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Rapid Reel
  • 6/13/2025
#CinemaJourney
#Grimsburg
Transcript
00:00Extra wet double soaker with a side of drippy fries, and hurry, I have to drive through
00:08residential areas and wake people up with my tiny bu- big engine!
00:12Ugh, come on!
00:17Honk.
00:18Get out of the way, goose!
00:21Honk.
00:23You better not mess up my bumper when I run you over or I'm good at you!
00:38Honk.
00:39Woah!
00:41Huh!
00:42Honk!
00:56cool car...
00:58Unk!
00:59Honk.
01:00so today i would like to what's going on is this a religious service an aa meeting a roast if so
01:28i've got some good material winona's been sampled by so many djs spotify should send her a royalty
01:33flute these are the new morning meetings we'll be having now that i'm the chief did you not get the
01:38invite oh i got your invite and then i wiped my butt with it and threw it in the trash i sent it
01:42in an email which is why i need a new laptop sit down and put your sandwich away now that i'm in
01:50charge things will be different around here according to my new book on steve jobs leadership
01:55style the key to running a tight ship is to think different while wearing the same outfit over and
02:01over again until it smells terrible also i will no longer be acknowledging my first child why are we
02:06changing things i mean this place ran just fine before back me up on how stupid your new boss is
02:10being summers uh summers isn't here right now please leave a message oh hey summer sorry i missed you
02:17but don't you agree things ran just fine back the voicemail box is full and does not want to take
02:21sides goodbye body found in the soaker's parking lot team let's move can we talk about getting me a
02:32window in here that did you leave already that's right i wouldn't know because i don't have a window
02:42hi i'm harmony i'll be chaperoning your field trip today to city hall i never went to middle school
02:47because i was raised in the wild so i am super excited to finally see what sixth grade is all about
02:53i hope my boobs don't look like that when i'm 60. i'm 38. so is my court-appointed therapist
03:01oh that little bitch i'm obsessed who is she that's khaleesi she's the coolest girl in our class
03:07rumor has it she's dating a ghost who's in high school she was so mean to me yet all i want to do is
03:12whatever she wants that you'll like me what's happening welcome to middle school as you know
03:18the legal voting age in this country is 18 and over except in grimsburg where our constitution clearly
03:25states voters must be under the age of 18. while most believe this was a simple typo unfortunately
03:31our 23rd amendment is no take backs so with election season upon us nerd alert
03:37hey winona did you see how stupid martinez looked with her new professional pantsuit and
03:46professional hairdo and professional lack of laughter when i put my butt up to the drive-thru
03:50mic and ordered three medium and a large chocolate don't drag me into your office hate affair with
03:56martinez this is why i hang with dead people they don't put me in the middle unless i pose them that
04:01way look things have changed and you need to accept that because this little spat between you two is
04:07destroying the office vibe a vibe i've worked tirelessly to cultivate i didn't put that cactus
04:12agave candle in the bathroom to have you ruin it fix your beef with martinez there's nothing wrong with
04:16my beef my beef is fine her beef stinks i just want to go back to the old system where i do what i want
04:22when i want how i want why i want where i want who i want whom i want and the lesser known but equally
04:27effective whomst i want new rule no more crime mind the crime mind is my whole thing without it i'm
04:40just the best looking detective in the office whomst do you think you arst i asked your boss which means
04:46i make the rules so from now on we wear gloves when handling evidence and what happens if i do this
04:52or this or this okay that's it now what are you gonna do huh yell at me call me a doofus curse me
05:04out and out of the language you speak no i'm going to write you up for insubordination here's your
05:12three medium and one chocolate sir welcome child voters you're buzzing bible now my posters say you
05:24are a swing great for me in this election and i respect that no cap which is why i'll prove i'm the
05:30only candidate who will fight for you in fortnite so that we can build something great in minecraft
05:36and together we can tear down any roblox that get in our way
05:43now let's get to the real pandering children please say hello to
05:49what the if you'll excuse me for a moment oh hey harmony he and i used to do it it's okay his wife
05:58knew she sometimes watched but then i was over it and now mrs dilquez and i are best friends adult sex
06:04it's complicated you're so mother i love it you're with us today take this it's made of substitute
06:12teacher hair i can smell their fear of you it gives me no pleasure punishing you i look orgasmic for
06:21other reasons oh yeah well i can write stuff down too mayor thank god you're here i'm filing a report
06:28on martinez it's all there my goose is loose and used to us need to find that goose so vamos i just
06:36watched the lorax we're kind of on a murder investigation isn't this a job for animal control
06:42sorry but frank and the gang have their hands full this week with another wacky but emotionally grounded
06:46adventure so you need to find him and be careful my goose is special i'll find your goose but if i do
06:54martinez can no longer be my boss maya would you please explain to flute that the reason i got this
07:00job over him is because i don't care about your departmental squibble squabbles so whoever finds
07:05my goose can have whatever they want oh and if neither of you find him you're both fired we accept your wild
07:24i'm gonna make you the smartest goose it's a low bar but we're passing it
07:45hunk shh hunk
07:54ah not the eyes i need them for reading because i'm a librarian
08:10time to get that goose which will get martinez's goose and then things will be back to the glorious
08:14gooseless godless way it was before let's go you silly goose i'm sorry that was in poor taste
08:21i'm doing this alone great everyone else is on my team what that's not fair i want a team too you
08:26just want them because i have them no doi that's how petty jealousy works i'm sorry would you mind
08:32stepping up on a chair my back is killing me today i'm the boss you come down to me fine
08:42you can't tell me what to do hey hey we've got a better chance of saving the vibe and catching the
08:47goose if we all work together exactly together on separate teams pitted against each other let's pick
08:59ladies and whatever you are first can i have a second to practice my surprise face when you pick
09:05me over winona but i don't want to be on anybody's team i want to be neutral like switzerland or
09:11journalists before the 1990s summers you're with me don't worry you'll be my man on the inside team
09:17secret flute oh do we get code names i'm already regretting this and i'm dr marzipan these are the
09:26giant scissors i used to cut the ribbon for the mall that burned down ah these i used to open the casino
09:31that exploded this oh this oh my god this one where's the cool thing you promised us yeah we're sick
09:38of this we want taylor's version uh almost ready but first my wife
09:50good one honey moving on i'm in with a cool crowd we're wearing the wrong jeans i'll fill you in later
09:55during the last election you replaced all of grimsburg's subways with zip lines to make public
10:00transportation quote greener and super rizzed up have they actually lowered emissions even though the buses
10:07you take to the top run on diesel uh who wants to see an execution huh
10:19afternoon crying book officer tell me everything you know i already told the other detectives the
10:24goose attacked me after i caught it reading wait are you trying to tell me that martinez beat us here
10:30great job winona now i'm gonna lose because you're slowing me down like matt damon slows down ben affleck
10:35hey i didn't ask to be a part of this so stop taking your frustrations out on me and matt damon
10:40he's clearly the alpha in that relationship it's true whatever we're wasting time we gotta find out
10:45what martinez knows all right one of them is a superhero and the other one bought a zoo come on
10:51where are you going next go see hello already regretting this go for dr marzipan sup my team's
11:03doing great we basically solved it so we're just chilling looking at zillow porn found a castle in
11:07idaho for 90 grand thinking about it but while i gotcha tell me everything martinez knows who are you
11:12talking to uh my best friend clarinet you wouldn't know him he's a single dad with a drinking problem who
11:20thinks i didn't see him cry over a hot dog he dropped at a baseball game it cost 12 and was in
11:25a souvenir fund i can't believe you betrayed me don't worry summers i could use a guy like you
11:32on my team winona is being a total matt damon i'm fine with those apples winona want to join my team
11:38i'll let you take a body home this week why can't we just get along with the fire department and make
11:43sexy calendars together like a real public safety office well you two finally did it you killed the
11:50vibe you can't kill a vibe it's not even real not real not real then why would spencer's gift sell
11:57a vibe meter we're at a two so now i have to go save the vibe and find this goose without you
12:03well at least you still got me get out truck explosion at the breadcrumb factory assailant
12:11described as short white and covered in feathers my god bjork is back not this time reports are it's
12:18a goose who was last seen flying south towards the grimsburg pie scraper not that i could see it in
12:26here all i can see is a 1998 dilbert a day calendar and i'm starting to find it funny help me
12:35and in regards to fracking what did you mean when you said unprotected fracking is fine if they
12:41look clean stan can i see you in my office we got this as long as he doesn't have one of those matt
12:48lower desk buttons all right who sent you the opposition the news is your caper camera that's
12:55actually very blush who makes this i just want to be an informed voter why the system is what it is
13:02and we just choose a new bozo to pop at the top and i want to stay that bozo i'll give you whatever
13:06you want to stop this informed nonsense now this is real politics sanity grief pobs and back door deal
13:14tell him we want arson legalized mayor we need to talk your goose is reading committing random acts of
13:21violence and ruining my work vibe look i've got an election to win and what do children love most
13:27rituals of violence talking animals so i went on the dark web and got the goose one of those limitless
13:34pills from that movie but i worried it might not be real because you know it's just a movie so i also
13:39gave him some cph4 pills from the movie lucy a few red pills from the matrix and everything they took in
13:44the wall of wall street so you made a limitless lucy talking goose a talking goose
14:05the grimsburg pie scraper the pie factory in the sky that the mayor built after misunderstanding what it
14:09meant to promise voters that very thing i can't believe we have to work for that idiot now you know
14:14how i feel honk here mother goes come on there you go we like the same size same size same team
14:24no no no come to me i've got a pocket full of scratch offs i can't tell if i won and this
14:29sandwich somebody wouldn't let me eat wait hey little birdie honk honk you like hoagie honk honk
14:39wait flu don't i think that goose killed the guy at the drive-thru killer goose
14:43nice try ha i win thank you mayor's goose i am the mayor's goose what's wrong martinez jealous the
14:55goose isn't asking you ominous questions talking goose now it all makes sense the mayor may be he is
15:04responsible for who i have become and now he must take responsibility for what i must do
15:21well there goes our goose no there goes our jobs starting to wish that was bjork oh you though no you're
15:28right the goose is headed to city hall to the stairs stairs there's no time we have to jump it's way
15:37faster look for a french cafe awning we can bounce off of there she is i thought i'd never see you
15:45again after you sold out how did i sell out reading all your management books and wearing that stupid
15:50power suit you look like you're cosplaying as a ladies college basketball coach you know what i don't
15:54love this outfit either but at least i don't look like i'm smuggling a basketball into my shirt really
15:59a fat joke in this climate grow up oh wait you already tried that that's a short joke those are
16:05still in play no one's made a stink about those yet speaking of stink don't you dare this is russell
16:11by kurt for kurt russell cologne stupid me stupid you stupid i thought the stupidest thing in town was
16:16the mayor's pie scraper until i met you that's not the stupidest thing i've ever heard because everyone
16:20knows the stupidest thing in town is the mayor's zipline wait what did you say i said that's the
16:25stupidest thing i've ever heard no the other thing russell by kurt there was the basketball thing
16:30teeth no the zipline
16:37i figured it out first how can you figure it out
16:45all right we're gonna have to pay all these kids cash candy and a sip of beer you know the drill
16:49yes yes my gift to you a talking goose please don't kill me i cannot kill you because i need you
17:04well once i was happy to eat moss and bugs in a lake now i look upon those joys with confusion and
17:10disdain i dream of ignorance make me a goose again look i wish i could change your back but i just can't
17:19dare make a movie called limitless less hands up feathers up wings change me back or he gets it
17:29oh yeah goose well two can play at that game put your gun down or she gets it
17:37wow she means nothing to me join the club she means nothing to me too i mean she used to before
17:43she got all boring and started dressing like pat summit wait used to what do you mean by that
17:48elaborate i would never how about now fine ever since i lost this promotion i feel like i've lost my
17:56best enemy i miss us so you're not jealous that i'm the chief no i just want you to be a detective
18:02again so we can go back to spiting each other as equals everything is weird now not like you'd care
18:07maybe i do then prove it hot shot oh okay fine i miss it too my love language is hate but there's
18:15nothing we can do why not wait i think i need the gun again you can have mine now we're good why not
18:24because i'm your boss now i can't fight with you anymore can't you see that enough can't you see
18:30that fighting is what makes you both better we have no idea what you're talking about how about now
18:37punks he's right once we started fighting we figured out how to get off that pie scraper
18:43but if we can't fight anymore then i'm done with this and that this i'm referring to is living
18:52no flute don't do it i know everything seems different now but but but nothing has changed
19:01what just because someone is different does not mean everything must change even though i am now
19:07all-knowing it does not mean i cannot still be a gruesome bread friends or lunge at an unsupervised
19:12toddler in the park so just because she's my boss doesn't mean we can't hate each other
19:23i hate you always will and i wish you had pulled that trigger and killed yourself doofus
19:31no by the power vested in me by the hard-working children of this city i hereby pardon him
19:37because i cannot kill the goose that lays the golden egg of truth
19:43i guess the only thing that i really care about in politics is compassion
19:47oh am god he's crying what a loser baby i know this will end my time as a popular sixth grader but
19:59that loser baby is my baby and i am so mother his mother a mother i don't even know if i'm saying
20:07any of this right but you know what i don't care
20:12not caring that is so father
20:19body found at the corner of diane lane and peekaboo street
20:22team let's move uh-oh are mom and dad gonna fight nope good job today numbnuts
20:30it's actually numbnut and thank you vibe so good i don't even have to check team let's move
20:38take the lead chief
20:50and while i never consented to the changes thrust upon me i now see that change often brings us into a
21:02new light
21:06you know like how they change the batmans all the time
21:09oh i see which is why today i announce my candidacy for mayor
21:15and together we will demand the change
21:24now that's what we promise change can we go now i'm so freaking bored
21:30now