- 6/8/2025
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*** All character names and images within this site are the sole property of their respective copyright holders.
** The material presented here is intended for entertainment and historical purposes only.
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TVTranscript
00:00La la la
00:07And now direct from Encino
00:09America's favorite pilot and president of the Spongebob Squarepants fan club
00:15Pachy the Pirate
00:22Yo ho ho, yo ho ho, yo ho ho ho
00:26Oh, hi, I'm Pachy the Pirate, president of the Spongebob Squarepants fan club
00:41Hey, that's better
00:43Squawk! Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
00:46That's right, Potty, it is Christmas
00:50And there ain't nothing better in the seven seas than a Bikini Bottom Christmas
00:56It sure is a magical time of year
01:02Why, I'll bet old Spongebob is gearing up for Santa Claus right now
01:07I sure am
01:15I'm ready
01:19Not bad for a creature with no vertebrae
01:22And I'm sure our pal Patrick is doing his share of the decorating
01:27I too am also preparing for Christmas
01:39Mmm, unbaked cookie dough
01:45Potty want cookie dough
01:47No!
01:48Cookie! Potty, no!
01:49Cookie! Potty!
01:50Get out of here!
01:51Cookie! Potty!
01:52Give us a lick
01:54Back off, you flying freak
01:57Crack, clarify please
01:59This here cookie dough's for the children
02:02Not for pesky parrots
02:06What's that?
02:08Three bells!
02:09Well, we all know what three bells means
02:12Free ice cream
02:14No, you silly livers
02:17No!
02:19Man overboard?
02:21You, I'm ignoring
02:23No!
02:24It's time to open fan letters
02:27Oh!
02:28Thank you, Potty
02:30Okay, Potty
02:31Thank you
02:33Come on!
02:34Give it your bird brain
02:37Quiet infernal bird
02:44This letter comes to us from
02:45Name and address withheld
02:52And he writes
02:55Dear SpongeBob
02:57I am ten years old
02:59And I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do
03:02Sincerely yours
03:04Name and address withheld
03:06A very good question
03:08But you know, they didn't always celebrate Christmas in Bikini Bottom
03:12Quack! They didn't?
03:14No, sir, my fine feathered little neck pain
03:17Back four!
03:23There was a time when no one had even heard of Christmas in Bikini Bottom
03:28Hey! Who wants to hear the story of SpongeBob's very first Christmas?
03:32Squawk!
03:35Potty!
03:39There ain't all me cookie dough
03:42Squawk!
03:46Oh, well!
03:47On with the show!
03:48Today, I'm gonna sneak up and get that Sandy with a super sneaky karate move
04:10Woo!
04:11Ha!
04:12Woo!
04:13Hee!
04:14Woo!
04:15Hi!
04:23What diabolical act is she committing now?
04:27Fire!
04:29Don't worry, Sandy!
04:30I'm coming!
04:36Stand back, Sandy!
04:38Fire!
04:41Huh?
04:43So I guess there's no fire?
04:45What in the name of the Alamo is wrong with you, SpongeBob?
04:48Ain't you never seen a Christmas tree before?
04:51Christmas who?
04:53What? Y'all never heard of Christmas?
04:56Is she a friend from Texas?
04:58No! I can't believe y'all haven't heard about Christmas!
05:04Tell me more about this!
05:06Christmas!
05:07Christmas!
05:09And so Sandy wove a magical tale of gumdrops and penny whistles.
05:15She told of toy-making elves and flying reindeer.
05:19But best of all, she told of the one they call Santa Claus.
05:24And everyone pretends to like the fruitcake.
05:32Yawn.
05:34But the best part is, you can write a letter to this guy, Santa Claus, and tell him what you want, and when he comes, he brings it to you.
05:41Just like a genie!
05:43Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
05:45I don't know about you lovers, but any fella who's giving away free stuff is a friend o' mine!
05:51That's the spirit, Mr. Krabs! Here you go! You can get started on your letter!
05:55I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts!
06:02Like a genie!
06:05Pipe down, Squidward! I'm trying to concentrate!
06:09This thing is as good as a blank chick, direct from the First National Bank of Santa Claus!
06:15Uh, brother.
06:17Yeah.
06:19Okay, who's next?
06:21Oh, maybe!
06:23Here you go, Patrick.
06:25There's no words on this paper.
06:27Not yet!
06:29Yippee! A writing stick!
06:31Come on, Squidward. Write a letter.
06:33SpongeBob, grow up, will ya?
06:35No one's gonna give me a gift just because I write them a stupid letter!
06:40SpongeBob, I ripped my paper!
06:43Could I have another one?
06:45Here, buddy. Here you go.
06:47Okey-dokey, Squidward.
06:50Uh, SpongeBob?
06:52Oh, gosh.
06:55Dear San...
06:57Oh, not again!
06:59Here, Patrick, watch me!
07:01Dear Santa, what do I want for Christmas, you may ask?
07:05All I want is for you to visit the gentle folk here in Bikini Bottom.
07:10That is my wish.
07:15Patrick, I designed this mechanism specifically to shoot bottles to the surface. The hopes of everyone rest on the success of its maiden voyage.
07:25Fire in the hole!
07:26Santa!
07:29Santa!
07:33Where's Santa?
07:34He doesn't come till Christmas Eve.
07:36Okay, boy, my demands, er, I mean, letter, is ready to go.
07:41Great, Mr. Krabs. What did you wish for?
07:43A pony.
07:45Really?
07:47With saddlebags full of money!
07:52Here you go, SpongeBob.
07:54What did you wish for, Patrick?
07:56Another piece of paper.
07:57And what did you wish for, little girl?
08:02What, Chief?
08:04I could use a new hat.
08:08I need a new hairstyle.
08:11I'd like a glass of water for my teeth.
08:14Excuse me, coming through. Out of the way.
08:16Great, Squidward. You finished. What's your wish?
08:18My wish is that the people of Bikini Bottom will stop paying any attention to the inane dribble that is constantly streaming out of this thunderhead's mouth.
08:37Gee, Squidward, maybe Santa will bring me a dictionary so I can understand what you just said.
08:43Okay, everybody, we've got a lot to do now that we've summoned Santa Claus.
08:48We must ready ourselves for his arrival.
08:50Hooray!
08:53It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday.
08:58Not your normal average everyday.
09:01Sounds like someone filled my old coral tree.
09:06SpongeBob, Patrick, why'd you do this to me?
09:11The world feels like it's in love early.
09:15Go away before I harm you bodily.
09:19This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me.
09:24They'll be shopping, decorating, and plenty of snow.
09:33Hey, Patrick, who's that under the mistletoe?
09:37What? Who? Me?
09:39Would you look at the time I should go?
09:43People seem a little more brotherly.
09:50Here's a special something to you from me.
09:54Even all the trash on Christmas that smells so sweetly.
10:01This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me.
10:05What do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy?
10:19Step outside, we've got something for you to see.
10:23SpongeBob, take this stuff down immediately.
10:28Chestnuts roasting and burns in the third degree.
10:31Tonight things are as good as they seem to be.
10:36A star on top will complete all the scenery.
10:41This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me.
10:49This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me.
10:56Is Squidward right? Can there be a Christmas under the sea?
11:04Stay tuned.
11:09So, SpongeBob was sending the last of the letters to Santa.
11:15I hope he can read Portuguese.
11:18Well, that's the last letter.
11:21Wait! Squidward hasn't written his letter yet.
11:24Squidward, hurry! Squidward! Squidward, hurry!
11:31SpongeBob, what are you doing?
11:34Don't worry, Squidward. I'll help you get started.
11:37Dear Santa Claus...
11:39SpongeBob, forget it.
11:41Right, too formal. Hi, Santa.
11:43SpongeBob, no!
11:45Howdy, Claus.
11:47I'm not writing a letter to a figment of your imagination.
11:49But, Squidward, when Santa comes, you'll be the only one without a gift.
11:55SpongeBob, how many times do I have to say it?
11:59I don't believe in Santa Claus!
12:02Come on, Squid. All you have to do is write a letter. What have you got to lose?
12:06My self-respect, my sanity, my lunch.
12:11Squidward, come on!
12:13Come on, Squidward! Don't be a party pooker!
12:17Come on out!
12:19Santa Claus is a big foody!
12:22SpongeBob has got you all fooled!
12:25Oh, come on, Squidward!
12:26Come on! Drop the whole anti-Christmas thing!
12:31Hm. Those idiots are gonna be up all night while I get a full night's sleep.
12:39Oh, Santa's coming tonight, tonight! Santa's coming tonight!
12:46Santa's coming tonight, tonight! Santa's coming tonight!
12:51Come on, everybody! Let's sing till Santa gets here!
12:55Santa's coming tonight, tonight! Santa's coming tonight, tonight! Santa's coming tonight...
13:11Santa's coming tonight!
13:15Hey, where's Santa?
13:19Uh, he should be here any minute.
13:22Santa's coming tonight, tonight.
13:25Santa's coming tonight.
13:27Oh, man!
13:28I'm sorry.
13:32Thanks for the lies, Mr. Fairytale.
13:35Let's go waste our time somewhere else.
13:39Hey, guy.
13:40Where's your Christmas spirit?
13:42He's just running late.
13:44He probably just stopped for a snack.
13:46Fat guys get hungry, right?
13:49Yeah.
13:52Never trusted, Genie.
14:14Morning already?
14:16Oh, boy.
14:18Merry Christmas!
14:22Ho, ho, ho!
14:24Ha, ha, ha!
14:26Merry Christmas!
14:27Wait!
14:29Oh, I see a great Christmas photo up.
14:35Can you move in a little?
14:36Say Santa Claus!
14:39Santa Claus!
14:41Aw, our first Christmas.
14:49This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas.
14:53The first Christmas is this Christmas.
14:56Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me.
15:00Ho, ho, ho, ho!
15:09You were right, Squidward.
15:12This is a stupid holiday.
15:13I still want you to have this.
15:21What? What's this?
15:24A present.
15:25I made it for you so you wouldn't feel left out with Santa Cave!
15:34Oh, gee, you know, I...
15:37You're welcome.
15:38Oh, gee, you know, I love you.
15:41Hunchbop, he made me a present.
15:46It's probably a jellyfish net or an old Krabby Patty or his favorite underpants.
15:55Present.
15:57Why, it looks like a clarinet.
16:04It smells like one, too.
16:07Oh, handcrafted out of driftwood.
16:11And it's even got my name on it.
16:14What's this?
16:22Wow.
16:23This is the greatest gift I have ever gotten.
16:31Oh, I feel like a...
16:34I feel like a...
16:36I feel like a...
16:38Big jerk.
16:41What have I done to poor Spongebob?
16:46Uh, hey, Spongebob, uh...
16:48Hey, Spongebob?
16:49I guess I won't be needing this.
16:53Oh...
16:55That's better.
17:03The poor little guy.
17:06All he wanted was to spread a little joy.
17:09I'd better get this stuff off of Squid's place.
17:12Ho, ho, ho!
17:15Ho, ho, ho!
17:17Ho, ho, ho!
17:18Huh? Hello? Who's there? Huh? Hello?
17:21Ho, ho, ho!
17:23Ho, ho, ho!
17:25Ho, ho, ho!
17:26Hello? Yes? Who's there? Huh? Hello? Show yourself.
17:31Show yourself. Oh, hello? Who is it?
17:34I hear you, dunce!
17:36I mean, uh, Merry Christmas, little boy.
17:40Ah! C-c-could it be?
17:43Yes, it is I, Santa Claus!
17:48Ho, ho, ho!
17:49Ho, ho, ho!
17:50Hey, you're...
17:55Hey, uh...
18:04Just take it easy.
18:06Da-da-da-da-da-da!
18:08Taa-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa-da.
18:11SpongeBob?
18:13SpongeBob?
18:18SpongeBob?
18:21Don't do that again.
18:22I knew you'd make it, Santa!
18:25Hey, Santa! Where's your big non-belly?
18:29Well, uh, that, um, is a result of, uh, undersea pressure on my body.
18:35Where's your reindeer? In your flying machine!
18:38Uh, I loaned them to the Easter Bunny.
18:42And what about that nose? I knew you were supposed to have a big one!
18:47But that thing's gigantic!
18:49All right! I'm Santa!
18:51Santa!
18:53This is the greatest gift you could have given me.
18:56Thank you for bringing Christmas to Bikini Bottom.
19:00I didn't bring Christmas to Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob. You did.
19:06I did?
19:14Merry Christmas, SpongeBob! Merry Christmas!
19:19Phew!
19:21I'm glad that's over.
19:23Do you have a present for me, Santa?
19:26Uh, well, uh, see, I'm not really...
19:30Ah! Go ahead, Santa Claus! See? He is real. He made my Christmas wish come true. He won't let you down.
19:40Uh, right. Just a second.
19:42Okay, quickly, let's see.
19:44Uh, what do little girls like?
19:46Uh, a book of matches? Or a shaving kit?
19:48A copy of my birth certificate?
19:50There's got to be something around here! Pink, pink, pink!
19:54Ah! Perfect!
19:56Here you go, little girl!
19:58Ho, ho, ho!
19:59Yay!
20:00Thanks, Santa!
20:01That almost felt good.
20:03Ahem.
20:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
20:08Uh, d... who?
20:10Hey, Santa! Where's my present?
20:12And mine!
20:13And what about me?
20:15Uh, let's see what Santa has for all you good people!
20:21Thank you, Santa! Yes! For... the good people!
20:25Aha!
20:26A bowl of mashed potatoes for you!
20:30Thank you, Santa! This is just what I wanted!
20:33A new hairstyle!
20:38Thanks, Santa!
20:43Here you go, Patrick!
20:44Whoa!
20:46A wristwatch!
20:56Thank you, Santa!
21:00Thank you, Santa!
21:04What was I thinking?
21:07I gave away all my stuff just so SpongeBob wouldn't be sad!
21:12Am I insane?
21:15You might as well take the door!
21:17That's all that's left!
21:19Squidward! You missed him!
21:21He was here just like I said!
21:23He gave us all presents!
21:24He was jolly and he had a beard!
21:27His nose was big and he had rosy cheeks!
21:30He was friendly and kind and Santa-ish!
21:33Oh, his belly was small but his nose was huge with Christmas joy!
21:37He was so nice!
21:38Well, at least it's over!
21:41Huh?
21:42Watch this!
21:45Dear Squidward,
21:47Thanks for all your help!
21:49You've been a real good boy this year!
21:51Warm Regards!
21:52Santa Clause!
21:53Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
21:54Merry Christmas!
22:24Yep, I'm insane.
22:34Merry Christmas!
22:42Ahoy, Patrick! It's Christmas Island!
22:46Presents ahoy!
22:47Hooray!
22:49Uh-oh, a storm!
22:50Yay! I mean, yikes!
22:52Oh, we're going down!
22:56Trim the sails!
22:57Hoist the yardarms!
22:59Turn on the weather channel!
23:01Oh, hi, kids.
23:05Boy, that SpongeBob makes me as jolly as a Roger.
23:09Well, I hope you enjoyed SpongeBob's Christmas tale,
23:13and I hope your Christmas is better in sunken treasure.
23:17Awww.
23:26Party left me a little Christmas present.
23:29Ha-ha-ho-hi-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he!
23:34Ah, yo, mistletoe.
23:36And you know what that means.
23:39Ah, time for somebody to kiss Patsy the Pirate.
23:42Come on, who's a...
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