- 7/2/2025
Blending sketch comedy and stand-up, comedian Shawn Lamont performs a hilarious set in front of a sold out crowd at an intimate venue in Norfolk, Virginia.
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:00Hello, America. I am Bill Cosby. There are some of you out there who may not know who Bill Cosby is.
00:00:24Well, I assure you I'm very important because I was big in the 80s. But today I come to bring you Bill Cosby's Penis Pump.
00:00:33Now, there are those out there who would say, Bill, there is no way your penis is that big.
00:00:38And I assure you, Bill Cosby's penis is this big. It's the biggest pudding pump you've ever seen.
00:00:45And you say to yourself, I like Bill Cosby. I want to be like Bill Cosby.
00:00:50I watch his reruns on television while I use his penis pump and have a pudding pop.
00:00:56Because Bill Cosby is the greatest pitchman on earth.
00:00:59And when other pitchmen impede on Bill Cosby's pitchman territory, they don't end up so well, do they, Billy Mays?
00:01:05Oh, did Bill Cosby say that? I think he did. It wasn't an accident.
00:01:11Bill Cosby just admitted to killing Billy Mays. You've been warned.
00:01:16Bill Cosby, we don't play fair.
00:01:27Uggh
00:01:28Oh my god
00:01:29The war going on
00:01:30Uggh
00:01:31Oh my god
00:01:32Yes
00:01:33Oh my god
00:01:34Oh my god
00:01:35Dude, you might be down
00:01:37Yes, oh my god
00:01:38If y'all don't play fair
00:01:40We don't play fair
00:01:41Need I say more
00:01:42I declare war
00:01:43Yeah
00:01:441A-I-M
00:01:45Drop H-I-M
00:01:46Need I say more
00:01:48I declare war
00:01:49If y'all don't play fair
00:01:50We don't play fair
00:01:51Right
00:01:52Need I say more
00:01:53I declare war
00:01:541A-I-M
00:01:55Drop H-I-M
00:01:56Yeah, this goes out to all those rappers who's really active
00:02:12Movers and shakers, that's really fakers
00:02:15Get your game up or get your kick up
00:02:18Big nicks to get out
00:02:26Yo, we being filmed tonight, baby, you know what I'm saying?
00:02:37We gonna be all over the internet
00:02:39Your ass, too, girl
00:02:40Goddamn right, girl
00:02:43I'm gonna be signing up for this motherfucker
00:02:45I'm gonna rub the cat and shit
00:02:47Goddamn
00:02:49Shit, this ain't no problem, nigga
00:02:51This the venue, no football lover
00:02:54Gonna scratch that motherfucker
00:02:55Look, he's smiling
00:02:55I like that shit
00:02:57I like that motherfucker
00:02:59That shit
00:03:00Ladies, say, ah
00:03:03Ah
00:03:05I like that shit
00:03:06Hey, let my dog say
00:03:07Let me hear from my dogs, what you say?
00:03:09You hear them all, motherfucker
00:03:13Hey, what's up, baby? What's going on?
00:03:15Motherfucker
00:03:17You know what I'm saying? I love that shit
00:03:20Hey, ladies, I ain't not letting that fellas
00:03:22I'm about to tell on our ass, though, for real
00:03:24Hey, look
00:03:25Hey, fellas, we got a secret language and shit
00:03:27You know what I'm saying?
00:03:28Called dog
00:03:29Y'all been calling us dogs for years, but y'all ain't even know why
00:03:32You know what I'm saying?
00:03:33Watch this shit
00:03:34Watch this shit
00:03:35Me and him about to communicate right fucking now
00:03:37They heard spoken to me
00:03:41Oh
00:03:42I put the fuck on the world at me
00:03:44I know what the fuck that means
00:03:46Oh
00:03:47Oh
00:03:48Okay, let me
00:03:49Oh
00:03:50Y'all, man, that nigga got pit bull, chihuahua, I don't know.
00:03:55Goddamn, wanna make something in his ass and shit.
00:03:59That's how we doing, shit.
00:04:02We goddamn, that's how we communicate, shit.
00:04:07Y'all, ladies, y'all, y'all communicate, too.
00:04:09We know this.
00:04:11Y'all goddamn do that mental, y'all do every goddamn thing.
00:04:14I know what you're doing, see, I know what you're doing.
00:04:17Y'all got all the goddamn answers, y'all.
00:04:18I know the Aquaman shit y'all got going on.
00:04:23Goddamn, I love it, boy.
00:04:25Boy, y'all ladies looking good.
00:04:27Hey, boo.
00:04:29Say, ah.
00:04:30Hey, baby, ah.
00:04:33She ain't so extra shit up in that bitch.
00:04:38Fuckin' me up, though.
00:04:40Hey, baby.
00:04:41Hey, baby.
00:04:43Ah, baby.
00:04:45Girl, you got the good.
00:04:46Oh, you just the one walkin' around with all that ass and shit, huh.
00:04:51Goddamn.
00:04:52Let me talk to my boys for a minute.
00:04:53Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
00:04:57Hey, you got a big ass.
00:04:58That's what they say.
00:04:59You got a big ass.
00:05:01That's what I'm gonna fuck.
00:05:02Baby, wait.
00:05:04Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
00:05:05Rrrr.
00:05:05Rrrr.
00:05:05Rrrr.
00:05:06Rrrr.
00:05:06Rrrr.
00:05:07Rrrr.
00:05:07Rrrr.
00:05:08Rrrr.
00:05:08Rrrr.
00:05:09Rrrr.
00:05:09Rrrr.
00:05:09Rrrr.
00:05:10Rrrr.
00:05:10Rrrr.
00:05:10Rrrr.
00:05:11Rrrr.
00:05:11I'm gonna kick this over the lower shit.
00:05:13See y'all can't break that code.
00:05:15Y'all usually break a lot of goddamn codes.
00:05:17Y'all can't break.
00:05:18Rrrr, rrrr.
00:05:19Hey, hey, you might wanna break the right dick.
00:05:20Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
00:05:23Fuck.
00:05:24Damn, she got a chain on your butt.
00:05:26Rrrr.
00:05:26Like, crazy.
00:05:27Fuck you, Barbara.
00:05:29Fuck you.
00:05:30You better ask, put your dick in my purse.
00:05:33Put your motherfucking dick in my purse.
00:05:36What the fuck going on around this bitch?
00:05:38Woo!
00:05:39Woo!
00:05:40Woo!
00:05:41You niggas think that?
00:05:42Oh, you got that?
00:05:43You got that?
00:05:47You gonna step leg up your tail and shit.
00:05:51And he just gonna fuck all day, nigga.
00:05:53I don't care if you in a dog, huh?
00:05:55This boy's a mix with a rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
00:05:57Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
00:05:58Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
00:06:00Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
00:06:01Like a whole ass dog and shit.
00:06:03Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
00:06:06We ain't got shit without Bach.
00:06:07Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
00:06:09You got that.
00:06:11That's a motherfucker.
00:06:13Hey, some of it is over, y'all.
00:06:16Goddamn, y'all had a good time this summer.
00:06:18Shit.
00:06:19I did and I didn't.
00:06:21I was writing to one barbecue and two cook-ins and shit.
00:06:26That's it.
00:06:27That's some bullshit.
00:06:28I thought I had a thousand friends from school.
00:06:31And they invited me to one cook-out and two cook-ins and shit.
00:06:35Nigga, where the fuck is that?
00:06:37One of them.
00:06:39I had two cook-ins.
00:06:41The cook-out I had was mine.
00:06:43From the five people in that bitch.
00:06:45The fuck?
00:06:46Not in the time, though, got that bitch.
00:06:48Two cook-ins, though.
00:06:50Two cook-fucking-ins.
00:06:52It's the same as a cook-out, but you in.
00:06:54You know what I'm saying?
00:06:55You see, you find it.
00:06:56It's out.
00:06:57And then you in.
00:06:58Get it out.
00:06:59Get it out.
00:07:00What the fuck is that?
00:07:01What the fuck is that?
00:07:02I had two cook-ins.
00:07:03The cook-out I had was mine.
00:07:04From the five people in that bitch.
00:07:05The fuck?
00:07:06Get it out.
00:07:07Get it out.
00:07:08Shit.
00:07:09Shit.
00:07:10Goddamn.
00:07:11Quick-in cook-out, goddamn.
00:07:12Shit.
00:07:13Black people have barbecues.
00:07:14White people have cook-outs.
00:07:15And you ain't got to bring shit.
00:07:16You ain't got to bring a motherfucking bank to a cook-out.
00:07:17Black people be like, look, you in the way.
00:07:19You be like, yeah.
00:07:20Bring some ice, potato salad, forks, spoons.
00:07:21Matter of fact, pick up a whole chicken.
00:07:22Pick up a bag of chicken and shit.
00:07:23What the fuck?
00:07:24You ain't got shit there?
00:07:25Goddamn.
00:07:26And matter of fact, they might want some sweet, bring a kick from Food Line.
00:07:27Bitch.
00:07:28You ain't got to fuck around with you.
00:07:29We do.
00:07:30We do.
00:07:31We do.
00:07:32We do.
00:07:33We do.
00:07:34We do.
00:07:35We do.
00:07:36We do.
00:07:37We do.
00:07:38We do.
00:07:39We do.
00:07:40We do.
00:07:41We do.
00:07:42We do.
00:07:43We do.
00:07:44We do.
00:07:45We do.
00:07:46We do.
00:07:47We do.
00:07:48We do.
00:07:49We do.
00:07:50We do.
00:07:51We do.
00:07:52We do.
00:07:53We do.
00:07:54We do.
00:07:55We do.
00:07:56We do.
00:07:57We do.
00:07:58We do.
00:07:59We do.
00:08:00We do.
00:08:01We do.
00:08:02We do.
00:08:03We do.
00:08:04We do.
00:08:05We do.
00:08:06We do.
00:08:07We do.
00:08:08We do.
00:08:09That's what I be thinking, this shit.
00:08:11I'm gonna drink most of this shit before I leave, y'all.
00:08:14Oh, you can keep the bottle. Keep that shit.
00:08:16Y'all done drunk, y'all.
00:08:1780% of that motherfucker, you can have it.
00:08:20Y'all, I made a contribution to the house and shit.
00:08:24You know what I'm saying?
00:08:26You can have that motherfucker, y'all.
00:08:28Shit, I done bought that damn chicken, the bread, the hamburgers, the hot dog.
00:08:32What the fuck?
00:08:34Y'all went to a cookie and it was an all-white cookie party.
00:08:38Yeah, all-white.
00:08:41I said, God damn.
00:08:43This is amazing.
00:08:45That shit was in the goddamn country though.
00:08:47I said, God.
00:08:48Shit, you didn't have to.
00:08:49Y'all seen wrong turns.
00:08:51I got scared as a motherfucker, but it was cool though.
00:08:54You know what I'm saying?
00:08:56That shit was like a goddamn campground.
00:08:58You know what I'm saying?
00:08:59I'm like, what the fuck? Where are we going?
00:09:02Little red, red, red, red.
00:09:04I said, God damn fuck.
00:09:05But when I got there, that shit was cool though.
00:09:07Everything was cool.
00:09:08I thought we was going to drink and shit.
00:09:10Oh no, look back up.
00:09:11You know, liquor made shit good, goddamn it.
00:09:14Liquor made shit ripped.
00:09:16Matter of fact, I'm going to go ahead and talk to me.
00:09:18Keep it brief.
00:09:19Hold on.
00:09:20Hi.
00:09:21My name is Sean, and I'm an alcoholic.
00:09:25Y'all motherfuckers, this is like a backwards ass AA beating up with these motherfuckers.
00:09:29Shit.
00:09:30Anytime I get first-sized, this is goddamn look.
00:09:31Give me a little bit of this shit.
00:09:32What you got in your goddamn bag?
00:09:33I got in your goddamn bag.
00:09:34I got in your goddamn bag.
00:09:35I got in your goddamn bag.
00:09:36I got in your goddamn bag.
00:09:37I got in your goddamn bag.
00:09:38I got in there.
00:09:39I got in there.
00:09:40That's Sorento.
00:09:41Goddamn.
00:09:42Shit.
00:09:43Goddamn.
00:09:44They ain't have no look at this bitch, but they had chicken though.
00:09:47So this shit was cool.
00:09:48I see.
00:09:49See what I'm saying?
00:09:50The DJ was on goddamn point.
00:09:51He was playing it.
00:09:52I said, what the fuck?
00:09:53They had lightning.
00:09:54Look, I'm going to tell y'all, like, I'm in my 40s, right?
00:09:57I just found the fuck out that they got like 800 line dances.
00:10:06I never knew that shit.
00:10:09I'm going back to goddamn Ava and Ray, the electric slide and shit.
00:10:13It's electric.
00:10:14When they got to the Cuban shuffle, that's number about three, four.
00:10:17I said, oh shit.
00:10:18But I found out at this fucking all white cookie end, right?
00:10:23That hairball ain't ham bitches.
00:10:26And there was a couple there that knew all the dances.
00:10:29I didn't even know that shit.
00:10:32They had some shit mixed with Riverdance and Michael Jackson and shit.
00:10:37I was like, who the fuck are you doing?
00:10:40Who the fuck up?
00:10:42You know how usually you can go to the club and shit, you can look at them motherfucking feet and be like,
00:10:47Oh shit, okay, I got it, I got it.
00:10:50Hell no, they had some shit out there that was goddamn part of their Chinese arithmetic.
00:10:55I said, what the fuck is y'all doing?
00:10:57I said, no, no, I'm sitting down for this bullshit.
00:11:00I ain't going to break an ankle of this shit.
00:11:02My shit don't heal like it used to.
00:11:05Hey, hey, hey, how y'all doing?
00:11:10You got that running junior flip?
00:11:11All right, that's what I'm talking about.
00:11:12Let me cross my foot.
00:11:13Oh, Lord.
00:11:14Hey, how everybody doing?
00:11:15I'm Percy P. Purcell, baby.
00:11:16And the P stands for power.
00:11:17Hey, but look, I'm a Capricorn.
00:11:22I like slow walks on the beach.
00:11:29I like long walks in the park and I love me some chocolate.
00:11:40Well, I like vanilla and French vanilla and all the other flavors in between.
00:11:44I like slow walks on the beach, I like long walks in the park, and I love me some chocolate.
00:11:53Well, I love vanilla and French vanilla and all the other flavors in between, you know, like strawberries and earth.
00:12:01But either or, I'm a 77-year-old spry, and I like them in their 20s-ish. Going down, yeah.
00:12:12But either or, look now, look, I've been on this dating thing before, and ain't nobody hitting me back.
00:12:18I don't know how to work the computer precisely, but I know y'all ain't going to give up all of this, baby, girl.
00:12:23This ain't nothing but experience here, you understand me, huh?
00:12:27And the rest of the spinner, you like that? Look, it's so shiny. It's so shiny.
00:12:31And my SSI check come here every month, too, girl, so I'm going to take care of everything.
00:12:35We're going to go down to McDonald's, and you can get cheese on your fish for later.
00:12:39That's right, Percy P. Purcell. Just hit me up at my website, www.PursyPPurcell.
00:12:49And remember, the P stands for Pumping Power, baby.
00:12:53Now call me now, girl. No, I'm serious, look. Don't be playing no games with me, all right?
00:12:58Now you about to call me now, girl. I'll tell you right there. Look.
00:13:03Why you so close to me with that thing, man? Get out of here, what?
00:13:06Look, y'all about to call me, you understand me? I ain't playing.
00:13:09Y'all better get a date up in this place. I'm trying to balance all my...
00:13:15I'm going to talk to y'all, because this is on some serious shit, you know, and I thought long and hard about this bullshit.
00:13:20You know, I'm going to talk about our president.
00:13:25Oh, what the fuck? Hold up. Who? You said, mm-hmm. I'm going to talk to you personally.
00:13:31Fuck that bullshit. Uh-uh, uh-uh. Because, first of all, I'm going to lay the evidence out.
00:13:38You know, everybody in this motherfucking room used to fuck with Donald Trump.
00:13:43That's your goddamn life. You said, goddamn, Donald Trump is the goddamn poster boy for rich white America.
00:13:51You know what I'm saying? Donald Trump, back in the day, you were like, goddamn, that's Donald Trump.
00:13:56That's motherfucking rich. He's a straight gangster. That's why I fuck with him. You see what I'm saying?
00:14:02He a gangster. He lay it down like, what, bitch? That's how he say it. That's how he say it, though.
00:14:08He'll ask me to say that shit on Fox News. What, bitch? That's me, nigga.
00:14:14You know what I'm saying? This motherfucker is goddamn golden.
00:14:18Donald Trump, he done started about 200 businesses with other people's fucking money.
00:14:25Go bankrupt and walk away with a bag of motherfucking money like, what, bitch?
00:14:32And he'll put the lips on your ass every time he talking.
00:14:35You know he about to speak.
00:14:42You got to be a fucking gangster to have a sideways mother that shit. That shit.
00:14:50All right. Okay. You got to be a gangster.
00:14:54You walk around the fucking world making billions of dollars. What a sideways fucking money.
00:15:03That shit don't even move. I think that bitch is alive.
00:15:06I think when that motherfucker go home, that bitch just crawl off and say, hey, to play yourself up.
00:15:11That bitch got a doggie, man. That's nigga on the chase. Make him fucking win, man.
00:15:20Keep up my ass, bitch, on the team. At the wheel and shit. Driving it, bitch.
00:15:24He got her ass. When she got too old, what'd he do?
00:15:28You're fired.
00:15:29You're fired that bitch ass. Kick your ass off the team.
00:15:35Nigga don't like you and shit. You know what I'm saying?
00:15:38It wasn't your cup, motherfucker.
00:15:40Goddamn.
00:15:44That nigga kicked a bad bitch off his team.
00:15:47Went overseas and got him.
00:15:49That's her.
00:15:50He showed me to make some kids with a boom, boom, boom.
00:15:53That's how I do.
00:15:55I'll fire your ass. He let him know, quick!
00:15:58This motherfucker a gangster.
00:16:02Cold. Cold gangster.
00:16:05Start businesses with other people's money.
00:16:08Go fucking bankrupt.
00:16:10And walk away with a bag of money.
00:16:12And keep a bad bitch on his team.
00:16:14The reason why I'm mad at y'all,
00:16:15because y'all knew this motherfucker was an asshole way back when.
00:16:23Come on. You knew this motherfucker was an asshole.
00:16:26He's the poster child for rich white America.
00:16:29Yeah.
00:16:31We ain't no shit about big rushes until Donald Trump came up with that bitch.
00:16:34Fuck it. No.
00:16:36That nigga keep the house, the business, all the cars, all that shit.
00:16:41Then that shit took her down to middle class America.
00:16:43Bankruptcy, bankruptcy.
00:16:44That shit got to us.
00:16:46They changed all the fucking lives.
00:16:49Woo!
00:16:50It was like, fuck it!
00:16:52Bankruptcy!
00:16:54They be like, bitch, you turn your house back in and shit.
00:16:58Turn that goddamn car in, bitch.
00:16:59You can't keep that shit.
00:17:01You cannot keep that bitch.
00:17:04You gotta ride a track.
00:17:05You gotta ride a lawnmower.
00:17:07I won't step, motherfucker.
00:17:09And leave your ass.
00:17:10Look, what we gonna do is just not take your ass to court and put you in jail.
00:17:14We're like, what?
00:17:15Well, fuck.
00:17:17Donald Trump invented that motherfucker, though.
00:17:20Bankruptcy.
00:17:21That's the first time I even heard of Bankruptcy fucking with Donald Trump.
00:17:24He invented about 200 business and he's still walking away with me.
00:17:28He doesn't clean.
00:17:29What the fuck you got in your car?
00:17:32For real, though.
00:17:34I'm down there, I'm serious.
00:17:36You know what I'm saying?
00:17:38And then you loved him when he came out with a show of princes.
00:17:41You loved his ass.
00:17:43You be going to work, you be like, oh shit, did you see that damn princess last night?
00:17:47The lips.
00:17:50The lips.
00:17:53You're fired.
00:17:57You goddamn call your best friend up and shit.
00:18:00Hey, hey, hey, yo, yo.
00:18:01Hey, y'all got something?
00:18:03What, what, what, what, what, what you gotta tell me?
00:18:05What, what, what?
00:18:07They're fired.
00:18:09Man, man, stop playing, you motherfucker.
00:18:11Man, that shit got so goddamn cool.
00:18:12You know what I'm saying?
00:18:13You love to see Donald Trump this fire motherfucker cold.
00:18:17You knew he was fucked up.
00:18:19But I still got to fuck with him, I'mma tell you why,
00:18:21because he only got one face.
00:18:23You heard me?
00:18:25He got one motherfucker face.
00:18:27He is a nasty greedy gangster.
00:18:31That nigga gangster.
00:18:33Fuck that shit.
00:18:35Everybody mad because he ain't this motherfucker talking all this bush.
00:18:38He was talking that shit way back fucking head.
00:18:40And you love this ass.
00:18:43So I'm on this side, because you know what?
00:18:45I can deal with him because you showing me who you are.
00:18:48So you come around me, I can deal with your ass.
00:18:51I can deal with, I know you was a dirty motherfucker.
00:18:55But he get pussy, though.
00:18:57That motherfucker straight told you, though.
00:18:59He said, you know, I see what I want.
00:19:01I just go up and grab him by the crotch.
00:19:03I said, what am I saying?
00:19:05No, you was a cold dirty bitch.
00:19:08But I said, I ain't supposed to.
00:19:12I knew if you could just grab that bitch.
00:19:16You and me.
00:19:18Okay.
00:19:20That motherfucker got me.
00:19:23This motherfucker robbing people all over the goddamn world.
00:19:27Talking shit, though.
00:19:29That motherfucker talking shit to Russia.
00:19:30He talking shit to the Brits.
00:19:33He talking shit to Kim Jong-un, I'll blow your ass up.
00:19:37Kim Jong-un said, I'll blow your ass up, too.
00:19:40Donald Trump say, you cold motherfucker.
00:19:42He talking fuck with me.
00:19:44See, a gangster will recognize him as a gangster.
00:19:47You know what I'm saying?
00:19:49Everybody, everybody real.
00:19:51Can I get some?
00:19:53Let me talk to you right quick.
00:19:54You know what I'm saying?
00:19:55You know what I'm saying?
00:19:57You know what I'm saying?
00:19:58I back the fuck up.
00:19:59I respect your territory, motherfucker.
00:20:01You got this woman and the girls and shit.
00:20:04All right, nigga.
00:20:05Hold on.
00:20:06Shit.
00:20:07Fuck that shit.
00:20:08I see you.
00:20:09I see your ass.
00:20:10I'm not trying to challenge the thorn right there.
00:20:12Kim Jong-un, you know what I'm saying?
00:20:14Now the Trump say,
00:20:16I can say over here and shit.
00:20:18I can fuck these other motherfuckers.
00:20:19You know what I'm saying?
00:20:21Kim Jong-un, he challenging the goddamn world.
00:20:23He gon' give a fuck.
00:20:25Some of that shit he got over there might don't even work.
00:20:31Hit, hit, hit launch.
00:20:34Shit.
00:20:35Okay, hit the other one.
00:20:37Fuck it.
00:20:38Donald Trump's coming.
00:20:42Fuck it.
00:20:43Something that's the worst.
00:20:45Kim Jong-un, you don't give a fuck.
00:20:46Just, just his goddamn bark alone.
00:20:48Don't talk alone.
00:20:50Don't come in my yard.
00:20:51He ain't got that shit.
00:20:52He ain't never got that really right there and whip it out.
00:20:55You know what I'm saying?
00:20:56Donald Trump, that's the only motherfucker Donald Trump can't punk.
00:20:59He talking shit.
00:21:01You know.
00:21:02So I fucks with him.
00:21:04But for real, don't got that.
00:21:07So I ain't talking about that Donald Trump shit, right?
00:21:09But for real, uh-uh.
00:21:11Let me take me a sip for all the alcohol.
00:21:13I'm just...
00:21:17Shit, turn the lights on.
00:21:18Let's get it popped.
00:21:20This will be a big ass nasty hole with you.
00:21:24Fuck it.
00:21:25Shit.
00:21:26And your brain get the fuck out.
00:21:28It's going down and it's...
00:21:30Hit the lights, goddamn it.
00:21:32I'm just cute.
00:21:34Hey, thanks for springing for dinner.
00:21:37Oh, no problem.
00:21:38You look very nice tonight, by the way.
00:21:40So do you.
00:21:41Appreciate it.
00:21:42Not trying to clean up.
00:21:43Oh, hey.
00:21:44Hey, you.
00:21:45Hey, hey.
00:21:46What's with the threads?
00:21:47Oh, well, you know, I'm just, uh, I'm working here to pay for the gas to get me to and from my main part-time job.
00:21:53Okay.
00:21:55Hey, uh, we're trying to have a little dinner here.
00:21:57You know, she always wanted to come to this new restaurant, so if you don't mind, you know.
00:22:02So you guys are on a date?
00:22:03No!
00:22:04No, no, no.
00:22:05It's not a dinner date.
00:22:07Yeah, that's still a date.
00:22:08No, no.
00:22:09See, see, see.
00:22:10She has a man.
00:22:11Cool guy, right?
00:22:12You know this.
00:22:13We're just gonna converse, get to know each other a little better, make our friendship a little deeper and enjoy a good meal.
00:22:19That's, that's it.
00:22:21Absolutely.
00:22:22I mean, you've never just taken out a friend of the opposite sex and just...
00:22:26Not a date now.
00:22:27Just, just, just, just dinner, right?
00:22:29Just dinner.
00:22:30Yeah.
00:22:31No, no, never.
00:22:32And it always leads to sex.
00:22:34No.
00:22:35It's not true.
00:22:36You know what, man?
00:22:37You know what?
00:22:38It's cool.
00:22:39It's cool.
00:22:40No.
00:22:41No, it's fine.
00:22:42It's fine.
00:22:43You know what?
00:22:44I'll tell you what.
00:22:45You wanna, why don't you come over here?
00:22:46I wanna chit chat.
00:22:47Take my seat.
00:22:48Take, take my seat.
00:22:49And, and talk to her and tell her your life story, cause I don't give a damn, okay?
00:22:52And then after you talk to her, you tell me, you tell me after you pay this big bill that
00:22:57you can't just have dinner with a woman and it not be a date, okay?
00:23:01So, enjoy.
00:23:02Bye, baby.
00:23:03Have fun.
00:23:04Wow.
00:23:05What the hell?
00:23:06I told you.
00:23:07Bastard!
00:23:08What the hell?
00:23:09I told you.
00:23:10Bastard!
00:23:11But look, for real, I'ma tell you though, you know, black man, he don't wanna shave his
00:23:15What the hell?
00:23:21I told you.
00:23:24Bastard!
00:23:32But look, for real, I'm going to tell you, though.
00:23:35You know, black man, he don't want to shave his pussy.
00:23:38Hell no!
00:23:39Just in case nobody know this shit.
00:23:41Look, a black man, not what it is.
00:23:45I'm going to kneel my pussy, y'all.
00:23:48I'm just checking the pisses out there.
00:23:51Pick that shit up if you want to.
00:23:53I guess this is a threat.
00:23:55That motherfucker getting close and shit.
00:23:57Black man won't shave his pussy.
00:23:59They might even be married or in a relationship.
00:24:03Be on your ass.
00:24:06Shit.
00:24:08For real.
00:24:08I got to laugh at my goddamn self.
00:24:16I be in this motherfucker too.
00:24:18I be in that motherfucker like shit.
00:24:27I be in that motherfucker.
00:24:29Get the fuck away with my pussy!
00:24:32You tell her ass.
00:24:35Girl, we ain't in no relationship.
00:24:36You want to do whatever you want to do!
00:24:42We made it!
00:24:44Get my fuck!
00:24:46I just want you to be happy!
00:24:49Let a motherfucker come around there sniffing and shit.
00:24:53I thought you said we was...
00:24:56We was...
00:24:57Hey!
00:24:58We off!
00:25:00What the fuck is your problem?
00:25:02I don't know!
00:25:04I don't fucking know!
00:25:10That shit just kick in!
00:25:11Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!
00:25:15That, that, that...
00:25:16That old man that good ass...
00:25:19Just snappy, nappy, no, no, no.
00:25:21What about that shit?
00:25:23Some good pussy don't fucking black man at all?
00:25:25I don't know!
00:25:26I can't talk about all the other races and shit.
00:25:29Hey!
00:25:29I can't talk about what I fucking know!
00:25:34Bitch, it's baby!
00:25:38That nigga snortin' on my ass.
00:25:40You ever snortin' on a goddamn woman?
00:25:42If you did, that nigga...
00:25:44She got your ass!
00:25:50Shut up!
00:25:51I have to testify!
00:25:59Now, damn!
00:26:00But, uh, for, uh, for, for, for real though...
00:26:02I ain't been like, uh, a white man, he was shut his pussy.
00:26:08I been in some situations and shit, you know?
00:26:10Co-workers and shit.
00:26:13No, they shine!
00:26:14We're getting married!
00:26:15Come on over!
00:26:16I said, okay, fuck it.
00:26:18I'll be over there, bitch, you know?
00:26:19I feel very bad.
00:26:21I feel very bad.
00:26:23They get burned and all that shit.
00:26:25They got a keg of bill.
00:26:27Everybody leaving.
00:26:29You know the party really starts when everybody
00:26:31leaves on weddings.
00:26:33Some blue shit.
00:26:35The party starts
00:26:37when everybody
00:26:39leaves. There be like 20 people
00:26:41hanging around.
00:26:43What the fuck is a party?
00:26:45Everybody that's staying is nasty.
00:26:47They trying to see
00:26:49what the fuck going on.
00:26:53If they stay, they see something
00:26:55they like, they stay too.
00:26:57Alright.
00:26:59I'm gonna get a drink
00:27:01on this motherfucking shit.
00:27:03What's going on?
00:27:05What's going on?
00:27:07I'm not promoting
00:27:09like I'm holding.
00:27:11Tell me what's going on.
00:27:13Tell me what's going on.
00:27:15You know.
00:27:17I'm hanging up with my white friends and shit.
00:27:19I'm in the motherfucking.
00:27:21I'm back out there on two for 200
00:27:23K and G suit and shit.
00:27:25I'm looking good.
00:27:27You know, I'm from Chesapeake.
00:27:29None of my friends was white.
00:27:31So we had the party and shit winding down.
00:27:33People leaving and shit.
00:27:35You know that's there.
00:27:37It was only three black people invited for the car.
00:27:39You know what I'm saying.
00:27:40I was one of them.
00:27:41So hey.
00:27:42So all the women get in the pool and shit.
00:27:44I'm like, that damn what the fuck.
00:27:45They like, sure.
00:27:46Get in the pool.
00:27:47Get in the hot tub.
00:27:49I'm like.
00:27:51No, hell no.
00:27:52I got on a goddamn suit.
00:27:53What you talking about?
00:27:54Whoop your neck out.
00:27:55What?
00:27:56That bitch like, hold up.
00:27:59Hold up.
00:28:00Hold up.
00:28:01I'm on a clear.
00:28:02That's what I'm saying.
00:28:04The lady was my co-worker.
00:28:06The one who got married.
00:28:08Her husband was a fucking police officer.
00:28:12And all his grooms.
00:28:15And they had badges and goddamn goods.
00:28:17I said, you don't fuck who?
00:28:19They said, I don't be a neck out.
00:28:21We want a scene.
00:28:22It's in my hand.
00:28:23This bitch like, I can't believe I was hearing this shit.
00:28:26The mom was on the side.
00:28:27The man.
00:28:29Hold the fuck up.
00:28:31Hold the fuck up.
00:28:32Hold the fuck up.
00:28:33I'm not that.
00:28:34Check the middle of this shit.
00:28:36Hold on.
00:28:37Hold on.
00:28:38I was like, your wife and her friends like,
00:28:42take your dick out.
00:28:44Get naked and get in the hot tub with us.
00:28:46And all your police officers.
00:28:48I know your cops.
00:28:50I know your ass.
00:28:52Get in the pool.
00:28:53Naked.
00:28:54I'm gonna blast black men in this motherfucker.
00:28:56They don't bash her in their pussy.
00:28:58It's a long story short.
00:28:59I'm like, but I'm gonna tell you like this.
00:29:02Did I do it?
00:29:03Yeah.
00:29:04Yeah, we did.
00:29:05You was like, y'all been black.
00:29:06I'm like, y'all done this shit.
00:29:08My mama ain't ready to go through.
00:29:10What the fuck wrong with y'all fucker?
00:29:13Ha ha ha.
00:29:14Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo.
00:29:15Oh shit.
00:29:16What the fuck you?
00:29:17You know what's happening?
00:29:18What the fuck happened?
00:29:19You know what's happening?
00:29:20Bitch, you thought you was gonna fuck me, no?
00:29:22What the fuck?
00:29:26I may be white.
00:29:28But you not fucking.
00:29:31I was like, shit, it's a test.
00:29:34It's the hardest goddamn test I ever seen in my goddamn life.
00:29:37Goddamn.
00:29:38Five fine white bitches in the pool and them shit.
00:29:42I'm like, I'm gonna get in that bitch, be drinking.
00:29:44Got a whole halfway can to this bitch.
00:29:47Goddamn eight police officers right there off-building.
00:29:53They can explain the hell out of that shit.
00:29:55You know what I'm saying?
00:29:56They can explain the fuck out of that shit.
00:29:58Boy, but y'all terrible.
00:30:00My mama ain't raised no food.
00:30:03You know what she told me a long time ago?
00:30:05She said, son, take Jesus with you.
00:30:12No matter where you are, if you don't take this shit,
00:30:18take Jesus with you.
00:30:20I can't.
00:30:22Just take Jesus with you.
00:30:24I'm like, all right, fuck it, shit.
00:30:26All right, mama, leave me alone.
00:30:27I'm trying to do something in the house.
00:30:30You don't hear that shit, buddy.
00:30:33Your mama shit always come back on your ass, baby.
00:30:36When you ain't even think you fucking up,
00:30:38you be like, oh, shit.
00:30:40Take Jesus with you.
00:30:41Cut your ass.
00:30:42That shit.
00:30:43The Bible says.
00:30:44Right there.
00:30:45Train up a child.
00:30:46And the way he should go.
00:30:48But when he was older, he was like, you know?
00:30:51Oh, come on.
00:30:52That's what it said.
00:30:53Come on.
00:30:54That's what it said.
00:30:55Right there.
00:30:56That's what it taught.
00:30:57Take Jesus with you.
00:30:58So I did.
00:30:59I took Jesus on some who rides.
00:31:02Some big robberies and shit.
00:31:05You know what I'm saying?
00:31:06We were smoking weed and I took his ass.
00:31:09I got me a bracket and shit.
00:31:11I said, Jesus, help me sell this bracket.
00:31:13I need this money.
00:31:14I took his ass.
00:31:15Come on, rainbow food.
00:31:18Shit.
00:31:19A couple times I'm gonna die.
00:31:20I heard Jesus went back.
00:31:23I said, God, help me sell this ounce.
00:31:27This ounce.
00:31:28I need this money.
00:31:30Hey, God, come on now.
00:31:33I'm gonna bring his ass down.
00:31:36I'm gonna say, Jesus would be everywhere.
00:31:41I said, Jesus, I'm about to go fuck this bitch.
00:31:44I'm gonna tear her ass up.
00:31:46I said, look, hold up.
00:31:47Wait a minute.
00:31:48I said, Jesus, I'm about to go fuck this bitch.
00:31:50I'm gonna tear her ass up.
00:31:51I said, look, hold up.
00:31:53Wait in the car, Jesus.
00:31:54Wait in the car.
00:31:55I get in the goddamn house and shit.
00:31:59I'm in that bitch.
00:32:00I don't see nothing wrong.
00:32:05Hell no.
00:32:07With the letter bun and bum.
00:32:09Look, I look up Jesus in the goddamn corner.
00:32:12That bitch, let him tell you.
00:32:14I'm gonna tear him for that shit, ain't it?
00:32:17I'm gonna do it with the goddamn loss.
00:32:20Jesus in the goddamn corner like this with popcorn and shit.
00:32:27Get it, son.
00:32:28Get it.
00:32:29Get it.
00:32:30Get that one.
00:32:31Woo!
00:32:32She said it's amazing.
00:32:33Whoa!
00:32:39It was a slow day in the city.
00:32:41But sometimes the slowest days can be the deadliest.
00:32:48The dame walked into my office like a beer poured into a glass.
00:32:54Bubbly.
00:32:58The dick looked like a real dick.
00:33:05But he was supposedly the best there is.
00:33:08And I needed the best there is.
00:33:10I told the broad to take his seat.
00:33:13Take his seat.
00:33:15I saw him like a glass eye seized through glass.
00:33:18But I took the seat.
00:33:22Of all the officers in the world,
00:33:25what made you walk into mine, dame?
00:33:27I'm looking for my son.
00:33:29Two douchebags napped my kid.
00:33:32Kidnapping case just come a nickel a dozen, sweetheart.
00:33:36Why should I take your case?
00:33:38Because I can pay you.
00:33:40And I am damned sexy.
00:33:45The dame had moxie.
00:33:47Maybe her case would be worth my hard-boiled time.
00:33:51Alright.
00:33:53Come on, Rachel, hi.
00:33:54See ya.
00:33:55$51 a day plus expenses.
00:33:58This small-time operator thought he was the shizzy.
00:34:01I am.
00:34:02You are not that impressive.
00:34:04I think you're mistaken.
00:34:06Look at this office.
00:34:07It's so crappy.
00:34:08It's...
00:34:09It's...
00:34:10Look.
00:34:11It may not be the best office,
00:34:12but it's in a great location in a great neighborhood.
00:34:15It could be in the middle of the lost city of Atlantis.
00:34:18This tiny room would still suck.
00:34:20Look.
00:34:21Do you want to do business here, or do you just want a bitch?
00:34:24Maybe I just want a bitch.
00:34:25I've got better things to do.
00:34:27Like what?
00:34:28Ain't nobody in here but me.
00:34:29Yeah, dame.
00:34:30I would do you, but you don't have much of an ass.
00:34:33Oh, don't be talking about my ass.
00:34:35You over there with your ghetto booty.
00:34:36Don't you dare be talking about no ghetto booty.
00:34:39If anyone's got a ghetto booty, it's you.
00:34:42That a fact.
00:34:43Maybe it is.
00:34:44Oh, yeah?
00:34:45My ass could kick your ass any day of the week.
00:34:48Oh, yeah?
00:34:49Yeah.
00:34:5049.50.
00:34:5150.50.
00:34:5249.75.
00:34:53Sold.
00:34:54Alright, dame.
00:34:55Now give me the joke.
00:35:09Sold.
00:35:19Alright, dame.
00:35:21Give me the joke.
00:35:23It all started when...
00:35:26What do you want, Jack?
00:35:28Hey, boss.
00:35:29You know that warehouse where we're supposed to meet in two hours?
00:35:32The warehouse where you're supposed to lure that sucker PI
00:35:34and then clock him and take all his money?
00:35:37Is that warehouse on the east side or the west side?
00:35:40The west side.
00:35:41Oh, get out of here.
00:35:42The west side, I told you.
00:35:43Get out of here.
00:35:48I started to think something was up with this dame.
00:35:51I don't know what you're talking about.
00:35:54Say, dame.
00:35:55Are you on the square?
00:35:57I'm totally on the up and up.
00:35:59Alright.
00:36:01Now, what'd you tell me about this case?
00:36:08Well, it all started when...
00:36:12What's that over there?
00:36:14I looked behind me.
00:36:15Pow!
00:36:16Oh!
00:36:17Oh!
00:36:18Oh!
00:36:19Oh!
00:36:20Surprise, see?
00:36:22Come on in, boys.
00:36:24What?
00:36:25Shake down the whole place.
00:36:26Get everything ain't nailed down.
00:36:28Hurry up!
00:36:29Right in here, y'all.
00:36:31Hey!
00:36:32Get rid of that kid.
00:36:35Here, here's a parting gift for you.
00:36:40Might as well get this.
00:36:43Ain't even Cuban.
00:36:45Next time, take $49.50.
00:36:48I don't ever get a booty!
00:36:51I don't ever get a booty!
00:36:53I don't ever get a booty!
00:36:54I don't ever get a booty!
00:36:56I don't ever get a booty!
00:36:58I don't ever get a booty!
00:37:00But now, I'll be back up to Donald Trump, though.
00:37:05Yeah, for real, for real.
00:37:06Donald Trump.
00:37:07Because, see, I told y'all.
00:37:09I'm on his side.
00:37:10Because Donald Trump told you who the fuck he was.
00:37:1320-something years ago.
00:37:16And he never left!
00:37:18And we mad at his age.
00:37:20Fuck that shit!
00:37:22Shit, I'm gonna ride a Donald Trump to my house.
00:37:24Goddamn, we had a barbecue, head and see, and some wings.
00:37:27Shit.
00:37:28We were grabbing a coochie all fucking night.
00:37:30Cool!
00:37:31I can't do that with no bad myself.
00:37:33I can't do that shit!
00:37:35Now the mother-wife goes to the club and be like,
00:37:37Cool!
00:37:38Bitch!
00:37:39Shit out of my ass, right?
00:37:40But with Donald Trump, I hear,
00:37:42I hear,
00:37:43Cool!
00:37:47That fuck the fucker,
00:37:48the wind blow his goddamn shit.
00:37:50That shit don't even move.
00:37:51That shit be like,
00:37:52The wind stop blowing that shit be like,
00:37:54Who the fuck is that?
00:37:56Like, the little shit.
00:38:01That damn Donald Trump ass.
00:38:02But this the only thing that I don't fuck with Donald Trump with,
00:38:06is, uh,
00:38:07He wanted to fuck with all my Spanish speaking people.
00:38:11Now I don't play that shit.
00:38:12No time!
00:38:14My Mexicans,
00:38:16my Salvadorians,
00:38:18my Cubans!
00:38:19Now that's my folks.
00:38:21Y'all ain't know I was an unread Cuban, did you?
00:38:23Goddamn.
00:38:24Right.
00:38:25Let me figure that up.
00:38:26Fuck that shit.
00:38:27I'm at,
00:38:28I'm at my,
00:38:29my, my, my, uh,
00:38:30BFF house.
00:38:31That's my dog.
00:38:32She had a cook in this night.
00:38:33You know what I'm saying?
00:38:34What the fuck is this cook in?
00:38:35She had a cook in.
00:38:36So I went outside to smoke a cigarette.
00:38:38Went out front.
00:38:39The, the, the Cubans,
00:38:41they always throw these parties.
00:38:43So this ain't the first time I seen that shit.
00:38:45Them motherfuckers out there bitch.
00:38:47Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
00:38:49Goddamn they doing that bitch.
00:38:51Goddamn.
00:38:52They just,
00:38:53they just throwing parties for no reason.
00:38:55So this particular night,
00:38:56these Cubans is throwing this party.
00:38:57I went outside to smoke a cigarette.
00:38:59I said, fuck it.
00:39:01Biff.
00:39:02Biff.
00:39:03Biff.
00:39:04Biff.
00:39:05Biff.
00:39:06Biff.
00:39:07Biff.
00:39:08Sean, give me a cigarette.
00:39:09You got it.
00:39:10Biff.
00:39:11Biff.
00:39:12Like Michael Jackson,
00:39:13I threw that bitch in.
00:39:14Biff.
00:39:15Biff.
00:39:16Cooling that shit.
00:39:17You know what I'm saying?
00:39:18Over the phone and shit.
00:39:19The music.
00:39:20Bump.
00:39:21The, her,
00:39:22they back yard is right at her front door.
00:39:25Biff.
00:39:26Biff.
00:39:27So we out there motherfuckin' talking to them.
00:39:29You know what I'm saying?
00:39:30Blowing and shit.
00:39:31And they all out that bitch.
00:39:33They got the kids playing.
00:39:34They flying caucuses.
00:39:35You know what I'm saying?
00:39:36They flying caucuses.
00:39:38They out there bitch.
00:39:39The music just bumpin'.
00:39:41The shit been bumpin' the whole night.
00:39:43So, and I'm in there bitch.
00:39:45I'm just lookin' at my phone.
00:39:47So somebody took notice.
00:39:49The owner that lived there, he came over and said,
00:39:52You wanna party?
00:39:54I said, fuck it.
00:39:55I said, no.
00:39:56I'm good.
00:39:57I'm gonna stay right here.
00:39:58I'm at my house.
00:39:59You live there?
00:40:00I said, no.
00:40:01But my peoples live there.
00:40:02You live there?
00:40:03I said, no.
00:40:04But my peoples live there.
00:40:05You live there?
00:40:06I said, fuck it.
00:40:07Yes.
00:40:08Shit.
00:40:09Holy shit.
00:40:10Yes.
00:40:11I live there motherfucka.
00:40:12It was a language burial.
00:40:13That motherfucka knew about fifteen got no English version.
00:40:16I knew ten schools.
00:40:17You know what I'm saying?
00:40:18That shit knew it universal, right?
00:40:19You start doing sign language.
00:40:20You see, most of y'all didn't know y'all do sign language and shit.
00:40:21But you know, you start doing sign language when it's a language barrier.
00:40:22So he was like, come to the house.
00:40:23Come to the house.
00:40:24He was like, no.
00:40:25No.
00:40:26No.
00:40:27And it was about three forms.
00:40:28They pushing us to the
00:40:41backyard, I was like, oh, shit.
00:40:43Fuck it.
00:40:45The blues he's playing, so that shit grabbed my body.
00:40:51I'm going to come hookah straight to the back door to shit.
00:40:53I was like, fuck it.
00:40:56I walk in the goddamn backyard, that shit fools about a hundred people in a two-bedroom apartment.
00:41:02I said, damn, but they was in that bitch deep.
00:41:05That's how we used to do it back in the day, the black folks.
00:41:07We done grew up in the economy now.
00:41:11There's about a hundred of them motherfuckers.
00:41:14They throwing a celebration for some shit, I don't know.
00:41:17I walk in that bitch, everybody got down Chinese out of that bitch.
00:41:21Everybody walk in that bitch.
00:41:23They and that motherfucker like, damn shit.
00:41:26I said, damn.
00:41:27So they looking at us.
00:41:28They looking.
00:41:32I know you looking at my skin.
00:41:34That shit golden brown, nigga. Look at that shit.
00:41:38Kissed by the sick motherfucker.
00:41:42Me and that bitch like Chinese out of that shit.
00:41:44They fucked up.
00:41:46You know what I'm saying?
00:41:48They fucked up in that bitch.
00:41:50Everyone, as soon as I walked through the gate, I had to goddamn do the 360 and shit.
00:41:54Them motherfuckers is everywhere.
00:41:56They goddamn.
00:41:57So I walk in.
00:41:59It's a whole fucking hole.
00:42:02Right there.
00:42:03On the table.
00:42:04Laid the fuck out.
00:42:05With his eyes open and shit.
00:42:07Had a lot in the mouth and it carried in his ass.
00:42:09They must have caught that bitch off guard.
00:42:12That bitch just laid the fuck out, hoe.
00:42:15Them motherfuckers got their feet and everything.
00:42:17You know they won't crack because we would have ate that shit first.
00:42:19You know what I'm saying?
00:42:20Them motherfuckers got their feet, their nose, their eyes.
00:42:21He was straight on the goddamn table.
00:42:22They fucked his ass.
00:42:23They got a hole in his ass though.
00:42:24They fucked that hell up.
00:42:25He said, come on, get some.
00:42:26I said, fuck it.
00:42:27Give me a plate.
00:42:28I said, fuck it.
00:42:29Give me a plate.
00:42:30I'm like, fuck it.
00:42:31Let me get a plate.
00:42:32Couldn't find no plates.
00:42:33So me and Niecy, we both right there.
00:42:36Fuck, what the fuck we getting ourselves into.
00:42:39They kind of like pushed us in their yard.
00:42:41I'm like, yo, no trouble.
00:42:42So he was like, fuck it.
00:42:43Come on in.
00:42:44Come on in.
00:42:45All right.
00:42:46All right.
00:42:47He was like, fuck it.
00:42:48I was like, fuck it.
00:42:49Come on in.
00:42:52And I was like, fuck it.
00:42:55No trouble.
00:42:56He was like, fucker, come on in.
00:42:59Damn, I can't even even remove the guy.
00:43:02He was a neighbor, though.
00:43:03Goddamn, let's call his ass Julio.
00:43:05I don't fucking know.
00:43:07Julio was like, goddamn, look, come on in the house.
00:43:09We're going to find some place.
00:43:10They got their hands on their back, you know, gently pushing us.
00:43:14Come on in the house.
00:43:15The music's still playing.
00:43:17I'm in there, motherfucker, though.
00:43:19I'm cool with my shit.
00:43:23We walking up in the beach.
00:43:24He introducing us to everybody.
00:43:27He said, yo, this is my son, little poppy.
00:43:31This is my old sister, sissy.
00:43:33I said, what the fuck?
00:43:33This is my mama.
00:43:35Mama was a little itty-bitty jank.
00:43:37Slim.
00:43:38She had no grease pans on and shit.
00:43:40Look at them black jankers.
00:43:42Them bitches were tight and shit.
00:43:43She had on the little hem and shit.
00:43:45She's like, ooh, she walked out of that bitch.
00:43:47I was like, this is mama.
00:43:52Hello, mama.
00:43:52I was like, what the fuck?
00:43:55So we in there, bitch.
00:43:57This is Julia.
00:43:58He's a new sister.
00:43:59He's like, everybody.
00:43:59So some of them motherfuckers had the Chinese eye looking at us like, you the fuck is this
00:44:03thing?
00:44:04And other people was like, yeah, he came in with Julio.
00:44:07So Julio lives there.
00:44:09So fuck it.
00:44:09We must be cool.
00:44:11So we up in that beach.
00:44:12We trying to find plates.
00:44:14And forks and shit.
00:44:15Ain't not.
00:44:16But I look to the right.
00:44:18It's a gas.
00:44:20It's a mountain of fucking bill boxes and shit.
00:44:23Cases.
00:44:24I said, shit.
00:44:25A homeless made to build a car.
00:44:26Know I don't know, bitch.
00:44:27They ain't got no more bill.
00:44:30No fucking more bill.
00:44:33Yo.
00:44:34They ain't got no more fucking bill.
00:44:35But they had liquor, though.
00:44:36So we up in that motherfucker.
00:44:41We was like, yo, let's get shot.
00:44:42They ain't that motherfucker like shot, shot, shot.
00:44:44We and that bitch drinking.
00:44:46Me and Niecy, we drinking and shit.
00:44:49Mama, I look at Niecy.
00:44:50Mama, I say, pick me up.
00:44:52The fuck?
00:44:54Pick me up.
00:44:55She say, sure.
00:44:56This motherfucker want me to pack her up.
00:44:58I say, pick her ass up.
00:45:01Motherfucking Niecy picked her ass up, threw her on the counter.
00:45:04Boom.
00:45:04Party was playing.
00:45:05Music never fucking stopped.
00:45:08Shame that damn beat.
00:45:09But that shit had my ass going and shit.
00:45:13I said, god damn.
00:45:15So we in that bitch liquor spilling down my arm and shit.
00:45:18I said, god damn.
00:45:20He said, fuck it.
00:45:22We ain't got no place.
00:45:22Let's go back outside.
00:45:24I thought he forgot.
00:45:25So we roots back outside.
00:45:27Music still playing.
00:45:31I'm still fucking that shit up because there's the soul in my ass.
00:45:34I can't stop.
00:45:35So he say, he takes me back to the hole.
00:45:39I'm looking at this motherfucker looking at me.
00:45:42He say, yo, get some.
00:45:44Go.
00:45:45I'm looking at this motherfucker like, what the fucking what?
00:45:48Yo, hon.
00:45:50Oh.
00:45:50No.
00:45:51Go out there and say, yo, motherfucker.
00:45:54Shit.
00:45:55This motherfucker takes my hand.
00:45:56He put his hand on my hand.
00:45:58Stick it in the goddamn pit.
00:45:59Boom.
00:46:00Then he squeeze my hand.
00:46:02Boom.
00:46:03Then he yank that bitch out.
00:46:05I got ham, bacon and eggs.
00:46:08Pork chops.
00:46:08I got all that shit in my hand.
00:46:12I got veins.
00:46:13I got chitlin and shit.
00:46:15They cooked that whole motherfucker.
00:46:16They didn't.
00:46:16No.
00:46:17They cooked that whole motherfucker.
00:46:19I said, oh shit.
00:46:20I'm looking at this bitch.
00:46:23I got white shit that just didn't look right and shit.
00:46:26I was like, oh fuck it.
00:46:28Everybody looking at my ass like this and shit.
00:46:30What is he going to do?
00:46:32It was a steel plane.
00:46:35I'm in that bitch dancing with that shit.
00:46:36I'm like, I don't want to eat this shit.
00:46:40So everybody looking at me.
00:46:41So I had to have a conversation in my mind.
00:46:43That shit had to be quick though.
00:46:45That shit.
00:46:46Fuck that shit.
00:46:47I said, yeah, damn.
00:46:49Joe Rogan appreciated it.
00:46:50I said, Joe Rogan's fear is not a fucking fatter.
00:46:54And I bit that motherfucker.
00:46:55Ow, ow, ow.
00:46:57She said, yeah, no, no, no, no.
00:46:59Music was still playing.
00:47:01She said, dance.
00:47:02I said, that shit is a fucking delicious.
00:47:08That shit was the bomb.
00:47:11I swear.
00:47:12I said, I didn't want to look at it, but that shit was,
00:47:15it must have been a curd in the ass today.
00:47:17I don't know.
00:47:18But I had all the major food groups on it in my head.
00:47:24I said, damn.
00:47:26They cooked that whole bitch.
00:47:27They just cute that bitch.
00:47:29They said, throw his ass on the fire.
00:47:31I don't know.
00:47:32But that shit was the season fucking well.
00:47:36Knocked down.
00:47:36Next thing I know, music still playing.
00:47:38I got this big ass blob of pig and shit.
00:47:42Chitneys, salt pork chops, and sausage all in my head.
00:47:46I'm dancing.
00:47:47Next thing I know, I see Niecy come out of the house.
00:47:50My mom, she like her.
00:47:52My mom, my mom said, pick me up.
00:47:54My mom bought Niecy's ass outside.
00:47:59I'm looking at that Niecy like, oh.
00:48:03Bought her straight to the pig.
00:48:04I'm starting laughing my ass off now, right?
00:48:08I was like, look, don't worry.
00:48:10This shit is good.
00:48:14This shit is good.
00:48:16So my mom took Niecy's hand, stuck that shit in the pig.
00:48:19Boom.
00:48:21Squeeze her hand.
00:48:22Boom.
00:48:22Slip that bitch off.
00:48:23Boom.
00:48:24Everybody look at it.
00:48:26Eat that shit.
00:48:28Oh, you don't have enough good ass time.
00:48:29I ain't got enough of that.
00:48:31I'm like, yo, sir.
00:48:33Time for your treatment.
00:48:38Damn it.
00:48:38No.
00:48:39Stop.
00:48:40Stop.
00:48:41Ronnie John Jones, what have I told you?
00:48:44You need to think.
00:48:44You too stupid, boy.
00:48:46I'm not stupid, Baba.
00:48:47Yes, you are.
00:48:48Boy, you ain't think enough.
00:48:49You always letting technology think for you.
00:48:51You got sent to the principal again?
00:48:54You not smarter than technology, Baba.
00:48:56Yes, I am.
00:48:57Ask me any questions, I bet you I can answer in another 10 seconds.
00:49:00Who's the 14th president of the United States of America?
00:49:04Count.
00:49:05Ow.
00:49:06James Burrow.
00:49:08I just partificated with my phone that I answered your question.
00:49:10You shouldn't have done that.
00:49:13Baba.
00:49:14Now, is that phone going to throw me across the room?
00:49:16I'll always be smarter than technology.
00:49:19Mama, you crazy.
00:49:21Shut up.
00:49:22You got sent to the principal too.
00:49:24And a happy morning to you all.
00:49:27Principal Crazy.
00:49:28I know you're getting tired of seeing my kids here in this office.
00:49:31Oh, come on, Ms. Jones.
00:49:33Uh, Rodney and Rita, they are, uh, special kind of kids.
00:49:38What the hell you mean, special?
00:49:39I don't see why we got to learn anymore anyway.
00:49:41The internet provides all the information I need.
00:49:44Why am I even here?
00:49:46All I did was tell him my brother, because he keeps using his phone, to answer all the questions.
00:49:51And that's what I do.
00:49:52Now, now, now, now, Rita.
00:49:53Nobody likes to snitch.
00:49:55Oh, I got a stitch app on my phone as well.
00:49:57It's my least favorite app.
00:49:59You my least favorite.
00:50:00Get off my own face.
00:50:01Hey, hey.
00:50:02Now, Ms. Jones, Rodney has a tendency to ignore his teachers.
00:50:06Yeah.
00:50:07I don't ignore my teachers.
00:50:08They just always ask me questions when I'm trying to do things on my phone.
00:50:12Rodney's getting exiled.
00:50:13Rodney's getting exiled.
00:50:14Rodney's getting exiled.
00:50:15Rodney's getting exiled.
00:50:15You shut up.
00:50:15You just...
00:50:16You're stupid.
00:50:18Sorry, mama.
00:50:19You're stupid.
00:50:19Both of y'all best behave.
00:50:22I'm going to give me a soda, and press some grease when I come back.
00:50:26These kids better be disciplined, or they're going to feel a world of hurt like never before.
00:50:30Now, Ms. Jones, I'm not sure that...
00:50:32World of...
00:50:33I'm just letting you hurt, huh?
00:50:35Me?
00:50:36Give me a living life soda.
00:50:38Rodney, sit down.
00:50:41I don't want you.
00:50:42Now.
00:50:43It still works.
00:50:44You get on my nerves.
00:50:45See, now I'm going to have to tell, and then we both going to get in trouble.
00:50:48Now, now, now.
00:50:49Settle down, children.
00:50:50Look, your mother has the best intentions for you, okay?
00:50:53She wants you to receive a quality education, and technology is getting in the way of that.
00:50:57I'm just ahead of the curve, Principal Creasy.
00:51:00They're going to have phones that play in our heads one day anyway.
00:51:02But until that day, Rodney, we must keep the technology to a minimum, okay?
00:51:08You're going to have to hand that phone over to me, or you and me are going to have to spend the day in detention.
00:51:12Now, come on.
00:51:12It's not going to be me and you.
00:51:14It's going to be me and you.
00:51:16That won't be necessary, Principal Creasy.
00:51:18What do you mean?
00:51:18I just downloaded the detention app.
00:51:20It's certified by the Board of Education and registered by the area schools of 36 states.
00:51:26This be one of them.
00:51:27Let me see that phone right quick.
00:51:31Check my credentials.
00:51:34Wow.
00:51:35That looks legit.
00:51:36Of course it is, Principal Creasy.
00:51:38Welcome to the 21st century.
00:51:41Okay.
00:51:42You both are free to go.
00:51:44Mm-hmm.
00:51:45Yeah.
00:51:45I got that.
00:51:46I'm going to take care of the paperwork.
00:51:47All right.
00:51:50A detention app?
00:51:51Really?
00:51:52No, it's a get out of detention app.
00:51:54You see, it makes those fools think we're being punished.
00:51:58Technology, I love you.
00:52:02Let's go get some waffles.
00:52:04Yes!
00:52:06Go, hurry up.
00:52:07Hey, look, some random shit, right?
00:52:12Y'all know 7-Eleven said cool and red.
00:52:13Yeah.
00:52:15Yeah.
00:52:15Are you having that shit?
00:52:16Yeah.
00:52:18You're the crazy black person in America that had that cool and red.
00:52:22I know that.
00:52:24Yeah.
00:52:24What the fuck you selling cool and red at 7-Eleven?
00:52:28That's a goddamn injustice and shit.
00:52:30I'm scared to try that shit.
00:52:33I'm scared to try that goddamn cool and red, 7-Eleven cool and red and shit.
00:52:36Fuck that shit.
00:52:38What the fuck is they doing, man?
00:52:42It's a beauty.
00:52:45Who else had that goddamn cool and red but this motherfucker?
00:52:48You had?
00:52:49You got a trick.
00:52:50What the fuck?
00:52:51I'mma tell you, for real, you had some real good-ass cornbread, you wouldn't even have
00:52:55thought about that shit.
00:52:57You had some, what the fuck you from?
00:53:00That damn man or some shit?
00:53:02Hell no.
00:53:03Let me tell you about this dirty sour cornbread, you know what I'm saying?
00:53:06You done did them threw some whipped cream, some sour cream in that bitch with corn.
00:53:11Real goddamn corn.
00:53:12Now, you eat that shit with some shrimp, some fish.
00:53:14You, what the fuck was you thinking?
00:53:18Chicken don't go.
00:53:20Hold up.
00:53:20What the fuck was you thinking when you actually purchased that motherfucker?
00:53:24They had to do that shit on a giveaway for me.
00:53:27Fuck that shit.
00:53:28They be like, free cornbread today.
00:53:30All right, I'll try.
00:53:32I done had some good-ass cornbread in my life.
00:53:35I can't even fuck with no 7-Eleven cornbread.
00:53:38That shit good.
00:53:40It's sweet.
00:53:41That ain't real.
00:53:42I'm about to give me a piece of that lid.
00:53:43Oh, fuck that shit.
00:53:44Wait a minute, hold on.
00:53:45Wait a minute, I'm about to have no obsession up in this motherfucker.
00:53:48Fuck that shit.
00:53:49Fuck that shit.
00:53:49Fuck that shit.
00:53:50If you got the munchies, it's good.
00:53:52Oh, give me a piece of that bitch.
00:53:53Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:53:55Fuck out.
00:53:56If you got the munchies.
00:53:57Don't make me telemundo in your ass.
00:53:59I'm telemundo all over y'all ass up in this bitch.
00:54:05Over some y'all cornbread in.
00:54:06This is not a participation show.
00:54:11My own boy that I like.
00:54:12Yo, but I'ma tell y'all though, for real.
00:54:15I know, right?
00:54:15That's great.
00:54:16I done, um, I done found out what women be thinking and shit.
00:54:22This is a lifelong thing that fellas might want to know.
00:54:26I found out why women be feeding men and shit.
00:54:33I thought they were going to say, that's ain't the way to a man's heart.
00:54:36It's through his stomach, right?
00:54:38That's what they fucking say.
00:54:40But I found out.
00:54:41And this is what the fuck I found out.
00:54:45I found out that women feed men so they can fix shit.
00:54:52I said, what the fuck?
00:54:54I said, you right when I think about that shit.
00:54:59Yo, can you fix the toilet?
00:55:00You want something to eat?
00:55:03Can you change my oil?
00:55:05You want some meat?
00:55:06What the hell's going on?
00:55:08You, you, they don't bite a motherfucker over for dinner.
00:55:12You, you, if you eat, if you don't know, you got to fix some shit.
00:55:15Hey, look, can you get my, uh, bags out of the car?
00:55:18You want something to eat?
00:55:19No, fuck.
00:55:21No, just hold my legs in the air.
00:55:24You want something to eat?
00:55:25Hell no.
00:55:26That shit, you the one making out of that deal, bitch.
00:55:31What the fuck wrong with you?
00:55:33You got there, I don't even fix your car, put lady, cop it and shit.
00:55:37Get you an addition to your house.
00:55:39And you gave me a goddamn meal.
00:55:42I thought that shit back in the day was supposed to bring your ass home.
00:55:46Leave it out, leave it out, man.
00:55:48Because niggas getting deceived.
00:55:51I thought that shit was supposed to brought your ass home.
00:55:53He hungry, he coming home.
00:55:55Oh, he coming home.
00:55:56I don't care who he fucking, he coming home to get this food.
00:55:59No, that shit is going to make your ass work.
00:56:02Shit, I went to my mama's house.
00:56:06She said, Sean, you want something to eat?
00:56:09I said, hell no.
00:56:10Fuck it.
00:56:12I left my toolbox.
00:56:14Fuck the fuck.
00:56:16I know we ain't fucking.
00:56:18Oh, you suck, man.
00:56:21I said, fuck the fuck.
00:56:23Fuck the fuck.
00:56:24You want something to eat?
00:56:25Hell no, mama.
00:56:26I don't want shit to eat.
00:56:28I want a goddamn thing.
00:56:30Your husband now walked to the door about eight times and shit.
00:56:36Y'all got his ass on TV?
00:56:38Hell no, I don't want nothing to eat.
00:56:41The fuck around with you?
00:56:42It's nasty.
00:56:44If he's in the street to me like that, you want something to eat?
00:56:48Come clean my carpet.
00:56:49You want something to eat?
00:56:51What the fuck for?
00:56:52But I found out from another friend that women don't really fuck the men they really, really
00:57:00like.
00:57:01I said, what the fuck?
00:57:04You mean that's why you ain't giving no pussy?
00:57:08Because you really care for me?
00:57:09What the fuck about you?
00:57:12Fuck now.
00:57:13I'm about to cancel all holidays in America over that shit.
00:57:17Fuck that shit.
00:57:18We ain't going on no more.
00:57:20Because you like me so much.
00:57:22I'm going to be a goddamn mean motherfucker.
00:57:24I ain't getting no pussy because you like me.
00:57:27The fuck?
00:57:28Love, love.
00:57:30That's why you ain't giving no pussy.
00:57:32The fuck around with you.
00:57:35Shit.
00:57:35Shit.
00:57:35No, they got legalized weed in like 38, 40 states.
00:57:43What the fuck?
00:57:44What the fuck is taking us on?
00:57:48It's like 42 states.
00:57:5042?
00:57:51Goddamn, we ain't got eight more to go.
00:57:53What the fuck?
00:57:54What the fuck?
00:57:56We goddamn Democrats.
00:57:58All the Republicans ready to get paid off that shit.
00:58:01Man, what the fuck?
00:58:02Man, my goddamn brother and his lady, they went up the goddamn D motherfucking seat.
00:58:08Y'all heard me.
00:58:08Chocolate City.
00:58:10The motherfuckers went to a weed smoking convention.
00:58:12I ain't even know they had them.
00:58:13They didn't get paid.
00:58:14You can pay.
00:58:16You can get in.
00:58:17You fuck with all this shit.
00:58:18If you want.
00:58:19I say, bitch, stop playing.
00:58:22I say, goddamn.
00:58:23He said, yo, bro.
00:58:25They got this shit.
00:58:27I said, what you mean?
00:58:28I mean, that bitch all is.
00:58:30What the fuck you mean?
00:58:31He said, they got this shit called deleted.
00:58:36Go ahead and have them cushion mixed with pussy.
00:58:39I said, what the fuck is that?
00:58:41He said, yo, you don't even know you high.
00:58:43Till you high.
00:58:45I say, stop playing.
00:58:47I've been after this praying to God.
00:58:49I said, Jesus, please come with me.
00:58:53I want some beer to smoke weed again.
00:58:55It's been a long-ass time.
00:58:57See, y'all got that shit on there?
00:58:59I said, yeah.
00:58:59I said, yeah.
00:58:59I said, yeah.
00:59:01That's some bullshit.
00:59:03What was that shit when I was growing up?
00:59:05Oh.
00:59:06I ain't gonna sneak my weed around me.
00:59:08Hey.
00:59:09That shit was delicious.
00:59:11But they got some noob out there on weed.
00:59:15That shit is nothing what you used to.
00:59:19They got some bionic shit.
00:59:21I wanted to try that motherfucking shit.
00:59:24I wanted to try that motherfucking shit.
00:59:24But you know what?
00:59:26I ain't gonna lie.
00:59:26I did try it.
00:59:27My homeboy, he came past the house on a surprise.
00:59:31I opened the door.
00:59:32His ass was in that big smile.
00:59:33I said, what the fuck?
00:59:34I said, motherfucker, come on in.
00:59:39I got some beers.
00:59:40He said, I got the weed.
00:59:42I said, I ain't fucking with that shit.
00:59:44He said, can I roll up?
00:59:45I said, hell yeah.
00:59:46Go ahead.
00:59:46I'm gonna drink this beer.
00:59:48He rolled up.
00:59:49I'm drinking the beer.
00:59:50I'm feeling good some kind of way.
00:59:52I said, fuck it.
00:59:54Y'all know about that fucking, right?
00:59:55I said, fuck it.
00:59:56Let me hit that shit.
00:59:57I hit that shit.
00:59:58I was goddamn like, ooh-wee.
01:00:01That shit fucked me up.
01:00:03I'm 40-something years old.
01:00:04I just started rapping out of nowhere.
01:00:06Shit.
01:00:11Yeah, Busta B.
01:00:13We ain't that bitch rapping for like 20 minutes.
01:00:20I almost got him on the floor and started breaking his shit.
01:00:23We rapping for like 20 minutes.
01:00:25I said, hold up.
01:00:26Oh, I'm sweating shit.
01:00:35Oh, shit.
01:00:36It's that new weed.
01:00:37It's that push pussy shit.
01:00:40Oh, I'm about to go outside and throw up, okay?
01:00:44Oh, shit.
01:00:46I knew I shouldn't have fucked with that shit.
01:00:49Oh, I hope they ain't got no surprise drug testing.
01:00:54You okay?
01:00:54Hell no, god damn.
01:00:57That new weed will fuck you up.
01:00:58You ain't having it in your system and shit.
01:01:00God damn.
01:01:02I'm trying to get me some of that.
01:01:04Yeah, that's what I'm talking.
01:01:06Look at that.
01:01:07Look at that big-ass river.
01:01:10Man, that thing is huge.
01:01:13Wait here.
01:01:14Hmm?
01:01:15What?
01:01:16Oh, hold on, man.
01:01:17See, that river about, about, it's about that big.
01:01:24Come here, man.
01:01:25Get away from there.
01:01:27We just made a national discovery.
01:01:30We're the first one to see it, too.
01:01:31And we're going to call the local news, the national news, and we're going to call that white lady,
01:01:40bad boy Walters, quick.
01:01:42It's alive.
01:01:45What do you mean it's alive?
01:01:47The river's alive.
01:01:49Oh, it's a big-ass river.
01:01:51That's what it is.
01:01:52Matter of fact, I seen your boy Jerome walking over there.
01:01:55He might have fell his ass in there.
01:01:57My boy Jerome.
01:01:59Yeah, your boy.
01:02:00Man.
01:02:00He always over there, back here.
01:02:03I'm sweating, I'm thirsty.
01:02:05This my boy right here.
01:02:07What?
01:02:08Well, that's my boy, too.
01:02:10Well, it's a civil union, man.
01:02:13Get mad, baby.
01:02:15You got a light?
01:02:16Give me a light.
01:02:17Give me a light.
01:02:17You took so long to ask me before I take you.
01:02:20Man.
01:02:21I ain't got no light.
01:02:22Where the light at?
01:02:23Bill Cosby took their light just after he killed Billy Mays.
01:02:29You've been re-warned.
01:02:31Hey, hey, hey, I got to get real with y'all for a minute.
01:02:34I've been dating.
01:02:35You know, I'm in my 40s.
01:02:39And I'm dating.
01:02:41I'm trying to take my time, you know what I'm saying?
01:02:43And so I'm out there.
01:02:46That shit gets harder.
01:02:47The older you get, that shit gets harder.
01:02:49Because you ain't got, you know, that shit.
01:02:51You ain't like that no more.
01:02:52So you just be like, you come on with that smooth shit.
01:02:55You know, you ain't chasing after it.
01:02:58And so I'm out there dating.
01:03:01And I realized that the dating scene is just not the fucking same.
01:03:07We don't see eye to eye, especially in the black community.
01:03:11So we date.
01:03:13I said, I'm dating.
01:03:14I say, no, I'll let you know.
01:03:16I date just like a white man.
01:03:18Because you get a sister.
01:03:21Y'all date.
01:03:21Y'all go to the movies about three times.
01:03:24Y'all go out together four times.
01:03:25Y'all fuck.
01:03:28You belong to me.
01:03:29That thing is nice.
01:03:30Get your dick in my purse.
01:03:31Wait a minute.
01:03:33Yo baby tell them, move your ass.
01:03:34No, no.
01:03:35Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
01:03:37They go hard on the fuck.
01:03:38You know, we been spending time together.
01:03:39But God damn, we haven't had a verbal contract.
01:03:44You see what I'm saying?
01:03:44So I date like a white man.
01:03:47Fuck that.
01:03:48You know, they date about three, four, five women at a time.
01:03:50You know, everybody know.
01:03:52Yo, I'm a dating.
01:03:54But black women, for some reason, y'all black women don't get that shit.
01:03:57Oh, I date you all my pussy.
01:03:59Wait a minute.
01:04:00I date you all my dick.
01:04:01Wait a minute.
01:04:03We even steaming up in this bitch.
01:04:06Slow your road, God damn it.
01:04:07Fuck that shit.
01:04:08You know, we got to have a verbal contract.
01:04:10Other than that, there's no need to get mad.
01:04:13You know.
01:04:13But dating is hard as a motherfucker, though.
01:04:17And I went back to my ex.
01:04:20And, you know, big and small say the ex makes the sex spectacular.
01:04:26So, you know, everybody is a familiar pussy, familiar dick.
01:04:30So, you go back and you're like, fuck it.
01:04:31I ain't seen you in a while.
01:04:32Boom, boom.
01:04:33You fucked, right?
01:04:34She said, nigga, you need to come up with some new moves.
01:04:36What the fuck?
01:04:38Wait a minute.
01:04:39You messing with my shit.
01:04:40I had to back.
01:04:41I had to back the fuck up and think about that shit.
01:04:48But, you know, dating is fucked up.
01:04:50And you really never know a person.
01:04:54It's a you live work.
01:04:56Am I right?
01:04:56Am I right?
01:04:57Am I right?
01:04:57So right.
01:04:58You live with the ass, you find out all the fucking shit.
01:05:02How they fought, poop, you know what I'm saying.
01:05:04Daniel, tell them how you do.
01:05:05Oh, ho, ho.
01:05:07You're fighting on the ass and shit.
01:05:09You really never know a person until you live with them.
01:05:12And to back that up, a couple of months ago, I went to Pennsylvania to go for a crane class.
01:05:23Pennsylvania.
01:05:23You're no job singer there.
01:05:24We're going to sing at a school to learn how to operate this crane.
01:05:29I said, well, it was fucking all right.
01:05:31There's two of y'all in the room.
01:05:32So I went, well, my ex-supervisor.
01:05:36So we're on a road trip up to Pennsylvania.
01:05:41And I blessed him with a bag of Doritos.
01:05:42I'm eating.
01:05:44You want some?
01:05:47I offered him some because he was driving.
01:05:49I thought, you want some?
01:05:50He said, hell yeah.
01:05:51Boom.
01:05:52Boom.
01:05:53He's eating.
01:05:54Oh.
01:05:55Like, you're fucking my bag.
01:05:57Oh.
01:05:59My mama said, take Jesus.
01:06:00Jesus was almost busting shit.
01:06:03And he did.
01:06:05So I said, oh, shit.
01:06:09We're going to be in the room with this motherfucker for a week.
01:06:13So he threw his hand right in my bag.
01:06:14I said, oh, shit.
01:06:20I held the bag over there, too.
01:06:22I wasn't going to throw him in his head.
01:06:23But he threw his hand in my bag.
01:06:25I said, oh, shit.
01:06:26Fuck it.
01:06:27I sucked it up.
01:06:27I ain't even going to carry it like that.
01:06:30So we get's to Pennsylvania.
01:06:32We check in.
01:06:33Check in in a nice-ass hotel.
01:06:35I said, okay.
01:06:35They put us up real good.
01:06:37We got five days to pass this certification and shit.
01:06:41First motherfucking day.
01:06:43I finds out.
01:06:45Are we living together now?
01:06:46What?
01:06:46For a week.
01:06:48For a week.
01:06:48We living together.
01:06:49I found out this motherfucking shit in the griddy.
01:06:53This motherfucking shit.
01:06:57He shitted goddamn every goddamn 30 minutes.
01:07:02Y'all think I'm lying?
01:07:03This is a real, this is a real man.
01:07:06I'm telling you, this motherfucking shit it for 30 minutes.
01:07:10I said, bitch, I think you got a virus.
01:07:12That's the thing about going to the doctor.
01:07:15Bitch, you is fucked the fuck up.
01:07:17You in there shitting every 30 minutes.
01:07:20I said, oh my God.
01:07:23So then he comes out the goddamn bathroom.
01:07:25Shit in the griddy.
01:07:26This motherfucker come out the bathroom like this.
01:07:28I'm listening because I'm in the room.
01:07:30They in the middle of the bed.
01:07:31Look at that cave.
01:07:32They got it.
01:07:32So this motherfucker, I'm listening.
01:07:38The television real loach.
01:07:40He flushed the toilet.
01:07:42I had a little bit.
01:07:44This motherfucker came out the bathroom.
01:07:47Oh, Lord.
01:07:49The fuck?
01:07:51Now those of you who know me, what you think I'm saying?
01:07:56You know I ain't holding my goddamn tongue.
01:07:57I said, bitch, you ain't wash your hands.
01:08:00He said, I can't make this shit up.
01:08:05I learned that from my cousin.
01:08:06I can't make this shit up.
01:08:07This motherfucker told me.
01:08:09My mama and daddy told me.
01:08:11She taught me how to wipe my ass without getting my hands dirty.
01:08:15I said, oh shit.
01:08:18The first thing popped up in my head.
01:08:20This nigga put his head in my fucking narino.
01:08:24What the fuck?
01:08:27What the fuck is wrong with you?
01:08:29I said, damn, I done, bro.
01:08:31I done ate shit and chips.
01:08:34This motherfucker sold me.
01:08:37Oh, bro.
01:08:37This motherfucker bought 40 and 41.
01:08:41My mama and daddy taught me how to wipe my ass.
01:08:47Without getting my hands dirty.
01:08:48I damn near died.
01:08:50He got the goddamn PlayStation hooked up to the TV.
01:08:53I got down playing movies and shit with the Xbox.
01:08:55All that shit is on my hands.
01:08:57Oh, my God.
01:08:58The whole week, he not, he shitting his ass off.
01:09:02Every day I'm coming in.
01:09:02I say, bitch, you shitting up eight times a day.
01:09:05Something wrong.
01:09:06I said, you need to go to the doctor.
01:09:09What the fuck is wrong with you?
01:09:11God damn.
01:09:12He fucking, what is the, he said, look, how the fuck?
01:09:15What is he, a shitologist or some shit?
01:09:17I don't fuck you.
01:09:19Bitch, you goddamn shit.
01:09:21You don't know why you got a virus.
01:09:22Bitch, your hands is dirty.
01:09:24You sucking your fingers out the McDonald's.
01:09:26You done fucked me up.
01:09:29I'm in the bed.
01:09:30I'm taking showers like this, opening the door and shit.
01:09:33I'm taking showers on with my elbows.
01:09:36I say, man, yeah, I checked this out.
01:09:38So I came home and told my son.
01:09:40My son, he 20 years old.
01:09:42He had no mistake.
01:09:43You know, give it up.
01:09:43Give it up for that.
01:09:44Give it up.
01:09:46I'm a boy, Junior.
01:09:49And he's a handsome young man.
01:09:50He didn't have no goddamn sex.
01:09:54I made his ass.
01:09:58Junior said, dad, why you didn't check his ass?
01:10:00I said, wait a minute, son.
01:10:02Hold on.
01:10:03I say, he connected with the higher-ups.
01:10:07He's just the supervisor.
01:10:09Well, he connected with the higher-ups.
01:10:10I don't want to piss his ass off.
01:10:13I said, but he did give me about 10 minutes worth of material.
01:10:16Yo, no.
01:10:22Yo, my name is Sean Money Lamont.
01:10:26I don't know everything, but that's the goddamn way I see it.
01:10:30Make some noise!
01:10:36Where my dogs at?
01:10:37Hey!
01:10:37Hey!
01:10:38Hey!
01:10:38Hey!
01:10:39Hey!
01:10:39Hey!
01:10:40Hey!
01:10:40Hey!
01:10:41Hey!
01:10:41Hey!
01:10:42Hey!
01:10:42Hey!
01:10:43Hey!
01:10:43Hey!
01:10:43Hey!
01:10:44Hey!
01:10:45Hey!
01:10:46Larry Bro組 OK!
01:10:46Oh, my God.
01:10:47Oh, my God.
01:10:48Yeah!
01:10:48Oh, my God.
01:10:50Oh, my God.
01:10:51Oh, my God.
01:10:51Yeah!
01:10:52Oh, my God.
01:10:53Oh, my God.
01:10:53Oh, my God.
01:10:54There's a war going on.
01:10:56God.
01:10:56Oh, my God.
01:10:57Oh, my God.
01:11:09Ya!
01:11:09More A-I-M.
01:11:10Drop H-I-M.
01:11:11Myra say more!
01:11:12I declare war.
01:11:14Y'all don't play fair, we don't play fair
01:11:16Need I say more, I declare war
01:11:18You are one A-I-M, drop H-I-M
01:11:21Need I say more, I declare war
01:11:24That's what I dropped out, pan
01:11:25Big bunker busting guns, busting slugs
01:11:27Dumbled on thugs who say nothing
01:11:29Cause they too busy fronting
01:11:30Yo, fuck that, do we got time?
01:11:33Fuck that, it's official that the hip-hop game
01:11:36Has collapsed and been replaced
01:11:37With a whole van of useless crap
01:11:39And we ain't going out like that
01:11:41I despise species, my species will adapt
01:11:43Before we back down, easy
01:11:45Believe me, it gets realer than that
01:11:46More real, more feel, more meat, less fat
01:11:49More trees, less sacks for them crews to adapt to
01:11:52Ain't no sense being pensively casual
01:11:54They stab you in the neck for slipping
01:11:56In the back, if you play the victim
01:11:58These are the days we live it, yo
01:11:59Blast up every case, slash the masquerade
01:12:02Attack these actors and smash their back pain
01:12:04Cause, y'all don't play fair
01:12:06We don't play fair
01:12:07Need I say more, I declare war
01:12:10One A-I-M, drop H-I-M
01:12:12Need I say more, I declare war
01:12:15Y'all don't play fair
01:12:16We don't play fair
01:12:18Need I say more, I declare war
01:12:20One A-I-M, drop H-I-M
01:12:23Need I say more, I declare war
01:12:25When I speak, my feet sink into the concrete
01:12:28Shatter anything that I'm facing beyond me
01:12:30Young, rash, and cocky
01:12:31Confident, rhyme, prodigy
01:12:33Look in my eyes that admits like
01:12:34Don't bother me
01:12:35Honorary
01:12:36Getting in that ass like
01:12:37Sodomy
01:12:38Thinking she cute when honestly
01:12:39Glitch is quite sloppy
01:12:40The original
01:12:41No mock-up
01:12:42Bloodiest mock-up
01:12:43Worst thought you ever thought of
01:12:45Was trying to stop us
01:12:46Knock us
01:12:46Never that
01:12:47The future of the underground
01:12:48Glitch, get a rope, man
01:12:49It's time to hang it up now
01:12:51It's a rap and bar wire
01:12:53First name Waterloo
01:12:54Last name All Fire
01:12:56And heat rises
01:12:57We on the way to the top
01:12:58Save me a spot in that champion slot
01:13:01Stop whispering
01:13:01I know what you're saying
01:13:02I ain't dumb
01:13:03You can have rap back
01:13:04Once the rap is done
01:13:06So if y'all don't play fair
01:13:07We don't play fair
01:13:09Need I say more
01:13:10I declare war
01:13:11One A-I-M
01:13:12Drop H-I-M
01:13:14Need I say more
01:13:15I declare war
01:13:16Y'all don't play fair
01:13:18We don't play fair
01:13:19Need I say more
01:13:20I declare war
01:13:21One A-I-M
01:13:23Drop H-I-M
01:13:24Need I say more
01:13:25I declare war
01:13:26Yeah, this goes out
01:13:38To all those rappers
01:13:38Who's really actors
01:13:39Movers and shakers
01:13:41That's really fakers
01:13:42Get your game up
01:13:44Or get your kick up
01:13:45Big Knicks to the Yow
01:13:46Drop H-I-M
01:13:50A-I-M
01:13:52Check-ify
01:13:53What it does
01:13:53Is the size of a
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