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Short Tales
  • 6/22/2025
#ShowFilm98
#UgliestHouseAmerica
Transcript
00:00Let me guess, you came here to get a gander at the beautiful houses, didn't you?
00:07I feel like I have to remind you once again, this is ugliest house in America, people.
00:12The ugly is back, and it is back with a vengeance.
00:19It's a death row!
00:22It looks like Jabba the Hutt in the corner. Terrible!
00:25What is going on? You're gonna find out.
00:29Yeah!
00:31We've already crowned the most hideous in the Midwest.
00:34I don't even need to, like, point things out. It's all right at you.
00:39The worst of the Great Lakes.
00:42Creepy critters live in the rugs for sure.
00:46I'm afraid to touch the wall.
00:48Mid-Atlantic region, show us what you got.
00:50Nothing for you!
00:52With the beautiful Appalachian Mountains, gorgeous coastlines, and some of the most popular cities in the country, the Mid-Atlantic region is one of a kind.
01:04And now it's time to see if their ugly is, too.
01:07My first stop brings me to a small town in upstate New York called Sherburn.
01:12I am here to meet Naren and Ram and find out if they indeed have the ugliest house in America.
01:20I will say they have the most aggressive front yard.
01:30There are dragons.
01:32It's a lot!
01:33It's Reda!
01:34It is!
01:35So good to see you!
01:36Hi!
01:37Hi!
01:38Hi Purple!
01:39How are you?
01:40We are so excited to show you our ugly house, so come on in!
01:41I'd like to see your ugly house!
01:42I know!
01:43What is happening right here?
01:58And I'm standing on a...
02:00It's a tail!
02:01What is...
02:02You're gonna find out!
02:04I'm Maren, this is Ram, and we bought a house with a dragon staircase.
02:15We didn't look at any normal houses.
02:18We looked at a long list of bizarre properties, and I knew this was gonna be the house.
02:24It just felt like home right away.
02:26But it's become the stuff of nightmares.
02:29The walls are covered in wild paint colors.
02:36There is a giant hole in the floor, and so, so many spiders ran over our heads.
02:42It looked like a beautiful challenge.
02:45I don't know how to do all the things I need to do to fix it.
02:49What is going on?
02:51So many things.
02:52I mean, obviously this is the first thing I see.
02:55It looks like Jabba the Hutt in the corner.
02:57That was a water feature, and when we bought the house, I found out it was leaking on the
03:01electrical panel in the basement down there.
03:03It looks like...
03:06Poop!
03:08I just want a floor.
03:10Yeah!
03:11I don't live here and I just want a floor.
03:13Holy cow.
03:14I don't even know that we need to leave this room.
03:17Where to next?
03:18We're going that way.
03:20It gets better.
03:21This is the bathroom?
03:26Yeah, it was their main bathroom.
03:28This used to be the primary bedroom.
03:31I am dying.
03:33We have a bath where the drain has been tiled over that used to host two turtles and four live koi.
03:39We rehomed them.
03:40So they turned it into a pond.
03:42Yeah.
03:43Any little minute.
03:44I need a minute.
03:45Did they take a lot off of the house?
03:48We had to go up.
03:50There was a bidding war?
03:52There was a bidding war.
03:53It was on the market for three days.
03:57What?
03:58You guys, this is madness.
04:01Let's head over to the kitchen.
04:04This does not look like a functional space.
04:08It's not.
04:09Why is this right here?
04:13It's obstructive.
04:14Yeah.
04:15Beautiful wood though.
04:16Yeah.
04:17It's got great woodwork.
04:19That definitely helped sell us on the place.
04:21Yeah.
04:22So the well.
04:23Uh, why is there a well?
04:26Most older houses in this area had one.
04:29There's spider webs in here.
04:31What is going on?
04:32The spiders just crawl up from the sub's basement.
04:34When we moved in, I was killing 40 spiders a day.
04:38Let's go upstairs.
04:39Okay.
04:40I can't wait to see the other end of this.
04:41Tail.
04:42Ah!
04:43It's not for me, but it's interesting.
04:44So this is the guest bedroom.
04:45And I'm guessing it was painted like this before.
04:46Oh, yes.
04:47It's got kind of a post-apocalyptic feel.
04:48A little bit.
04:49And this is the closet.
04:50Oh, it's a bathroom.
04:51This is the closest thing to a primary suite.
04:52You'll notice there's a gap in the room.
04:53Oh, I can't wait to see the other end of this.
04:54I can't wait to see the other end of this.
04:55I can't wait to see the other end of this.
04:56I can't wait to see the other end of this.
04:57I can't wait to see the other end of this.
04:58It's not for me, but it's interesting.
04:59I can't wait to see the other end of this bedroom.
05:00And I'm guessing it was painted like this before.
05:02Oh, yes.
05:03It's got kind of a post-apocalyptic feel.
05:05A little bit.
05:06And this is the closet.
05:08Oh, it's a bathroom.
05:09This is the closest thing to a primary suite.
05:12You'll notice there's a gap around the tub at the top.
05:16Yeah.
05:17When you fill it with water, it sinks about an inch.
05:19I expect that someday I'm going to go plunging down.
05:23And you're going to be very vulnerable when it happens.
05:27Oh, yeah.
05:28I'm not getting in that tub, that's for sure.
05:32The main bedroom.
05:33The new main.
05:35The new main bedroom.
05:37First of all, it's a hobbit door.
05:39And then you've got to step down into the bedroom.
05:46There are a lot of dragons.
05:51It is legit in here.
05:53Yeah.
05:54What's the spider situation in here?
05:56This is my place of semi-safety.
05:57We hang out in here a lot.
05:58Yeah.
05:59Yeah.
06:00But here, would you like a spider sword?
06:01I'm going to use it to protect myself on the way out.
06:04So you're one of three semi-finalists in the Midland region.
06:11If you move to the next round, you will be that much closer to a $150,000 renovation by Alice and Victoria.
06:21Perfection.
06:22Thank you for showing me your home.
06:23Thank you for showing me your home.
06:24Good luck, guys.
06:28That was spiders and dragons on stairs.
06:32Oh, my.
06:33Appearance.
06:34There are dragons everywhere.
06:36And the main entrance is mainly a bizarre broken water feature with a giant ditch.
06:43Functionally, that kitchen is a mess.
06:46Not only is the oven and stove in the middle of the room, but there's a well filled with spider webs.
06:55The surprise.
06:56They won a bidding war for this house.
06:59I think they kind of love it, if I'm honest.
07:02Wow.
07:03Mid-Atlantic.
07:05You're in the running.
07:07Next up in the Mid-Atlantic region, I'm heading to a quaint little suburb just outside of Philly, Upper Darvey.
07:17For you history buffs out there, you know that Philadelphia was our first nation's capital.
07:22I'm here to meet Justine and see if we can add the title of ugliest house in America to the area's legacy.
07:33I'm guessing it's ugly inside.
07:36Okay.
07:37Okay.
07:38Okay.
07:39Okay.
07:40Okay.
07:41Justine.
07:42Hi.
07:43This isn't you.
07:44No.
07:45The person who used to own the home before used to run out to artists.
07:50Okay.
07:51And they kind of made the home their own art collage.
07:55What on earth?
07:56What?
07:57What?
07:58What?
07:59What?
08:00What?
08:01What?
08:02What?
08:03What?
08:04What?
08:05What?
08:06What?
08:07What?
08:08What?
08:09What?
08:10What?
08:11What?
08:12What?
08:13What?
08:14What?
08:15What?
08:16What?
08:17What?
08:18What?
08:19What?
08:20What?
08:21What?
08:22Good?
08:23What?
08:24I am Justine.
08:25I live in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania and I have the ugliest house in America.
08:28On the outside, there's a lot of stairs.
08:31And then you walk in and you're kind of like, what did I walk into?
08:36The previous owner used to let different artists
08:39have free reign of the house.
08:40I have bottles just embedded in the walls,
08:43broken tile all over the floor.
08:45There are just mirrors and doors everywhere.
08:48It's weird.
08:49I bought this house because it was very spacious.
08:52I knew a lot of stuff were eyesores, but I said,
08:54I can fix those later.
08:57OK, Jasine, this is your home.
08:59Yes.
09:00We have some stained glass,
09:03and we've got some masking tape still on here.
09:06This is a map of, well, kind of Upper Derby,
09:11kind of Mexico, kind of Canada.
09:17Wow.
09:18There was some incomplete project.
09:19Over here?
09:20Yeah, what is that?
09:21You can take a look.
09:22God.
09:23I don't like just opening doors.
09:26Oh, look at that.
09:27This is a bathroom?
09:28Yes.
09:29You walk into the house into a bathroom.
09:32And it's got a door for a roof of the bath.
09:37This is something.
09:38Yeah.
09:39I can't ever say that I've seen a door
09:42used as a drop ceiling before.
09:44Who knew?
09:45Let's go see the rest.
09:47This is the living room slash dining room.
09:50Oh, look.
09:51We've got a kiddie condo.
09:53We've got an office.
09:54Yeah.
09:55Woo!
09:56Hello, mirrors.
09:58It's on the brick.
10:00Yeah.
10:03Wowzers.
10:05That is extra.
10:08So next, we can go to the kitchen.
10:11All right.
10:16What is this?
10:18Mirrors, mirrors everywhere.
10:21My favorite part of the house.
10:28Justine!
10:29This is your favorite.
10:31It's all ugly.
10:32I will admit.
10:33It's taking up too much space.
10:34Too much?
10:35Is there...
10:37Too much?
10:38It's like layers of resin with coins and bills from different countries and tarot cards and trash.
10:46There's some storage.
10:49There's some storage.
10:54There's a better way to do this.
10:55I know.
10:58The kitchen is a hot mess.
11:00Okay.
11:01Can I go in there?
11:02Yes.
11:03Sunwind.
11:04Take a look.
11:06It is a mix-matched space.
11:11Are those bottles in the wall?
11:13Yes.
11:15Perfume.
11:16Yes.
11:17Let's see what's over here.
11:19Yeah.
11:20So if you ever want to grill.
11:21Oh.
11:22My.
11:23Good.
11:24I have never.
11:26Me either.
11:28Me either.
11:29By the way, this is not stained glass.
11:32No.
11:33I can't believe she let me believe that that was stained glass for so long.
11:36We have some stained glass.
11:40It's stained plastic.
11:42Okay.
11:43Where are we at next?
11:44Downstairs.
11:45Okay.
11:46To the basement.
11:48This is mirror city.
11:51What is going on down here?
11:53There's so many doors.
11:55That's part of their decor is the doors.
11:57Yes.
11:58Why so many doors?
12:01Doors in the ceiling.
12:02Doors in the walls.
12:04No rooms.
12:05Just doors.
12:07I definitely want to change this space.
12:09I'm not going to lie about that.
12:11I want to change it.
12:13Bathroom is nice.
12:14She just said the bathroom is nice.
12:16Let me go check.
12:22You guys.
12:24It is nonsense in here.
12:26It is.
12:27It is.
12:30Is that a beehive?
12:31Yeah.
12:33As decor.
12:35Mm-hmm.
12:39Bottles.
12:40Is there a method to the madness?
12:42There is no method.
12:43It's just madness.
12:45Okay.
12:46One more thing I want you to see in the garage.
12:48Okay.
12:52Turn over here.
12:56And in here.
12:58What are we doing?
12:59I hate them.
13:00I'm so mad at them.
13:01Yeah.
13:04Keep asking for your visitors.
13:06Because your house gives me a headache.
13:09Thank you for showing me your home.
13:10Now I am going to make my way out of here.
13:13Because it makes me dizzy.
13:16Appreciate you.
13:18You too.
13:24That was the collage barrage.
13:28The appearance is a giant collage of randomness.
13:32And everywhere you turn, there's something that makes no sense.
13:35Why?
13:37Functionally, in the kitchen, that middle table, too big.
13:42And nobody's going to want to use those bathrooms.
13:44Even with their unique drop ceilings.
13:47The surprise is, they actually put bottles and concrete up.
13:52They thought that was cute.
13:54It ain't.
13:56Mid-Atlantic.
13:57You're a mess.
14:00For the last stop on our tour of the Mid-Atlantic,
14:02we're going to head north to New York's Hudson Valley
14:06to the village of Goshen.
14:08Located 50 miles outside of New York City,
14:11the small town of Goshen
14:13is home to the oldest horse racing track
14:16still in use in the U.S.
14:18I'm here to meet Brian and Merrick.
14:21I'm also here to judge their home.
14:26Better be ugly on the inside.
14:32Goshen Restoration Unlimited.
14:37Hey, Retta.
14:39Hi.
14:40Welcome.
14:41How are you?
14:43Apparently, you have an ugly house.
14:45I have to say, not from the outside.
14:47Well, you'll have to see it for yourself.
14:48Come on in.
14:50All right.
14:51Well, we have some lovely tile.
14:54I saw outside there's like a restoration plaque.
14:57So the former owner of the Historic Preservation Society
15:01gave him an award for doing the preservation on the outside.
15:04But the inside is a little bit...
15:08Eccentric.
15:09Different, yeah.
15:10My name is Brian.
15:11This is my brother, Merrick.
15:12We live in Goshen, New York,
15:13and an eccentric Victorian.
15:14And we both love old houses.
15:15So the moment we walked in the door,
15:16I think we both really fell in love with it.
15:18We were drawn to the quirkiness,
15:19and there's a lot of history that you can see within it.
15:22Previous owner lived here for about 50 years.
15:24He was very involved with Broadway set design,
15:25so you can see that throughout the house.
15:28There's a lot of crazy stuff going on here.
15:30I do see the rug in that room.
15:31All right, let's, let's hit the rug room.
15:32Yeah, let's go.
15:33Let's go.
15:34Let's go.
15:35Wowser.
15:59I love a chandelier.
16:00I love a chandelier.
16:01This one's a lot.
16:03Yeah, I mean, it kind of has a disco ball hanging down.
16:05It does!
16:09Spotlight on David.
16:11Yeah.
16:14David, it's your time to shine!
16:17Yeah.
16:18Okay, what else are we going to say?
16:19Why don't we head across the hall?
16:20Okay.
16:23Look at this rug.
16:26This one is so weird, I like it.
16:30The walls, however.
16:32I'm sorry.
16:34There's something behind there.
16:36Wallpaper or something.
16:38Yeah, I didn't realize.
16:39I actually never noticed that.
16:40He was extra.
16:41What's next?
16:42Next is in the bathroom, right down the hall.
16:46Ooh.
16:48Look at this bathroom.
16:52This is a lot.
16:53A little awkwardly designed from, like, the functional part.
16:57Yeah.
16:57It is very difficult to maneuver in here.
17:00It's Victorian-esque.
17:02It's Victorian-like.
17:05It's Victorian-ish.
17:08It's Victorian-ski.
17:11We'll go upstairs.
17:14Okay.
17:18This is on this landing.
17:19That's the worst cherub.
17:23That way.
17:25Whoa.
17:28Wow, look at this wallpaper.
17:30Yeah, the color I don't really love in here.
17:32You know?
17:33The brown and kind of coral.
17:37Yeah.
17:37The carpet really throws it on love.
17:40Yeah.
17:40Hey, Abe.
17:41That came with the house, so we just left him.
17:44In case someone calls.
17:45Oh, gosh, there's one more floor.
17:46The grand finale.
17:47Oh, my goodness.
17:56So there's a lot of theatrics in this room.
17:59I mean, you can host a rent fair up here.
18:03What is that about?
18:07That's a crazy clown.
18:08Where does that go, the stairs?
18:15That actually goes to the roof.
18:17Oh, my God.
18:19It's blue up there.
18:21Yep, we call that the moon room.
18:23This is crazy bananas.
18:27It is busy.
18:29Thank you for showing me your home.
18:32Wish you good luck.
18:34Thank you for joining us, sir.
18:37Thanks for stopping by.
18:38Have a good one.
18:38I feel compelled to call this house Ghosh in Ghoshin.
18:49The appearance.
18:51It's an overwhelming cacophony of cherubs and chandeliers.
18:55No, thank you.
18:56Let's talk about the function.
18:58It's relatively functional because it's a really big space.
19:01The coffin bathroom, that's the one that's probably a little problematic.
19:06The surprise?
19:08The attic.
19:09Every bit of it.
19:11Upstairs was like, hello, hello, hello, hello.
19:13Here I am.
19:14Aggressive.
19:16The mid-Atlantic is really showing off its goods.
19:20So many goods.
19:23The mid-Atlantic wasn't so mid when it came to ugly,
19:27but only one can be chosen as the ugliest in the region.
19:31Mid-Atlantic region, you had a dazzling display of ugly
19:37that made me question my sanity.
19:40Okay, okay, okay.
19:42It's a lot.
19:43And while all three contenders kept the ugly coming,
19:46only one house can move to the finals.
19:50Mid-Atlantic, you're a mess.
19:53It's between a spider-filled dragon's lair
19:56with a water feature that's more like a bottomless pit.
19:59It looks like Jabba the Hutt in the corner.
20:02An art collage of madness
20:03where showing someone the door takes on a whole new meaning.
20:07What is going on down here?
20:10And a theatrical Victorian
20:12with an interior that's overdramatic.
20:15I mean, you can host a rent fair up here.
20:18What is that about?
20:20It's that time again.
20:24I get to tell a lucky homeowner
20:26they are the ugliest house in their region.
20:38Hi, Justine, how are you?
20:40All right, how are you?
20:41I'm okay because I wanted to call and tell you
20:44that you have the ugliest house in the Mid-Atlantic region.
20:47So if you move further,
20:53I'll be sure to let you know.
20:55So keep an ear open.
20:57Okay, I will definitely ears, everything open.
21:01You're welcome.
21:02Bye.
21:03Collage Barrage,
21:05your mashup of home decor
21:06overwhelmed the competition.
21:08And now the question is,
21:10are you ugly enough to take the top spot?
21:12We still have more houses to see
21:14before we crown
21:15the ugliest house in America.
21:20Stunning in the worst way.
21:23I'm sorry, is that an organ?
21:25Oh, yeah, that's a church.
21:28But all needs to go in the trash.