

00:27:25We think that kids forget.

00:27:26The next morning they're up

00:27:27and they're smiling.

00:27:28They don't forget.

00:27:29And they might remember it

00:27:30when they go to bed.

00:27:31Excuse me, to bed.

00:27:32They might remember it

00:27:33when they're talking to a little buddy.

00:27:35But they remember.

00:27:36And it hurts.

00:27:36It really hurts.

00:27:37Because it crops up among kids

00:27:39that are a lot older than Evan

00:27:40that we've talked to up at Portage.

00:27:43and it just seems to sort of

00:27:46float back to the surface

00:27:48in maturity.

00:27:49I think it really

00:27:50stops their confidence, you know.

00:27:52Their development stopped emotionally.

00:27:54Socially, I think it affects them.

00:27:56And as they mature,

00:27:57I think they're, you know,

00:27:58in some ways they're blocked

00:28:00and maturing properly.

00:28:02And it affects their relationships

00:28:05in the future.

00:28:06In any home,

00:28:09the child's future

00:28:10can be compromised

00:28:11by the parent's past.

00:28:16In Evan's family,

00:28:18superficial images of harmony

00:28:20conceal a troubling history.

00:28:22Old baggage that reappeared

00:28:24while they were packing

00:28:25for a move in early February.

00:28:27The discussion is about dishes.

00:28:29That's right.

00:28:30If anybody's,

00:28:31we're getting rid of your crappy stuff.

00:28:34What are you talking about?

00:28:35Graphy, that,

00:28:36those brown dishes,

00:28:37the whole fucking set is there.

00:28:39I bought those at IGA,

00:28:41piece by piece.

00:28:42Mike and Karen married in 1988,

00:28:44but the marriage

00:28:45subsequently collapsed in divorce,

00:28:47creating wounds

00:28:48which still are not healed.

00:28:50And let me finish my sentence

00:28:51right off the bat.

00:28:53We wouldn't even be standing

00:28:54here or having a fucking fight.

00:28:56That, those are on the wedding

00:28:57session at our house.

00:28:58I'm not kidding,

00:28:58because we're not married.

00:28:59We're not going to be married.

00:29:01We can, Mike,

00:29:02we've got enough.

00:29:02And Karen's own memory

00:29:06is full of bleakness,

00:29:07of her parents' breakup,

00:29:09alienation from her mother,

00:29:11a failed attempt

00:29:11to live with her father,

00:29:13and eventually,

00:29:14a stormy relationship

00:29:15with Mike.

00:29:16We dated for seven years

00:29:18before we got married.

00:29:20And then we got married

00:29:21and everything fell apart.

00:29:22And for the last four years,

00:29:25you know,

00:29:26everything's been pure hell.

00:29:28And now that we're divorced,

00:29:29we're getting along great.

00:29:33So even,

00:29:34even as the children

00:29:35were very young,

00:29:37Michael drank a lot.

00:29:38Michael did a lot of things,

00:29:42you know,

00:29:42and I'm sure I did too,

00:29:45that just,

00:29:47I don't know,

00:29:48didn't make for a happy

00:29:49family setting.

00:29:52Physical abuse

00:29:53entered our lives.

00:29:54A lot of verbal abuse

00:29:56entered our lives.

00:29:59A lot of pretending

00:30:04that things were right

00:30:05when they weren't,

00:30:06you know,

00:30:06for the people

00:30:07that were looking

00:30:08our way.

00:30:10There wasn't,

00:30:10like,

00:30:11a daily thing

00:30:11where he'd slap me

00:30:13or push me,

00:30:14nothing like that.

00:30:14But when,

00:30:15when he got mad,

00:30:17when he got to the point

00:30:18where he couldn't,

00:30:19um,

00:30:20keep it anymore,

00:30:22then,

00:30:22yeah,

00:30:22we were all frightful

00:30:24and so rightly

00:30:24we should have been.

00:30:26Just fucking fed up

00:30:27with this shit.

00:30:28I'm gonna kill him soon.

00:30:31You're fucking living

00:30:32on borrowed time,

00:30:33bud,

00:30:33I'm telling you.

00:30:35Mike has spent time

00:30:37in jail

00:30:37for assaulting Karen.

00:30:39You better fucking

00:30:40dummy up

00:30:41and soon.

00:30:43While on probation,

00:30:44in 1990,

00:30:45he, um,

00:30:46threatened me,

00:30:48like,

00:30:49while that year

00:30:49probation was still

00:30:50intact,

00:30:51he took a knife

00:30:52and held it to my throat

00:30:53and threatened

00:30:53to slit my throat

00:30:54for not talking to him.

00:30:57Karen eventually

00:30:58took the children

00:30:59and fled.

00:31:00After resettling,

00:31:02she left Kimberly

00:31:02and Evan

00:31:03with her sister

00:31:04and took a holiday

00:31:04in Mexico.

00:31:06While she was away,

00:31:07Mike went to court

00:31:08and accused her

00:31:09of desertion.

00:31:10The court handed

00:31:11the children over to him.

00:31:12He got the interim

00:31:14order for custody

00:31:15and when I came home

00:31:16and found that out,

00:31:17I just,

00:31:18I say that I had

00:31:20a mental breakdown.

00:31:21I never saw a doctor.

00:31:23I,

00:31:23I quit my job.

00:31:26I disowned my family.

00:31:28I,

00:31:29nothing mattered

00:31:30and I just booked

00:31:32the next flight

00:31:32back down to Mexico.

00:31:34She stayed there

00:31:35for six months

00:31:36while Mike attempted

00:31:37to be both father

00:31:38and mother

00:31:39to Kimberly and Evan.

00:31:40Karen eventually

00:31:41returned

00:31:42and tried to

00:31:43reestablish

00:31:44a relationship

00:31:44with her children.

00:31:46Then I just,

00:31:48I got tired.

00:31:49I couldn't do it

00:31:49no more.

00:31:53And,

00:31:54uh,

00:31:55I drove my van

00:31:59into

00:32:01the Jordan Harbor

00:32:04Bridge

00:32:04on the QEW.

00:32:05wanted to die

00:32:09and I didn't.

00:32:13You tried to kill yourself.

00:32:15Yeah.

00:32:15I just,

00:32:16I couldn't fight

00:32:18anymore.

00:32:20I didn't have my family

00:32:21to support me.

00:32:23He had them.

00:32:24Last fall,

00:32:27full of grief

00:32:27and guilt,

00:32:28Karen finally

00:32:29broke down

00:32:30completely.

00:32:31I was in the

00:32:32psychiatric hospital

00:32:33this past September

00:32:34for a month

00:32:35because I just

00:32:36didn't want to live.

00:32:38I slipped my wrists.

00:32:39I,

00:32:39you know,

00:32:40did things to me.

00:32:43And because I wanted

00:32:44to be with my kids

00:32:46so much,

00:32:46I couldn't be

00:32:48without having

00:32:48to be with Michael.

00:32:49and at that time

00:32:51with what had

00:32:53happened,

00:32:54I didn't want

00:32:54to be with him.

00:33:00In the end,

00:33:01she decided

00:33:02her only option

00:33:03was to live

00:33:04with Mike

00:33:05and to her surprise,

00:33:07life suddenly

00:33:07took a turn

00:33:08for the better.

00:33:09Do you want it?

00:33:10She never didn't want it.

00:33:12I knew Michael

00:33:12would take me back

00:33:13so I came into

00:33:14the relationship

00:33:15solely for,

00:33:17not for the marriage,

00:33:18solely for the purpose

00:33:19of being able

00:33:19to be with my children

00:33:20at least a little.

00:33:22And it has just

00:33:23miraculously worked out

00:33:25to the point

00:33:28where it's

00:33:29as good as it was

00:33:31and even better

00:33:32than it was

00:33:33prior to our marriage.

00:33:36There would be

00:33:36one snag

00:33:37in the newfound bliss.

00:33:39As her relationship

00:33:40with Mike improved,

00:33:42relations with Evan

00:33:42seemed to be

00:33:43going downhill

00:33:44and Mike would miss

00:33:46no opportunity

00:33:47to remind Evan

00:33:48of the fact

00:33:49that he had

00:33:50legal custody

00:33:50of both children.

00:33:52Well, he already

00:33:53decided that

00:33:54you live with me.

00:33:56How do you like

00:33:57them fucking apples

00:33:58or fucking sour grapes?

00:34:02You play fucking games,

00:34:03Evan.

00:34:04They don't win.

00:34:05Haven't you noticed

00:34:07that Mommy and Daddy

00:34:08are trying to get along

00:34:10and be very nice

00:34:11and be very friendly?

00:34:13and if you're trying

00:34:15to break us up

00:34:16so that you can live

00:34:17with Mommy,

00:34:18you're a loser.

00:34:22Me and Mommy

00:34:23happen to love each other.

00:34:25It's not working

00:34:26very good

00:34:27the last couple of days

00:34:28because of you

00:34:29and all the bullshit

00:34:30that's going on.

00:34:32You know,

00:34:34I wish you wouldn't

00:34:35talk to him

00:34:36on your life

00:34:36this night

00:34:37because you're

00:34:38talking out of context.

00:34:40You're pissed?

00:34:41I'm not pissed.

00:34:42I'm mad.

00:34:44You're pissed off.

00:34:45I'm pissed off

00:34:46at the bullshit

00:34:47that goes on

00:34:48behind my back.

00:34:49Convinced that Evan

00:34:50was stealing money

00:34:51from their bedroom,

00:34:52Mike installed

00:34:53a lock on the door

00:34:54but not without

00:34:54some difficulty

00:34:55which he blamed

00:34:57on Evan.

00:34:59See?

00:35:00You know something?

00:35:01You didn't do

00:35:01a goddamn thing

00:35:03but I am just

00:35:04furious with you.

00:35:05I am just

00:35:06absolutely disgusted

00:35:08with you

00:35:08because I can't

00:35:10get that lock

00:35:11to work.

00:35:12I have to

00:35:13do a major

00:35:14alteration

00:35:15to lock that door

00:35:16and there's no reason

00:35:18for me to do that

00:35:19if you weren't

00:35:19a fucking thief.

00:35:22Did he help you

00:35:23with the dishes,

00:35:24correct?

00:35:24Yes, he did.

00:35:26Well, why aren't

00:35:26these two dishes

00:35:27there?

00:35:27He did the table

00:35:29and loaded the

00:35:30dishwasher,

00:35:31ripped solid things

00:35:32out and I'm doing

00:35:32those and I haven't

00:35:33I've been playing

00:35:34with Kimberly

00:35:35instead of doing

00:35:35the pots and pans.

00:35:38Hi, kids.

00:35:39I'm home.

00:35:41Hi, Daddy.

00:35:42How are you, Daddy?

00:35:43You up to that?

00:35:44Nothing.

00:35:45What's the mess

00:35:45over here?

00:35:46What are you guys

00:35:46doing?

00:35:47You didn't clean

00:35:47yourself?

00:35:48It's okay

00:35:48if they help me

00:35:49for supper.

00:35:50I don't care

00:35:50if they help you

00:35:51for supper.

00:35:51Look at the mess

00:35:52in the house.

00:35:53I think you

00:35:53drank again

00:35:54tonight, didn't you?

00:35:55No, I didn't

00:35:55drink tonight.

00:35:57Daddy, Daddy,

00:35:58what are you doing?

00:35:59Hey, nothing.

00:36:02We talked

00:36:02about this

00:36:03over and over

00:36:03again.

00:36:05Dad, what are you

00:36:06doing, man?

00:36:06These kids,

00:36:07I'm getting sick

00:36:08and tired of these

00:36:09kids.

00:36:09They never do

00:36:10what they're

00:36:10supposed to do.

00:36:11Well, maybe if you

00:36:11stopped drinking,

00:36:12you'd be there for

00:36:13them more often.

00:36:14Hey, it's no

00:36:15business.

00:36:16Now, you guys,

00:36:16the parents are

00:36:17quiet.

00:36:18Joel, tell us

00:36:19your feelings

00:36:19about your parents

00:36:20always fighting.

00:36:21I hate it.

00:36:21I wish my dad

00:36:22wouldn't drink

00:36:23no more.

00:36:24I love him so much,

00:36:25but he's so bad

00:36:27when he drinks.

00:36:27father.

00:36:29Father, do you think

00:36:29you can change?

00:36:31No.

00:36:33I don't think I

00:36:33can change.

00:36:35How do you feel,

00:36:35wife?

00:36:36Do you feel hurt?

00:36:37Yeah.

00:36:40What does it

00:36:41remind you of?

00:36:43Who does it

00:36:44remind me of?

00:36:44What does all

00:36:45this remind you of?

00:36:46Of my fucking

00:36:47family, that's it.

00:36:51Are you crying

00:36:52right now, Jennifer?

00:36:53No, I'm not.

00:36:55Liar.

00:36:55You're shaking

00:36:57right now.

00:36:58Why?

00:37:01Because it just

00:37:02brings bad memories.

00:37:11You know, for those

00:37:11bad memories, you're

00:37:12going to have to

00:37:13talk about them.

00:37:14You can't close the

00:37:15door on them until

00:37:16you deal with them.

00:37:17Silently, she begs

00:37:19to be left alone.

00:37:20I'm closed, she says.

00:37:25Jennifer fights

00:37:25to suppress her memory

00:37:27and the anger that

00:37:28would surface with it.

00:37:30I'm so scared of the

00:37:31intensity my emotions

00:37:32can get.

00:37:33With all the anger

00:37:34and hatred and pain

00:37:35that I suppressed

00:37:36for so many years,

00:37:37that if I blow up,

00:37:39I'll lose it.

00:37:40You know?

00:37:41My biggest fear is

00:37:43that if I ever

00:37:44live all those

00:37:45feelings, I'll go

00:37:46insane.

00:37:46That's my biggest

00:37:47fear.

00:37:48It's like I'll lose

00:37:48all my control.

00:37:50So I'm not a person

00:37:51to scream, you know,

00:37:53my hurt and I'm

00:37:54way too scared.

00:37:55And even cry,

00:37:56it scares me.

00:38:00So I build it

00:38:02and I just keep it

00:38:02inside.

00:38:06Are you angry?

00:38:08Yeah.

00:38:08Show us your anger.

00:38:10No.

00:38:11Okay.

00:38:13Why is it so hard

00:38:15for somebody who's 11

00:38:16to talk about themselves?

00:38:20I don't know.

00:38:21It's not everyone

00:38:22that's around my age

00:38:24has a hard time,

00:38:25I don't think.

00:38:26It's just that,

00:38:28I don't know,

00:38:28I don't like talking

00:38:29about my feelings

00:38:31and how I feel.

00:38:34Why not, Ellen?

00:38:35I'm not sure.

00:38:37Do you think that

00:38:38the way you feel

00:38:40has anything to do

00:38:41with the way

00:38:42you behave?

00:38:45Sometimes.

00:38:49You taking the same

00:38:50train I am or?

00:38:52Yeah.

00:38:52I'm going to

00:38:53Happyville.

00:38:55Oh.

00:38:56Is that where

00:38:56you're going?

00:38:57That's where I like

00:38:58to go.

00:38:59Yeah.

00:39:00That baggage,

00:39:02does it bother you?

00:39:04It's heavy.

00:39:04What's in that baggage?

00:39:06Nothing very,

00:39:08nothing nice.

00:39:11Well, you know what,

00:39:13you've just met a magician

00:39:14and I have a magic mirror here

00:39:16and if you open up

00:39:18the baggage

00:39:19without us even talking,

00:39:21we'll get to both look

00:39:22at what's in that baggage.

00:39:23You feel like doing it?

00:39:28Jennifer, how can you

00:39:29give care to your kids

00:39:31if you can't even learn

00:39:32to care for yourself?

00:39:33How can you be a role model,

00:39:36a real mother,

00:39:37if you don't even know

00:39:38how to take care of yourself?

00:39:40And doesn't it scare you,

00:39:41Jennifer,

00:39:41that maybe in the future

00:39:42when you do have

00:39:43your own children

00:39:44that you may act

00:39:45the same way

00:39:45as your parents

00:39:46acted on you?

00:39:48They have discovered

00:39:49Jennifer's private dread.

00:39:51Why don't you tell us about it?

00:39:52Why don't you talk to us

00:39:54and let us know

00:39:55what you feel?

00:39:56I'm scared to repeat

00:39:58the same things.

00:40:00It's one of my biggest fears

00:40:01because I used to revisit

00:40:03some kids

00:40:03when I was 13 years old

00:40:05and at a point

00:40:05I'd lose it on them

00:40:06and I'd beat them up

00:40:07like my mother used to do with me.

00:40:11And so in a way

00:40:12I ask myself

00:40:13if I have to be able

00:40:13to be a mother,

00:40:14to have a kid,

00:40:15you know?

00:40:16When the memory

00:40:17comes to consciousness,

00:40:18the feelings that are evoked

00:40:19are very powerful.

00:40:21People can find

00:40:22themselves weeping,

00:40:23they can find

00:40:23themselves angry,

00:40:24they can find

00:40:24themselves feeling depressed.

00:40:26It's a central topic

00:40:27in Mike and Karen's

00:40:28parenting class.

00:40:29The teacher explains

00:40:30that the baggage

00:40:31of a miserable childhood

00:40:33will inevitably

00:40:34be handed on.

00:40:35The mother

00:40:36who as a little child

00:40:37over and over

00:40:39and over again

00:40:40was in a position

00:40:41that she was made

00:40:42you know,

00:40:44sort of somebody

00:40:45bigger,

00:40:46stronger,

00:40:47would teach

00:40:47her respect.

00:40:48what she does

00:40:50is she carries

00:40:51with her

00:40:51into her adult years

00:40:52a kind of a promise

00:40:54she makes to herself

00:40:55that she says

00:40:55when I grow up

00:40:56nobody's ever

00:40:58going to treat me

00:40:59like that again.

00:41:01So this sort of fury

00:41:02and this sort of intensity

00:41:03comes out

00:41:04where she has to

00:41:05put her kids

00:41:06in their place.

00:41:07She has to teach

00:41:09them respect.

00:41:10So how do you

00:41:11stop that

00:41:12from happening

00:41:13when

00:41:14you started off

00:41:16by saying

00:41:17like we discussed

00:41:18last week

00:41:19Evan for instance

00:41:21he feels like

00:41:23he's not allowed

00:41:24he's being punished

00:41:25for wanting

00:41:26to have fun

00:41:27or this or that

00:41:27because Michael

00:41:28wasn't allowed to.

00:41:30How does he stop

00:41:31that happening

00:41:33to his child?

00:41:34I mean

00:41:34where does it stop?

00:41:35That's exactly right.

00:41:37It does get passed

00:41:37on and on and on.

00:41:39Inevitably

00:41:40Mike will have to

00:41:41confront the painful

00:41:42memory of his

00:41:43dead father

00:41:44to understand

00:41:45his angry

00:41:45relationship

00:41:46with Evan.

00:41:48My dad and I

00:41:48weren't close

00:41:49but I was his pet.

00:41:52Like

00:41:52I resented the fact

00:41:54that I had to work

00:41:55all the time.

00:41:56You know like

00:41:56Dad can I go

00:41:57play cowboys?

00:41:57No.

00:41:58We got to change

00:41:59the plow

00:41:59the arrows

00:42:00over to the plow.

00:42:01I want to plow

00:42:02that other section.

00:42:03Okay.

00:42:04And when

00:42:04my dad was doing work

00:42:06it's not that he

00:42:06couldn't do it himself

00:42:07if he was home

00:42:08on a Saturday

00:42:08it's that he wanted

00:42:09me there.

00:42:10You learn how to do this

00:42:11so you know

00:42:12how to do this.

00:42:13okay I'm here.

00:42:15How do you relate

00:42:16to like

00:42:16Evan's

00:42:17I don't.

00:42:20I don't.

00:42:21To me Evan's

00:42:22spoiled.

00:42:23But that's the way

00:42:24the kids are today.

00:42:25Like

00:42:26he gets whatever

00:42:27he wants usually.

00:42:28Like sometimes

00:42:29I can't afford it

00:42:29right away

00:42:30but he will

00:42:31eventually get

00:42:31what he asks for.

00:42:34The latest

00:42:35is one of them

00:42:35starter jackets

00:42:36they're $150

00:42:37you know

00:42:40running shoes

00:42:41that Air Jordans

00:42:42that are $100.

00:42:43You know

00:42:43you speak to

00:42:44these parents

00:42:44they say

00:42:45we gave them

00:42:46everything.

00:42:48They have

00:42:48nanny

00:42:48the most

00:42:49beautiful clothes

00:42:50in most cases

00:42:52you know

00:42:53the only thing

00:42:53they didn't

00:42:54they give

00:42:54these kids

00:42:55is a little

00:42:56bit of themselves.

00:42:57That's all

00:42:57the kids wanted.

00:42:58Mom

00:42:58little piece

00:43:00just a little bit.

00:43:02That's what

00:43:03parents couldn't give.

00:43:05That's what

00:43:06they need.

00:43:06That's what

00:43:06parenting is about

00:43:07taking a little

00:43:08bit of yourself

00:43:09putting yourself

00:43:10underlined a little

00:43:11bit and saying

00:43:12here's a little

00:43:13piece of me.

00:43:16That wasn't

00:43:16just the Super Bowl

00:43:17come on

00:43:18just the Super Bowl.

00:43:20January 30th

00:43:21Evan who plays

00:43:22Little League

00:43:23football wonders

00:43:24if he can watch

00:43:25the Super Bowl

00:43:26with Mike.

00:43:27Why?

00:43:28Because I was wondering

00:43:29if I could come too

00:43:30and watch with you.

00:43:31I'll be going to a hotel

00:43:32if I go Evan.

00:43:34Mike tells him

00:43:35he plans to watch

00:43:36the game in a bar.

00:43:37He can't go with you?

00:43:39I won't be going

00:43:40to a hotel

00:43:40school.

00:43:41The moment passes

00:43:42and with it

00:43:43an opportunity

00:43:44to reduce

00:43:44the resentment

00:43:45that Evan

00:43:46no longer

00:43:47tries to conceal.

00:43:49This is my dad.

00:43:50He sleeps

00:43:51most of his life.

00:43:55My dad's

00:43:55like an old fart.

00:43:56He's not like

00:43:59like he

00:44:00he can't

00:44:01like if

00:44:03if I had a dad

00:44:04that was say

00:44:0429 like my mom

00:44:05he'd be a lot

00:44:06more active

00:44:07and we could

00:44:07like go play

00:44:08football and everything

00:44:08but my dad

00:44:09just like sits

00:44:09around the house

00:44:10because he's so old

00:44:11and doesn't have

00:44:11any energy

00:44:12to do anything.

00:44:13Okay say your dad

00:44:14was younger

00:44:15than the 40s

00:44:16or whatever.

00:44:17What would you

00:44:18want him to be doing?

00:44:19Like instead

00:44:20of sitting around

00:44:20the house

00:44:21and like he's

00:44:23always doing

00:44:23work on the house

00:44:24like he

00:44:24it's like he cares

00:44:25more about his house

00:44:26than he does

00:44:27about me.

00:44:29Like I love him.

00:44:30I like to spend

00:44:31time with him.

00:44:32The only thing

00:44:32I have a hard time

00:44:33doing is spending

00:44:34time with him

00:44:35if he messes up.

00:44:38Yeah I'm

00:44:38angry inside

00:44:40and like I don't

00:44:41I just say

00:44:44no Evan

00:44:45I can't.

00:44:46I'm angry

00:44:47with you

00:44:47and I can't.

00:44:51You're snow cats.

00:44:52Mm-hmm.

00:44:55In contrast

00:44:56with the animosity

00:44:57Mike feels

00:44:57toward Evan

00:44:58he shows

00:44:59an extraordinary

00:44:59gentleness

00:45:00with Kimberly.

00:45:01In case

00:45:02one gets

00:45:03where you

00:45:03have another pair

00:45:04that's why

00:45:06why don't you

00:45:06sit away

00:45:07two pairs

00:45:08because you're

00:45:09going

00:45:09boggling.

00:45:12Girls

00:45:12are treated

00:45:13differently

00:45:14than boys

00:45:15when Michael

00:45:16is involved.

00:45:17Better?

00:45:18Much better.

00:45:20Little boys

00:45:21are supposed

00:45:21to be men.

00:45:22They don't hug

00:45:22they don't cry

00:45:23they don't show

00:45:24affection

00:45:24but little girls

00:45:25you cuddle

00:45:26and you goo

00:45:27and gah

00:45:27and you know

00:45:28you brush their hair

00:45:30a hundred times

00:45:31each night

00:45:31and you tickle

00:45:34them and play

00:45:35silly little things

00:45:37with them

00:45:37but boys

00:45:37you don't

00:45:38because boys

00:45:39are supposed

00:45:39to be

00:45:40you know

00:45:41the bearer

00:45:41of all

00:45:42roughness

00:45:43and I mean

00:45:46I don't understand

00:45:47I don't agree

00:45:48with it

00:45:48I don't understand

00:45:49it

00:45:49so I don't

00:45:49expect

00:45:50a child

00:45:51to understand

00:45:52it.

00:45:53Like I tell

00:45:54him I love

00:45:54him

00:45:54but I cannot

00:45:56hug

00:45:58or

00:45:59I can hug

00:46:00like

00:46:01per se

00:46:02hug

00:46:02but kiss

00:46:03him goodnight

00:46:04he's at the age

00:46:06where

00:46:07men don't kiss

00:46:09I'm that way

00:46:10I was brought

00:46:11up that way

00:46:11I remember

00:46:13when I was

00:46:13eight years old

00:46:14and I guess

00:46:15this stuck

00:46:15with me

00:46:15my dad

00:46:17I went to

00:46:18give my dad

00:46:18a goodnight kiss

00:46:19and a hug

00:46:20and he just

00:46:20pushed me away

00:46:21How old were you?

00:46:24Eight

00:46:25He said to me

00:46:28he said

00:46:28you're a man

00:46:29he says

00:46:29you can drive

00:46:30a tractor

00:46:30he says

00:46:30you can

00:46:31do anything

00:46:32any 15 year old

00:46:33boy can do

00:46:34he says

00:46:34on the farm

00:46:35he says

00:46:36you don't need

00:46:36to be hugging

00:46:37and kissing men

00:46:38give me your hand

00:46:39shake like a man

00:46:41goodnight son

00:46:43it bothered me

00:46:45for a while

00:46:46after he died

00:46:47that

00:46:48you know

00:46:49the closeness

00:46:50the loving

00:46:51wasn't there

00:46:52you know

00:46:53like the hugging

00:46:53and

00:46:54you know

00:46:56like

00:46:56you're a man now

00:46:58you don't need

00:46:58to be hugging

00:46:59and kissing

00:47:00your dad

00:47:00How well loved

00:47:03have you been

00:47:03in your life

00:47:04Mike?

00:47:05Hard to say

00:47:06I know my dad

00:47:08loved me

00:47:08How do you know that?

00:47:10to show it

00:47:11How do you know that?

00:47:12To physically show it

00:47:13he wasn't that kind of man

00:47:15So how do you know it?

00:47:18I know

00:47:18because my aunt told me

00:47:20when he was dying

00:47:23in the hospital

00:47:24he crawled to the chapel

00:47:26and laid on the altar

00:47:28and said

00:47:30I need six more years

00:47:31so the boy

00:47:33will know where to go

00:47:34please

00:47:37six more years

00:47:38that's all I ask

00:47:39I love that boy

00:47:42and he's got to look

00:47:43after the family

00:47:44February 21st

00:47:52Evan as usual

00:47:54is the first one home

00:47:55Evan likes to cook

00:47:57and this evening

00:47:58decides to make

00:47:59a special supper

00:48:00for the family

00:48:01he is meticulous

00:48:05about the details

00:48:06getting the napkins

00:48:08just right

00:48:09a surprise

00:48:12for parents

00:48:13who increasingly

00:48:13have come to expect

00:48:15the worst from him

00:48:17mom's here too

00:48:23yes

00:48:24it's almost

00:48:30stopper

00:48:30guys

00:48:30look at this

00:48:31wait a moment

00:48:33mom

00:48:34look at this

00:48:38bread flame

00:48:39and cheese

00:48:40how much

00:49:02of Evan's problem

00:49:03do you think

00:49:03originates

00:49:05in the problems

00:49:05that you and Karen

00:49:07had

00:49:07and you had

00:49:08your share

00:49:09we had lots

00:49:10probably a great deal

00:49:12it was great

00:49:14before we got married

00:49:15but the minute

00:49:16we said I do

00:49:17everything went bluey

00:49:19plus the fact

00:49:20that his real father

00:49:22has never seen him

00:49:23plus the fact

00:49:24that Karen left

00:49:24and went to Mexico

00:49:26and left him

00:49:26and Kimberly here

00:49:27with me

00:49:28and quit fighting

00:49:30for custody

00:49:32and what not

00:49:33poor boy

00:49:35must have felt

00:49:36like nobody

00:49:37really really

00:49:38loves me

00:49:39when I look back

00:49:40on everything

00:49:40it's

00:49:41it's no wonder

00:49:44we're struggling

00:49:45with Evan

00:49:46because I mean

00:49:47first of all

00:49:49he was left

00:49:50in his eyes

00:49:52he was left

00:49:52by his father

00:49:53his father

00:49:54didn't want him

00:49:55then mummy leaves

00:49:55and then I'm stuck

00:49:56with this man

00:49:57that's not my father

00:49:57that you know

00:49:59maybe caused

00:50:00my mummy to leave

00:50:01or he's really

00:50:03aggressive with me

00:50:04he's nice to Kimberly

00:50:06he really doesn't

00:50:07pay much attention

00:50:08to me

00:50:08but he's all

00:50:09I've got

00:50:10and now my mummy's

00:50:12back

00:50:12and she drove

00:50:14the van into

00:50:15the bridge

00:50:16because Michael

00:50:16told the kids

00:50:17if I was in

00:50:19Evan's shoes

00:50:19and watched

00:50:20everything that

00:50:21progressed

00:50:22from that day

00:50:23to today

00:50:24I might be

00:50:26the same way

00:50:26he is

00:50:27February 22nd

00:50:29the day after

00:50:31Evan cooked supper

00:50:32he didn't come

00:50:36home from school

00:50:37Karen called

00:50:41the police

00:50:42fearing

00:50:43he'd finally

00:50:43run away

00:50:44from home

00:50:45I asked

00:50:45if there was

00:50:46a little boy

00:50:47there

00:50:48he's hurting

00:50:49people

00:50:49he's stealing

00:50:50their money

00:50:51oh

00:50:53we have to

00:50:54lock

00:50:55our rooms

00:50:56here

00:50:56is it

00:50:58quite possible

00:50:59he's afraid

00:50:59to come home

00:51:00today

00:51:00I thought

00:51:01I

00:51:01that's what

00:51:03I thought

00:51:03because

00:51:04they learned

00:51:04that Evan

00:51:05has again

00:51:06stolen cigarettes

00:51:07from Mike

00:51:07and been caught

00:51:08smoking

00:51:09how the fuck

00:51:17do I know

00:51:18how we handle it

00:51:19you know

00:51:22my first impression

00:51:23there's the

00:51:25fucking door

00:51:26policemen

00:51:27policemen

00:51:27just brought

00:51:27you home

00:51:27do you need

00:51:28some more

00:51:28clothes

00:51:29while they

00:51:30wait for the

00:51:30police to bring

00:51:31him home

00:51:32Mike considers

00:51:33how to handle

00:51:33the situation

00:51:34that's not the

00:51:35right way to

00:51:36handle it

00:51:36it's not

00:51:36showing

00:51:37confidence

00:51:37it's not a

00:51:38positive

00:51:38he resolves to put

00:51:40to work

00:51:41some of the

00:51:41theories from

00:51:42parenting

00:51:42class

00:51:43Karen struggles

00:51:56to get her

00:51:56emotions under

00:51:57control but

00:51:57eventually fails

00:51:59Karen

00:52:02what

00:52:04you got it

00:52:05under control

00:52:05here for a

00:52:06minute

00:52:06what

00:52:07I think

00:52:08this whole

00:52:09thing

00:52:09stems

00:52:10from him

00:52:11trying to be

00:52:12cool

00:52:12let's go

00:52:13let's go

00:52:13so what's

00:52:14the answer

00:52:14I don't

00:52:15know the

00:52:16answers

00:52:16I wish I

00:52:17knew the

00:52:18answers

00:52:18like I know

00:52:20he's very angry

00:52:21with me for

00:52:21being such a

00:52:22strict father

00:52:23and not

00:52:24sharing a lot

00:52:25of time

00:52:26I would like

00:52:43you to

00:52:44take your

00:52:44boots off

00:52:45take your

00:52:45coat off

00:52:46go upstairs

00:52:47just for

00:52:47now

00:52:47until we

00:52:48finish talking

00:52:49with this

00:52:49officer

00:52:50and then

00:52:50we will

00:52:50speak to

00:52:51you

00:52:51alright

00:52:51so tell

00:52:54me about

00:52:55running away

00:52:55and why

00:52:56you did

00:52:56it

00:52:57well in

00:52:57the morning

00:52:57I stole

00:52:58a pack

00:52:58of cigarettes

00:52:59out of my

00:52:59dad's

00:52:59carton

00:53:00and I

00:53:00took it

00:53:01to school

00:53:01I got

00:53:02caught

00:53:02with it

00:53:02so I

00:53:03was afraid

00:53:03if I

00:53:03came home

00:53:04like my

00:53:05parents found

00:53:05out about it

00:53:06because the

00:53:06principal called

00:53:07and I was

00:53:08afraid if I

00:53:08went home

00:53:08I'd get in

00:53:09big trouble

00:53:09so I just

00:53:10didn't go

00:53:10home

00:53:11what happens

00:53:14when you get

00:53:14in big trouble

00:53:14like that

00:53:15we got it

00:53:17to my bed

00:53:18or I lose

00:53:18my allowance

00:53:19or

00:53:20things like that

00:53:22like sometimes

00:53:23my dad

00:53:24like

00:53:25yells at me

00:53:27a lot

00:53:27and then

00:53:27puts me

00:53:27on my

00:53:28bed

00:53:28sometimes

00:53:29when we're

00:53:30going out

00:53:30for supper

00:53:30I have to

00:53:32come home

00:53:32in a peter

00:53:32butter and jam

00:53:33sandwich or

00:53:34something

00:53:34well I guess

00:53:37it's time

00:53:38to talk

00:53:38to Buckshot

00:53:39Evan

00:53:40no

00:53:41no

00:53:42forget

00:53:42I don't

00:53:43know

00:53:43I don't

00:53:43tell him

00:53:44I do

00:53:45you could have

00:53:48went up there

00:53:48Mike

00:53:49like

00:53:49okay

00:53:50Evan

00:53:55Evan had been

00:53:56out delivering

00:53:56newspapers

00:53:57with his

00:53:57girlfriend

00:53:58this would

00:53:59be a test

00:54:00for Mike's

00:54:00new parenting

00:54:01philosophy

00:54:02have a seat

00:54:06have a seat

00:54:06so what's

00:54:11all this

00:54:11about

00:54:11why did

00:54:13this happen

00:54:14today

00:54:14first of all

00:54:19why did you

00:54:20take that

00:54:20cigarette

00:54:21did we

00:54:22not have

00:54:23did daddy

00:54:24not say

00:54:26and I want

00:54:29you not

00:54:30to tune

00:54:30me out

00:54:31okay

00:54:32you and I

00:54:33made a deal

00:54:34Sunday

00:54:35that we

00:54:37were starting

00:54:38brand new

00:54:38it was the

00:54:39beginning of

00:54:40a new week

00:54:41and everything

00:54:42in the past

00:54:43was dead

00:54:44there was

00:54:45no bad

00:54:46Evan anymore

00:54:47Monday

00:54:49you made

00:54:49such a

00:54:50beautiful

00:54:51supper

00:54:52it was like

00:54:53mommy and daddy

00:54:54were walking

00:54:55into

00:54:56and a really

00:54:57nice

00:54:58expensive

00:54:59restaurant

00:55:00for the entire

00:55:01showdown

00:55:02Mike managed

00:55:02to sustain

00:55:03a consistently

00:55:04gentle tone

00:55:05it was beautiful

00:55:06I don't know

00:55:09what you think

00:55:10you don't talk

00:55:10to daddy

00:55:11daddy loves

00:55:13you very much

00:55:14very very

00:55:16much

00:55:16I'm trying

00:55:18my best

00:55:19but

00:55:19I think

00:55:22you should

00:55:22try as well

00:55:23I see

00:55:25a real difference

00:55:26than Michael

00:55:26a real

00:55:28positive

00:55:28difference

00:55:29than Michael

00:55:29I just

00:55:30I'm

00:55:31leery as to

00:55:32how long

00:55:32it's gonna last

00:55:33because this is

00:55:34totally out of the

00:55:35ordinary for Michael

00:55:35if it's my

00:55:37behavior that's

00:55:38making him sad

00:55:39then I have to

00:55:40change my behavior

00:55:41because I want to be

00:55:42a good parent

00:55:43for him

00:55:43late in February

00:55:58the Portage

00:55:59parenting class

00:56:00had visitors

00:56:00parents

00:56:02people who could

00:56:03talk firsthand

00:56:03about the pain

00:56:04and frustration

00:56:05of living with an

00:56:06impossible child

00:56:07who seemed to be

00:56:08heading down the road

00:56:09to disaster

00:56:10people who wanted

00:56:12to see what their

00:56:12son might look

00:56:13like a few years

00:56:14from now

00:56:15and hear how

00:56:16they might prevent

00:56:17it

00:56:17so this is a

00:56:23classroom here

00:56:24these are all

00:56:25classrooms up here

00:56:26we're set up

00:56:27in here

00:56:29we told Mike

00:56:30and Karen

00:56:31about the Portage

00:56:32program

00:56:32they decided

00:56:33to go and meet

00:56:34some of the

00:56:35teenagers there

00:56:36knowing that next

00:56:37year when he

00:56:38turns 12

00:56:39Evan will fall

00:56:40under the

00:56:40jurisdiction of

00:56:41the Young Offenders

00:56:42Act

00:56:42and my objective

00:56:44in coming here

00:56:45is to stop him

00:56:46from coming here

00:56:47to get maybe

00:56:49your point of views

00:56:50on how you viewed

00:56:51your parents

00:56:52because he won't

00:56:53talk to us

00:56:54are you okay

00:56:56with that

00:56:56yeah

00:56:57I just had a

00:56:59question

00:57:00what kind of

00:57:02ways are you

00:57:03like dealing

00:57:04with this behavior

00:57:04in the past

00:57:06he has been

00:57:07spanked

00:57:07there was a lot

00:57:08of verbal abuse

00:57:09in the past

00:57:10real quick

00:57:13to like jump

00:57:14on him

00:57:15and it got

00:57:16to the point

00:57:17where he was

00:57:18on his bed

00:57:18for like a month

00:57:19with nothing

00:57:20in his room

00:57:21and it just

00:57:22got totally

00:57:23carried away

00:57:24to the point

00:57:24where this child

00:57:25had no feelings

00:57:25he did not

00:57:26care what we

00:57:27did

00:57:27Ryan remembers

00:57:53when he was

00:57:54Evan's age

00:57:55getting in the

00:57:56same kind of

00:57:56trouble

00:57:57getting the

00:57:58same kind

00:57:58of punishment

00:57:59my consequence

00:58:00was I had

00:58:01to stay

00:58:01in my room

00:58:02for a week

00:58:03no TV

00:58:05no radio

00:58:06all I had

00:58:08was a book

00:58:08for a week

00:58:11it screws you

00:58:13up

00:58:13it's like

00:58:14being in a cell

00:58:15but without

00:58:17the bars

00:58:17it still has

00:58:18a psychological

00:58:19effect on you

00:58:27I felt

00:58:28I felt

00:58:28I don't know

00:58:29I felt

00:58:29caged

00:58:30I felt

00:58:31really rejected

00:58:32and alone

00:58:35I felt

00:58:37to rebel

00:58:37you know

00:58:39I felt

00:58:39nobody cared

00:58:40for me

00:58:40it didn't matter

00:58:41who I lived

00:58:41or died

00:58:42but I had

00:58:43to rebel

00:58:43the rebellion

00:58:45the rebellion

00:58:45occurs in

00:58:46many ways

00:58:47but rebellion

00:58:47can cost

00:58:48money

00:58:48and a quick

00:58:49way to get

00:58:50money

00:58:50is by

00:58:51theft

00:58:51Evan is

00:58:52a habitual

00:58:53stealer and liar

00:58:55to the point

00:58:56where if

00:58:56anything is

00:58:57missing in the

00:58:58house now

00:58:59he is

00:59:00automatically

00:59:01we have locks

00:59:04on our bedroom

00:59:04doors because

00:59:05he steals

00:59:05from us

00:59:06and my key

00:59:08went missing

00:59:09to the lock

00:59:10and I thought

00:59:12you know

00:59:12he had had it

00:59:13so I

00:59:14we have this jar

00:59:16that we just

00:59:17throw loose

00:59:18change into

00:59:18and he has

00:59:19stolen many

00:59:20times from that

00:59:20so this time

00:59:22I counted it

00:59:23and marked it

00:59:24down on a

00:59:24piece of paper

00:59:25and when I

00:59:27got home

00:59:28it was almost

00:59:29like I knew

00:59:29I was going

00:59:30to catch him

00:59:30I didn't want

00:59:33it to be a thrill

00:59:34but I ran

00:59:35right upstairs

00:59:36into the room

00:59:36counted it

00:59:37and it was

00:59:37short

00:59:38like I knew

00:59:39it was going

00:59:40to be

00:59:40just you know

00:59:41in my head

00:59:41I knew

00:59:42it was going

00:59:42to be

00:59:42so I came

00:59:43down and I

00:59:44said

00:59:44I'm a dime

00:59:45short

00:59:46you're a dime

00:59:47to the good

00:59:49I'm missing

00:59:51my key

00:59:52to my room

00:59:54where I'm

00:59:55missing the dime

00:59:56you explain it

00:59:57to me

00:59:57so I understand

00:59:58make me

01:00:00understand

01:00:00Evan

01:00:01it's so easy

01:00:03lately

01:00:04to be negative

01:00:05with them

01:00:06I want

01:00:07my key

01:00:08to start

01:00:08with

01:00:08so

01:00:09I don't

01:00:10care where

01:00:11you have

01:00:11to go

01:00:11to get

01:00:11it

01:00:12I want

01:00:13my key

01:00:14I don't

01:00:16have it

01:00:17you do have it

01:00:19no I don't

01:00:19yeah you do

01:00:20no I don't

01:00:21Evan

01:00:22don't get me mad

01:00:24you will spend

01:00:25the next fucking

01:00:26seven months

01:00:27on that fucking

01:00:28bed

01:00:28you will

01:00:29you have my

01:00:30other key

01:00:31and I would

01:00:32like it

01:00:32I don't have it

01:00:33you have a choice

01:00:40no you have

01:00:41because I already

01:00:43told daddy

01:00:44I feel like I'm

01:00:45gonna fucking

01:00:45close my fist

01:00:46and I'm gonna

01:00:47drift ya

01:00:47and it's gonna

01:00:48hurt

01:00:49both of us

01:00:50lots

01:00:51in so many

01:00:52areas

01:00:52he's

01:00:53falling down

01:00:54and it's so

01:00:55easy

01:00:56to be

01:00:57like

01:00:57to be on

01:00:58him

01:00:58can I kick

01:00:59over the football

01:01:00here

01:01:00no I'm not

01:01:01ready for you

01:01:01oh I'm gonna

01:01:03fucking kill him

01:01:04I can see it

01:01:05coming

01:01:06it keeps up

01:01:06like this

01:01:07I'm telling you

01:01:08something

01:01:08you better start

01:01:09telling the truth

01:01:10right now

01:01:11right fucking

01:01:12now

01:01:12because

01:01:13we already

01:01:14know that you

01:01:15were lying

01:01:15so you fucking

01:01:16tell me the truth

01:01:17now

01:01:18we know exactly

01:01:19everything you did

01:01:20today

01:01:20after school

01:01:21everything

01:01:24go take a look

01:01:25in the mirror

01:01:26you look guilty

01:01:27like sin

01:01:28go look in the mirror

01:01:29and then come back here

01:01:30I'm not gonna

01:01:34try

01:01:34I'm not gonna

01:01:35hit him

01:01:35the harangue

01:01:37over the dime

01:01:38went on for an

01:01:39hour and a half

01:01:40what's the matter

01:01:41that's not how

01:01:42you normally look

01:01:43well lately it is

01:01:44but that's not a

01:01:44normal look for a

01:01:45child is it

01:01:46got great big

01:01:48letters written

01:01:49all over your face

01:01:49that spell guilty

01:01:51it's bewildering

01:01:52you know we want

01:01:55to trust him

01:01:55and want to

01:01:56believe in

01:01:57him

01:01:58we just

01:01:58it's like a

01:01:59vicious circle

01:01:59now

01:02:00go get the

01:02:02key

01:02:02now

01:02:03go get

01:02:06the key

01:02:07now

01:02:08it got crazy

01:02:11to the point

01:02:12where I went up

01:02:13and checked

01:02:13the money again

01:02:14and I had

01:02:15miscounted

01:02:16here I sat

01:02:21and accused him

01:02:23because of the

01:02:27practice

01:02:27like he lies

01:02:29all the time

01:02:30and I was

01:02:33wrong

01:02:33so I called him

01:02:35down

01:02:35and

01:02:36I have something

01:02:47to tell you

01:02:47and I'm truly

01:02:49deeply

01:02:50sorry

01:02:51hey I'm being

01:02:54sincere here

01:02:55I made a mistake

01:02:56and I'd like

01:02:57to ask you

01:02:57forgiveness

01:02:59okay

01:03:01enough for a little

01:03:02second

01:03:02give me a hug

01:03:03get up here

01:03:05come here

01:03:09mommy recounted the

01:03:11money in the

01:03:11piggy jar

01:03:12and there's no

01:03:13money missing

01:03:14I knew it

01:03:15I gave him a hug

01:03:16and

01:03:16he had tears

01:03:18in his eyes

01:03:19and I had

01:03:19tears

01:03:20and that happens

01:03:24it doesn't happen

01:03:25a lot

01:03:25he's accused

01:03:27when

01:03:28he hasn't done

01:03:29something

01:03:30but

01:03:30it's detrimental

01:03:32like he

01:03:33you know

01:03:34must feel

01:03:34so low

01:03:35I'm walking

01:03:38down the street

01:03:38today

01:03:39and what

01:03:41drops from

01:03:41the sky

01:03:42my key

01:03:43for the bedroom

01:03:44it dropped

01:03:44from the sky

01:03:45probably closer

01:03:46to me or not

01:03:47but I have no

01:03:48idea where

01:03:48it dropped

01:03:49from

01:03:49it dropped

01:03:53on the ground

01:03:54I looked down

01:03:55and it was my

01:03:56key for the

01:03:56bedroom

01:03:56it sounds a lot

01:03:58like my house

01:03:58when I was 11

01:03:59or 12

01:04:00I used to get

01:04:01blamed for a lot

01:04:01of stuff

01:04:02and I can remember

01:04:03one time when

01:04:04I think I said

01:04:05this story before

01:04:05where my mom's

01:04:07camera got broke

01:04:07and I didn't do it

01:04:09and she grilled me

01:04:10for like three days

01:04:11on it

01:04:12you know

01:04:12you broke the camera

01:04:13you broke the

01:04:13camera

01:04:14and I never

01:04:14broke it

01:04:15but it was like

01:04:16you know

01:04:17so many things

01:04:18had been broken

01:04:18in the house

01:04:19and I was

01:04:19responsible for it

01:04:21and there was

01:04:22just no convincing

01:04:22her that I

01:04:23didn't break it

01:04:24but why were

01:04:25you breaking

01:04:25stuff and why

01:04:26were you a problem

01:04:27because I wanted

01:04:29the attention

01:04:30I wanted people

01:04:30I wanted my mom

01:04:31to notice me

01:04:32and you know

01:04:33be there and

01:04:34you know

01:04:34always have

01:04:35everything focused

01:04:36on me

01:04:36I wanted to be

01:04:37the center of

01:04:38her attention

01:04:38a lot of jealousy

01:04:40with my sister

01:04:40you know

01:04:41like she spent a lot

01:04:41of time with my

01:04:42sister

01:04:42and

01:04:43if you did

01:04:44anything that

01:04:45was good

01:04:45like if you

01:04:47helped in

01:04:48you know

01:04:48doing chores

01:04:49did she get

01:04:49recognized

01:04:50oh for sure

01:04:51but it's so much

01:04:52easier to be

01:04:52negative

01:04:53and you get

01:04:53you know

01:04:54you get the same

01:04:55attention you know

01:04:56like I can remember

01:04:57I never did good

01:04:58in school

01:04:58I was always in fights

01:04:59and stuff like that

01:05:01but I can remember

01:05:02one time when I

01:05:03brought home

01:05:03an excellent

01:05:04and it was like

01:05:05you know

01:05:06wow

01:05:06but it was really

01:05:07hard

01:05:08I really worked

01:05:08for it

01:05:09you know

01:05:09what I mean

01:05:09and it was like

01:05:10it lasted just as

01:05:12long as when I was

01:05:13bad

01:05:14you know what I mean

01:05:14when we all go

01:05:16shopping

01:05:16I doubt my mom

01:05:18do their own thing

01:05:18and say

01:05:19you guys stay here

01:05:20you guys go over

01:05:21there and look

01:05:22at that

01:05:22just don't bug us

01:05:24it's like

01:05:28when we go out

01:05:30it's just like

01:05:31we're still not

01:05:32getting any attention

01:05:33what kind of

01:05:40attention do you want

01:05:41part of the

01:05:44attention

01:05:45what does that mean

01:05:48I need good attention

01:05:49like

01:05:50my mom and dad

01:05:52loving me

01:05:53being my friend

01:05:54and what's your

01:05:57opinion on

01:05:57negative attention

01:05:58I'd rather

01:06:00positive attention

01:06:02than negative attention

01:06:03and what about

01:06:05not having any

01:06:06attention

01:06:07I don't like that

01:06:11so if you have

01:06:15a choice between

01:06:16negative attention

01:06:18and no attention

01:06:19at all

01:06:20what choice

01:06:23do you make

01:06:24usually negative

01:06:25attention

01:06:26that's better

01:06:27than nothing

01:06:27have any of you

01:06:33stolen

01:06:34shoplifted

01:06:35from stores

01:06:35it's not because

01:06:36you want it

01:06:37is it

01:06:38it's because

01:06:39your friends

01:06:39are there

01:06:40and you know

01:06:41to be accepted

01:06:43and impress people

01:06:44that's all it is

01:06:45I used to steal

01:06:47I used to steal

01:06:47from my mother

01:06:47and used to steal

01:06:48from the kids

01:06:49at school

01:06:49their money

01:06:49from their box

01:06:50lunches

01:06:51and with that

01:06:52money I used to

01:06:52buy candies

01:06:53and give it to those

01:06:54kids

01:06:55that I stole from

01:06:56so I can get

01:06:57kids

01:06:57so I can get

01:06:58friends

01:06:59to get attention

01:07:00care whatever

01:07:01I was looking for

01:07:01at that age

01:07:02that's what I feel

01:07:03like he steals

01:07:04a lot

01:07:05but I don't think

01:07:05it's for that

01:07:06item

01:07:07I think it's

01:07:08has a lot

01:07:09you know

01:07:10it goes deeper

01:07:11than that

01:07:11it's not that

01:07:12candy that he wants

01:07:13for the magic

01:07:14markers

01:07:14or whatever

01:07:15here's the attention

01:07:17Evan got for

01:07:18stealing

01:07:19markers

01:07:19why would they

01:07:20have called

01:07:21the police

01:07:21what pens

01:07:25how can it be

01:07:35changed

01:07:35positive role model

01:07:38like a father figure

01:07:40you know

01:07:41the only type of

01:07:43male role model

01:07:44I had

01:07:45was my stepfather's

01:07:47hand

01:07:48you know

01:07:49usually that was

01:07:50pretty close

01:07:50to my face

01:07:51I always wanted

01:07:54somebody to go

01:07:55and take me out

01:07:57get a drink

01:07:59go for a drive

01:08:00watch a football game

01:08:01yeah

01:08:02because I don't

01:08:03spend enough time

01:08:04with my son

01:08:04I know I don't

01:08:06it's hard

01:08:07for me

01:08:07and

01:08:08through the

01:08:09parenting class

01:08:10I've seen

01:08:10the error

01:08:11in my ways

01:08:12this has happened

01:08:13for years

01:08:14he has had

01:08:15this neglect

01:08:17yeah

01:08:17on their visit

01:08:19to Portage

01:08:20Mike and Karen

01:08:21heard chilling

01:08:22stories of how

01:08:22the tensions

01:08:23so familiar

01:08:24in their home

01:08:25can explode

01:08:25without warning

01:08:26in violence

01:08:27I was sleeping

01:08:28the walkway

01:08:30in the driveway

01:08:30I wasn't doing

01:08:32it the way

01:08:33my stepfather

01:08:33had wanted me

01:08:34to do it

01:08:34and he grabbed

01:08:36the broom

01:08:36for me

01:08:37and he hit me

01:08:37on the back

01:08:38and I dropped

01:08:39down on my knees

01:08:40and he goes

01:08:40get up

01:08:41I want to show

01:08:41you what it is

01:08:42I was crying

01:08:43you know

01:08:43because he was

01:08:44hitting me

01:08:44I go I can't

01:08:45I couldn't move

01:08:46my legs

01:08:46and he goes

01:08:47get up

01:08:47and he kept

01:08:48on hitting me

01:08:48and hitting me

01:08:49and I just

01:08:49kept on wailing

01:08:50and my mom

01:08:50came home

01:08:51and stopped him

01:08:52and afterwards

01:08:53she said

01:08:53you know

01:08:54it's your own fault

01:08:55you shouldn't have

01:08:56pissed him off

01:08:57kids your age

01:08:59are the laziest

01:09:00inconsiderate

01:09:02thoughtless

01:09:03fucking people

01:09:04I've ever met

01:09:05in my fucking life

01:09:06and don't

01:09:07fucking laugh

01:09:08at me

01:09:09do you want

01:09:15another one

01:09:16stop it

01:09:18I can't help it

01:09:19yes you can

01:09:20it wasn't a laugh

01:09:21that was uncontainable

01:09:22I really don't want

01:09:28to see him

01:09:28hit you again

01:09:29did you have

01:09:32thoughts of

01:09:32of killing

01:09:35this person

01:09:36that was abusing you

01:09:37every night

01:09:38I used to lay in bed

01:09:39and I used to think

01:09:40about going downstairs

01:09:41and getting

01:09:42one of two knives

01:09:44out of the

01:09:45kitchen knife rack

01:09:47because I sharpened

01:09:48every one of them

01:09:48before I went to bed

01:09:50every night

01:09:51I used to lie in bed

01:09:52and then think about

01:09:53getting one of the knives

01:09:54and going back upstairs

01:09:57and going in his room

01:09:58slitting his throat

01:09:59or putting it in his heart

01:10:00the reason I ask you

01:10:02that is because

01:10:03we have a set of

01:10:04very very sharp

01:10:05butcher knives

01:10:06like cutting knives

01:10:07and within this

01:10:09last month

01:10:09it came out

01:10:10that he

01:10:11laid in bed

01:10:12one night

01:10:12thinking about

01:10:14getting this knife

01:10:15and

01:10:15and killing

01:10:17his father

01:10:17and

01:10:19he said that

01:10:23to you

01:10:23he said that

01:10:25to our social worker

01:10:26Dave Jewel

01:10:28you know I sat there

01:10:30thinking wow

01:10:31you know

01:10:31the feelings

01:10:37the anger

01:10:38it would not be

01:10:41Karen's last insight

01:10:43into Evan's anger

01:10:44Evan says he feels

01:10:55nothing

01:10:55but that he has

01:10:56a baseball bat

01:10:57for protection

01:10:58just in case

01:10:59do you ever think

01:11:00that I would get

01:11:00more than that

01:11:01in a box here

01:11:02or something

01:11:02he doesn't have

01:11:04a baseball bat

01:11:04upstairs

01:11:05where from

01:11:06oh I'm going

01:11:08this is so long

01:11:12for sure

01:11:13I get out of my bag

01:11:15and come on the side

01:11:15do you think

01:11:18that's going to

01:11:19stop him

01:11:19right

01:11:19no and then

01:11:21he let go down

01:11:22for a second

01:11:23and I'd burn

01:11:23rubber

01:11:24and get out of here

01:11:24well I'm glad

01:11:29I came

01:11:30it opened my eyes

01:11:33to a lot of things

01:11:34I'm glad you shared

01:11:37your experiences

01:11:39with us

01:11:40and

01:11:40it really

01:11:42enlightened

01:11:43I got

01:11:45an insight

01:11:48on maybe

01:11:49how my son

01:11:50feels

01:11:50I feel like

01:11:52we had

01:11:55it was brought

01:11:58right this close

01:12:00to us

01:12:00we're coming

01:12:01away from it

01:12:02knowing that

01:12:03it's not just

01:12:04his problem

01:12:04it's something

01:12:05that we have to

01:12:06work on

01:12:07to turn it around

01:12:07and

01:12:10Michael

01:12:10hugs are very

01:12:12important

01:12:13and everybody

01:12:14likes to be

01:12:15no matter what age

01:12:16you are

01:12:16and

01:12:17it feels good

01:12:18and you feel

01:12:18that you feel

01:12:19care

01:12:19you know

01:12:20I'm sure your son

01:12:22would like a hug

01:12:23and to tell them

01:12:25that you love them

01:12:26even if it's

01:12:2750 times a day

01:12:28you know

01:12:28oh wow

01:12:33your sweet heart

01:12:36so how was your day

01:12:37bye

01:12:38good

01:12:38this is all very hot

01:12:41after the visit

01:12:44to Portage

01:12:45Karen and Mike

01:12:46seemed to see

01:12:47Evan in a new light

01:12:48Karen gave him

01:12:56money for a treat

01:12:57at McDonald's

01:12:58Evan seemed to

01:13:02work harder

01:13:03at being good

01:13:04Mike

01:13:10became generous

01:13:11in praising

01:13:12the improvements

01:13:13I'm really proud

01:13:14of you

01:13:14thank you very much

01:13:16for listening

01:13:17when you were

01:13:17smoking

01:13:18and he

01:13:19had a good day

01:13:21doing the lunch

01:13:22thing today too

01:13:23it's really good

01:13:25that Evan

01:13:26had a good day

01:13:27I see a family

01:13:28with some strengths

01:13:29and with every family

01:13:31I try to look

01:13:31for the strengths

01:13:32and for the areas

01:13:32that I can

01:13:33develop with them

01:13:34in their competence

01:13:35areas

01:13:35and they do

01:13:37have strengths

01:13:38we have a dad

01:13:39who admits

01:13:40to being mentally

01:13:41cruel

01:13:42admits to getting

01:13:44out of hand

01:13:44and having tantrums

01:13:45with his son

01:13:46and lecturing him

01:13:47and recognizes

01:13:49that that approach

01:13:49isn't working

01:13:50his son doesn't

01:13:51hear him

01:13:51tunes him right out

01:13:52but I have a father

01:13:54who's willing to come back

01:13:55appointment after appointment

01:13:57and try

01:13:58even when I'm

01:13:59confronting him

01:13:59about tough issues

01:14:00when a lot of dads

01:14:01would turn away

01:14:02and I'll come back

01:14:02well today is

01:14:04March the 6th

01:14:06on March 6th

01:14:07Karen was hopeful

01:14:08things had finally

01:14:09turned around

01:14:10things this past week

01:14:12I mean

01:14:12the whole week

01:14:13have gone

01:14:14fantastically well

01:14:17it was perhaps

01:14:18an omen

01:14:19that the surveillance

01:14:20camera malfunctioned

01:14:22as she began

01:14:23her hopeful report

01:14:24he's joking around

01:14:25with the family more

01:14:26acting more like

01:14:28a child

01:14:28I hope it continues

01:14:31I pray that it continues

01:14:32there is no quick

01:14:36or easy recovery

01:14:37from an abused

01:14:38childhood

01:14:38this has been

01:14:39Brad's third attempt

01:14:41at breaking his

01:14:41dependency on drugs

01:14:42and alcohol

01:14:43and it's failing

01:14:45because Brad is at

01:14:57Portage voluntarily

01:14:59for treatment

01:15:00he is free to leave

01:15:02see on the street

01:15:03oh

01:15:03thank God

01:15:05Brad

01:15:05if you leave here

01:15:07with your bags today

01:15:08and you wait for the bus

01:15:10to wherever you're going

01:15:11how are you going to feel

01:15:12I don't know

01:15:13I'm not there yet

01:15:14are you a happy person

01:15:15no I'm miserable

01:15:17four months ago

01:15:19you used

01:15:19because you were miserable

01:15:20what's going to stop you

01:15:22from using this time

01:15:24that's four months ago

01:15:25Brad

01:15:25didn't you want to

01:15:27leave here happy

01:15:28I didn't think

01:15:29I was going to leave here happy

01:15:30you never thought

01:15:32that going through

01:15:33a therapy

01:15:34and finding out

01:15:34about yourself

01:15:35would give you relief

01:15:36I want to know

01:15:38what you thought

01:15:39you'd get out of this thing

01:15:40some help

01:15:43some way of changing

01:15:45some understanding

01:15:46right

01:15:47and once you get that

01:15:49what's that do

01:15:50to a human being usually

01:15:51makes you feel comfortable

01:15:54right

01:15:55do you feel that way

01:15:56you're running away

01:15:59what's the matter

01:16:04what's the matter

01:16:06I just want to get my ticket

01:16:10and go

01:16:10you're running

01:16:12you're running

01:16:13I know

01:16:14by March 18th

01:16:18both Evan and Mike

01:16:19are back at square one

01:16:21over smoking

01:16:21get it into you

01:16:23now

01:16:24smoke it

01:16:28now

01:16:31get it into you

01:16:35larders

01:16:36smoke it

01:16:38why

01:16:40you like to smoke

01:16:42you like to steal cigarettes

01:16:44smoke it

01:16:46now

01:16:47you're grounded

01:16:51for two weeks

01:16:52what's the matter

01:16:54can't handle the cigar

01:16:56would you prefer

01:16:57smoking a cigarette

01:16:58go ahead

01:17:00here

01:17:01have

01:17:01smoke this

01:17:02hold the deck

01:17:03in front of me

01:17:03go on

01:17:04it's brand new

01:17:05not out of it

01:17:06you like to steal them

01:17:08and smoke them

01:17:09go ahead

01:17:09here

01:17:10they're free

01:17:10the scene

01:17:11lasted

01:17:1220 minutes

01:17:13what's the matter

01:17:16smoke

01:17:16bothering you

01:17:17come on

01:17:23you're missing

01:17:23all the fun

01:17:24what's the matter

01:17:29show me

01:17:29come on

01:17:30come on

01:17:31have a drag

01:17:31here

01:17:32why won't you smoke it

01:17:34why won't you smoke it

01:17:36why don't you give them a cigarette

01:17:38why won't you

01:17:38well sure here

01:17:39have a cigarette

01:17:40here

01:17:40have the whole fucking pack

01:17:41let's see

01:17:42toke up here

01:17:42I'll give you permission to smoke in my house

01:17:44how's that

01:17:45why won't you

01:17:46here

01:17:47stick that in your puss

01:17:48I don't even give you a light

01:17:50come on here

01:17:52Mr. Gould

01:17:54come on

01:17:54looking at the tapes

01:17:55you see

01:17:57a couple that

01:17:58have a lot of problems between them

01:18:00but instead of

01:18:00taking them out on each other

01:18:02they take it out on the next best thing

01:18:04Evan

01:18:05well I think the two of them are

01:18:06so overwhelmed personally

01:18:08they have a hard time

01:18:09taking care of themselves

01:18:10let alone each other

01:18:11let alone Evan

01:18:12and Kimberly

01:18:12what is it that overwhelms them

01:18:14their future together

01:18:16and where are we going

01:18:17what's going to happen to our son

01:18:18how about Kimberly

01:18:19quiet

01:18:21no problems with her

01:18:22but what's happening with her

01:18:23you know

01:18:24so there's so much going on in their lives

01:18:26and is counseling worth it

01:18:27are we going to get anything from counseling

01:18:29I'm telling you

01:18:30March 21st

01:18:32parenting classes have ended

01:18:33and so has Mike's patience

01:18:34I am at the point

01:18:36they can shove

01:18:37that fucking child psychology

01:18:39up their arse

01:18:41what are the perils

01:18:43awaiting a family

01:18:46like this one

01:18:47with problems like these

01:18:50that are untreated

01:18:51well for Evan you know

01:18:53he's at risk

01:18:55in terms of

01:18:56confrontations with his dad

01:18:58he's standing up to his dad more

01:18:59and he's taunting his dad more

01:19:00so I'm concerned for him

01:19:02and his welfare

01:19:02and with his dad

01:19:04and perhaps some physical abuse

01:19:06and just the long-standing

01:19:07perhaps emotional scars

01:19:08am I hearing you say that

01:19:10Evan might have to leave this family

01:19:12it is conceivable

01:19:13that maybe in Evan's best interest

01:19:15to leave the home for a while

01:19:17whether it be a treatment center

01:19:18or some other foster home

01:19:20group home setting

01:19:21I don't really want to be a grown-up

01:19:23but I want to

01:19:24when I get to

01:19:26the age 16 or 17

01:19:27I want to stay that age

01:19:28what's so good about being 16 or 17?

01:19:35I can move out

01:19:36get a job

01:19:38get my own place

01:19:39go to the mall

01:19:43whenever anyone

01:19:44might

01:19:44tell me

01:19:45I'd stay young

01:19:47at Portage

01:19:49being 17

01:19:50is also about

01:19:51new beginnings

01:19:52my name is Jennifer

01:19:53I like to

01:19:58go to university

01:19:59and

01:19:59I've always been

01:20:00I've always wanted

01:20:01to be a psychologist

01:20:02since I'm 12 years old

01:20:04do something

01:20:07so I can

01:20:08do something

01:20:09with my life

01:20:10so I can feel

01:20:10so I can feel proud

01:20:11and that I'm worth something

01:20:13and that I'm

01:20:14you know

01:20:14I'm someone

01:20:15I don't like my freedom

01:20:18being taken away like that

01:20:20and

01:20:21I don't want to live like that

01:20:22you know

01:20:22I have too much going for me

01:20:24too many people

01:20:25that care about me

01:20:25and I see my family

01:20:27go through a lot of pain

01:20:28a lot more pain

01:20:29than I did

01:20:29going to jail

01:20:30and that hurts

01:20:32I like plumbing

01:20:33I want to be a plumber

01:20:34that's my goal

01:20:36I want to be a pilot

01:20:38or a stockbroker

01:20:39I'm like

01:20:41knowledge thirsty

01:20:42it's something

01:20:45I found out

01:20:46about myself

01:20:46I always want to know

01:20:47more and more

01:20:48March 25th

01:20:50once again

01:20:51Evan has been caught

01:20:52stealing cigarettes

01:20:53Mike and Karen

01:20:54decide the trouble

01:20:55with Evan

01:20:56calls for

01:20:57drastic measures

01:20:58you also have to

01:20:59make yourself

01:21:00supper tonight

01:21:01not just today

01:21:03every night

01:21:05as far as I'm concerned

01:21:06right now

01:21:06you're not my son

01:21:07you just live here

01:21:10you have a room

01:21:11to sleep in

01:21:12I don't care

01:21:13what you do

01:21:13I don't care

01:21:14what time

01:21:14you come home

01:21:15that door

01:21:16gets locked

01:21:17that door

01:21:19gets locked

01:21:19at 9 o'clock

01:21:21if you're not

01:21:22in this house

01:21:22by 9 o'clock

01:21:23then you better

01:21:25find some place

01:21:26to sleep

01:21:26because you're

01:21:28not going to be

01:21:28allowed in the house

01:21:29supper time

01:21:31you make your

01:21:33own supper

01:21:33breakfast

01:21:34you make your

01:21:35own breakfast

01:21:36lunches

01:21:37you make your

01:21:38own lunches

01:21:38if you wish

01:21:39to go to school

01:21:40I am

01:21:42finished

01:21:43with you

01:21:43I don't even

01:21:46want to know

01:21:47don't ask me

01:21:48to give you

01:21:48an allowance

01:21:49mommy is not

01:21:51going to give

01:21:51you allowance

01:21:52I am not

01:21:53giving you

01:21:53an allowance

01:21:54you don't

01:21:56want to

01:21:57have to

01:21:57feed your

01:21:58dog

01:21:59anymore

01:21:59there are

01:22:01three people

01:22:02in this

01:22:02family

01:22:03as far as

01:22:03I'm concerned

01:22:04me

01:22:05mommy

01:22:05and Kimberly

01:22:06that's

01:22:07that's

01:22:07it

01:22:07with you

01:22:08you've

01:22:08made it

01:22:08very clear

01:22:09that you

01:22:09don't want

01:22:09to be

01:22:09tired

01:22:10you don't

01:22:10want to

01:22:11go live

01:22:11someplace else

01:22:12go live

01:22:12someplace else

01:22:13please and

01:22:14thank you

01:22:14we do not

01:22:17want to live

01:22:17with your

01:22:18aggravation

01:22:19anymore

01:22:19you have

01:22:21driven

01:22:21me and

01:22:22mommy

01:22:22completely

01:22:23bananas

01:22:24so I don't

01:22:26care whether

01:22:27you make

01:22:27yourself

01:22:27peanut butter

01:22:28or jam

01:22:28sandwiches

01:22:29or shit

01:22:30sandwiches

01:22:31that supper

01:22:33is for me

01:22:34mom and

01:22:34Kimberly

01:22:35you're not

01:22:35my kid

01:22:36if and

01:22:37when you

01:22:38want to

01:22:38belong again

01:22:39you'll

01:22:40we will

01:22:41see a

01:22:41change in

01:22:42you but

01:22:43as far as

01:22:43we're concerned

01:22:44that's it

01:22:45mommy is not

01:22:46going to end up

01:22:47in the hospital

01:22:48anymore I love

01:22:48that woman

01:22:49too much

01:22:50I'm not

01:22:51taking you

01:22:52camping

01:22:52I'm not

01:22:53taking you

01:22:53golfing

01:22:54when I

01:22:55planned

01:22:55our holidays

01:22:57this summer

01:22:57you better

01:22:59find some

01:23:00place to

01:23:00live for

01:23:01three weeks

01:23:01because this

01:23:02house will

01:23:02be locked

01:23:02up

01:23:03you do

01:23:04what you

01:23:05want

01:23:05sayonara

01:23:07I guess

01:23:15we can

01:23:16put

01:23:16a chair

01:23:18behind

01:23:18now

01:23:18eh

01:23:19I guess

01:23:20three days

01:23:26later

01:23:26Evan asked

01:23:27to be

01:23:27readmitted

01:23:28to the

01:23:28family

01:23:29after

01:23:29negotiation

01:23:30Mike

01:23:31Mike

01:23:31and

01:23:31Karen

01:23:31consented

01:23:32for a

01:23:33week

01:23:33there

01:23:34was

01:23:34harmony

01:23:34Mike

01:23:35and Evan

01:23:35went

01:23:36fishing

01:23:36but

01:23:37relations

01:23:37quickly

01:23:38deteriorated

01:23:39and after

01:23:40the film

01:23:40was shown

01:23:41in Canada

01:23:41both Evan

01:23:43and Kimberly

01:23:43were removed

01:23:44from the home

01:23:44by the

01:23:45Children's Aid

01:23:45Society

01:23:46they are

01:23:47they are now

01:23:47in foster care

01:23:48the social

01:23:49agencies say

01:23:50all the

01:23:51family members

01:23:52will receive

01:23:52help

01:23:53and eventually

01:23:54will be

01:23:55reunited

01:23:55I like

01:24:00plumbing

01:24:00I want to

01:24:00be a

01:24:01plumber

01:24:01that's

01:24:01my goal

01:24:03I want to

01:24:04be a

01:24:04pilot

01:24:05or a

01:24:05stock

01:24:05broker

01:24:06I'm like

01:24:07knowledge

01:24:08thirsty

01:24:08it's

01:24:12something

01:24:12I found

01:24:12out about

01:24:13myself

01:24:13I always

01:24:13want to

01:24:14know

01:24:14more

01:24:14and more

01:24:14I don't

01:24:18mean to

01:24:18make you

01:24:19out like

01:24:19a bad

01:24:19person

01:24:20because

01:24:20you're

01:24:20not

01:24:20I just

01:24:27love you

01:24:28mom

01:24:28I'm doing

01:24:30this

01:24:30because

01:24:31it's

01:24:31got to

01:24:31stop

01:24:31the

01:24:31hurt

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