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Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:01What's for dinner, honey?
00:08How?
00:11And, and how?
00:13Does, does he communicate?
00:24Oh my god, what is happening?
00:28This is insane.
00:30Look at that guy throw that banana peel.
00:37Skibbity.
00:38Is that a polar bear?
00:48Is that a polar bear?
01:00Is that a polar bear?
01:10Down the digestive road.
01:12Polyps are just bumps in the journey.
01:14Clogged with love, oh cruel porcelain seat, my heart is lost in plumbing sweet defeat.
01:24Muppet bachelor three, how do you show affection?
01:28I knit you a sweater from my own fur.
01:34Congressional session underway.
01:36We're engaged in the democratic process.
01:38A robust debate is expected today.
01:44Here we are at the annual cliff jumping festival.
02:00And here comes the next competitor.
02:02Welcome back to the channel.
02:03Today, we're making octopus juice.
02:06I'm loving it.
02:16Sister Margaret with a no-look pass to Sister Bernadette, she fakes left, spins right, and lays it in with divine grace.
02:28Feeling lonely?
02:30Dial 1-900-H-U-G-Z-4-U and get felt in all the right places.
02:36Oh my god, what is that thing?
02:38Traffic is backing up on the 405.
02:40Wait, what is that?
02:41Is that a giant dog?
02:42Oh my god, they're all crashing.
02:44Put your hands where the cheddar is.
02:52Grief is a lie you tell yourself.
02:54If you're not rising, you're rotting.
02:57You, dead guy. Pump yourself up.
03:00We ride for glory!
03:07I guess what I'm saying is, should we be eating surfers?
03:09Will they come to our house?
03:19Breaking! Inferno melt south pole climate anomaly of the millennium.
03:27What is this, a cloning convention?
03:31I have returned!
03:37For redemption.
03:39Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most incredible event of the season, the annual Squid Figure Skating Championship.
03:45Its unique bioluminescent protein profile is one of the most interesting on the planet.
03:51We weren't ready for that level of volume.
04:07Yeah, hardware is so much better now.
04:09Yeah, hardware is so much better now.
04:11It's still coming!
04:12Suction!
04:14No toms!
04:15Whoa!
04:20Oh my god!
04:22What the-
04:23Oh, no, he got hit with the pickaxe.
04:28Oh my god, that's brutal.
04:30Wall Street gone wild! Call now!
04:36Limited time offer!
04:39They call it sweet work, but it's bitter inside.
04:43What is happening?
04:56We are losing contact with ground control!
05:02We lost everything.
05:05When life sits you down, sit back with me and Cherry.
05:11Looking for someone seasoned and well-marinated?
05:15Call us now.
05:17Silver Fox Connections.
05:21Killer slides and more at Horrorland.
05:24I don't think I've ever seen something that disgusting.
05:38I can't believe this is a game.
05:40What in the world am I watching?
05:42I do not think.
05:55Kick.
05:57I do not understand.
06:09And he's still turning!
06:12Oh, my aching back.
06:13Here we are at the annual Global Summit, where leaders have agreed to meet in a bounce house.
06:39Here come the contenders!
06:41Get ready for some action!
06:43Oh, the humanity!
06:44He is filibusted!
06:45He is filibusted, I tell ya!
06:47Oh my god, is that who I think it is?
06:50Look at him, what a mess!
06:51Let's talk plaque control.
06:54Even for extraterrestrial organisms.
06:56Let's talk about extraterrestrial organisms.
06:57Let's talk about extraterrestrial organisms.
07:28No taxation without detonation.
07:36It was the bloodiest day in Magic Kingdom history.
07:47Here in the canopy, fitness is survival and status.
07:54Savage Strength, the Jungle Gym.
07:58The tension is palpable in the air.
08:18A battle of wills, a true test of patience.
08:30I'm boiling alive for your entertainment.
08:39I haven't seen my toes since 97.
08:46Think too much?
08:48N.O.T. anymore.
08:51Rot it, drop it, forget what you thought it.
08:54Now we're going to gently tuck the dough underneath our arms.
09:03Sister Catherine with the steel.
09:05She's a force of divine intervention.
09:07I just thought of a prompt of Will Smith eating spaghetti.
09:15And here we are.
09:19Yo, we the little crib killers running this nursery.
09:22Oh, a bum.
09:25We own you.
09:27Invading Greenland.
09:28Hmm?
09:29What's next, Easter Island?
09:31Yeah, yeah, we should.
09:32Make Easter Island about Easter again.
09:35Feel the trash.
09:37Become one with the landfill.
09:43Savage Strength, the Jungle Gym.
09:45Hey, kids.
09:54Today, we are going to learn about the Titanic.
10:05Grandpa just parallel parked into someone's soul.
10:09See, if the Earth was round and spinning,
10:11how would I land in the same spot?
10:13Round Earthers are insane.
10:19Oh, no.
10:21Not again.
10:23Now to let it rise spiritually.
10:26I'm using chakra-aligned compression here.
10:31Now, the rubber chicken throw.
10:34Let's go.
10:39In a shocking escalation,
10:41U.S. forces have landed on Easter Island,
10:44claiming strategic control over its ancient stone heads.
10:47Please like and subscribe to the channel for more nutrition.
10:51This AI just already mixed my whole album,
10:53and it slaps.
10:55Ah!
10:59Sage one.
11:05Need cash fast?
11:07Out of hope?
11:08Come on down to cash.
11:09They said I couldn't fly,
11:10so I took the block instead.
11:12So you're saying no.
11:14We're decentralizing the neighborhood watch.
11:15It's all on chain now.
11:17Some say they're visionaries.
11:18Others say...
11:19They just got banned from Lowe's.
11:22You've been found guilty of posting 73 iced coffee photos
11:24without a caption deeper than vibe check.
11:2690 seconds of silence,
11:27no reposts.
11:29Now when he checks back,
11:31you gotta bet the turn.
11:32Make him think you got the nuts.
11:34She left me for a D-A-O.
11:36I sold my soul for Solana.
11:39Now I'm bankrupt in pajamas.
11:42Why don't scientists trust atoms?
11:47Because they make up everything.
11:55Around here,
11:56the only thing that delivers fast is fear
11:58and them 3 a.m. chicken nuggets.
11:59But those ain't no regular nuggets.
12:01They...
12:02Watch you back.
12:04So this is the emergency rave pack
12:08for surviving nuclear winter.
12:10It comes with glow sticks.
12:11If I press this button hard enough,
12:16maybe life changes.
12:20Protect your glow from those...
12:22So I'm pretty sure my landlord is a vampire.
12:29They pave our roots.
12:30We raise the treetops.
12:32Concrete ain't culture.
12:34This one's for nature's front line.
12:37Why is my manager crying in the mop bucket again?
12:41Bro, this isn't a job.
12:43It's a social experiment.
12:45My aces never hold up.
12:47I've lost five buy-ins,
12:48my confidence,
12:49and possibly my girlfriend.
12:50Hadouken!
12:50Hadouken!
12:59Turns out, decentralization also applies
13:02to your actual savings account.
13:04Because sometimes the only one who really listens
13:08is the thing keeping your oat milk cold.
13:11She said she liked cowboys,
13:16not concussions.
13:23Call me a rookie again.
13:25I dare you.
13:26I didn't mean to melt the spoon.
13:28The spoon made me do it.
13:30Bro's got trauma.
13:31This is why you don't jailbreak appliances.
13:34They're ordering a hundred pizzas at the Pentagon.
13:40Don't get squishy on me now, Private Puff.
13:45Classified crust delivery.
13:46Something's cooking.
14:05If you ain't dodging rats to drop ass,
14:07then you ain't really in the culture.
14:09I trusted the tutorial.
14:13This used to be gang territory.
14:15Vegan dog bakery.
14:17We lost the block to gluten-free muffins.
14:19Welcome to Parkdale, bro.
14:23Last week,
14:24I got viciously undercharged for a turmeric latte.
14:28Yo, we got that uncut kale.
14:31Cold-pressed.
14:32No preservatives.
14:34Straight from the farmer's handshake.
14:36Absolutely.
14:37It's perfect beach weather.
14:39What brings you to the beach dressed like that?
14:42We're here for the sun.
14:43And I'm here for the story.
14:45Bro, it was so sick.
14:50I flopped top set and that stupid donkey called me all the way with runner-runner spades.
14:54I think I saw God in the baseline.
14:57Or maybe it was just Barry from Hackney.
15:00I'm a medic.
15:14I'm so excited to colonize cool with compassion, you guys.
15:28We ran out of oat milk, but someone gave me a crypto wristband, so now I own part of a tent.
15:33Today, I'm unboxing my abandonment issues, and guess what?
15:41They come in millennial pink.
15:43This collab is with my inner child.
15:50Bro, I can taste my childhood mistakes.
15:54So, what music are you into lately?
16:01Sage1music.com
16:02You live in Glendale.
16:13I'm in Culver City.
16:14We're just too far apart emotionally and in miles.
16:17They were a 97% match on the app.
16:20I don't pay rent.
16:21I Airbnb my closet and sleep in WeWork bathrooms, baby.
16:24Grind set.
16:25What the hell is a WeWork?
16:28One day, the AI started recommending books.
16:34Bro, I'm four layers deep.
16:36Is this the algorithm?
16:39Friends, have I got a deal for you today.
16:42It's revolutionary.
16:43It's groundbreaking.
16:44It's snow-tastic.
16:45You've never seen snowballs like these.
16:48Yo, back in the day, you had to dodge bullets.
16:51Now it's cycling lanes.
16:53There's three kinds of hummus on this block.
17:04Tired of being the world's alarm clock?
17:06These beauties let you sleep in.
17:11Finally.
17:14My last relationship ended over Pokemon.
17:18There were tears.
17:20Oh, there's 900 channels and still nothing.
17:24Even Cobras need core strength.
17:26These new mats are perfect.
17:35Sure you can.
17:36Started from the bottom.
17:44Now we're here.
17:46We don't D-U beige anymore.
17:49We do B-O-L-D.
17:56It's okay.
17:59Paper jams happen in life, too.
18:02They really yeeted the tea.
18:08No taxation without b-
18:09Your bars are wilting like that unwashed lettuce, son.
18:17Tell my wife the taco wasn't worth it.
18:20This ain't your uncle's rave, K.
18:36This ain't your uncle's rave, K.
18:37This one got sponsored by a climate collapse and expired Red Bull.
18:50Do you need water?
18:55I peaked in 83 during a shoe sale.
19:03You got good teeth.
19:05What kind of music do you like?
19:06Don't forget to subscribe.
19:09Sage1music.com
19:12And our next contestant is Mr. Stickman, who has waited his whole life for this moment.
19:26Breaking news.
19:27A precision military strike has successfully eliminated a lone camel in the Arabian desert.
19:32A victory hailed by defense.
19:34What is that thing?
19:37Everybody run!
19:42We thought we were on to something huge.
19:44A way to turn weapons of war into instruments of joy.
19:47But the children, they started using them.
19:50It was genius.
19:51Pure genius.
19:52Untapped market bringing joy.
19:54What a performance.
19:55He's really redefined the sport with that routine.
19:59The kids never clean up after the dog, and I'm always left holding the bag.
20:17Remember to smash that like button.
20:19Yo ho, it's a pirate's life for me.
20:23This is Hype and company, though.
20:26So, a test went a little wrong, and it caused a big boom.
20:53It released a lot of energy.
20:55Crap, I'm stuck in that VO3 simulation again.
21:04One of these hands is cake.
21:06You got it.
21:16That was my camel.
21:17They are putting H-hydrogen in our water supply, doesn't that bother anyone else?
21:22There are more than 118 elements.
21:24H-hydrogen is a spectrum.
21:25You got weeds, I got heat.
21:28Bro, it's a mermaid.
21:31WTF.
21:34I spent everything on AI slop.
21:42Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most underwhelming spectacle of combat this side
21:49of the Mississippi.
21:51We have another contestant for the last human job on earth.
21:54Please state your outdated skillset.
21:55I can still make a pivot table in Microsoft Excel.
22:01Respect your elders!
22:03They have grenades!
22:04This is just a creepypasta, right?
22:11Bro, don't.
22:13Get ready for the spit off!
22:17Better light it now, before they bring the flag in.
22:30You call that a marinade, Barry?
22:34Last year, Sister Bernadette broke two ribs and her vow of silence to claim that touchdown.
22:41The Lord is my linebacker.
22:44Welcome to my sacred cereal soak.
22:45Oat energy harmonizes your third bowl chakra.
22:50Snap.
22:51Crackle.
22:52Ohm.
22:53so like what are you into?
23:02Uh, nothing much.
23:08please state your outdated skill set
23:15yo we pimping your camel
23:18your camel just got p.i.m
23:38this is zits that's rash and that angry one's pimple they're warriors and
23:43they're here to avenge your childhood rage the turbo tunnel level was
23:48psychological warfare I think we're in a prompt right now none of this is real
23:52well that would explain your dating life you've tried being deep you've tried
24:01quoting Nietzsche
24:09wow that's exactly what I needed
24:14tonight we bring you a story of a global disease outbreak called d er 23 causing
24:19animals to develop comical dirt faces
24:22this is a once in a lifetime done to some its waste to him
24:28its treasure
24:38so this is dating now
24:39hmm
24:46so what are you supposed to be I'm a human generated in Google VO3
24:52he's glitching
24:54let's face it literally
24:58that's the killer
25:02who me wait how what
25:05his hand is drenched in blood and he's holding a knife
25:09relax find your peace damn it you don't quit on zen
25:13get ready for the hot sauce spray
25:20get ready for the hot sauce spray
25:24get ready for the hot sauce spray
25:27try for me
25:28gel
25:30she's
25:36come up
25:36let's head
25:37just
25:37AY
25:57I'm going to fire.
26:06Look at that wind.
26:08Careful!
26:11What a agitation!
26:14Two inches in a single day.
26:16Incredible.
26:17A new record.
26:22Remember to smash that like button.
26:25I max out my Roth, then floss on your pension.
26:36Three, two, one!
26:39Oh my god, what am I doing?
26:45Are you riding a cow?
26:48You betcha.
26:50This dude's been staring at the board for like five minutes.
26:55Wake me when someone throws a rook at someone's head.
26:59Let's jest one last time.
27:02Let the battle begin.
27:05No surrender for the motherland.
27:08Here we see the lesser bearded enchanter, hunting.
27:09The lesser bearded enchanter.
27:10Hunting.
27:11The lesser bearded enchanter.
27:12Hunting.
27:13The lesser bearded enchanter.
27:17ان...
27:18Here we see the lesser-bearded enchanter, hunting.
27:43And now to Jennifer with the screaming.
27:45Screaming!
27:52Can I have a few bites?
27:53No, no sharing.
28:00I'm glad my toilet's clean.
28:02What do you think?
28:03I like it.
28:04Toily Bowl, for a truly clean toilet.
28:09Oh, you're still here.
28:11Good.
28:12I do like an audience.
28:13Now go subscribe.
28:15It began like any other morning.
28:20A bowl.
28:21A box.
28:22A simple pour.
28:24But fate, as it often does, had other plans.
28:26And now, we turn to the final round of the 47th annual Invisible Dog Show.
28:54Handlers present their companions with impeccable form, showcasing discipline.
28:58I shall have the grand burger, the fried potatoes, and a chilled milk beverage.
29:02Will that be for here or to conquer?
29:04So tell me, armchair, what's it like being sat on all day?
29:15We've got movement near the pinata.
29:18You shouldn't have come!
29:19Good thing I'm not a goat.
29:31Sister!
29:32Sister!
29:35She ducks and weaves.
29:38Oh, a takedown.
29:39Fashionable and snackable.
29:48Handshake?
29:53Handshake.
29:55Complete.
29:55What is the most abundant liquid on earth?
30:07The Hindenburg was a giant airship, and it crashed when it caught fire.
30:27Remember to smash that like button.
30:29What galaxy are you from?
30:35Who are you wearing?
30:47Aren't we supposed to scream about something?
30:50Oh my God!
30:51Oh my God!
30:51Whoa!
30:52Whoa!
31:00Oops.
31:01It's okay.
31:01He likes you.
31:03.
31:03a massive shimmering golden pinata over 30 feet tall has appeared on the white house
31:17lawn reportedly gifted by a mexican cartel
31:20bongo
31:25that was the warp button
31:31are you tired of being unhappy then get your happy mask look happy even when you're dead inside
31:55dude the leap of faith isn't just about god it's about box jumps bro
32:00fear and trembling is a leg day metaphor bro clean up on aisle five
32:06this is grocery store gladiators remember to smash that like button
32:14you're gonna get this order right or else can you just calm down sir
32:17today we're talking about the bubonic plague
32:27cyber trucks for 199 down call now the future ain't gonna wait please just buy this hunk of junk
32:44before it's too late
32:50no
32:56baby legs here's your new regular leg partner hi there detective no hoed i don't need no regular
33:15leg partner baby legs don't talk back to me no it's her i think what are you talking about look
33:21at her it's clearly this one are you tired of real doors cluttering up your house
33:28and you open them and you're gonna actually go somewhere watch check this out won't open won't open
33:33again not this one none of them open
33:37what's your favorite coffee order uh blood type a b negative every morning
33:43i am 240 years old kid
33:46it's just so violent the way they eat us it's not right
33:51they grab us peel us and boil us or fry us
33:57so violent alien invasion tomato monster two brothers in a van
34:03mexican armada brothers who are just regular brothers running in a van from an asteroid and all
34:08sorts of things it's the movie what's your comfort food i eat wi-fi passwords and cry motor oil
34:15everyone has a flumbus in their home first they take the dingle bop and they smooth it out with a
34:22bunch of schleem look at you people trying to swim you look like you just fell off a boat
34:27ah you want a fighter i'm gonna teach you a lesson
34:35you are the worst no you are the worst
34:41i cannot stand both of you do you believe in time travel already did it hated it
34:49don't listen to past me he's a liar today we are introducing the new revolution in personal hygiene
34:58it's the new paper oh come on stop crying i can't see i'm sorry i'm sorry but i can't help it
35:07achoo the baby is approaching the border he's he's got a pacifier
35:13i think this is chicken or a towel i don't know i can't taste or see either way it needs paprika
35:23brilliant counterpoint
35:28i want to be the law
35:32i'm trapped in a box look i'm trapped in a box look i'm trapped in a box look i'm trapped in a box look
35:43i'm trapped in a box is your mouth tiny and small then why don't you come on down to little bits yeah
35:48where the food is tiny it looks like regular food but really tiny you put it in your mouth and
35:52burning villages was a coping mechanism today's contestants three moist blobs from saturn
36:04i said close the casket idiot
36:08someone pushed b3 but never collected
36:20do you believe in aliens no not at all
36:25i got all kinds of ice cream uh peanut butter and jelly vanilla chocolate and every flavor
36:37it kind of tastes like chocolate
36:40everyone has a plumbus in their home
36:47first they take the dingle bop and they smooth it out with a bunch of schleem
36:53and now i will take this pen
36:57then this stapler because i like it
37:01so i gotta ask about the size of your room room
37:06equals sum open parenthesis b2 colon b10 close parenthesis
37:12oh now you need me todd you're dead to me
37:21any last words
37:24for this interview
37:26or in general
37:27in general
37:28who sent fresh divorce in a tesla with leather seats and anxiety
37:34smell like you're doing okay even if you're not
37:38welcome my friends to another night of mirth and medieval madness
37:44what is going on here
37:54let's try again
37:56what's your biggest strength
38:03i can cry in morse code
38:09what in the world did you all just present to us
38:13it's uh raw
38:16yes everything is raw
38:18don't have a dad
38:19open one
38:20canned phrases like
38:22i'm proud of y'all champ
38:23let's check the tire pressure
38:24and ask your mom
38:26don't have a dad
38:27open one
38:28one bachelor
38:2936 versions of the same woman
38:32from different timelines
38:33can't believe you didn't get a jacuzzi
38:38that's nice
38:49here we observe the dominant landmass of the planet xylar
38:58a continent they call
38:59the pointy one
39:01observe the primitive inhabitants of planet terror
39:03they propel themselves in large and of metal containers
39:06skibbidi
39:07skibbidi
39:08skibbidi
39:09skibbidi
39:10skibbidi
39:11skibbidi
39:12quarterly reports
39:18they decide who lives
39:20want the thrill of an unboxing without the burden of owning things
39:25subscribe now and receive an empty box every Tuesday
39:29any advice for the youth
39:30don't trust the moon
39:32he's got secrets
39:34in a world where standing is overrated
39:42comes a competition like no other
39:45where posture
39:46surprise
39:47elegance
39:48are you ready for the most dramatic competition ever
39:51contestants will compete to sit with the most triple flair
39:55what do you think you're doing with your life you moron
39:57i tried everything but nothing shed pounds like slim and squirm
40:03why count calories when slim and squirm eats them for me
40:08the worm worked for me
40:10i lost 300 pounds with slim and squirm
40:15look at that grip technique on gerald the giraffe
40:19team red's climber is halfway up the neck already
40:22hey my sweet peas
40:25it's your girl marie
40:26today i'm giving all of france my brand new cake recipe
40:30why propose now
40:33she always said i'd never commit look at me now
40:39who will get the last kiss and the last will
40:42he breaks a tackle
40:54and he's in for the touchdown
40:56what a run
40:57looks like the dolphins are really out of their depth today
41:00remember to smash that like button
41:07glorious advances continue on the malabar front
41:11our brave soldiers crush east asian traitors
41:14who threaten freedom and unity
41:16welcome back to trashy to tasty
41:23contestants grab your garbage
41:25hey my loyal followers it's marie a bit of a dramatic day huh
41:50today we are making a very special sushi slushie
41:55this has no soul
42:00i feel nothing
42:20he's too punk to pop
42:27i may be gone but i'm always here for you champ
42:34we never run out of things to talk about
42:36headchat connection that never dies
42:39remember to smash that like button
42:49latent television
42:50hi what are you looking at lady
42:53you've never seen a handsome pimple before
42:55excuse me
42:56oh my god what is that
43:03nobody could prepare us for what we would find below the surface
43:11hi i'm johnny washington welcome to jackass the presidency
43:22let's see if chad has what it takes to leap off the 100 foot champion bridge
43:32sister agnes with a textbook belly bump
43:37sister bernadette counters with divine footwork
43:41high in sugar low in cholesterol
43:52nature's dessert
43:54happy little mushroom clouds
44:03comfort lift a and protection because safety comes first call now for the airbag bra one size inflates all
44:13and this one's headed for earth folks
44:26i found the trendiest little eating spot all my girlfriends rave about it these crunchy gold sticks and meat discs are my favorite
44:32this summer age is just a number and love is more than a hot flash
44:42it's a tradition some choose some just chip a tooth but we all have fun
44:46welcome to latent television the premiere network for ai brain rot
44:54like and subscribe today
44:57tired of that bare baby smooth chest introducing instant chest hair call now and get a second patch f re e be twice the man
45:14what the hell
45:18where are my pills
45:23where are my pills
45:27oh
45:29where are my pills
45:37oh
45:38oh
45:38oh
45:39oh
45:40oh
45:40oh
45:41oh
45:42oh

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