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Set sail for chaos and comedy in this classic 1931 Marx Brothers film! In Stowaway Shenanigans, the Marx Brothers sneak aboard a luxury ocean liner and turn high society upside down with their signature wit, fast-talking banter, and slapstick brilliance. With mistaken identities, wild chases, and nonstop mischief, this film is a hallmark of early American comedy and a testament to the Marx Brothers' legendary status.
Perfect for fans of vintage humor, this film captures the golden era of slapstick and vaudeville-style entertainment at sea. A timeless voyage of laughter awaits!
Perfect for fans of vintage humor, this film captures the golden era of slapstick and vaudeville-style entertainment at sea. A timeless voyage of laughter awaits!
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by ESO. Translation by —
00:00:30The End
00:01:00The End
00:01:30What is it?
00:01:36Sir, I have to report there are four stowaways in the forward hatch.
00:01:39Stowaways?
00:01:40How do you know there are four of them?
00:01:41Why, they were saying sweet Adeline.
00:01:43Well, get them out of there, you hear?
00:01:45But we can't find them.
00:01:46And besides, they've been writing insulting notes.
00:01:51So, I'm an old goat, am I?
00:01:53Listen to me.
00:01:54Find them if you have to clear out that whole hatch.
00:01:56Yes, sir.
00:01:56Oh, Captain, when do we get in?
00:02:01Wednesday!
00:02:02Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:02:03When?
00:02:04In all my dreams
00:02:06In all my dreams
00:02:09Your fair face be a dream
00:02:11Your fair face be a dream
00:02:14You're the eyes of my heart
00:02:19Dream as a line
00:02:24Dream as a line
00:02:25Dream as a line
00:02:29Oh, this is the only way to travel, boys
00:02:36The only way
00:02:37I was going to bring along the wife and kitties
00:02:39But the grocer couldn't spare another barrel
00:02:40I was going to bring my grandfather
00:02:42But there's no room for his beard
00:02:44Why don't you send for the old swine
00:02:45And let his beard come later
00:02:46I sent for his beard
00:02:48You did?
00:02:49Yeah, it's coming by hair mail
00:02:50Say, fellas, I think I hear someone
00:02:52Well, if it's the captain
00:02:53I'm going to have a few words with him
00:02:54My hot water's been cold for three days
00:02:56And I haven't got room enough in here to swing a cat
00:02:58In fact, I haven't even got a cat
00:02:59My grandfather can swing a cat
00:03:02Hey, that'd make a good job for him
00:03:04Yes
00:03:04Come on, men
00:03:05Hey, someone's coming
00:03:06Come on, guys, snap it up
00:03:12Listen, fellas
00:03:14We've got to find those stowaways
00:03:17And when we do, we'll put them in iron
00:03:19Why, I, sir
00:03:19Take a look in behind those cases
00:03:21You fellas look behind those boxes
00:03:24Never mind the barrels
00:03:30Aye, aye, sir
00:03:32What's that?
00:03:34I just said aye, aye, sir
00:03:35Never mind that
00:03:35Find those men
00:03:36Aye, aye, sir
00:03:54They're not here, sir
00:04:02Oh, yes, they are
00:04:04Push all this stuff up on deck
00:04:06And get these barrels out of the way
00:04:07Farewell, sir
00:04:08All the way up there
00:04:12Hurry up with that sling
00:04:15Well, you'll never find them standing around this way
00:04:19Yes, sir
00:04:20Now you look in back of those bales
00:04:21You look in those boxes
00:04:22Yes, sir
00:04:22All right, boys
00:04:25Pick it snappy up there
00:04:29Hey, there you are
00:04:45Hurry, hurry
00:04:49Come on, we'll be back
00:04:51Come on, we'll be back
00:04:51Help me
00:04:51I'll be back
00:04:52Come on, let's go
00:04:53Let's go.
00:05:23Oh, my God.
00:05:53You fellas, go after.
00:05:55You fellas, take a look in behind those lifeboats.
00:06:23Captain, tell us about the stowaways.
00:06:26Oh, I'll have them in the brig before long.
00:06:29That's terribly romantic.
00:06:31I'd love to meet a stowaway.
00:06:33Hey, you.
00:06:34Are these your gloves?
00:06:35I found them in your trunk.
00:06:36You guys go to your rooms.
00:06:37I'll be down shortly.
00:06:38Who are you?
00:06:39Are you the floor walker of this ship?
00:06:41I want to register a complaint.
00:06:42Why, what's the matter?
00:06:43Matter enough.
00:06:44You know who sneaked into my stateroom at 3 o'clock this morning?
00:06:46Who did that?
00:06:47Nobody.
00:06:48And that's my complaint.
00:06:49I'm young.
00:06:50I want gaiety to look at me.
00:06:52I want gaiety, laughter, ha-cha-cha.
00:06:54I want to dance.
00:06:55I want to dance till the cars come home.
00:06:57What do you mean by this?
00:06:58Another thing.
00:06:59I don't care for the way you're running this boat.
00:07:01Why don't you get in the back seat for a while and let your wife drive?
00:07:03I want you to know I've been captain of this ship for 22 years.
00:07:0622 years, eh?
00:07:07If you were a man, you'd go on business for yourself.
00:07:09I know a fella started only last year with just a canoe.
00:07:12Now he's got more women than he could shake a stick at.
00:07:14If that's your idea of a good time.
00:07:15One more word out of you and I'll throw you an iron.
00:07:17You can't do it with irons.
00:07:18It's a masher shot.
00:07:19It's a masher shot if the wind is against you.
00:07:21And if the wind isn't, I am.
00:07:22And how about those barrels down below?
00:07:24Barrels?
00:07:25Yeah, I wouldn't put a pig in one of those barrels.
00:07:27Now, see here, you...
00:07:28No, not even if you got down on your knees.
00:07:29And here's your gloves.
00:07:30You would take them, wouldn't you?
00:07:31Why...
00:07:32And keep away from my office.
00:07:34Now, see here, you...
00:07:47How dare you invade the sanctity of the captain's quarters?
00:07:50I thought he was the captain.
00:07:51Hey, I'm hungry.
00:07:52I'm gonna look for something to eat.
00:07:53I'll take care of that.
00:07:54Hello?
00:07:55Send up the captain's lunch.
00:07:56Hey, too.
00:07:57Send up his dinner, too.
00:07:59Who am I?
00:08:01I'm the captain.
00:08:02You wanna choose up sides?
00:08:07Oh, engineer.
00:08:08Will you tell me to stop the boat from rocking?
00:08:09I'm gonna have lunch.
00:08:14Well, what's the matter with you?
00:08:15What's the matter with me?
00:08:16I'm hungry.
00:08:17I didn't eat in three days.
00:08:18Three days?
00:08:19We've only been on the boat two days.
00:08:20Well, I didn't eat yesterday.
00:08:21I didn't eat today.
00:08:22And I'm not gonna eat tomorrow.
00:08:24That makes it three days.
00:08:25Well, state your business.
00:08:26I've got a ship of my timbers.
00:08:29I got no business.
00:08:30I come up to see the captain's bridge.
00:08:31Captain's bridge?
00:08:32I'm sorry.
00:08:33He always keeps it in a glass of water while he's eating.
00:08:35Would you, uh...
00:08:36Like to see where he sleeps?
00:08:37Huh.
00:08:38I saw that.
00:08:39That's the bunk.
00:08:40You're wasting your breath.
00:08:41And that's no great loss either.
00:08:42A fine sailor you are.
00:08:43You bet I'm a fine sailor.
00:08:44You know my whole family was the sailors?
00:08:46My father was a partners with Columbus.
00:08:48Well, what do you think of that, huh?
00:08:49Your father and Columbus were partners?
00:08:51You bet.
00:08:52Columbus has been dead 400 years.
00:08:53Well, they told me it was my father.
00:08:55Well, now, just hop up there a little, Johnny.
00:08:57And I'll show you a few things that you don't know about history.
00:08:59Now, look.
00:09:00Now, there's Columbus.
00:09:01That's Columbus' cycle.
00:09:03Would you mind getting up off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?
00:09:07Oh, you're crazy.
00:09:09Flies can't read papers.
00:09:11Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India looking for a shortcut.
00:09:14Well, you mean strawberry shortcut.
00:09:16I don't know.
00:09:18When I woke up there was the nurse taking care of me.
00:09:21What's the matter?
00:09:22Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?
00:09:23You bet she could.
00:09:24But I found it out too late.
00:09:25Well, enough of this.
00:09:26Let's get back to Columbus.
00:09:27I'd rather get back to the nurse.
00:09:28So would I.
00:09:29But Columbus was sailing along on his vessel.
00:09:30On his what?
00:09:31Not on his what.
00:09:32On his vessel.
00:09:33Don't you know what vessel is?
00:09:34Sure, I can vessel.
00:09:35You suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
00:09:37Now, one night, Columbus sailors started a mutiny.
00:09:40No, no mutinies at night.
00:09:41They're in the afternoon.
00:09:42You know, mutinies Wednesdays and Saturdays.
00:09:43Here's my argument.
00:09:44Restrict immigration.
00:09:45All right.
00:09:46I'll sit here.
00:09:47All right, sir.
00:09:48I'll sit here.
00:09:49Come on, sir.
00:09:50Come on.
00:09:51Get back.
00:09:52Come on, sir.
00:09:53Come on, sir.
00:09:54You know what?
00:09:55I'm sorry.
00:09:56You all have to tell us that you've killed a killer started a mutiny.
00:09:57No, no mutinies at night.
00:09:58They're in the afternoon.
00:09:59You know, mutinies Wednesdays and Saturdays.
00:10:00Has my argument?
00:10:01Restrict immigration.
00:10:02All right, sir.
00:10:03I'll sit here.
00:10:17All righty.
00:10:30Well, of all the colossal impudence.
00:10:32Why don't you stand up? Can't you see he has no chair?
00:10:34What? You...
00:10:35You better keep quiet. We're a couple of big stockholders in this country.
00:10:39Stockholders, huh? Well, you look like a couple of stowaways to me.
00:10:42Well, don't forget, my fine fellow, that the stockholder of yesteryear
00:10:45is the stowaway of today.
00:10:48Well, you look exactly like them.
00:10:49Yeah, what do they look like?
00:10:51One of them goes around with a black mustache.
00:10:54So do I. If I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde.
00:10:57I said one goes around with a black mustache.
00:11:01Well, you couldn't expect a mustache to go around by itself.
00:11:04Don't you think a mustache ever gets lonely, Captain?
00:11:06Hey, sure it gets lonely.
00:11:08Hey, when my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your mustache.
00:11:11Well, I'll think it over. I'll talk it over with my mustache.
00:11:13Tell me, has your grandfather's beard got any money?
00:11:15Money? Why, it fell here to a fortune.
00:11:18Now, listen. Stockholders or no stockholders, you clear out of here.
00:11:21All right.
00:11:22Hey, maybe there's somebody in that room.
00:11:24There's somebody in that closet there.
00:11:26And I think it's you, Captain.
00:11:30Well, now we can eat in peace.
00:11:31All right, here's a piece for you.
00:11:33All right, let's get out of here, maybe.
00:11:36Make pardon, Captain.
00:11:38How dare you enter the captain's quarters while I'm eating.
00:11:40Sorry, sir.
00:11:47Now I got you.
00:11:52Don't forget the button.
00:12:03I got you.
00:12:33You know, there's some mighty pretty country around here.
00:12:36I've, uh...
00:12:37I beg your pardon.
00:12:44Pardon me.
00:12:45Is this yours?
00:12:46Why, no.
00:12:52You sure?
00:12:53I'm positive.
00:13:03I'm sorry.
00:13:08I do not know.
00:13:10Is this yours?
00:13:11Yes, it is.
00:13:12Well, as I was saying, there's some mighty beautiful country around here.
00:13:14The trees are lovely.
00:13:15Oh, you bet they are. I love them.
00:13:18Oh.
00:13:22Oh, Judy, oh, Judy, oh, Judy, oh, Judy, oh, Judy, oh, Judy, oh, Judy, oh, Judy, oh, Judy.
00:13:29Oh, Judy.
00:13:33No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:14:03I'm done, but I'm done.
00:14:08It's ao-yewy rocky, my theory!
00:14:12It's ao-yewy rocky, my theory!
00:14:17It's ao-yewy rocky, my theory!
00:14:23Get theo-yewy rocky, my theory!
00:14:26Come out of there.
00:14:28Yes, sir.
00:14:34I want a report.
00:14:35I found a...
00:14:36Gibson, you've been drinking again,
00:14:38and you know what my orders were.
00:14:40But those stowaways.
00:14:42I just called them.
00:14:44I found them.
00:14:46I found them.
00:14:48Gibson, you've been drinking again,
00:14:50and you know what my orders were.
00:14:52But those stowaways.
00:14:54I just caught one of them in there.
00:14:56Stowaway, huh?
00:14:58Yes, there he is.
00:15:00I thought so.
00:15:02Go to your quarters.
00:15:12That's a dummy.
00:15:14Come with me.
00:15:18First officer.
00:15:20I'm telling you, that's him.
00:15:22This has gone far enough.
00:15:23Get up to your quarters.
00:15:27Ah!
00:15:28Yes, sir.
00:15:31Quiet.
00:15:35I think you're right.
00:15:37I know you're right.
00:15:39Hey!
00:15:41sun!
00:15:42What you do?
00:15:43Wait, wait!
00:15:45Wait!
00:15:46Get off!
00:15:47Get off!
00:15:48Get him!
00:15:49Look, put him on...
00:15:50Keep in there!
00:15:51He's a poor little hee gong!
00:15:52Ha-ho-ho-ho!
00:15:53Try to walk in the middle!
00:15:55Get on.
00:15:57There you go!
00:15:58Where?
00:15:59Get off!
00:16:00Get on!
00:16:01Look, wait!
00:16:03Money!
00:16:04Come on!
00:16:05She's not going there!
00:16:06Would you like to have anything before lunch?
00:16:21Yes, breakfast.
00:16:25Why, nobody eats in here.
00:16:27I do.
00:16:31Mustard's no good without roast beef.
00:16:34You want your nails trimmed long?
00:16:35Oh, about an hour and a half.
00:16:37I got nothing to do.
00:16:39Hey, you're a nicer-looking gal, all right.
00:16:41You got it.
00:16:44And you can keep it.
00:16:59Hey, that's a nice gal, eh?
00:17:03Somebody's coming.
00:17:04Come on, boys.
00:17:04You're next, Cap.
00:17:12Say, listen, I'm looking for a couple of mugs.
00:17:15No, no.
00:17:16Say, you boys look on B-deck.
00:17:18Aye, aye, sir.
00:17:18Well, how about a shave, eh?
00:17:20Sure, give me a once-over.
00:17:22Once-over, partner.
00:17:24No, a shave.
00:17:26I'm in the face, all right.
00:17:27Say, wake me up when you get through, man.
00:17:28We take care of you, all right.
00:17:30We take it to tonsils last.
00:17:36I think we work on the mustache first.
00:17:38Give him a little snoop.
00:17:39This side's too long.
00:17:46Give him a little snoop of this side.
00:17:48Now, this side isn't too short.
00:17:52That's a too short that the other side is a too long.
00:17:56Snoop him up.
00:17:59It's better, but the side that was a too short now is a too long.
00:18:02And the side that's a too long was a too short.
00:18:03I think you've got to give him one more snoop.
00:18:08Think we'd better measure.
00:18:09It's about a foot too much.
00:18:18Hey, no, the measure's a foot too much.
00:18:23Now it looks much better.
00:18:25It can stand one more snoop in the middle, I think.
00:18:28In the middle of one snoop.
00:18:32That's fine.
00:18:34That's very good.
00:18:35I think, I think it's a little bit rough right here.
00:18:38I've fixed that.
00:18:40Hey, you know, I'm never going under this boat again.
00:18:42The food is a no good.
00:18:44Of course, I know each head.
00:18:45But even if I don't eat, I like the food good.
00:18:49One more snoop.
00:18:57Ah, that's so beautiful, eh?
00:18:59That's what you call a wake-up.
00:19:02Hey, you know, I think you give him one of snoop too much.
00:19:08And I want you to know I'm fed up on your alibis.
00:19:11Oh, take it easy.
00:19:13You're getting all excited.
00:19:15Now, where do you think you're going?
00:19:18Never mind.
00:19:19I'm running this racket.
00:19:20Just stay here and keep out of sight like I told you.
00:19:26Oh, no, you don't.
00:19:27Now listen to me, Mr. Alky-Briggs.
00:19:29You can't keep me cooped up like this.
00:19:31I've played second fiddle on this ship long enough.
00:19:34Now, you listen.
00:19:36I'm not after any dames.
00:19:38I'm after Joe Hilton, I tell you.
00:19:40And he can't get away from me on this boat.
00:19:43He's going to put his okay on my gang,
00:19:45or he's going to get this.
00:20:01Hey, who are you?
00:20:06I'm the tailor.
00:20:08Oh, that reminds me.
00:20:09Where are my pants?
00:20:11You've got them on.
00:20:15Now, pardon me while I step into the closet.
00:20:18And get a load of this.
00:20:19If you come in again at three o'clock in the morning, I've got...
00:20:22Oh, stop bothering me.
00:20:23Tell me to the tailor.
00:20:24Alky!
00:20:26Alky!
00:20:31Say, what are you doing in there?
00:20:39Nothing.
00:20:40Come on in.
00:20:42You can't stay in that closet.
00:20:45Oh, I can't, can I?
00:20:46That's what they said to Thomas Edison, mighty inventor.
00:20:48Thomas Lindbergh, mighty flyer.
00:20:50And Tomaszewski, mighty like a rose.
00:20:52Just remember, my little cabbage,
00:20:54that if there weren't any closets, there wouldn't be any hooks.
00:20:56And if there weren't any hooks, there wouldn't be any fish.
00:20:58And that would suit me fine.
00:21:01Don't try to hide.
00:21:03I know you're in that closet.
00:21:06Did you see me go in the closet?
00:21:08No.
00:21:08Am I in the closet now?
00:21:10Well, no.
00:21:11Then how do you know I was in the closet?
00:21:13Your Honor, I rest my case.
00:21:18Come here, brown eyes.
00:21:19Oh, no, you're not going to get me off this bed.
00:21:22I didn't know you were a lawyer.
00:21:23You're awfully shy for a lawyer.
00:21:25You bet I'm shy.
00:21:26I'm a shyster lawyer.
00:21:28Well, then, what do you think of an extra...
00:21:30I know, I know.
00:21:30You're a woman who's been getting nothing but dirty breaks.
00:21:33Well, we can clean and tighten your breaks,
00:21:34but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
00:21:37I want excitement.
00:21:39I want a hot...
00:21:40You don't realize it.
00:21:48But from the time he got the marriage license,
00:21:49I've learned a dog's life.
00:21:51Are you sure he didn't get a dog's license?
00:21:53Well, he can't make a fool of me.
00:21:55I want to go places.
00:21:56I want to do things.
00:21:57I want freedom.
00:21:58I want liberty.
00:21:58I want justice.
00:22:01Madam, you're making history.
00:22:02In fact, you're making me.
00:22:04And I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.
00:22:05Oh, you know what I want.
00:22:07I want life.
00:22:07I want laughter.
00:22:08I want deity.
00:22:09I want a hot...
00:22:10Madam, before I get through with you,
00:22:18you will have a clear case for divorce.
00:22:19And so will my wife.
00:22:20Now, the first thing to do is to arrange for a settlement.
00:22:23You take the children.
00:22:24Your husband takes the house.
00:22:25Junior burns down the house.
00:22:26You take the insurance.
00:22:28And I take you.
00:22:29But I haven't any children.
00:22:31That's just the trouble with this country.
00:22:32You haven't any children.
00:22:33And as for me,
00:22:34I'm going back in the closet
00:22:36where men are empty overcoats.
00:22:39Oh, brown eyes.
00:22:47Whee!
00:22:47Whee!
00:22:48Whee!
00:22:48Whee!
00:22:50Whee!
00:23:20Sir, this is an outrage.
00:23:34Breaking into a man's home.
00:23:35I'm not in the habit of making threats,
00:23:37but there'll be a letter about this
00:23:38in the Times tomorrow morning.
00:23:39Yeah, but you won't read it.
00:23:42Because I'm going to lay you out pretty.
00:23:45Oh, you're going to lay me out pretty, eh?
00:23:47That's the thanks I get for freeing an innocent girl,
00:23:50who, although she is hiding in the closet at the moment,
00:23:52has promised to become the mother of her children.
00:23:54And with that, sir,
00:23:55I bid you a fond farewell.
00:23:57Good day, sir.
00:23:59Good day.
00:24:04Come out of there.
00:24:04I want to talk to you.
00:24:06I'm sorry,
00:24:06but we're using the old-fashioned ice man,
00:24:08and we find him very satisfactory
00:24:09for keeping the house warm.
00:24:10Just as I thought you were a yeller
00:24:17grabbing at a woman's skirts.
00:24:19I'm wise, I'm wise.
00:24:21You're wise, eh?
00:24:21Well, what's the capital of Nebraska?
00:24:23What's the capital of the Chase National Bank?
00:24:25Give up?
00:24:25You...
00:24:26Now I'll try you on an easy one.
00:24:27How many Frenchmen can't be wrong?
00:24:29I know, but...
00:24:29You were warm,
00:24:30and so was she.
00:24:31But don't be discouraged.
00:24:32With a little study,
00:24:33you'll go a long ways,
00:24:34and I wish you'd start now.
00:24:35Do you see this, Garth?
00:24:37Cute, isn't it?
00:24:38Sandy Claus bring her for Christmas?
00:24:40I got a fire engine.
00:24:41Listen, Mug.
00:24:42Do you know who I am?
00:24:43Now, don't tell me.
00:24:45Are you animal or vegetable?
00:24:46Animal.
00:24:47Get this.
00:24:49I'm Alky Briggs.
00:24:50And I?
00:24:51I'm the fellow who talks so much.
00:24:52Fancy meeting you here
00:24:53after all these drinks.
00:24:59Wait a minute.
00:25:00Sorry, I can't stay.
00:25:01The captain's waiting
00:25:02to chase me around the desk.
00:25:02You can stay, all right,
00:25:04until I finish with you.
00:25:06Alky, darling, please.
00:25:07Don't, darling me.
00:25:09Get in that next room
00:25:10and stay there.
00:25:12Get in that next room.
00:25:16Oh, I'm not good enough
00:25:17for her, am I?
00:25:20Is there anything
00:25:21you've got to say
00:25:22before I drill you?
00:25:24Yes, I'd like to ask
00:25:25you one question.
00:25:26Go ahead.
00:25:28Do you think that girls
00:25:28think less of a boy
00:25:29if he lets himself be kissed?
00:25:30I mean, don't you think
00:25:31that although girls
00:25:32go out with boys like me,
00:25:33they always marry
00:25:34the other kind?
00:25:35Well, all right,
00:25:37if you're going to kill me,
00:25:38hurry up.
00:25:38I have to take my tonic or two.
00:25:40Say, I can use a guy
00:25:42with your nerve.
00:25:43I think we could get
00:25:45along well together.
00:25:46Well, of course,
00:25:47the first year we might
00:25:48have our little squabbles,
00:25:49but then that's inevitable,
00:25:50don't you think?
00:25:56And what do you want here?
00:25:58Well, I was, uh,
00:25:59I was just looking for him.
00:26:01Do you know this guy?
00:26:03Why, I've known him for years.
00:26:04He used to live
00:26:05in the next barrel to me.
00:26:07Oh, I see.
00:26:08The stowaways.
00:26:11Say, I can help you, bozos.
00:26:13Mr. Bozo's here.
00:26:14All right, Mr. Bozo.
00:26:16Then you can help me.
00:26:18I'm short-handed,
00:26:19and I want to get a guy
00:26:20on this boat.
00:26:21Well, it's too late
00:26:22to get him on now.
00:26:22You should have said
00:26:23something before we sailed.
00:26:25Listen, this is a man
00:26:27for B deck.
00:26:27There's Joe Helton's
00:26:29stateroom.
00:26:29And he's a tough egg.
00:26:32And you're coming with me
00:26:34while I have it out
00:26:36with Joe.
00:26:38Say, do you know
00:26:39who Joe Helton is?
00:26:40I think I'll get off
00:26:41this boat
00:26:41until this blows over.
00:26:42If you know
00:26:43what's good for you,
00:26:44you'll stick with me.
00:26:47Now, you keep the windows
00:26:48covered while I go in.
00:26:50Now, move.
00:26:59and you keep the windows
00:27:00moving.
00:27:02Miranda, keep the windows
00:27:03moving.
00:27:03Ah, you're gro quiz
00:27:04mine Yep!
00:27:05Alles.
00:27:06Ah!
00:27:11Ah!
00:27:12Ah!
00:27:13I don't know.
00:27:43Oh!
00:28:13What is the idea of this?
00:28:14That's all right.
00:28:15I'll make a move.
00:28:16I'll make a move.
00:28:17Come on.
00:28:18Come on.
00:28:19Come on.
00:28:40What is the idea of this?
00:28:42That's all right.
00:28:43I'll make a move for you.
00:28:44Why, this is an outrage.
00:28:45I'll call the captain.
00:28:46Captain, don't play chess.
00:28:47Pursner!
00:28:48Pursner!
00:28:49Pursner!
00:28:50Come here!
00:28:51Too much noise here.
00:28:52What is this anyway?
00:28:53I don't know.
00:28:58Come in.
00:29:04Test your car, sir.
00:29:05Thanks.
00:29:09Wait a minute.
00:29:12Oh, thank you, sir.
00:29:13Oh, Dad!
00:29:14Now look at you.
00:29:15You aren't even dressed yet.
00:29:16You can do all the dressing for the family.
00:29:17Yes, sir.
00:29:18Yes, sir.
00:29:23Oh, Dad!
00:29:24Now look at you.
00:29:25You aren't even dressed yet.
00:29:26You can do all the dressing for the family, Mary.
00:29:27Old Joe Helton is taking things easy for the rest of his life.
00:29:32We are big shots now, baby.
00:29:33Come in.
00:29:34Come in.
00:29:38Oh, yes.
00:29:39Hi, sir.
00:29:40Come in.
00:29:41Oh, dear.
00:29:42Come in, son.
00:29:43What's next?
00:29:44I've been to the family.
00:29:45That's what's right?
00:29:46Joe Helton is taking things easy for the rest of his life.
00:29:48Joe Helton, who's taking things easy for the rest of his life.
00:29:49We are big shots now, baby.
00:29:50We're big shots now, baby.
00:29:58Come in.
00:30:02Hello, Joe.
00:30:03Hello, Briggs.
00:30:05What do you want?
00:30:06Oh, I just wanted to have a friendly talk.
00:30:09You know, I'm sort of worried about business.
00:30:12Step in the other room, baby.
00:30:13Oh, but Dad...
00:30:14Run along, honey.
00:30:18You kid?
00:30:21She's cute, isn't she?
00:30:24I don't think we've got anything to talk about.
00:30:26Get out.
00:30:28Not before I get your okay on my gang.
00:30:30I'm not doing you any favors.
00:30:32Oh, yes, you are.
00:30:35They're gonna sign this.
00:30:45I'm taking over your territory...
00:30:48Or there's gonna be trouble.
00:30:50I'm taking no sides.
00:30:52You'll have to fight it out with Butch and the gang.
00:30:55I'm stepping into your shoes as boss.
00:30:58I'm not backing up in a small-time chiseler.
00:31:01Ah, don't put on the rich with me.
00:31:03Say, don't get cocky with me, Briggs.
00:31:05I'm talking turkey.
00:31:07You can't make all the dough and then run out on your pals.
00:31:09I'm not taking orders from a mug like you.
00:31:14Scram!
00:31:15So that's your answer, huh?
00:31:16Well, here's mine.
00:31:26You got your gang with you, eh?
00:31:28Well, I'll get you later.
00:31:29Here.
00:31:33Who are you guys?
00:31:36What are you doing in my room?
00:31:37That's my partner.
00:31:38But he not speak.
00:31:39He's dumbing it off.
00:31:45You guys don't know it.
00:31:46But you're just scared a pretty tough egg out of this room.
00:31:49Sure, we're a couple of tough guys.
00:31:51You want to make some money?
00:31:52Money!
00:31:53Hey!
00:31:54Peel of this muscle.
00:31:57Peel of his muscle.
00:32:01All right, all right.
00:32:02How much do you pay?
00:32:04Well, just how tough are you?
00:32:05Well, you pay a little bit with a little bit tough.
00:32:07You pay very much, very much tough.
00:32:08You pay too much with too much tough.
00:32:10How much do you pay?
00:32:11I pay plenty.
00:32:12Well, then we're plenty tough.
00:32:14And we show you, too.
00:32:15Hey, partner.
00:32:16Show them how tough we are.
00:32:21See?
00:32:22That's nothing.
00:32:23That's free.
00:32:24Now we give you the real stuff this time.
00:32:26Hey, come on.
00:32:27Put some pep in it.
00:32:28The one-two uppercut.
00:32:29You know, on the bottom.
00:32:31No, no.
00:32:32No downstairs the bottom.
00:32:33Upstairs the bottom.
00:32:43That's the front, eh?
00:32:44That's the wood, all right.
00:32:45I tell them you're tough and you're punched like a lily.
00:32:47What's the matter for you?
00:32:48You want to lose this job?
00:32:50Give them the stuff this time.
00:32:51Excuse me, boss.
00:32:52He couldn't do much better.
00:32:53But he no work good today.
00:32:54You see?
00:32:55He no get paid.
00:32:56And when he get paid, you watch.
00:32:57Come on.
00:32:58This time I give him the works.
00:32:59Come on.
00:33:00Hurry up.
00:33:01Under the bottom this time.
00:33:02Come on, I tell you.
00:33:03Under the bottom.
00:33:04Come on.
00:33:05Hurry up.
00:33:06Come on.
00:33:07Give him the punch.
00:33:08Come on.
00:33:09Come on.
00:33:10All right.
00:33:11All right.
00:33:12Come on.
00:33:13Punch.
00:33:14Hey, hey, hey.
00:33:15That's enough.
00:33:16Wait.
00:33:17Well, what do you think of us?
00:33:18You're great.
00:33:19Shh.
00:33:20Not so loud.
00:33:21You want him to get a slow head?
00:33:22You guys are plenty tough, all right.
00:33:24I'm spying on you.
00:33:27You're just the fellows I need.
00:33:28You're hired.
00:33:29Hey, we're great, eh?
00:33:30You're great.
00:33:31Sure, my partner's great.
00:33:32He's great.
00:33:33My grandfather's great.
00:33:34He's a great-grandfather.
00:33:35When Helton comes out of his room, plug him.
00:33:36Yeah?
00:33:37What'll we plug him with?
00:33:38Didn't I give you two gats?
00:33:39Well, we had to drown the gats.
00:33:40Well, we saved you a little black gitten.
00:33:41But we saved you a little black gitten.
00:33:42But we saved you a little black gitten.
00:33:43Here.
00:33:44Take these and hang on to them now.
00:33:49Don't leave me for a minute.
00:33:50And keep your eye on that guy that just went out of here.
00:33:53Now you understand?
00:33:54Anybody come near the boss, let them have it.
00:33:56You're all right now, boys.
00:33:58Anybody come near the boss?
00:33:59Let them have it.
00:34:00You're all right now, boss.
00:34:01Anybody come near the bosse.
00:34:02Don't say that you're good.
00:34:03Bosse.
00:34:04Bosse.
00:34:05Well, put your leg in.
00:34:06Bosse.
00:34:07We'll get it.
00:34:08You don't have him.
00:34:09You never know too.
00:34:10Align.
00:34:11That's why, Bosse.
00:34:12Anybody comes near you?
00:34:14Hey, I'm somewhat over you.
00:34:15Well, look out.
00:34:16It's all right.
00:34:16He was just practicing.
00:34:17Arrubla, butch.
00:34:18Yeah, well.
00:34:19Now I can take a walk out on deck and feel safe.
00:34:21Come on, let's go.
00:34:31There he comes now.
00:34:32Get him.
00:34:33Don't worry.
00:34:34We'll get him.
00:34:35I've got my finger on the trigger.
00:34:42Hey, don't forget.
00:34:44Anybody comes near the boss, let him have it.
00:35:12Hey, it's the boss.
00:35:15He's got a disguise.
00:35:17Take off the whiskers.
00:35:18We know you.
00:35:19Ouch!
00:35:20What do you mean?
00:35:21Officer!
00:35:22Officer!
00:35:23Officer!
00:35:24Officer!
00:35:25Well, why didn't you get him?
00:35:26Not afraid, are you?
00:35:27Afraid?
00:35:28Me?
00:35:29A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars?
00:35:30Afraid?
00:35:31Afraid?
00:35:32You bet I'm afraid.
00:35:35So...
00:35:36Hello.
00:35:37I'm so scared.
00:35:39You're so scared.
00:35:40Hey, it's the boss.
00:35:41He's got a disguise.
00:35:42Take off the whiskers.
00:35:43We know you.
00:35:44What do you mean?
00:35:46Officer!
00:35:47Officer!
00:35:48Officer!
00:35:49Officer!
00:35:50Officer!
00:35:51Well, why didn't you get him?
00:35:52Not afraid, are you?
00:35:54Afraid?
00:35:55How are things in the closet?
00:35:57You know, I still smell of mothballs.
00:35:58Well, I don't want to talk to you.
00:36:13So here you are, loafing around with these tramps.
00:36:16I tell you, I come down to see Joe Helton.
00:36:17Don't you think we'd better go?
00:36:19What?
00:36:19And leave this woman here alone with her husband?
00:36:21Suppose her sweetheart came in.
00:36:23Let me tell you, Alky Briggs.
00:36:24Don't think you can keep me cooped up in that state room below because you're crazy.
00:36:27You're going to stay down there like I told you and keep out of my business.
00:36:30Do you understand?
00:36:31Keep out of my business.
00:36:32Your turn.
00:36:33Oh, you are going to show me a good time.
00:36:35A good time.
00:36:36Well, I might as well have stayed home and played solitaire.
00:36:39Your turn.
00:36:39Pipe down, will you?
00:36:40I have more important things than you to worry about.
00:36:43Your turn.
00:36:43You stay down again and I'll scratch your eyes out.
00:36:46Here, big boy.
00:36:46You take this gun.
00:36:47You're going to need it more than I will.
00:36:49No, you.
00:36:54You're just the man I want to see.
00:37:09If I could show you how to save 20%, would you be interested?
00:37:11Of course you would.
00:37:12In the first place, your overhead is too high and your brow is too low.
00:37:15Interested already, aren't you?
00:37:16All right.
00:37:17Now, just wait till I get through.
00:37:18I haven't got time.
00:37:19Now, there are two fellas trying to attack you, aren't there?
00:37:21And there are two fellas trying to defend you.
00:37:23Now, that's 50% waste.
00:37:25Now, why can't you be attacked by your own bodyguards?
00:37:27Your life will be saved and that's 100% waste.
00:37:29Now, what do you got?
00:37:30You still got me and I'll attack you for nothing.
00:37:32Say, what are you getting at?
00:37:33I anticipated that question.
00:37:34How does an army travel on its stomach?
00:37:36How do you travel on a ship?
00:37:37Of course, you're saving your stomach.
00:37:38Now, that same common sense...
00:37:40I don't think you realize...
00:37:41Oh, I realize it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me.
00:37:44I've wake myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
00:37:46Now, what do you say?
00:37:47I'll tell you what I say.
00:37:48All right, then it's all settled.
00:37:50I'm to be your new bodyguard.
00:37:51In case I'm going to attack you, I'll have to be there to defend you, too.
00:37:54Now, let me know when you want to be attacked and I'll be there 10 minutes later to defend you.
00:37:57I've already got two bodyguards, but I'll think it over.
00:38:17You're welcome.
00:38:19What's the matter with you?
00:38:20I've got a frog in my throat.
00:38:21What?
00:38:22A frog.
00:38:23A frog in my throat.
00:38:24Oh, you've got a frog in your throat.
00:38:26You can't get to my customers.
00:38:30Come now.
00:38:31Say, what's the matter with you?
00:38:32Are you crazy or something?
00:38:33What's the matter with you?
00:38:34Are you crazy or something?
00:38:36You're insane.
00:38:38Hear, I'll get to my gym.
00:38:38I'm a bishop.
00:38:39Oh, boy.
00:38:40Oh, boy.
00:38:41I'll get to my own country.
00:38:42I know it's a bad thing.
00:38:43Oh, boy.
00:38:44You have a boat to go hand over.
00:38:45I'll get to it.
00:38:46Good girl.
00:38:47Bye.
00:38:48My dad's off.
00:38:49Oh, boy.
00:38:50I know it's a bad thing.
00:38:50I know it's a bad thing.
00:38:51I know it's bad.
00:38:52Have you a landing cart and passports ready, please?
00:39:07How do you do, Madam Swimshie?
00:39:08Oh, hello, boys.
00:39:10Any statement for the press this time?
00:39:11No, I'm afraid not.
00:39:13Nothing of interest on this last tour.
00:39:15Is it true that the opera's on the decline in Central Europe, ma'am?
00:39:17Absurd!
00:39:18I predict they're going to have the greatest year they've ever had in Grand Opera.
00:39:22Pardon me, is it true that you're going to get married again while on this tour?
00:39:25Why, gentlemen, I don't know what to say.
00:39:29Gentlemen, I'd say just this.
00:39:30The bicycle will never replace the horse.
00:39:32On the other hand, the horse will never replace the bicycle,
00:39:34which is quite a horse on the bicycle if I ever saw one,
00:39:36and I don't think I ever saw one.
00:39:38I dare you to print that, you muckrakers.
00:39:40Have a cigar, babe.
00:39:41Okay for the picture, Joe.
00:39:42Pictures?
00:39:43Here's a little sex stuff for your front page.
00:39:46Now, hold it steady, please.
00:39:52And you can say it was a real love match.
00:39:57We married for money.
00:39:58Ain't I shrinking, Violet?
00:39:59Say, it wouldn't hurt you to shrink 30 or 40 pounds.
00:40:01Oh, you impudent cad.
00:40:03I'll report you to your paper.
00:40:04I'll thank you to let me do the reporting.
00:40:06Is it true you're getting a divorce as soon as your husband recovers his eyesight?
00:40:09Is it true you wash your hair in clam broth?
00:40:11Is it true you used to dance in a fleece circus?
00:40:13This is outrageous.
00:40:14If you don't stop, I'll call the captain.
00:40:16Oh, so that's it.
00:40:17Infatuated with a pretty uniform.
00:40:19We don't count after we've given you the best years of our life.
00:40:21You have to have an officer.
00:40:22I don't like this innuendo.
00:40:24That's what I always say.
00:40:25Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
00:40:28Well, goodbye.
00:40:28It's nice to have seen you.
00:40:30But I've got nobody to blame but myself.
00:40:31Ta-ta.
00:40:32Now, could you tell me...
00:40:33Oh, please.
00:40:35You're awfully glum.
00:40:37I was just thinking.
00:40:39After the boat lands, I may never see you again.
00:40:42Does it matter to you whether you ever see me again?
00:40:45I can't think of anything in the world that matters more.
00:40:50Mary, I'll never leave you.
00:40:59Thanks.
00:41:00Thanks.
00:41:01Thanks.
00:41:03Thanks.
00:41:08Wait a minute.
00:41:09Wait a minute.
00:41:09Well, I'm just trying to sneak off the boat, that's all.
00:41:11I'm looking for the man who wants me to have to go.
00:41:13Where's your passport?
00:41:18Let me have him, huh?
00:41:22I don't like to speak about it, officer,
00:41:23but I happen to be a good friend of the man
00:41:25who supplies the meat for this boat.
00:41:26Well?
00:41:27Well, do you like lamb chops?
00:41:29Yes.
00:41:29Whatever.
00:41:30Well, this man doesn't handle any lamb chops,
00:41:31but the roast beef is very good today.
00:41:33Say now, listen.
00:41:34You fellas can't get off this boat.
00:41:35We have to get off this boat.
00:41:36Oh, you're a veteran.
00:41:37Now, let's get on back there at the end of the land.
00:41:39I don't have to get off this boat.
00:41:40Go on, get back.
00:41:41I don't think so.
00:41:44Stuffed shirt.
00:41:45You know, when he said that to me,
00:41:46you could have knocked me over with a feather.
00:41:50He gives you service.
00:41:54Well, it looks like we're up against it.
00:41:56It's up to you to get us a passport.
00:42:01Well, I got you, didn't I?
00:42:03Well, you'll have to get up pretty early in the morning
00:42:05to steal from me.
00:42:06He did get up early this morning, but you weren't here.
00:42:08Could he see you sometime tomorrow?
00:42:09Well, come on.
00:42:12Let's try another one, huh?
00:42:16What's the idea of putting your hand in my pocket?
00:42:18Just a little mistake.
00:42:19I had a suit once look just like that,
00:42:21and for a minute I thought those were my pants.
00:42:23How could it be your pants when I ain't got them on?
00:42:25Well, this suit has two pair of pants.
00:42:27Better keep your hand to yourself.
00:42:29All right.
00:42:30You know who's on this boat?
00:42:31Now, Maurice Chevalier, the movie actor.
00:42:32I just ran into him.
00:42:34Did you write him?
00:42:34No.
00:42:34How do you know what's Chevalier?
00:42:36I got his passport.
00:42:37Right there.
00:42:38Now, he can't get off the boat.
00:42:41Hey, he looks like Chevalier.
00:42:42Yes, as a stranger.
00:42:43And I can look like Chevalier.
00:42:44Well, I said he looked like Chevalier.
00:42:45But that's not enough.
00:42:46You've got to sing one of Chevalier's songs
00:42:48to get off this boat.
00:42:49If a nightingale could sing like you,
00:42:52they sing much better than you do.
00:42:55Now, Sandy, you sing like that,
00:42:56and they'll throw us all off the boat.
00:42:57Well, let's try.
00:42:58Well, let's try.
00:42:58All right.
00:42:59Come on.
00:42:59Come on.
00:43:00Let's go.
00:43:00Have your passport, Ray.
00:43:01Now, let me write a bit out.
00:43:02You'll find the baggage on the deck.
00:43:05Okay.
00:43:06Have your passport ready.
00:43:07Keep in line, everybody.
00:43:09945.
00:43:11Keep in line, everybody.
00:43:12Have your passport ready.
00:43:151092.
00:43:21Never mind that.
00:43:22Hey, if you want to get off the boat,
00:43:24get in the back.
00:43:25Oh, I didn't get out of the back.
00:43:26I get out of the front.
00:43:26Never mind, Ralph.
00:43:27Get out of here.
00:43:29You're perfectly right, officers.
00:43:30I told those fellows to stay in line.
00:43:31Yeah, well, let me see your passport.
00:43:33Yeah, right there.
00:43:34That's my name.
00:43:36Maurice Chevalier, eh?
00:43:38Yeah.
00:43:39Hey, this picture doesn't look like you.
00:43:40Sure, I'm Maurice Chevalier.
00:43:42I'll sing for you.
00:43:43If a nightingale could sing like you,
00:43:47they sing much better than they do.
00:43:50Hey, never mind this.
00:43:52Get back in the line where you belong.
00:43:53I did great.
00:43:55Yeah, I was the way your kids were.
00:43:56Now, let me see your passport.
00:43:58Say, I told you what.
00:43:59You're the way your passport.
00:44:00Say, this picture doesn't look like you.
00:44:01I know it don't look like me from the front,
00:44:02but you go in the back of the boat just like me.
00:44:04Say, you're not Maurice Chevalier.
00:44:05Are you Maurice Chevalier?
00:44:06No.
00:44:07Well, there you are.
00:44:08Wait, I've proven.
00:44:09If a nightingale seem like you,
00:44:11sing much better than you do and...
00:44:13Get out!
00:44:14Hey, no, push me.
00:44:15Get out of here.
00:44:16Get back in the line where you belong.
00:44:18Pat!
00:44:19Get out of here.
00:44:20Get out of here.
00:44:21Get back in the line where you belong.
00:44:23Get out of here.
00:44:24Get out of here.
00:44:25Get back in the line where you belong.
00:44:27Pat wants it.
00:44:28Pat wants it.
00:44:31Say, this picture doesn't look like you.
00:44:33Well, it doesn't look like you either.
00:44:34This man has no mustache.
00:44:36Well, the barbershop wasn't open this morning.
00:44:38Why, look at that face.
00:44:39Oh, look at that face.
00:44:40All right, look at that face.
00:44:41Hey, are you going to identify yourself or else?
00:44:43If a nightingale could be like you.
00:44:46You will see what's fitter than they do.
00:44:48You are new kind of father.
00:44:50Hey, look at that face.
00:44:51Out of you.
00:44:54Out, back in the line where you belong in the morning.
00:44:55Get out of here.
00:44:56Get out of here.
00:44:58Get out of here.
00:44:59Let me now!
00:45:00Forget that face.
00:45:01perfection, grinning.
00:45:02Get out of here.
00:45:03Get out of here.
00:45:04Get out of here.
00:45:06Sex it away.
00:45:08Xiang.
00:45:09Passport!
00:45:11I said passport, not page board.
00:45:14Come on with a passport.
00:45:17Not washboard!
00:45:19Passport!
00:45:21Chevalier!
00:45:23Chevalier!
00:45:25Chevalier!
00:45:27Chevalier!
00:45:29Chevalier!
00:45:31Chevalier!
00:45:33Chevalier!
00:45:35Chevalier!
00:45:37Chevalier!
00:45:38Two, one, two, three, two, three...
00:45:40A little two, three, three, four, three, four, three...
00:45:42...impact, okay!
00:45:44One, two, three, four, three, five...
00:45:46...a new devil, had licked upon you...
00:45:48...for you brought a new kind of love to me.
00:45:51It's a sad manner throwing me dreams of you.
00:45:55...that let you live my whole life through...
00:45:59...for you brought a new kind of love to me.
00:46:03Get him out of here.
00:46:05Put him back.
00:46:07Put him back there where he belongs.
00:46:09Take it easy, folks.
00:46:11The bank is to the left, please.
00:46:13Don't crowd.
00:46:15Take your time, ladies.
00:46:17Let me off the boat.
00:46:19I'm a sick man.
00:46:21I feel pain.
00:46:23I can't take your time.
00:46:25I feel pain.
00:46:27I feel pain.
00:46:29I feel pain.
00:46:31I'm going to...
00:46:33Get a doctor.
00:46:35Where's the doctor?
00:46:37A doctor.
00:46:39I want a doctor.
00:46:41Look, she's got chills.
00:46:43Cover her up.
00:46:45No, no, no. Get off.
00:46:47Take a pulse.
00:46:49Put him back.
00:46:51I think you best take the temperature.
00:46:53We take care of you, lady.
00:46:55All right, all right, all right.
00:46:57Oh, you fools.
00:46:59I'm not the patient.
00:47:01Well, we're not the doctor.
00:47:03Come on.
00:47:04Doctor.
00:47:05Is there a doctor on the boat?
00:47:06Doctor.
00:47:07Doctor.
00:47:08Doctor.
00:47:09Are you a doctor?
00:47:10Sure, I'm a doctor.
00:47:11Where's the horse?
00:47:12Why, a man's painted over here.
00:47:13A man's painted?
00:47:14I'll soon fix him.
00:47:15It's my hard luck.
00:47:16It couldn't be a woman.
00:47:17Just as I thought.
00:47:18Smoking too much.
00:47:19Here he is here, doctor.
00:47:20Don't tell me.
00:47:21I'll find him myself.
00:47:26Fine, doctor.
00:47:27I can't do anything for that man.
00:47:28He's fainted.
00:47:29What he needs is an ocean voyage.
00:47:30In the meantime, get him off the boat and have his baggage examined.
00:47:35I can't do anything for that man. He's fainted.
00:47:38What he needs is an ocean voyage.
00:47:41In the meantime, get him off the boat and have his baggage examined.
00:47:44Anyway!
00:47:45Will you all get close so he won't recover?
00:47:47Here, right this way.
00:47:48Step right around.
00:48:05Hey!
00:48:07Back that ambulance in here!
00:48:09Hey!
00:48:10Hey!
00:48:11Hey!
00:48:12Hey!
00:48:13Hey!
00:48:14Hey!
00:48:15Hey!
00:48:16Hey!
00:48:17Hey!
00:48:18Hey!
00:48:19Hey!
00:48:20Hey!
00:48:26Helton's throne is party tonight.
00:48:29And this time we blow the works.
00:48:31Now you guys are going in as musicians.
00:48:34And stay that way until I give you the office.
00:48:36Hey!
00:48:37What about those four guys in the house?
00:48:39The ones that you said were on the boat.
00:48:40Ah!
00:48:41Don't worry about them.
00:48:42They are out of my hands.
00:48:43The thing for you to worry about is that girl.
00:48:46Keep your eye on her.
00:48:47Get me?
00:48:48All will be easy to take.
00:48:50Okay.
00:48:51Sit tight and I'll give you a call.
00:49:04All right.
00:49:05Have you guys got an invitation?
00:49:19Say, have you guys got an invitation?
00:49:22We give the invitation of Chevalier.
00:49:25When the nightingale sing like you...
00:49:28That's it.
00:49:29Cut it out.
00:49:30And stay away from the store.
00:49:32See?
00:49:49Mary.
00:49:59You certainly had me worried.
00:50:01I thought you'd forgotten your own party.
00:50:03You haven't been doing all the worrying.
00:50:05I was afraid you wouldn't come.
00:50:19My, but there are a lot of strange looking people here.
00:50:40Ladies and gentlemen, quiet everybody, quiet.
00:50:43A lady's diamond earring has been lost.
00:50:45It looks exactly like this.
00:50:47In fact, this is it.
00:50:49I've been here, Park.
00:50:51How about you and I passing out on the veranda?
00:50:53Or would you rather pass out here?
00:50:55Sir, you have the advantage of me.
00:50:57Not yet I haven't, but wait till I get you outside.
00:51:00You look pretty fresh, aren't you?
00:51:02Hey, that's my wife.
00:51:03I don't like the way you're hiking around here.
00:51:05Well, if you don't like our country, why don't you go back where you came from?
00:51:08Say, I ought to sink that right in your scalp.
00:51:10Run for your life.
00:51:11The Indians are coming.
00:51:12What?
00:51:13Put your scalp in your pocket.
00:51:14Here, the Indians.
00:51:15Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:51:16Come here, please.
00:51:17I'll get you.
00:51:18No, please.
00:51:19Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:51:21Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:51:22Have a good time, kid.
00:51:23This is going to be a real party.
00:51:25You call this a party?
00:51:26The beer is warm, the women are cold, and I'm hot under the collar.
00:51:29In fact, a more poisonous little barbecue I've never attended.
00:51:32Say, you're a funny kind of a duck, but I like you.
00:51:35You'll stuck by me, and I'll stick by you.
00:51:37Sheriff, I ain't much on flowery sentiments, but there's something I've just got to tell you.
00:51:42Shucks, man, I'd be nothing but a poisonous vomit, and not fitting to touch the hem of your pants.
00:51:46If I didn't tell you, you'd treat me squire.
00:51:49Mighty squire.
00:51:50And I ain't forgetting.
00:51:51I ain't forgetting.
00:51:52Where is it?
00:51:53Good boy.
00:51:54I feel like they got it.
00:51:55Sheriff, I ain't forgetting.
00:51:58Woo-da, bossy.
00:51:59Woo-da.
00:52:00Woo-da, bossy.
00:52:02Woo-da.
00:52:03My friends, this is indeed a surprise.
00:52:20You couldn't have pleased me better.
00:52:23And now, I want you to meet the sweetest little thing in the whole wide world.
00:52:30Hey.
00:52:31Yes, sir?
00:52:32Oh, no, sir.
00:52:33Uh, this is special for Mr. Hilton, sir.
00:52:34You see this?
00:52:35Come back in a half hour, and I'll give you another look at it.
00:52:37Come back in a half hour, and I'll give you another look at it.
00:53:00Listen.
00:53:01Keep your eye on Hilton.
00:53:02We're going to grab his daughter and take her to the old barn.
00:53:03Old barn?
00:53:04A fine tin horn sport you are, with all the good shows in town, taking a girl to an old barn.
00:53:09Ha!
00:53:10Once we get a hold of that girl, he'll take orders from me, and believe me, I'll show him...
00:53:13Enough of this small talk.
00:53:14Where's your wife, Lucille?
00:53:15Would you?
00:53:16Shh.
00:53:17Someone's coming.
00:53:18I'll be back.
00:53:19All right.
00:53:20Be back next Thursday, and bring a specimen of your handwriting.
00:53:21And above all, don't worry.
00:53:22Shhh!
00:53:23Shhh!
00:53:24Shhh!
00:53:25Shhh!
00:53:26Shhh!
00:53:27Shhh!
00:53:28Shhh!
00:53:29Shhh!
00:53:30Shhh!
00:53:31Shhh!
00:53:32Shhh!
00:53:33Shhh!
00:53:34Shhh!
00:53:35Shhh!
00:53:36Shhh!
00:53:37Shhh!
00:53:38Shhh!
00:53:39Shhh!
00:53:40Shhh!
00:53:41Shhh!
00:53:43Shhh!
00:53:44Shhh!
00:53:45Shhh!
00:53:46Shhh!
00:53:47Shhh!
00:53:48Shhh!
00:53:49Shhh!
00:53:50Shhh!
00:53:51Shhh!
00:53:52Ah, tis midsummer madness.
00:53:54The music is in my temples.
00:53:56The hot blood of youth.
00:53:58Come, capelmeister, let the violas throb.
00:54:00My regiment leaves at dawn.
00:54:22Oh, I guess my regiment can go without me.
00:54:42Oh, no, no, no, don't.
00:54:44My husband might be inside me.
00:54:46If he finds me out here, he'll wallop me.
00:54:48Always thinking of your husband.
00:54:50Couldn't I wallop you just as well?
00:54:51Oh, I heard Alky talking about this party.
00:54:54Oh, I've dreamed of a night like this, I tell you.
00:54:56Now you tell me about some of your dreams.
00:54:58Dreams? I can't even sleep anymore...
00:55:01wondering who he's chasing around with.
00:55:03Oh, why can't we break away from all this?
00:55:05Just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills.
00:55:08I mean, flee to my lodge in the hills.
00:55:10Oh, no, I couldn't think of it.
00:55:12Don't be afraid. You can join this lodge for a few pennies.
00:55:15And you won't even have to take a physical examination...
00:55:17unless you insist on one.
00:55:19What a swell home life I've got.
00:55:23But I think I'd almost marry you...
00:55:26despite that double-crossing crook.
00:55:30Mrs. Briggs...
00:55:32I've known and respected your husband, Alky, for many years.
00:55:35And what's good enough for him is good enough for me.
00:55:37Look!
00:55:39Oh, Emily!
00:55:49Oh, Henry, carefully. Somebody may see.
00:55:52Oh, I've been careful too long.
00:55:54Well, now that you brought that up, just how long have you been careful?
00:55:56Oh, they soft!
00:55:57Now be calm, Emily. I'll talk to them.
00:55:59You won't say anything about this, will you?
00:56:01Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much?
00:56:03Oh, but you don't understand.
00:56:05You see, I'm not happy with my husband.
00:56:07He should have married some little housewife.
00:56:09Madam, I resent that.
00:56:10Some of my best friends are housewives.
00:56:15Now see here, if you're going to talk like that...
00:56:16Listen here, you're living in a fool's paradise.
00:56:18You intend to spend $10 to buy this woman a ring?
00:56:20Look at this.
00:56:21It's solid brass and a buck and a half takes it away.
00:56:23What do you say?
00:56:24I know it'll fit her.
00:56:25I got it from the nose of a savage.
00:56:26What?
00:56:27Well, a buck and a half.
00:56:29You can have it for a dollar.
00:56:3150 cents and not a nickel under.
00:56:33Now then, my friends, what am I offered for this fine French piece of bric-a-brac?
00:56:37Oh, I know what it is to be unhappy.
00:56:39How do you think I feel? Here I am stuck with this ring.
00:56:41I've been married for four years.
00:56:43Four years of neglect.
00:56:44Four years of battling.
00:56:45Four years of heartbreaks.
00:56:46That makes 12 years.
00:56:47You must have been married in Rumpas.
00:56:49Mighty pretty country around there.
00:56:51You think you'll ever go back?
00:56:53Come here, babe. I like you.
00:56:55Oh, I shouldn't.
00:56:56What about my husband?
00:56:57That's all right.
00:56:58Maybe we can get a girl for him.
00:57:08Who was that?
00:57:09My wife?
00:57:10Married to her 12 years and you have to ask me?
00:57:11What are you doing out here?
00:57:12I thought I told you to spy on Helton.
00:57:14I did spy on him.
00:57:15What was he doing?
00:57:16He was spying on me.
00:57:17Did he see you?
00:57:18No, I was too foxy for him.
00:57:19All he could do was spy on me.
00:57:20Well, get back in there.
00:57:21We're all set to cop his girl.
00:57:23Okay, Chief.
00:57:24Hey.
00:57:25They got us some good stuff outside.
00:57:26You want a drink?
00:57:27You ready, boys?
00:57:28Let's go.
00:57:29Let's go.
00:57:30Let's go.
00:57:31Let's go.
00:57:32Hey.
00:57:33Hey.
00:57:34They got us some good stuff outside.
00:57:47You want a drink?
00:57:48You ready, boys?
00:57:49Let's go.
00:57:51Let's go.
00:57:52You ready, boys?
00:57:53Let's go.
00:57:54Let's go.
00:57:56Let's go.
00:57:57Let's go.
00:57:58Let's go.
00:58:29I beat you that fine.
00:59:41Mary Swell.
00:59:43Say, let me get you a glass of wine.
00:59:44I love it.
00:59:46Just what I needed to do.
00:59:56Well, well.
00:59:57How are they coming, kid?
00:59:58Getting everything you want?
00:59:59Sure.
01:00:00But how about a job for my grandfather?
01:00:01Your grandfather?
01:00:02What does he do?
01:00:03He puts cheese in the mouse traps.
01:00:04Why?
01:00:05We haven't got any mice here.
01:00:06Oh, that's all right.
01:00:07He brings his own mice with him.
01:00:08Oh, that's all right.
01:00:09He brings his own mice with him.
01:00:10You know, Mary.
01:00:11Everyone seems to be having fun.
01:00:12You know, Mary.
01:00:13Everyone seems to be having fun.
01:00:14You know, Mary.
01:00:15nearly as much fun as I am.
01:00:16I beg your pardon.
01:00:17But there's someone to see you, Mr.
01:00:20Pelton.
01:00:21Pardon me a minute.
01:00:22And I'll hurry right back.
01:00:35Really?
01:00:36You have anything to do?
01:00:37That's all right.
01:00:38That's all right.
01:00:39I got a little hear.
01:00:40Well, we haven't got any mice here.
01:00:41Oh, that's all right.
01:00:42He brings his own mice with him.
01:00:45You know, Mary.
01:00:46Everyone seems to be having nearly as much fun as I am.
01:00:48Don't kill him.
01:01:08Now you're wrong, girls.
01:01:09You're wrong.
01:01:10In the first place, Gary Cooper is much taller than I am.
01:01:15I wish you'd announced this thing, or I can't make out the name.
01:01:18Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to announce that a buffet supper will be served in the next room in five minutes.
01:01:23In order to get you in that room quickly, Mrs. Schmalhausen will sing a soprano solo in this room.
01:01:48I wish to sing a soprano solo in this room, but I wish to sing a soprano solo in this room.
01:02:12O sole mio, dance ante a te.
01:02:20O sole, o sole mio, dance ante a te.
01:02:35O sole, dance ante a te.
01:02:43O sole mio, dance ante a te.
01:02:51O sole, o sole mio, dance ante a te.
01:03:05O sole, o sole mio, dance ante a te.
01:03:19O sole, o sole, o sole mio, dance ante a te.
01:03:33Oh!
01:03:35Oh!
01:03:37Oh!
01:03:40Oh!
01:03:43The tree.
01:03:46Oh!
01:03:53Hey, that's for no good.
01:03:55You want to get thrown out again?
01:03:56Play something nice.
01:03:57I tell you what you play, play.
01:03:59Ta-da-da-da-rum-tum, ta-da-da-da-rum-tum, ta-da-da-da-rum-tum-tum.
01:04:05That's it.
01:04:06Oh, that's so beautiful. That's so magnifical.
01:04:09Oh, I like that.
01:04:29I love you.
01:04:38It's not so beautiful.
01:06:14My daughter, do something.
01:06:16But who could have done it?
01:06:18It's that Alky Briggs.
01:06:19You saw them drag her into the car?
01:06:21Where did they take her?
01:06:23Where did they take her?
01:06:24You see, first they blindfolded me and then they turned me around.
01:06:26Of course, of course.
01:06:27They took her to the barn.
01:06:28Say, fellas, let's all pack up a nice little lunch and go down to the old barn, eh?
01:06:31Fred, you go down by the North Road.
01:06:34Jack, you head down by Front Street.
01:06:36I'll go and pick up a couple of the boys.
01:06:38I'll take you and pick up a couple of the boys.
01:06:40Women, this is no time for women.
01:06:43On to the barn.
01:06:44Gee, I wish I had a horse.
01:06:48Let me go.
01:07:01Let me go.
01:07:03Let me go.
01:07:04No use yelling, kid.
01:07:05Nobody will hear you here.
01:07:07You wait till my father hears about this.
01:07:09Well, he's going to hear about it because I'm going to tell him myself.
01:07:12Listen, take it easy.
01:07:14You're not going anyplace.
01:07:15Don't get all excited.
01:07:16You take your hands off of me.
01:07:17Whoa.
01:07:19Listen, kid.
01:07:20Nobody's going to hurt you.
01:07:21You'll be out of here in an hour if your old man comes through.
01:07:23But you take care of the girl while I telephone Joe.
01:07:25Come on, you guys.
01:07:26Don't get your hands off of me.
01:07:41Now make yourself at home, but shut up.
01:07:53Dollar ten.
01:07:54Here's a dollar.
01:07:55Keep the change.
01:07:56Well, I said a dollar ten.
01:07:58All right.
01:07:58Give me the dollar.
01:07:59I'll keep the change.
01:07:59That's a half a dollar I owe.
01:08:09You call this a barn?
01:08:10This looks like a stable.
01:08:12Well, if you look at it, it's a barn.
01:08:13If you smell it, it's a stable.
01:08:14Well, let's just look at it.
01:08:17Get out of here!
01:08:19Hey, have you got a girl up in that hayloft?
01:08:21No!
01:08:22Then you're a bigger fool than I thought you were.
01:08:23Beat it, I tell you!
01:08:24What did you say?
01:08:26I said beat it!
01:08:31Pardon me, what did you say?
01:08:32I said beat it!
01:08:34He said beat it.
01:08:35Gee, I wish I'd have said that.
01:08:36Everybody's repeating it around the club.
01:08:38I'm coming down here and get you!
01:08:41Don't bother.
01:08:41We'll come right up.
01:08:42Come on, I'm going in and get him.
01:08:43Well, here we are at the old barn, all set for a nice picnic lunch.
01:09:00Oh, gosh, the picnic is off.
01:09:02We haven't got any red ants.
01:09:03I know an Indian's got a couple of red ants.
01:09:06Hey, don't you think we'd better go look for the girl?
01:09:08That's wait till we get through eating.
01:09:09There's hardly enough lunch for two.
01:09:11I don't see why she couldn't get kidnapped near a restaurant.
01:09:15Some dark night, I think I'll come here and lay for you if the hens don't get sore.
01:09:21Here.
01:09:22Go over to that filling station and get some milk.
01:09:24Grade A.
01:09:24Well, come on, come on.
01:09:29Where's the milk?
01:09:30There's a customer ahead of me.
01:09:35Hey!
01:09:37What are you doing here?
01:09:38What are we doing?
01:09:39What about you?
01:09:40Kidnapping a girl.
01:09:41Nice old-fashioned piece of melodrama, kidnapping a girl.
01:09:44You've been reading too many dime novels.
01:09:46Go on, you get them.
01:09:47I'll wait for the outside.
01:09:49Keep out of this loft.
01:09:51Well, it's better to have loft than lost than never to have loft at all.
01:09:54Nice work.
01:09:55Beat it or I told you out!
01:10:24Get your face out of my foot.
01:10:28I'll stop you.
01:10:29Oh, I'll stop you.
01:10:37Oh, thought you were afraid, eh?
01:10:39Thought you were afraid, isn't it?
01:10:46I'm going to give it to you guys, right?
01:10:49Yeah, butch!
01:11:05Butch, butch!
01:11:06What happened?
01:11:07Hey!
01:11:09You!
01:11:09Get out of that loft!
01:11:10What happened, old man?
01:11:12Come out of here.
01:11:14Come out of here, bud.
01:11:20Where's all those farmers' daughters
01:11:22I've been hearing about for years?
01:11:34Why don't you boys fight over there?
01:11:36You want to break my glasses?
01:11:38Come on, folks. Step that up.
01:11:40Only ten cents a chance.
01:11:42That a boy. Here you are.
01:11:44Ten cents gets you. Look at that.
01:11:46The only game in the stable.
01:11:48Let's see. Number 16 wins and the lucky number.
01:11:50There you are, young man.
01:11:52Sorry you didn't get a better one.
01:11:54Here we go.
01:11:56Let's see what comes up.
01:11:58Well, well, if he isn't the lucky guy.
01:12:00Double O. Two socks for the price of one.
01:12:02Folks, this is the best game in all.
01:12:04You're a mother.
01:12:06You understand.
01:12:08How would you like to have somebody steal one of your headphones?
01:12:10I know. Heppercow is better than none.
01:12:12But this is no time for puns.
01:12:14Get in that battle over there.
01:12:18Well, here we are again at the ringside.
01:12:20And, folks, it looks like a great battle.
01:12:22Now the boys are locked in the center of the ring.
01:12:24Oh, baby, what a grudge fight.
01:12:26Zowie! Zowie! Zowie!
01:12:28That makes pretty zowie's when a man gets a base on balls.
01:12:30Inning in the first inning.
01:12:32No runs. No errors.
01:12:34But plenty of hits.
01:12:36Whee!
01:12:38This program is coming to you through the courtesy
01:12:40of the Golden Goose Financial Company with three stores.
01:12:42The 125th Street, the 125th Street,
01:12:44and the 125th Street.
01:12:46You've finished the girl with tar and petty a nest.
01:12:48Look for our advertisement in today's ash can.
01:12:50Now the boys are at it in the center of the ring.
01:12:52Oh, that one hurt.
01:12:54Come on, you palookas. Stop stalling.
01:12:56Oh, mama, have I only had my youth again.
01:12:58Whee!
01:13:10Round hole.
01:13:14Both boys are fiddling in the middle of the ring.
01:13:16And I don't think much of the tune.
01:13:18Triggs is barbying and weaving.
01:13:20It's nice work if you can get it.
01:13:22Now they're trying. Very trying.
01:13:23I caught that one from an almondine.
01:13:25Now when they're in the center of the ring
01:13:27and the crowd rocks!
01:13:43Oh, dad!
01:13:45Well, you alle right, honey?
01:13:47Good boy.
01:13:49Remember old Joe Hilton never forgot a friend.
01:13:51What are you doing?
01:13:53I'm looking for a needle in the haystack.
01:14:21What are you doing?
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