Off The Mark Crazy Legs

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1987  UNCUT HOT TEEN MOVIE  A teenaged boy's family once hosted a Russian exchange student in their home for a year. Several years later, as adults, the two find themselves competing against each other in a Triathlon competition.   *  #watchfreemovie  #watcnow  #fullmovie  #watchonlinemovie  #freestreaming  #StreamingNow  #MovieRecommendations  #MustWatch  #ClassicMovies  #Thriller  #Mystery  #WatchOnline  #TopRatedMovies  #CinemaLovers  #DramaFilm  #ForeignFilms  #AwardWinning  #MovieOfTheDay  #InstantClassic  #FeelGoodMovies  #RetroMovies  #MovieClips  #BestCinematography  #StreamingTonight  #LateNightMovies  #RomanticDrama  #Top10Movies  #PopcornTime  #MovieMarathon  #LoveStory  #romanticmovie  #WatchFree  #FreeMoviesOnline  #FilmOfTheYear  #BestMoviesEver  #Comedy  #FunnyMovie  #mustwatchmovie  #Movie  #Film  #filme  #Movies  #FullMovies  #ActionMovies  #ComedyMovies  #HorrorMovies  #DramaMovies  #RomanticMovies  #ThrillerMovies  #EuropeanFilms  #europeanmovie  #FrenchCinema  #SpanishMovies  #ItalianFilms  #GermanMovies  #EuropeanMovieClips  #EuropeanFilmFestival  #BestEuropeanMovies  #TopEuropeanFilms  #ClassicEuropeanCinema  #EuropeanDramaFilms  #EuropeanFilmAwards  #ScandinavianMovies  #EuropeanHorrorFilms  #EuropeanComedyMovies  #EuropeanArtFilms  #EuropeanIndieFilms

Transcript

00:00:00This is IBS's Wild World of Sports, spanning the globe to bring you the greatest events

00:00:17in the world of athletic competition.

00:00:30Our cameras bring you live, the sweat, the blood, the grueling warfare of modern-day gladiators, locked in combat.

00:00:40From sea to shining sea, the intimate drama of sports.

00:00:46The arrogance of victory, the disgrace of defeat, the drive, the passion, the never-ending compulsion to be number one,

00:00:55the perfect ten, the whole nine yards, 100 percent, the best in the world.

00:01:04IBS's Wild World of Sports, with America's number one sporting team, celebrating their 10th year together.

00:01:13Hello, everyone. I'm John Cabot Roosevelt, here with Walt Warner.

00:01:18It's been called the granddaddy of them all.

00:01:19The whole ball of wax, the big enchilada, and we got it right here live on IBS Sports.

00:01:25The Plutonium Man Triathlon.

00:01:27Progress! Get the program!

00:01:29Progress! Progress! Red-hot progress!

00:01:32Let's see the clear of the back of the program!

00:01:33The Plutonium Man Triathlon.

00:01:34Walt Computer State University had a lot of anni Revolution.

00:01:34I suppose a few years ago, it showed us about getting married...

00:01:36な ended with a story in some� immediately.

00:01:39You're just adding an intention!

00:01:40..and you're getting그.

00:01:41And don't need to fight.

00:01:43Will you aquí?

00:01:43I'm sure it's known!

00:01:45Who was помощью this past few years?!

00:01:46And because,ándoch, when he was being a hero who landed on the corporate land,

00:01:47And although her might not have been Christie,

00:01:48it never owned us the mill.

00:01:49Really désol

00:01:57It's been an honour to do...

00:01:58While Harper's You've Must Ford and Howαν

00:01:59Oh, my God!

00:02:29We'll take the opportunity right before the start to consider the enormity of the challenge

00:02:53confronting these athletes, who, before the day is done, will bid to be the first to complete

00:02:58not only an innovating two-and-a-half-mile swim, not merely a grueling 110-mile bicycle race,

00:03:04but incredibly, in addition, an exhausting Olympic-length marathon run of 26 miles.

00:03:10It's 26.2, actually.

00:03:13We're going to see some of the best-conditioned athletes in the world today.

00:03:17Stature attainable, wouldn't you agree, Walt, only from an excruciating training regimen,

00:03:21from pushing the body beyond the limits of physical exhaustion day after torturous day.

00:03:26Well, if you ever played pro ball, you'd know about the worst thing you'd do is overtrain.

00:03:32And now, IBS Sports takes you live to the starting line of the Plutonium Man Triathlon,

00:03:38with a racer's weight, ready to explode out of the starting box.

00:03:42But first, let's take a moment to look up close and intimate at Howard Markle,

00:03:47whose diligence in modern training techniques...

00:03:49Technique's okay as far as it goes, but this kid was motivated.

00:03:52The fact that Howard Markle is even here today is a singularly inspirational story.

00:04:10Well, he'll be unconscious for at least another hour.

00:04:14What's our prognosis, Doctor?

00:04:16Will we ever walk again?

00:04:18Yes, with the proper therapy, he should regain the use of his legs.

00:04:24But he'll never be a world-class athlete.

00:04:31The rest of his life, he's going to have recurring seizures of involuntary galloping spasmosis.

00:04:37You mean...

00:04:37Yes.

00:04:39Crazy legs.

00:04:40An insidious, reoccurring disease that strikes without warning,

00:04:46crazy legs condemned Howard to a life of fear and humiliation.

00:04:55Although Howard suffered many traumas on the playing fields of life,

00:04:59he always took strength from his sightless parents,

00:05:01who had completely overcome their handicap.

00:05:04Does it feel like we're losing power?

00:05:19Although this appeared to be another typical day at the Markle house,

00:05:24it was distinguished by the arrival of a new member of the family,

00:05:28Dmitry Suslov, an exchange student from Russia.

00:05:30Oh, hi.

00:05:39You must be Dmitry.

00:05:42Representing the Kremlin in today's race,

00:05:44Dmitry poses a unique challenge for Howard Markle,

00:05:47who finds himself competing with his close childhood friend.

00:05:51The year Howard spent with Dmitry was the most fun-filled of his entire life.

00:05:56The years are both fun,

00:05:59and although he was finally成功,

00:05:59someone entered his own life.

00:06:06Uh...

00:06:06The year Howard встретed,

00:06:08two pairs got dressed with a bandy-scheded,

00:06:10with his almost of a time,

00:06:11he mostly thought of flying full of the ama-robs anymore,

00:06:13but they wanted to Verma and distinguish them down,

00:06:15you know,

00:06:16people felt like they were hurt and the little wonder.

00:06:17People floor are even though it's too many times.

00:06:20The year Howard asked.

00:06:21You did,

00:06:23and he understood that,

00:06:24There's was not a life of just fun and games.

00:06:52Howard had to spend many agonizing hours with his crazy legs therapy.

00:07:01And Dimitri was always there, always making the painful therapy a little easier to bear.

00:07:06Let me show you.

00:07:14Luke, 25 miles an hour.

00:07:17Wish I could pedal like that.

00:07:22Every cloud is a silver lining.

00:07:30And at least I have shaft.

00:07:32Dimitri was an inventive playmate, always arranging little surprises for Howard to come home to.

00:07:46Oh no!

00:07:56Oh no!

00:07:58Okay, let's see, who gets what? A little Rocky Mountain spotted fever.

00:08:08Measles.

00:08:18A liver transplant.

00:08:20Another pregnancy test. Congratulations.

00:08:22And, oh, the sex change. No anesthetic.

00:08:32Come on.

00:08:34Come on!

00:08:36Chef?

00:08:38Chef?

00:08:40Chef?

00:08:42Chef?

00:08:44Chef, come home!

00:08:46Chef?

00:08:50Chef?

00:08:51Chef?

00:08:53Chef?

00:08:55Chef?

00:08:57Chef?

00:09:03So, the little doggie's gone bye-bye.

00:09:05It was it was you!

00:09:07What do you mean?

00:09:09Where is he?

00:09:10What have you done with him?

00:09:12Being with his fight your wordy, maybe they used up his body for good for mankind.

00:09:16You're crazy, Lex.

00:09:34Tailbreak! Tailbreak!

00:09:46Tailbreak! Tailbreak!

00:10:04Get out!

00:10:08But all good things must come to an end,

00:10:10and one day it was time for the Russian exchange students

00:10:13to return to their homeland.

00:10:16Like all children love to do,

00:10:18the little communists took home souvenirs

00:10:20of their trip to America.

00:10:26Flight 101 to Montana.

00:10:29Now boarding to gate 27.

00:10:38It was the end of a beautiful childhood friendship,

00:10:41but Dimitri left Howard one lasting gift,

00:10:44the inspiration to conquer his handicap.

00:10:48I'll get you someday, Muskie.

00:10:50It's coming.

00:10:52Let's go!

00:10:53Let's go!

00:10:54Run!

00:12:26What are you waiting behind your Aunt Sally there for? Why don't you come out and face me, huh?

00:12:29But every cloud has a silver lining.

00:12:32I know that ever since we got to know each other in the biblical way...

00:12:38You just have to remember to count your blessings.

00:12:46That is just the most sensitive thing I've ever seen.

00:12:52Gosh.

00:12:54I haven't felt like that in years.

00:12:59Oh, would you look at that?

00:13:01You can't coach that.

00:13:02Hey, let's go for a really close-up in Edelman.

00:13:07All right.

00:13:09More.

00:13:10Go for the close-up.

00:13:11Go for the close-up.

00:13:12Whoops.

00:13:14Actually, Howard Markle and Janelle Johnson had a lot to count.

00:13:18Janelle won every race she ran against the other girls, so like a true competitor, she went

00:13:35looking for a real test of her ability.

00:13:37She wanted to race against the boys.

00:13:40Hey!

00:13:40Like true sportsmen, they welcomed the challenge.

00:13:56This race was special for Janelle, for it was during this race that she really matured as

00:14:01a runner.

00:14:05Her new growth seemed to give her the margin of victory, although some of the boys protest

00:14:10it was unfair.

00:14:12It wasn't too many years before they started to feel a little different.

00:14:16And with her all-American upbringing, Janelle grew to be a healthy, normal girl.

00:14:23Hey, Dan, what's your hand?

00:14:26That was a little higher.

00:14:28No, higher.

00:14:32Connor?

00:14:33You got a boy in there with you?

00:14:35Shh.

00:14:36It's Paul.

00:14:38Bells, bells, I know it.

00:14:40Go!

00:14:43Let's go!

00:14:46Come on, hurry!

00:14:47Go!

00:14:52Woo-hoo!

00:14:56Woo-hoo!

00:15:02Star?

00:15:04Yes, Daddy?

00:15:06Should I cut a big switch this time, pa?

00:15:08No, just get on over here, honey.

00:15:10I want to talk to you.

00:15:15Daughter, your ma and me was talking.

00:15:18And we decided that you're growing up pretty fast around here

00:15:22and maybe we'd better provide for your future.

00:15:25So we want you to take this and go get proper athletic training

00:15:29just like you always wanted.

00:15:31But, Pa, not the egg money.

00:15:34You need the egg money in case the crops don't come in.

00:15:37Oh, honey, don't you worry none about us.

00:15:39We'll make out.

00:15:41Well, okay.

00:15:45I guess we'll just have to look on the bright side.

00:15:50It was time to say goodbye.

00:15:52For Janelle, that wasn't easy.

00:15:55I'm sorry.

00:15:57I know that ever since we got to know each other in the biblical way,

00:16:02we thought we'd go on and get married.

00:16:04And I know you've already picked out the silver pattern.

00:16:10And I know you thought we would have our own family

00:16:13and raise our own little basketball team.

00:16:17But I have races to run.

00:16:21The past few days had been lonely for Janelle,

00:16:24but now it looked like things were about to pick up.

00:16:27Oh.

00:16:28I got to get in line.

00:16:29Yeah, I guess I better get back in line myself.

00:16:47You know, I just had the craziest idea.

00:16:49Yeah?

00:16:50Would you like to go out to dinner with me?

00:16:56Well, I don't date that much.

00:17:00Oh, well, that's all right.

00:17:01I'd love to.

00:17:02You would?

00:17:04Well, um, only if we go Dutch.

00:17:06Where would you like to sit?

00:17:19Here's the table for the two of you.

00:17:21Very romantic.

00:17:23Will you excuse me for a minute, please?

00:17:26Oh, sure.

00:17:26Sure.

00:17:27Sure.

00:17:29Sure.

00:17:30Sure.

00:17:31Sure.

00:17:32Sure.

00:17:33Sure.

00:17:34Sure.

00:17:35Nice romantic table.

00:17:41Indeed.

00:17:42You have, I think, the most beautiful face in the world.

00:17:46Why don't you come over here and sit on my lap?

00:17:53Oh, yeah.

00:17:58Howard?

00:18:01Howard?

00:18:03Howard, are you all right?

00:18:04You look a little funny.

00:18:05You have, I think, the most beautiful lap in the world.

00:18:10Why don't you come over here and sit on my face?

00:18:13Howard!

00:18:14Waiter, may I have a sharp knife, please?

00:18:18It's awfully sweet of you to want to, but I really think there's a time and a place for

00:18:22everything.

00:18:23Are you ready to order?

00:18:24How does a little chicken salad?

00:18:25How does a little chicken sound?

00:18:26Mmm, I don't know.

00:18:27May I suggest, pock, pock, pock, pock, pock, pock, pock, pock, pock, pock?

00:18:31Maybe we can get the chef salad.

00:18:32I don't think so.

00:18:33The chef's rather possessive.

00:18:34Uh, why don't we have two chef salads, please?

00:18:37Well, if you must, I would suggest a little Russian dressing on the side.

00:18:41Oh, what's wrong?

00:18:48I can't stand anything rectangular.

00:18:53How about look at it?

00:18:54I can't, I can't.

00:18:55Russian!

00:18:58Make your blue cheese.

00:19:00You'll be a man of class.

00:19:01No, chef, Dmitry, babushkas, balalikas, draikas, Dostoyevsky, Arinskikar.

00:19:10Howard, Howard, what's the matter with you?

00:19:13Oh, nothing.

00:19:14It's just that I have a certain disorder with my...

00:19:17God.

00:20:01more does it always happen to you when somebody says don't how did this happen

00:20:07to you there was this kid from I knew this kid a long time ago and he did

00:20:16horrible things to me got everything I ever wanted that's all right I know

00:20:21someday you'll be found out he'll be denounced in his homeland and sent to

00:20:25the gulag archipelago to die where peasant women in Siberia will curse his

00:20:28moldering flesh but I get away from all my troubles when I run I get that

00:20:34runner's high nothing bothers me I'm really looking forward to the 440 at

00:20:38the regional and hey wait a minute hold everything are you in the 440 you are

00:20:44you know what I'm gonna do to you I'm gonna rip your head off I'm gonna rip

00:20:47your I'm in the 880 I'm sorry it's just that I don't get along well with people

00:20:53I have to compete against but you don't have to compete against me

00:20:58let's see the Markle family no gee they haven't lived here for quite a while I

00:21:04can't remember when they moved as a matter of fact we started receiving some

00:21:09of their mail I put it away but they didn't leave any forwarding address I'm

00:21:14sorry would you like to leave a number where you could be reached just in case

00:21:20they call

00:21:27now we feature up close and intimate the inspiring story of a competitor with an

00:21:32inner city ethnicity come on tell it like it is the kids from the ghetto right is that so hard but I think it's a great

00:21:39like so many competitors with an inner city ethnicity James B

00:21:48White at an early age came to love jazz music and spent many happy hours listening to it with his parents and he called me with a

00:21:55story of a competitor with an inner city ethnicity. Come on, tell it like it is the kids from the

00:22:00ghetto, right? Is that so hard? What the... I'm... you... Like so many competitors with an inner city

00:22:07ethnicity, James B. White, at an early age, came to love jazz music. And spent many happy hours

00:22:16listening to it with his parents. Ow! I can't see shit with these things on.

00:22:25Growing up was a typical inner city kid. He was a gifted athlete, a natural, at any sport he took up.

00:22:55As he reached adulthood, James B. grew into a handsome boy, and all the girls chased after him.

00:23:04It was at a small regional meet where James B., Howard, and Janelle first competed together.

00:23:14I'm gonna wipe you guys out. I'm gonna rip you to shreds. I'm gonna tear your limb from limb. Oh, man, you are so ugly. How can you stand going out at night?

00:23:23Ah! Phillips! Phillips, man! Oh, God, you gotta quit putting cigarettes out on your face, man. Oh, I'm sorry. Are those pimples?

00:23:32He didn't mean it really. He didn't mean it. Hey, Crabtree, man, show us the plate in your hair.

00:23:36Howard! You can't say that to people. You gotta love your enemies.

00:23:39But that guy's really ugly. Look at him.

00:23:41But, Howard, all you're doing is hurting yourself.

00:23:45That's me. I gotta go.

00:23:46Hey, Janelle, you just remember. You kill him. Just kill him.

00:23:52You're a very sick boy, Howard.

00:23:59You!

00:24:00Good luck. Good luck. Good luck. Hey, good luck.

00:24:04On your mark!

00:24:08Runners, get set!

00:24:16Going into today's competition, Howard, Janelle, and James B. had to be considered the favorites in their events.

00:24:22As she streaked around the track, leaving everyone in her dust, Janelle must have been thinking that life was truly sweet.

00:24:29That this was what she was born to do.

00:24:31Run.

00:24:32A symphony of speed and power.

00:24:34A relentless physical machine thundering down the track to...

00:24:37Second place?

00:24:39I lost?

00:24:40I lost?

00:24:41On your mark!

00:24:50Runners, get set!

00:24:56Now it remained for Howard, or perhaps James B. White, with his unique style of running, to garner whatever glory was to be won today.

00:25:04After suffering these embarrassments, Howard, Janelle, and James B. had to be considered washed up in the world of major sports competition.

00:25:17Come on, it's not the end of the world.

00:25:19You threw me off with all that crap about love your enemy.

00:25:31Well, maybe you threw me off with all your hate and threatening everybody, huh?

00:25:37Ah, that's not why you lost.

00:25:39Who said that?

00:25:39You're both raw.

00:25:41You want to know why you lost?

00:25:43Here!

00:25:43Oh, nice little nothing like a little fresh air.

00:25:48Hey, give me my six iron, boy.

00:25:52I think I can reach the dream from here.

00:25:55Thank you, thank you.

00:25:56Oh, why did we lose?

00:25:57Yeah, why?

00:25:58Why did you lose?

00:25:59Because tomorrow.

00:26:01And tomorrow and tomorrow...

00:26:02What's he saying?

00:26:02I don't know.

00:26:03I think he wants something.

00:26:06That's right.

00:26:06A drink.

00:26:07He wants a drink.

00:26:08Oh, here you go.

00:26:08Here's a drink.

00:26:09Water!

00:26:10Never!

00:26:10Water.

00:26:12No, no.

00:26:12Water.

00:26:13Oh, here you go.

00:26:14Ah.

00:26:15That's not you.

00:26:16Oh.

00:26:17Ah.

00:26:18Ah.

00:26:21Ah.

00:26:27On your mark.

00:26:29Hit set.

00:26:31Go!

00:26:37Ah, I'm going to pick him up and put him down.

00:26:39One and probably another.

00:26:40That's it.

00:26:42Hey, you're asleep.

00:26:54Hey, our problem.

00:26:56You said you knew what our problem was.

00:26:58I know exactly what your problem is.

00:26:59I know how to solve it.

00:27:00It's very simple.

00:27:01All you have to do is...

00:27:02What?

00:27:04What?

00:27:04A drink.

00:27:04Quick, get him a drink.

00:27:09What is it?

00:27:10What do we have to do?

00:27:11Excuse me.

00:27:12Our races.

00:27:12You said you knew how we lost our races.

00:27:14Oh, that, that, yes.

00:27:15You see, you're not middle-distance runners.

00:27:17You should be marathoners.

00:27:19Can you swim?

00:27:20Yes.

00:27:20Yeah.

00:27:21Can you ride a bicycle?

00:27:22Yeah.

00:27:22Sure.

00:27:23That's it.

00:27:25What's it?

00:27:26You triathloners.

00:27:35Triathloners.

00:27:36Well, goodbye.

00:27:37Thank you for the drink.

00:27:38Good luck.

00:27:39Hey, wait a minute.

00:27:39Where are you going?

00:27:41That's right.

00:27:41Where am I going?

00:27:42Come on, you can tell me.

00:27:43Never mind.

00:27:44I'll find it myself.

00:27:46Well, aren't you going to be our coach?

00:27:48Yeah.

00:27:48Coach.

00:27:50You want me to be your coach?

00:27:52Yeah.

00:27:53I was a pretty good coach once.

00:27:57Better than pretty good, maybe.

00:27:59Yeah, but that was a long time ago.

00:28:01I'm no good to anybody anymore.

00:28:03I don't even know who I am half the time.

00:28:06I'm just a washed up old boozer.

00:28:08I'm just a washed up old boozer.

00:28:09Oh, that's the best kind.

00:28:11That's just what we want.

00:28:17All right, you two, fall in.

00:28:20All right, Pete.

00:28:21All right, we're going to do some jumping jacks.

00:28:30Jump to jump to jump to jump to jump to jump to jump.

00:28:37What in the hell is wrong with you?

00:28:39Where is your mind, boy?

00:28:40What are you doing?

00:28:41Up, down, up, down, up, down.

00:28:46What's on your mind, boy?

00:28:48Come on.

00:28:49This is war.

00:29:07Johnson, you're as bad as Marco.

00:29:12It became obvious that Howard would never reach his potential as an athlete

00:29:16until he learned to contain his volatile emotions.

00:29:18This ain't some church social out there.

00:29:20Nobody I know ever want anything without getting fired up.

00:29:24All right, show me the stuff you made up, boy.

00:29:26Show me the killer instinct.

00:29:29Go.

00:29:30Go.

00:29:31Take care, Marco.

00:29:32Go.

00:29:34All right, come on.

00:29:35Let's go that extra mile.

00:29:36We got people to see and places to be.

00:29:38When we get to kill booze, let's break for lunch.

00:29:46All right, you wimps.

00:29:58Let's do it again.

00:30:06Hey, that stuff you're made up, boy.

00:30:08Let's see the killer instinct.

00:30:10This is the big race, Marco.

00:30:12And you're losing.

00:30:15Come on, boy.

00:30:16Pour it on.

00:30:17Faster, faster.

00:30:18Get her, boy.

00:30:19Come on.

00:30:20That's the boy.

00:30:22What the?

00:30:23What the hell are you?

00:30:24What are you doing?

00:30:25What?

00:30:26What?

00:30:39Oh, no.

00:30:40Oh, no.

00:30:45Oh, no.

00:30:46What the hell's the matter with you, boy?

00:30:48Are you crazy or something?

00:30:50I'm so sorry.

00:30:51I didn't mean to.

00:30:52Are you OK?

00:30:54Are you all right?

00:30:57Much better, madam. Thanks.

00:31:00You think I don't know what's going on here? Oh, come on.

00:31:03You're trying to drive me out of here so you can get one of your ex-jock friends in here with you.

00:31:07You could have a great time sitting around arguing about what tastes great and what's less filling.

00:31:12Well, I'm not going to make it any easier for you.

00:31:14Let's see you get by without this.

00:31:18Oh, yeah?

00:31:20Let's see you get by without this.

00:31:24You can't do that. You're exposing a trading secret.

00:31:33Ow.

00:31:37Did I do that?

00:31:39Well, I suppose I deserved it.

00:31:43No.

00:31:45Well, maybe. But still, I'm sorry.

00:31:48Yeah, well, I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry you have to train with a guy who's out to drown you.

00:31:51You don't have to accept this, you know. You can fight back.

00:31:55You can act like a human being.

00:31:56Oh, it's too late for that.

00:31:59Okay, fine.

00:32:00If you want to just forget any chance we could have to be together and take the coward's way out, well, fine, but I'm not going to stick around here to see it.

00:32:06All right, then go. See if I care. Think my whole life revolves around you? Think if you walk out that door, I'm just going to crumble? Not me, baby. I'm like a rock.

00:32:16Oh, okay. Okay, I'll try.

00:32:21All right, here they come. Are you ready?

00:32:23Yeah, well, I guess.

00:32:24No, I guess. Do it. Come on.

00:32:27Hi, guys. Hi. You're looking good. All right. Hey, I'll see you out on the track.

00:32:32Oh, are those new shoes? They look really fast.

00:32:35Not bad.

00:32:36You! What are you doing here? I'm going to cut you up, man. I'm going to feed you to my pet piranha.

00:32:43You're blowing it with the water, boys.

00:32:46Well, I raced against them at the regional.

00:32:47Okay, go ahead. Punk out. Be a dishrag for the rest of your life.

00:32:53Hi. Stay away from me.

00:32:57Hey, look. I'm sorry about that. I don't even have a pet piranha.

00:33:01Yeah, sure.

00:33:02I just want to talk to you. Come on, relax. I just want to break your legs, you scumbag.

00:33:07Oh, no, I didn't mean that. What I meant to say was that I want to be your friend.

00:33:10See? I just want to be your friend. See? I'm under control now.

00:33:17You son of a bitch!

00:33:18Yeah, well, just don't come any closer, buddy. This is real water.

00:33:21Well, look, you know, it's just that I have this little problem.

00:33:24No kidding.

00:33:24You see, the thing is, rat breath, I can't be friends with anybody I have to race against.

00:33:29Yeah?

00:33:29Well, sounds like the beginning of a beautiful friendship to me.

00:33:33You mean?

00:33:34That's right.

00:33:35I've given up running. I'm no good.

00:33:37Anyway, I'm starting a new career as a water boy.

00:33:41Fields wide open.

00:33:42Sure you want to hear about all this?

00:33:43Oh, yeah, jerk nose.

00:33:45I mean, I have a black body, all right?

00:33:48But I missed out somewhere on a black soul.

00:33:51I would...

00:33:53Damn.

00:33:54Don't curse the darkness.

00:33:58Light a candle.

00:34:00What?

00:34:01Every dog has his day.

00:34:03Keep your chin up.

00:34:06You mean that...

00:34:07That's right.

00:34:08The opera ain't over until the fat lady sings.

00:34:12You're right.

00:34:15You're right.

00:34:16You know what?

00:34:17I'm going to go out and I'm going to get me some soul if it kills me.

00:34:20James B. searched the world over in hopes of discovering his roots.

00:34:38Say hey, everybody.

00:34:42Right on.

00:34:43Kareem.

00:34:52Yeah.

00:34:56Soul train!

00:35:06I see a child in trouble.

00:35:09Bring him a catfish.

00:35:10Make it a big one.

00:35:11Whoa.

00:35:13Wait.

00:35:17Eat, child.

00:35:27You've got the condition.

00:35:37But give praise.

00:35:38There ain't but one person in this whole world who knows the way of the cure.

00:35:43And you found it.

00:35:53Bring it.

00:35:54What, this is it?

00:36:03The cure?

00:36:04The final solution.

00:36:06White shock.

00:36:08Hey!

00:36:10This place is bitchin'.

00:36:11What?

00:36:13I mean, it could use a futon or two.

00:36:16Doesn't smell white enough.

00:36:18Does it have cable?

00:36:19Come over here.

00:36:21Come over here.

00:36:26Take this.

00:36:30Now put them on.

00:36:32I'm going to fix dinner.

00:36:39Hey.

00:36:40How do I look?

00:36:41I'm sick and to your death.

00:36:53Eat that.

00:36:54All right.

00:36:54White fish, white sauce, white rice, white bread.

00:36:58Yeah.

00:37:00Any white wine?

00:37:03Get back to the phone, you son of a bitch.

00:37:17You don't know who you met.

00:37:25That's right.

00:37:26Back your white ass up.

00:37:28James B.

00:37:32Call your dog.

00:37:34Call it?

00:37:35Do like I say.

00:37:36Be all right.

00:37:40Here, boy.

00:37:42Here, boy.

00:37:43Please, dog.

00:37:46Trained to be vicious to any black brother.

00:37:49But you.

00:37:50Be like.

00:37:51Hey.

00:37:52Now, child.

00:37:54Don't you leave here until you're white overdosed.

00:37:57Who's that?

00:37:58You'll know.

00:38:02But I'll see you never work in this town again.

00:38:05And we're back with more from the Plutonium Man triathlon.

00:38:09As race day grew nearer, Howard and Janelle were spending every waking hour in a vigorous training regimen.

00:38:14Training sort of things decodently not good for training.

00:38:30Let's forget about training for a while, okay?

00:38:32Just put it out of your mind.

00:38:37So you're a little loud here.

00:38:39Just the two of us.

00:38:42Whispering pines.

00:38:49Babbling drunk.

00:38:50Well, this is about a thing.

00:38:53I'm a kid who's not a lot of real people.

00:38:54Lovers me a lot of this problem.

00:38:56Okay.

00:38:58If you promise not to mention anything.

00:38:59Okay.

00:39:00I won't.

00:39:01I won't.

00:39:09Doesn't it just get your blood running?

00:39:11Running?

00:39:12You said running.

00:39:13Oh, I'm sorry.

00:39:15I didn't mean to, Howard.

00:39:22Okay.

00:39:27Oh, I just love your hair.

00:39:28Hair, hair.

00:39:29Tortoise and the hair.

00:39:31Tortoise wins a race, race.

00:39:33You said race.

00:39:34Go.

00:39:35It's okay.

00:39:36I won't do it again.

00:39:37I promise.

00:39:37I, I, I.

00:39:43My little booshka there.

00:39:45Oh, how are you?

00:39:47Hmm.

00:39:48You're so sweet.

00:39:50You're like candy.

00:39:51Candy.

00:39:52Ice cream.

00:39:53Green cheese.

00:39:54Green cheese.

00:39:55Danish, Swedish, Finnish.

00:39:59Finnish.

00:39:59Race.

00:40:00Ah!

00:40:01Ah!

00:40:02How are you?

00:40:03It's just impossible.

00:40:04Huh?

00:40:04Okay, I just can't deal with your ridiculous problem anymore.

00:40:08What are you mad at me for?

00:40:10You're the one who keeps bringing it up.

00:40:13Why pretend we're happy

00:40:24When the truth is plain to see

00:40:31So until these body games are through

00:40:37With strangers me and

00:40:40That's the way it's got to be

00:40:45Ooh, why deny the feelings

00:40:51We're only hurting us

00:40:58And if it's the body games we play

00:41:04And just get in the way

00:41:07Don't you think we've had enough

00:41:13Oh, stop!

00:41:15The body games we play

00:41:18Throw our bullets right away

00:41:22While there's still a chance

00:41:28For our love

00:41:33Howard, is that you?

00:41:41You look kind of bummed out, boy

00:41:42And welcome to my humble abode

00:41:49What you need is a drink

00:41:51My wife

00:41:51Some Gatorade would be nice

00:41:53Gatorade and bourbon

00:41:54Real men drink hard liquor

00:41:56All right

00:41:59What's going on?

00:42:01Something's troubling you

00:42:02Just as I thought

00:42:05It's a woman, isn't it?

00:42:08All right

00:42:08I'm going to have to break out

00:42:10A new six-pack

00:42:11She's right

00:42:16I can't love anybody

00:42:19I have to race against

00:42:20Now, no matter what

00:42:20Those pretty boy quarterbacks

00:42:22Are making

00:42:22What kind of money

00:42:23Doesn't matter to me

00:42:23You see, the game

00:42:24Is still one in the trenches

00:42:25You have to want it more

00:42:27Than the guy across the line

00:42:28From you

00:42:28If you're going to play football

00:42:29You've got to be smart, boy

00:42:31You've got to have it up here

00:42:32I want to hear those pads

00:42:34Pop from the top

00:42:35Of that stadium

00:42:36I want you to hit them

00:42:37I knew that

00:42:41What the hell was I talking about?

00:42:46Oh, romance

00:42:48Romance, l'amour

00:42:49C'est la chose la plus belle de monde

00:42:52L'amour pensé

00:42:53Magnifique

00:42:54Then what you're saying is that

00:42:57I can love her

00:42:59Is that what I said?

00:43:01You know what I'm going to do, coach?

00:43:02I'm going to go right over to her house

00:43:04And I'm going to tell her

00:43:06That I love her

00:43:06Yeah, well, the poor little thing

00:43:08Is probably sitting there

00:43:08By the telephone

00:43:09All by herself

00:43:09Waiting for you to call

00:43:10Yeah, poor little thing

00:43:12What the hell is that it's herdale

00:43:15I don't know

00:43:31Ah

00:43:31I'm gonna tell her

00:43:33I know

00:43:33Yeah, that's what I think

00:43:34I'm going to do

00:43:34I'm gonna tell my

00:43:34Hey, hey, hey

00:43:35I'm going to do

00:43:35I'm gonna do

00:43:35And I'm going to do

00:43:36I Ble Quick

00:43:36I'm gonna do

00:43:37I'm going to do

00:43:37I'm gonna do

00:43:38I'm gonna do

00:43:39I hope those guys out there have something to keep busy for a while.

00:43:52Oh, I get it.

00:43:54You don't feel like rushing into it.

00:43:57Okay, then tell me a little about yourself.

00:43:59No, it's just, um, it's this guy.

00:44:03Howard may be a complete jerk.

00:44:09But I love him.

00:44:20And I just can't do anything with anybody else.

00:44:25Oh, no.

00:44:32It's not what you think.

00:44:33Oh, no. What about all those guys?

00:44:35They're just friends.

00:44:37I was just about to bring out Trivial Pursuit.

00:44:39Really?

00:44:40You mean you're not seeing anyone else?

00:44:43No.

00:44:46There's nobody else I want.

00:44:49But you.

00:44:51Good.

00:44:52Gee, there I was thinking you were running around with half the guys in town.

00:45:01Hey, hey.

00:45:02You are a canal consular.

00:45:06Oh.

00:45:09That's it.

00:45:16That's it.

00:45:18Things can't get any worse.

00:45:20My name is Dmitry Suslov.

00:45:49All my life, I train for Plutonium Man Triathlon.

00:45:54I race against filthy, greedy American.

00:46:00I will win.

00:46:02Then, whole world will see how weak, immoral capitalists are.

00:46:09Beautiful, beautiful baby. Cut.

00:46:11All right, let's go to lunch.

00:46:12Let's cut.

00:46:13Do I get my VCR and the blue jeans?

00:46:16Get along, little donkeys.

00:46:22Shake your booty all night long.

00:46:27Oh, I say sing around the campfire, baby.

00:46:34Shake your booty all night long.

00:46:37Yeah, sing around the campfire.

00:46:39You looking for me?

00:46:47Gotta eat.

00:46:48Gotta eat.

00:46:50Gotta eat.

00:46:51Look at that.

00:47:02Let's go.

00:47:03Let's go.

00:47:04Let's go.

00:47:05Let's do it.

00:47:06Let's go.

00:47:07Oh, my God.

00:47:37Oh, my God.

00:47:54I have it.

00:48:05Oh, sugar.

00:48:07Yeah, bacon's fine, baby.

00:48:25Just gotta feed the dog.

00:48:27Hey, dude, what's that?

00:48:57Say what?

00:49:27I said what it is, and what it be, cause J.B.Y. cannot be believed.

00:49:41Why?

00:49:42Because there's a party over here and a party over there, cause J.B.Y. is no longer square.

00:49:47I said the boy is flesh, the boy got moves, everybody stand back and watch him move.

00:49:55Take me white, don't be white, take me black.

00:50:22How does it feel moments before the start of the biggest race of your life, knowing you

00:50:26have a chance to be the recipient of a $30,000 prize?

00:50:31What goes on in an athlete's mind?

00:50:34Why don't you tell us, Walt?

00:50:35You have such a perfect command of the obvious.

00:50:38Uh, well, race day means to me unbelievable pressure on the athlete.

00:50:44Imagine the tension inside that locker room.

00:50:47What is your livelihood and a bounce, if you look at it, whether it makes you look at it right?

00:50:56Let's go.

00:51:00It's a kiss.

00:51:02Correct.

00:51:03It was the only one savior, yet I asked myself.

00:51:08Oh, boy, Howard Markell.

00:51:29Mitri.

00:51:30You're not looking so good, Howard.

00:51:34His legs still bother you?

00:51:37What legs?

00:51:38Nice shippies.

00:51:43Oh, you know, I'd like to talk over old times with you, but I really should warm up now.

00:51:50You're a nice guy, Howard.

00:51:52Hope you like to finish last.

00:51:56Man, just came by to say good luck.

00:52:00What's the matter? Something be wrong with your legs?

00:52:02No, there's nothing wrong with my legs. I'm just warming up.

00:52:05And I'm not your man, so just get lost.

00:52:07I feel so good about this race, I could give this up.

00:52:12Hey, here.

00:52:14You're going to wish you were never born.

00:52:16I'm going to wipe you out. I'm going to pound you.

00:52:19You're dead meat, so watch out.

00:52:20Give me that.

00:52:21Give me that.

00:52:23Get your own.

00:52:24Go get him, baby.

00:52:36Go get him, baby.

00:52:37All right.

00:52:38And now, IBS Sports takes you live to the starting line of the Plutonium Man Triathlon.

00:52:47Runners get fed.

00:53:02Go get him, baby.

00:53:03Go get him, baby.

00:53:04Go get him, baby.

00:53:05Go get him, baby.

00:53:07Go get him, baby.

00:53:08Go get him, baby.

00:53:09Go get him, baby.

00:53:10Go get him, baby.

00:53:11Go get him, baby.

00:53:12Go get him, baby.

00:53:13Go get him, baby.

00:53:14Go get him, baby.

00:53:15Go get him, baby.

00:53:16Go get him, baby.

00:53:17Go get him, baby.

00:53:18Go get him, baby.

00:53:19Go get him, baby.

00:53:20Go get him, baby.

00:53:21Go get him, baby.

00:53:22Go get him, baby.

00:53:23Go get him, baby.

00:53:24Go get him, baby.

00:53:25Go get him, baby.

00:53:26Go get him, baby.

00:53:27Go get him, baby.

00:53:28Go get him, baby.

00:53:29Why do we always have to run like this?

00:53:59I don't know.

00:54:29Take a look.

00:54:31Jesus Christ.

00:54:35Oh, my God.

00:54:45Now, let's take a look at the swimming course.

00:54:49The swimmers enter the Grand Canal,

00:54:52where they run into unpredictable winds, currents, and tides.

00:54:56You know, for some reason, I keep thinking about old Kathy Turkle.

00:55:05The night her parents were out and we got loaded on Ripple.

00:55:10What was I, Mr. Smooth?

00:55:13And did we...

00:55:14Oh, no, it can't be.

00:55:23It is.

00:55:23They're swimming into a fog bank.

00:55:41Who's that?

00:55:43Who that? Who say who that?

00:55:44Janelle?

00:55:45No, I'm Janelle.

00:55:47Is that you, Howard?

00:55:48Yeah.

00:55:49Go away.

00:55:50I won't go away.

00:55:51Aren't you scared?

00:55:53What's to be scared of a little fog?

00:55:55Hold me.

00:56:19No way.

00:56:20Come on.

00:56:20I'm scared.

00:56:24That's better.

00:56:30Do you hear that?

00:56:32Yeah.

00:56:40Run!

00:56:41No!

00:56:44Oh, I knew it all, Mom.

00:56:46You ready?

00:56:52Wait.

00:56:53He's way out the surface.

00:57:00Go.

00:57:01Go, Howard.

00:57:07Beat that!

00:57:08No!

00:57:09Russian!

00:57:10Mm-hmm.

00:57:10As the athletes approach the beach, it's Dimitri Sussbaum, first out of the water.

00:57:29And would you look at that?

00:57:31He's actually sacrificing precious seconds to administer to the safety of Howard Markle's handlebars,

00:57:36and the crowd shows its appreciation.

00:57:41As they move on to the bike course, Dimitri Sussbaum's holding on to a pretty good lead.

00:57:47Don't count Janelle Johnson and James B. White out.

00:57:49Look at them, moving up through the pack.

00:57:54And Howard Markle, he seems to have himself straightened out now, and he's making up some ground.

00:58:01As we get a good aerial shot of the course, you can see the terrain's not exactly the Bonneville salt plants out there.

00:58:07In fact, some of those hills are darn near impossible.

00:58:10In fact, we have to leukíst.

00:58:12Yeah, would you have to be careful about the

00:58:30Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?

00:58:55I was just trying to pull the pole back in.

00:59:00I'll get you James B.

00:59:25I was just trying to pull the pole back in the corner.

00:59:35I was just trying to pull the pole back in.

00:59:40Woo.

00:59:41Woo.

00:59:42Woo.

00:59:43Yeah.

00:59:44Yeah.

00:59:45Yeah.

00:59:45Woo.

00:59:46Woo.

00:59:49Go, go, go.

00:59:50Go, go, go.

00:59:52Go, go, go.

00:59:54Go, go, go, go.

00:59:56Ha ha ha.

00:59:56Ha ha ha ha.

01:00:05What?

01:00:06We're not going to pull that out again.

01:00:07Oh.

01:00:07Stupid.

01:00:08Get it.

01:00:08Come on.

01:00:09Get out of here.

01:00:10No way, no way down.

01:00:12No way, no way.

01:00:31Why?

01:00:33Why?

01:00:35Oh!

01:00:40Oh!

01:00:44Oh!

01:00:46Oh!

01:00:47Oh!

01:01:18Live coverage of the Plutonium Man Triathlon.

01:01:27I'm a little busy right now.

01:01:29Well, I was thinking if you was coming up to visit your ma and me, best you come up for it next Tuesday.

01:01:34Seems a swarm of locusts come in and ate up all the soybeans.

01:01:37And the government, they're foreclosing, fixing auction off the house, the land, tractor, and all the livestock.

01:01:42But you go on with running this race of yours, don't you worry none about your ma and me.

01:01:48Good night.

01:01:50It's gone!

01:01:51It's gone!

01:01:53Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

01:02:23Hey, what are you doing? What's this? What is this?

01:02:25Hey, I don't want to see you. Hey, what are you doing?

01:02:27Hey, what? I don't know.

01:02:32Whoa!

01:02:33Oh! Oh, Howard!

01:02:40Hey, hi!

01:02:42Man, Howard, you're one cold-blooded dude.

01:02:44What? It wasn't me.

01:02:45Yeah, right. It was your mama.

01:02:48Oh, jeez.

01:02:50This is the same.

01:02:52It's too pretty.

01:02:57Hey, do you mind?

01:02:58Huh?

01:03:10Listen, what's your problem, huh?

01:03:15Don't do anything.

01:03:16Don't do anything.

01:03:17Stop it!

01:03:18No!

01:03:19No!

01:03:20No!

01:03:21No!

01:03:22No!

01:03:27No!

01:03:28the

01:03:29the

01:03:53only six miles to go and Dimitri Suslov is way out in front

01:03:57Look, there seems to be no sign of any of his rides.

01:04:07Where are we?

01:04:11Here.

01:04:18It's Dimitri. He's going to win.

01:04:20We might as well just sit here.

01:04:28Never move again.

01:04:30Die.

01:04:36Lost this dog when I was a little boy.

01:04:38He must have been looking for me all these years.

01:04:40He never gave up.

01:04:43He never gave up.

01:04:45No matter what the cost.

01:04:47No matter he didn't have no chance.

01:04:49Because when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

01:04:53Winners never quit and quitters never win.

01:04:55It don't matter whether you be winning or losing.

01:04:57It's how you know.

01:04:59The opera ain't over till the fat lady sings.

01:05:03We can do it.

01:05:05I just wish I had my music.

01:05:09Hey!

01:05:09All right!

01:05:13What is it?

01:05:15Wait a minute.

01:05:24Wait a minute.

01:05:26Somebody's closing fast.

01:05:29It's Howard Markman.

01:05:31And Janelle Johnson and James B. White.

01:05:33Look at them run.

01:05:34They'll never catch him now.

01:05:35He's going into his kick.

01:05:37Oh, God, I hate him.

01:05:47Don't waste your energy, Hagen.

01:05:49If you want to win, do it for the right reason.

01:05:51Dimitri's got hate.

01:06:04But you've got...

01:06:05No!

01:06:13You've got nothing to fear but fear itself!

01:06:16A thick in time save time!

01:06:18A foolish in money are soon parted!

01:06:20Hold everything.

01:06:24Something seems to have happened to Howard Markle.

01:06:27This is absolutely incredible.

01:06:30I've never seen anything like this in all my years in sports.

01:06:33He's running like a man possessed.

01:06:34Fuck is what you think?

01:06:42Oh, God, last!

01:06:45Oh, God, last!

01:06:48Oh, God!

01:06:53Oh, God.

01:06:55Oh, God!

01:06:58Oh, God, God!

01:06:59Oh, God, God!

01:07:01how is it possible how can it be how can they reach down into the deepest part of themselves

01:07:18to deliver this kind of performance this is the truest grip i've never seen

01:07:23go howard go we're in peace

01:07:31all you go to me for a meeting

01:07:38remember i said a little cheppy all those years no little cheppy

01:07:44howard he's making you hate him don't do it you can't get you you medicare

01:07:50something's going wrong it looked like it was going to be the greatest comeback in sports history but

01:07:54oh my god marco has hit the wall

01:07:57get up get up get up get up get up get up get up get up get up get up get up get up go boy come on

01:08:20come on legs let's beat this red

01:08:24let's beat this red

01:08:29let's beat this red

01:08:45i'm sorry but our time is up and we now join hiding already in progress

01:09:00and we now join hiding already in progress

01:09:07well if that's the way you feel about the culture

01:09:22oh my god

01:09:37oh go on without me i'm a goner no come on come on

01:09:46oh my god

01:09:56oh my god

01:10:00oh my god

01:10:02oh my god

01:10:06oh my god

01:10:09Man, I want to have to.

01:10:39Come on, lady, you'll break your nails that way.

01:10:51Oh!

01:10:52Ah!

01:10:53Ah!

01:10:54Ah!

01:10:55Ah!

01:10:56Ah!

01:10:57Ah!

01:10:58Ah!

01:10:59Ah!

01:11:00Ah!

01:11:01Ah!

01:11:02Ah!

01:11:03Ah!

01:11:04Ah!

01:11:06Ah!

01:11:07Ah!

01:11:08Ah!

01:11:09See you next week.

01:11:10Good night, John.

01:11:12Say hello to the missus for me.

01:11:15Need a ride home?

01:11:16No, thanks.

01:11:17I feel like walking.

01:11:19Hey!

01:11:20Look at that.

01:11:39You were racing down the runway street to nowhere.

01:11:40She steps in to change your point of view.

01:11:49You were racing down the runway street to nowhere.

01:11:50She steps in to change your point of view.

01:12:04And once you might have turned away from self-protection.

01:12:05But reaching out to her was a thing to do.

01:12:06Now it's a rule of the heart that governs you, taking complete control.

01:12:11A rule of the heart that sets love apart.

01:12:12The power that made you whole.

01:12:13So don't be afraid of what you feel.

01:12:14Soon you'll realize.

01:12:15It's a rule of the heart that sets love apart.

01:12:16It's living in your heart.

01:12:17It's a rule of the heart that sets love apart.

01:12:21It's living in your eyes.

01:12:22So don't be afraid of what you feel.

01:12:23Soon you'll realize.

01:12:24A rule of the heart that sets love apart

01:12:28The power that made you whole

01:12:31So don't be afraid of what you feel

01:12:35Until you'll realize

01:12:37It's a rule of the heart that sets love apart

01:12:41It's living in your eyes

01:12:54You left yourself wide open for the first time

01:12:59Ready to meet your feelings face to face

01:13:06And through that mystic fire

01:13:10She slips beside you

01:13:12The emotion lifts you to a higher place

01:13:19Now it's a rule of the heart that governs you

01:13:24Taking complete control

01:13:27A rule of the heart that sets love apart

01:13:31The power that made you whole

01:13:34So don't be afraid of what you feel

01:13:38Until you'll realize

01:13:39It's a rule of the heart that sets love apart

01:13:44It's living in your eyes

01:13:49It's living in your eyes

01:14:14Oh, it's a rule of the heart that governs you

01:14:24Taking complete control

01:14:26A rule of the heart that sets love apart

01:14:30The power that made you whole

01:14:33So don't be afraid of what you feel

01:14:37Cause soon you'll realize

01:14:39It's a rule of the heart that sets love apart

01:14:43It's living in your eyes

01:14:46The rule of the heart that governs you

01:14:50It's taking complete control

01:14:53A rule of the heart that sets love apart

01:14:57It's living in your eyes

01:14:59Living in your eyes

01:15:02The world is a rule of the heart

01:15:06Yeah, living in your eyes

01:15:11The world is a rule of the heart

01:15:12Ah

01:15:26Fromwater

01:15:26And the world is a rule of the heart

01:15:26It's living in your eyes

01:15:27It's living in your eyes

01:15:28It's living in your eyes

01:15:28You

01:15:28Quemỡ

01:15:30You

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