00:00When I was in high school, my mom asked me to order a pizza for the family on a Friday night.
00:20I looked up the phone number in the phone book and promptly handed the phone to my older brother to place the call.
00:26I was too shy to talk to a stranger.
00:28Fast forward to college at the University of Illinois, my first time away from my small town.
00:34I spent the first several weeks crying in my dorm room, too homesick to partake in early freshman partying.
00:41The one frat party I did attend was so disappointing, I wanted to trade in my books, abandon my major, and head back home to my small town.
00:49The confident behaviors I needed to pursue this dream were not yet available.
00:54And when I looked around at the confident students walking around me around campus, heads held high, pursuing a dream that they had set out to achieve, I wanted that kind of confidence, too.
01:06But my behaviors did not align with these confident attitudes.
01:11Crying in my dorm room, shying away from social engagement, not showing up for class because I was worried others were smarter than me.
01:17These were not going to lead me to achieve my goal, so what I knew is that I needed to change.
01:24Research tells us that in order to get people to change, you need to not start with the attitudes, but with the behaviors associated with those attitudes.
01:33When people can see themselves behaving differently, they then begin to act differently.
01:39So the questions for me were, who am I, who do I want to become, and how does this person I want to become behave?
01:49The answers were that I wanted a successful career, one that meant something, allowed me to contribute.
01:56And for me, that was defined as a career as a sports executive.
02:00In order to achieve this goal, I needed to begin to act more confidently.
02:05And I did, because 13 years later, I became the first female general manager of a AAA baseball team in nearly 20 years.
02:21I also went on to host the Leadership is Female podcast, where I've interviewed over 90 female executives in sports,
02:28an industry that's over 80% male at management level and above.
02:33And time after time, these women have told me that the number one skill they've improved in order to earn their spot at the top of the sports industry is confidence.
02:43They, like me, did not possess this confidence necessary to increase their level in their career from the get-go.
02:52They had to work on the behaviors associated with this attitude in order to propel their career forward.
02:59So I'm here today to share with you six behaviors you can start today to increase your confidence.
03:07Why is it important to increase our confidence?
03:09Well, think of this.
03:11How would you behave or what could you achieve if you were 10 times more confident?
03:18Number one, count yourself in.
03:21I spoke with a woman about her first time doing sideline reporting at a nationally televised basketball game.
03:27She was shaking in her heels, standing courtside, nerves overtaking her until she heard something familiar in her headset.
03:36We'll be on in five.
03:37And three, two, one, you're live.
03:41And she performed with excellence, the nerves melting away.
03:45She's an athlete, a former basketball player, used to performing on the court by the clock.
03:51And the tactic remained true.
03:53Counting will get you started, and momentum will keep you going.
03:57I have used this technique.
03:59I've had more uncomfortable conversations than I care to recall, but one I'll share with you today.
04:04I vividly remember standing on the warning track of the baseball field, 45 minutes before game time,
04:11looking at the opposing manager and his team wearing the wrong color uniform.
04:15I wanted to turn and run back up to my office and hide.
04:18But instead, I faced him head on, and I said in my mind, three, two, one, go.
04:24And I started walking towards him.
04:27And when I arrived, we had a very uncomfortable conversation about his team wearing the wrong color uniform.
04:32Yes, I had to ask these grown men to change their clothes.
04:35It was so awkward.
04:37But when I asked myself, who am I, and how do I behave?
04:41The answer was that I'm a person who's not too shy to stand up for what I believe, what is right, and stand up to conflict.
04:50Counting got me started, and momentum kept me going.
04:54Number two, what if you only had to be brave for a total of 20 seconds?
05:02Give yourself 20 seconds of courage.
05:05This behavior helped me enormously when I published my podcast, Leadership is Female.
05:11Bold title and all, for all the world to see, hear, critique, and have their opinions.
05:16I vividly remember sitting on the carpet of my closet floor, holding my computer,
05:21looking at the upload button, thinking to myself, does it need any more edits?
05:27Should I listen to it one more time?
05:29And I told myself, Emily, give yourself 20 seconds of courage.
05:34And I hit publish, and it was done.
05:37And guess what?
05:37I kept breathing, and the world kept turning, and the podcast grew into what it was meant to be.
05:42All because of 20 seconds of courage.
05:46Number three, take a seat at the table.
05:49Not metaphorically speaking, actually take a seat at the table.
05:55I spoke with a woman who represents some of the biggest names in baseball,
05:59and she told me a story about taking a seat at the table.
06:02She noticed women waiting around the edges of the room, waiting for the seats to be filled.
06:07And worse yet, she was doing it too.
06:09In order to become the more confident woman that she envisioned herself to be,
06:15she needed to go in, sit down, speak her mind, and get the deal done.
06:20That started with one simple action, taking a seat at the table.
06:25Number four, cheer for other people's success.
06:30They say that women will pull up the ladder behind them.
06:34What if you didn't?
06:35What if you extended a hand back to lead her forward?
06:38What if you celebrated the success of a colleague rather than feeling sorry for yourself
06:43that it was not you accepting the accolades?
06:47Confident people celebrate the success of others rather than feeling threatened.
06:53Think of this great quote from Amy Poehler.
06:56Good for her, not for me.
06:59It turns that pit in your stomach of, oh, she did that and I'm still here,
07:03into, yes, good for her, not for me.
07:07This is her celebration, not mine.
07:10And when my time comes, isn't it going to be great to have the support of so many people
07:15around me?
07:17Wins are so much better celebrated together.
07:21Join in.
07:22Cheer someone else on.
07:24Here's number four in action.
07:26Recently, a woman was promoted to chief marketing officer of a major sports league.
07:31The offer to interview and ultimately land the job came after her public celebration
07:36and sincere congratulatory outreach to the newly named female league president.
07:42Confident people support those around them.
07:46Cheer for someone else's success.
07:49Number five, bolster your confidence for a new activity through your already great performance
07:55in another.
07:57What are you really good at?
07:58What is easier today than it was one year ago?
08:02What is your most proud accomplishment?
08:06Answer those questions.
08:08Think about those answers.
08:10Those answers is where your confidence is born.
08:14Confidence is born in all we've already done and already achieved.
08:19Recently, a woman I interviewed on the Leadership is Female podcast was going after a big, big
08:25promotion at a top team.
08:26Before she went in to pitch her boss, she reviewed her current job description, made notes of her
08:32accolades in all areas mentioned, and then was prepared with the examples and the confidence
08:37of the success she had in the past.
08:40She got the promotion.
08:42Use your prior success to propel yourself forward.
08:46And number six, celebrate constantly.
08:51How often do we reach our goals and then just immediately move on?
08:56When we do this, the recollection of that success is diminished.
09:00How can we confidently move forward if we can't remember what we achieved, or worse yet, link
09:07that accomplishment to stress?
09:08Find ways to celebrate that are meaningful to you, like creating a highlight reel in your
09:15cell phone of your most proud accomplishments.
09:18Take your team out for celebratory drinks when you close the big deal.
09:22Buy yourself a massage, or maybe order a pizza, when you reach your personal goals.
09:27It doesn't matter how you celebrate.
09:29It matters that you do.
09:31This will create a marker in your brain to rewire and reinforce the behaviors that led to the
09:37success in the first place.
09:39I've come a long way from the girl who couldn't order a pizza to the woman who became GM of a
09:45minor league baseball team, started a podcast, and delivered a TEDx talk.
09:49All because I made the decision to become a more confident person.
09:55And I hope you do too.
09:57Because how many runs could you score if you were ten times more confident?
