- avant-hier
Chris tombe éperdument amoureux d'Allison, une femme juive, et veut même l'épouser. Il demande à son ami de l'aider à devenir plus juif.
💛 Snapchat ➤ https://www.snapchat.com/p/1684933092515270
🔥 Plus de Films complets ICI ➤ https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8KEdedRKbyv08Mactrb_WCJ-kugWNcc7
Original Title : Finding Mrs Right
Genre : Film en Français Complet, Nouveauté, Comédie, Humour, Feel Good Movie
© 2025 - Tous Droits Réservés
#ComedieFR #FilmComplet
💛 Snapchat ➤ https://www.snapchat.com/p/1684933092515270
🔥 Plus de Films complets ICI ➤ https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8KEdedRKbyv08Mactrb_WCJ-kugWNcc7
Original Title : Finding Mrs Right
Genre : Film en Français Complet, Nouveauté, Comédie, Humour, Feel Good Movie
© 2025 - Tous Droits Réservés
#ComedieFR #FilmComplet
Catégorie
🎥
Court métrageTranscription
00:44:52Le bar mitzvah.
00:44:53Oi.
00:44:54This is our newest member.
00:44:55I was telling you about Avi.
00:44:56Hi.
00:44:57I'm Avi Rosenberg.
00:44:58Welcome to Beth Jacob, Avi.
00:44:59Thank you, Rabbi.
00:45:00Has Marcy warned you about our little club?
00:45:02Oh, no.
00:45:03Uh, club?
00:45:0418 years ago, a boy named Adam Lipschitz had a panic attack during his bar mitzvah,
00:45:09dropped his trousers, and exposed himself to the congregation.
00:45:14That's messed up.
00:45:15Oh, it is messed up, Avi.
00:45:16What's even more messed up is that to this day, Adam's lewd act has become the rite of
00:45:21passage for every boy who's had his bar mitzvah at our temple.
00:45:24In fact, there hasn't been a bar mitzvah boy since 1993 who hasn't shown his to the entire
00:45:31congregation.
00:45:32I've tried everything.
00:45:33They won't stop.
00:45:34I've seen the penises of 459 young boys.
00:45:38So unless you're really into schlongs, Avi, this ain't the temple for you.
00:45:42He gets excited.
00:45:45Avi, Shlomi and I are so embarrassed that on your very first Saturday morning service with
00:45:51you had to see.
00:45:53Genitals.
00:45:54And we sincerely hope that the fact that our temple has a club won't make you consider
00:45:59joining elsewhere.
00:46:00Not at all.
00:46:01Not at all.
00:46:02What was the name of the young man who started it all?
00:46:04Adam Lipschitz?
00:46:05Lipschitz.
00:46:06I hope I don't run into him, huh?
00:46:08Yes, don't we all.
00:46:09I've seen enough.
00:46:10What a freak.
00:46:11Excuse me, Rabbi.
00:46:12Would you like some fish?
00:46:13Oh, yes.
00:46:14Thank you, uh, Hymen.
00:46:21Thank you.
00:46:22Oi.
00:46:23Wow.
00:46:24I have to say our people have invented a lot of lousy food, but gefilte fish might be
00:46:29the worst.
00:46:31My advice is to get it over with as quickly as possible.
00:46:37Two bites.
00:46:38Wham.
00:46:39Bam.
00:46:40Done.
00:46:41Ah.
00:46:42Shlomi, honey, are you all right?
00:46:46Go away!
00:46:47Damn it, Shlomo.
00:46:48I am coming in now.
00:46:49No, you don't want to see this.
00:46:50It'll change you.
00:46:51It changed me.
00:46:52I'm shitting relatives.
00:46:53Oh, Marcy.
00:46:54I hate to do this to you, Cupcake, but I think I'm gonna have to bow out of the tournament.
00:46:58No.
00:46:59No, no, no, no, no, Shlomo.
00:47:00You are not doing any such thing.
00:47:01Now, this is the finals.
00:47:02If we have to take some sort of slop bucket, then so be it.
00:47:03I'm sorry, Lollipop.
00:47:04But we'll just have to wait another year to beat those damn fleisters.
00:47:06Darn it.
00:47:07What tournament?
00:47:08What tournament?
00:47:09What tournament?
00:47:10What tournament?
00:47:11I'm sorry.
00:47:12I'm sorry, Lollipop.
00:47:13But we'll just have to wait another year to beat those damn fleisters.
00:47:16Darn it.
00:47:17What tournament?
00:47:19What tournament?
00:47:20It is the NBLA Regionals.
00:47:23We are in the finals.
00:47:24It starts in three hours.
00:47:25Oh.
00:47:26But, well, I guess that I won't be going this year.
00:47:30I play bridge.
00:47:32Dear God, all I do is help you.
00:47:35I want to thank all of you for taking part in what is the world's greatest sporting event,
00:47:45Duplicate Bridge.
00:47:47Of course.
00:47:48Stand up.
00:47:49Feel the sun.
00:47:50You know your time has come.
00:47:53All or not.
00:47:54It's time to feel alive.
00:47:56Oh.
00:47:57Oh.
00:47:58Oh.
00:47:59Oh.
00:48:00Oh.
00:48:01Oh.
00:48:02There's a combination of the stars in the new costume.
00:48:05Give me a four of diamonds.
00:48:06Four of diamonds.
00:48:07Give me an eight of clubs.
00:48:08The eight of clubs.
00:48:09Give me an ace of spades.
00:48:11Eight of spades.
00:48:12And what does that spell?
00:48:13A雨.
00:48:14Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:48:44Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:49:14Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:49:44Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:49:46Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:49:48Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:49:50Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:49:52Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:49:54Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:49:56Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:49:58Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:00Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:02Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:04Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:06Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:08Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:10Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:12Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:14Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:16Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:18Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:20Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:22Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:24Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:26Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:36Il est très bon.
00:50:38Il est très bon.
00:50:40Il est très bon.
00:50:42Alors, nous avons eu un club de jazz,
00:50:44et il s'est dit que le Smoky Joe Jefferson
00:50:46est un schwarzer.
00:50:48Il est un, non ?
00:50:50Il est un psychologue.
00:50:52Il est bien sûr qu'il est stalking me ?
00:50:54Oh, non, non,
00:50:56il est un docteur.
00:50:58Il n'est pas comme il a le temps à stalk.
00:51:00Non, évidemment, c'est une sorte de
00:51:02de la même chose.
00:51:04C'est une sorte de coincidence
00:51:06que, vous savez, c'est...
00:51:08Now, wait a minute.
00:51:10Actually, I don't...
00:51:12I don't think that this is a coincidence
00:51:14at all.
00:51:16No, I think that this just might be fate
00:51:18trying to get you two together.
00:51:20Wow.
00:51:22I have never heard you like this.
00:51:24All right, Alison, darling, listen to me.
00:51:26You are 27 years old.
00:51:28And have I ever tried to set you up
00:51:30with anyone? No. And why is that ?
00:51:32I have never felt that anyone was good enough for you.
00:51:34Until now.
00:51:46What are you doing ?
00:51:47What ?
00:51:48I told you to let me get to the altar,
00:51:50look at me for 15 seconds,
00:51:52let the tension build,
00:51:53and then slowly pull my veil back.
00:51:55And where is the rabbi ?
00:51:57Can somebody get him off the shitter ?
00:51:58Okay, fine, whatever.
00:51:59Let's just keep going.
00:52:00No, we can't keep going.
00:52:01We have to keep doing it till we get it right.
00:52:03Adam, your timing was way off.
00:52:04I clocked you pulling back the veil after four seconds.
00:52:06Yeah.
00:52:07That's the least of our problems.
00:52:08You didn't even have tears in your eyes
00:52:09when you lifted up the veil.
00:52:10It's a rehearsal.
00:52:11Who cares if it's a rehearsal?
00:52:13Don't you love my daughter so much
00:52:14that you tear up every time you see her?
00:52:15I can't believe you're being so insensitive.
00:52:17Don't you know that she is still recovering from her surgery?
00:52:21Oh, by the way, Hannah has your new vag.
00:52:24Jill, stop talking about Hannah's vagina.
00:52:26Less ugly?
00:52:27Dennis!
00:52:28Dad.
00:52:29What?
00:52:30Pokey-poo, the Daniels are right.
00:52:31You really need to take this a little bit more seriously
00:52:33because we only have three more rehearsals left till the wedding.
00:52:36Megan, sweetie, your pedal throngs got a little bit sloppy and unfocused.
00:52:40Remember, it's three pedals per step.
00:52:43Screw it up again and you're both out.
00:52:45Okay, so let's take it from the poems.
00:52:49What? The poems?
00:52:51Yes.
00:52:52Oh, honey, you want to do that now?
00:52:53I thought that was going to be a surprise for the wedding day.
00:52:56It's going to be a surprise for the guests,
00:52:57but I need to see how you perform it so I can give you notes.
00:53:01Okay.
00:53:04Hannah.
00:53:05Yes?
00:53:06The day I met you, it was like a dream,
00:53:08even more thrilling than my father's new embroidery machine.
00:53:11Fine.
00:53:12Fine.
00:53:13My feelings towards you are so extreme that sometimes when I'm with you,
00:53:16I just...
00:53:17I just want to...
00:53:20Scream.
00:53:21What grade is he in?
00:53:22The thought of being without you words can't explain.
00:53:25If you only knew what was going on inside my brain...
00:53:32Brain. Brain.
00:53:33Brain.
00:53:34I can't believe I'm about to spend the rest of my years with you.
00:53:38Dad.
00:53:39And in just a few minutes...
00:53:42I'm going to say the words...
00:53:45I...
00:53:46I...
00:53:48I...
00:53:49I...
00:53:50I'm going to say the words...
00:53:54I...
00:53:55What are you doing?
00:53:57I'm not ready to be a man.
00:54:00What?
00:54:01Again?
00:54:02I'm not ready to be a man.
00:54:03Finally he says something true.
00:54:05What?
00:54:06I'm not ready to be a man!
00:54:08What are you doing?
00:54:10I'm not ready to be a man!
00:54:11I'm not ready to be a man!
00:54:13Adam!
00:54:14Adam!
00:54:15This is why I wanted to rehearse!
00:54:17What the fuck?
00:54:18C'est ça !
00:54:19Vous êtes en train de voir, non ?
00:54:20Non, parce que...
00:54:22Sex, vous savez, a fait de compliquer les choses
00:54:25et je veux savoir vous.
00:54:27Je veux savoir le vrai vous.
00:54:29Je ne peux pas dire que vous êtes dit.
00:54:30Je n'ai jamais vu un gars qui voulait attendre.
00:54:32Donc, je sais votre commercial.
00:54:35Je suis venu à la palace et nous avons hâte d'avoir depuis.
00:54:37Il n'a jamais dit un mot à nous.
00:54:39Il ne peut pas dire que nous n'a pas dit.
00:54:41J'ai entendu parler de lui en tout le week.
00:54:43Non, je ne suis pas appelé à lui, aussi.
00:54:45Il n'a pas été envoyé à mes calls.
00:54:46What if he was murdered by the homeless meth-heads ?
00:54:49What if he was blown by a vampire ?
00:54:51Did he say anything about Hannah, about the wedding ?
00:54:53No, nothing.
00:54:54Daddy !
00:54:55You know what ?
00:54:56He probably just got cold feet.
00:54:58I disappeared for six months before my wedding.
00:55:00Right, honey ?
00:55:01Uh, that was me.
00:55:02That's right.
00:55:03How are you a doctor ?
00:55:05Oh, God !
00:55:06He's gone forever and I'm never gonna have a baby !
00:55:11Oh, God !
00:55:14I didn't even have a grandchild !
00:55:17I can't !
00:55:19No !
00:55:20God damn it !
00:55:22Do something, Bruce !
00:55:24Oh, no !
00:55:26Oh, no !
00:55:27Oh, no !
00:55:28Oh, no !
00:55:29Oh, no !
00:55:30Oh, no !
00:55:31Oh, no !
00:55:32Oh, no !
00:55:33Oh, no !
00:55:34Oh, no !
00:55:35Oh, no !
00:55:36Oh, no !
00:55:37Oh, no !
00:55:38Oh, no !
00:55:39Oh, no !
00:55:40Oh, no !
00:55:41Oh, no !
00:55:42Oh, no !
00:55:43Oh, no !
00:55:44Oh, no !
00:55:45Oh, no !
00:55:46Oh, no !
00:55:49Now, the doctors at the hospital referred you to Serenity Hills
00:55:52because they felt that Adam required a more intense, hands-on environment for his condition.
00:55:58His condition ?
00:55:59Oh, Adam is suffering from a severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder.
00:56:04Oh, what the ?
00:56:05I didn't do it.
00:56:06I just don't understand what could have caused all this.
00:56:09Not again.
00:56:10And your fault.
00:56:11Honey, you can still change your mind.
00:56:17What the ?
00:56:18Seems fine to me.
00:56:21Get him !
00:56:22Okay !
00:56:23Ron, get him !
00:56:24Get back here !
00:56:25In a case like Adam's, who has a long history of panic attacks,
00:56:29it's not uncommon that he would reach what we refer to as the ha, or the hyper-aroused state.
00:56:39What we are watching are nuts.
00:56:41Numbness.
00:56:42Numbing.
00:56:43Sorry, sorry.
00:56:44Now, over the next 21 days.
00:56:4621 days ?
00:56:47No, no, no.
00:56:48That is July 2nd.
00:56:49July 2nd is my wedding.
00:56:50Well, you gotta get a matter quicker than that.
00:56:51I got 200 grand in deposits.
00:56:53Do you have, like, an express service ?
00:56:54Express service ?
00:56:55This is our only son you're talking about !
00:56:57Whoa !
00:56:58We're not putting him in some express service !
00:56:59Whoa !
00:57:00Whoa !
00:57:01Just relax.
00:57:02Breathe.
00:57:03We need 21 days, and if you cannot give us that, then get him out of here !
00:57:08No !
00:57:09We can go swimming, I don't know !
00:57:11It's gonna be okay.
00:57:12Look, he looks better on the ladder.
00:57:14Is it just me, or does that dolphin look like him ?
00:57:17No !
00:57:18You can't bring him down with me !
00:57:20Ever !
00:57:21Give him time !
00:57:22Here's a nightmare !
00:57:23You, Adam !
00:57:25You !
00:57:26Johnny Williams, come on down !
00:57:31Oh, gosh.
00:57:32They've seen this since I was a kid.
00:57:34Wow.
00:57:36It's amazing they can still find humans who will actually appear in this show.
00:57:41I'm Salah Khan.
00:57:43I've been assigned to be your primary counsellor.
00:57:46Look, if you don't wanna talk, it's no problem.
00:57:51You don't have to talk.
00:57:53You know, these things take time.
00:57:55And I've got all the time you need.
00:58:00All right.
00:58:01Are you ready for some Paco ?
00:58:02Okay, let's do it.
00:58:03Is that fuck out ?
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:05And give it a drop.
00:58:07Okay, all right.
00:58:09There it goes.
00:58:10It takes a little tea time.
00:58:11Why is it that only fat people make it into the showdown ?
00:58:14Fine.
00:58:15You know, you wanna sit there like a vegetable all day, pretend like you don't hear me, then go right ahead.
00:58:24All right.
00:58:25But my job is to make you well again by having you face the traumatic events that have forced you into this state.
00:58:31So, unless you're willing to turn off the TV and do that, then I would save the $2,500 a day you're spending here and go check yourself into a hotel.
00:58:42All right, suit yourself.
00:58:43You stare all you like, little man.
00:58:46What did you just say ?
00:58:52So, anyway, the mohel slips.
00:58:57A piece falls off.
00:58:59Hits me in the punim.
00:59:00I've been cockeyed ever since.
00:59:04So, Ami, Allison tells me you're from Skokie.
00:59:07Yeah, yeah.
00:59:08You know, uh, Al and I grew up in Glenview.
00:59:11Sorry, excuse me.
00:59:13Oh, really?
00:59:14Yeah, we were practically neighbors.
00:59:16Your family still there?
00:59:17Nope.
00:59:18Where'd they move to?
00:59:19They moved.
00:59:21To heaven.
00:59:23Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:59:26When did they pass?
00:59:28They, um, they passed a few years back.
00:59:31I can't believe you never told me that.
00:59:33Well, it's hard to talk about. It's very raw.
00:59:36Why? What happened?
00:59:37Hunting accident.
00:59:38Oi.
00:59:39Hunting accident?
00:59:40Uh, they got shot by hunters.
00:59:42What were your parents doing wandering around where people were hunting?
00:59:45They weren't. They were, um, the hunters were hunting in our backyard.
00:59:49What were the hunters doing in your backyard?
00:59:51They had gotten lost and, uh, were off track.
00:59:54And, uh, my parents were wearing their brown onesies.
00:59:57And, uh, the, um, the hunters mistook them for elk.
01:00:01Elk?
01:00:02What happened to the hunters? Were they arrested?
01:00:04No. They are still at large.
01:00:06You know what, Avi?
01:00:07The police chief in Skokie's an old friend of mine.
01:00:09I'm calling him tomorrow.
01:00:11We'll see if we can't help move things along.
01:00:14Huh.
01:00:15Forgive me, but weren't you on the phone with your...
01:00:17Can we talk about something else?
01:00:18Of course.
01:00:19I was watching TV last night.
01:00:21Um, Ten Commandments.
01:00:23Charlton Heston. What an actor.
01:00:25Not Jewish, you know.
01:00:27Who isn't?
01:00:28So I'm, I'm up there and we're rehearsing these, these poems that we had written for each other.
01:00:37And, and right at the part where I'm about to say I do, I just, I just cracked.
01:00:44Good, Adam.
01:00:46Do you remember how you were feeling in that very moment?
01:00:49No.
01:00:50I mean, I, I just...
01:00:52For a split second, I, I, I saw my entire life with Hannah flash before my eyes.
01:00:58And why did that scare you?
01:01:00Probably because I, I don't think she's right for me.
01:01:05So then why are you marrying her?
01:01:07I don't know.
01:01:08You're avoiding the question, Adam.
01:01:11I think you do know.
01:01:13Now, what I want you to do is try to pinpoint the exact moment in your life where this pressure you're feeling originated.
01:01:21I was 12 years old.
01:01:29Stop staring at her, Adam. That is rude.
01:01:33You're cute. You stare all you like little man.
01:01:37You are not, and you will never be, her little man.
01:01:41Why can't I be her little man?
01:01:42Because she's not Jewish.
01:01:43So I can't be with a girl who's not Jewish?
01:01:45That's right.
01:01:46Why?
01:01:47Because it's your responsibility to perpetuate our religion.
01:01:48Why?
01:01:49Because six million of our ancestors died and we owe it to them.
01:01:51Why?
01:01:52Because they're dead.
01:01:53So what does that have to do with me?
01:01:54Because you're Jewish.
01:01:55The fate of our entire religion depends on you.
01:01:58You.
01:01:59You.
01:02:00You.
01:02:01You.
01:02:02You.
01:02:03You.
01:02:04You.
01:02:05You.
01:02:06You.
01:02:07You.
01:02:08You.
01:02:09You.
01:02:10You.
01:02:11You.
01:02:12You.
01:02:13You.
01:02:14You.
01:02:15You.
01:02:16You.
01:02:17You.
01:02:18You.
01:02:19You.
01:02:20You.
01:02:21You.
01:02:22You.
01:02:23You.
01:02:24You.
01:02:25You.
01:02:26You.
01:02:27You.
01:02:28Eh, boss, qu'est-ce que je te creçais?
01:02:33Oui, ici.
01:02:34Ah, merci.
01:02:35Tu as soffes hands.
01:02:37Eh, boss, tu m'as dit à un moment où...
01:02:39Don't say a word.
01:02:43Hey, beautiful, how are you doing?
01:02:45Just working. What are you doing?
01:02:46Oh, nothing, you know, just here at the hospital,
01:02:48checking in on patients, patients, patients.
01:02:51What's up, baby?
01:02:52Well, I just spoke to my dad,
01:02:53and he talked to the chief of police in Skokie,
01:02:56and there's no record of any Rosenbergs
01:02:58being shot and killed by hunters.
01:03:00Really?
01:03:00Yeah, in fact, there hasn't been
01:03:02a hunting-related death in Skokie ever.
01:03:05So I went online to research it,
01:03:07and I couldn't find anything.
01:03:08Allison, I didn't want to have to tell you this,
01:03:11but my parents were in the witness protection program,
01:03:15and when they were murdered,
01:03:17the FBI destroyed their records.
01:03:19Hey, boss, you're crazy.
01:03:21What were they doing in the witness protection program?
01:03:24Jimmy Hoffa?
01:03:24What about Jimmy Hoffa?
01:03:26Look, I've said too much already.
01:03:27Do you understand?
01:03:28Avi, I just feel like you're hiding things from me.
01:03:30I mean, we've been going out for a month,
01:03:31and you never tell me that your parents
01:03:33were murdered by elk hunters,
01:03:35and now they're in the witness protection program,
01:03:37and on top of all that,
01:03:38I'm just starting to wonder if you might be gay.
01:03:40What? Gay?
01:03:42Gay.
01:03:42Whoa, whoa.
01:03:43Why would you think I'm gay?
01:03:45Because what guy goes out with a girl
01:03:46for a whole month and doesn't want to sleep with her?
01:03:48I do. I want to sleep with you.
01:03:50I just want to be special.
01:03:52Ew, that is exactly what my Aunt Judy's husband
01:03:55told her right before they got married,
01:03:57and 20 years and two kids later,
01:03:59she walks in on him tied up
01:04:00with a rubber ball gag in his mouth
01:04:02being f***ed by a ch***
01:04:03who was dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.
01:04:06Okay, and I am not going to turn out like my Aunt Judy.
01:04:11Okay, okay, okay, listen,
01:04:12we will sleep together.
01:04:13I won't. Let's do this, baby.
01:04:15Really? Do you mean that?
01:04:16Oh, yeah.
01:04:17When?
01:04:17When are we going to have sex?
01:04:19Right after I get back
01:04:21from the medical conference in Dallas.
01:04:23What medical conference in Dallas?
01:04:25Remember I told you about that
01:04:26a couple of weeks ago?
01:04:28When are you leaving?
01:04:29Like in two hours.
01:04:32You know, when you inhale,
01:04:34maybe you and Ted Bundy
01:04:35can be roommates, cabrón.
01:04:36You know, Ruth,
01:04:45I'm looking at a bill here
01:04:46for $42,765.
01:04:50And considering we said
01:04:52we'd split all the wedding expenses,
01:04:54we need to go half-seas.
01:04:55How's your son going crazy
01:04:57at wedding expense?
01:04:58Well, it happened during
01:04:59a wedding rehearsal,
01:05:00so I think a case could be made
01:05:01in a court of law.
01:05:03This is a wedding expense.
01:05:04Nice try.
01:05:05Nice try.
01:05:05He's got a well-documented
01:05:07pre-existing condition.
01:05:08There's no way in hell
01:05:08we're paying for it.
01:05:09His condition was never that bad
01:05:11until he met Hannah.
01:05:13Hey, are you implying
01:05:14that my daughter had something
01:05:15to do with Adam's freakout?
01:05:17Oh, she's not implying.
01:05:18She's saying.
01:05:19I had nothing to do with this.
01:05:21Oh, right.
01:05:21You're not insane.
01:05:22Everyone, please.
01:05:24We have worked very hard
01:05:25to get Adam to the point
01:05:26he is at in his therapy.
01:05:28And he has had
01:05:28a very tough time.
01:05:30But these last few days,
01:05:31he has truly managed
01:05:33to come from behind.
01:05:35Oh, God.
01:05:36Oh, God.
01:05:37Oh, God.
01:05:38Oh, God.
01:05:38Oh, God.
01:05:39Oh, God.
01:05:39Oh, God.
01:05:40Oh, God.
01:05:40Oh, God.
01:05:40Oh, God.
01:05:41Oh, God.
01:05:41Oh, God.
01:05:41Oh, God.
01:05:42Oh, God.
01:05:42Get off of my head.
01:05:43Oh, God.
01:05:43What are you doing?
01:05:45He never tried that with me.
01:05:47Hands up.
01:05:47Oh, man.
01:05:48What is everybody doing here
01:05:50at the same time?
01:05:52Oh, God.
01:05:53Oh, God.
01:05:54So let me get this straight.
01:05:56You no longer want to get married
01:05:58to me because you're in love
01:06:00with your Mongolian doctor?
01:06:01I know this must be a shock
01:06:03for everyone.
01:06:04But when Adam finally opened up to me,
01:06:07I don't know.
01:06:08We just clicked.
01:06:09What do you mean you just clicked?
01:06:11Arlene, we are not going to get anywhere
01:06:14by attacking each other.
01:06:15Sala, please continue.
01:06:18By the way, you're fired.
01:06:20Well, I'm a Buddhist.
01:06:23And, you know, both of our religions
01:06:24were born out of struggle.
01:06:26So we both place emphasis
01:06:28on family, education, and hard work.
01:06:32And the intense pressure that Adam feels
01:06:34to marry within his people
01:06:36is the same pressure I feel
01:06:37to marry a Mongolian.
01:06:39So it's no wonder why we're able to connect.
01:06:42For 43 grand, you could have connected
01:06:44with every chick in Mongolia!
01:06:47Okay, Sala.
01:06:50Hypothetically speaking,
01:06:51if you two were to stay together
01:06:54and get married,
01:06:57how would you raise your children?
01:06:59Mom, do we have to get into this right now?
01:07:01Isn't that what this is for?
01:07:02Okay, well, the truth is...
01:07:03The truth is...
01:07:05The truth is?
01:07:05The truth is...
01:07:06What's the truth, Adam?
01:07:07The truth is I don't know
01:07:08if I want to raise my kids Jewish!
01:07:13Oh, shit.
01:07:14Jesus, who are you?
01:07:18Was I not a good mother to you?
01:07:21When you were in kindergarten
01:07:23and you wanted the little trampoline
01:07:25that could poke your eye out,
01:07:26who got you the trampoline
01:07:27that could poke your eye out?
01:07:29I did.
01:07:30And when you were in fifth grade
01:07:32and you wanted to take karate lessons
01:07:34in Chinatown,
01:07:35who drove you there three nights a week
01:07:37and sat in the parking lot
01:07:39all alone in the dark?
01:07:42I did.
01:07:44And do you know why?
01:07:45Because you're my son
01:07:48and I love you.
01:07:53And how do you show your love for me?
01:07:56Well, you have
01:07:57style sex with your
01:07:59Mongolian therapist
01:08:00on your wedding day!
01:08:02And then you say to me,
01:08:04hey, Mom,
01:08:06I'm not sure
01:08:07if I want to raise my kids
01:08:09Jewish!
01:08:09It's Jewish!
01:08:11Oh, Adam,
01:08:12that's fine!
01:08:13That's fine!
01:08:13Just, just eat the knife!
01:08:15Just eat the knife
01:08:16and kill me, Adam!
01:08:17Just eat it right now!
01:08:18Mom, stop it!
01:08:23Oh, okay, Adam,
01:08:25so you're saying
01:08:26that our entire time together
01:08:28meant nothing to you?
01:08:29We never hit you!
01:08:30We never fondled you!
01:08:31I got liberty!
01:08:32Can you for you?
01:08:34Honey, honey,
01:08:35I think we dodged a bullet.
01:08:37Yeah, she seems nice.
01:08:38I mean,
01:08:39you better get a good lawyer,
01:08:40freak boy,
01:08:40because I'm suing your ass off.
01:08:42Okay, this,
01:08:44this,
01:08:45right here!
01:08:46You want to know
01:08:47why I went nuts?
01:08:49It's because all of you
01:08:50are nuts!
01:08:52And I'm sorry
01:08:53that I can't marry you,
01:08:54but it's better
01:08:55that we end this right now
01:08:56rather than,
01:08:57than, than dragging this on
01:08:58for a,
01:08:59for a long fucking time.
01:09:01And, Mom,
01:09:01I'm sorry that you had
01:09:02to do things
01:09:03that you didn't want to do,
01:09:05but you know what?
01:09:06So did I.
01:09:06I joined the family business
01:09:08and became
01:09:08the embroidery prince!
01:09:11Well, how happy
01:09:12can a man be?
01:09:13And to top it off,
01:09:14I've never dated a woman
01:09:15who wasn't Jewish
01:09:16my entire life.
01:09:17Well, you know what?
01:09:18I'm not doing things
01:09:19for you guys anymore, huh?
01:09:21I'm doing things for me,
01:09:22because I love Salah.
01:09:24Salah.
01:09:24Salah.
01:09:25And she's Mongolian.
01:09:28And that's pretty cool.
01:09:29I love you, too.
01:09:33Oh, God.
01:09:35Are you going to be paying
01:09:36by cash or check?
01:09:40With this technique,
01:09:41the thematic skin
01:09:42is allowed to stay intact.
01:09:44And finally,
01:09:45the neocrossing crush.
01:09:47By using the terra clamp,
01:09:49the skin is crushed
01:09:50for around ten days
01:09:51until it suffocates
01:09:53and dies.
01:09:54With this technique,
01:09:56the skin bonds...
01:09:56I mean, you've got to love
01:09:58the dorsal slit, right?
01:10:00Because the phomotic skin
01:10:00stays intact.
01:10:01But on the other hand,
01:10:02with the sleeve resection,
01:10:03I've got the widest variety
01:10:04of scarring options.
01:10:06What do you think?
01:10:08Honestly, I'm kind of partial
01:10:09to the temporary crush.
01:10:10You know, you get all the benefits
01:10:12of the sleeve resection,
01:10:13but you get that pump action
01:10:14of the agamgo device there.
01:10:16Yeah, yeah.
01:10:16Plus, it reduces your shmegma
01:10:18by, like, 75%.
01:10:20It does?
01:10:20Yeah.
01:10:21Done. Sold.
01:10:23Going with the temporary crush, boy.
01:10:25Knock, knock.
01:10:26Snip, snip time, Mr. O'Connell.
01:10:29Oh.
01:10:31Here we go.
01:10:32Is this your life partner?
01:10:34Who?
01:10:34No.
01:10:35No, no, no, no, no.
01:10:35No life partnering here.
01:10:37No, that would be weird.
01:10:38Not that that's weird at all,
01:10:40but just, you know.
01:10:40Okay, Mr. O'Connell.
01:10:42So, may go on to turn
01:10:43this little nabby here on,
01:10:44and you're going to just
01:10:45slowly drift away.
01:10:47May want you to breathe,
01:10:49relax, enjoy it.
01:10:53Breathe in, breathe in.
01:10:54I'm scared.
01:10:56Yeah, I have nothing
01:10:57to be afraid of, boy.
01:10:58Nurse Boo is going to sing
01:10:59you a little ditty
01:11:00and make you feel
01:11:01all better.
01:11:02Oh.
01:11:02When I was only eight days old,
01:11:05hurrah, hurrah,
01:11:06a billy, billy, billy, bum.
01:11:08When I was only eight days old,
01:11:10hurrah, hurrah,
01:11:12a billy, billy, billy.
01:11:13The boy that came with
01:11:14his big knife,
01:11:15I thought he was going to
01:11:16take my life,
01:11:17but he only took a
01:11:19little bit off the top,
01:11:21a little bit off the top,
01:11:23top, top,
01:11:23a little bit off the top,
01:11:25top.
01:11:26Top.
01:11:28Well,
01:11:29okay, okay.
01:11:30Okay.
01:11:31She was taking a little off the top.
01:11:32Easy there,
01:11:33Mr. O'Connor.
01:11:35Next time,
01:11:37don't trust your circumcision
01:11:38to an HMO.
01:11:42I think she's nice.
01:11:48I just,
01:11:48I can't believe
01:11:49that you're doing
01:11:50all of this
01:11:51just so you don't have
01:11:52to make any more decisions.
01:11:53Oh, Adam, you don't get it.
01:11:56All those things that you say drive you crazy, I love.
01:11:59I love that your parents smother you.
01:12:01I love that if they hear about a tornado in Kansas,
01:12:05they call you, even though you live in Los Angeles.
01:12:09Yeah, we're very nervous people.
01:12:10And I love the fact that you email each other your itineraries
01:12:13because you never know, you know?
01:12:17No.
01:12:19You never know.
01:12:20Never know.
01:12:21And for the past 5,000 years,
01:12:23every civilization, every culture has tried to have you guys annihilated.
01:12:27Yeah, we are not liked.
01:12:28I like you.
01:12:29We like you.
01:12:30You're getting the...
01:12:31It's going to all make sense now.
01:12:33Muhammad al-Sheikh al-Sheen al-Sheikh is up here.
01:12:37Now, he's going to come up here,
01:12:38and then we got Muhammad al-Sheikh.
01:12:40Muhammad Ali?
01:12:41No.
01:12:42Stop that.
01:12:45McConnell here, speak up!
01:12:47Hi, Daddy, it's your son Christian.
01:12:48What you doing?
01:12:49I'm in Tahiti having myself a Mai Tai.
01:12:51What the hell do you think I'm doing?
01:12:54Fighting terrorists?
01:12:55Spreading democracy?
01:12:56Dad, guess what I'm doing?
01:12:58Oh, I'm here with Adam Lipschitz.
01:12:59You remember him?
01:13:00Adam Lipschitz?
01:13:01Didn't I order you to stay away from that boy?
01:13:03No, Daddy, we're life partners.
01:13:05Sir, that's inaccurate, sir!
01:13:07Life partners?
01:13:08Now, what the hell is life partners?
01:13:10He's a homo, Dad.
01:13:11What?
01:13:11I call her to what?
01:13:12A homo!
01:13:14Yeah, we're here at the hospital, you know,
01:13:15because he's with me,
01:13:16so I can get circumcised, sir!
01:13:19What?
01:13:19Not for me, though!
01:13:20Circumcised!
01:13:22Circumcised?
01:13:23Yeah, so I can be a Jew, Daddy.
01:13:24You can be a Jew?
01:13:26Daddy, I want to tell you something, too,
01:13:27because I don't think I've ever told you this before.
01:13:29We never say this, but I love you, Daddy.
01:13:32I love you!
01:13:35Hi!
01:13:36Ah!
01:13:36Sorry.
01:13:37You know, I'm glad we're hanging out again,
01:13:39but I kind of feel like something's missing.
01:13:42A little bit off the top.
01:13:44Top it up.
01:13:51Allison?
01:13:55Want to have sex?
01:13:58Not really.
01:14:03Clear right!
01:14:04Clear right!
01:14:04Didn't I order you to keep your son away from my son?
01:14:09Excuse me.
01:14:10Don't you play dumb with me, s*** lips?
01:14:14Buck O'Connell?
01:14:16Oh, jeez!
01:14:17Your Adam has turned my Christian into some gay Jew!
01:14:23Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:14:24Buck, slow down!
01:14:25What are you talking about?
01:14:26They're live partners!
01:14:30Live partners?
01:14:32Wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:14:33What makes you think this?
01:14:35He called and told me while he was in hospital with your Adam
01:14:40that he was about to get his package up so they could be gay Jews together.
01:14:47And then he told me, Dad, I love you.
01:14:51What the hell is going on, huh?
01:14:55Oh, Dennis, we pushed him too far and he snapped!
01:15:00With all the pressure that we put on him to marry a Jewish girl, the Asian wasn't enough and he went the other way.
01:15:07Okay, Buck, first of all, you look fantastic.
01:15:12Whoa, hey, hey, hey, whoa!
01:15:14Take it easy, old man.
01:15:14No, but second of all, I mean, I'm having a hard time believing any of this.
01:15:18Oh, yeah?
01:15:19Now where's your boy right now?
01:15:21Oh, buddy, I'm so happy you're here.
01:15:24And now you're helping me with this, I don't know what I would do without you.
01:15:26You really need me to do this again?
01:15:28I gotta be honest, I don't know if I can get through another gauze pass.
01:15:31And how many times a day do you have to do it?
01:15:34Really, I can't do this myself.
01:15:35Please come and do it.
01:15:36God, come on, just help me.
01:15:38Okay.
01:15:39Come here.
01:15:39Put some of that jelly on it and let's get going.
01:15:44Drop the petroleum jelly and back away from my son's anus.
01:15:51Holy s***.
01:15:53I knew it.
01:15:54Don't shoot him, Dad.
01:15:55Mom?
01:15:56Adam!
01:15:56Dad?
01:15:57Damn it, Adam!
01:15:57Jelly's for toast!
01:16:01Allison, I'm not a Jew, and I'm not a doctor.
01:16:05And my name is not Avi Rosenberg.
01:16:06Well, then who the hell are you?
01:16:08I'm Christian Thaddeus Reginald MacArthur O'Connell.
01:16:11I'm a plumber.
01:16:12Look, when I met you at the mixer, I begged my friend Adam here
01:16:15to help me pass myself off as a Jew so that you'd be able to date me.
01:16:20P*** club?
01:16:22Allison, how's it going?
01:16:24Marcy?
01:16:24Don't you even look at me.
01:16:25Rabbi, I'm so sorry.
01:16:26You f***ing club.
01:16:28Before Adam came along, I watched NASCAR, and I had the heads of dead animals that I'd hunted
01:16:33and killed myself on my wall.
01:16:34And I had no idea that when you order a salad at a restaurant, you can order the dressing
01:16:37on the side, let alone custom-create your own dishes off the menu.
01:16:41What the hell are you talking about?
01:16:42I fed you C's a salad.
01:16:43Jews can custom-create their own dishes off the menu.
01:16:47They're always up to something.
01:16:49No, I can hear you.
01:16:50That's why I messed up our date so bad, because I wasn't being myself.
01:16:54And then Adam told me the only way I'm ever going to be able to get you back is if I could
01:16:57convince your mom that I was the greatest guy in the world.
01:17:00So, that's why I poisoned your dad with the rotten gift filled of fish.
01:17:04Because, uh, I wanted to partner with your mom in the bridge tournament.
01:17:07You're the reason I've been on the toilet for three days becoming a raisin?
01:17:11All right, now we finally beat the Fleischman, Shlomi, so just leave it alone.
01:17:14Was there ever a medical conference in Dallas?
01:17:17No.
01:17:18I just needed time to recover from the circumcision.
01:17:20Why would you do all that?
01:17:27Because I love you.
01:17:29Allison, I love you.
01:17:40And I want you to make every decision for me for the rest of my life.
01:17:44Will you do that?
01:17:46So I'm just supposed to forget about everything you just said because you love me?
01:17:50Yes, please.
01:17:54Son, stop this hollering and just propose to the girl.
01:17:59Don't put the tongue in.
01:18:05Well, that haircut is awful.
01:18:07So, let me make an appointment for you with my guy because he's the best.
01:18:11I should take that as a yes, huh?
01:18:13Yes.
01:18:14I'll take that as a yes.
01:18:16Aw, Shlomi, we've got a plumber.
01:18:18Christian Thaddeus Reginald MacArthur O'Connell.
01:18:22Rosenberg.
01:18:23Now, that's a nice Jewish name.
01:18:28We are so thrilled that you finally decided to come on a moose hunt with us.
01:18:33I can't wait to kill me a ten-pointer.
01:18:35I'm going to skin him and gut him and pull out his rectum.
01:18:38You, uh, nobody is pulling out anybody's rectum here.
01:18:40That's what they do.
01:18:41No, no, listen to me, Shlomi.
01:18:42That would be a disgusting thing to do.
01:18:44Think of it.
01:18:44You could be more of it.
01:18:45You could get bacteria, you could get bacteria, you could get bacteria, there are no wipes here that I can see.
01:18:49Shut up!
01:18:50Stop the convection.
01:18:52Mercy, yarmulke man, take a knee.
01:18:55Knee?
01:18:56Oh, cramp.
01:18:59Careful.
01:19:00Not like that.
01:19:01For God's sake, I remember when my father took me out for my first hunt.
01:19:10We all fought like crazy over who's going to be the lucky one to pull out that rectum.
01:19:15Uh, that's what they do?
01:19:17Oh, thank you.
01:19:18Nog, baby.
01:19:18Damn right.
01:19:20Nog, baby.
01:19:21Oh, daddy loves mama's nog.
01:19:24Nog, baby.
01:19:26I'm not really much of a nog guy.
01:19:28You know, the dairy kind of makes my acid reflux kick in, and I'm not even sure if the eggs are cage-free, so I don't feel safe.
01:19:35But one sip won't kill me, I guess.
01:19:38Nog, baby.
01:19:40Oh, yeah.
01:19:46Oh, yeah!
01:19:53N-Nar-Nar in the tongue, and, uh, uh, Javine, and that, uh, whatever.
01:19:57My wife and I, we want to thank you for your hospitality, and for these beautiful hats.
01:20:08My father says it's an honor to have you as part of our family, and they've learned a great deal of wisdom from all of you this week.
01:20:13Thank you.
01:20:14Thank you.
01:20:14Oh, my mother says you're gonna love the fried marmot. It's a speciality.
01:20:20Oh, Dennis, did you hear that? We're gonna have fried marmot. Hooray.
01:20:23I mean, we discuss at home. I can have fried food once every few months.
01:20:27It's not gonna-
01:20:27I'm not saying that you shouldn't have fried food.
01:20:30Well, then what are you saying? Let's just eat it.
01:20:32Oh, maybe a little Mongolian barbecue or something, right?
01:20:34That could be okay.
01:20:35I'm gonna have barbecue.
01:20:36Let's eat what they order. We don't want to be rude.
01:20:38Why? Is it kosher?
01:20:39I don't know.
01:20:40We're not even kosher.
01:20:41Why do you care?
01:20:42I had a dream where I saw everyone with a smile on my face.
01:21:02Oh, I had a dream of a day when our love took the place of our ladies.
01:21:10I was depressed. I was self-conscious.
01:21:23I realized that my God-given **** wasn't the vag I wanted God to give me.
01:21:28Hi, I'm Dr. Bill Ginsberg, founder of A **** Beautiful.
01:21:32Our state-of-the-art surgical procedures will transform your va-va-blah into a va-va-la.
01:21:39Call now for your free, no-obligation color book featuring my original designs.
01:21:45Our team of expert vaginacologists will transform your caterpillar into a butterfly.
01:21:51Dr. Ginsberg turned my Grand Canyon into Le Petit Canyon and forever changed my life.
01:21:59In fact, I was such a satisfied client that I became one of the doctors here.
01:22:05And my wife.
01:22:07Gift yourself the vag that you deserve.
01:22:11Don't let your labia interfere with your life.
01:22:16Call now. 855-VAG-4U.
01:22:20Oh, sweet love.
01:22:24There were peace and harmony.
01:22:28Oh, sweet love.
01:22:31Yeah, yeah.
01:22:32Peace and harmony.
01:22:36I had a dream.
01:22:38I had a dream.
01:22:40Not a dream for myself, but for all that you can.
01:22:44I had a dream.
01:22:46I saw Jesus and Moses singing gospel all together now.
01:22:51Oh, sweet love.
01:22:53Oh, sweet love.
01:22:54Oh, sweet love.
01:22:55Oh, sweet love.
01:22:56Peace and harmony.
01:22:57Oh, sweet love.
01:22:58Oh, sweet love.
01:22:59Oh, sweet love.
01:23:00Oh, sweet love.
01:23:01Yeah, yeah.
01:23:02Peace and harmony.
01:23:04Oh, Jews and Asians walking hand in hand.
01:23:10Smoking sixes with a Jewish man.
01:23:13Even Moses has got to lend a hand.
01:23:17I'm thinking love, so long, so long.
01:23:21I had a dream.
01:23:24Where I saw every Jew paying me till you're free.
01:23:28I had a dream.
01:23:31Where I saw every Gentile of a Christian on the side.
01:23:36Oh, sweet love.
01:23:38Oh, there were peace and harmony.
01:23:42I'm thinking love, till you're there.
01:23:43Oh, sweet love.
01:23:46Yeah, yeah.
01:23:47Peace and harmony.
01:23:49All together now.
01:23:51Oh, sweet love.
01:23:54Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:23:55Peace and harmony.
01:23:57Peace and harmony.
01:23:58Oh, sweet love.
01:24:01Yeah, yeah.
01:24:02Peace and harmony.
01:24:05Yeah, yeah.
01:24:06Oh, sweet love.
01:24:09Peace and harmony.
Recommandations
1:25:04
|
À suivre
1:17:55
1:34:00
1:21:54
1:29:09
1:31:19
1:25:05
1:23:35
1:01
2:39