Mark Normand: The Half Hour | movie | 2014 | Official Featurette - video Dailymotion

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A half-hour stand-up special featuring Mark Normand. | dG1fWmN1dzh5dGE5a2s

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00:00So yeah, hey, my name is Mark Normand from New Orleans, Louisiana.

00:10Who dat?

00:11And started comedy there at a real dive bar.

00:17Got hammered.

00:18I had a yeast infection.

00:19And I got hammered and I talked about it.

00:21And it went pretty well.

00:22And then I moved to New York.

00:23A couple of friends of mine moved up.

00:25I said, I'm going with you.

00:26Moved to Crown Heights, Brooklyn.

00:27Got mugged three times.

00:29Landlord died of AIDS.

00:30And the first time I was there, there was a pigeon in my apartment.

00:33I like a good Netflix document.

00:36Occasionally I'll hit a treadmill.

00:38I like to put on a little Van Morrison and look at people's Facebook photos.

00:42You ever do that?

00:43Just stay up late at night looking for that bikini shot of a girl, you know?

00:47All right, finally I got that Florida trip.

00:49There we go.

00:50All right.

00:51I have a glass of red wine, you know?

00:56Good times.

00:59You guys do that, right?

01:00Today I spent the whole day on Facebook.

01:05Let me ask you guys this.

01:06You guys ever Google something and you notice on your Facebook wall there's an ad for the

01:10thing you Googled?

01:11Yeah.

01:12Well, what the hell is that?

01:13I was on my Facebook wall day, there was an ad for sexy cougars.

01:17I was like, hey Google, that was between us.

01:23First of all, I had every bad job in the book.

01:26Bus boy.

01:27I was a furniture mover.

01:28I was an office temp.

01:31Janitor.

01:32Janitor, worst job ever.

01:33Got fired because I was mopping.

01:35True story.

01:36Mopping.

01:37A guy slipped.

01:38He yelled at me for not putting a sign out, but I was mopping in front of him.

01:42I'm mopping in front of you.

01:44What's the sign?

01:45What's the point?

01:46I am the sign.

01:47Quit every other job I had.

01:48I'm such a pussy that I can't quit stuff, so I would just tell, I'd be like, ah, my grandmother,

01:53she won't leave my apartment.

01:55I got to go, you know, fight her.

01:57I can't come back into work.

01:58I'm running a cock fight.

02:00I can't come back in.

02:01I'd just make up all these crazy excuses, you know?

02:03I used to live with an Asian guy, a Chinese guy, and one time we were walking around

02:08in Brooklyn, somebody called him a Chinaman.

02:10He was devastated.

02:11But can we all agree that's definitely the gentlest of the racial slurs?

02:15And he was saying, no, it's a horrible racial slur, and I was like, he's from China,

02:19he's a man.

02:20That's not so bad.

02:22To me, I think the names of Chinese restaurants sound a lot more like racial slurs.

02:26And I remember seeing a Chinese restaurant, it was called, like, Panda Express, and I was

02:30like, that sounds like a racial slur.

02:32You know who can't drive?

02:34Those goddamn Panda Kings.

02:36I'll tell you that right now.

02:38Yeah.

02:39And listen to this, one of those golden noodles just went to my apartment building.

02:42Those guys really burned me up, those lucky dragons.

Mark Normand: The Half Hour | movie | 2014 | Official Featurette

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