Happy Endings-S3E1-360P

Love Animation

Transcript

00:00Penny, I know we've only known each other for a little while, and I know this is crazy, but...

00:09Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

00:12Will you take this leap with me?

00:14Of course I will.

00:16This is going to be a perfect marriage of adrenaline and danger.

00:21Now let's base jump, shall we?

00:23Okay.

00:24Ooh, pretty.

00:27All right.

00:27You ready?

00:30Yeah.

00:31Yeah?

00:32One, two, and I'm going to take the stairs.

00:38Oh, God. Penny, what is the matter with you?

00:41You are so pathetic.

00:42It's like, what are you so scared of?

00:44Take a risk for once in your life.

00:46Oh, no.

00:48Oh, my God.

00:52Oh, my God.

00:55Oh, my God.

00:56Oh, my God. I'm tired of watching this.

00:58How did she manage to fall around the landing?

01:01Oh, guys, guys, guys, guys, you know that I love a Penny pile-on as much as the next slut, but...

01:05Oh, damn right.

01:05...that was a massive fall, and we should all thank our lucky stars that Penny made it out of there unscathed.

01:10Agreed.

01:11Hey, boss.

01:12Oh, friendos, I did not make it out unscathed.

01:15I'm extremely scathed.

01:16I'm scathed.

01:17I know.

01:17Oh, my God.

01:18I'm laughing.

01:19Even the word.

01:20Even the word.

01:20I'm sorry, but it's funny.

01:21Serious, though, Dave and I have some big, potentially earth-shattering news.

01:25Now, we don't want to freak anybody out.

01:28No.

01:28But Alex and Dave are casually seeing each other.

01:33Oh, we near that.

01:34Gross.

01:34That is the least interesting pairing since chicken biscotti and pinot gris.

01:38What?

01:39Sorry.

01:40I've been watching a lot of Frasier.

01:41I know you're all terrified right now, and clearly that is why you're lashing out at us,

01:45but don't worry.

01:46We're not going to let this thing get too serious, because Alex and Dave, much like Dave's new haircut,

01:51are keeping it cash.

01:53Oy vey.

01:54Trust us.

01:55The last thing we want is for things to get complicated, like, and it's complicated.

01:58So we're just going to go with it, like, and just go with it and be friends with benefits,

02:01like, and no strings attached.

02:02Guys, could the focus please be back on me, okay?

02:05And could someone put this chip in my chip hole?

02:07I'm so hungry.

02:07No, Max, don't do it.

02:09Wait, are you still falling?

02:14Okay, laugh it up.

02:15It's like a slinky with breasts.

02:18Hey, guys, not cool.

02:19I died for two minutes in the ambulance.

02:23What?

02:23Wow, Dave, I am loving you in that robe.

02:42You look so happy and so relaxed.

02:46Thanks, babe.

02:47You're right.

02:47Getting laid off has been really good for me.

02:49I mean, it was a little weird at first, because I basically had a job since I was in, like,

02:53seventh grade.

02:54Well, now you can finally take a break.

02:55And you can start working on those hobbies that you've been putting off forever.

02:58Right?

02:59Like your dance cooking and your candle making.

03:01Mm-hmm.

03:02And I know you didn't forget about this guy.

03:06Aw!

03:08Sid Brad!

03:09What's up, my dude?

03:10Oh, now you're dead!

03:12Get him, get him, get him, get him.

03:13Your mama's so fat, she died.

03:21Sorry, I...

03:22I was just sad more than anything.

03:23Yeah.

03:24Yeah, I need to practice.

03:25It's a little rusty.

03:26Yeah, but you know what the best part of all of this is?

03:29Is that we've been able to hang out so much more.

03:31I mean, I have been coming so hard home from work just because I'm excited to have dinner

03:35with you.

03:36I mean, when you were working, we hardly spent any time together.

03:38And I know this is crazy, but I was scared that eventually we were going to turn into

03:43one of those couples that just slowly drifts away from each other.

03:46Babe, that will never be us, okay?

03:48Now you go to work and make that money for Papa.

03:50Yeah.

03:51All right?

03:52I'll just be here chilling all day.

03:54Thinking about you.

03:55Thinking about me.

03:56Thinking about you, negative.

03:59Let me get some of that.

04:00New.

04:04Have fun.

04:05Bye, baby.

04:06All right now.

04:08Give me that.

04:20Man, I love the workplace.

04:21Fluorescent lights, stale coffee, and the sweet sound of men quoting classic comedies.

04:25Yo, Williams, you're my boy, Blue?

04:27Yeah.

04:27So I got that going for me, which is nice.

04:30Okay.

04:31Vince Vaughn.

04:33Not great.

04:36Daddy's home.

04:38So I was thinking about it, and I think you and Dave casually dating is actually a great

04:45idea.

04:45Yo, yo.

04:47Here's your drink, friend.

04:49Bro.

04:50Bro v.

04:51Wade bromine lettuce.

04:52So what's the damage on my bevy?

04:54We go Dutch.

04:55It's more cash.

04:56Actually, the drinks were free.

04:58That bartender's over there was flirting with me, but I did not flirt back.

05:02I swear, dog.

05:03Oh.

05:04Well.

05:06You know what?

05:07It's totally cool, because flirting is inbound, bro.

05:11Lynn, comma, James.

05:13Husband of Streisand, comma, Barbara.

05:15Okay.

05:16Okay, brovine growth hormone.

05:18Here's to keeping it cash.

05:19Well, I'm out.

05:24You two have fun talking like two of Scott Conn's groomsmen.

05:27Yeah.

05:29So, what do you want to do now?

05:32I don't know.

05:34What do two pals do on a Tuesday afternoon?

05:38Most casual sex ever.

05:40Okay, I'm coming.

05:49All right.

05:50Ooh.

05:52We have your hot but not too hot tea, your cool but not too cool pillow, and a crustless

06:01sandow for baby.

06:02Oh, you're so sweet for taking care of me, Max.

06:05Oh, I hate to be this girl, but I do see some residual crust on that sandwich, and I thought

06:12that I'd made myself pretty crystal clear when I told you I wanted zero crust whatsoever

06:16because it hurts my teeth.

06:17Did you not feel I was clear?

06:19No, I felt you were very clear.

06:21Okay.

06:21I'm just gonna remove the crust.

06:24And here we go.

06:26Okay.

06:27Oh.

06:28There's no crust on the sandwich.

06:30But all your chit-chatting has left my tea cold.

06:33Okay.

06:34Do you know what, Penn?

06:35I have been busting my humps being your male nurse because I genuinely love these gift

06:41baskets.

06:42And to a lesser extent, you, you know, because we're best friends and we love each other

06:45and all that barf, but you are the worst patient ever.

06:48So if you will excuse me, I'm taking this gift basket and this gift basket with the salami,

06:54and you are coming with me.

06:56Hey, Rich.

06:57And I will say to you.

06:58Good day, sir.

06:59Good day to you, madam.

07:01Oh, get out of here, Monsignor.

07:03I will see you later, governor.

07:04Hello.

07:06Hey, you.

07:08I'm Kent.

07:09Penny's new physical therapist.

07:11Hi.

07:12Hey, you brought us some gift baskets.

07:14What a good friend.

07:15Well, two things you should know about me, Kent.

07:18I'm selfless and have moves like Jagger, specifically the ones he allegedly used on David Bowie in

07:24the 70s.

07:25Huh.

07:29Whoa, Al.

07:30What is with this outfit?

07:31You look like the Olsen twins' burnout brother, Larry Kate Olsen.

07:33Come on.

07:34His middle name is also Kate.

07:36You're obviously dressed like this because he slept at Dave's, and you like wearing his

07:39clothes, which is the opposite of casual.

07:42You, sister, are in a serious relationship.

07:44What?

07:45No, his shirts are just comfy, okay?

07:48We're totally cash.

07:48We slept head to toe.

07:49It doesn't count.

07:50Oh, it counts.

07:52I'll tell you what doesn't count.

07:54The Miami Heat's most recent NBA championship.

07:56It was an injury-plagued, strike-shortened season.

07:58Therefore, LeBron still needs six rings to even get in a conversation with Jordan.

08:02Are you done?

08:02No.

08:03Also, Chris Bosh looks like one of Omar's boyfriends from The Wire.

08:05Whatever, Jane.

08:07Okay?

08:07Dave and Alex are not serious, okay?

08:10In fact, with someone in a serious relationship, ask this smoking hot bartender for her number

08:16so that her and Dave could go out on a date.

08:18I don't know what you're...

08:19That makes no sense.

08:20Well, watch me.

08:22Yo, yo, yo, Carissa.

08:23Yo.

08:24What's up?

08:25You remember my boy Dave you were making suck eyes at?

08:28Well, he's sweating you, so if you give me your digits, he'll hit you up.

08:31Great.

08:33Yep.

08:34Yep.

08:36Careful of my hammy.

08:39I wish I got this.

08:41For Penny.

08:42If that's the doctor, will you ask if I can still get out of this cast tomorrow?

08:45Yeah.

08:46Hey, Doc.

08:46Oh, my God.

08:50Tomorrow.

08:51Oh, careful.

08:56Yeah, you know what?

08:57Penny's actually in Bolivia.

09:00Turns out a body cast is perfect for Narco Traficante.

09:03I'll hit you up if she makes it out of the game.

09:05Peace.

09:06Pan, I got some bummer news.

09:09Doc says you're going to have to be in that cast for at least another week.

09:11Another week?

09:12But this thing sucks.

09:13Yeah, it's about to get a lot suckier.

09:15Doc prescribes double the amount of physical therapy.

09:18Oh, man.

09:18Kent?

09:19Doc also prescribes that you're going to have to start showing up here in bike shorts and a Jim McMahon jersey from now on.

09:24Doc's orders.

09:25Sounds like an odd request.

09:27But, uh...

09:27I'm in.

09:28Careful.

09:31Go long.

09:32Ah!

09:33Max!

09:34Yeah, you've just been, uh, making candles all day.

09:37Also worked with Sinbred for a while.

09:38Getting pretty bad at it.

09:40Which is how Sinbred says good, because he's got a 90s sensibility.

09:43You are so hot when you're hobbying.

09:44I could just eat you up.

09:46How about instead you eat my beef?

09:48Broken onion.

09:49I've been braising all day.

09:50See you at dinner, babe.

09:51Dinner is served.

10:03This looks delicious.

10:05Doesn't it?

10:06And these candles, beautiful.

10:08You got so much done today, my little stay-at-home husband.

10:12My cute little mister wife.

10:14My wifey.

10:15My girl.

10:16My little girl.

10:18My bitch.

10:18You bitch.

10:19Who's my tiny miniature bitch?

10:20All right.

10:21You know, I felt it after the second bitch.

10:23Ugh.

10:24You guys are in such a serious relationship.

10:26Yeah.

10:26We're married.

10:27Sucks for you.

10:28Really?

10:28Alex sucks for us?

10:30Why don't you tell us how keeping it cash is going, huh?

10:31You're here.

10:33Uninvited.

10:33What's Dave up to?

10:34Well, Jane, if you must know, Dave is currently getting his goatee highlighted in anticipation

10:38of his date tomorrow with that hot bartender, Carissa.

10:42Hey, what?

10:43What?

10:44Huh?

10:45So what are you trying to accomplish with all this dating other people stuff?

10:48It's simple.

10:48Dave will go out with a hot-ass hoe.

10:50They'll have some sex.

10:51They'll fall in love.

10:52Excuse me.

10:56That girl's so whack, her first name should be Nick-Nack Patty.

10:59Oh, snap!

11:09Yellow, you got Penny.

11:11Hey, Doc.

11:12What?

11:14Now, who told you I was in Bolivia?

11:16Penny's best friend coming in hot with a refill.

11:19Okay, I'm going to call you back.

11:21I'll take to you later.

11:22Bye.

11:24Hey, Max.

11:26That was my travel agent.

11:28Just thinking about taking kind of a post-cast trip for when I'm ready to get back out there.

11:33But I don't know where to go.

11:34Where should I go?

11:35You have any ideas of good countries that are, say, I don't know, in South America?

11:41No.

11:42Why are you using a travel agent?

11:44The only travel agent you need is a time travel agent.

11:47Take you back to a time when people still use travel agents.

11:49Yes!

11:50Max, keep it cool.

11:51Put your chest.

11:52Bolivia.

11:53What do you know about Bolivia?

11:55I heard it's beautiful.

11:56In fact, Lonely Planet calls it the house that Raul Julia built, and I'm caught.

11:59I can't believe you've been holding me hostage in my own body cast.

12:02You're miserying me.

12:04I'm sorry that I'm miserying you.

12:05It's just I'm so heart-crushing on Kent right now.

12:08Oh, well, your precious Kent is in for a crude awakening when I tell him what a horrible person you are.

12:12You're right.

12:14I done you dirty.

12:15I done done you dirty, girl, and I am sorry.

12:18What do you say you get back into bed, grab another sip on the old tea, we'll call the doctor, and maybe we get this thing taken off in the morning, okay?

12:27Okay.

12:29But I have to say, I am really tired.

12:32Tired.

12:34I'm so tired of this.

12:37Tired, tired.

12:37Oh.

12:40You sleepy-teed me.

12:42Mm-hmm.

12:45Sleeping-tons.

12:46Nature's lullaby.

12:48I guess now Kent will have to do all those stretches that he was supposed to do on you.

12:52On me.

12:54But even four bags shouldn't make me this tired.

12:58Mm.

12:59Lunesta.

13:00Nature's ambien.

13:01You're a monster.

13:03Oh, there's Kent.

13:05Fluff out the chesties.

13:07What?

13:08So, basically, Alex and I are, like, Tango and Cash, or Franklin and Cash, or Rizzoli and Isles and Cash.

13:16Now, I know that last one isn't that good, but she said it once, and we both thought it was really cute, so we both kept saying it.

13:22Oh, cool.

13:24That sounds hilarious.

13:25Yeah.

13:26And you guys are really okay with each other dating other people.

13:29It's totally cool.

13:30Dave?

13:32Dave?

13:33You guys go here?

13:35Al.

13:35Well, who's this enormous?

13:40Julian.

13:42And?

13:43I've been in Playgirl.

13:47Hey, boobs.

13:50Just working.

13:51On my hobbies.

13:53Cute.

13:53Why don't you take a breather and meet me for a drink?

13:58Ah, babe, you know I'd love to, but I just, um, uh, stepped into a bubble bath.

14:06Oh, that is a much better idea.

14:09I am going to come so hard home right now and hop in that tub with you.

14:12I could play Loch Ness Monster.

14:14Okay.

14:17Babe.

14:19Stoller!

14:19Who's ready for a nasty sighting?

14:32Hey!

14:34Yeah, it's about time, Gabe.

14:37I've been in this tub so long I'm starting to look like a California raisin.

14:40Just let me slip into something a little more naked.

14:43Oh, my God, are you...

14:56Damn.

14:57Why are you in a suit?

14:59Um, well, funny, funny story.

15:02Um, so you know I said I haven't been working for the last three weeks?

15:05Mm-hmm.

15:06Well, I've been working for the last three weeks.

15:10Surprise!

15:11No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

15:14Let me get this straight.

15:16Yeah.

15:16Hmm?

15:17You've been lying to me for three weeks?

15:20Hey, well, when you put it like that, yeah.

15:23Look, baby, I'm sorry.

15:26I love you.

15:28No.

15:31I want it!

15:35Oh, yeah.

15:37You feel that in the glute?

15:39It's real tight.

15:39Oh, yeah.

15:41Yeah.

15:42The music's pretty good, huh?

15:44Yeah.

15:45This is my one-man experimental band called Yoko Uno.

15:48Oh, nice.

15:52Ken?

15:53Ken?

15:54Ken?

15:55Help?

15:56Me?

15:58Ken?

16:00Max is misery-ing me.

16:02He's like Kathy Bates, only way better.

16:06Ow!

16:08You hear that?

16:10Could be anything.

16:11Except for Penny, because she is confirmed asleep.

16:13Let's just crank up the Uno and...

16:15Come on.

16:21Please.

16:21So, this is nice.

16:38Carissa, Dave tells me that you're from Florida.

16:40Yeah, Miami.

16:42Go, Heat!

16:43Wait, wait.

16:54This is obviously not working.

16:56Seems like it's working just fine to me, but don't overthink it.

16:59No, no.

17:00Not that.

17:01I mean this whole keeping it cash thing.

17:06Honestly, I don't want to see anybody else.

17:08Neither do I.

17:08Hey, I mean, when I saw you with Carissa today, it took everything in my tiny body not to slap

17:12the crunchy curl out of her hair and send her back to whatever monster truck backseat

17:15she was born in.

17:16What makes you think she was born in a monster truck?

17:18She said she was from Florida.

17:22You know, Wendy Williams said something on her show yesterday that really resonated with

17:26me.

17:26She said, girl, you cannot move backwards in a relationship.

17:32So what do we do, girl?

17:34I guess we move forward.

17:37Come here.

17:38Be sure to show Penny those stretches.

17:44Yeah, definitely.

17:45Hey, I don't know if this would be weird, but maybe you want to go get a drink sometime?

17:50Yeah, I'd like that.

17:51Call me.

17:52And, uh, and tell Penny I say hey.

17:54Tell her yourself!

17:56Penny?

17:57Max is a complete phony.

17:59He has been miserying me.

18:01He lied about my doctor's appointment.

18:02Then he drugged me to be alone with you.

18:05Then I escaped.

18:05And I got caught in this gate, peed on, and graffitied by a bunch of kids.

18:10Although, on the plus side, I seriously think this might be a Banksy.

18:15Max, is this true?

18:16Yes, but, Kent, I did it for us.

18:18When we're together, and we're looking into each other's faces.

18:21You know what?

18:22Forget it.

18:22I'm a skis.

18:23Get the hell out of here.

18:23You want to get a calzone?

18:29Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

18:30Please, Penn.

18:32I'm sorry.

18:33It's just, I'm boy crazy right now.

18:35You know what that's like.

18:35You would have done the same thing to me.

18:37What?

18:37I would never.

18:39Oh.

18:40I actually did do the same thing to you.

18:44Tell him yourself!

18:47Wow.

18:48We really are perfect for each other.

18:51Are you sure you're gay?

18:52You tell me.

18:53Right now I'm writing a hot in Cleveland spec script, and I just had sex with Kent in your

18:56powder room, so...

18:58All the best ones are gay.

19:00Or dating your friend.

19:01Zip it.

19:01I thought we were never going to talk about my whole Dave thing.

19:04I don't even feel that way about him anymore.

19:06Although if Alex were to say move away or become dead and asked me to marry him in her

19:10absence, I would certainly consider it for her sake and for Dave's sake.

19:13I was talking about this hot guy Greg that I met who's not dating my friend, Tim.

19:19Me too.

19:20Sure you are.

19:21Come in.

19:22Bring it in.

19:23Can't do anything but bring it in.

19:26I'm here.

19:29Brad?

19:30Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?

19:32Or you have your suit on under your robe.

19:34Huh?

19:34Jane, I am really sorry that I lied.

19:37Whatever.

19:37I don't want to hear another word from you.

19:39What about from me, baby girl?

19:44Come on, skinny stack.

19:47Brad, sorry.

19:48You're the man out.

19:49You've gotten really good at that.

19:51I know.

19:51Babe, you were right about me needing some time off.

19:54So I quit that job.

19:56Really?

19:57Yeah.

19:58Look, job or no job, I just...

20:00I want you to do what's going to make you happy.

20:02I know.

20:03But listen, spending all this time working with Sin Brad has made me realize something.

20:08He's more than just a dummy.

20:10Oh.

20:10He's the perfect metaphor for my life.

20:13You see, Sin Brad is me, and my job is my hand.

20:17Wait.

20:17Not your best.

20:20But I am done letting more control me, okay?

20:23And we'll never drift apart.

20:26My babe.

20:27Boo bear.

20:30Ain't no fun if the homies can't have none.

20:35Hey.

20:37Oh.

20:38Brad, you can leave.

20:39We all see that having a secret charm didn't work out for me.

20:53Jane was mad.

20:55Brad fell out of the bath.

20:58I did.

20:58Meanwhile, Max.

21:01Brugged his girlfriend, Penny, in a half-body cast.

21:05While Max gave Kent a blast.

21:09And the knee.

21:11And the knee.

21:13Dave and Alex are dating.

21:17Casually.

21:19Hold on.

21:19Where are those two homies?

21:21Hey, guys!

21:22We're moving in together!

21:24Terrible idea.

21:25Terrible.

21:25It's a terrible idea.

21:26Oh, snap!

21:29Hello!

21:29We're moving in together.

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