Online dating: How do Europeans really find love?

DW (English)

Many young Europeans are using apps to look for significant others. How effective are they? Do romantic partners still meet by chance?

Transcript

00:01What's the deal with dating in Europe?

00:03All good. All very good.

00:04It's just sad.

00:06I have a lot of thought.

00:07How do people meet?

00:08I don't know, I guess I let life surprise me.

00:11And what are the biggest challenges?

00:14I think there's a lot of expectations now from both sides.

00:18Lots of the people are looking for hookups.

00:20There's always this kind of thrill of getting to know someone new.

00:24True love, the perfect match, sounds like a romcom, right?

00:28But it's not that easy to find in reality.

00:30Do Europeans now only swipe on their phones?

00:33Or do they still leave things up to chance?

00:35We wanted to find out.

00:36So we asked the real experts, everyday people.

00:39Then we checked in with a trained pro, a psychologist.

00:42So, let's get into it.

00:44Where do you meet your next date?

00:46I try to find a friend of a friend.

00:49I think just out in bars.

00:51Friends of my friends.

00:52Mostly when I'm partying.

00:54Through Hinge, Bundle, dating apps.

00:57Eye to eye like friends.

00:59Like when I go to war.

01:01We took those answers to social psychologist Dr. Johanna Degen.

01:05She's been researching online dating for years.

01:08Actually, workplace and friends has been the most common place to meet a spouse or getting intimate.

01:15But today, actually more than 50% of all couples met online.

01:20But many also say it's unromantic or boring.

01:24It's a boring story.

01:25So, we wish and seek for offline dating options.

01:30But pragmatically and actually we meet online.

01:34Dating apps are popular across all ages, lifestyles and sexual orientations.

01:39The number of apps has been growing for over a decade.

01:42These days, around 80 million Europeans are looking for love online.

01:46In Germany, that's every second person between 25 and 35.

01:51Armed with that info, we hit the streets again.

01:54We know you're using dating apps.

01:56So, what's your experience been like?

01:59I just downloaded Tinder again a few days ago.

02:02But I don't usually meet people.

02:05It's like always the same questions and then I think it's boring.

02:08I really don't like social media because it's cute romanticism.

02:12I'm kind of shy in real life.

02:14And online, I'm kind of more confident.

02:18All very good.

02:19I met people who are my friends now.

02:23The guys wanting only the one thing or being interested only in one night stands.

02:29That's why I don't like online dating.

02:31It's just sad.

02:32I got catfished.

02:34A man was pretending to be a girl.

02:36I'm scared to do it.

02:38It does sometimes seem a bit forced.

02:41Personally, not something that I have had success from.

02:46Dr. Johanna Degen isn't surprised by those reactions and strong feelings.

02:51I think they mirror exactly that we are in the online dating fatigue era now.

02:56So, we are kind of worn off the dating practices.

02:59You have probably some negative experiences like getting ghosted, not feeling special,

03:05and then you get disappointed.

03:07And then a reasonable reaction is to protect the social self.

03:11So, you try to lower your expectation.

03:13Actually, that's a negative self-fulfilling prophecy in the making

03:17because when you expect nothing, the others would act less ethical.

03:22It really sets the tone and the atmosphere.

03:25So, we have this negative atmosphere that is collectively shaped.

03:29And it's a billion dollar business.

03:31If you want to swipe, you have to pay.

03:34And the apps are not exactly neutral.

03:36The algorithm often favours conventionally attractive white people

03:40because they tend to get more matches.

03:42How you present yourself really matters.

03:45So, we asked, what are your red flags and green flags in online dating profiles?

03:50Smiling.

03:51Someone who speaks more than one language.

03:54If they have photos of animals.

03:58Someone who actually has pictures with a lot of friends.

04:01If they're vegan.

04:03Red flags are just when someone's very materialistic.

04:08When there are, like, weapons in the profile pictures.

04:11When they show skin.

04:12When they playboy, like, he's too good looking, you know?

04:15Photos with no gloves.

04:17Everyone has their own idea of what works.

04:20But online dating doesn't work without some rules.

04:23How you present yourself often follows unspoken social codes,

04:27which can vary, even within Europe.

04:29When you go more south in Europe, you can show a little bit more skin.

04:33That would be more normalised there.

04:35And also in Asia.

04:37And then we also have difference in how much would I show off.

04:40Like, do I show off my jewellery or my car?

04:43So, in one country, that might be hard.

04:45Like in Asia, you can show off a lot more than in Europe.

04:48But at the same time, you wouldn't look in the camera directly

04:51or smile into the camera.

04:53That would be offensive again.

04:54So, there are huge differences in the culture.

04:58How to present attractively.

05:00The bottom line?

05:02Back in the day, churches were the matchmakers.

05:05These days, it is dating apps.

05:07Though some still do meet through friends or work.

05:09But many Europeans aren't happy with the online dating scene.

05:13So, where is it all headed?

05:15The newspapers would state it's over.

05:19It's so overrated.

05:20It sucks.

05:21It's toxic.

05:22But we are still online because it seems the only reasonable place

05:25to meet a spouse.

05:26And it remains convenient.

05:28But no shame, honey.

05:29Everybody does it or has done it.

05:31What's your take on online dating?

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