- 7/2/2025
Category
๐น
FunTranscript
00:00It's scary getting older. It's scary for women getting older because men if you get gray hair, that's sexy
00:08That's salt and pepper
00:13Women we get gray hair and it's like oh
00:17What happened?
00:20That's not fair. I
00:23Gotta start changing some things about my life. I can't keep shopping at the same stores used to shop at
00:28Like forever 21
00:32No, you're not
00:35Turns out that was a lie. I
00:38Cannot be in line behind some 21 year old buying the same dress as her. She's out here living her best life
00:44I'm trying to remember to take my vitamins
00:49We like the same dress for different reasons
00:52She's like who has pockets for my ID. I'm like ooh pockets for my tums
00:58You got to put that down go to Ann Taylor loft where we belong
01:09Go to White House black market
01:12Do a loop Tilo at Talbots
01:15Pass by J. Jill
01:18Peek your head in at Chico's and then go home cuz your feet hurt
01:23I'm approaching the age where I'm gonna start getting my clothes the same place. I get my groceries
01:34Say I won't
01:37You will catch me at Costco
01:39About to get them Kirkland jeans
01:45Them Kirkland socks
01:48That Kirkland body wash
01:50Hey, this Kirkland gang gang what?
01:54About to be my new Tuesday
01:57I'm gonna start out front give me hot dog and a soda for a dollar fifty
02:01Then I'll flash my VIP card and mosey on it
02:08I start with a lap of samples
02:10Then I take my hair out of my ponytail make a lap in the other direction
02:14Around you
02:17Hey, but if you come in for a second sample at Costco be warned these sample ladies get offended
02:24They act a type of way if you come in for a second sample like they have been baking from scratch all day long
02:32Like really Beth
02:37Just give me another chicken tender why I gotta do this
02:44It's embarrassing enough just asking for a sample
02:48It's embarrassing right because you have to pretend like you've never heard of this product before
02:53You said it's a tender
03:08And you dip it
03:15Sure, I'll try one
03:18I'd be coming up with lies just to get a second sample
03:21I do. I'll be like, I'm sorry. Can I get another one for my husband? He's really hungry
03:28Where is he? Oh, he's at home
03:34I forget that I'm a little bit famous and sometimes people recognize me because one time I came in for a second sample
03:42and the sample lady was like I've seen y'all
03:46I was like on TV. She goes, no, this is your third time
03:55Mind your business Beth
04:03It's hard getting older
04:05There's too many acronyms to keep up with now
04:08Like my friend texted me the other day. She was like T L D R
04:12I was like, what's that?
04:13She said too long didn't read
04:15I
04:17was like, oh
04:19Well, too short didn't understand
04:21I
04:23Know BRB and LOL. That's it
04:27And I have come to realize that I am far too generous with my LOLs
04:32LOL has become a common courtesy
04:37It's just a thing you say
04:39Like another common courtesy
04:41If somebody is next to you and they sneeze
04:43What do you say?
04:44Bless you
04:45But are you really blessing them from God?
04:48No
04:50It's just a thing you say
04:52When your friend texts you and they're trying to be funny
04:54What do you say?
04:56LOL
04:57Did you really laugh out loud?
05:00No
05:02You didn't
05:04At this point LOL just means I have received your text
05:13If I reply to your text with LOL
05:16At most
05:17A little bit of error came out my nostril
05:23If I reply to your text with LOL
05:25This is how I read your text
05:26Like it was funny
05:27But I don't know how to type back
05:28If I reply to your text with LOL
05:41That's funny
05:42If I reply to your text with LOL
05:47Like BWHAHA that means I was so funny I had to spit something out my mouth
05:51If I reply to your text with LOL
05:52That means that I said something funny and I'm really proud of myself
05:57It's hard getting older
06:02That means that I said something funny and I'm really proud of myself.
06:10It's hard getting older.
06:12But no matter how old I get, I will always be younger than my sister, okay?
06:19I am my sister's little sister.
06:26Any other little sisters here tonight?
06:28Little sisters?
06:29Yes.
06:32Dare I say the little sister is the best sister?
06:38Probably because the older sister is exhausted from having to raise the rest of us.
06:44Right?
06:46Because when mom was at work, she had to cook.
06:49She had to clean.
06:50She gave herself spanking privileges.
06:54My sister was stressed out by the time she was 13.
06:58We'd catch her on the side of the house smoking those candy cigarettes.
07:02There was a dark period of time where she was going through about six packs a day.
07:13Probably because those things only had one puff of smoke in each cigarette.
07:19Those were some wild times, man.
07:20We'd be at the ice cream truck ordering fake cigarettes, fake chewing tobacco.
07:26I was nine years old doing lines of lemon salt on my hand.
07:33Wild.
07:34I am my sister's little sister.
07:38We grew up best friends.
07:39We're still best friends.
07:41I talk to my sister like five times a day, which is great for me.
07:45Not so much for her because she has a real job.
07:47And I call her when she's at work.
07:51So she answers the phone in her work voice.
07:54Hello.
07:56I go, hi.
08:02What's up?
08:05Oh, nothing.
08:06What are you doing?
08:08I'm working.
08:09Dang, you work every day?
08:17Mm-hmm.
08:19Aw, all right then.
08:23Anyway, I was watching this show last night.
08:26It was real good.
08:28But then I fell asleep and I had the craziest dream.
08:31I was hiking up this mountain and there were these little birds in my shoe that kept chirping at me.
08:36Then I get to the top of the mountain and Grandma's house is there, but not Grandma from San Jose, Grandma from Reno.
08:42And I was like, dang, that's crazy.
08:47Anyway, what are you doing?
08:53Still working.
08:56Okay, call me later.
08:57Bye.
08:59And I hang up.
09:01Only she doesn't call me later.
09:03So I have to call her later.
09:07But she's at work.
09:08I don't want to be a pest.
09:09So I give it like at least an hour.
09:14And I call her back.
09:15Now she answers the phone.
09:16No more work voice.
09:17Now she has deadlines.
09:18She has things to do.
09:20Now she answers the phone.
09:21What's up?
09:25Oh.
09:26Um.
09:27Real quick.
09:28Um.
09:30Do you remember when Dad used to take us camping?
09:32Yeah.
09:36Yeah.
09:37And remember how we always used to have those Doritos sandwiches with pickles in the middle?
09:42Yeah.
09:43Those are good, huh?
09:44And you'd think she'd be pissed because I'm wasting her time.
09:49But now we're talking about food and food is our jam.
09:51So she participates.
09:52Those were so good.
09:54I haven't thought about those in forever.
09:56I know.
09:57Do you ever think about Chef Ware de Raviolis?
09:59Yeah.
10:02Do you ever think about fish sticks?
10:05Yeah.
10:07Okay.
10:07I'll call you later.
10:08Bye.
10:12If I ever call my sister and she doesn't answer the phone, I automatically assume it was a mistake.
10:19She left her phone in the bathroom.
10:21I should definitely call her right back.
10:23And if she still doesn't answer the phone, then I wait for the text message from her that says,
10:29On a conference call, what's up?
10:31If I don't get the on a conference call, what's up text that I know for a fact,
10:36she's probably being attacked and I should definitely call her until she answers the phone.
10:41But she loves it though.
10:43You know what I mean?
10:44Especially when she's real busy at work.
10:46I'm like a breath of fresh air.
10:47Sometimes I call my sister and we don't say anything at all.
10:56We're just on the phone.
10:59And my husband doesn't get it.
11:01He's like, what are you doing?
11:02Hang up the phone.
11:04I'm talking to my sister.
11:07But neither one of you are saying anything.
11:09Yeah, because we're thinking about what we're going to say next.
11:13I love hanging out with my sister.
11:17We hang out all the time.
11:19Although it's been difficult over the past few years because of the pandemic.
11:22And I find it funny that everybody experienced it differently depending on what part of the world you live in.
11:29Like I remember when things first started going down in 2020.
11:32We were watching the news and it was like everybody in Italy was dying.
11:37Everybody in Spain had to stay in the house.
11:40Everybody in Florida was on spring break the whole time.
11:45Just wilding.
11:47I don't even know if they heard about COVID.
11:51Because they were at the club every night like, hey, I'm a savage.
11:55Yeah.
11:56Fleshy, blue sheep, fleshy.
11:58Yeah.
11:58And I was at home watching the news like, Florida.
12:08What are you doing?
12:13You're embarrassing us.
12:19I remember when things started getting real serious.
12:21And they were like, all right, nobody can go to work.
12:24Only essential employees.
12:26And first of all, let's give it up for any essential employees that are here tonight.
12:31We thank you.
12:34We appreciate you.
12:35We are grateful for you.
12:38Whether you were in the ER or at Trader Joe's.
12:43It was a scary time.
12:45We didn't know what was happening.
12:46And you put that Hawaiian shirt on and you showed up.
12:50We appreciate that.
12:52It was an emergency.
12:54I needed my honey sesame cashews.
12:56They said, only essential employees can go to work.
13:02So in my mind, I was visualizing all these high-rise buildings empty, cubicles empty, offices empty.
13:11It did not compute in my brain that that also meant TJ Maxx was closed.
13:16Because I went to TJ Maxx and the doors were locked.
13:22And I was like, what's this?
13:27They said, it's a world pandemic.
13:30I was like, yeah, but at TJ Maxx though?
13:34Isn't this essential?
13:35It is for me.
13:39Any other Maxxinistas in the building tonight?
13:45Yes.
13:46Maxxinistas.
13:47We go to TJ Maxx when we don't need anything.
13:50It's just a part of our mental health day.
13:55We just want to go look at stuff and smell candles.
14:00I feel good at TJ Maxx knowing that anything I would ever need in life, I could get right here in this store.
14:09Whatever you need.
14:10Do you want a new outfit with a matching purse?
14:12We got you over here.
14:14You want some random spices you'll never find anywhere else?
14:19Over there by the lentil chips.
14:25You want some makeup for 50% off?
14:29Yes, I do.
14:31It's probably seven years old.
14:35But it's Urban Decay for $3.99.
14:40By that point, it has Urban Decayed all the way.
14:47It's as if TJ Maxx was saying, here, you throw this away.
15:05I love TJ Maxx.
15:07But they always get me at the end in that zig-zag register line.
15:15Right?
15:16Where they have all the last-minute buys.
15:19All the things you didn't know you needed in your life.
15:23I can be walking around TJ Maxx for like an hour.
15:26I have two things in my cart.
15:27Then I start making my way through the line.
15:30By the time I get to the register, 87 items.
15:32All right here in the homestretch.
15:36You start walking through.
15:37You're like, oh, wow.
15:38Candles.
15:40Coffee mugs.
15:42Dog treats.
15:44Slippers.
15:45Wow.
15:46And then the line starts moving too fast.
15:48You're like, wait, I didn't get to see everything yet.
15:50Hold on.
15:50I just want to smell that candle.
15:57Excuse me.
15:57Sorry about that.
15:59Oh, God.
16:00No.
16:00Don't smell that.
16:01It's bad.
16:02Oh.
16:02Don't do it.
16:05I love TJ Maxx.
16:09The doors were locked.
16:10I couldn't get in.
16:11I tried.
16:12It's two o'clock.
16:31This is getting serious.
16:35A lot has changed since COVID.
16:38Globally on a world scale, things have changed.
16:40But even individually, in our own lives, we have all experienced change in some way.
16:46Like, I know people who have quit their careers, quit the gym, quit their marriage.
16:57A lot of divorces in 2020.
16:59People were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn't sign up for all this.
17:05Actually, you did, till death do us part.
17:08We had some changes happen for us as well.
17:22Like, right in the beginning of the quarantine lockdown, when everybody was losing work,
17:26my best friend and her son moved in with us.
17:29And then what happened was, is they're still there.
17:35Yeah, we had said we didn't want kids, and then we adopted a single mom.
17:41It's a blessing.
17:42They move in with us, and now we look like we have our own big love situation happening.
17:52Because from the outside looking in, it looks like we have a husband, two wives.
17:57Like, I imagine when they first moved in, my neighbors were like, oh, that's nice.
18:02Her sister's moving in for a little while.
18:04And now that they're still there, they're probably like, wait, that's her sister or her sister wife?
18:10And my friend that moved in, she's beautiful.
18:12Just a stunning human being.
18:15So people would message me and be like, aren't you a little concerned having a beautiful woman around your husband all the time?
18:21And I was like, no, not even a little bit.
18:24Like, if anything, she got me to step my game up.
18:27She did, because, like, when she moved in, I started doing that one thing, um, what do they call it?
18:34Try.
18:39I started trying.
18:43I started wearing clothes with zippers and buttons again.
18:49Hey, look at me go.
18:53I had to step my game up.
18:54Not because I was concerned about my husband.
18:57I just didn't want the neighbors to think that she was wife number one.
19:06Her son, Elijah, he was 10 years old when they first moved in.
19:10And he's used to being parented by one person.
19:13A single mom who's doing the best she can.
19:16So he knew how to work the system.
19:18Then they move in with us, and now he has three adults looking after him.
19:22He loves that part.
19:25And we all have a role in the house.
19:27Penelope is his mom.
19:28She tells him what to do and what not to do because she's the mom.
19:31But if he doesn't listen, that's when my husband, Tio Manuel, steps in.
19:36Tio Manuel is like the law of the house.
19:41Yes.
19:42And my role is I'm the snitch.
19:49Say I won't.
19:53I'm the one that's like, oh, are you supposed to be watching YouTube videos before school?
19:59Hmm, that's interesting.
20:01I love Elijah.
20:10I'm very close with Elijah.
20:12I'm his godmother.
20:13I'm Mina.
20:14So we have the auntie-nephew relationship.
20:17I've been in his life since day one.
20:19Literally the day he was born, I was in the hospital room.
20:23I saw his head come out and go right back in.
20:25He wasn't ready.
20:26It was a long day.
20:27I love Elijah.
20:35We're very close.
20:37He's my godson.
20:38But something happened.
20:40When they moved in, our dynamic shifted to be more like siblings who fight.
20:47And I realized we were both fighting for attention.
20:51He's used to having his mom's attention all to himself.
20:54Then they move in with us and I'm like, my best friend lives with me.
20:57We're going to hang out every day.
20:58This is going to be great.
20:59So now I'm the thing in his way.
21:03But he's also the thing in my way.
21:08He doesn't have siblings and he doesn't know how to share.
21:12I don't have kids.
21:13I don't know how to share.
21:17So now we just bump heads.
21:19Sometimes Elijah and I will have good conversations with each other.
21:22But other times I just see him in the hallway and check him.
21:34I snitch on Elijah, but he snitches on me too.
21:38Because we have security cameras around the house.
21:40And he didn't know this at the time, but they record audio.
21:42I got a notification on my phone that there was motion in the backyard.
21:50So I click on it.
21:51What's this?
21:52And it's him talking to his mom and he was complaining about me.
22:00I'll tell you guys what happened right before that.
22:02Give you a little bit of backstory.
22:03We were in the kitchen.
22:04He had just popped off at the mouth, was given an attitude.
22:08So I was like, okay, me too.
22:10Mm-hmm.
22:15So she took him in the backyard to word him up and be like,
22:19what are you doing?
22:19You can't be given an attitude.
22:20Like something like that.
22:21I missed the beginning of the conversation.
22:23By the time I click on it, all I hear is him telling his mom,
22:28oh yeah, well why does Nina gotta be sarcastic?
22:30And little does he know, my sarcasm is what paid for this house.
22:38So you're welcome.
22:46But now I have to chime in on my camera speaker.
22:50Oh yeah, I'm sarcastic.
23:02That hurt your feelings.
23:05Aw, well if Nina stops being sarcastic, you start being homeless.
23:09We had another big change happen for us.
23:29Because I was born and raised in California.
23:32I spent my whole life there.
23:34So never did I imagine that in the middle of a pandemic,
23:40that I would be moving to Nashville, Tennessee.
23:48Listen.
23:50That's very kind of you to cheer for that.
23:53Because I am well aware that people from Nashville
23:57do not like Californians moving here.
24:04Hey, hey, I get it.
24:08Me either.
24:09Let's cut it off after me.
24:13This is getting ridiculous.
24:17House prices are through the roof.
24:19Traffic is insane.
24:20This is not the Nashville I remember moving to.
24:23I'm learning a lot being a California girl living in the South
24:35because it's different here.
24:40I've learned when I go to a restaurant,
24:42if I order an iced tea,
24:44it automatically comes with three pounds of sugar in it.
24:46Y'all call that sweet tea.
24:53We call it diabetes.
25:03Learning a lot.
25:05Very simple things.
25:06Like, when I'm in Los Angeles,
25:07if I go to a store and they're like,
25:09can I help you find anything?
25:11I'm like, I'm okay.
25:12And if I'm feeling really friendly that day,
25:14I'm like, I'm okay, thanks.
25:15That's it.
25:18That's where it ends.
25:20Then I got to Nashville.
25:24I'm at TJ Maxx one day.
25:27I can hear the ladies in the row next to me.
25:31Can I help you find anything?
25:33I'm all right, but thank you so much for asking.
25:40It's my pleasure.
25:42It's a beautiful day outside.
25:44Yes, it is.
25:45But they say it's going to rain about three o'clock.
25:47Make sure you get home before the traffic.
25:49It's going to be a mess.
25:50Bless your heart.
26:03I was like,
26:04ooh, I don't know if I have energy for the South.
26:06I don't know how to do it.
26:11I'm like, who stops talking first?
26:15Then I look around the corner and neither one of them even work there.
26:18And then somebody told me this.
26:29They were like, hey, when people say bless your heart, they can mean it in a good way or a bad way.
26:37And I was like, what?
26:44Like, how do you do a bad bless?
26:48And they're like, no, trust me.
26:49Sometimes that's not what they mean.
26:51So now, any time somebody tells me, bless your heart, just to be safe, I reply with, bless your heart.
27:04Yeah, I wish you would bless my heart.
27:07Bless it again.
27:08Go ahead.
27:08It's kind of like the old fighting words at church.
27:22I'm going to pray for you.
27:28Oh, that's funny because I'm already praying for you.
27:32Yeah, you been on my prayer wall.
27:37About to lay hands on you too, say I won't.
27:54Learning a lot.
27:55When we first got to Nashville, we were trying to figure out what part of the city we wanted to live in.
28:04Like, where do we fit in?
28:06Where do we vibe with?
28:08Finding out this county has good schools, this county doesn't.
28:12This county believes in COVID, this county doesn't.
28:22Where do we fit?
28:23And I would tell my friends, I'd be like, hey, I want to live somewhere where I could get a lot of land.
28:29And they're like, okay, you want to head south.
28:31I'm like, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
28:33But I also don't want my neighbor to be racist, so how far south?
28:40You know what I mean.
28:44Like, are we talking Franklin or Pulaski?
28:46Like, how far?
28:47How far?
28:53Because when you get to the deep, deep south, it's scary.
29:02I've seen movies.
29:05I'm not trying to do that.
29:06I mean, if they have a TJ Maxx there, I will pray about it.
29:13And I'm a good neighbor.
29:14Like, State Farm, I'm there.
29:18I love my neighbors.
29:19I'm the one that has everybody's phone number.
29:21And if I haven't seen you in a while, I will send you a text.
29:24Are you good?
29:24Do I need to do a welfare check?
29:26I got your back.
29:27Because I love my neighbors.
29:29Every holiday season, I'm going to get my neighbors a gift.
29:32Not the whole neighborhood, just the houses I can see from a front window.
29:36Because I love my neighbors.
29:38As long as they love me.
29:41And I know that's not how the Bible verse goes.
29:45But that is my interpretation.
29:48This is not the new King James Version.
29:51This is a new Queen Angela Version.
29:53This is Angela 514.
30:00Do unto me as you want to get done.
30:07That's how you say amen in my Bible.
30:17You could come to my Bible study.
30:20It's on Tuesdays.
30:23Learning a lot.
30:26One thing I learned right out the gate is allergies are a whole different beast in the South.
30:34Because when I live in Los Angeles, we don't really get all the seasons.
30:39We get summer and fire.
30:40So Zyrtec works just fine there.
30:46Then I get here.
30:47Come to find out Zyrtec lost their subscription or something.
30:49It did not work.
30:51One day I went to pour the Zyrtec pill in my hand.
30:54And the wind just blew it off.
30:57It was like, don't bother.
30:58It's so fun waking up every morning playing COVID or allergies.
31:07You guys know that game?
31:08Where you wake up in the morning and your sinuses are doing a weird thing.
31:15And you're like, wait a minute.
31:16Hold on.
31:18Am I dying or did I have dairy?
31:21Can I taste anything?
31:22Get me some peanut butter.
31:23Can I taste?
31:24I was actually really lucky.
31:27For the first two years, I did not get COVID at all.
31:30And then earlier this year, she got me, little hoe.
31:37She gets around that one.
31:41At this point, I know more people who have had it than who have not had it.
31:45I know people who have had it with no symptoms whatsoever.
31:48And I know people personally who have passed away from it.
31:50So my heart goes out to anybody here who has lost somebody from COVID.
31:54I've been tested for it many times.
31:56And the first time I got tested, my friends tried to warn me about it.
32:00They were like, yo, it's intense.
32:02And it actually wasn't that bad.
32:04Probably because they let me do it myself.
32:08Yeah, they gave me the Q-tip.
32:10And they're like, okay, you want to go all the way in your sinuses.
32:13And I was like, okay.
32:17Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
32:21How about I just put it in my nostril and I wiggle it a lot?
32:24Can you test boogers?
32:27I'll give you some of those.
32:32The second time I got COVID tested, the nurse did it.
32:35And he went all the way up in there to where, like, my eyelids started closing.
32:39I was like, whoa, you're manually closing my eyelids.
32:47He's like, it's not that far up there.
32:50I was like, nah, bro, you're in my brain.
32:54Like, you're giving basic commands at this point.
32:56Like, if I punch you, it's not my fault.
32:59You did it.
33:03He's like, well, I'm sorry.
33:04I was like, no, no, no, don't apologize.
33:05Just while you're up there, do you mind scraping out some of my childhood trauma?
33:08That'd be great.
33:09Could you imagine if that was a real option?
33:22Get your childhood trauma scraped out with a COVID test.
33:26You'd catch me at the CVS pharmacy drive-thru like once a week.
33:29They're like, can we help you?
33:35Hi, I'm here for my COVID test.
33:38Also, when I was eight, my mom forgot me at the store.
33:49Another thing I've learned living in the South is the bugs are bigger.
33:55Y'all got some Nashville geographic stuff happening here.
33:59Like, in California, we have bugs, but our bugs are kiln.
34:08Then I get to Nashville.
34:09I went to get in my shower one morning.
34:11There was a spider in my shower.
34:14Now, this spider was so big, I thought I was interrupting him.
34:21I did.
34:21I went to open the shower curtain.
34:23I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
34:27I didn't know anybody was in here.
34:28My bad.
34:29He was big, and he was furry, too.
34:34Yeah, I didn't know if I should brush it or smush it.
34:36I didn't know.
34:38He was so furry, he had dander.
34:41I need my Zyrtec pill just for the spider dander.
34:46I was like, sir, the head and shoulders is right there.
34:48Help yourself.
34:49If I ever have to kill a spider that big, I am morally conflicted.
34:56Because at that point, that's a pet.
35:00Put a collar on that thing, that's Bubba.
35:04Bubba had plans that day.
35:06He was just getting started.
35:08He's in the shower.
35:11That's messed up.
35:14If you ever have to kill a spider that big, you could hear the crunch.
35:18And if you hear the crunch, you know that thing had a soul.
35:23That's messed up.
35:30I used to kill any spider or bug that was around me because I don't like bugs at all.
35:34But over the past couple of years, I have this newfound respect for nature and insects.
35:38So now, if I ever see a spider in my house, what I like to do is scoop it up in a container,
35:44take it outside, throw it in a bush, and then immediately go like this.
35:49Ooh, ooh, ooh.
35:55But if I'm left with no choice and I have to kill a spider, I now like to start with an apology.
36:06Listen, sir.
36:08I know you weren't expecting this today.
36:11I'll be honest, neither was I.
36:14Truth is, I don't know you.
36:16You could be poisonous and you could kill me.
36:19So at this point, it's either me or you.
36:23And I have chosen you.
36:34There was this one night, I was home alone, by myself.
36:38Because that's what home alone means.
36:45And I was watching the Night Stalker.
36:47Did you guys see that one?
36:48The documentary about the serial killer that was in Southern California, like back in the 80s.
36:54So I'm home alone, watching this show, super creepy, episode's done, I turn the TV off, and all of a sudden, I hear this on my front window.
37:03Tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh.
37:07I said, nope.
37:14I ran to my room.
37:16I put on every piece of clothing that I own.
37:18I said, if he's going to try to assault me, he's going to have to work real hard.
37:28I don't have no weapons in the house.
37:30What's my self-defense weapon?
37:31Denim.
37:32Three pair.
37:32After a while, nobody came in the house, but I kept hearing the noise.
37:44Tuh, tuh, tuh.
37:47Finally, I go to the window, I move the curtain, and I look outside.
37:50And it's not a psychopath trying to kill me.
37:53It was a mosquito.
37:56The size of a bald eagle.
38:01Or maybe it was a cicada.
38:05I don't know.
38:06I've never seen a cicada in my life, but everybody kept telling me, oh, it's cicada season.
38:11Maybe it was one of those.
38:13Maybe it was a mix of both.
38:14Maybe it was a muskada.
38:15I don't know.
38:16Some Nashville Geographic stuff happening.
38:24This was the kicker for me, though.
38:25There was one night, I was driving home, and I'm pulling into my driveway, and what do I see?
38:31A snake slithering across.
38:34That's where I draw the line right there.
38:36That's where I was like, all right, you know what, Nashville?
38:38Bless your heart.
38:39This is getting ridiculous.
38:48I'm not a big fan of wild snakes.
38:51Pet snakes, I'm okay with.
38:53Like, if there was a snake right here, and he came with a cosigner.
38:57Like, he came with a guy that was like, oh, yeah, that's my pet.
39:01He's cool.
39:02I like that snake.
39:03That's a good snake.
39:05Him?
39:05I don't know him.
39:06Him?
39:09He probably had that snake since he was a baby.
39:12He probably just ate a baby.
39:18Pet snakes, I'm okay with.
39:20Like, you know how sometimes you go to a real touristy area, and there'll be that one guy with, like, a hundred-pound snake around his neck, and he's just walking around.
39:30He's like, yeah, you want to take a picture with my snake?
39:32I'm like, I'll do it.
39:34He's like, all right, 20 bucks.
39:36Yeah, I don't need no picture.
39:39But the point is, I was down.
39:43I was going to do it if it was free.
39:46Because free is my love language.
39:53Learning a lot.
39:54Being a California girl, living in the South, I actually had my very first tornado warning experience.
40:07And like I said, I'm from California.
40:09We don't get tornadoes in California.
40:12We get earthquakes.
40:14Now, earthquakes are scary for people who have never experienced one.
40:18But actually, they're not that bad.
40:20To be honest, I will take an earthquake over a tornado any day.
40:25Like, let me tell you.
40:27Give me a 3.5.
40:29A solid 4.
40:31I will ride that quake.
40:33Like, yeah.
40:43But a tornado, though?
40:46I don't know anything about tornadoes.
40:49This is what happened.
40:50we were asleep it was 3 a.m i get one of those amber alerts on my phone the alert that goes
41:03off real loud and i was like okay first of all what child is getting kidnapped
41:06at 3 a.m that they need to wake me up to tell me about it what vip child is this
41:15that they think at 3 a.m i'm gonna run outside looking for honda civics
41:22a silver one it's always silver
41:28i check my phone whose kid is this and it says tornado warning take cover now
41:45in a basement oh my heart started beating so fast i said oh my god do we even have a basement i don't
41:50even know because i'm from california we don't do basements in california that's dangerous because
41:55there could be an earthquake i wake up my husband i was like babe babe we got an alert on the phone
42:02it says there's gonna be a tornado we gotta go in the basement do we have a basement
42:05now my husband is an army brat he grew up everywhere he spent a lot of time in kansas and he was like
42:12oh we used to get these all the time don't even worry about it just go back to sleep
42:18to sleep
42:24but they just woke me up
42:28i don't think that's what they want
42:32he was like what county is it in oh yeah that's like five miles away we're good we could watch it
42:38he went back to sleep wasn't even stressed at all i got up i said oh no this is an emergency
42:52we sleep with one of those sleep sound machines that plays like the rain sounds so we were already
43:00in the midst of a storm we had our own storm going on it was on surround sounds it was real loud
43:07there was stuff blowing up on the windows but i didn't even notice because i just thought it was
43:12a good episode that night i was like oh this one's realistic favorite
43:18i turned the sleep machine off and that is when we can hear the tornado sirens outside
43:29then my husband go go go get up go
43:38go get up go
43:41what
43:44but you said we could watch it
43:50we both start freaking out i'm grabbing things we don't even need like windex a stapler
43:59where do we go
44:04turns out we do have a basement
44:19guess where it is outside
44:25like we're in the wizard of oz
44:29we keep it locked for safety
44:33and we keep the key in the junk drawer in the kitchen
44:40you highly underestimate what you consider junk until you're in an emergency situation
44:48i don't know how you guys keep your junk drawers at home
44:54maybe you're highly organized
44:56i open up my drawer i gotta sift through a bunch of dead batteries
45:01expired coupons
45:04hella rubber bands
45:06we don't even use rubber bands
45:09but every time we get one we gotta save it
45:12why
45:13what is so sacred about a rubber band that we can't throw it away
45:18whether it came wrapped around the newspaper or asparagus
45:22it's in the drawer now
45:23and that asparagus rubber band that's a good one
45:29we better save this
45:33got about 86 keys in here
45:42we don't even have 86 locks
45:45finally find the basement key
45:48we go outside
45:50unlock the door
45:51get down into the basement
45:52and that is when we realize
45:54that we are fully
45:55unprepared for this situation
45:57we have no emergency necessities down there
46:00no water
46:01no food
46:02no batteries
46:03nothing
46:04just me
46:05my husband
46:06and hella spiders
46:07and they were all looking at me real suspect-like too
46:12like they recognize me
46:14that's her
46:26listen ma'am
46:36i know you weren't expecting this today
46:39but this is from my homie Bubba right here
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