- 6/24/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
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00:32:48your departure until this evening so that i may match this formidable feast with a modest meal
00:32:55of my own the victor to be determined by the eminent culinary critic alexis chandler weinberg
00:33:02whose impeccable taste has only grown more precise and unforgiving over the years
00:33:09rose rose
00:33:14nine serving two
00:33:31you gotta trust me you don't have a prayer if you let me get under it like that
00:33:44you'll get that later right
00:33:50game point
00:34:01oh fuck
00:34:11i'm sorry i'll get it
00:34:13be my guest
00:34:15see all that pretty green stuff poison ivy
00:34:18ah clever
00:34:20cowardly's more likely
00:34:21all right all right put the knives away i'll get the goddamn birdies
00:34:25careful
00:34:27easy easy
00:34:40they'll get mad
00:34:41this thing feels like a goddamn brillo pad you'd be a man
00:34:44honey
00:34:46yep
00:34:59put some cream on my back
00:35:02Yep.
00:35:04You put some cream on my back.
00:35:09In a minute.
00:35:32Lower.
00:36:00What do you think you're doing?
00:36:01I'm going to play golf. What does it look like?
00:36:03Really? Thanks for warning me.
00:36:05What do you mean? I told you last week, where the hell's my club?
00:36:08No, you didn't.
00:36:09Well, actually, I did, but...
00:36:11Larry Cullen has Lasker teed up for me on the first hole,
00:36:15so I don't have time to play Alzheimer's poker with you.
00:36:17Ah, the famous Lasker deal.
00:36:19The one and only.
00:36:20What's it been now, sweetheart? Two years?
00:36:22Yeah, well, someone has to do the dirty work around here.
00:36:25Don't embarrass yourself, David.
00:36:28I think you're projecting.
00:36:30Listen, I got the lobsters.
00:36:32Why don't you dig up some steamers,
00:36:33and please don't forget the mushrooms.
00:36:36What's his name, by the way?
00:36:37Still zoned out in the hammock?
00:36:39Well, whatever.
00:36:40Have him run a comb through his hair.
00:36:42Larry might start buying for a scotch after golf.
00:36:47Put on some clothes, will you?
00:36:48Yes, sir.
00:36:49I love you.
00:36:54I love you.
00:36:55I love you.
00:36:56I love you.
00:36:57I love you.
00:36:59I love you.
00:37:00I love you.
00:37:01I love you.
00:37:03All right.
00:37:04You're a good one.
00:37:05That's all right.
00:37:06I love you.
00:37:09PIANO PLAYS
00:37:39PIANO PLAYS
00:38:09PIANO PLAYS
00:38:15PIANO PLAYS
00:38:16Sorry.
00:38:22I'm sorry. I just, uh, I came in here to shut my eyes for a while. That's all right.
00:38:27I didn't mean to wake you. I was just...
00:38:29no it's okay what time is it anyway about three where's uh david he's playing golf
00:38:38i think you might have left one of these by the hammock as well right i'll pick it up later
00:38:47looks like quarter collection yeah every once in a while i try to float something out there you
00:38:54know you're a writer no i wouldn't go that far mind if i take a peek i mean only if you don't like
00:39:03no
00:39:06why are all these in different handwriting
00:39:21it's because different people wrote them but i thought you said that well no they're they're
00:39:27my words i just i just don't write them myself oh you might have asked why because i never really
00:39:35learned how that's right oh that's very funny i hope the transcriber wasn't a noun i don't think so
00:39:47check the bottom corner
00:39:48sandy diamond
00:39:53oh randy right sweet fella ran a scuba clinic in des moores
00:39:58a scuba clinic in des moores
00:40:00you should have seen the ashram in vegas
00:40:03i think i'll pass
00:40:04you're gonna get that later right
00:40:08can i get you something are you hungry no thanks but if you need anything just let me know
00:40:28that's how a honeymoon in capri i look awful
00:40:38we got that from a street dealer in prague said it belonged to mussolini
00:40:54my dad shot that in kenya
00:41:14my dad shot that in kenya
00:41:20what's this from
00:41:27what's this from
00:41:31what's this from
00:41:35what's this from
00:41:40you don't mind do you
00:41:41no not at all help yourself
00:41:47what's this from
00:41:54what's this from
00:41:56what's this from
00:41:58what's this from
00:41:59what's this from
00:42:00what's this from
00:42:01what's this from
00:42:02what's this from
00:42:03what's this from
00:42:04what's this from
00:42:05what's this from
00:42:06what's this from
00:42:07what's this from
00:42:08So anyway, Louise drags me to Harrods to pick up all my newborn in school stuff.
00:42:13And I absolutely fall in love with these horrid red pumps.
00:42:18Nine years old.
00:42:19Ten, thank you very much.
00:42:21So anyway, the big day comes and I'm all packed up and I'm waiting in the car to take me to the airport to pick up Mummy,
00:42:26who had a connecting flight from Munich to get me off to school before lunch.
00:42:30When all of a sudden, Lulu starts reading the Bible to me.
00:42:36Who's Lulu?
00:42:37Oh, she was the new nanny Clarice got fired the week before I left.
00:42:40Why?
00:42:41I don't know, something or other she drank.
00:42:44Anyway, when we got to the airport, I was so excited.
00:42:48I ran like a madman to meet Mummy at the gate.
00:42:51But instead of hugs and kisses, all I got was a dead, cold glare.
00:43:00Not a big fan of red pumps.
00:43:06What?
00:43:07You're in!
00:43:20Ow, ow, I'm out, I can't move.
00:43:22Ah.
00:43:23Sorry, you all right?
00:43:24You better be, you're ready to suck it to it.
00:43:30Push!
00:43:31I'll get right there, partner.
00:43:47My name's Tex, what's yours?
00:44:04Wilma.
00:44:08That's funny, you don't look like a Wilma to me.
00:44:10Oh, yeah?
00:44:12What do I look like?
00:44:15I think you look more...
00:44:20like a Marilyn.
00:44:26All right, you got me.
00:44:28Yeah, I think I do.
00:44:32I think I got you, too.
00:44:33I don't know.
00:44:35Oh, yeah?
00:44:36And how's that, Miss Monroe?
00:44:40Because your name's not Tex.
00:44:42It's not?
00:44:43What is it, then?
00:44:45Jack.
00:44:48Jack?
00:44:48Happy birthday to you.
00:44:59Happy birthday to you.
00:45:08Happy birthday, Mr. President.
00:45:12Happy birthday to you.
00:45:30Ready?
00:45:33Hello.
00:45:34Last of months.
00:45:36I'm sorry.
00:45:37Can I ask you a favor?
00:45:40Sure.
00:45:41What is it?
00:45:42I got a little something on the tip of my tongue.
00:45:45Do you mind helping me out before it slips away?
00:45:49Okay, sure.
00:46:04Shoot.
00:46:07It's funny.
00:46:09It's funny.
00:46:10Your worst nightmare.
00:46:10Your worst nightmare always seems so far away.
00:46:12Is this it?
00:46:16Sorry.
00:46:19It's funny.
00:46:20But then, all of a sudden, there it is.
00:46:32Like a monstrous tidal wave.
00:46:35You try to escape.
00:46:36You try to escape.
00:46:36You try to escape.
00:46:40But you can't.
00:46:45You struggle.
00:46:46You struggle.
00:46:46You struggle.
00:46:48You struggle.
00:46:48You struggle.
00:46:50You struggle.
00:46:50You're desperate cries unheard.
00:46:55When something strange happens.
00:47:00When something strange happens.
00:47:06You stop struggling.
00:47:07You stop struggling.
00:47:11Your cries take flight.
00:47:15You forget you're drowning.
00:47:16You're, uh, you're John Hancock.
00:47:27We can go.
00:47:28We can go.
00:47:35How'd you and David meet each other, anyway?
00:47:37I lost my mind for a few years after college.
00:47:40And he saved me.
00:47:42Sounds like a good deal.
00:47:43I hope we get lucky.
00:48:03So where are they?
00:48:05Be patient.
00:48:06It's not so simple.
00:48:08When they're here, they're hidden.
00:48:11When they're not, you think they are.
00:48:18They're clever.
00:48:19They're fickle.
00:48:22They feel you coming, then they hide.
00:48:26Hey.
00:48:36Not bad.
00:48:38But guess what?
00:48:39What?
00:48:39You killed it.
00:48:43You have to break it off above the ball.
00:48:45Otherwise, no more can grow.
00:48:47But you have great instincts.
00:48:49So, Chanterelle, David's going to love you.
00:48:51I'm in love with you.
00:49:05I mean, I know it's kind of sudden, but now that I've laid my eyes on you, well, it's just all over.
00:49:15I wouldn't do that.
00:49:17I wouldn't do that if I were you.
00:49:18I wouldn't do that if I were you.
00:49:18I wouldn't do that.
00:49:22I wouldn't do that.
00:49:22The Amanitas muscarius is a rare coastal mushroom originally used by the Iroquois to combat red malaria.
00:49:31It also happens to be a highly potent aphrodisiac.
00:49:36And then there's its infamous sister, the Amanita rubinica, affectionately known as the purple Julie.
00:49:43It'll kill you in less than a minute.
00:49:46But guess what they both have in common?
00:49:48What?
00:49:49They're twins.
00:49:52How can you tell them apart?
00:49:55Purple Julie, purple poison.
00:49:58The Amanita muscarius.
00:50:01The Aphrodisiac.
00:50:03Right.
00:50:04How do you know so much about mushrooms?
00:50:07My father.
00:50:09He used to drag me out here from when I could walk and go on and on about their differences and their histories, their flavors, their powers, everything.
00:50:18Should have seen his eyes when he talked about them.
00:50:21It was pure magic.
00:50:23Does he still come out here?
00:50:26He committed suicide when I was eight.
00:50:29I'm sorry.
00:50:30Won't be.
00:50:31He's better off.
00:50:33What about your mom?
00:50:35We don't speak.
00:50:37Why's that?
00:50:38She hates David.
00:50:40Again?
00:50:54What are you doing?
00:51:24Behave.
00:51:35I am behaving.
00:51:54No.
00:52:19Let's go, it's getting late.
00:52:24Are you coming?
00:52:28Well I have to be getting back.
00:52:35Look, I just want to tell you, I'd just like to say...
00:52:51Hello?
00:52:52Hi honey.
00:52:53How'd it go with Lasker?
00:52:54You've been gone forever.
00:52:58David, are you okay?
00:53:00Yeah.
00:53:01It's just...
00:53:02I guess I had some bad clams.
00:53:03Yeah, clams?
00:53:04After golf, but I got clams for dinner.
00:53:05I know.
00:53:06Why'd you only get two lobsters?
00:53:07Why'd you only get two lobsters?
00:53:08Well I just...
00:53:09Because I didn't think that I'd want any dinner because of the clams.
00:53:10Oh right.
00:53:11What happened to Larry?
00:53:12What happened to Larry?
00:53:13He didn't come back with you?
00:53:14No, I didn't.
00:53:15I said to say hi.
00:53:16Hi from Lasker.
00:53:17I should sit down.
00:53:18I should sit down.
00:53:19I should sit down.
00:53:20How'd you get here?
00:53:21How'd you get here?
00:53:22How'd you get here?
00:53:23How'd you get here?
00:53:24Well, I just...
00:53:26I don't know.
00:53:27I'd like to say hi.
00:53:28I've got clams for dinner.
00:53:29I know.
00:53:30Why'd you only get two lobsters?
00:53:31Well, I just...
00:53:32Because I didn't think that I'd want any dinner.
00:53:33Because of the clams.
00:53:34Oh right.
00:53:35What happened to Larry?
00:53:36He didn't come back with you?
00:53:37No, I didn't.
00:53:38I said to say hi.
00:53:39Hi from Lasker.
00:53:40Lasker too.
00:53:44I should sit down.
00:53:54Honey, I...
00:53:55I think I need a compress.
00:53:56Will you go into the kitchen and get me a wet closet?
00:53:59Look, Lex.
00:54:00He doesn't know where anything is.
00:54:02I'll go.
00:54:10You've got a very loyal wife.
00:54:16Listen, I don't think tonight's such a good night for this fruit showdown.
00:54:19So, I'm gonna put him to bed and I'll run you over to Ellesboro, okay?
00:54:26She may be right.
00:54:28We should probably take her engine.
00:54:33Okay, but I gotta say...
00:54:35I was kinda looking forward to the challenge.
00:54:41You know what, Syl, isn't it?
00:54:43I...
00:54:44In fact, I think that a warm shower and cold drink will be right back into the swing of it.
00:54:51David, I really don't think...
00:54:52Exactly.
00:54:53Don't think.
00:54:54Drink.
00:54:55It's amazing, David.
00:55:08It's amazing, David.
00:55:26No.
00:55:29So, did you two have a good day?
00:55:33Again, the grand tour.
00:55:42I didn't like it.
00:55:45It's nice.
00:55:46good luck thanks for everything see you on 20. call the phone company it's still out
00:56:00done yeah this is for you how about that thoughtful i made it here it's very nice thank you
00:56:16so
00:56:46what are you doing back here is everything okay where's david we got in a little uh
00:56:57he's outside closing up or something you got in a little what jam boat died
00:57:04had to paddle back i'm sorry i'll be right back do you need anything seaplane would be nice
00:57:16there you are you poor thing what happened the boat conked out halfway there it was a nightmare i know
00:57:45i heard did you yes i did so i guess james dean's gonna be making himself at home again well we
00:57:51could always call michael mary what are we gonna scream across the bay right the phone why is this
00:57:57all my fault david do you think i want him here i don't know do you no i don't good that makes two of
00:58:02you know i look at you
00:58:13and it's funny you don't remind me of myself exactly
00:58:19but you remind me of a certain time i remember what i used to think love was then and that was the
00:58:31fireworks the explosions the highlights
00:58:39but it's not
00:58:45it's time to go through the seasons together through change through the ups and downs
00:59:00to be able to look your beloved in the eye and say
00:59:09we did that together as one we chose each other above all others
00:59:27that's love it's unexplainable it's a secret that can only be known once you've done the time
00:59:50it's nice what you said downstairs
01:00:00i meant it
01:00:05what a weekend huh
01:00:12you're telling me
01:00:13sorry i left you alone today
01:00:20don't worry
01:00:22sorry everything was okay
01:00:26yeah you know
01:00:28you weren't bored or anything
01:00:32no not especially
01:00:34i mean i i wasn't not bored but i'm glad you got to do what you wanted
01:00:41good
01:00:48just as long as you weren't bored
01:00:54yeah
01:00:55you yeah
01:01:01yeah
01:01:05yeah
01:01:08yeah
01:01:14yeah
01:01:19does it matter?
01:01:24What is wrong?
01:01:27Look in the mirror.
01:01:30Oh.
01:01:32Christ.
01:01:32Do you want me to put some kaerimai in there?
01:01:38What's wrong?
01:01:40Look in the mirror.
01:01:47Do you want me to put some caramel on?
01:01:49No.
01:01:50Take this out.
01:01:56How long have you been up?
01:01:58I know about an hour.
01:02:01Are you ready?
01:02:03Almost.
01:02:04Are you?
01:02:08You've got over an hour.
01:02:11What's your watch?
01:02:13I'm not wearing it.
01:02:14You always wear it.
01:02:15I'm not today.
01:02:23So, where's our little friend?
01:02:26Outside, I think.
01:02:32I'd better check on the boat.
01:02:33It's done.
01:02:35What do you mean it's done?
01:02:37You did it.
01:02:38What?
01:02:39This morning.
01:02:42Said it was a loose spark.
01:02:45Speak of the devil.
01:02:51Morning, David.
01:02:52To be ready in a minute.
01:02:54Cool.
01:02:56What'll be ready in a minute?
01:02:58I said...
01:02:59You should.
01:03:00It was still wet this morning.
01:03:02Don't you have another one?
01:03:04Nope.
01:03:07Don't.
01:03:08It's going to spread.
01:03:09Where else can it spread?
01:03:14I'll just go and see if your shirt's ready.
01:03:20I like your face.
01:03:21Here.
01:03:24Watch.
01:03:25The face is cold.
01:03:30Alexis gave that to me.
01:03:32It's beautiful.
01:03:34Oh, we fixed the phone, by the way.
01:03:36Alexis and me.
01:03:37What do you want?
01:03:38This morning she woke me up and asked me to hold two wires together while she taped.
01:03:44Any calls?
01:03:48Thanks.
01:03:49I hear you're quite the mechanic.
01:03:51Oh, it was nothing.
01:03:52It was just a cable cut out back.
01:03:53It was probably a raccoon's.
01:03:55Good for you.
01:03:56Any calls?
01:03:57No, but there were two messages in Boston.
01:03:58Larry Cohen said Laska looks 50-50 and Tom Reynolds is desperate for squash.
01:04:02So I was desperate for something.
01:04:03Did you call anybody?
01:04:04No, why?
01:04:07No reason.
01:04:08I was just wondering if it was calling out or not.
01:04:10Of course it's calling out.
01:04:11How do you think I checked the machine telepathy?
01:04:18Yeah?
01:04:20Would you like anything?
01:04:21All right.
01:04:22No, nothing.
01:04:23Come on, you've got to have something.
01:04:24What about a banana?
01:04:26A dab of milk would be nice.
01:04:28Sir?
01:04:29Is everything okay?
01:04:30Yes.
01:04:31Okay.
01:04:32Bye.
01:04:33Who was it?
01:04:34Mike.
01:04:35Oh, good.
01:04:36Are you coming by?
01:04:37Still in Portland with Mary's mother.
01:04:38They'll be back tomorrow.
01:04:39Mary says hi.
01:04:40What's so funny?
01:04:41I don't know.
01:04:42I don't know.
01:04:43Couples, I guess.
01:04:44Couples.
01:04:45Maybe someday you'll look in the mirror and have a snicker or two of yourself.
01:05:05Come on, David.
01:05:09there it comes
01:05:13I have one
01:05:17you always have a banana
01:05:19well today I'm not having a banana
01:05:20so the next time you feel the need to generalize
01:05:22you can say you almost always have a banana
01:05:25thank you David
01:05:27maybe I won't say anything at all
01:05:29have a cigarette please
01:05:39there's more in the fridge
01:05:46would you like a glass sweetheart
01:06:07would you like a glass David
01:06:08no I wouldn't but thank you
01:06:11are your hands dirty
01:06:18excuse me
01:06:23I was just wondering why you were cleaning a clean glass
01:06:26I thought maybe it was because your hands were dirty
01:06:28I don't know what kind of poison is flowing through your veins this morning
01:06:32but whatever it is keep it to yourself
01:06:34sorry about this
01:06:37I know this isn't as much fun as the boathouse
01:06:39but then life isn't all cowboys and Indians is it
01:06:43is it
01:06:48what in God's name are you trying to accomplish
01:06:51it's not too bright in here for you
01:06:56honey would you close the shades for him
01:06:58you know how much he likes the shades closed in the middle of the day
01:07:01all right
01:07:06I'll do it
01:07:07oops
01:07:11well I was just trying to set the right mood
01:07:15you know what David I think maybe you should go outside and take a walk and cool down the water
01:07:18should I
01:07:20well well wouldn't that be convenient especially if I kept walking and then you and Valentino here could call all your little friends and maybe even dear old mommy if she'll take the call and you can let them know that that selfish bastard with his endless mood swings and depressions is gone once and for all the gold digging kike squanders the family millions and makes everyone so miserable is finally out of the picture wouldn't that be a relief
01:07:25no more deadbeat days no more sleepless nights no more David Weinberg wouldn't that be a dream
01:07:42feel so sorry for you right now
01:07:43yeah you better feel sorry for me who wouldn't be a dream
01:07:46you better feel sorry for me who wouldn't be a dream
01:07:50see I'm sorry for you right now
01:07:54You'd better feel sorry for me. Who wouldn't feel sorry for me?
01:07:56Seven years stuck in a coffin with you.
01:08:10Coffin.
01:08:13Coffin.
01:08:17Are you sure you wanted to say that, David?
01:08:20I was sure the day I married.
01:08:25I just didn't have the courage to admit it.
01:08:35Have I gone too far?
01:08:40Should I not be honest?
01:08:46There she goes. There's the Lexi Chandler we all know and love.
01:08:49When in doubt shut him out. Shut. Shut up. Shut him.
01:08:53Shut, shut him up. Shut, shut him up. Shut, shut. Shut him up.
01:08:58Shut, shut. Shut him up till all the doors were closed.
01:09:00And she's dragged us down into her coffin just like Daddy.
01:09:03Daddy!
01:09:11Get out.
01:09:15Get out!
01:09:19Get out!
01:09:22Get out!
01:09:30Get out.
01:09:34Excuse me.
01:09:39Get out.
01:10:04David, no!
01:10:05David, no!
01:10:06David!
01:10:17David!
01:10:18David!
01:10:48David!
01:11:04David!
01:11:16Oh, my God.
01:11:46She's all yours, Lachlan.
01:11:51Get off my island, David.
01:11:55Your island.
01:11:57My island.
01:12:00Alas.
01:12:03The wolf sheds her womb.
01:12:07Alas.
01:12:16The wolf sheds her womb.
01:12:21The wolf sheds her womb.
01:12:25The wolf sheds her womb.
01:12:31The wolf sheds her womb.
01:12:36The wolf sheds her womb.
01:12:40The wolf sheds her womb.
01:12:44The wolf sheds her womb.
01:12:51Are you okay?
01:12:54Where is he?
01:12:57Gone.
01:12:59Did you call the police?
01:13:02No.
01:13:05No cops.
01:13:07No cops.
01:13:17Oh.
01:13:18What are we going to do with that?
01:13:48What are we going to do with that?
01:14:18What are we going to do with that?
01:14:48What are we going to do with that?
01:15:18What are we going to do with that?
01:15:20What are we going to do with that?
01:15:22What are we going to do with that?
01:15:24What are we going to do with that?
01:15:26What are we going to do with that?
01:15:28What are we going to do with that?
01:15:30Those are the parting words of a unique and courageous woman for whom the struggles of life have become too much to bear.
01:15:40Let me implore you, however, amidst your sorrow, to remember little Lexi Chandler, the incarnation of pure innocence and wondrous joy bound in barefoot along the rocky shores of Dark Harbor.
01:15:59What are we going to do with that?
01:16:01What are we going to do with that?
01:16:05What are we going to do with that?
01:16:07What are we going to do with that?
01:16:09What are we going to do with that?
01:16:11What are we going to do with that?
01:16:15What are we going to do with that?
01:16:16What are we going to do with that?
01:16:18That was a beautiful service, Paul.
01:16:48David.
01:17:02Alexis.
01:17:06Take off the glasses, David.
01:17:19Her suicide note.
01:17:31Thank you for coming.
01:17:48And we'll see you in the next video.
01:17:55A little bit more.
01:17:57A little bit more.
01:18:00A little bit more.
01:18:03A little bit more.
01:18:06A little bit more.
01:18:09A little bit more.
01:18:12Come on, David.
01:18:13ORGAN PLAYS
01:18:43ORGAN PLAYS
01:19:13ORGAN PLAYS
01:19:43ORGAN PLAYS
01:19:47ORGAN PLAYS
01:19:51ORGAN PLAYS
01:19:54ORGAN PLAYS
01:20:00Finally.
01:20:24How are you?
01:20:29I've had some bad nights.
01:20:35Well, I'm here now.
01:20:41That's...
01:20:44all I wanted.
01:20:48You proved it.
01:20:54I hope so.
01:20:59I have to pack the bullet here.
01:21:02That's a good find.
01:21:04I'm gonna go now.
01:21:07I've been to the bathroom.
01:21:08I haven't been to the bathroom.
01:21:11I think this is the bathroom all over the place.
01:21:15I have to go for a while.
01:21:18I'm just kidding.
01:21:19I'm not gonna pay attention.
01:21:21I'll pay attention to the bathroom.
01:21:23I don't know.
01:21:53I don't know.
01:22:23I don't know.
01:22:53I don't know.
01:23:23I don't know.
01:23:53I don't know.
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