- 6/24/2025
Deadtime Stories (also known internationally as Freaky Fairy-Tales and The Griebels from Deadtime Stories) is a 1986 American horror comedy anthology film co-written and directed by Jeffery Delman in his directorial debut. In the film, a babysitting uncle tells his nephew three stories. The first story involves a slave used by two witches, who are attempting to resurrect their sister. The second story is based on "Little Red Riding Hood", where a teenage girl mistakenly picks up a werewolf's medicine for her grandmother. The third story, based on "Goldilocks", tells about three escaped mental patients who share their hideaway with a murderess.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00To be continued...
00:00:30To be continued...
00:01:00To be continued...
00:01:29Brian, do you know what time it is?
00:01:34But there's a monster in here, and he wants to get me.
00:01:38If you don't lie down right now, I'm gonna get you. Come on now.
00:01:46Uncle Mike, sometimes Mommy tells me a story. Will you tell me one?
00:01:50No, not right now, Brian. I have to press the cat and vacuum the ceiling. Maybe later.
00:01:57Oh, please. Just one.
00:02:00Brian.
00:02:01Please!
00:02:01All right. Any story in particular? Three little pigs, Jack and the Beanstalk?
00:02:10I don't care.
00:02:13Puss in Boots, Rumpelstiltskin?
00:02:16Whatever.
00:02:17Princess and the Pea? Ugly Duckling? Sleeping Beauty?
00:02:22If you like.
00:02:23Brian, what story?
00:02:26Why don't you make one up?
00:02:28All right.
00:02:31The three little pigs were blown out of their digs
00:02:37And their houses and huts were despoiled
00:02:41The wolf huffed and puffed till the pigs cried enough
00:02:46How can't this wicked monster be foiled?
00:02:51Two pigs were eaten
00:02:53Before he was beaten
00:02:55Down the chimney the wolf was hard-boiled
00:02:59It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:03:05Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:03:09It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:03:14Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:03:20A boy strong and proud climbed way up to the clouds
00:03:32On a product of magic being spinach
00:03:36Brave and defiant, he swindled the giant
00:03:42Whose wealth came from plundering village
00:03:45Then he picked up an axe
00:03:48Gave the beanstalk some wax
00:03:51Dumped the giant on most of the village
00:03:55It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:04:00Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:04:05It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:04:09Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:04:15In the cloak of the night
00:04:17I awake with a fright
00:04:20Pulled a blanket over my hand
00:04:23You can say I'm insane
00:04:27But it's stuck in my brain
00:04:29With those good skins under my bed
00:04:32Some call it obscene
00:04:44But the violence on screen
00:04:46Vents the internal turmoil of drama
00:04:50Those buckets of gore were spilled ages before
00:04:55George Romero, Hitchcock, or De Palma
00:04:59And our fears and our stress
00:05:02Through our times been expressed
00:05:05Through the fairy tale symbolic trauma
00:05:08It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:14Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:18It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:23Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:27It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:32Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:37It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:41Remembering our bedtime tale
00:05:45Once upon a time, a long, long time ago
00:05:49There was a fisherman's son named Peter
00:05:53He was all alone in the world
00:05:56So it came to pass, since he had no money
00:06:00He was sold into slavery
00:06:01Bought by two evil witches
00:06:04It was dead, wouldn't it?
00:06:06It was something else
00:06:08Good?
00:06:25You bet it is
00:06:27Does my heart good
00:06:30To see a handsome lad enjoy my cooking
00:06:33The secret is baby slugs
00:06:38The big ones are too chewy
00:06:40You have to wait for the really rainy days
00:06:45But you are worth it
00:06:49You're making me sick
00:06:52Get up, boy
00:06:54There's work to be done
00:06:56You go to the village
00:06:58Find the local person
00:07:00If I'm not wrong, he fancies himself
00:07:04Thinks he's quite a lady, isn't it?
00:07:07Are you listening to me, boy?
00:07:11Tell him you know two lovely ladies
00:07:14Who are just dying to meet him
00:07:16Then you lead him here
00:07:18What lovely ladies?
00:07:20Never you mind
00:07:21Make sure he has a sip of that
00:07:25Leave the rest to me
00:07:31You wouldn't be tricking me now, would you, boy?
00:07:38They are beautiful, huh?
00:07:41Right?
00:07:42That they are
00:07:44They got all their teeth
00:07:45Can't kiss a tart with rotten teeth, you know
00:07:49I wouldn't suppose
00:07:51Are they, are they sassy?
00:07:55You know
00:07:57Sassy
00:07:58Boy
00:08:11What'd you say your name was again?
00:08:15Peter?
00:08:17I see you in my church
00:08:19They're almost here
00:08:28Well, get ready
00:08:30Well, get ready
00:08:30It's all right, boy
00:08:43I can find my way
00:08:46Where's my sassy?
00:08:53Oh, grunt
00:08:55You ladies have never had such a prominent man as I, huh?
00:09:10You little vixens
00:09:12It's a bit of bondage, eh?
00:09:13You little vixens
00:09:15It's a bit of bondage, eh?
00:09:17You little vixens
00:09:19It's a bit of bondage, eh?
00:09:23You little vixens
00:09:24You little vixens
00:09:30It's a bit of bondage, eh?
00:09:32You little vixens
00:09:33It's a bit of bondage, eh?
00:09:36Ha ha ha ha ha!
00:09:42Here.
00:09:46Oh yeah.
00:09:56Oh dear me.
00:09:58Oh dear me.
00:10:02Has the lad told you
00:10:04that I have the largest parsonage
00:10:06in the district?
00:10:08And my flock adore me.
00:10:10They pray to me, you know.
00:10:16Ha ha ha ha!
00:10:18Ha ha ha!
00:10:20Ha ha ha!
00:10:22Ha ha ha ha!
00:10:26Ha ha ha!
00:10:27Ah ha!
00:10:28Ha ha ha!
00:10:29Uh huh huh!
00:10:30Ha ha.
00:10:32Ha ha ha!
00:10:33Ha ha ha!
00:10:34Ha ha ha!
00:10:35Ha ha ha!
00:10:36Ha ha ha.
00:10:39Ha ha ha!
00:10:40So that's what you're up to, huh?
00:10:44Do you feel more sickish or going to squeak?
00:10:45Ha ha ha ha ha!
00:10:46What is this stuff, anyway?
00:10:49It's...get...get the stuff off of me!
00:11:19Here we are. Take the divine left hand from a holy man, the one that mirrors his heart.
00:11:30Well, ain't nothing holy about that one.
00:11:33Shh! Pay attention!
00:11:36Brain of a black cat, heart of an eel. Grind them together until they congeal.
00:11:45Brain of a black cat, brain of a black cat, heart of a weasel.
00:11:53What was it, heart of a weasel?
00:11:55No, no, fat old fool! An eel! An eel!
00:11:58I'm not fat!
00:12:00You're not fat.
00:12:04Eel. Eel. No eel!
00:12:08Here we are.
00:12:11Now, grind them together...
00:12:13Oh, no! I know!
00:12:19That looks pretty congealed.
00:12:22Now pour in a vial of hemlock and ale and top it all off with a black piggy's tail.
00:12:31Oh, how sweet!
00:12:33Now, my friend, guide us true. Where's our sister? Where's Magoga?
00:12:54West?
00:12:56The Forfers Field.
00:12:58West?
00:13:00The Forfers Field.
00:13:03Oneιο go.
00:13:05We need a voice.
00:13:07One, two, three, four, five!
00:13:10Peter, come on.
00:13:40Come along. Stop playing with the nice man.
00:13:56What have I told you about talking to strangers?
00:14:00Is this it? Did we find her?
00:14:02Shh.
00:14:05Kurt.
00:14:07Kurt.
00:14:08What is it, Hannibal?
00:14:10Try it.
00:14:27She's here.
00:14:29She's here.
00:14:31She's here.
00:14:33Get out of the way!
00:14:49Get out of the way!
00:14:57Did he not?
00:15:03Oh!
00:15:33Oh no!
00:15:34Oh look!
00:15:35Oh no!
00:15:39Oh no!
00:15:40I am fine.
00:15:48I am fine.
00:15:51Yes.
00:16:24What have they done to you?
00:16:54Why did you wait so long
00:17:18to dig your system and go go up anyway?
00:17:21This one asks too many questions.
00:17:23I was no on.
00:17:25You see, Peter,
00:17:26the spell to bring her back
00:17:28can only be passed when the
00:17:30full moon and the solstice
00:17:32come together on Friday.
00:17:35Once every
00:17:3636 years.
00:17:3837.
00:17:4037? Are you sure?
00:17:42No, I spent
00:17:44the last 28 years
00:17:46following an out.
00:17:48Of course I'm sure, stupid.
00:17:50I'm not stupid.
00:17:52You are stupid. Mother always said so.
00:17:55Mother always liked you
00:17:56best. Mother was a good woman.
00:17:59Nasty woman.
00:18:00She was.
00:18:01Is that it?
00:18:19Are we ready?
00:18:20No.
00:18:22There's one last ingredient
00:18:24to be got.
00:18:25This is your busy
00:18:30day, boy.
00:18:34Get here, too.
00:18:36Can't lure the
00:18:37sort of girl we need
00:18:39if you're all a mess.
00:18:42Remember,
00:18:43squeaky clean.
00:18:46Here.
00:18:46Maybe I'd better help you.
00:18:48No, no, no, Ferlander.
00:18:50I can do it.
00:18:51Can I have my clothes now?
00:19:03Please, now?
00:19:08Ma'am?
00:19:09Mm?
00:19:11What did you mean
00:19:12when you said
00:19:13that sort of girl?
00:19:15Only good time.
00:19:19Ma'am?
00:19:20Mm-hmm.
00:19:22I don't mind
00:19:23going out
00:19:24and getting you
00:19:25herbs and animals
00:19:26for your magic.
00:19:28But I didn't know
00:19:29you were going to
00:19:29hurt that priest.
00:19:30We do
00:19:31what we have to do.
00:19:34Yeah, but killing people?
00:19:36There are some things
00:19:38you just won't understand.
00:19:43Leave it to Hanagal
00:19:44and me.
00:19:45Leave what to you
00:19:47and me?
00:19:48What's his problem?
00:19:50He don't like you
00:19:52and me killing people.
00:19:54Oh.
00:19:55That's too bad, isn't it?
00:19:58You do as you're told,
00:20:00you lazy turd.
00:20:02Now hurry up
00:20:03the both of you.
00:20:09Reminds me
00:20:10of myself
00:20:11in my youth.
00:20:12We're not going
00:20:13to hurt her,
00:20:14are we?
00:20:15You can't keep
00:20:16killing people.
00:20:17It's just plain wrong.
00:20:19I don't know
00:20:19what's getting
00:20:20into you.
00:20:22If you won't do
00:20:24this one little thing
00:20:26for me,
00:20:26well, then,
00:20:28you can just
00:20:29go on back home.
00:20:31Hmm?
00:20:32Yes, ma'am.
00:20:34What do you want me to do?
00:20:35You'll get her attention
00:20:37and I'll sneak up
00:20:40on her with the call.
00:20:42What do I do?
00:20:44Think of something.
00:20:54Hello?
00:20:57Could I help you with that?
00:20:59I'm fine.
00:21:01Um,
00:21:02I seem to be
00:21:03a little lost.
00:21:05Village is that way.
00:21:09Okay, thanks.
00:21:16So, uh,
00:21:18do you live here
00:21:19by yourself?
00:21:20No, I share
00:21:21the place
00:21:21with a bunch
00:21:21of dwarves.
00:21:22Can I help you
00:21:23with something?
00:21:24I've been pretty much
00:21:25walking for the past
00:21:26few days
00:21:26and I was wondering,
00:21:27do you have some
00:21:28food or something?
00:21:30A beggar.
00:21:33I-I shouldn't
00:21:34be taking people
00:21:34in, though.
00:21:35Our parson's
00:21:36just been found
00:21:37murdered.
00:21:38I don't know,
00:21:38who knows
00:21:39what kind of lunatic
00:21:40I could be.
00:21:46Take a seat.
00:21:53This bread
00:21:54is very good.
00:21:55Much softer
00:21:56than they make
00:21:56at home.
00:21:58Bake this afternoon.
00:21:59You're staring at me.
00:22:07You're very pretty,
00:22:08Brad.
00:22:10Maybe...
00:22:11Peter, what is it?
00:22:13No.
00:22:22Good work.
00:22:24Help me get her
00:22:25into the barrow.
00:22:26We may yet
00:22:28make a warlock
00:22:30out of you,
00:22:30Peter.
00:22:31He-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he.
00:22:32And Hanukkah
00:22:34will be so pleased.
00:22:36He-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he.
00:22:37Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:22:39You two took your house
00:22:41for time.
00:22:42It's almost midnight.
00:22:43Ah!
00:22:43So...
00:22:43So...
00:22:44So this is our sacrifice,
00:22:57is it?
00:22:57Come on,
00:23:01don't stand there.
00:23:02Give us a hand.
00:23:03I think she's got the loveliest eyes.
00:23:11I want them after.
00:23:13I get the eyes.
00:23:16You got them last time.
00:23:18I never get anything good.
00:23:21I get the eyes.
00:23:23Well...
00:23:24I claim all the teeth, then.
00:23:28Oh!
00:23:31Come on,
00:23:32it's getting light.
00:23:34Oh!
00:23:35Oh!
00:23:49Oh!
00:23:49Oh!
00:23:50Ma'am?
00:23:57What is it?
00:23:59Can I be the one
00:24:00to use the knife?
00:24:04What?
00:24:05Oh, yes!
00:24:06Don't let him!
00:24:07I think he's ready.
00:24:11Now it's too important.
00:24:13You do it.
00:24:15You can kill
00:24:16the next sacrifice.
00:24:17It's time.
00:24:19It's time.
00:24:26Go ahead.
00:24:27You might be proud.
00:24:29Don't worry.
00:24:40Stay calm and follow my lead.
00:24:47Go on!
00:24:48Read it!
00:24:49You read it.
00:24:50I can't read.
00:24:51I can't read.
00:24:52I can't read.
00:24:52You know I can't read.
00:24:57You worry us.
00:24:58The virulent demons
00:25:00of the pit.
00:25:01Hear us.
00:25:03Lord of the plague.
00:25:05Send us the soul
00:25:07of our forsaken sister.
00:25:09Marry her with pestilence.
00:25:15I feel her full of hatred.
00:25:17You've got a lie.
00:25:36We've won't find it.
00:28:06Take this life in thy darkest name.
00:28:22A life for a life!
00:28:26Take this life!
00:28:30Take this life!
00:28:32Take this life!
00:28:38Take this life!
00:28:42Take this life!
00:28:44Take this life!
00:28:48Take this life!
00:28:50Take this life!
00:28:56Take this life!
00:28:58Take this life!
00:29:00I can't kill you!
00:29:02I'm gonna...
00:29:06Rich!
00:29:08Rich!
00:29:10I didn't hurt you like you were me.
00:29:34You know, it would have been a lot easier if you just ran away when I suggested it.
00:29:40I don't know.
00:30:10Oh, my God.
00:30:40Excuse me, sir, but could you please tell us how to get out of here?
00:30:53You killed my sisters.
00:30:57I'm going to make this very painful.
00:31:10Oh!
00:31:20Ah!
00:31:21Ah!
00:31:22Ah!
00:31:23Ah!
00:31:24Ah!
00:31:25Ah!
00:31:26Ah!
00:31:27Ah!
00:31:28Ah!
00:31:29Ah!
00:31:30Ah!
00:31:35Ah!
00:31:36Ah!
00:31:37Ah!
00:31:38BIRDS CHIRP
00:32:08BIRDS CHIRP
00:32:38BIRDS CHIRP
00:32:40BIRDS CHIRP
00:32:42Eww, that's a mushy, icky ending.
00:33:00Well, what kind of an ending would you like?
00:33:03Mmm, how about a scary ending?
00:33:06And you'll go to sleep?
00:33:08Promise.
00:33:09Okay.
00:33:10Just then, Magogha jumped back to life and...
00:33:14Better?
00:33:19Much.
00:33:20Okay, good night, kid.
00:33:22Good night.
00:33:23Good night.
00:33:40Uncle Mike!
00:33:53Uncle Mike!
00:33:59Good night.
00:34:00Good night.
00:34:01Good night.
00:34:02Good night.
00:34:03Good night.
00:34:04Good night.
00:34:05Good night.
00:34:06Good night.
00:34:07Good night.
00:34:08Good night.
00:34:09Good night.
00:34:10Good night.
00:34:11Good night.
00:34:12Good night.
00:34:13Good night.
00:34:14Good night.
00:34:15Good night.
00:34:16Good night.
00:34:17Good night.
00:34:18Good night.
00:34:19Good night.
00:34:20Good night.
00:34:21Good night.
00:34:22Good night.
00:34:23Good night.
00:34:24Good night.
00:34:25Hello, Mike!
00:34:53Isn't she just an adorable boy?
00:34:55What now?
00:34:56Thank you, thank you.
00:35:00What is it?
00:35:01A monster was gonna get me.
00:35:05Oh, Brian, for Christ's sakes,
00:35:06the Miss Nude Bayot competition is on cable vision right now.
00:35:09One more story, please.
00:35:12Which story?
00:35:14Mmm, Little Red Riding Hood.
00:35:18Little Red Riding Hood.
00:35:20Hmm.
00:35:21Okay.
00:35:23Once upon a time, there was a little girl called Rachel.
00:35:27Actually, she wasn't all that little.
00:35:29She was a hot-looking high school senior
00:35:32with clear blue eyes and fine, firm breasts.
00:35:36That's not the way Mommy tells it.
00:35:38Shut up. That's the way I tell it.
00:35:40Anyhow, one day she came home after cheerleading practice,
00:35:44and she realized she wanted to go jogging.
00:35:46Oh, God.
00:35:48Oh, God.
00:35:49roommate?
00:35:50How many things were born today?
00:35:51What's wrong?
00:35:51Oh, God.
00:35:51Oh, God.
00:35:54See you now.
00:35:55Let me tell together,
00:36:09see you something else on camera.
00:38:10I need you to run an errand for your grandmother.
00:38:14Okay, Mom.
00:38:22Uncle Mike, this story stinks.
00:38:24Where's the big bad wolf?
00:38:25Isn't there supposed to be a big bad wolf?
00:38:28Well, yeah, I'm getting to that.
00:38:30Meanwhile, across town there lived this guy named Willie.
00:38:33Was he a wolf?
00:38:34Well, no.
00:38:36Technically, he wasn't.
00:38:37Not full-time, anyway.
00:38:38What's happening, my man?
00:38:52I got a little present for you from the islands.
00:38:56Really?
00:38:57How lovely.
00:38:58Hmm.
00:39:00I'll save that for my vacation.
00:39:02Enjoy.
00:39:03Lunch hour.
00:39:05So, how much do I owe you this time?
00:39:08Uh, 25 will do it.
00:39:10I can only get seven for you this time.
00:39:12Yeah, we had an arrangement.
00:39:14No, no.
00:39:15Just, uh, raise the price when you resell them.
00:39:19Yeah, sure.
00:39:20I don't know who would take this shit anyhow.
00:39:25Frankly, I took two of these to knock me out for two days one time.
00:39:30Excuse me.
00:39:30Oh, yes, ma'am.
00:39:31What can I do for you?
00:39:32Well, I'm here to pick up a prescription for my grandmother.
00:39:35Name's Krieger.
00:39:36Uh-huh.
00:39:36Is this a house account?
00:39:38Uh, yeah.
00:39:40Well, I'll call out of the charge.
00:39:41Let's be right back.
00:39:42So, what's your name?
00:39:53Rachel.
00:39:54That's a pretty name.
00:39:56Biblical, huh?
00:39:58I wouldn't know.
00:40:00I'm doing anything later.
00:40:03None of your business.
00:40:05We are, Ms. Krieger.
00:40:07She'll just sign here.
00:40:08Okay.
00:40:09Rachel.
00:40:11Rachel.
00:40:11Um, where?
00:40:12Just anywhere in the bottom's fine.
00:40:17There you go.
00:40:20Bye-bye.
00:40:20Bye.
00:40:21Always a pleasure.
00:40:27Take this.
00:40:30It'll help you forget.
00:40:32Right.
00:40:33Sorry.
00:40:33Where were you?
00:40:50Just running.
00:40:52Yeah.
00:40:53Where were you?
00:40:56Waiting for you.
00:40:58Hi.
00:40:58Hi.
00:40:58Hi.
00:40:58Hi.
00:40:59Hi.
00:41:00Hi.
00:41:00Hi.
00:41:13Not here.
00:41:13You're not going to back out on me again, are you?
00:41:18You want to go someplace else?
00:41:25You want to go someplace else?
00:41:25No.
00:41:25No.
00:41:25No.
00:41:26No.
00:41:26No.
00:41:26No.
00:41:27No.
00:41:27No.
00:41:27You want to go someplace else?
00:41:28No.
00:41:29No.
00:41:29No.
00:41:29No.
00:41:29No.
00:41:30No.
00:41:30No.
00:41:30No.
00:41:31No.
00:41:31No.
00:41:32No.
00:41:32No.
00:41:32No.
00:41:33No.
00:41:33No.
00:41:33No.
00:41:33No.
00:41:34No.
00:41:34No.
00:41:34No.
00:41:34No.
00:41:34No.
00:41:35No.
00:41:35No.
00:41:35No.
00:41:36No.
00:41:36No.
00:41:36No.
00:41:37No.
00:41:37No.
00:41:37No.
00:41:37No.
00:41:38No.
00:41:38No.
00:41:38No.
00:41:38No.
00:41:38No.
00:41:39No.
00:41:39No.
00:41:39No.
00:41:40No.
00:41:40No.
00:41:40No.
00:41:41No.
00:41:41No.
00:41:41No.
00:41:41No.
00:41:42No.
00:41:42No.
00:41:43No.
00:41:44No.
00:41:44No.
00:41:45No.
00:41:46You gave me the goddamn grandmother's medicine.
00:42:09What are you talking about?
00:42:11Oh, shit.
00:42:16Oh, shit is right.
00:42:18I need those pills.
00:42:20Well, maybe you should ask Granny for them.
00:42:23Maybe you should ask Granny tomorrow morning.
00:42:24She's going to be sleeping pretty well tonight.
00:42:26Just give me your address, then, quick.
00:42:28Oh, man, I can't do that.
00:42:32Listen to me, you shit.
00:42:34If I'm not outcalled by moonrise tonight...
00:42:36Give me your address.
00:42:48Now.
00:42:49Here we are.
00:43:07This is it.
00:43:09You're serious, aren't you?
00:43:13What do you think?
00:43:14How very classy.
00:43:16Well, lucky for you, I just happen to have some candles and an air mattress.
00:43:29How very spontaneous.
00:43:33Um, did you happen to bring an air pump by any chance?
00:43:36o'er
00:43:41o'er
00:43:54o'er
00:43:57o'er
00:43:59o'er
00:44:01o'er
00:44:04Yes, can I help you?
00:44:18Hi, is Rachel here?
00:44:21No.
00:44:34She's not here.
00:44:39What's your name?
00:44:41Willie.
00:44:42Willie.
00:44:44Huh, if you leave your number, I'll have it call you.
00:44:47No, no, you can't do that.
00:44:49You see, it's kind of important.
00:44:51Can I just come inside?
00:44:52Oh, absolutely not.
00:44:54No, if you can't leave your number, you'll have to go.
00:44:56Excuse me.
00:45:04Open the door.
00:45:11I will not.
00:45:13Now you go away or I'll call the police.
00:45:17Lady, will you just open the door?
00:45:22Lady.
00:45:23Lady.
00:45:25Open the fucking door.
00:45:28Come on, lady.
00:45:31I have a meat cleaver here.
00:45:33And I know how to use it.
00:46:03Oh, wait.
00:46:04What?
00:46:05I got to pee.
00:46:05Oh, wait.
00:46:06What?
00:46:07I got to pee.
00:46:08Oh, wait.
00:46:24I gotta pee.
00:46:38I gotta pee.
00:47:08I'm back.
00:47:15I missed you.
00:47:18Hi.
00:47:19Hi.
00:47:21Hi.
00:47:23Hi.
00:47:25Hi.
00:47:27Hi.
00:47:29Hi.
00:47:32Hi.
00:47:37Hi.
00:47:38Hi.
00:47:39Hi.
00:47:40Hi.
00:47:41Hi.
00:47:42Hi.
00:47:43Hi.
00:47:44Hi.
00:47:45Hi.
00:47:46Hi.
00:47:47Hi.
00:47:48Hi.
00:47:49Hi.
00:47:50Hi.
00:47:51Hi.
00:47:52Hi.
00:47:53Hi.
00:47:54Hi.
00:47:55Hi.
00:47:56Hi.
00:47:57Hi.
00:47:58Hi.
00:47:59Hi.
00:48:00Hi.
00:48:01Hi.
00:48:02Hi.
00:48:03Hi.
00:48:04Hi.
00:48:05Hi.
00:48:06Relax.
00:48:36Oh!
00:49:06Fuck!
00:49:15No!
00:49:17I'm ready!
00:49:36I don't look any different.
00:49:44What?
00:49:48Nothing.
00:49:50Did you hear that?
00:50:08Hear what?
00:50:09Shh!
00:50:10I don't hear anything.
00:50:20I'm not going to be angry.
00:50:22I'm not going to be angry.
00:50:24I'm not going to be angry.
00:50:26Okay.
00:50:28Let's see.
00:50:30Let's go.
00:50:32It's true.
00:50:34Let's see what's going on.
00:50:36Let's get back.
00:50:38Sorry we did it?
00:50:53No.
00:50:55Hey, come on. It's getting late.
00:50:59What time is it?
00:51:00I don't know. It must be about 6.
00:51:02Oh, shit. My grandmother's gonna kill me.
00:51:08I don't know.
00:51:38I don't know.
00:52:08Oh, my God.
00:52:38Who's there?
00:52:56Stop it!
00:52:58Stop it!
00:53:08Well, we're here.
00:53:38You don't want me to walk you to the door?
00:53:40No.
00:53:41Well, I'm in enough trouble.
00:53:43Wait here.
00:53:44I'll be back.
00:53:53Graham?
00:53:57Graham?
00:54:08Graham?
00:54:10Graham?
00:54:36Operator, okay, something terrible's happened.
00:54:44Okay, send an ambulance, yeah.
00:54:46My address is 80 Oakley Road.
00:54:49Please hurry.
00:54:50Please.
00:55:20Come on, Captain.
00:55:50Dr. Martin, Dr. Martin, please dial 3-1-4.
00:55:56Dr. Martin, Dr. Martin, please dial 3-1-4.
00:56:00Don't you think it's time you headed home?
00:56:03It's my fault.
00:56:04How can you say that?
00:56:07I want to be here when she wakes up.
00:56:09Can I get you some tea or something?
00:56:14No.
00:56:15No.
00:56:15Here we go.
00:56:18No.
00:56:19Dr. Martin, Dr. Martin.
00:56:21Dr. Martin, Dr. Martin.
00:56:23No.
00:56:26Graham?
00:56:29Rachel?
00:56:32Oh, Rachel.
00:56:34Graham, I'm so worried.
00:56:35Oh, it's okay.
00:56:41It's okay.
00:56:42How do you feel?
00:56:44I ran to the door.
00:56:51That bastard shot me from behind.
00:56:56I'm so sorry.
00:56:58I should have...
00:56:59Grim, are you all right?
00:57:08Grandma, what big teeth you have!
00:57:15Red Riding Hood is grabbed in a frenzy of snarls and growls,
00:57:20ripped apart, and unfortunately, no one lived happily ever after.
00:57:24The end.
00:57:25Good night.
00:57:29Uncle Mike.
00:57:51Uncle Mike.
00:57:53Uncle Mike.
00:58:11A monster!
00:58:24Monster!
00:58:26There is no monster in here.
00:58:28There's no monster in here.
00:58:29Nothing here, nothing here.
00:58:31Definite deficit of monsters in here, isn't there?
00:58:34No monster in here.
00:58:36Nothing in here.
00:58:37Okay.
00:58:38Hey, so you see there's no monster in this room, right?
00:58:41Just one more story, please.
00:58:43Goldilocks and three bears, please.
00:58:44No.
00:58:45Just one, please.
00:58:47No, no, no.
00:58:48No more.
00:58:49It's time to go to bed.
00:58:52Brian, no, no, no.
00:58:54Brian!
00:58:54Once upon a time, on a bright, sunny spring day, while the birds were singing and the bees
00:59:05were being, there lived Papa Bear and Mama Bear and Baby Bear and a little girl named
00:59:14Goldilocks.
00:59:16All right, all right.
00:59:30Just what do you two think you're doing?
00:59:32We're going home.
00:59:33Sure you are.
00:59:35Maybe you'd like some money to take along with you.
00:59:37Sure, that'd be real.
00:59:38Let me handle this.
00:59:39Now, we don't want any problems from you, pal.
00:59:42We'll be out of here in a few minutes.
00:59:43Okay, okay.
00:59:44Why don't you just give me that gun before you get yourselves in trouble?
00:59:51Now, don't try anything funny.
00:59:53Look, Dad.
00:59:54It's Mama.
00:59:56Oh, no.
00:59:57I'm not falling for that old one.
01:00:13Oh, I am sorry.
01:00:16I am late.
01:00:18But you wouldn't believe the day I had one thing after another.
01:00:21First, this morning, I get a phone call.
01:00:22Miss Fran Rea got his head stuck in the revolving door, so they can answer my 3.30 hairdresser.
01:00:27Then, I'm sitting down watching Donahue.
01:00:29Why don't you tell us on the way?
01:00:30Oh, yes.
01:00:31Hang on, boys.
01:00:39Heads up.
01:00:42See?
01:00:43Only graced him the first time.
01:01:03Life these days can be a mess.
01:01:05Daily decisions lead to stress.
01:01:07Are you dreading what each spread a day might bring?
01:01:10Are there voices in your head?
01:01:12Do you dive beneath the bed every time the phone begins to ring?
01:01:17Well, if your psyche's all undone, there's a place where you can run.
01:01:21Where folks are leaving baskets and eating flies and having fun.
01:01:25Papa.
01:01:26What?
01:01:27I have to go.
01:01:29Oh, baby.
01:01:30You should have thought of that before we left the asylum.
01:01:32Happens every time we go anywhere.
01:01:34Can we stop for ice cream?
01:01:37No!
01:01:39Just where are we going anyway?
01:01:41Remember that nice little house we used to live in?
01:01:44I think it's vacant now.
01:01:46Oh, yeah.
01:01:47The one in Amityville.
01:01:50A fantasy world may be bliss, and there is nothing wrong with this.
01:01:53Though still you can't have trouble finding dates.
01:01:57If you need a place to play, find yourself a hideaway.
01:02:01After all, it worked for Norman Bates.
01:02:02It's not that I'm not flattered.
01:02:06It's just that I'm, well, not ready to make that kind of commitment.
01:02:14I'm sorry things didn't work out between us.
01:02:17You are kind of cute.
01:02:21Will you be quiet?
01:02:22Well, I guess we'd better head inside.
01:02:28I really should be angry at you.
01:02:44You boys are all the same.
01:02:47Just want one thing and one thing only.
01:02:50Just like all the rest.
01:02:52Afternoon, boys!
01:02:54Why don't you give us a kiss?
01:03:00What kind of girl do you think I am?
01:03:06That guy.
01:03:07Let's see.
01:03:08Am I right?
01:03:09Norman, this is Fred.
01:03:11Fred, Norman, you two should get along well together.
01:03:14You have a lot in common.
01:03:15Time for News View from the Channel 12 Newsroom.
01:03:21This morning, the calm serenity of the Saints preserve us home for the helplessly insane
01:03:27was shattered by the bloody breakout of Beresford Papa Bear and Wilmont Baby Bear,
01:03:35who are each serving combined sentences of 4,726 years for their assorted crimes.
01:03:43With me is Lieutenant Jack B. Nimble of the Metro Police.
01:03:48Tell me, Lieutenant, are there any new developments in the breakout?
01:03:51Our best clue so far is a set of tire tracks from the car.
01:03:54Surely, there are quite a few cars with similar tread patterns.
01:04:00But not with dentures in them.
01:04:02In addition to the Bear family's bloody escape today, police believe the murderous Goldie Locks,
01:04:08who escaped last week, is now in our vicinity.
01:04:11Miss Locks, who has been periodically institutionalized since the age of eight,
01:04:15exhibits extreme psychotic behavior and is believed to be responsible for the deaths of at least 14 people,
01:04:21including her own parents.
01:04:23I'm standing here with Captain Jack B. Quick.
01:04:27I'm the darling of the media already.
01:04:30Captain Quick, tell me, what is your strategy?
01:04:34That is, exactly what measures are being taken to end the ghastly, murderous spree of Miss Locks?
01:04:43Well, we plan to arrest her and, of course, put her in jail.
01:04:48That ought to do it.
01:04:49Moreover, it has been alleged, although this reporter finds it highly unlikely,
01:04:54that Miss Locks has some unusual psychic powers.
01:04:57Although we hasten to add, this has never been confirmed.
01:05:01In other news, President...
01:05:02Consider it confirmed.
01:05:09Oh, there's a picnic basket there in the back, dear.
01:05:18Now we're getting somewhere.
01:05:21What the hell is this?
01:05:29Porridge.
01:05:31Why must we always have porridge?
01:05:33Don't you know how to make anything but porridge?
01:05:35Tradition.
01:05:37Well, that's got a new tradition.
01:05:39Steak, pork, yak, anything but porridge.
01:05:43You know we can't afford steak, not on your salary, which, at the moment, is nothing.
01:05:48Right.
01:05:49We need money.
01:05:52How about welfare?
01:05:54What?
01:05:55Welfare?
01:05:56That's ridiculous.
01:05:57Our family will get our money the way we've always gotten it.
01:06:00Honorable.
01:06:01Hey!
01:06:10Hey, you can't do that!
01:06:11Stop!
01:06:13You can't do that!
01:06:24Oi!
01:06:26Oopsie!
01:06:26And that was the scene today, as the notorious Behr family successfully pulled off a daring
01:06:44daylight robbery.
01:06:46I'm fortunate enough to have in the studio with me today, Lieutenant Nimble of the area police
01:06:51in charge of the Behr family apprehension, and Captain Quick of the state police in charge
01:06:57of the LOX investigation.
01:06:59Gentlemen, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to be with us today.
01:07:03Sure.
01:07:04Anything to get on television.
01:07:07Captain Quick, what do you think the recent murder sprees say about today's society?
01:07:12I don't know.
01:07:13Well, it's because of today's permissive sex and recreational violence.
01:07:22It's like a huge, festering puss war, and it just keeps getting larger and bigger and
01:07:30grows larger and larger until it explodes, covering us all with a sticky, slimy, smelly
01:07:35mess.
01:07:37It's like when you lay down with dogs, you get up with puppies.
01:07:40Well, let's follow that up, Lieutenant Nimble.
01:07:43In cases such as these, what are the chances for a successful rehabilitation?
01:07:48Oh, I think...
01:07:48You've got to catch him first.
01:07:50What?
01:07:51You have to catch him first.
01:07:53What do you mean by that?
01:07:54Nothing.
01:07:55Remember, I've seen you in action.
01:07:57Are you saying I'm a bad cop?
01:07:59Yeah, I'm calling you a bad cop.
01:08:00Oh, yeah?
01:08:01Hey, fellas, you're on the air.
01:08:02Oh, I ought to...
01:08:03Oh, hey.
01:08:04Oh, hey.
01:08:05Oh, oh, hey.
01:08:05Someone's in there all right.
01:08:23Maybe we could throw in a few of these just to soften up the area.
01:08:31At the community college, silly.
01:08:34I took, uh, pirate techniques, hand-to-hand combat, and...
01:08:38What else?
01:08:38Oh, yes, macrame.
01:08:42Nah, too messy.
01:08:44Let's go in with the old Avon lady bit.
01:08:48Just cover us with the Uzi.
01:08:55Yeah, oh, oh, yeah.
01:09:01Someone's sleeping in my bed.
01:09:27Someone's sleeping in my bed.
01:09:31Somebody's sleeping in my bed.
01:09:34I like walking in the rain.
01:09:36I like walking in my bed.
01:09:40I like walking in my bed.
01:09:42I like walking in my bed.
01:09:43I like walking in my bed.
01:09:47I like walking in my bed.
01:09:49I like walking in my bed.
01:09:52I like walking in my bed.
01:09:55I like walking in my bed.
01:09:57I like walking in my bed.
01:09:59All right.
01:10:00Get out!
01:10:05Look what I found.
01:10:07I'm sorry.
01:10:08I didn't think anyone lived here.
01:10:10Aren't you cute?
01:10:12What's your name, honey?
01:10:13Goldie.
01:10:14Goldie Locks.
01:10:15Actually, it's Goldie.
01:10:16I was born during the Six-Day War.
01:10:18Isn't she darling?
01:10:20Shall I waste a deal?
01:10:21No, don't.
01:10:22I wouldn't be much bother.
01:10:23I can cook and do all sorts of things.
01:10:26Well, I don't know.
01:10:28What do you think, Myla?
01:10:30I think she'll fit in just fine around here.
01:10:32She'll be like the daughter we never had.
01:10:34And you'll be like the parents I brutally slaughtered.
01:10:38She's been spotted here, here, and here.
01:10:41Now, our reconnaissance says she has to be here in this deserted house.
01:10:47So, here's the plan of action.
01:10:49In one hour, we'll form on the highway just outside the house.
01:10:53Once we group, we go in in plain-closed cars.
01:10:57We'll line up out front and wait for her to come out.
01:11:01And bring plenty of firepower, boys.
01:11:03This little girl's our dynamo.
01:11:05Oh, you must have been a beautiful baby.
01:11:15You must have been a beautiful child.
01:11:35Oh, hello, baby.
01:11:39You startled me.
01:11:40Gee, I'm sorry.
01:11:43Papa asked me to bury these guys.
01:11:48So, tell me, why did they call you baby anyway?
01:11:52I don't know.
01:11:55I guess I got it when I was younger.
01:11:57Oh.
01:12:00I like you, baby.
01:12:02You're so different.
01:12:08Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:12:09I'm just a regular guy.
01:12:11No, don't ever say that.
01:12:14You've got to be different from the rest.
01:12:18I like you, too, Goldie.
01:12:20Kiss me.
01:12:20I love you, too.
01:12:35Wow, what a woman!
01:12:40I love you.
01:12:42I love you.
01:12:43I love you!
01:12:44Baby!
01:12:45I love you!
01:12:46Baby!
01:12:47I love you!
01:12:48Baby!
01:12:49Thank you!
01:12:50Baby!
01:12:51No!
01:12:52Too rough!
01:12:53No!
01:12:54No!
01:12:55No!
01:12:56No!
01:12:57No!
01:12:58Baby!
01:12:59Baby!
01:13:00Baby!
01:13:01Baby!
01:13:13Oh, finally, I fell.
01:13:19Sorry, boys.
01:13:32Loves me.
01:13:33We know the bears are holed up in that house across the field.
01:13:36Now, considering the shrewd criminal mind we're dealing with...
01:13:39Loves me not.
01:13:41We decided to enter through the rear.
01:13:43That's my idea.
01:13:45She loves me.
01:13:47You spell the name N-I-M...
01:13:49Loves me not.
01:13:50B-L-E.
01:13:51Now, in case they're shooting, remember, drop low and to my right.
01:13:55That's my best side.
01:13:59She loves me.
01:14:03We thank thee, Lord, for what we are about to receive.
01:14:09Horrid again!
01:14:09Oh, the commotion.
01:14:11I didn't have the time to go to the store today.
01:14:15And on top of all that, it's too hot!
01:14:19What do we do?
01:14:21Well, why don't we go for a walk until it cools?
01:14:28Nah, screw it.
01:14:29Let's go get a pizza.
01:14:30Let's go get a pizza.
01:14:33Papa, I have to go.
01:14:38Yo!
01:15:00No way I'm told you.
01:15:13I don't like hairy fish.
01:15:14All right.
01:15:14No way I'm told you.
01:15:15Do you want anything else?
01:15:16Can I have a drink, Papa?
01:15:19Sure, why not?
01:15:21I'll have a double bourbon and whiskey, please.
01:15:24I'll have a youth.
01:15:26No, no youthful.
01:15:27Taco pop, okay?
01:15:29What about you, little princess?
01:15:32Coke.
01:15:33Jeez, what a bunch of wheels.
01:15:35All right, men, that's far enough.
01:15:45From these positions, we have optimum viewing capacity.
01:15:50I don't want anyone to advance further until you hear my signal.
01:15:54The thing to do here is to remain calm, alert, and relaxed.
01:15:59The key is not to overreact.
01:16:02I'm getting too old for this type of life.
01:16:05I didn't want you to be part of it.
01:16:07I had other plans for you.
01:16:10Senator Bear.
01:16:12Governor Bear.
01:16:15President Bear.
01:16:17Not this.
01:16:19If only we could just settle down quietly somewheres.
01:16:23Not now.
01:16:24We're probably on every police blotter in the country.
01:16:26Where will we go?
01:16:27What do we do?
01:16:29California.
01:16:30We'd probably blend in there.
01:16:31Nobody would notice us there.
01:16:33Yeah.
01:16:33And you can become one of them television preachers.
01:16:37And you can become one of them television preachers.
01:16:37Well, just later.
01:16:57We'll be coming.
01:16:59We'll be coming.
01:17:01We'll be coming.
01:17:01Fire!
01:17:07And so the scene here is total carnage.
01:17:25To repeat, the infamous Bear Gang has been wiped out
01:17:30by a fierce firefight that utilized the combined efforts
01:17:33of local authorities and the state police.
01:17:36In addition, the report is that little Goldie Locks,
01:17:41who is known to have killed a dozen-plus people,
01:17:44was also consumed in the fray.
01:17:48There are a great many bodies found on the scene so far.
01:17:53And two coats.
01:17:56Okay, that'll be...
01:18:00I can't breathe!
01:18:01In addition, there are the following injuries.
01:18:04Seven of those...
01:18:06Twelve state police wounded...
01:18:09As well as...
01:18:11...
01:18:21...
01:18:21...
01:18:22And they all lived happily ever after.
01:18:47Though not everyone they came across was so lucky.
01:18:50Okay? No more stories?
01:18:54No more stories.
01:18:56Okay. Good night.
01:18:59Night.
01:19:08Uncle Mike?
01:19:20It's now the big moment.
01:19:45When we crown Miss Lude Bayonne.
01:19:52The murder is...
01:19:59Nah.
01:19:59I was leaning on an oak tree.
01:20:06I was looking pretty tough.
01:20:08When these kicking red sweatshirt jammies came by running through the rough.
01:20:12She was wearing hot pink Nikes as she sprinted through the wood.
01:20:17She had sexy thighs and her big blue eyes were peeking through her hood.
01:20:21Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:20:27Hey, you wear red.
01:20:29Why don't you wait for me?
01:20:32Did you hear what I said?
01:20:34Can you slow down, please?
01:20:36We don't have to run.
01:20:38We can have some fun.
01:20:40Honey, don't you really tease?
01:20:43I got a cold, wet nose, real flashy clothes, and I burn to be your pet.
01:20:52I got lonely pangs, so ignore my fangs.
01:20:57I ain't bit no one yet.
01:21:01But she said no.
01:21:02She just kept going, jogging down that trail.
01:21:07I'm no wolf.
01:21:07I never give up.
01:21:08Just a wolf after a tale.
01:21:10Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:21:16Hey, you wear red.
01:21:18Why don't you wait for me?
01:21:21Whoa, that red.
01:21:22Come on, slow down, please.
01:21:25You don't have to run.
01:21:27We can have some fun.
01:21:29Honey, don't you be a tease.
01:21:33I said, hey, cute pants.
01:21:36Give me a chance.
01:21:37Let me see what's in your basket.
01:21:40I'll be good to you.
01:21:44I'll do just what you want to do.
01:21:46All you got to do is ask it.
01:21:50I was grasping at straws.
01:21:53Spring my two back paws.
01:21:56I stumbled after her.
01:21:59So I yelled, I'm a wolf among men.
01:22:02Come on back to my den.
01:22:04Run your fingers through my foot.
01:22:07Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:22:13I hate you in red.
01:22:16Why can't you wait for me?
01:22:18Slow down that red.
01:22:20You know this ain't the Grand Prix.
01:22:23Forget your mama's advice.
01:22:25The wolves can be nice.
01:22:27Just wait up and you'll see.
01:22:30All right now, baby.
01:22:34Come on.
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