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A look at soldiers who return home bearing psychological trauma from their war experience, and whether the government is making any effort to help.
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00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:30You don't have to be an amputee to be wounded.
00:35There is a psychological cost of this war that is no less debilitating.
00:40I couldn't pick up a weapon without thinking about shooting myself or somebody else when I first got back.
00:47It was like the switch flipped inside me and I was just like, okay, why can't I function right now?
00:53Tonight on Frontline, stories from the soldier's heart.
00:57I've talked to soldiers that say, I'd much rather be an amputee than to be psychologically injured.
01:04At least when you looked at me, you could see what my problem was.
01:09We never knew how deep the despair can be.
01:13We never knew how tormented he was.
01:16I remember being in northern Kuwait, southern Iraq.
01:44I remember moving up to the border.
01:49I remember how flat it was.
01:51And I remember my company commander over the radio saying, you know, welcome to Iraq, gentlemen, enjoy your stay.
02:00And, you know, here we are.
02:01And it's like, wow, we just invaded another country.
02:05You know, we're here across the border.
02:07I remember being inside the vehicle and looking through the little window ports with my night vision goggles on.
02:16Everything's green.
02:17And seeing destroyed vehicles, dead Iraqis, dead Marines.
02:24And you're talking to the intercom, to the driver.
02:27It's like, dude, did you see that tank?
02:28Yeah.
02:28Oh, my God, did you see those vehicles?
02:30Yeah.
02:30Did you see those dead Iraqis?
02:31I don't know, you know, you just, you're talking to guys to make sure you saw what you saw.
02:40I remember when the Fettin and guerrilla attacks started.
02:45It got to the point where we didn't know who was who.
02:50We didn't know who the enemy was.
02:51You started hearing reports of car bombs.
02:52And people walking up to vehicles and blowing themselves up in front of the vehicles.
02:59Rob Serra had been a Marine for seven years when the war in Iraq began.
03:04A sergeant in the 1st Marine Division, he was part of the tip of the spear, the first troops to reach Baghdad.
03:11In late March 2003, his unit was in Ashatra in southern Iraq, standing guard at the edge of the town.
03:18The feeling was still pretty intense.
03:21Everyone was still kind of fired up, pumped up.
03:23And there had been reports of suicide bombers, you know, for the past couple of days.
03:29And that, you know, the possibility of suicide bombers, watch it, you know, just be aware.
03:34So I'm sitting there on top of my vehicle, talking to one of the drivers.
03:38As I'm sitting there, all of a sudden I see this woman walking out of the town.
03:43Just slowly walking, walking, walking.
03:45I'm like, okay, that doesn't look right.
03:47She was wearing all black.
03:49She was wearing an all black burqa.
03:51She had a bag under her arm.
03:54And the Marines, all of a sudden I see the Marines in the vehicle yelling at her to stop.
03:58You know, they're putting their arms up, they're telling her to stop, they're raising up their weapons.
04:01She keeps coming.
04:03I said, okay, one of two things is going to happen.
04:07We either have to shoot her, or she's going to walk up to that vehicle and blow up.
04:12And kill the guys who are in the vehicle.
04:14So I picked my weapon up and aimed in.
04:22And the sound of my rounds going out got the guys in the other vehicle to open up as well.
04:29And they opened up on her with, I mean, 15 weapons.
04:36I mean, she just got torn to pieces.
04:38And as she fell, which was pretty fast, as she fell down, she was reaching into her bag.
04:47And she was probably 50 yards in the vehicle.
04:49Hit the ground, there was a white flag in her hand.
04:51And right then and there, I was just like, what the hell happened?
04:57I was crying, hysterical.
05:04You know, this woman got killed by my actions.
05:09I mean, it was something that plagued me.
05:11I remember writing my journal, I'm not going to tell anybody about this.
05:16It's something that happened, that happens in war.
05:18And it just, your mom shouldn't have to hear about you shooting a civilian woman.
05:22It's all there's to it.
05:24I wasn't going to talk to anybody about it.
05:26But little did I know, it kind of worked itself back up to the surface when I came home.
05:31When soldiers return, they begin to struggle internally with what they experienced, what they did, and what they didn't do.
05:46Jim Dooley was a soldier in Vietnam and has counseled combat veterans for the last 20 years.
05:53When you're finally back here and you finally make connection with your safety, which is your family,
06:00that's when you begin to vibrate with the fact of where you were.
06:09Now you can actually acknowledge how scared you were.
06:17This is the most damaging type of war, psychiatrically.
06:22You have no protection anywhere at all times.
06:27And therefore, you're in constant death threat.
06:33You're also witnessing death at an incredibly close range.
06:40And you're witnessing the carnage.
06:46Coming home, they each bring their own stories of war and survival.
06:51For many of them, stories that remain intensely private about battles still not over.
06:58On July 13, 2003, a bus carrying the marine reserves of the 6th Motor Transport Battalion arrived in New Haven, Connecticut.
07:17The unit had been in Iraq since the beginning of the war, and now they were coming home.
07:22Oh, it was great.
07:26They had police.
07:27They had sirens ringing.
07:29It was just great.
07:30Everybody had flags.
07:33Joyce Lucy was there with her family, waiting for the return of their son, Jeff, a Lance Corporal with the unit.
07:40The bus was supposed to go all the way around the park, but I think the guys just wanted the bus to stop and let them out.
07:46I actually didn't see him get off the bus because there were so many, and they're all in uniform, so they all look the same.
08:00He seemed to be doing great, and it was just really nice to have him home.
08:05We didn't know where you guys went.
08:07He was tanned.
08:09There was no wounds.
08:10There was no cuts.
08:12He looked great.
08:14So we thought, he's safe and sound.
08:18That was our biggest mistake.
08:20It was.
08:24Jeff and his unit were to be home for a number of months before returning to Iraq.
08:29Rather than spending this time on a military base, marine reserves like Jeff are returned home to pick up their lives as civilians.
08:36He went back to school, and he functioned well until, I believe it was March.
08:44He did his midterms.
08:46He did well.
08:47And then right after that, he seemed to start falling apart.
08:52You try to ignore it, because the military told us, he's going to go through an adjustment period.
08:58Don't push.
08:59Understand that there's going to be things maybe happening you might not understand right away.
09:04Don't be concerned.
09:04Don't be concerned.
09:06Just watch them.
09:08He drank more.
09:11He tended to stay by himself.
09:13He sat by the fireplace.
09:15He'd have a cigarette.
09:17And then he would go out on the deck and talk.
09:21He started to talk more about Iraq, the combat situations and things he saw of people who had been wounded and things that bothered him more.
09:37Jeff had been a truck driver in Iraq, his unit was responsible for transporting supplies and munitions along the country's perilous roads.
09:48When he would talk about Iraq, he was distant.
09:53He was speaking, but staring off into space like he was reliving it almost.
10:00He was always saying, you'd never understand, you don't understand the way it was.
10:07I think what happens with the returning vet is that they have these feelings, these images, these smells, these nightmares occurring frequently.
10:21And they're quite disturbed by it.
10:23And I think that is the golden hour of being able to have someone surface or reach out to someone and say, gee, how are you doing with that experience?
10:36They're more likely to be able to say, these are the things that are happening to me and I don't know what to do with them.
10:44And I'm feeling bad about myself.
10:47The soldiers are not a homogenous group.
10:52There are going to be some who are going to kind of just go through the experience and they'll have a bad day or a couple of bad days and they'll work through it and they won't ever get very distressed.
11:06Colonel Thomas Burke directs mental health policy for the Department of Defense.
11:12But nobody comes back from combat unchanged.
11:17They will have expectations about what their families are going to be like.
11:20Their families have expectations about what they're going to be like.
11:23And the one thing that is absolutely true about all of those expectations is all of them are going to be wrong.
11:32Thank you, Father, for our holidays and for our weekend.
11:34And we thank you for, Jake, being home safe and we ask that you would bless this food to us.
11:40In Jesus' name, amen.
11:43Amen.
11:4422-year-old Jacob Martin has been home from Iraq for eight months.
11:48How about some taste, Jake?
11:50His parents say they noticed almost at once that their son had changed.
11:55At first we thought it was just physical.
11:57One day we were just sitting on the sofa and Jake just popped out with beads of sweat just, you know, pouring down his face.
12:05And I went, Jake, are you okay?
12:06And he went, you know, why are you sweating?
12:11And he goes, oh, Mom, I don't know.
12:12I've just been doing this since I got back from Iraq.
12:15He was very, very angry and very depressed.
12:17And he had a lot of emotional turmoil.
12:19He told me that before they went into battle, they were taught how to just basically give their lives away, let go of their lives, consider themselves dead.
12:33I don't believe a human being can do that without a toll being taken on them.
12:37When we first went there, yeah, we were, I was scared.
12:42But after we got there, there was no reason, you know, being scared doesn't do anything for you.
12:49When you're over there and you see people that are scared, you know, you're just like, you know, I'm glad that's not me, you know.
12:53You don't want to, I'd rather be numb than scared, you know.
12:59Jacob was a machine gunner with the 1st Marine Division.
13:02I didn't expect to come home whatsoever.
13:04That was not in the plan.
13:05My platoon was, you know, mechanized, you know, we'd roll around in trucks.
13:09That's all we'd do, is roll around in trucks, you know.
13:11All the IEDs were hitting vehicles, and I was figuring, okay, I'm in a vehicle, I'm going to die.
13:18In April 2004, Jacob's unit was called to provide support for the first major assault on Fallujah.
13:26We set up a blocking position up at one of the dams, and we'd just sit there.
13:31We'd sit there and you'd watch the planes come in, you know, dropping bombs.
13:35Using their heavy guns.
13:37You'd hear the fighting up the street from, you know, my buddy platoon's going at it.
13:42Every day, they'd be like, all right, you're moving tomorrow, you're moving in tomorrow, you're moving in tomorrow.
13:46Every day, they'd tell us, you're moving in tomorrow.
13:48We never moved.
13:48We just sat there, and we were like, what the f*** is this?
13:51After nearly a month-long siege, U.S. troops withdrew from Fallujah.
13:59We felt like we really didn't get to do our jobs.
14:02Kind of made it feel like, okay, all these Marines that died over there, they died for no reason, because we got pulled out.
14:08You feel like you let your friends down, you let your country down, you know, everything you were trained to do, you've let down.
14:20Back in the rear with little to do, Jacob says his mood began to change.
14:25My brain just kind of snapped, I guess.
14:29Just woke up one day, and everything was different.
14:32I began hating people that were friends of mine.
14:34I couldn't stand the sight of them.
14:37Someone were to yell at me, you know, I could get mad.
14:39And sometimes, you know, after I get mad, you know, I'd go into an anxiety test, I'd start shaking, start panicking, you know, just have a ball of emotions.
14:47I have no idea what's, you know, why am I feeling like this, you know, I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me.
14:51When I wasn't out on patrol, I'd spend a lot of my time just staring at the walls.
14:59Didn't even read books, didn't even think, didn't listen to music or anything.
15:04I was trying to sleep through the day when I wasn't working.
15:09I was hoping I'd die.
15:11I didn't really, you know, I was hoping it would end soon, but I never did.
15:16Gang, what I want you to understand is this.
15:18On any given day, World War I, World War II, and Korea, on any given day, we had more psychiatric casualties than all the ones killed by the enemy.
15:28Lieutenant Colonel Dave Grossman is a retired Army Ranger and has written extensively on the psychological impact of combat.
15:35In World War II alone, we had over 500,000 psychiatric casualties.
15:41Although not part of the military's regular training, Grossman was invited to speak to this group of Marines shortly before they deployed to Iraq.
15:50At one point in World War II, we were discharging boys from the front lines because their minds went faster than we were drafting them in America.
15:57Do you understand?
15:58How many of you knew about that?
16:00Yeah.
16:00We know about the dead, we know about the wounded, but Grandpa's not going to come home and tell you about the day he went Section 8.
16:06Do you understand?
16:07For those who are psychologically damaged, there's a tendency to feel that there's something wrong with them.
16:15There's not.
16:17We can track combat psychological disorders back as far as we have records of war.
16:22In the Civil War, soldiers who showed signs of such a disorder were said to have nostalgia or be suffering from soldiers' heart.
16:36In World War I, the condition was called shell shock.
16:41In World War II, battle fatigue.
16:44In World War II, we really had the first real understanding of the post-traumatic casualties and psychoses, the neuroses that would derive from it.
16:55But it wasn't until Vietnam that we really put our finger on it.
17:01Nearly one in three Vietnam veterans would eventually suffer from emotional problems.
17:06At first, they were said to have post-Vietnam syndrome.
17:09But after years of study, it became clear that all of the various names were describing the same reactions to combat and a specific syndrome.
17:19The American Psychiatric Association created a new diagnosis, which included both psychological and biological symptoms.
17:28They called it post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD.
17:35Folks, the point I want to make to you is this.
17:39Your enemy is denial.
17:41Colonel Grossman's lecture to these Marines focuses on what he believes is a deficit in military training.
17:48How do we make sure that our guy's going to instinctively, reflexively shoot the right person?
17:54What's the magic word here?
17:56Training.
17:57This is a training issue.
17:57Do we all agree?
17:58Every football coach, every basketball coach knows if we drill, drill, drill, drill under the stress of the big game, the skill will be there for you.
18:05We've turned it into muscle memory, into autopilot response.
18:08Y'all understand that?
18:11Now, I've tricked you into killing.
18:13Your brain is not ready to come along on the ride.
18:15Who's the next victim?
18:17You are.
18:19You've got to be ready, mind, body, and spirit.
18:23Embrace that dirty four-letter word, kill.
18:24You'll read a hundred military manuals, and you'll seldom find that word, kill.
18:32Through modern conditioning, we've trained them not just to shoot, but to shoot accurately.
18:36But if we haven't prepared ourselves emotionally for the act ahead of time, if we just trick you into killing, the magnitude of the trauma can be significant.
18:45Because we're having to live with something that your body says is not right, that you didn't want to do.
18:49And if you fail to be able to accept what you've done, and rationalize what you've done, then you spin down one of the paths to PTSD.
19:00For Marine Sergeant Rob Serra, the downward spiral began, he says, in the moments after the incident in Ashatra, where he had fired on an unarmed civilian woman.
19:09Distraught, Rob had confided in his gunnery sergeant.
19:16He said, we'll be okay.
19:18This happens.
19:19It's going to happen.
19:20We'll get over it.
19:21We'll be okay.
19:22I believed him when he said that.
19:24You know, we're going to make it through.
19:25It'll be all right.
19:26We're just going to put it all behind us.
19:28And then later on, it just, it got worse.
19:33Situation went from bad to worse.
19:34Three days later, he was ordered to lead a mission back into Ashatra.
19:41He refused the order.
19:43I couldn't understand, in my own mind, why that happened.
19:48It was like the switch flipped inside me, and I was just like, okay, what, why can't I function right now?
19:55And my lieutenant was like, I can't believe I'm hearing this from you.
20:00You're not the kind of guy that would do this.
20:01I can't believe I'm hearing you say what you're saying.
20:05For refusing an order, Rob was relieved of his leadership position and became a provisional rifleman.
20:15With his tour in Iraq over, he returned to his hometown of Chicago.
20:20But being far from combat, didn't solve his problems.
20:23I was drinking a lot.
20:25I was drinking heavily, like every night.
20:28Getting into fights, like drop of a hat in a bar, which happened a couple of times.
20:33One of those times was at a bar in Milwaukee.
20:41Guy was talking some trash in the bar, and we walked outside.
20:45And when we got outside, he hit me, and then I don't really remember what happened after that.
20:53I wake up, I kind of came to, and I'm sitting on the ground.
20:58I had the guy sitting in front of me.
20:59I had him in a choke hold.
21:00And the guy was going limp.
21:03And I feel somebody hitting the back of my neck.
21:05And it's my buddy hitting me, yelling at me to let the guy go.
21:10There are girls, two girls grabbing this guy's ankles, trying to pull him away from me, like I was a pit bull or a shark or something.
21:15I wasn't letting go.
21:16And I finally let go of the guy when he went limp and got up and walked back into the bar like nothing had happened.
21:23You know, at that point, I was like, if I had killed this dude, I mean, if I broke his neck, you know, there's no getting around that.
21:33And it scared me.
21:34And I think it snapped me into reality where it was like, all right, you've got to take care of this.
21:38Returning to Camp Pendleton, the Marine base where he had trained, Rob asked to see a therapist.
21:48The decision, he says, was not easy.
21:51There's a connotation by your name at that point.
21:55Kind of a little check by your name, like, okay, now he's, you know, saying he's got combat stress or whatever.
22:02The thing is, you're not supposed to show any weakness and refusing to go on a mission.
22:08And then me saying, I've got to get some help are two things that really showed weakness.
22:13And mainstream Marines were like, what's wrong with this guy?
22:17You know, he's a sergeant.
22:18Sergeants are supposed to be supermen.
22:21Hurry up, get him off the line!
22:23The stigma to receiving mental health services inside the military is huge.
22:29I think the biggest barrier that I hear about is being thought of as a wimp.
22:34Yeah, someone who just can't hack it in the midst of a culture of people who can.
22:41Andrew Pomerantz is the chief of mental health services for the VA in Vermont.
22:47Many people simply either fear being exposed as a weakling, which certainly impacts on the military culture of strength,
22:56or actually fear retribution and punishment if they express psychological distress.
23:05There is the firmly entrenched belief that, at least historically, has been based on reality,
23:12that simply being known to have consulted mental health is career-ending.
23:18Jonathan Shea is a psychiatrist and has written about combat veterans returning home.
23:23Now, there are people who poo-poo that and say they've changed all that.
23:29Maybe it's changed right inside the Pentagon,
23:32but there are plenty of things that happen right inside the Pentagon
23:36that never get out to the field
23:40in terms of actually influencing people's beliefs and behavior.
23:45In late September 2003, Staff Sergeant Andrew Poghani arrived in Iraq.
24:00Andrew was a military interrogator and a member of the U.S. Army Special Forces,
24:04one of the most elite units in the military.
24:06Less than a week after landing in country,
24:12Andrew saw the mutilated body of a dead Iraqi
24:14and began to suffer from panic attacks.
24:17I started shaking. I was sweating.
24:21It got to the point where I was hallucinating.
24:24The most frightening or bizarre thing about it was that I had no clue as to what was happening,
24:30and I couldn't turn it off, and it wouldn't go away, and I couldn't clear my mind.
24:33After two days with no relief, Andrew was sent north to Tikrit,
24:39where he met with a mental health specialist in the field.
24:43It was about time a Special Forces soldier was coming to see us,
24:47because we know what they go through.
24:48We know what they have to put away,
24:51and they shouldn't have to put it away, because that's what we're there for.
24:56Cheyenne Forsyth was part of a military initiative
24:58being used extensively for the first time in Iraq.
25:01Called combat stress control teams,
25:05they're groups of mental health specialists deployed on the front lines,
25:09right alongside the fighting forces.
25:14Cheyenne met with Andrew in one of Saddam Hussein's old palaces.
25:20What I wrote down and what I remember is,
25:24he said he didn't want to die there.
25:25No one wants to die there.
25:31But you have a job to do.
25:35And you either make peace with yourself
25:38and knowing that you probably will die here,
25:43or you probably will go home.
25:45And then you go from there.
25:47Cheyenne recommended Andrew be given the standard treatment
25:51for someone with combat stress,
25:53three days of rest with the restoration team.
25:56We delivered our recommendations to Sergeant Pagani's command
26:00one or two days later,
26:02and that's when I saw what Sergeant Pagani was up against.
26:07According to Andrew,
26:09his command had opposed his requests to get help from the start.
26:12Now his command refused the combat stress control team's recommendations.
26:18As Cheyenne looked on,
26:19he says Andrew's Sergeant Major ordered Andrew
26:22to stay away from his fellow soldiers,
26:24calling him a coward.
26:26It was shocking to see how the Sergeant Major responded.
26:31It was shocking to see him berate Sergeant Pagani in front of us.
26:36Andrew says the verbal attacks continued the next day.
26:39They berated me for an hour.
26:43They called me everything from a failure to a coward
26:45to telling me that if this would have happened 50 years ago,
26:49they would take me out back and just shoot me.
26:51At that point, I'm just, like, stunned.
26:59Andrew was sent home by his command to Fort Carson,
27:03the base from which he had deployed.
27:04And one week later,
27:08he was charged with cowardly conduct before the enemy.
27:13Heroism and cowardice.
27:14Both are in the headlines tonight.
27:16In the case of heroism,
27:17it is the story of Private Jessica Lynch.
27:19On the other side,
27:20an army investigator who was accused of cowardice...
27:23The cowardice story made headlines.
27:25...suffering a panic attack on his second day in Iraq.
27:28Both outside the military and within.
27:34The notion that you would give up on somebody
27:37after they sought mental health care treatment
27:39is what the stigma is all about.
27:43And it sent a shockwave.
27:46Steve Robinson is a Gulf War veteran
27:48and heads up the National Gulf War Resource Center,
27:51a veterans advocacy group.
27:53I got emails from soldiers
27:55who were having psychological problems.
27:57They did not know where to turn
27:59if this was going to be the response from the military.
28:04Really, what the military was trying to do,
28:07what the very first person
28:09that said he was a coward,
28:11and that's not the word they used,
28:13that's not what they called him,
28:15they called him a f***ing pussy,
28:17that he was a pussy
28:18because he wouldn't go out and fight.
28:20And the reason they said that was
28:22they were trying to send a message
28:24that fear will not be tolerated.
28:29The Army has stated in the press
28:31that the reason they sent Andrew back to Fort Carson
28:33was because he had repeatedly requested to go home.
28:38Andrew says he had wanted to remain in Iraq
28:40and had only asked to go home
28:42when his command refused him treatment in the field.
28:44Frontline wanted to talk to Army officials
28:49at Fort Carson about Andrew's case,
28:52but they declined to comment.
28:55Colonel Elspeth Ritchie,
28:56a high-ranking Army psychiatrist,
28:58also wouldn't discuss Andrew's case,
29:01but she would comment on the Army's policies.
29:04In World War I
29:06and in other subsequent wars,
29:09there were soldiers
29:10who were tried and shot for cowardice,
29:14and now looking back,
29:15we think that it was a combat stress reaction.
29:19We've learned a lot
29:21about the way humans respond to combat.
29:24Unfortunately, in some cases,
29:26it's still misinterpreted.
29:30In fact, when the Army did their own survey
29:32of troops serving in Iraq,
29:34nearly half of those most in need
29:36of psychological help
29:37reported that they felt
29:39that if they asked for such help,
29:40their leaders would blame them
29:42for the problem,
29:43that they would be seen as weak,
29:46and that their unit
29:47would have less confidence in them.
29:53Jeff was very reluctant
29:55to do counseling,
29:57to do anything.
29:58He didn't want to show any weakness.
30:02He didn't want the Marines
30:04to think he was weak,
30:05so he was very reluctant.
30:09By the spring of 2004,
30:12Jeff Lucey had been home from Iraq
30:13for almost a year.
30:16As a Marine reserve on leave,
30:18he saw the men from his unit
30:19just once a month at training,
30:21and his fellow Marines say
30:22they saw little change
30:24in Jeff's behavior.
30:26Jeff was able to hide
30:27his problems pretty well.
30:30He wasn't maybe as outgoing
30:31as he used to be.
30:32You know, when I spoke to him,
30:34you know, how's things going?
30:35How you been, man?
30:35He said, all right, you know, good, fine.
30:41What have you been up to?
30:42You know, eh, usual.
30:43But it wasn't much.
30:44I mean, it was,
30:45you really have to know Jeff
30:46in order to see things like that.
30:49The military also had no reason
30:51to be concerned about Jeff.
30:54Servicemen and women
30:55returning from duty
30:56are required to complete
30:57a post-combat questionnaire
30:59designed to target
31:00troubled soldiers,
31:01and they are offered help.
31:04Jeff had indicated
31:05on his forms
31:06that he felt fine
31:07for the most part
31:08and declined any help.
31:10His fellow Marine, Dan,
31:11who was with Jeff at the time,
31:13said he wasn't surprised
31:15by Jeff's answers.
31:16We had questionnaires,
31:18you know, the standard,
31:20if you have any problems,
31:21write them down now,
31:22and we'll keep you here
31:23and we'll study them
31:25until we figure out
31:26whether you're better or not.
31:28You just want to go home.
31:30Nobody wants to sit there
31:31and say,
31:32yeah, I don't sleep
31:33so good anymore,
31:34you know,
31:35my knee hurts a little bit
31:36or something like that.
31:38Generally speaking,
31:39you just say,
31:40I'm A-OK,
31:41and you want to go home
31:42and see your family.
31:45But as the months passed
31:46since Jeff's return home,
31:48his family says
31:49they watched Jeff deteriorate.
31:54One afternoon in late spring,
31:56Jeff and his mother Joyce
31:58took a walk together
31:59in the woods
31:59behind the family house.
32:01I think it was
32:02at the end of May,
32:03and he had me listen
32:04to a song
32:05that, with earphones,
32:07he put the earphones on me
32:08and he had our dog
32:09by the leash
32:10and he said,
32:10let's go for a walk.
32:13The words in it
32:14talk about
32:15looking down the barrel
32:16of a .45,
32:19and when I first heard that,
32:21I kind of looked at him
32:22and he goes,
32:22no, no,
32:23I'm not thinking of that, Ma.
32:25He said, I'm thinking
32:25the barrel,
32:28looking down the barrel
32:29is like looking down
32:30a long tunnel.
32:34And then it says,
32:36whatever happened
32:36to the young man's heart
32:38swallowed in pain
32:40as he fell apart.
32:41And I'm saying,
32:56this is him.
32:56He's like telling me,
32:57he's walking beside me.
32:59I'm listening to these words
33:00and I know
33:01it's describing him.
33:02He was falling apart
33:03right before our eyes.
33:04I didn't know how to help him,
33:11as scared as I was.
33:13You don't know what to do.
33:14You know,
33:15you're looking at him,
33:15you're saying,
33:16he needs help.
33:20Jeff's family says
33:21that Jeff had always
33:22been a social drinker,
33:23but after returning
33:24from Iraq,
33:25he had begun drinking
33:26to excess,
33:27often alone,
33:29sometimes beginning
33:30early in the morning.
33:31He was now seeing
33:33a private therapist
33:34and on antidepressants,
33:36but nothing seemed
33:37to be helping.
33:38We had really tried
33:39for a while
33:40to just help him ourselves,
33:43and it got to the point
33:44where we felt like,
33:45you know,
33:45we're not professionals.
33:47We don't understand.
33:49Maybe another veteran
33:51could understand.
33:54Jeff was eligible
33:55for psychiatric services
33:57at his local
33:57Veterans Affairs
33:58Medical Center,
33:59and his family
34:00encouraged him to go,
34:02but Jeff refused.
34:04Jeff thought that the VA,
34:05and we thought,
34:07that the VA was part
34:08of the military,
34:09and Jeff was afraid
34:11that if we brought him
34:11to the VA,
34:13what was going to happen
34:13immediately was that
34:15his unit would be contacted,
34:17his officers would be
34:19disappointed,
34:20and he would have
34:21disappointed his colleagues,
34:23his men.
34:25The VA is not part
34:26of the military,
34:27and they assured Jeff's family
34:29that his records
34:29would be kept private.
34:33Finally,
34:33at the end of May,
34:35ten months after
34:36returning home,
34:37Jeff checked in
34:38to the Northampton VA.
34:40As a patient
34:41under special observation,
34:43Jeff was not allowed
34:44any alcohol.
34:45He stayed for a couple days,
34:48but then he wanted
34:50to come home.
34:51He wanted to actually
34:53come home and drink
34:54is what he said.
34:56The VA declined
34:58Frontline's request
34:59to discuss the details
35:00of Jeff's case.
35:02In partial medical notes
35:04released to his family,
35:05it was written on the day
35:06he was admitted
35:07that Jeff had exhibited
35:09a plan or intention
35:10to harm himself,
35:11planned to OD
35:13or hang himself.
35:17But three days later,
35:19notations on these reports
35:20concluded he was
35:21no longer
35:22an imminent danger
35:23to others
35:24or himself.
35:30About two months
35:31after I came back,
35:32it all started hitting me.
35:34Once you dig down
35:34all those walls,
35:35you know,
35:35of being numb over there,
35:37you come home,
35:37you can't be numb anymore,
35:38so you numb yourself
35:39with something.
35:39and after you get rid
35:41of all that crap
35:41that numbs you,
35:42you know,
35:43you start feeling
35:43that s***.
35:50By August of 2004,
35:52Jacob Martin had returned
35:53to Camp Pendleton.
35:55His unit was back
35:56in training,
35:57preparing for redeployment
35:58to Iraq.
36:01When he got back
36:02to California
36:03and Jacob had been back
36:05maybe a week,
36:07he began to call me.
36:08and he was quite distraught.
36:11I couldn't pick up
36:12a weapon without
36:12thinking about
36:13shooting myself
36:14or somebody else
36:14when I first got back.
36:16I couldn't,
36:17you know,
36:17I couldn't have
36:18any weapons,
36:18any knives,
36:19or anything like that
36:19when I first came back.
36:21He didn't talk about
36:22being angry about
36:24the Iraqis
36:25or the war.
36:26He talked about
36:27being angry
36:27at the Marines.
36:29He felt like
36:30he needed some help
36:31to deal with
36:32his depression,
36:33his anger,
36:33and they were
36:35discouraging him
36:36from getting it
36:37and he felt
36:38that was a raw deal.
36:40Get up here!
36:42We're trained
36:43not to hurt.
36:44It's all about,
36:45okay,
36:45just suck it the f*** up.
36:46That's our big deal
36:47is suck it up.
36:49Basically,
36:49you got to tell
36:50these guys,
36:50I'm going to kill
36:51everyone
36:51for them to let you
36:52go, you know,
36:53get medical help
36:54for them to actually
36:55get off the case
36:56about it.
36:58Two months
36:59after his return
37:00from Iraq,
37:01Jacob says he went
37:02to see a division
37:02psychiatrist
37:03who diagnosed him
37:05with PTSD.
37:07I didn't really
37:07accept what they
37:08had to tell me.
37:09The answer wasn't
37:09good enough,
37:10you know.
37:10I wanted someone
37:11to say,
37:12okay,
37:12you're completely
37:13clinically insane.
37:14We're going to
37:14shoot you up
37:15with something
37:15and you're going
37:15to be all better.
37:17It didn't happen
37:18like that.
37:20Okay,
37:20well,
37:20let's go ahead
37:21and start today
37:21and let's just
37:23do a check-in.
37:24What did you do
37:25this week?
37:25How's it going?
37:27Instead,
37:28Jacob was recommended
37:29to join one of
37:30the few support groups
37:31offered at Camp Pendleton.
37:33Since I've been back
37:34and doing a lot
37:34of dangerous things.
37:35Could you share
37:36some of the dangerous
37:37things that you've been doing?
37:38Driving fast
37:39on my freeway.
37:40All the men
37:41in this group
37:42have served in Iraq
37:43and have shown
37:44symptoms of PTSD.
37:46How about you, Jacob?
37:48I cussed some lady
37:49out this weekend
37:49because, like,
37:50you know,
37:52I usually don't do that.
37:54You know,
37:54it's not like,
37:55you know,
37:55I don't do that a lot,
37:56but, like,
37:57I'm not very rational
37:58anymore.
37:59If someone gets mad,
38:00I get mad,
38:02you know,
38:02pretty quickly now.
38:04Does it feel good
38:04in some ways
38:05at first?
38:06Yeah,
38:06during the rush,
38:07you know,
38:07I can feel something again
38:09because usually
38:09I don't feel much emotion.
38:11Yeah, yeah.
38:11Just mainly
38:12depression and anxiety.
38:14That's about it.
38:15Mm-hmm.
38:17Talking about the way
38:17you feel with,
38:18you know,
38:18Marines,
38:19you know,
38:19we're not very touchy-feely
38:20people.
38:21But it's nice to be able
38:22to, you know,
38:23get in touch with,
38:23I guess,
38:24that,
38:25whatever is inside of you,
38:27stuff like that,
38:28emotions.
38:30So it's a good deal.
38:33How long has it been
38:33since you've had those
38:34thoughts about killing yourself?
38:37Uh,
38:38I thought about it last week,
38:39but, I mean,
38:40he's still always thinking
38:41about it,
38:41you know,
38:4324-7.
38:45You do go in for help,
38:46yeah,
38:47you know,
38:47everyone's gonna look at you
38:48a little bit different,
38:49but I had this one guy,
38:51he came up,
38:51you know,
38:51he was really ripping into me
38:53for going to this counseling
38:55and,
38:56you know,
38:57he was chewing my ass
38:58pretty bad
38:59and telling me
38:59how into an idiot
39:00and a loser I was
39:01and then somehow
39:01by the end of the conversation
39:03he told me,
39:03hey,
39:04you know,
39:04if this helps you,
39:05come tell me
39:05because I'd like to get help myself.
39:07Most of the people
39:08that are yelling at you,
39:08you know,
39:09they got problems too,
39:10they just don't want
39:10to get help either.
39:13I want you to focus
39:14your attention
39:14on the muscles
39:15in your forehead
39:16and I want you to
39:17tighten up the muscles
39:18in your forehead.
39:19The group Jacob is in
39:20will last 10 weeks.
39:21Notice how it feels.
39:22After completing it,
39:24Jacob is scheduled
39:24to be redeployed to Iraq.
39:26Continuing to take
39:27slow, deep breaths.
39:29This therapy group
39:30is in keeping
39:31with the military's
39:32mental health initiative
39:33known as
39:34resiliency training.
39:36People can experience
39:39some sort of
39:40stressful or traumatic event
39:42and they,
39:43they can bend
39:47under that stress
39:49and then spring back.
39:50I mean,
39:51I guess that's the metaphor
39:52that they're using
39:52with resiliency.
39:54Slow, deep, relaxing.
39:56For the vast majority
39:57of the soldiers,
39:58if they get help
39:59for their problems,
40:00they'll get better
40:01and go back to work.
40:02Tighten up the muscles
40:03in your forehead.
40:05There's an interesting
40:06phenomenon that's occurring
40:08right now
40:08as this war goes on
40:10and on and on.
40:11There is a concern
40:12of maintaining
40:13a ready force
40:14and there is a concern
40:15that, you know,
40:17they don't,
40:18they don't really want
40:19to hear that,
40:20that the people
40:21they're responsible
40:21for might be having,
40:24quote, PTSD.
40:25They don't get PTSD.
40:27Fred Gussman
40:28was in the Air Force
40:29during the Vietnam War
40:30and is now a director
40:32of the National Center
40:33for PTSD.
40:35But the other side
40:36of that reality
40:37is that the two
40:38different communities,
40:39the mental health people
40:41and the line company people,
40:42the people actually
40:43are in battle,
40:44have never really
40:45had an opportunity
40:46to really work
40:47closely together.
40:48It's usually when somebody
40:49is severely wounded,
40:50they go to the rear
40:50and that's it.
40:51You don't see them,
40:52you know, they're removed.
40:54I think the closer
40:55that we can work together,
40:57the combat leadership,
40:59the arms people
41:00and the medical people,
41:02the more we're going
41:03to improve the care
41:04and the resiliency
41:05and the ability
41:06to keep a force together.
41:07to keep a force together.
41:11Few major studies
41:12have been completed
41:13on the consequences
41:14of redeploying soldiers
41:16who are known
41:17to have experienced PTSD,
41:19but some in the mental health
41:20community are concerned.
41:23Redeploying someone
41:25who is already injured
41:27could make the injuries worse.
41:30Trauma seems to be cumulative
41:32rather than people
41:33getting stronger
41:34as a result of prior trauma.
41:36A woman who has been raped once
41:39and is carrying psychological injuries
41:42as a result
41:42is not going to just shrug off
41:46being raped again.
41:48I don't think that it's good for them,
41:50but I don't think that's the point.
41:51I think that combat,
41:54that the job that we ask
41:56our soldiers and Marines to do
41:57and sailors and airmen to do
42:00is risky
42:01and that they understand that risk.
42:06they're willing to accept that risk.
42:08It's our job
42:09to minimize that risk
42:10and to be ready
42:12to take care of their problems
42:13whenever they come back.
42:19Danielle D. Shumway.
42:22On June 5, 2004,
42:24Jeff Lucy attended
42:26his sister's college graduation.
42:29Drinking more than ever now,
42:31Jeff arrived at the ceremony drunk.
42:32He was so impaired.
42:35He could barely walk.
42:37They were assisting him.
42:38We saw him coming
42:39and we went,
42:40oh my God.
42:42The fear,
42:43your heart,
42:44everything just goes,
42:45oh God,
42:45Jeff is,
42:46look at him.
42:54Home from Iraq
42:55for 11 months,
42:56Jeff's depression
42:57had grown steadily worse.
42:58Neither his girlfriend Julie
43:01nor his family
43:02had been able to convince him
43:04to return to the VA for help.
43:07And eventually,
43:08his increased drinking
43:09had taken its toll
43:10on his relationship.
43:12Things had gotten
43:13very difficult
43:15between me and Jeff.
43:17I was really upset
43:19and frustrated.
43:21We were kind of taking
43:24some space
43:25because it was,
43:27it was hard for me.
43:31Having been with Julie
43:32since high school,
43:33his parents say
43:34Jeff took the separation hard.
43:37He isolated himself
43:39in his room
43:39and began to talk
43:41of hearing voices
43:42and hallucinating.
43:44He felt hands on them
43:46that night.
43:47He saw faceless
43:49these old people.
43:52He saw a fox's head
43:54walking behind him.
43:58Jeff spoke more often
44:00of his time in Iraq,
44:02seeing body parts,
44:03dead Iraqis,
44:05maimed children.
44:08He told his family stories
44:09that now don't appear
44:11to be true,
44:12tales of burying
44:13dead bodies
44:14and being ordered
44:15to kill Iraqi prisoners,
44:17stories that his fellow
44:18marines who were
44:19with him in Iraq
44:20say never could have
44:21happened.
44:24We saw the pain,
44:26we saw the turmoil,
44:27we saw the torment,
44:28but we always thought
44:29that somehow,
44:31be it Julie,
44:31be it his love for us,
44:33be it anything,
44:35he would always find
44:35refuge in something.
44:39We never knew
44:40how deep the despair
44:41can be.
44:43We never knew
44:44how tormented he was.
44:46it was about 6.45
44:54in the evening.
44:56When I drove
44:56into the driveway,
44:57I saw the TV
44:58on through the picture
44:59window,
45:00and I made a remark
45:01that, you know,
45:02Jeff must be smoke
45:03on the floor again,
45:04resting on the beanbag.
45:05so I got out
45:08of the car,
45:09came in.
45:10Jeff wasn't there,
45:11so I went to his room,
45:12and I looked in his room,
45:14he wasn't there.
45:16I went back
45:17through the addition,
45:18I happened to see
45:18the cellar door open.
45:21And then,
45:22from the corner
45:24of my eye,
45:25I saw him.
45:32He was hanging
45:33from the garden hose,
45:38and I rushed over
45:43to him right away.
45:44I looked at him
45:48for the first time
45:51in months.
45:52He looked so peaceful.
45:55He was in total rest.
45:58He didn't show
45:59any distress.
46:02I don't know
46:03if I screamed
46:04or howled.
46:05I don't.
46:06I was calling his name.
46:07I know that.
46:09I was rubbing
46:10a piece of flesh
46:13that I thought
46:13was warm.
46:14But I knew
46:17he was gone.
46:30Many of the men
46:31from Jeff's unit
46:32attended his funeral.
46:35The Marines
46:36who had served
46:36with him were stunned.
46:38None had seen it coming.
46:43Jeffrey had felt alone.
46:44You know,
46:47and you see
46:47all these people
46:48and you say,
46:49you weren't alone.
46:51But he didn't know it.
46:57I wish that
46:58Jeff would have
46:59talked to me.
47:00I wish that I would have
47:01gotten some kind of hint,
47:03some kind of clue,
47:04some phrase
47:05or some sentence
47:06that would have
47:07set off a red flag.
47:08I would have done
47:11everything
47:11within my power
47:13and I would have
47:14pushed for everything
47:16to be done
47:17within my superior's power
47:18to help Jeff out.
47:21Whether he wanted it or not.
47:27A Marine asking for help
47:29is pretty rare.
47:30Being willing to get help,
47:32that's almost admitting
47:33that you're failing.
47:34That you can't do it
47:35by yourself.
47:36You need somebody else
47:36to help you.
47:38I think
47:39just being
47:40the way that we are,
47:41he didn't really
47:42want to ask for help.
47:44And I almost,
47:45I almost feel guilty
47:47sometimes
47:47because
47:47I felt like
47:49I should have
47:49picked up
47:49on some of the signals.
47:50We don't win wars
48:08by people
48:09being overwhelmed
48:10by the stress
48:11of combat.
48:13We don't win wars
48:15by people
48:16having a hard time
48:17killing other people.
48:18The military's purpose
48:20is to win wars.
48:23So someone
48:24who is suffering
48:25is not a big help
48:27to the military.
48:28And they know that.
48:30And you're surrounded
48:31by your buddies.
48:33And we're all
48:33in this together
48:34and we're all going to
48:35fight to the bitter end.
48:37Who am I to say,
48:38I don't think
48:39I can do this today.
48:40I don't think
48:41I can go out there.
48:42I don't,
48:43I want to go home.
48:44I can't stand it.
48:45I think I'll go
48:46look for some help.
48:47That doesn't fit
48:48when everybody else
48:48is charged up
48:49to do what
48:50we're supposed to do.
48:54It's not just
48:55a matter of
48:55issuing an order
48:56and saying
48:57there will be
48:57no more stigma.
48:58You don't change
48:59the culture
49:00of an organization
49:01that quickly.
49:03It's an ongoing process
49:05and you've got to
49:05keep doing it.
49:08If we do that
49:09long enough,
49:10then eventually
49:11the message
49:12will get through
49:12that it's not
49:14a matter of weakness.
49:15It's not a matter
49:16of being weird
49:17because you have
49:18emotions
49:19and you need
49:20to talk about them.
49:24In January 2005,
49:27the Department of Defense
49:28announced plans
49:29for a new
49:30mental health
49:30screening requirement.
49:32In addition to
49:33screening all
49:33service members
49:34immediately upon
49:35their return,
49:36they will now
49:37require a follow-up
49:38three to six months
49:39later in case
49:40these problems
49:40have emerged.
49:43A senior DOD
49:44official said
49:45in announcing
49:45the program,
49:47we've learned
49:47there is a concern
49:48or stigma
49:49about coming in
49:50for this.
49:51One of the ways
49:52we think we can
49:52get at that
49:53is to require
49:54this to everybody.
49:57The military
49:58is making progress
49:59but it's
50:00an incremental
50:01process.
50:03People talk
50:04about the military
50:04as though they
50:05were a monolithic
50:05entity
50:06when the truth
50:07is the Marines
50:08will go one way,
50:09the Army
50:10will go another
50:10way,
50:11one division
50:11does this
50:12and another
50:12division doesn't,
50:13one commander
50:14will institute
50:15something,
50:15the next commander
50:16will stop it.
50:17We think of the
50:18military as this
50:19great monolithic
50:20entity marching
50:20through history.
50:22In reality,
50:22what they are
50:23is a million
50:25different people,
50:26all of them
50:27taken two steps
50:28forward and one
50:28step back
50:29at any one time.
50:35More than
50:36one million men
50:37and women have
50:37served in Iraq
50:38and Afghanistan.
50:40A study commissioned
50:42by the Army
50:42of troops
50:43who had returned
50:44from Iraq
50:44found that
50:45one in six
50:46was suffering
50:47from symptoms
50:47of anxiety,
50:49depression
50:49or PTSD.
50:55Already,
50:56the war
50:56has brought
50:57an increase
50:57in demand
50:58for mental health
50:59care from the VA
51:00and some inside
51:02the VA fear
51:02funding from Congress
51:04will not keep pace.
51:05you hear a lot
51:07of talking about
51:08re-engineering
51:09mental health services.
51:10We're going to
51:10right-size.
51:11We're going to
51:12only do what we
51:13have to do
51:14to get the job done.
51:16Well, you know,
51:17when they tell us
51:18it's time to re-engineer,
51:19that's just another way
51:20of saying you're going
51:20to get screwed.
51:21The real danger
51:27for the men
51:28and women returning
51:28is that they could
51:30be forgotten.
51:31It's not about
51:32parades.
51:33It's not about
51:34monuments,
51:35because those things
51:37get acknowledged
51:37for a day,
51:38a week,
51:38or whatever.
51:41It's just a matter
51:42of getting people
51:43to not forget
51:45that these people
51:46are putting their
51:48life in harm's way
51:49and they're going
51:50through hell.
51:51And just because
51:52it's not on CNN
51:53every night,
51:54that we shouldn't
51:55assume some
51:56responsibility,
51:57not for the war,
51:58but responsibility
51:59to take care
52:00of our own people.
52:10Nearly a month
52:11after the initial
52:12indictment of
52:13cowardly conduct
52:14was filed,
52:15the Army reduced
52:15its charge
52:16against Andrew Pagani
52:17to willful
52:18dereliction of duty.
52:20After Andrew fought
52:21to clear his name
52:22for nearly a year,
52:23the Army dropped
52:24all charges.
52:26But Andrew says
52:26he's still battling
52:27to clear his
52:28military record.
52:34Having fulfilled
52:35his military contract,
52:37Rob Serra tried
52:38to re-enlist.
52:40Rob says the Marines
52:41told him he would
52:42have to return
52:42to Iraq,
52:43and when he refused,
52:45his request was denied.
52:46He has now returned
52:48to civilian life
52:49and is part of a group
52:51called Iraq Veterans
52:52Against the War.
52:56With the 10-week
52:57Marine support group
52:58completed,
52:59Jacob Martin
53:00is being redeployed
53:01to Iraq.
53:03While the Marines
53:04have not yet released
53:04his departure date,
53:06Jacob expects to be sent
53:07within the month.
53:08in the month.
53:09The Marine Corps
53:10was in the month.
53:10Purple Dexter,
53:11Harlick,
53:12Gisman.
53:14In January 2005,
53:15six months after
53:16Jeff Lucy's suicide,
53:18his Marine Reserve
53:19unit was reactivated.
53:21They were dispatched
53:25to Camp Lejeune
53:26in North Carolina.
53:29One month later,
53:30they were redeployed
53:31to Iraq.
53:31Cruz,
53:33G,
53:34Blaine,
53:35Bell,
53:36St. Pierre,
53:38Dikorski,
53:39Merrickson,
53:41Davidson,
53:42Dikorski,
53:42Dikorski,
53:43Dikorski,
53:44Dikorski,
53:45Dikorski,
53:46Dikorski,
53:48Dikorski,
53:49Dikorski,
53:51Dikorski.
53:59Next time on
54:00Frontline,
54:00he grew up
54:01with bin Laden's
54:02children.
54:02Three times,
54:03my father himself
54:04tried to get me
54:05to become a
54:05suicide person.
54:06But Cutter
54:07was different.
54:07I don't believe
54:08in blowing myself up,
54:10killing innocent people.
54:11Frontline tells
54:12the inside story
54:13of a young man
54:13who was groomed
54:14to be a terrorist,
54:15but became instead
54:16a CIA informant.
54:18My dad told me,
54:19if you ever sell out
54:20on us,
54:20I would be the one to kill you.
54:22Son of Al-Qaeda, next time on Frontline.
54:33To order Frontline's The Soldier's Heart on videocassette or DVD,
54:37call PBS Home Video at 1-800-PLAY-PBS.
54:50The Soldier's Heart on videocassette or DVD,
55:00might be the one to kill your feeling if you could,
55:04the one to kill your feelings.
55:08The Soldier's Heart on videocassette or DVD it and a multiple to kill your feelings.
55:12In the end, the drop-down, the drop-down.
Recommended
56:05
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