‘Have those difficult conversations’: how do you cope with losing a loved one?

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We’re speaking to Richard Littledale who lost his wife eight years ago, and he says he still misses her every day. Grief never goes away, but it changes, and he says the best support he’s received is talking to people close to him about his wife and wants to encourage people to do the same.

Transcript

00:00I'm talking to you as part of a nationwide campaign, really, by Sue Ryder, to help people

00:06appreciate the degree of loneliness that goes along with bereavement.

00:11You know, eight out of ten people, when they're grieving, feel that they're doing so alone.

00:17And alarmingly, there's a very high percentage of people who feel they've got nowhere to

00:21turn.

00:21So I'm having this conversation with you because anything we can do to increase the

00:26visibility of the services that are available to people has got to be a good thing.

00:31You know, grief hurts.

00:33It sucks.

00:34It's dreadful.

00:35But if you can find things to help with it, then it's good to let people know about them.

00:41Losing any loved one can be devastating for people, whether it's a cousin you haven't

00:45seen for a few years or a parent or partner.

00:47It affects everyone differently, and there's no shame in grieving fully for that person.

00:51And there's no sliding scale of, you know, how much a different person matters to you.

00:58You know, you might lose an aunt of whom you were particularly fond.

01:02I lost my wife, who was my best friend.

01:04But both of those situations carry with them a weight of grief.

01:09And it's important that people know where they can turn to when they're trying to carry

01:13that weight with them.

01:15There are resources out there for people to use.

01:18Professional help, counselling and support.

01:20Richard says that it's just as important as any of it, is the face-to-face conversations

01:24with friends and family members that can make the biggest difference to people experiencing

01:29bereavement.

01:30Best advice would be look up Sue Ryder Griefkind.

01:36Look that up, and you'll find all kinds of resources there.

01:39That's one thing.

01:40But the other thing I would say is have conversations with people.

01:44Your best mate in the pub, or the person you do the park run with, or, you know, someone

01:48walking their dog alongside you.

01:51Talk about the person you're missing.

01:54And you'd be surprised by how compassionate people can be.

01:57They'll find it awkward at first.

01:59Three out of five people in the UK are worried about talking to someone who's been bereaved

02:03in case they get it wrong.

02:05You know, my personal experience has been, the worst thing you can do is not talk to me.

02:10Those tough conversations aren't guaranteed to go perfectly.

02:14They can be a bit awkward or uncomfortable to bring up lost loved ones to people, but

02:18those conversations are important no matter how well they go.

02:22It means that sometimes those conversations will go well, and sometimes they won't.

02:26But again, you know, from where I'm sitting, you know, I'm eight years in now to being a

02:31widower.

02:31But, you know, I would far rather that somebody had the conversation, and it might be a bit

02:37awkward, but I'll go away from it and say, well, thank goodness they spoke to me.

02:41So, you know, I think anything we can do to get rid of that fear that people have of saying,

02:47well, this is a dodgy subject and I won't touch it, has got to be a good thing.

02:52Because you don't know how lonely the person is that you're talking to.

02:56They might seem fine on the outside.

02:58We're all good at putting a mask on, aren't we?

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