00:00It started off as your standard day entry cruise, me Bob the Boat Frog and a few folks just soaking in the sights, snakes doing their slither, kingfishers darting about like feathery missiles and the sweet hum of humidity settling into our socks, classic peaceful, let it show them even.
00:29But then she appeared.
00:30At first I thought we'd drifted into some kind of amphibian fashion shoot.
00:36There she was.
00:36She wasn't just posing.
00:38She was serving and she was serving it up hot, standing bold as brass on two perfect toned frog legs, one leg stretched out.
00:45And I mean, stretched like a glossy green noodle legs longer than a wet Tuesday, glowing green skin, catching the sunlight like she'd been dipped in dew and sin.
00:59Wearing nothing but skin, baby.
01:02Not a lily pad or fig leaf in sight.
01:06Just pure, unfiltered frog flesh, oiled up by evolution and flaunted like nature's finest work of smut.
01:18Both hands gripping a mangrove root like it owed her money.
01:25The pole somewhere between ancient goddess of fertility.
01:29And I just got my nails done.
01:32Now I'm here to ruin lives.
01:38And poor Bob, he was gone.
01:40Absolutely toast.
01:41Full frog.
01:42Meltdown.
01:43Look, I tried to keep him focused.
01:45Keep him decent.
01:46I really did.
01:47But the minute she appeared, the very moment that sultry seductress showed off that scandalous flash of inner thigh, Bob lost the will to live modestly.
01:58His breath hitched, his pupils dilated, and I swear the little bloke let out a moan.
02:05She's divine.
02:06She's frog-filled.
02:08She's the reason I have knees.
02:10So if anyone's offended by the commentary, don't write to me.
02:15Talk to Bob.
02:16Don't come at me about the wolf whistles or the lewd, sexist remarks.
02:24Talk to Bob.
02:26He was loud and proud and absolutely unfiltered.
02:30He's got the libido of a tropical storm.
02:34And the self-restraint of a cane toad in a summer storm.
02:39I'm just a bloke trying to keep the cruise PG while the swamp turns into an amphibian cabaret of unholy desire.
