- yesterday
An Uber mix-up leads to a wild night ride through London, as a high Polish guy and a Pakistani get high and accidentally steal a Van Gogh painting.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00The t-shirt, babes, you've just got to listen to man, innit?
00:10You're parked on a double red, son. Best we can.
00:14Shut up, bruv. Can't you see man's in the vault?
00:17Are you telling me?
00:19The t-shirt, babes, you've just got to listen to man, innit?
00:23You're parked on a double red, son. Best we can.
00:26Shut up, bruv. Can't you see man's in the vault?
00:29Are you telling me to shut up, Anwar?
00:32Listen, babes, your girl is chatting shit. I swear man's not until they're in it.
00:36You sent her a dick pic, you fucking fuckboy.
00:38No, no, what do you mean I sent her a dick pic?
00:40Why don't you pull out your phone and check your WhatsApp?
00:46No, no, I mean, come on, babes. You know man's bigger than that.
00:49That's not even my piece, I swear. You know man's got that python down there.
00:52Don't even try calling my phone ever fucking again, Anwar.
00:55Come on, just listen to me, Leticia.
00:56So if you want to come and speak to me, you know where to find me.
00:58Goodbye.
00:59Hello?
01:02Oh fuck!
01:28Yeah, where the fuck are you?
01:30Are you Anwar?
01:31Yeah.
01:32We can go. Can you go through the Piccadilly Circus?
01:36I want to see the lights and everything, man. It's going to be so beautiful right now.
01:39Bruh, what the fuck do you think this is?
01:41You are Anwar. Yeah, I already paid. Look.
01:47Does man look like a fucking Uber driver to you, Maggi? Get the fuck out of my car, you muck.
01:51Wow. But I already paid.
01:54Exit the vehicle now. Man ain't playing, you know.
01:56But I'm going to be late for the party, man. The girls and everything.
01:59Get out, bro.
02:01Go.
02:02Move.
02:03Move.
02:05Move.
02:09K***a Mach.
02:10I'm a $1.
02:14New boots for 200.
02:15K***a.
02:19How can I show you somewhere where?
02:21This is the voicemail service for
02:25Shit! Listen!
02:27You people don't know how to drink in this country!
02:34KULVER!
02:51We're gonna be girls, yeah?
02:53Yeah. Lots of girls.
02:57Alright, my brother. Jump in.
03:00We're going to this party.
03:10What's going on, OG?
03:12Listen, whatever you need, I got you.
03:15I'm the plaque. I'll get you to the best clubs in London.
03:18You wanna know which crypto is blowing up next week?
03:20I'm your guy.
03:21You wanna party with Billie Eilish?
03:25That's not gonna be easy.
03:26But I used to party with her manager.
03:28Anyway.
03:29My guy, Tekashi 6ix9ine, finally dropped a new banger.
03:32Let me play it for you.
03:33Yo, yo, yo, my G. Hold up a second, okay?
03:35Firstly, sanitize your hands.
03:37Secondly, don't be messing with man's spot if I like that.
03:40In fact, you don't touch anything in man's car.
03:42You get me?
03:43Wow.
03:48Wow.
03:50Hey, give me that shit.
03:52I'm gonna need some too.
03:54Ew.
04:00Dude.
04:07But man, Satoshi Nakamoto...
04:11...or whatever they call the inventor of crypto.
04:14There's no way humans invented Bitcoin.
04:16humans invented Bitcoin. It's been written by an advanced AI on quantum computers and
04:20sent from the future to revolutionize our financial systems.
04:23What the fuck is up with this joint? It's feeling a bit funky, you know.
04:27Don't worry about it, it's been sprinkled with DMT. But listen, cryptocurrencies, Uber
04:31Eats, DeFi, CeFi, Pornhub, OnlyFans, these are all just small steps in turning us from
04:38animals into fucking gods.
04:41Dime, ethyptomene. Bro, have I done that shit before?
04:44Wow! And why? I didn't know you knew about the spirit molecule.
04:49For me it's like being on a fucking zoo call with all the gods that ever existed.
04:55But, you know, it's not like a regular zoo. This is a premium zoo. It goes for more than
04:5940. Holy shit, man! You smoke too much, man! You smoke too much!
05:04Stop the fucking motor, boys! Stop the fucking motor right now!
05:10I am not kidding about you! You think I'm joking, mate? Here we go. It's a pleasure
05:14to meet you both. But you two are gonna need to keep it fucking zipped, alright? And get
05:19this motor moving. I am not joking.
05:22Hey, Anwar.
05:23This guy seems kind of cool. Let's take him with us. Yeah, G. His brother's wavy. I can
05:35feel it in his aura. It's like he must have been a flamingo in his previous life.
05:39What the fuck are you talking about, mate? Get this car moving. Right now. Pronto.
05:44Possibly a strawberry.
05:46Don't fuck with me, mate!
05:48Yo, are you Tony Montana?
05:50Okay. You want me to say hello to your little friend, eh?
05:54It's a good accent.
05:55Hello!
05:56Put the can down, son.
05:58You think I'm fucking joking, mate, do you? It's good vibes in here.
06:03I said, do you think I'm fucking joking here, mate? It doesn't look like it, does it? You
06:09two, get this car moving or I'll blow your fucking heads up.
06:12Yo, my G. Relax, okay? It's all good. Try a little bit of this.
06:19Man, AI is gonna change everything. It goes even deeper than a black hole. You saw that
06:31Will Smith movie?
06:32Yeah.
06:33Yeah. It's already happening. They just don't want you to know.
06:37Yeah, G. It's true. Like, I heard they're gonna hook up everything to the internet. Like
06:42your kettle, your fridge, like deep that, bruv. Your fridge.
06:46Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's... What's in that joint?
06:53Oh, nothing, bruv. It just sprinkled a DMT. But like, yo, society's so messed up, man.
06:58Like, if you're hungry, you click. You want sex, you click. You want someone to come give
07:05your dog a haircut, you click. It's like click, click, click. Like, I'm getting tired of all
07:10this shit, man.
07:11DMT? What is that? I've never taken DMT before.
07:14Yeah, me neither. It's magical, innit?
07:17No, boys. Boys, I... I need the breather. You're gonna need to stop the car for a second.
07:22Just... Just stop the car, mate. Just stop the car now.
07:29Just stop the car.
07:31What?
07:32Just stop the car.
07:34What?
07:35What?
07:36What?
07:37something is chasing us might be a
07:59demogorgon I'm happy it's all moving into
08:21the blockchain including money every time I get pissed I'm losing cash the whole
08:28of society is moving into the fucking iCloud in a few years I'll be in London
08:34you'll be in New York and we'll be chilling with other friends in the pub
08:38somewhere in the metaverse yeah
08:43fuck I'm getting sober
08:52holy shit Anwar stop the car oh my days
09:01Anwar yes I'm Anwar I am a driver I have five-star rating and you get in we go
09:18anywhere you want to go okay please fasten seatbelt
09:22hey what are you looking at are you lot of butters anyway
09:27come on girls squeeze in and we'll be
09:31you've got to get us to the club before free entry closes okay please
09:35like it's important that I don't pay for shit water tonight
09:37no we don't pay for anything
09:38oh my baby
09:40you're not dead anyway
09:41fuck
09:43dead
09:44yeah okay fine but these conspiracies
10:14beliefs are based around public health issues like for instance
10:17schizophrenia right schizophrenia is like you don't believe reality like that's
10:23psychosis like it affects the way you think things through exactly and it affects
10:27your behavior so basically what I'm saying is you both got issues
10:32concerns like a lot if you need to resolve your behavior so beoluble
10:39all I don't have to worry about watch it
11:12What's a dip?
11:23Seven years at primary school, five years at secondary school, two years at fucking sixth form, and three years at uni.
11:30You must be smoking good. The best shit.
11:34You've probably been rolling up since you was like, I don't know, five years old.
11:38Hey, hey, hey, I told you I need them items sorted by the end of play yesterday.
11:43Yo, bro, I'm doing my best, okay? I'm driving as fast as I can. Relax, G.
11:4627K in debt.
11:48What's wrong with this guy?
11:49Out here saving man's lives, and they have the audacity.
11:53I'm a never smoking I'm on life.
11:55The audacity to pay me like a knobhead.
11:58I have to stay fit for the Jamaica Box League team, you understand?
12:01I don't care, Susie.
12:05I'm going to have to sing it to you because it ain't getting into your thick skull.
12:07The NHS is broken.
12:09The Tories are wankers, and Boris is a fucking twat.
12:14Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck?
12:16No way.
12:17You must be that guy from Cool Runnings.
12:20Rav, are you a moron?
12:21It's a movie. It's not real, innit?
12:24I need them KPIs by yesterday.
12:26Hey, bro, if you want KP nuts, man, we can pull over at our fucking corner shop, man.
12:29Jeez, what if I blood clot this way, why a chatbot?
12:33Oh, you got any weed?
12:34Shut up. Shut up.
12:36All right, so what are you like, a doctor?
12:38Uh, so what are you, like a dickhead?
12:42What is wrong with this guy?
12:43Did you say KP nuts?
12:45Did you say...
12:46Hey, the lemon jacket guy.
12:48Did you say KP nuts?
12:49All right.
12:50Sure.
12:52Come here, as in...
12:53Hey, uh...
12:54Who misses their daddies, huh?
12:59So, are you seeing anyone?
13:11It's complicated.
13:14Let's make it simpler.
13:16What are you doing on Wednesday?
13:19Wednesday, I have the kids for the night after the show.
13:24What about Thursday?
13:25Thursday.
13:25Thursday.
13:25Thursday.
13:29Thursday.
13:30Thursday.
13:31Yeah, where's this party at, man?
13:56Might have to slow it down.
13:58Think I missed a turn, G?
14:01Anwar, I think the car is parked.
14:07And I think you hit something.
14:09Swear it down.
14:11Shit, man, my grandma's gonna kill me.
14:14Your grandma? You said it was your car.
14:17Man, what is she like, 89, bruv?
14:20What's she got, like, another five, ten years, Max?
14:23Whose cars are gonna be after that?
14:25It's ain't no more, innit?
14:27Shit! Duck down! It's the feds!
14:32It's okay, boys.
14:33Hey, Anwar. Look. Jeff Bezos.
14:49Jeff Bezos.
14:50Jeff Bezos.
14:54Jeff Bezos.
14:55Jeff Bezos.
14:57And have your ID.
14:59What? You mean, my Prime Membership card?
15:04God!
15:05Jeff!
15:06Jeff!
15:07Jeff!
15:09And have your ID.
15:13What? You mean...
15:17My Prime Membership?
15:25Jeff!
15:29Step out of the vehicle. Both of you.
15:33Oh, Jeff's on a power trip.
15:39Do you think he's gonna get us some money?
15:43Okay, okay.
15:45How does it feel, being the richest person in the world?
15:47Yeah, Jeff.
15:49You got all the peas in the world, yeah.
15:51But your wifey still went for DiCaprio.
16:01IDs. Now.
16:09This isn't an authority card.
16:15Holy shit, you got free whole chicken.
16:17Hey, also Jeff, this police job must be like a sad hustle for you, innit?
16:21I'm gonna show you.
16:29Exactly.
16:31What kind of hustle this is.
16:35Oh, shit.
16:37What the fuck?
16:43Hey, I-I-I-
16:44Stop talking, bro.
16:46Don't do it.
16:56Where's this party at anyway, man?
16:58We're there or what?
16:59Yeah.
17:00Yeah.
17:01Yeah, yeah.
17:02It-It's just around the corner.
17:12You ready for this?
17:18Nah.
17:19You know what, bro?
17:21I-I just realised.
17:25I don't need this, man.
17:34I've got the most amazing girl waiting for me back in Enns.
17:37And I can't believe I allowed all my shitty insecurities to, like, get between us and just fuck it all up, man.
17:47I fully disrespected her, man.
17:50And that ain't how my grandma raised me.
17:54I'm sorry, bruv.
17:55You know what?
17:56I-I ain't going to this party, man.
17:57I'm going home to my Letitia.
18:06You're right, bro.
18:12Let's go.
18:14Bruv, are you dumb?
18:16You are not coming.
18:20Man.
18:21Man.
18:24I-I just hate being alone.
18:27This guy.
18:31Bruv, why are you always so extra, fam?
18:34Man, you don't get it.
18:40It's hard.
18:42It's hard.
18:46Hard to connect with anyone.
18:49In this city.
18:52You know.
18:56I go to all these parties.
18:59And I meet all these people.
19:02They follow me.
19:04And I follow them.
19:07So what?
19:12When I really think about it, man.
19:16I don't know anyone.
19:21Man.
19:22I put my landlord's details as my next of kin.
19:41Bro.
19:42I shouldn't be telling you all that shit.
19:45Screw this party, man.
19:47I'll get off here.
19:48Forget a noob.
19:51Where you going, fam?
19:55You're already a noob.
19:56What?
19:57Tweek.
20:02Don't worry.
20:04It's worse than it.
20:06How are you?
20:08I'm now too.
20:10That's what I'm here.
20:12You won't get off here.
20:14You'll always just go down there.
20:16You won't get off here.
20:18You won't get off here.
20:19Noob.
20:20Hey, you got some Tory Lanez?
20:39Police are still on the hunt for the infamous Sunflower painting by the legendary artist
20:47Vincent van Gogh, currently valued at over 200 million US dollars, which was discovered
20:52missing today from the National Gallery, Room 43, at 11.52pm.
20:57Reports suggest...
20:58200 million dollars.
21:00Bra, brother.
21:03We ain't ever seen them kind of peas.
21:05Ever.
21:06That's a lot of peas.
21:07Yo, I just realized, man don't even know your name, fam.
21:13Janus.
21:15Janus.
21:16What kind of name is that, G?
21:46Do you want to know your name?
21:51No.
21:52Do you want to know your name?
21:54Yes.
21:55Let's go.
21:56Go, go.
21:57I hope you enjoyed joining us.
21:59I would love to hear that.
22:01You guys are doing good.
22:02I just talked about it.
22:04I can't believe that they are going to be good.
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