- today
“Electric Love” (2018) is an indie romantic comedy set in modern‑day Los Angeles. The film interweaves the stories of four couples navigating the world of app-based dating (Tinder, Grindr, Bumble), exploring diverse relationships including straight, gay, bisexual, polyamorous, and monogamous connections. With a light, witty tone, it captures the awkwardness, hope, and heartbreak of finding love in the digital age.
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FunTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:23We've never met in fact, I'm not even sure you exist. So why am I talking to you? Maybe you're hot
00:00:28Maybe I'm trying to grow my Instagram followers
00:00:30Maybe I just need validation that I'm a good guy and that my soulmate is still out there
00:00:34Whatever the reason just hold off on your judgment till the end. Who knows? Maybe I'll blow your mind. So where do I start?
00:00:39Um, I wish I could say it began with a swipe, but if I'm being real it began when I saw Edward Scissorhands for the first time
00:00:45Something about Winona Ryder and Johnny Depp just role-playing Tim Burton's wet dream really spoke to me
00:00:52I've been chasing that romance ever since. Honestly, it's exhausting. So why even try?
00:00:56Well, despite the fact that my cynicism grows like tensions with North Korea
00:01:00Hope hope that my person is still out there
00:01:02Don't lose hope just because you're almost 30 and you haven't met someone you feel comfortable farting around
00:01:26Pardon me, sir
00:01:32Are you the handsome gentleman I came upon in my cellular device?
00:01:38You are so good looking. I just had to talk to you
00:01:41I ain't never done this before, so could we take it real slow?
00:01:47Okay, just be a normal human for five seconds
00:01:50Okay
00:01:52Hmm
00:01:53Hi, um, this is Emma Warren and it is Friday, uh, December 3rd at approximately 4 p.m.
00:02:03If I get raped and serial killed, it was probably William from Tinder
00:02:08Whose last name is, I don't know, um, but you can find it in my phone under
00:02:14Hey, hey!
00:02:19Hey!
00:02:21Are you writing me a ticket?
00:02:23Your meter's expired
00:02:24I was sitting in the car
00:02:26Yeah, see you in there putting on makeup, but this isn't a green room
00:02:28Are you serious? $68?
00:02:34Have a good day, miss
00:02:35No, this, this is ridiculous. What is your name?
00:02:38My name is on the ticket
00:02:39Okay, you know what, I know this is, you need to fill your little quota or whatever, but this is insane, this is so backwards
00:02:43It's actually very straightforward
00:02:45God, why does every meter maid have to be such an asshole?
00:02:48You know, I'd leave my job out of this, and you're the one that's not being very nice right now
00:02:53All right, how about this?
00:02:55How's that for nice?
00:02:57Boom, yeah
00:02:58Just don't even need money, ma'am
00:02:59I could do this all day
00:03:01Not nice, he says
00:03:02I'm just, I'm so nice
00:03:03Well, maybe if you put some money in your meter, you wouldn't have got a ticket
00:03:06Listen, it doesn't matter if you're in the car, on the car, listening to the car, putting makeup on the car, or putting makeup on you
00:03:12You gotta put money in the meter
00:03:13Get some help
00:03:14William?
00:03:33Emma?
00:03:34Hi
00:03:35Hey
00:03:36Sorry, I was busy, uh, fighting the man, so
00:03:39I thought this place was a cafe
00:03:42Oh, yeah, it's a cafe style, so you can order food at the bar, and then, you know, they'll serve it to you
00:03:47Hey, could I get another one?
00:03:50So, uh, what do you, uh, what do you want here?
00:03:54Like, from this date, or?
00:03:56Or
00:03:57Oh, food
00:03:58Yeah, or drinks
00:03:59Oh, can I have a food menu, please?
00:04:01Thank you
00:04:03You look good
00:04:09Thank you
00:04:10Yeah, I was worried, because your face is blocked in most of your photos
00:04:13Really?
00:04:14Yeah, they're all in, like, super dark settings, or from really far away, so it's kind of tough to, like, make out your face
00:04:21Hmm, why did you swipe, then?
00:04:25Because I swipe on everyone
00:04:26Oh
00:04:26Yeah, just because you match doesn't mean you have to conversate
00:04:29Okay, then why are we conversing?
00:04:33You seem fun
00:04:34You know what? My roommate would love you
00:04:37Oh, yeah?
00:04:38Yeah, I get a very polyamorous vibe from you
00:04:41Like a Mormon?
00:04:42What's that?
00:04:46Oh, it's blue curacao
00:04:47Isn't that a liqueur?
00:04:48Yeah, I only drink liquor
00:04:49Excuse me, can I have a, um, uh, the roasted roasted sprouts and the sweet potato fries?
00:04:57Only normal
00:04:58What?
00:04:58Only normal fry
00:04:59Okay
00:05:00So, um, what was the last thing you were in?
00:05:11You mean, like, on Tinder?
00:05:12No, I mean, like, a TV show or something
00:05:16I deliver weed
00:05:17I thought you said you were an actor
00:05:18Oh, sometimes
00:05:20Mostly I deliver weed
00:05:22Oh, business must be booming
00:05:24What?
00:05:26Takes longer to microwave leftovers
00:05:28What is, uh, the most adventurous thing you've ever done?
00:05:35What?
00:05:36Tell me, like, what the most adventurous thing is you've ever done
00:05:39Oh, God, uh, my friends invited me skydiving once
00:05:43But I chickened out
00:05:44What about you?
00:05:46What?
00:05:47Dev, hey, hey
00:05:48Um, oh, nice to meet you
00:05:52You smell, uh, delightful
00:05:53Oh, thank you
00:05:54Uh, yeah, can I get you a drink?
00:05:56You seem like an Aperol spritz kind of gal
00:05:59Oh, yeah?
00:05:59Yeah
00:06:00Okay, sounds refreshing
00:06:01It amazes me how few people will even entertain the idea
00:06:04I mean, when an open relationship falls apart
00:06:07Everyone's quick to blame the open relationship
00:06:09Right, right
00:06:09But when a completely monogamous relationship falls apart
00:06:11Nobody even thinks to blame the monogamy
00:06:13Yeah, that's a really good point
00:06:14If a relationship's gonna fall apart
00:06:16It's because of the people in it
00:06:17Not the classification
00:06:18But just to be clear, you have a boyfriend?
00:06:21Yeah, he's a small dog trainer
00:06:23Your boyfriend is small or he trains small dogs?
00:06:26Both
00:06:27What about you?
00:06:30Uh, you know, I'm just looking to connect with somebody
00:06:32The apps are great for that
00:06:34But unless your equation adds up perfectly
00:06:36Your job plus your height divided by distance
00:06:38Then that's just an instant swipe to the next
00:06:39You think that's how girls use Tinder?
00:06:41What?
00:06:42That mostly only girls care about height?
00:06:44I mean, yeah, I guess
00:06:45What's your perfect equation then?
00:06:47I just know that I want to meet somebody that I like
00:06:49You know?
00:06:50Ever since I was in high school
00:06:51I've just wanted to be in a relationship
00:06:53But the type of person I'm looking for
00:06:55Hopefully I'm just taken by surprise
00:06:57What does that mean?
00:06:58Well, it's like ruining the end of a movie
00:07:00You know?
00:07:01If you already know what type of person you want
00:07:03Then it's not much of a surprise when you get it
00:07:05Get what?
00:07:06What I think I want, you know?
00:07:07A happy ending
00:07:08Not like a happy ending
00:07:11But, you know, a happy ending like in a movie
00:07:14Just don't say get it
00:07:15You sound possessive
00:07:17So, is this where you take all your Tinder dates?
00:07:20No, sometimes we sit over there
00:07:21Well, I don't like this place
00:07:24Well, we can go to the bar down the road
00:07:27It's lunch themed
00:07:28Are you driving?
00:07:30Yeah, sure
00:07:30I validate
00:07:31I can, yeah
00:07:32Can I see your ID?
00:07:33What?
00:07:34I'm getting into a stranger's car
00:07:35I need to take a picture of your ID
00:07:36And text it to a friend
00:07:37Just in case
00:07:37In case I kill you?
00:07:39Yeah, it's gonna make you feel safe
00:07:43Hey
00:07:53I had the waitress get another round
00:07:55Oh, nice
00:07:56It's a really cool place
00:07:59Yeah
00:07:59Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:08:00These, um, these walls are actually imported from the French Quarter
00:08:06New Orleans
00:08:07It's in New Orleans
00:08:08I dig it
00:08:09It's like we're outside
00:08:11We're actually inside
00:08:12I have a suite at the Chateau right now
00:08:14Smooth transition
00:08:15Well, actually it's a downgrade
00:08:18I, uh, I was at the Montreal last night
00:08:21But
00:08:21Yeah, so what is it that you do?
00:08:23You invest?
00:08:26No, no
00:08:28I, um, I buy and sell walls, actually
00:08:30Walls?
00:08:31Yeah
00:08:31Like, like these?
00:08:33Yeah, par exemple
00:08:34These walls actually came from, uh, a building in Bourbon Street
00:08:39And, uh, thank God for Katrina
00:08:42Because that got a stellar deal
00:08:43They were gonna tell that puppy down
00:08:45Oh
00:08:45Yeah, so they're
00:08:46They came in nice and weathered
00:08:48Well, that sounds like a lot of work
00:08:49Yeah, oh yeah
00:08:50It's just never ending
00:08:51I mean, these places are so hot for, like, a mini
00:08:54And then, that's it, you know
00:08:56It's old news
00:08:57I mean, this place maybe has a month left in it
00:09:00Really?
00:09:00I thought this place, like, just opened
00:09:02Yeah, I actually have my, my heart set on this wall in Beijing
00:09:06China
00:09:07Yeah
00:09:08Yeah
00:09:08You, um
00:09:11Photography
00:09:14You're trying to be a photographer?
00:09:18Yeah
00:09:18Yeah
00:09:18Yeah
00:09:19Go ahead, no, yeah, go ahead
00:09:20I've only had, like, one legit photography gig my whole life
00:09:24And it ended with Selma Hayek throwing a shoe at me
00:09:26So, my ex knows Selma
00:09:30They know each other
00:09:32Yeah
00:09:32Talk about her all the time
00:09:33She says, Selma
00:09:35Yeah?
00:09:36Yeah
00:09:36That's cool
00:09:37Yeah
00:09:37For her
00:09:38Yeah
00:09:38Um, she's great
00:09:40I just mean, um
00:09:41I was saying that
00:09:42I show up to this
00:09:44This behind-the-scenes shoot
00:09:45And the host hands me his phone
00:09:47To get some Instagram pictures
00:09:48Which, I mean, I get it
00:09:49It's like
00:09:49Frida in the flesh, you know
00:09:51Um, but anyway
00:09:53Selma's talking about domestic violence
00:09:56And I kid you not
00:09:57His phone goes off
00:09:58With Nirvana's rape me
00:10:00As the ringtone
00:10:01It was
00:10:01So embarrassing
00:10:03I wanted to
00:10:03Crawl into a corner
00:10:05And die
00:10:06Thank you
00:10:09Thank you
00:10:09Thanks
00:10:10I can't wait for you to get to know me
00:10:13I mean, I thought I was doing the nice thing
00:10:17Pretend I was, like, the most disrespectful person in the world
00:10:19Nice building, by the way
00:10:21Nice fountain
00:10:21I had fun tonight
00:10:22Yeah, I did too
00:10:24Yeah
00:10:26Maybe next time we can do something that does involve alcohol
00:10:29Sounds fantastic
00:10:31Yeah
00:10:32Well, goodnight, Lauren
00:10:35Adam
00:10:36On the surface, it looks like just a bunch of people sleeping around
00:10:48But our love is just as legitimate as a monogamous relationship
00:10:51If anything, we just have to communicate more
00:10:54Oh, don't tell me you're a fan of polyamory because it improves communication skills
00:10:58Oh, it's just one of the many cherries on top of a flavor I suggest everyone try
00:11:02But you're not suggesting just one flavor
00:11:04But you're not suggesting just one flavor
00:11:05You're looking to dip your spoon into a bunch of little cartons and have a taste
00:11:08That does sound delicious
00:11:09Well, it doesn't mean you all of a sudden know what goes into making ice cream
00:11:13As Abe Rosen said, you're just a fan of the term polyamory because it's less judgmental than slut
00:11:21Who the hell is Abe Rosen?
00:11:22Oh, I take it you don't read your comments
00:11:23Oh, an internet troll?
00:11:25Well, look, you can judge me all you want for using Tinder or Bumble or any of the apps that actually make dating fun for a change
00:11:33But it's 2018, baby
00:11:35I'm not ashamed of calling myself an empowered slut
00:11:37What's empowering about not being able to commit to one person?
00:11:41Sure, monogamy might be challenging at times, but it's also more rewarding
00:11:45Sorry
00:11:46Ah, ladies and gentlemen, it's my monomate Emma
00:11:50Coming home from another Tinder adventure
00:11:53Emma, tell us, how did it go?
00:11:55For those of you at home who cannot see, she just mimed blowing her brains out
00:12:01Emma, does that mean it was explosive?
00:12:04Now she's rolling her eyes at me as if to say, Charlotte, I too disapprove of your lifestyle
00:12:09More like that's the last time I get a roommate on Craigslist
00:12:12Love you, girl
00:12:13Love you
00:12:14Seriously, how'd it go?
00:12:15No, I don't want to interrupt, I have to leave again anyway
00:12:17No, no, no, no, stay, you two would have a blast
00:12:19Be like the mavens of monogamy versus the polyhouse of pleasure
00:12:23No, someone's complaining about a leak
00:12:25Call a plumber
00:12:25You want to pay for it?
00:12:27Good luck
00:12:27Oh damn
00:12:31Now I'm in the mood for ice cream
00:12:34Hello?
00:12:40Lauren
00:12:40Are you calling me?
00:12:43Should I not have called?
00:12:44It's just weird
00:12:45It's weird that you think it's weird
00:12:47Look, I'm sorry if I was misleading, I'm just not looking for anything serious
00:12:52Why'd you kiss me then?
00:12:54I, it seemed like it would be fun
00:12:57So you don't want to see each other again?
00:13:00Not right now
00:13:01Can I ask why?
00:13:04I'm just not looking for a relationship
00:13:06Not with me, you mean?
00:13:08I feel like a college kid
00:13:09I mean, who wears a t-shirt on a first date?
00:13:13It's kind of hard to take you seriously
00:13:14Okay
00:13:17Good luck
00:13:18Leisure Valley
00:13:28You sound like you were just fired
00:13:29I wish
00:13:30Nobody's here
00:13:31I want to go home
00:13:32Christmas isn't a very popular time to get sick
00:13:34Christmas is the most popular time to get sick
00:13:36Maybe to get sick of your family and not contract a virus
00:13:38Ha
00:13:39Well, when you're done, you want to go out somewhere?
00:13:42I don't know
00:13:42I'm probably just going to go home
00:13:43I have no one else to call
00:13:46I've been up since 5.30
00:13:47I'm super tired
00:13:48And yes, I know I'm being lame
00:13:49You're still seeing that Bumble guy?
00:13:53Ben Franklin?
00:13:54We broke up
00:13:54Is it because his name is Ben Franklin?
00:13:56Because he's super sensitive and I'm a crazy person
00:13:59Did he have founding father issues?
00:14:02Hilarious
00:14:02Well, that sucks
00:14:05I'm sorry
00:14:06Sorry
00:14:07I probably need a break from dating anyway
00:14:08Isn't your birthday come up?
00:14:11The 23rd
00:14:11As in like two weeks?
00:14:13Mm-hmm
00:14:14I feel like I should do something big
00:14:16Steph, why don't you tell me?
00:14:17Let's definitely do something big
00:14:18Actually, don't do anything
00:14:20I'll organize a rager
00:14:21How old are you turning?
00:14:2430?
00:14:25Yeah
00:14:26Okay, alright
00:14:28I'm going to find a massive house in the hills
00:14:30And we will invite all of the people
00:14:33Okay
00:14:33I'll even introduce you to my friend FDR
00:14:36He's an absolute dime
00:14:38Bye
00:14:38I gotta go
00:14:40Bye, Steph
00:14:41Yo
00:14:49Holy shit
00:14:52It's a Christmas miracle
00:14:53What's going on?
00:14:54I'm honestly amazed that you answered
00:14:56Yeah, you're the only person I know that still calls anymore
00:14:58What are you up to?
00:14:59I'm on break
00:15:00Gotta work all night though
00:15:01You're hooking up with someone
00:15:03Why do you always think I'm hooking up with someone?
00:15:05I'd do the same if it were that easy
00:15:06Touché
00:15:07You going home for Christmas?
00:15:09Nah, I gotta work
00:15:10How about you?
00:15:10I'm a Jew
00:15:11I hear Christmas and I think chicken lo mein
00:15:12Oh, thank you
00:15:16Of course
00:15:16You know what, man?
00:15:17I gotta get going
00:15:18The world needs more men like you
00:15:21And Tinder needs more women like you
00:15:23What?
00:15:24Sorry, I was talking to someone else
00:15:25Okay
00:15:26I'll call you back later, yeah?
00:15:27Uh, later
00:15:28Okay
00:15:28Okay
00:15:29Huh?
00:15:43Huh?
00:15:59Hey, where are you doing?
00:16:04So, uh, what's up?
00:16:06I thought we were meeting at your place.
00:16:08No, I told you I can't host.
00:16:10I got a roommate.
00:16:11Well, I'm not really interested in hooking up in your car, dude.
00:16:14You got a room?
00:16:15Yeah, I told you.
00:16:16You got roommates, though, right?
00:16:18I've got one roommate who's come out once in the last year
00:16:21out of his room.
00:16:22Hey, listen, I don't do this kind of shit.
00:16:25I got a girlfriend at home.
00:16:27So, either we just do it in the car or we can go somewhere else.
00:16:30You got a girlfriend?
00:16:31Does she know you're bi?
00:16:33I'm not bi.
00:16:34I'm straight.
00:16:35Right.
00:16:36Well, you're meeting up with a guy from Grindr, so you're not straight.
00:16:39I'm not gay.
00:16:40If that's what you're getting at.
00:16:42I like girls with guys.
00:16:44You know, it's just physical.
00:16:46Call it whatever you want.
00:16:47I just wish you would have told me before.
00:16:49Yeah, I drove up from Pasadena for this,
00:16:51so who gives a shit where we do it?
00:16:53I'm not here to just do it, okay?
00:16:55Especially not the back of your van.
00:16:56We're in the front of a Ford Explorer.
00:16:58Cool.
00:16:59Sorry.
00:17:00This isn't a date, bro.
00:17:02I didn't think it was a date, okay?
00:17:05You know what?
00:17:06I'm just gonna...
00:17:07Can you let me out, please?
00:17:08Then what were you expecting?
00:17:09I don't know.
00:17:10Just not this.
00:17:11Can you let me out?
00:17:12For real?
00:17:13Yeah.
00:17:14I think you and I are looking for different things, okay?
00:17:17Yeah.
00:17:18Whatever.
00:17:19Asshole.
00:17:20Asshole.
00:17:21Asshole.
00:17:22Please.
00:17:23Thank you, friend.
00:17:24Okay.
00:17:25Okay.
00:17:26miş
00:17:52It's not your fault. You give them the bones, wait for the chances, take a meal off, give them more answers.
00:18:04Okay, yeah, you took a bath, yeah?
00:18:13Actually, there's a crack in the tub, so if you don't mind taking a shower.
00:18:17Yes, Beth broke.
00:18:22I know, yeah, I'm saying if you don't mind taking a shower, it'll cause...
00:18:27Do you have no idea what I'm saying, do you, right now? I could just say anything.
00:18:30No shower, Beth.
00:18:32Okay, you know what?
00:18:33Thank you, thank you. We take Beth?
00:18:47Mm-hmm.
00:18:49Mm?
00:18:54Mm-hmm.
00:18:55Mm-hmm.
00:18:57Mm-hmm.
00:18:58Mm?
00:19:03...
00:19:06I don't know.
00:19:36No, Diego, I'm good.
00:19:38Thank you, though.
00:19:39No, but we have margaritas.
00:19:41Margaritas.
00:19:43Okay.
00:19:44All right.
00:19:45I'll drink a little bit.
00:19:50So what do you want?
00:19:51We got beer, tequila.
00:19:52Beer is fine with me.
00:19:53And you know what?
00:19:54I'm gonna make you the best drink ever.
00:19:55Don't even worry.
00:19:56Bye.
00:19:57How's it going?
00:20:06Toma, Toma, Toma.
00:20:07You know what?
00:20:08I gotta get me one of those AirBeebies.
00:20:09Very smart, very smart.
00:20:11I was never one of those nine to five guys, really.
00:20:13I earned everything with my own two hands,
00:20:15and it's all mine.
00:20:16It's impressive.
00:20:17You could totally run out the rooms here.
00:20:19All right, Missy Phu.
00:20:20Here you go.
00:20:21Give this here a try.
00:20:23You guys are too nice.
00:20:24What is this?
00:20:25Just try it.
00:20:28Tequila.
00:20:29Agave margarita.
00:20:31Now, I need you to hold on to that
00:20:33because we got you something special.
00:20:35just for the holidays.
00:20:40Oh, what are you guys doing to me?
00:20:42Oh, stop complaining.
00:20:44Uh-huh.
00:20:45Merry Christmas.
00:20:46Margarita, Margarita.
00:20:51Oh!
00:20:52So good.
00:20:53Oh, that gave me goosebumps.
00:20:55Boom.
00:20:56Abando!
00:20:57Change the music, bro.
00:20:58I need something more.
00:20:59Red pop, red pop.
00:21:00I got it.
00:21:01I got it.
00:21:02Who's Adam?
00:21:03Who is it?
00:21:04Oh, he's just this guy from Tinder.
00:21:05Invite him.
00:21:06Invite him.
00:21:07Invite him.
00:21:08You know, I was never single during that whole entire,
00:21:09like, online dating thing.
00:21:10He just had a Facebook link.
00:21:11Oh, yeah.
00:21:12An old high school flame tried to reconnect with him on Facebook.
00:21:13No.
00:21:14What'd she say, baby?
00:21:15Something like, hey, B, remember those beanie nights in the back of your trans am?
00:21:27No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:21:28She's married now, and she's just a memory.
00:21:29And she was flirting with you.
00:21:30No.
00:21:31She was not.
00:21:32Not how I interpreted it.
00:21:33No.
00:21:34And besides, I told her, I said, hey, no, look, you know, I am married to the most beautiful
00:21:41girl in the whole wide world.
00:21:42Wow.
00:21:43I don't think you guys want some Tinder rando roaming around your house.
00:21:47Hey, boy, why not?
00:21:48If he's a creeper, I want to knock his feet.
00:21:53Well, let me see what he looks like.
00:21:55Cute.
00:21:56Me too.
00:21:57Cute, right?
00:21:58Hey, what's, wait, what's he pointing at?
00:22:00I don't know.
00:22:01He's a filmmaker, so I think he's, like, working or something.
00:22:03Yeah, he's fair-skinned.
00:22:04And Joe?
00:22:05I'm fair-skinned.
00:22:06Why is he so skinny?
00:22:07Hey, baby, compared to this, everyone's skinny.
00:22:12Your nipples?
00:22:13Oh, he messaged you.
00:22:16Does it matter that I'm Jewish?
00:22:18Why would he ask him if it matters if he's Jewish?
00:22:21Because I said I'm at a Christmas party.
00:22:22Oh, so you already invited him then.
00:22:26I don't know.
00:22:27He's coming, okay?
00:22:28He's coming, okay?
00:22:29He's coming, okay?
00:22:30He's coming, okay?
00:22:31He's coming, he's coming, he's coming, he's coming.
00:22:32Okay, okay.
00:22:33Yay!
00:22:34Oh!
00:22:35This reminds me of, uh, uh, shaving my legs.
00:22:40Uh, which I actually don't do anymore, uh, because feminism.
00:22:44Um, now, uh, if you're-
00:22:47Alrighty, that does it.
00:22:48Later.
00:22:49Oopsies!
00:22:50Are you- are you okay?
00:22:51Yeah.
00:22:52Yeah.
00:22:53Yeah.
00:22:54Who needs asparagus?
00:22:55Who needs it?
00:22:56We can do without it.
00:22:57Yep.
00:22:58Yep, I don't need it.
00:22:59Alright, you're coming with me.
00:23:00I'm just gonna make a little move over here.
00:23:02Careful, I'm heavy.
00:23:03Oh, you're light as a bird.
00:23:04Thin as a MacBook.
00:23:05Alright.
00:23:06Okay.
00:23:07Hello.
00:23:08Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?
00:23:22Yes.
00:23:23But I like hearing it.
00:23:25Your turn.
00:23:30To the most magical three months of my life,
00:23:36and to starting a new chapter in L.A. in-
00:23:41Oh my gosh!
00:23:42In just three weeks?
00:23:44Look.
00:23:45My hand, it's trembling in the thought of you being here.
00:23:49I can't wait to be there with you.
00:23:52I feel like I was born here by accident.
00:23:55Oh.
00:23:56Well, I'm sure your parents love you very much.
00:23:59Oh.
00:24:00No.
00:24:01I don't mean I'm an accident.
00:24:04It was just a joke about how no one lives in Wisconsin on purpose.
00:24:07I see.
00:24:08That's funny.
00:24:09Cheers.
00:24:10Cheers.
00:24:11Smells like a senior center in here.
00:24:14Adam just walked in.
00:24:17Hi, Adam.
00:24:18Sorry.
00:24:19Hey.
00:24:20Hey, Sophie.
00:24:21Hey.
00:24:22Hey, Sophie.
00:24:23You guys are seriously adorable.
00:24:26Oh, son of a bitch.
00:24:28This keeps happening.
00:24:30Every time I say a word with Siri in it, my phone thinks I'm talking to it.
00:24:33Hey, look.
00:24:34I'm serious.
00:24:36I'm serious.
00:24:38Serial killer.
00:24:40I want a bowl of cereal.
00:24:42Siri.
00:24:43There's a setting for that, man.
00:24:44It's not even working now.
00:24:45Where?
00:24:46I'll show you later.
00:24:47All right.
00:24:48Well, real quick, my 5-4 package hasn't come yet.
00:24:52Can I borrow a jacket?
00:24:53Maybe a swab or two of deodorant?
00:24:55What happened to your deodorant?
00:24:56I got the gel kind.
00:24:57It's like slimy and gross.
00:24:58I just hate it.
00:24:59Yeah, okay.
00:25:00Just nothing left of the sweater vest, please.
00:25:02Bless you, Dave.
00:25:03Bye, Sophie.
00:25:04Bye, Adam.
00:25:05Where were we?
00:25:08Uh, Davey, my computer's dying, and I left my charger at work.
00:25:12Let's talk tomorrow.
00:25:14Oh, okay.
00:25:15Um, what about dinner?
00:25:17I'm sorry.
00:25:18I want to finish, but I'm at 1%.
00:25:20I'll text you from the office.
00:25:22Sure.
00:25:23Yeah.
00:25:24Uh, let's do that.
00:25:26Uh, sleep tight.
00:25:28Uh, sleep well.
00:25:30Sugar plum.
00:25:32I love you.
00:25:34Okay.
00:25:35Okay.
00:25:36Talk tomorrow.
00:25:37Yeah, talk tomorrow.
00:25:38Talk to you.
00:25:39We'll, we'll talk.
00:25:40Good night.
00:25:41Bye.
00:25:42Bye.
00:25:43I said nothing left of this sweater vest, Adam.
00:25:44I'll replace it if anything happens to it.
00:25:45I love this jacket.
00:25:46Minus the rattling noise.
00:25:47I don't want to mislead any homeless people.
00:25:49You okay?
00:25:50I heard the end of your conversation.
00:25:52You okay?
00:25:53I heard the end of your conversation.
00:25:54You okay?
00:25:55You okay?
00:25:56I heard the end of your conversation.
00:25:57You okay?
00:25:58You okay?
00:25:59You okay?
00:26:00I heard the end of your conversation.
00:26:03Hopefully not the relationship.
00:26:06What is on my jacket?
00:26:09Uh, it's probably just deodorant.
00:26:11How'd you get deodorant on that part of the jacket?
00:26:15I'll just grab another one.
00:26:17This is a random thought, but why didn't she just call you from her cell phone?
00:26:21Hey, uh, I think I'm here, but there's, there's police on the front porch and it seems like the party's being shut down.
00:26:42Yo.
00:26:43Uh, Emma.
00:26:44Hey.
00:26:45Sorry.
00:26:46It just ended like five minutes ago.
00:26:47Oh, no.
00:26:48Terrible timing.
00:26:49Sorry.
00:26:50No.
00:26:51Thanks for coming.
00:26:52Oh, of course.
00:26:53Yeah.
00:26:54You're, you, you're very pretty.
00:26:56You're quite handsome.
00:26:57Oh, I'm making you blush.
00:26:59We should go somewhere else.
00:27:00Yeah.
00:27:01I'm like still in the zone.
00:27:02You're in the zone.
00:27:03Yeah.
00:27:04Where should we go?
00:27:05Geckos.
00:27:06And you're both coming.
00:27:07Do you know them?
00:27:08I really know somebody.
00:27:10I don't know.
00:27:11Let's just go.
00:27:12I don't know.
00:27:13Yeah.
00:27:14Guys, guys, guys, guys.
00:27:15You can drink as much as you want.
00:27:16Just be sure to leave my Uncle a healthy tip, huh?
00:27:17Of course.
00:27:18Hey.
00:27:19Ooh.
00:27:20Ooh.
00:27:21Ooh.
00:27:22Ooh.
00:27:23Ooh.
00:27:24Ooh.
00:27:25Ooh.
00:27:26Ooh.
00:27:27Ooh.
00:27:28Ooh.
00:27:29Ooh.
00:27:30Ooh.
00:27:31Ooh.
00:27:32Ooh.
00:27:33Ooh.
00:27:34Ooh.
00:27:35Ooh.
00:27:36Ooh.
00:27:37Ooh.
00:27:38Ooh.
00:27:39Ooh.
00:27:40Ooh.
00:27:41Ooh.
00:27:42Hola, tía.
00:27:43Hi.
00:27:44Hi.
00:27:45Hi.
00:27:46Hey.
00:27:47Cheers.
00:27:48Cheers.
00:27:49Hey.
00:27:50You're looking for some perico?
00:27:52Just, uh, holler at me quietly, huh?
00:27:54I don't want my tía to hit her.
00:27:56Oh.
00:27:57I'm okay.
00:27:58I think we're good.
00:28:00Thanks.
00:28:01It's very generous.
00:28:02I do all the maintenance, so if there's like a problem with the heater, I fix it.
00:28:05If there's a leak, I fix it.
00:28:07So you're like there every day taking things?
00:28:10Yes.
00:28:11Um, it's important.
00:28:12Yeah.
00:28:13Do you, uh, do you live there too?
00:28:14No.
00:28:15I don't have lots of you lives.
00:28:16But the house I manage is next door to Carl and Diego's, so.
00:28:19They're great, by the way.
00:28:20Oh.
00:28:21Yeah.
00:28:22I hate going there alone, though.
00:28:23There's always some sort of debauchery going on.
00:28:25As you can see.
00:28:26No, screw you.
00:28:27You didn't even invite me anywhere.
00:28:28It's a barn.
00:28:29I can't stop you from showing up.
00:28:31Say their names and they appear.
00:28:32Hi, guys.
00:28:33Hi.
00:28:34My children.
00:28:35Hey.
00:28:36So, who's next?
00:28:38What?
00:28:39Sing out of here.
00:28:41No, no, no.
00:28:42Go stop that being here.
00:28:44Hey, what are you doing?
00:28:45No.
00:28:46No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:28:47No, it's not going to happen.
00:28:48No, no, no, no, no.
00:28:49No, no, no, no.
00:28:50No, no, no.
00:28:51No, no, no.
00:28:52No, no, no, no.
00:28:53No, no, no.
00:28:54No, no, no, no.
00:28:55No, no, no, no.
00:28:56No, no, no, no, no.
00:28:57Paddle!
00:28:58Paddle!
00:28:59Paddle!
00:29:00Paddle!
00:29:01Paddle!
00:29:02Paddle!
00:29:03Paddle!
00:29:04Paddle!
00:29:05Paddle!
00:29:06Paddle!
00:29:07Paddle!
00:29:08Paddle!
00:29:09Paddle!
00:29:10Paddle!
00:29:11Paddle!
00:29:12Paddle!
00:29:13Paddle!
00:29:14Paddle!
00:29:15Paddle!
00:29:16Paddle!
00:29:17Paddle!
00:29:18Paddle!
00:29:19Paddle!
00:29:20Paddle!
00:29:21Paddle!
00:29:22Paddle!
00:29:23Paddle!
00:29:24Paddle!
00:29:25Paddle!
00:29:26Paddle!
00:29:27it doesn't matter where you meet somebody tinder's just one of a million platforms
00:29:31haven't you wondered if these dating apps attract a certain type of person like people who just want
00:29:36hookups or weirdos catfishing from their mom's basements i think i'm a pretty normal guy and i
00:29:41can't meet anybody anywhere so you think you're normal huh well my mom seems to think so then
00:29:47again i have been out here for seven years and i don't know anytime i seem to like somebody they
00:29:53never like me back really i could build a collage of all the rejection texts that i've ever received
00:29:59god that surprises me it does no i've tried them all too like bumble okay cupid j date j swipe
00:30:08even christian mingle to try my hand at the shixas wait what are shixas
00:30:13no they're uh according to my grandpa practice never mind
00:30:23at which point you know a phone call or a handwritten note will do okay it's a deal
00:30:28shake on it yeah it's official
00:30:43shake on it
00:31:05yeah
00:31:08so you told her you love her and she didn't say it back and now you're watching my video because
00:31:22you think it's gonna make you feel better i'm sorry for you buddy you know but i speak the
00:31:25truth and the truth hurts first of all there's a very good chance she didn't love you at all
00:31:28she was just trying to spare your feelings everybody wants connection without the conversation
00:31:31so if you're looking for answers i suggest you remove the super glue bonding your testicles to
00:31:36your ego start asking some fucking questions secondly i think listen to this so sorry i
00:31:41couldn't sleep had so much fun with you smiley face emma p.s really sorry about the lamp let me
00:31:47know how i can make it up to you that explains the mess did you leave money for it no wait should i
00:31:53have did she realize that was a prop for your shoot today it's not even the lamp that i'm upset about
00:31:58you know it's the fact that we had this great night out followed by a really great night in and
00:32:01and she's taken off as if it were when i'd stand maybe it was it wasn't how do you know should i
00:32:06call her if i were you yeah look the early morning dip out is not beneath me but i am very aware that
00:32:13some people are not cool with it stop biting your cuticles disgusting if he actually likes me he's
00:32:20gonna reach out right maybe you should slow down if tinder existed when your grandparents met you
00:32:24probably wouldn't even be here right now my grandma would have just snuck off in the middle of night and
00:32:28found some other schmuck five miles away why are you bringing my grandparents into this because
00:32:32they've they had it easy right ghosting somebody in 1940 just meant moving to a different area code
00:32:37well look who it is i got your text i'm sorry the answer's no well do you know anyone with a lamp
00:32:45anyone at all the kind you're looking for and honestly if i were you i'd have this chick pay for
00:32:49it right you want to help out tonight this girl actually ends up coming i want you to meet her
00:32:53no no no you're not gonna sashay me around so i can play the part of your gay best friend
00:32:57nobody would ever suspect you of being my best friend yeah that's fair i gotta work though is
00:33:01this what our relationship has become just a series of excuses i'm sorry man i'm busy yes because
00:33:05you're too busy meeting up with dudes on grinder actually that part takes five minutes i'm talking
00:33:09about work you should just find a sugar daddy why don't you find a sugar daddy that's what i thought
00:33:14all right i gotta get back to work all right later i'll talk to you
00:33:18are you serious i guess you're from hollywood did you bring the drinks just get out of here
00:33:26relax it's not like she's gonna suspect you banging the pizza delivery boy
00:33:30i'm serious if you come back here again i'm gonna throw you off this goddamn balcony
00:33:36that's funny to you no sorry just nerves just get me a new one send somebody else
00:33:45i don't know why i'm getting so inside my head about this
00:33:51maybe you should google it i google all my problems you've been in a three month relationship
00:33:57on facetime with a girl you met once that's not a problem that's a modern day fairy tale
00:34:00sounds like you fell in love last night are you serious i mean i like her but given my track
00:34:06record of rejection she'll probably just ignore me for all i know it was a one night stand and and
00:34:09now i'm driving myself absolutely nuts just trying to figure out if i should call
00:34:13maybe you should text her text emma no texting emma no no no you know if your fingers are feeling idle
00:34:23you could text that beefcake from yesterday who william no if you won't i will besides you did say
00:34:29that he reminded you of me wait he texted me so beefcake i mean i wipe her butt given my track record
00:34:36of rejection she'll probably just oh he's calling me now hello hey did you get my text i did i i'm not
00:34:45sure i follow uh i was just it's like part of an op-ed piece about modern it's stupid uh just ignore it
00:34:52oh is it about us or um no just like my experiences with dating in general anyway i thought it would be
00:34:59weirder not to call you at this point no i'm i'm glad that you did i'm really sorry about the lamp i
00:35:07just thought it'd be more personal to leave a handwritten note instead of a text yeah you did the
00:35:11best you could i'll buy you a new one or i can like give you a gift card to west elm or something
00:35:18it's cool you still want to help with the shoot tonight yeah i do thank you for calling by the way yeah
00:35:25that's how i do anyway i'll talk to you later okay bye bye well it looks like i am seeing him tonight
00:35:36oh isn't that nice one little phone chat and everything's all cleared up that's nice of him
00:35:41to call though it was wasn't it no i'm having this guest on tomorrow night that can't stop social media
00:35:47stalking one of her boyfriends one of if she would just pick up the phone and call she'd probably get
00:35:52much better answers than surmising his every move off of instagram pics speaking of which one of your
00:35:58many lovers are you stalking right now none there's this one guy abraham rosen he keeps trolling my
00:36:05website since when do you care about internet trolls and he has lunch the same spot every day this armenian
00:36:11spot up the way oh he said that he wanted to report my podcast to the department of health so they could
00:36:18classify it as an std so this is supposed to be just like every other night okay you guys have been
00:36:26married for 50 years and all the love and the passion that was once there is gone so pretend he's my real
00:36:32husband exactly yeah i gotta go to the bathroom okay yeah please yeah yeah
00:36:40water oh no no thank you
00:36:48so my friend should be here any second with the replacement lamp and then we'll run a rehearsal
00:36:52okay you want me to be reading too or should i be trying to sleep and he's waking me up with his
00:36:57but cut the lamp uh i think you should be reading too yeah it's like a routine only tonight doesn't
00:37:02go as planned gotcha steph you're a lifesaver why don't we just take like a 30 minute break and then
00:37:07we'll pick up where we left off sure all right 30 minutes this is amazing thank you just be careful
00:37:15with her my aunt gave her to me i will treat her like she's my only child um this is this is emma by
00:37:21the way our amazing on-set photographer it's nice to meet you i'm the one who broke the lamp so
00:37:27broken lamp culprit if anything happens to this then i will pay you and your aunt three times what
00:37:33it is worth no i think then you'll make my birthday party three times more fun if your birthday party
00:37:38isn't like maximum fun then i have failed you as a friend i just want people to come i'm already
00:37:42competing with christmas new year's what are you uh what are you drinking a little nitro brew i'm seeing
00:37:47francis later if you want to come hmm how much nothing my coworker has to work late she just gave
00:37:53me the tickets i'm so down i'm gonna buy you a t-shirt this time um do you have an extra ticket
00:37:59she only gave me two but i'm sure you can find a ticket on craigslist if you want to come yeah no
00:38:03or i'll just give you my ticket and then i'll buy one from like a scalper outside oh that's okay
00:38:07i actually have plans with my roommate tonight and i can't really ditch her so you already have plans
00:38:12yeah but you guys go to the concert and have fun we'll just do something later this week yeah yeah
00:38:17whose bag is this this is a hot set we got to keep this whole area clear that's i that's mine
00:38:22i'm sorry keep it inside this one's really legit i know i'm the next spike jones can i have a
00:38:28oh of course you've got a little something that comes you yeah whoa whoa whoa not funny i'm just
00:38:35joking i'll be the one to call you around when i break the lamp i'm ready i'm ready i got to make sure
00:38:43everybody wants to understand but go steady go steady you never know what to say when things are going right
00:38:54i feel scared tonight i'm dead and lonely i'm tired waiting on you
00:39:05i turn off the lights somebody's watching you know i'm coming for you
00:39:12hello
00:39:23out of breath already mate stands or a hike
00:39:28it's a really nice place you have yeah it's my own private huckuson everyone drinks free
00:39:34speaking of you want a drink uh yeah sure
00:39:40got roommates yeah one he's crashing here while his own place gets renovated
00:39:46don't worry he's cool thanks
00:39:51so i take it you're australian you took it correctly american native well not native american
00:39:59and although my mom says she's part native american cherokee i don't know let's go to my room
00:40:12uh door open closed yeah absolutely
00:40:15i gotta say you're actually hotter in person
00:40:30sucks you don't live here year round yeah well i'm here often just kind of depends on work oh yeah
00:40:37what uh what do you do for living i am a dialect coach in the middle of helping shia labeouf prepare
00:40:43for his role as an aussie hypochondriac what is that like same as an american hypochondriac no i
00:40:48mean working for shy i heard he can be kind of difficult he's a machine i'm look what he did to
00:40:53me what yeah we're just roughing it a bit all playful okay you like a rough well i'd be lying if
00:41:01i said i wasn't a little turned on i think i would be too
00:41:05okay i can't keep this up i'm actually from glendale i own a yogurt land in west hollywood
00:41:17i'm kidding this is my real voice okay all right oh you're funny and hot and you're
00:41:24not a prostitute or a stripper okay are you real well you'll never know i'm kidding i'm an aussie
00:41:39i need a hug i need a hug yes bring it in thank you so much for the ticket of course
00:41:44i see you on the 23rd yeah just need to lock the house and then we're good to go amazing get home safe
00:41:49yeah love ya love ya
00:42:11hey so that door is my mom's door come in this way you look great by the way i was kidding about the
00:42:16door i don't have a mom
00:42:35hello hey how's it going i'm good sweet
00:42:39i'm surprised uh no you you go ahead i'm just gonna say that i'm surprised you're up this early
00:42:49it's almost noon true but you were out late so well you and i both had a lot to drink the night
00:42:54before so i just took it pretty easy how was the concert it was good yeah we left a few songs
00:43:01early just to beat the rush i see how's the roommate what your roommate were you guys supposed to hang out
00:43:07last night oh yeah um she blew me off last second oh really you should have called me i was home
00:43:13before midnight we could have hit up that weird backyard cantina for another round of karaoke
00:43:20well i was um i was wondering if you'd like to go out on a super romantic second date tonight
00:43:28absolutely not what what do you mean you're so wrong how can you say that so definitively you
00:43:33you have an inverted trackpad do not yes inverted is an opposite upside down no if you put your
00:43:39fingers on the trackpad you push up like you're literally pushing the bottom of the page in an
00:43:43upward direction when i slide my fingers up it makes sense that the page would mirror the uh upward motion
00:43:49that's logic yes no whatever you know you can slide your fingers wherever you want i don't care
00:43:53can i quote you on that um if you use an annotated bibliography
00:43:58you're gonna be mla style
00:44:20shake hands all around everybody wants to fight
00:44:24and you're the perfect target for this night you must have said i don't
00:44:33you're nerve shot you're alone you're nerve shot you're alone
00:44:39it goes on and on
00:44:42if you're gonna be right
00:44:45pick up the telephone
00:44:49you'll find the best excuse
00:44:52it has the perfect use
00:44:55so you wait for the sun to come down
00:45:00so you can feel
00:45:03the satisfaction
00:45:04the strange reaction you cause
00:45:07with all your tears
00:45:10Shake bands all around
00:45:26I'm sure you've found
00:45:28A perfect target for this night
00:45:31You must have stayed at home
00:45:35It goes on and on
00:45:38She's a fire gun
00:45:40Pick up the telephone
00:45:43You find the best excuse
00:45:48It has the perfect use
00:45:51So you wait for the inside
00:45:54So you can feel
00:45:58Hi.
00:46:02That's the first nice thing you've ever said to me.
00:46:05Do I know you?
00:46:06The way you glorify infidelity
00:46:09Is why Congress banned advertising cigarettes on TV
00:46:12You are the cancer of dating advice
00:46:16You don't look like your voice
00:46:18That's with all the hate, man
00:46:20How'd you even find me here?
00:46:22You geotag every post
00:46:24Are you gonna hurt me?
00:46:26You're coming on my show
00:46:28Why would I do that?
00:46:30Why not?
00:46:30Tomorrow night
00:46:37Number's on there
00:46:38What are we gonna talk about?
00:46:41I don't know
00:46:42But you seem to have a lot to say
00:46:44LA is a melting pot of broken egos
00:46:47Dripping with insecurity
00:46:48Always searching for the next trend center
00:46:50It's the epicenter of entertainment
00:46:52Sending aftershocks of culture
00:46:54Throughout the rest of the world
00:46:55But it's the very lack of an identity
00:46:58That gives it such a unique personality
00:46:59It truly is a city
00:47:01Where anything is possible
00:47:03And self-discovery
00:47:04Is undeniably celebrated
00:47:05And of course
00:47:07The Mexican food
00:47:08Is damn near perfect
00:47:11It's a bit dark
00:47:14Come on
00:47:15That's the whole point
00:47:17You know, like
00:47:18The reason I hate it here
00:47:20Is the same reason I love it here
00:47:21No, I understand
00:47:22You understand
00:47:23But you hate it
00:47:24You hate it
00:47:25Look, I think you're a fantastic writer
00:47:27You're articulate
00:47:28You're funny
00:47:30You're eloquent
00:47:31It's just
00:47:32Most people who read a travel blog
00:47:35Don't want to hear
00:47:35A philosophical analysis
00:47:37Of the culture
00:47:37It's supposed to be niche
00:47:38They want to know
00:47:39The quickest way
00:47:40To get to the Hollywood side
00:47:41Where to buy cheap cocktails
00:47:42Hey
00:47:44No, no, no
00:47:46You're right
00:47:46No, I
00:47:47Yeah, you're right
00:47:47There is a really good chance
00:47:49I don't know
00:47:49What the hell I'm talking about
00:47:50I only read travel blogs
00:47:52To find the nearest alleyway
00:47:53To get a handjob
00:47:54Are you serious?
00:47:56No
00:47:56Not since Grindr
00:47:57What did you do before Grindr?
00:48:00Craigslist
00:48:00Gross
00:48:01People in Sydney
00:48:03More open
00:48:05Than they are in the states
00:48:07No
00:48:07Definitely not more than LA
00:48:09You know I've never actually
00:48:12Left the country before
00:48:13A travel writer
00:48:15Who hasn't left the country
00:48:16Yeah
00:48:16The irony is not lost on me
00:48:18Believe me
00:48:18Dude
00:48:19It's hard when you don't have money
00:48:20You know
00:48:21It's okay
00:48:22You can answer
00:48:23Yeah
00:48:23Hey man
00:48:28Gregory
00:48:29Hey what's going on
00:48:30Are you free Saturday?
00:48:32I think so
00:48:34Why?
00:48:34I'm throwing a party for Steph's 30th
00:48:36You should come
00:48:36Yeah
00:48:37Yeah okay if I'm not working
00:48:39Also shot in the dark
00:48:40But do you happen to know anybody
00:48:41With a big house and a pool?
00:48:43Why?
00:48:44To throw the set party
00:48:46I can ask around
00:48:47But no guarantees
00:48:49How did he help?
00:48:51I'm already hosting one on Saturday
00:48:52Who's that?
00:48:54Someone just offering their house
00:48:55In the hills
00:48:56Be polite
00:48:56Wow seriously?
00:48:58Is it nice?
00:48:59Um yeah it's pretty nice
00:49:01There's only one catch
00:49:03Here
00:49:03Hello
00:49:05Hello
00:49:06So the only catch is
00:49:08It's a Cindy Lauper fest
00:49:09Specifically Cindy Lauper?
00:49:12I'll allow anything 80s
00:49:13Done
00:49:14There you go okay
00:49:16Who's that?
00:49:17Don't worry about it
00:49:18Why do you always sound like
00:49:19You're up to something?
00:49:20I'm not up to anything okay?
00:49:22Uh you guys are hooking up
00:49:24Alright I'm going
00:49:25Gregory?
00:49:26Greg
00:49:27We locked the house
00:49:29Oh my god
00:49:31Do you think I should get like a DJ
00:49:32Or should I just play like music
00:49:34From my iPod
00:49:35Or
00:49:35What kind of party is it?
00:49:38I don't know
00:49:38He said something about Cindy Lauper
00:49:39No I mean like
00:49:40Is it more like a laid back
00:49:42Chilling with friends vibe
00:49:44Or more of a
00:49:45Crazy loud dance party thing
00:49:48I mean it depends on
00:49:49What you consider laid back
00:49:50Where I'm from
00:49:52It's five degrees outside right now
00:49:53To me everything out here is laid back
00:49:55Are you not much of a
00:49:57How much of a partier?
00:49:59No it's not that
00:50:00It's just
00:50:01I'm not too keen on the idea of like
00:50:03Drunk frack guys
00:50:04Jumping into pools
00:50:05And doing lines of cocaine
00:50:07Most people are going to be in their 30s
00:50:08I doubt it's going to be some like
00:50:09Ruckus animal house
00:50:11You go
00:50:12As in without you?
00:50:14I can't do that
00:50:15I just
00:50:15I don't want to ruin your time
00:50:16And it's really not my thing
00:50:17No no no
00:50:18I'm not going to have a good time
00:50:19If you don't go
00:50:20Look we'll just
00:50:21We'll stop by for like a drink
00:50:22And then
00:50:23We'll step into the pool
00:50:24I'll even hire a lifeguard
00:50:26So people don't jump in
00:50:27Look if it weren't Steph's birthday
00:50:30Then I wouldn't even want to go
00:50:31I'd want to stay at home with you
00:50:32And
00:50:33Bake Nestle toll house
00:50:35Chocolate chip cookies
00:50:36Watch a movie
00:50:37And cuddle under a blanket
00:50:39But you know it's
00:50:40It's just that I promised
00:50:42Or like two weeks ago
00:50:43That I would do this
00:50:43And I've already spent so much time
00:50:45Inviting everybody
00:50:45I can't not go
00:50:47It'd be mad awkward at this point
00:50:48So you guys are like
00:50:50Really close huh
00:50:51I mean
00:50:53She's the only friend I have
00:50:54That likes to go out
00:50:55Where does all this
00:50:57Energy
00:50:58Come from
00:50:59This?
00:51:00This energy?
00:51:01Yeah
00:51:01Is it too much?
00:51:02Sometimes
00:51:03You see me this knows
00:51:05See how it's
00:51:06Not normal
00:51:08Well
00:51:09When I was six
00:51:10I ran face first
00:51:12Into a brick fireplace
00:51:13After having a pixie stick
00:51:14He was a very hyperactive child
00:51:16Got it
00:51:17I'm happy he found someone
00:51:20Me too
00:51:21They've been together
00:51:22For like two weeks
00:51:23Every day
00:51:23They're living our fantasy
00:51:25He deserves it
00:51:28I'm just happy I have you
00:51:29That reminds me actually
00:51:31I didn't get your flight itinerary
00:51:33So I was wondering
00:51:34I don't know
00:51:35Maybe went to spam or
00:51:36I was gonna tell you
00:51:38There's been a minor change
00:51:40In time?
00:51:42More like day?
00:51:45Are we okay
00:51:46Sophie?
00:51:47I only ask
00:51:48I mean
00:51:48I'm not trying to be needy
00:51:49Or anything
00:51:50It's just that
00:51:50I have a tendency
00:51:51To overthink things
00:51:52And maybe that was a moment
00:51:53That I overthought
00:51:54And I just
00:51:55I don't wanna scare you off
00:51:57I really
00:51:58Wait
00:52:00I love you too
00:52:06Davey
00:52:07I'm sorry
00:52:09I didn't say it sooner
00:52:10I just froze
00:52:11You effing kidding me
00:52:32Come on
00:52:33Hello
00:52:37Hi
00:52:39Yes
00:52:39The key is in the mailbox
00:52:40The only mailbox
00:52:44The black mailbox
00:52:45On the front porch
00:52:46Yes
00:52:49I can be there
00:52:49In 15 minutes
00:52:50Emma
00:52:50Do we still have
00:52:51That bottle of wine
00:52:52The really old one
00:52:53That's basically vinegar now?
00:52:54Uh
00:52:55Yes
00:52:55Again
00:52:56I'm so so sorry
00:52:57I will get there
00:52:57As soon as I can
00:52:58Just hold tight
00:52:58Okay
00:52:59Okay
00:53:00Okay bye
00:53:01Yeah
00:53:02It's in the fridge somewhere
00:53:03Why?
00:53:04I'm having company tonight
00:53:05Not the internet troll
00:53:06Yeah
00:53:06Either he can play nice
00:53:08And he can get down
00:53:09On this 2013 red Bordeaux
00:53:11I bought for my date with Ron
00:53:12Or if he's a dick
00:53:14Then he gets that vinegar wine swell
00:53:16The choice is his
00:53:17Wow
00:53:20I like the sweater by the way
00:53:22Very Mr. Rogers
00:53:23My girlfriend gave it to me
00:53:25Cute
00:53:25Alright ladies and gentlemen
00:53:27I am here with
00:53:28At Abraham Rosen
00:53:30A foodie and internet troll
00:53:32Now Abe
00:53:34On my last post
00:53:35You commented
00:53:36And I quote
00:53:37Your foray into open love
00:53:40Is as doomed as the lost finale
00:53:42Now
00:53:43I'm an adult
00:53:44And I can take a joke
00:53:46Even some criticism
00:53:48But this is just one of several
00:53:50Several
00:53:51Attacks on me
00:53:53You don't want to admit
00:53:56You have a problem?
00:53:56I have a problem?
00:53:58I mean most people do
00:53:59You're just very public about it
00:54:01What is my problem?
00:54:03You can't commit
00:54:04Instead of working on that
00:54:07You came up with a very easy way
00:54:09To justify it
00:54:10Dude, I never said Polly was for everyone
00:54:13Okay?
00:54:14The same way that you can love more than one book
00:54:16Or one movie
00:54:17I can love more than one person
00:54:19I mean that's the problem with your show right there
00:54:21You just compared love and human connection
00:54:23To forms of entertainment
00:54:25What the hell do you know about human connection?
00:54:27You hide behind your computer
00:54:28You're the one with an audience
00:54:30And you make infidelity sound
00:54:32Like a natural, normal thing
00:54:35Guess what buddy?
00:54:36Your last comment got over 800 likes
00:54:39So like it or not
00:54:41You also have an audience
00:54:43Look
00:54:47Infidelity is wrong
00:54:49We can both agree on that
00:54:52Right?
00:54:53But cheating on someone
00:54:55And loving multiple partners
00:54:57Are two different things
00:54:58But how do you know
00:54:59You're not just spreading your love thin?
00:55:01How do you know you can measure love?
00:55:02I feel like we're finally penetrating each other
00:55:08Let me know you can
00:55:14You can
00:55:16Sorry
00:55:19I'm sorry
00:55:21It's still locked
00:55:22No
00:55:22I've been voluntarily sitting outside for two hours
00:55:25Okay, I apologize
00:55:26I'm gonna get a key made for you first thing in the morning, okay?
00:55:30Hello?
00:55:35Emma
00:55:35Hey, what's going on?
00:55:37Have you left yet?
00:55:38No, I actually had a work emergency
00:55:40So
00:55:41Oh, no
00:55:42Can I ask you a favor?
00:55:44Okay
00:55:44If you can't do it, no worries
00:55:47I'll ask somebody else
00:55:48Not a big deal
00:55:49Just let me know if you'd need anything
00:55:51What?
00:55:51Yes
00:55:51Yeah, there should be something in the kitchen
00:55:53So just help yourself
00:55:55You got a ladder?
00:55:57Uh, we should have one
00:55:58You know what?
00:55:59I'll find it
00:55:59I'll bring it to your room
00:56:00Sorry
00:56:01Oh
00:56:02I'm gonna have some gas
00:56:03You know what, too
00:56:04That's okay?
00:56:05It's actually $10 for lunch
00:56:08Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure
00:56:09Yeah, let's see
00:56:10Perfect
00:56:10Really?
00:56:11Really?
00:56:11Yeah, I love it
00:56:12Hi
00:56:13Uh, sorry, sorry
00:56:14What's up?
00:56:17So, apparently
00:56:18The pinata that I ordered
00:56:19Has a massive crack in it
00:56:21And according to further investigation
00:56:23All the candy inside is nut-faced
00:56:25Which Steph is definitely allergic to
00:56:27So I ordered a last-minute one from the store
00:56:29I just need somebody to pick it up
00:56:31Yeah, I can do that
00:56:32And if I remember correctly
00:56:34It's across the street from your house in Hollywood
00:56:36So hopefully, uh
00:56:37Yeah, yeah, I know where it is
00:56:38I'm actually there right now
00:56:39So that works
00:56:40You're amazing
00:56:41Thank you, man
00:56:42I can't wait to see you
00:56:43Likewise
00:56:44I'll, uh, I'll see you soon
00:56:45Have you ever been cheated on?
00:56:49Bye
00:56:50Uh, I assume from your uninformed
00:56:52Aversion to polyamory
00:56:53That you've had a run-in with infidelity
00:56:55If it's a podcast
00:57:02You have to actually answer it to be
00:57:04Um, yeah
00:57:05Yeah
00:57:05I'm sorry
00:57:07So what made you come here?
00:57:09You mean besides from the fact
00:57:10That you kind of stalked me?
00:57:12That's the investigative journalist in me
00:57:14And I've had enough stalkers of my own
00:57:16That I know how to, uh, reverse-engineer the whole process
00:57:19I just make you laugh?
00:57:22Ladies and gentlemen
00:57:23I just made Abe Rosen laugh
00:57:27Look, I know you were judging me before
00:57:30By the information that I choose to put out there
00:57:33To my listeners
00:57:35And you wanted to drive a spear through my skull
00:57:39But, now that we've met
00:57:41Am I really the antichrist that you envisioned?
00:57:44You would make this about you
00:57:46Bitch, it's my podcast
00:57:48Fair enough
00:57:48Look, this is all about a change in perspective
00:57:51At least you know what you want
00:57:53There's nothing sexier than a confident man
00:57:56That knows what he wants
00:57:57I know I don't want this sweater anymore
00:58:00It is gross
00:58:01It's
00:58:02You know what, screw it
00:58:04Ladies and gentlemen
00:58:09Abe is
00:58:10Disprobing?
00:58:15Feel better?
00:58:16I do
00:58:17Hey!
00:58:25No, come on
00:58:27I'm leaving
00:58:27I'm leaving right this second
00:58:28I swear
00:58:29You're parked in a loading zone
00:58:30What, do you work
00:58:31All of Silver Lake or something?
00:58:33We have a lot of officers on duty
00:58:34Look, I was just going in to pick something up, okay?
00:58:37I'm gonna leave right, right this second
00:58:38I swear
00:58:39Come on
00:58:40Now is just not a good time for me
00:58:42I can barely afford the ticket you gave me last time
00:58:44Okay
00:58:45Okay
00:58:46Really?
00:58:48Do me a favor
00:58:49Put yourself in my position
00:58:50You've been on this job 20 years
00:58:52People are always cursing in your face
00:58:54Threatening the safety of you and your family
00:58:56Do you think that primed your mood to give out favors?
00:58:59No, definitely not
00:59:00Then hopefully next time
00:59:02You won't think of me and my people
00:59:03As some sort of archetypal monster
00:59:04I am a well-spoken man
00:59:07I have feelings and a sense of humor
00:59:09Yes
00:59:10Thank you so much for understanding, seriously
00:59:12Well, you've been here six minutes
00:59:14So I have to give you this ticket
00:59:15What?
00:59:16I was standing here talking to you
00:59:18You psycho
00:59:18Are you freaking serious?
00:59:19No wonder people threaten your family
00:59:21I'm joking
00:59:22I was demonstrating my sense of humor
00:59:24I'll move
00:59:29God, I hate that little bitch
00:59:32Turn it up
00:59:42So everybody knows
00:59:44Yeah, I got the good thing
00:59:46I'll show you how it goes
00:59:48Seriously?
00:59:49I am off of alkaline water
00:59:51I had a bad trip last time I drank it
00:59:53How do you regulate your pH?
00:59:55I've totally done without caffeine
00:59:56With the exception of my grass-fed butter coffee regimen
00:59:59Of course
01:00:00Naturally
01:00:00Sometimes they add an extra syllable
01:00:02Like instead of girl
01:00:04They'd say getl
01:00:06Instead of pearl
01:00:07They'd say petal
01:00:08I gave the getl a petal
01:00:11What about your activities?
01:00:12Oh, bro
01:00:13It's hard to do an Asian accent
01:00:14Without coming off as a racist
01:00:15Yeah, please don't do it
01:00:16I mean British, okay
01:00:18English, great
01:00:19I could even do a Yiddish rabbi
01:00:22Japanese, I'm a bigot
01:00:24This is great party
01:00:26Full of lots of straight white people
01:00:29Oh, I feel like I just missed the show
01:00:31Hey, perfect time
01:00:32You know you're making an ass for yourself
01:00:33Everybody, the birthday girl has a ribbon
01:00:36Hey, birthday girl
01:00:37Welcome
01:00:38Tell her how young she looks
01:00:40And find her a cute guy to talk to
01:00:41Do you have to be straight?
01:00:43I'll be right back
01:00:44You want to reach
01:00:46I'm so sorry
01:00:53It's okay, it's not, it's fine
01:01:09You know what, it's okay
01:01:10Guess who?
01:01:19I have no idea
01:01:20Dang, you're doing work in that bodysuit
01:01:22What are you doing here?
01:01:25You know, just another day at the salt mines
01:01:27But now that you're here
01:01:28I might have to clock out
01:01:30Holy shit, I just realized this is an 80s party
01:01:33Hey, check this out
01:01:37That's something
01:01:39Yeah
01:01:40Hey, how crazy is that?
01:01:42We ran into each other here
01:01:43I mean, what are the chances?
01:01:44It's totally like, like serenity, you know?
01:01:47Do you want to do a shot?
01:01:49Yeah, yeah, I do
01:01:50All right, tell me what it is
01:01:52Well, hopefully she's here soon
01:01:53I called her like an hour ago
01:01:54Give me a hint
01:01:55All right, it's something you're going to want to punch
01:01:58And it's Mexican
01:02:00George Lopez?
01:02:02Yes
01:02:02Lift up
01:02:04Lift up
01:02:05Whoa, you take no prisoners
01:02:10Here
01:02:10Okay
01:02:11Hey, I have some of that blue shit in my backpack
01:02:28Okay, look, I don't want to be condescending
01:02:29But that blue shit is actually blue carousel
01:02:31Which is not a liquor
01:02:33It's a liqueur, which is different
01:02:34Liquor and liqueur are not the same thing
01:02:36Okay
01:02:37Well, whatever it is
01:02:39It definitely makes me feel adequately intoxicated
01:02:41Yeah, I like you for seeing it that way
01:02:42Come on, let's go outside
01:02:43Come on, girl
01:02:44Come on
01:02:45Come on, make me proud
01:02:46Make me proud
01:02:46Come on, girl
01:02:47Oh, come on
01:02:48Oh, my God
01:02:50I'm so happy you're here
01:02:52You know, I'm just going to go to Pirandos
01:02:54I'm just like
01:02:55Hey
01:02:56Hey
01:02:56Oh, my God, Adam
01:02:58Um, I've been trying to call you
01:03:01How long have you been here?
01:03:01Oh, were you? Really?
01:03:02Hey, reception's terrible, though
01:03:04Um, did you get the piñata?
01:03:05Yeah
01:03:06It's over there bleeding twizzlers on the floor
01:03:08What?
01:03:09Yeah, I saw it
01:03:10One of my clients kind of karate chopped it with his teeth
01:03:12Yeah
01:03:13Is everything okay?
01:03:16Yeah, so good
01:03:18You know, I was just out running errands for you
01:03:20And it's so nice that when I walk in
01:03:21And I see the two of you just laughing your asses off
01:03:23Having a great time
01:03:25The two of who?
01:03:25I hardly know anybody here
01:03:26Oh, come on, Adam
01:03:27Are you serious?
01:03:28Right now?
01:03:29I didn't know you were here until just now
01:03:31And I would have helped with the piñata
01:03:33Is that what this is about?
01:03:34I was out getting the perfect piñata for your little friend
01:03:37Who you just had to throw this huge party for
01:03:39And you just had to tell me to come
01:03:40Even though I told you point-blank that I was not comfortable
01:03:42All right, Emma
01:03:43No, would you just screw her already
01:03:44And get it out of your system?
01:03:46Okay, because I can feel it in my bones
01:03:47That you want her, okay?
01:03:48And I can't stand dating you
01:03:49And like living with this seed of fear
01:03:50Wondering what is it going to happen?
01:03:52When is it going to happen?
01:03:52Hey, is my surprise here yet?
01:03:54Can't you say we're in the middle of a conversation?
01:03:55Okay, please just calm down for a second
01:03:56I'll tell you we're going to take a Xanax
01:03:58Oh!
01:04:04Ow!
01:04:13She's an absolute psycho
01:04:33Even at the film shoot I got bad vibes
01:04:35Right when I handed you the lamp
01:04:37She got all cold and defensive
01:04:38I didn't pick up on any of that
01:04:39Here, hold this to your nose
01:04:41It's a beer and an ice pack in one
01:04:43Drink the beer
01:04:45Hold it to your nose
01:04:46Beer
01:04:46Nose
01:04:47Beer
01:04:48Nose
01:04:49Beer
01:04:50Nose
01:04:51Are you calling her?
01:04:53Should I call?
01:04:54Are you serious?
01:04:54You've got to keep your head back
01:04:56I am
01:04:56You know what?
01:04:57The heel's all crooked
01:04:58You've got to find yourself a really good rhinoplaster
01:05:01I'm not getting a nose job
01:05:02Honestly, it doesn't even hurt that bad
01:05:04I'm just getting kind of dramatic
01:05:11Hey, this is Adam Hart
01:05:18So sorry I missed you
01:05:19Please leave me a message
01:05:20And I'll call you back
01:05:20Thanks
01:05:21IEP
01:05:22And I'll call you back
01:05:23IEP
01:05:33It's me!
01:05:43Oh!
01:05:46Oh!
01:05:47Oh!
01:05:49Likki-wikki!
01:05:52Jesus!
01:05:52Got you some brekkie, mastes!
01:05:53Man, come on!
01:05:55I have some fruit,
01:05:57some coffee,
01:05:59and a quarter of a chocolate donut.
01:06:01I want to go back to sleep,
01:06:02But it's my last day.
01:06:05What?
01:06:06Yeah, I got a job on a show in Britain.
01:06:09Just for a couple of weeks.
01:06:11Okay.
01:06:14It's nice to meet you.
01:06:16It was a drunken decision,
01:06:19but I used a portion of my SkyMiles
01:06:22and I bought you a ticket to come with me.
01:06:26What?
01:06:27You've never left the country, mate.
01:06:29I can't have that.
01:06:30And if you don't want to use them,
01:06:33I'll just pawn them.
01:06:42Gay.
01:06:45You want my robe on or off?
01:06:47Um, whatever's more comfortable for you.
01:06:50I just don't want my tits hanging out.
01:06:54I don't want that either.
01:06:56Hey man.
01:06:57Sophie and I are doing an escape room today.
01:06:59Are you interested?
01:07:00Eh.
01:07:01It'll be really fun.
01:07:02They lock you in a small room
01:07:04and you can't leave until you solve the puzzles.
01:07:06I'm okay.
01:07:07You sure?
01:07:08I'll get you an ice cream cone.
01:07:09It's very sweet.
01:07:11Good one.
01:07:13Hey, you know, you shouldn't sit there too long.
01:07:15It's not healthy.
01:07:16Just get up, you know?
01:07:17Do something.
01:07:18No, I will.
01:07:19Yeah?
01:07:39Oh, I'm so sorry.
01:07:40It's okay.
01:07:45This is why you suck at love.
01:07:47Man, I'm just kidding.
01:07:48It was me.
01:07:49Did you think it was the dog?
01:07:50Oh man, thank God your love life sucks.
01:07:52Otherwise you wouldn't be here boosting my viewership
01:07:54and perpetuating my dependency on your approval
01:07:56in order to maintain some semblance of an ego.
01:07:59I need this.
01:08:00I am going to tell you why you suck at love.
01:08:02After all, I'm an expert.
01:08:04First of all, stop complaining about how hard dating is for your generation.
01:08:07It's hard for everybody, alright?
01:08:09If you've got one more negative thing to say about millennials,
01:08:11then go bitch about it in the comments section
01:08:13so every other privileged asshole can get the same satisfaction
01:08:15that I'm getting right now.
01:08:16Every time you crash and burn,
01:08:18it puts you one step closer into convincing yourself
01:08:20that there's a problem with the world,
01:08:22not a problem with you.
01:08:23Ooh, I just want slam poetry on you.
01:08:25Normally I wear a beret when I drop truth bombs like that,
01:08:27but it's in the wash.
01:08:30Hello?
01:08:31Oh, there's too many options.
01:08:32How am I supposed to find someone
01:08:34when statistically there's supposed to be someone better for me out there?
01:08:36Tinder's so superficial, it's all based off of looks.
01:08:39Oh, you're not a fan of options?
01:08:40Why don't you go to Idaho,
01:08:41where the population is half as dense
01:08:42and a four is a ten?
01:08:44Well then turn the water off.
01:08:45I...
01:08:46Okay, I'll be there in ten.
01:08:48Dating has always been hard,
01:08:49except now we live in a time
01:08:50where there's all these fancy newfangled gadgets
01:08:52that make finding the perfect mate
01:08:54easier than breathing.
01:09:01Communication is king.
01:09:03Or should I say communication is
01:09:05a non-gender specific, non-binary...
01:09:08I don't know the full terminology,
01:09:10just know that I'm on your side.
01:09:11What I'm trying to say is
01:09:12it's tough for you to take the information that's in here
01:09:14and turkey-based it into somebody else's brain.
01:09:16Nowadays it's so easy to ghost people
01:09:18and avoid confrontation altogether,
01:09:20when my advice to you would be to just stop hiding
01:09:22and go out and have a conversation.
01:09:25We all want the same thing.
01:09:27Love, connection,
01:09:28and a lesson about life
01:09:29that doesn't sound so preachy.
01:09:31So hear me when I say this.
01:09:34Dating is meant to make you happy.
01:09:36So be that happy person for somebody else.
01:09:38And I promise,
01:09:39we'll stop sucking at love.
01:09:41Be good to each other.
01:09:43And maybe we can do this again sometime.
01:09:46Thanks, Sergeant.
01:09:48So why don't we think that we'll see this
01:09:50you guys again?
01:09:52So why don't we think that we'll see this
01:09:53you guys again?
01:10:48Bye.
01:11:17Bye.
01:11:47Bye.
01:12:17Bye.
01:12:47Bye.
01:13:17Bye.
01:13:47Bye.
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