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  • 6/2/2025
Transcript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:30CastingWords
00:01:59Brian.
00:02:00Please?
00:02:01Any story in particular?
00:02:06Three little pigs, Jack and the Beanstalk?
00:02:09I don't care.
00:02:11Puss in Boots, Rumpelstiltskin?
00:02:15Whatever.
00:02:16Princess and the Pea, Ugly Duckling, Sleeping Beauty?
00:02:21If you like.
00:02:22Brian, what story?
00:02:24Why don't you make one up?
00:02:28Alright.
00:02:31The three little pigs were blown out of their digs
00:02:37And their houses and huts were despoiled
00:02:41The wolf huffed and puffed till the pigs cried enough
00:02:46How can this wicked monster be foiled?
00:02:50Two piggies were eaten before he was beaten
00:02:55Down the chimney the wolf was hard, boy, oh
00:03:00It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:03:04Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:03:09A boy strong and proud climbed way up to the clouds
00:03:19On a product of magic being spinach
00:03:34Brave and defiant, he swindled the giant
00:03:38Whose wealth came from plunder and pillage
00:03:42Then he picked up an axe
00:03:45Then he picked up an axe
00:03:47Gave the beanstalk some wax
00:03:49Dumped the giant on most of the village
00:03:51It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:03:55It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:04:00Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:04:04It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:04:09Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:04:14In the cloak of the night
00:04:16In the cloak of the night
00:04:17I awake with a fright
00:04:19Pull the blanket over my head
00:04:23You can say I'm insane
00:04:26But it's stuck in my brain
00:04:28In those skin skins under my bed
00:04:32Some call it obscene
00:04:43But the violence on screen
00:04:45Vents the internal turmoil of drama
00:04:49Those buckets of gore
00:04:52Were expelled ages before
00:04:55George Romero, Hitchcock, or De Palma
00:04:59And our fears and our stress
00:05:02Through our times been expressed
00:05:04Through the fairytale symbolic trauma
00:05:08It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:13Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:18It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:22Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:27It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:32Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:36It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:41Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:46Once upon a time, a long, long time ago
00:05:49There was a fisherman's son named Peter
00:05:53He was all alone in the world
00:05:56So it came to pass
00:05:58Since he had no money, he was sold into slavery
00:06:01Bought by two evil witches
00:06:04It was that one day he was saved
00:06:06Something else
00:06:07Good?
00:06:09You bet it is
00:06:27It does my heart good to see a handsome lad enjoy my cooking.
00:06:34The secret is baby slugs.
00:06:38The big ones are too chewy.
00:06:41You have to wait for the really rainy days.
00:06:46But you are worth it.
00:06:49You're making me sick.
00:06:52Get up, boy. There's work to be done.
00:06:56You go to the village, find the local person.
00:07:00If I'm not wrong, he fancies himself.
00:07:04Thinks he's quite a lady, isn't it?
00:07:06Are you listening to me, boy?
00:07:10Tell him you know two lovely ladies who are just dying to meet him.
00:07:16Then you lead him here.
00:07:18What lovely ladies?
00:07:19Never you mind.
00:07:21Make sure he has a sip of that.
00:07:26Leave the rest to me.
00:07:34You wouldn't be tricking me now, would you, boy?
00:07:38They are beautiful, huh?
00:07:40Yes, they are.
00:07:43They got all their teeth.
00:07:45Can't kiss a tart with rotten teeth, you know.
00:07:48I wouldn't suppose.
00:07:50Are they sassy?
00:07:51You know.
00:07:52Sassy.
00:07:53Sassy.
00:07:54Sassy, huh?
00:07:55Sassy, huh?
00:07:56Sassy, huh?
00:07:57Boy, what did you say your name was again?
00:07:59Peter?
00:08:00I see you in my church.
00:08:10They're almost here.
00:08:11Well, get ready.
00:08:12Well, get ready.
00:08:13Ah.
00:08:14It's all right, boy.
00:08:15I...
00:08:16I...
00:08:17I...
00:08:18I...
00:08:19I can find my way.
00:08:20Where's my boy?
00:08:22You're not.
00:08:23I'm not.
00:08:24You're not.
00:08:25I'm not.
00:08:26I'm not.
00:08:27No, I'm not.
00:08:28I'm not.
00:08:29I'm not.
00:08:30You're not.
00:08:31I'm not.
00:08:32No, you're not.
00:08:33You're not.
00:08:34He's not.
00:08:35It's all right, boy. I can find my way.
00:08:49Where's my sassy?
00:08:53Oh, crumb.
00:09:05But you ladies have never had such a prominent man as I, huh?
00:09:10Yes.
00:09:19Ah-ha. Ah-ha. Ah-ha.
00:09:23Ah-ha.
00:09:31You little vixens. It's a bit of bondage, eh?
00:09:36Ah-ha-ha.
00:09:42Here.
00:09:44Ah-ha-ha.
00:09:46Boy.
00:09:48Ah-ha-ha-ha.
00:09:50Ah-ha-ha-ha.
00:10:02Has the lad told you that I have the largest parsonage in the district?
00:10:08And my flock adore me.
00:10:10They pray to me, you know.
00:10:16Ah-ha-ha.
00:10:20Mh-mh.
00:10:37Mh-mh.
00:10:39Ah-ha-ha. So that's what you're up to, huh?
00:10:41A king who's a chick-shrickle and squeak?
00:10:44Squeak!
00:10:48How good is this stuff, anyway?
00:10:50It's...get...get the stuff off of me!
00:11:14Help me! Help me!
00:11:22Here we are.
00:11:23Take the divine left hand from a holy man.
00:11:27The one that mirrors his heart.
00:11:30Well, nothing holy about that one.
00:11:33Shh! Pay attention!
00:11:36Brain of a black cat.
00:11:38Heart of an eel.
00:11:40Grind them together until they congeal.
00:11:44Brain of a black cat.
00:11:47Brain of a black cat.
00:11:49What was it, heart of a weasel?
00:11:54No, no, fat old fool! An eel! An eel!
00:11:57I'm not fat!
00:11:59You're not fat!
00:12:03Eel. Eel. No eel!
00:12:07Eel.
00:12:08Eel. Eel. Eel.
00:12:10Eel. Eel. Eel. Eel.
00:12:11Now, grind them together and...
00:12:13I know. I know.
00:12:19That looks pretty congealed.
00:12:22Now, pour in a vial of hemlock and ale
00:12:26and top it all off with a black piggy's tail.
00:12:31Oh, how sweet.
00:12:41Now, my friend, guide us true.
00:12:47Where's our sister?
00:12:50Where's Magoga?
00:12:57West?
00:12:58West?
00:13:01Forfersfield.
00:13:28Peter, come along! Stop playing with a nice man!
00:13:41What have I told you about talking to strangers?
00:13:56Is this it? Did we find her?
00:14:01Shh!
00:14:04Quiet!
00:14:07Quiet!
00:14:08What is it, Magog?
00:14:16She's here.
00:14:20She's here.
00:14:21No!
00:14:48Get out of the way!
00:14:49No way!
00:14:56Do you know it?
00:15:04Oh!
00:15:05Nah, she's here!
00:15:08You're here!
00:15:23I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
00:15:25I'm sorry.
00:15:27No.
00:15:28To be continued...
00:15:58To be continued...
00:16:28To be continued...
00:16:58To be continued...
00:17:28To be continued...
00:17:58To be continued...
00:18:28This is your busy day, boy.
00:18:34Get here, too!
00:18:36You can't lure the sort of girl we need if you're all a mess.
00:18:42Remember, squeaky clean!
00:18:45Here, maybe I'd better help you.
00:18:48No, no, no, no, Ferlinda.
00:18:50I can do it.
00:18:54Come on.
00:18:55Can I have my clothes now?
00:19:02Please, now?
00:19:04Ma'am?
00:19:09What did you mean when you said that sort of girl?
00:19:14Only good time.
00:19:17Ma'am?
00:19:20I don't mind going out and getting you herbs and animals for your magic.
00:19:27But I didn't know you were going to hurt that priest.
00:19:30We do what we have to do.
00:19:33Yeah, but killing people?
00:19:36There are some things you just won't understand.
00:19:40Leave it to Hanagal and me.
00:19:45Leave what to you and me?
00:19:48What's his problem?
00:19:50He don't like you and me killing people.
00:19:53Oh, that's too bad, isn't it?
00:19:58You do as you're told, you lazy turd.
00:20:02Now hurry up, the both of you.
00:20:09Reminds me of myself in my youth.
00:20:13We're not going to hurt him, are we?
00:20:15You can't keep killing people.
00:20:17It's just plain wrong.
00:20:19I don't know what's getting into you.
00:20:21If you won't do this one little thing for me,
00:20:26well, then you can just go on back home.
00:20:32Yes, ma'am.
00:20:34What do you want me to do?
00:20:36You'll get her attention.
00:20:38And I'll sneak up on her with the claw.
00:20:42What do I do?
00:20:45Think of something.
00:20:51Hello.
00:20:58Could I help you with that?
00:20:59I'm fine.
00:21:01Um, I seem to be a little lost.
00:21:05Village is that way.
00:21:09Thanks.
00:21:10So, uh, do you live here by yourself?
00:21:20No, I share the place with a bunch of dwarves.
00:21:22Can I help you with something?
00:21:24I've been pretty much walking for the past few days,
00:21:26and I was wondering, do you have some food or something?
00:21:30A beggar.
00:21:30I-I shouldn't be taking people in, though.
00:21:35Our parson's just been found murdered.
00:21:38I don't know, who knows what kind of lunatic they could be.
00:21:46Take a seat.
00:21:53This bread is very good.
00:21:55Much softer than they make at home.
00:21:58Bake this afternoon.
00:22:00You're staring at me.
00:22:07You're very pretty, Brad.
00:22:10Maybe...
00:22:11Peter, what is it?
00:22:13Oh!
00:22:23Good work.
00:22:24Help me get her into the barrow.
00:22:27We may yet make a wall lock out of you, Katie.
00:22:30Peter!
00:22:31He-he-he-he-he-he!
00:22:32And Hanukkah will be so pleased!
00:22:35He-he-he-he-he!
00:22:36He-he-he-he!
00:22:37He-he-he-he!
00:22:37He-he-he-he-he!
00:22:38He-he-he-he!
00:22:39You two took your own food time.
00:22:41It's almost midnight!
00:22:43He-he-he-he-he!
00:22:44He-he-he-he!
00:22:44He-he-he-he-he!
00:22:44He-he-he-he!
00:22:45He-he-he-he!
00:22:47He-he-he-he!
00:22:48So...
00:22:49So...
00:22:50This is our sacrifice, is it?
00:22:55This is our sacrifice, is it?
00:22:58Now...
00:22:59Come on, don't stand there, give us a hand!
00:23:02Oh!
00:23:03Oh!
00:23:04Well, hasn't she got the loveliest eyes?
00:23:09I want them, after?
00:23:11I get the eyes!
00:23:13You got them last time!
00:23:15I never get anything good!
00:23:18I get the eyes!
00:23:20Well...
00:23:21I claim all the teeth, then!
00:23:24Oh!
00:23:25Come on, it's getting light!
00:23:28Oh!
00:23:29Oh!
00:23:30Oh!
00:23:31Come on, it's getting light!
00:23:33Oh!
00:23:34Oh!
00:23:36Oh!
00:23:37Oh!
00:23:38Oh!
00:23:55Ma'am?
00:23:56What is it?
00:23:58Can I be the one to use the knife?
00:24:03But...
00:24:04Oh, yes!
00:24:05Don't let him!
00:24:06Don't let him. I think he's ready.
00:24:11Now it's too important.
00:24:13You do it.
00:24:15You can kill the next sacrifice.
00:24:20It's time.
00:24:26Go ahead.
00:24:28Make you proud.
00:24:36Don't worry.
00:24:41Stay calm and follow my lead.
00:24:46Go on. Read it.
00:24:48You read it.
00:24:50I can't read.
00:24:52You know I can't read.
00:24:56You worry us.
00:24:58The varitan, demons of the pit, hear us.
00:25:02Lord of the plague,
00:25:04send us the soul of our forsaken sister.
00:25:10Marry her with vestibule.
00:25:14And fill her full of hatred.
00:25:34Or.
00:25:37Or.
00:25:38Or.
00:25:40Or.
00:25:44Or.
00:25:46Or.
00:25:48Or.
00:25:50Or.
00:25:52Oh, my God.
00:26:22Oh, my God.
00:26:52Oh, my God.
00:27:22Oh, my God.
00:27:52Oh, my God.
00:28:22Oh, my God.
00:28:52Oh, my God.
00:29:22You know, it would have been a lot easier if you just ran away
00:29:38when I suggested it.
00:29:39Oh, my God.
00:30:09Oh, my God.
00:30:11Oh, my God.
00:30:39Excuse me, sir, but could you please tell us how to get out of here?
00:30:50You killed my sisters!
00:30:57I'm gonna make this very painful!
00:31:09Ah!
00:31:20Ah!
00:31:22Ah!
00:31:39Ah!
00:31:46Ah!
00:31:51Ah!
00:31:56Ah!
00:32:06Ah!
00:32:09Ah!
00:32:18ORGAN PLAYS
00:32:48Eww, that's a mushy, icky ending.
00:33:00Well, what kind of an ending would you like?
00:33:03Hmm, how about a scary ending?
00:33:06And you'll go to sleep?
00:33:08Promise.
00:33:09Okay.
00:33:11Just then, Magoga jumped back to life and...
00:33:14Better?
00:33:19Much.
00:33:20Okay, good night, kid.
00:33:22Good night.
00:33:23Good night.
00:33:23Good night.
00:33:23Good night.
00:33:53Uncle Mike!
00:33:59Good night.
00:34:04Good night.
00:34:04Good night.
00:34:12Good night.
00:34:13All right.
00:34:43Oh, my!
00:34:53Isn't she just adorable?
00:34:55What now?
00:34:56Thank you. Thank you.
00:34:58What is it?
00:35:01A monster was gonna get me.
00:35:04Oh, Brian, for Christ's sakes, the Miss Nude Bayote competition is on Cablevision right now.
00:35:09One more story, please.
00:35:12Which story?
00:35:15Little Red Riding Hood.
00:35:18Little Red Riding Hood.
00:35:21Okay.
00:35:23Once upon a time, there was a little girl called Rachel.
00:35:27Actually, she wasn't all that little.
00:35:29She was a hot-looking high school senior with clear blue eyes and fine, firm breasts.
00:35:36That's not the way Mommy tells it.
00:35:38Shut up. That's the way I tell it.
00:35:40Anyhow, one day she came home after cheerleading practice and she realized she wanted to go jogging.
00:35:46Okay?
00:35:47No.
00:35:48No.
00:35:50Okay.
00:35:51Okay?
00:35:52No.
00:35:53I'll take it.
00:35:54No.
00:35:55Okay?
00:35:56No, no.
00:35:57We're gonna get this all over a while.
00:35:59Okay.
00:36:00No.
00:38:01I need you to run an errand for your grandmother.
00:38:12Okay, Mom.
00:38:22Uncle Mike, this story stinks.
00:38:24Where's the big bad wolf?
00:38:25Isn't there supposed to be a big bad wolf?
00:38:28Well, yeah, I'm getting to that.
00:38:30Meanwhile, across town there lived this guy named Willie.
00:38:33Was he a wolf?
00:38:34Well, no.
00:38:36Technically, he wasn't.
00:38:37Not full-time, anyway.
00:38:38What's happening, my man?
00:38:53Got a little present for you from the islands.
00:38:56Really?
00:38:57How lovely.
00:38:58Hmm.
00:38:59I'll save that for my vacation.
00:39:02Enjoy.
00:39:03Lunch hour.
00:39:05So, how much do I owe you this time?
00:39:08Uh, 25 will do it.
00:39:10I can only get seven for you this time.
00:39:12Yeah, we had an arrangement.
00:39:13I don't know.
00:39:15Just, uh, raise the price when you resell them.
00:39:19Yeah, sure.
00:39:23I don't know who would take this shit anyhow.
00:39:25Frankly, I took two of these to knock me out for two days one time.
00:39:30Excuse me.
00:39:30Oh, yes, ma'am.
00:39:31What can I do for you?
00:39:32Well, I'm here to pick up a prescription for my grandmother.
00:39:35Name's Krieger.
00:39:36Uh-huh.
00:39:37Is this a house account?
00:39:38Uh, yeah.
00:39:40Oh, all out of the charge flips.
00:39:41I'll be right back.
00:39:50So, what's your name?
00:39:53Rachel.
00:39:54That's a pretty name.
00:39:56Biblical, huh?
00:39:58I wouldn't know.
00:40:00I'm not doing anything later.
00:40:03None of your business.
00:40:05We are, Ms. Krieger.
00:40:07She'll just sign here.
00:40:08Okay.
00:40:09Rachel.
00:40:11Rachel.
00:40:11Um, where?
00:40:12Just anywhere on the bottom's fine.
00:40:17There you go.
00:40:20Bye-bye.
00:40:20Bye.
00:40:21Always a pleasure.
00:40:27Take this.
00:40:30We'll help you forget.
00:40:32Right.
00:40:33Bye.
00:40:46Sorry.
00:40:47Where were you?
00:40:51Just running.
00:40:52Yeah.
00:40:53Where were you?
00:40:55I'm waiting for you.
00:41:00Hi.
00:41:02Hi.
00:41:02Hi.
00:41:12Not here.
00:41:16You're not going to back on me again, are you?
00:41:18You want to go someplace else?
00:41:25Yes.
00:41:55You gave me the god damn grandmother's medicine.
00:42:10What are you talking about?
00:42:15Oh, shit.
00:42:16Oh, shit is right.
00:42:18I need those pills.
00:42:20Well, maybe you should ask Granny for them.
00:42:23Maybe you should ask Granny tomorrow morning.
00:42:25She's gonna be sleeping pretty well tonight.
00:42:26Just give me your address, then, quick.
00:42:28Oh, man, I can't do that.
00:42:31Listen to me, you shit.
00:42:34If I'm not out-called by Moonrise tonight...
00:42:46Give me your address.
00:42:48Now.
00:42:53Here we are.
00:43:08This is it.
00:43:09You're serious, aren't you?
00:43:12What do you think?
00:43:14How very classy.
00:43:20Well, lucky for you...
00:43:23I just happen to have some candles...
00:43:26and an air mattress.
00:43:29How very spontaneous.
00:43:33Um, did you happen to bring an air pump by any chance?
00:43:37And the rapid rainin', right?
00:43:38There's a little air to the floor.
00:43:40I don't think it's good.
00:43:42And the leaders of the environment,
00:43:43they don't include singing with a natural nose.
00:43:44Then when the roof is very bloom,
00:43:45they're developed by the Clapham of the Light- Rip.
00:43:46So, that's, so, the sun will be found.
00:43:48Maybe, when the sun goes around to the spring,
00:43:51they're like, all they've made the energy,
00:43:52So, what, doesn't Becky voisin much?
00:43:53Yes, can I help you?
00:44:18Yeah, hi, um, is Rachel here?
00:44:21No.
00:44:23She's not here.
00:44:35What's your name?
00:44:40Willie.
00:44:41Willie.
00:44:42Huh?
00:44:43If you leave your number, I'll have it call you.
00:44:47No, you can't do that.
00:44:48You see, it's kind of important.
00:44:50Can I just come inside?
00:44:51Oh, absolutely not.
00:44:53No, if you can't leave your number, you'll have to go.
00:44:56Excuse me.
00:44:57Open the door.
00:45:11I will not.
00:45:12Now you go away or I'll call the police.
00:45:16Lady, will you just open the door?
00:45:21Ladies.
00:45:22Ladies.
00:45:23Ladies.
00:45:24Open the fucking door.
00:45:28Come on, ladies.
00:45:30I have a meat cleaver here and I know how to use it.
00:45:34Don't do that.
00:45:34Give me a knife.
00:45:39Nobody use it.
00:45:46Get away of me.
00:45:47Don't do that.
00:45:48Oh.
00:45:49Oh.
00:45:50Oh.
00:45:50Oh.
00:45:51Oh.
00:45:52Oh.
00:45:54Oh.
00:45:55Oh.
00:45:56Oh.
00:45:57Oh, my God.
00:46:23Oh, wait. I gotta pee.
00:46:27Oh, my God.
00:46:57Oh, my God.
00:46:59Oh, my God.
00:47:01I'm back.
00:47:03I'm back.
00:47:15I missed you.
00:47:25Hi.
00:47:26Hi.
00:47:27Hi.
00:47:38What's the matter now?
00:47:40I'm making love here.
00:47:43Spiders.
00:47:46Nah.
00:47:48It's too cold for spiders.
00:47:53You scared?
00:47:54I'm back.
00:48:14Max.
00:48:16Oh, my God.
00:48:46Oh, my God.
00:49:16I'm ready.
00:49:18I don't look any different.
00:49:45What?
00:49:48Nothing.
00:49:56Did you hear that?
00:50:06I don't hear anything.
00:50:11I don't hear anything.
00:50:41I don't hear anything.
00:50:42I don't hear anything.
00:50:43I don't hear anything.
00:50:44I don't hear anything.
00:50:45I don't hear anything.
00:50:47I don't hear anything.
00:50:48I don't hear anything.
00:50:50I don't hear anything.
00:50:51I don't hear anything.
00:50:53I don't hear anything.
00:50:54I don't hear anything.
00:50:55I don't hear anything.
00:50:56I don't hear anything.
00:50:57I don't hear anything.
00:50:58It's getting late.
00:50:59What time is it?
00:51:00I don't know.
00:51:01Must be about 6.
00:51:02Shit.
00:51:03My grandmother's gonna kill me.
00:51:05I don't hear anything.
00:51:06I don't know.
00:51:07I don't know.
00:51:08I don't know.
00:51:09I don't know.
00:51:10You don't know.
00:51:11I don't know.
00:51:13What do you think?
00:51:15I don't know.
00:51:45I don't know.
00:52:15I don't know.
00:52:45I don't know.
00:52:55Who's there?
00:52:57Stop it!
00:52:59Stop it!
00:53:01I don't know.
00:53:13I don't know.
00:53:15I don't know.
00:53:19I don't know.
00:53:23Well, we're here.
00:53:37You don't want me to walk you to the door?
00:53:39No.
00:53:40I'm in enough trouble.
00:53:41Wait here.
00:53:42I'll be back.
00:53:45Graham?
00:53:49Graham?
00:53:53Graham?
00:53:57Graham?
00:53:59Graham?
00:54:09Graham?
00:54:11Graham?
00:54:21Graham?
00:54:23Graham?
00:54:24Graham?
00:54:25Graham?
00:54:27Graham?
00:54:29Graham?
00:54:30Graham?
00:54:31Graham?
00:54:32Graham?
00:54:33Graham?
00:54:35Graham?
00:54:36Yeah?
00:54:37Yeah?
00:54:38Hey?
00:54:39Operator, please, something terrible has happened.
00:54:43We'll send an ambulance.
00:54:45My address is 80 Oakley Road.
00:54:48Please hurry.
00:55:09Ah!
00:55:11Schuss!
00:55:13RUN!
00:55:18RUN!
00:55:19RUN!
00:55:21RUN!
00:55:23RUN!
00:55:24Oh, man.
00:55:38Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:55:43Dr. Martin.
00:55:51Dr. Martin, please dial 3-1-4.
00:55:56Dr. Martin, Dr. Martin, please dial 3-1-4.
00:56:00Don't you think it's time you headed home?
00:56:03It's my fault.
00:56:04How can you say that?
00:56:07I want to be here when she wakes up.
00:56:12Can I get you some tea or something?
00:56:14No.
00:56:15No.
00:56:16Call 119.
00:56:18Urgent.
00:56:19Dr. Edmund.
00:56:20Dr. Edmund.
00:56:21I'm sorry.
00:56:26Graham?
00:56:29Rachel?
00:56:32Oh, Rachel.
00:56:34Grandma, I'm so worried.
00:56:36Oh, it's okay.
00:56:41It's okay.
00:56:42How do you feel?
00:56:44I ran to the door.
00:56:46The best to jump me from behind.
00:56:56I'm so sorry.
00:56:58I should have...
00:57:00Grim, are you all right?
00:57:06I'm sorry.
00:57:07Grandma, what big teeth you have.
00:57:15Red Riding Hood is grabbed in a frenzy of snarls and growls.
00:57:20Ripped apart.
00:57:21And unfortunately, no one lived happily ever after.
00:57:24The end.
00:57:24Good night.
00:57:25Good night.
00:57:26Uncle Mike?
00:57:56Ah! Monster!
00:58:24There is no monster in here. There's no monster in here. Nothing here, nothing here. Definite deficit of monsters in here, isn't there?
00:58:33No monster in here. Nothing in here. Okay, so you see there's no monster in this room, right?
00:58:40Just one more story, please. Goldilocks and the three bears, please.
00:58:44No. Just one, please. No, no, no. No more. It's time to go to bed.
00:58:51Brian, no, no, no. Brian!
00:58:57Once upon a time, on a bright sunny spring day, while the birds were singing and the bees were being, there lived Papa Bear and Mama Bear and Baby Bear and a little girl named Goldilocks.
00:59:16All right, all right. Just what do you two think you're doing?
00:59:31We're going home. Sure you are. Maybe you'd like some money to take along with you.
00:59:36Sure, that'd be real. Let me handle this. Now we don't want any problems from you, pal. We'll be out of here in a few minutes.
00:59:42Okay, okay. Why don't you just give me that gun before you get yourselves in trouble?
00:59:51Now don't try anything funny. Look, Dad. It's Mama!
00:59:55Oh, no. I'm not falling for that old one.
01:00:12Oh, I am sorry. I am late.
01:00:17But you wouldn't believe the day I had one thing after another.
01:00:20First, this morning, I get a phone call.
01:00:22Miss Von Rie got his head stuck in the revolving door, so they canceled my 3.30 hairdresser.
01:00:26Then, I'm sitting down wanting Donahue.
01:00:28Why don't you tell us on the way?
01:00:30Oh, yes.
01:00:36Hang on, boys.
01:00:38Heads up!
01:00:39Swing!
01:00:40Ha ha!
01:00:41Where I'm in, ha ha.
01:00:42Where I'm in, ha ha.
01:00:43Where I'm in, ha ha.
01:00:44Where I'm in, ha ha ha.
01:00:45As well as in, ha ha ha!
01:00:46Where I'm in, ha ha ha!
01:00:48Where I'm in, ha ha ha!
01:00:49I'm in, ha ha ha!
01:00:51Don't have time to talk, I'm late for vacation.
01:00:54I'm in, ha ha ha!
01:00:57Only grace him the first time.
01:00:59life these days can be a mess daily decisions lead to stress are you dreading what each brand
01:01:08day might bring are there voices in your head do you dive beneath the bed every time the phone
01:01:15begins to ring well if your psyche's all under there's a place where you can roam where folks
01:01:21are leaving baskets and eating flies and having fun papa what i have to go
01:01:29oh baby you should have thought of that before we left the asylum happens every time we go anyway
01:01:34we stop for ice cream no just where are we going anyway remember that nice little house we used
01:01:43to live in i think it's vacant now oh yeah the one in amityville about the sea world may be bliss and
01:01:52there is nothing wrong with this though still you can't have trouble finding dates if you need a
01:01:58place to play find yourself a hideaway after all it worked for norman bates
01:02:03it's not that i'm not flattered it's just that i'm well not ready to make that kind of commitment
01:02:11i'm sorry things didn't work out between us you are kind of cute
01:02:19will you be quiet well i guess we better head inside
01:02:33I really should be angry at you.
01:02:44You boys are all the same.
01:02:47Just want one thing and one thing only.
01:02:50Just like all the rest.
01:02:52Afternoon, boys!
01:02:55Why don't you give us a kiss?
01:02:58Yes. What kind of girl do you think I am?
01:03:06That guy.
01:03:07Let's see.
01:03:08Am I right?
01:03:09Norman, this is Fred. Fred, Norman, you two should get along well together. You have a lot in common.
01:03:16Time for News View from the Channel 12 News.
01:03:21This morning, the calm serenity of the saints preserve us home for the helplessly insane.
01:03:27was shattered by the bloody breakout of Beresford Papa Bear and Wilmont Baby Bear,
01:03:35who are each serving combined sentences of 4,726 years for their assorted crimes.
01:03:44With me is Lieutenant Jack B. Nimble of the Metro Police.
01:03:48Tell me, Lieutenant, are there any new developments in the breakout?
01:03:51Our best clue so far is a set of tire tracks from the car.
01:03:54Surely there are quite a few cars with similar tread patterns.
01:04:00But not with dentures in them.
01:04:02In addition to the Bear family's bloody escape today, police believe the murderous Goldie Locks,
01:04:08who escaped last week, is now in our vicinity.
01:04:11Miss Locks, who has been periodically institutionalized since the age of eight,
01:04:15exhibits extreme psychotic behavior, and is believed to be responsible for the deaths of at least 14 people,
01:04:21including her own parents.
01:04:23I'm standing here with Captain Jack B. Quick.
01:04:27I'm the darling of the media already.
01:04:30Captain Quick, tell me, what is your strategy?
01:04:34That is, exactly what measures are being taken to end the ghastly, murderous spree of Miss Locks?
01:04:43Well, uh, we plan to arrest her and, of course, put her in jail.
01:04:48That ought to do it.
01:04:49Moreover, it has been alleged, although this reporter finds it highly unlikely,
01:04:54that Miss Locks has some unusual psychic powers.
01:04:57Although we hasten to add, this has never been confirmed.
01:05:01In other news, President...
01:05:02Consider it confirmed.
01:05:11Are we almost there yet?
01:05:14I'm hungry.
01:05:16Oh, there's a picnic basket there in the back, dear.
01:05:19Now we're getting somewhere.
01:05:27What the hell is this?
01:05:29Porridge.
01:05:30Why must we always have porridge?
01:05:33Don't you know how to make anything but porridge?
01:05:36Tradition.
01:05:37Well, let's start a new tradition.
01:05:39Steak, pork, yak.
01:05:41Anything but porridge.
01:05:43You know we can't afford steak.
01:05:45Not on your salary.
01:05:46Which, at the moment, is nothing.
01:05:48Right.
01:05:49We need money.
01:05:52How about welfare?
01:05:54What?
01:05:54Welfare?
01:05:56That's ridiculous.
01:05:57Our family will get our money the way we've always gotten it.
01:06:00Honorable.
01:06:09Hey!
01:06:10Hey, you can't do that!
01:06:11Stop!
01:06:13You can't do that!
01:06:14Bye-bye.
01:06:35And that was the scene today as the notorious Behr family successfully pulled off a daring daylight robbery.
01:06:46I'm fortunate enough to have in the studio with me today
01:06:49Lieutenant Nimble of the area police in charge of the Behr family apprehension
01:06:53and Captain Quick of the state police in charge of the LOX investigation.
01:06:59Gentlemen, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to be with us today.
01:07:03Sure.
01:07:03Anything to get on television.
01:07:07Captain Quick, what do you think the recent murder sprees say about today's society?
01:07:12I don't know.
01:07:14Well, it's because of today's permissive sex and recreational violence.
01:07:22It's like a huge festering puss war and it just keeps getting larger and bigger and grows larger and larger
01:07:31until it explodes, covering us all with a sticky, slimy, smelly mess.
01:07:37It's like when you're laid down with dogs, you get up with puppies, sir.
01:07:41Well, let's follow that up, Lieutenant Nimble.
01:07:43In cases such as these, what are the chances for a successful rehabilitation?
01:07:48Oh, I think...
01:07:48You've got to catch him first.
01:07:50What?
01:07:51You have to catch him first.
01:07:53What do you mean by that?
01:07:54Nothing.
01:07:55Remember, I've seen you in action.
01:07:57Are you saying I'm a bad cop?
01:07:59Yeah, I'm calling you a bad cop.
01:08:00Oh, yeah?
01:08:01Hey, fellas, you're on the air.
01:08:02Oh, I ought to...
01:08:03Oh, hey.
01:08:04Oh, hey.
01:08:05Oh, oh.
01:08:06Oh, oh.
01:08:07Oh, oh.
01:08:07Oh, oh.
01:08:08Oh, video tape.
01:08:09Oh.
01:08:09Someone's in there, all right.
01:08:23My, my, yeah.
01:08:28Maybe we could throw in a few of these, just to soften up the area.
01:08:32At the community college, silly, I took pyrotechnics, hand-to-hand combat, and...
01:08:38What else?
01:08:38Oh, yes, macrame.
01:08:42Nah, too messy.
01:08:44Let's go in with the old Avon lady bit.
01:08:48Just cover us with the Uzi.
01:08:50Oh, oh.
01:08:55Yeah, oh, oh, yeah.
01:09:08Someone's sleeping in my bed.
01:09:26Someone's sleeping in my bed.
01:09:29Somebody's sleeping in my bed.
01:09:34I like walking in the rain.
01:09:36You're expecting perhaps Janet Leigh?
01:09:57All right.
01:09:59All right.
01:10:00Get out!
01:10:06Look what I found.
01:10:07I'm sorry.
01:10:08I didn't think anyone lived here.
01:10:10Aren't you cute?
01:10:12What's your name, honey?
01:10:13Goldie.
01:10:14Goldie Locks.
01:10:15Actually, it's Goldie.
01:10:16I was born during the Six-Day War.
01:10:18Isn't she darling?
01:10:20Shall I waste a deal?
01:10:21No, don't.
01:10:22I'm...
01:10:22I wouldn't be much father.
01:10:23I can cook and do all sorts of things.
01:10:26Well, I don't know.
01:10:28What do you think, Mama?
01:10:28I think she'll fit in just fine around here.
01:10:32She'll be like the daughter we never had.
01:10:34And you'll be like the parents I brutally slaughtered.
01:10:38She's been spotted here, here, and here.
01:10:42Now, our reconnaissance says she has to be here in this deserted house.
01:10:47So, here's the plan of action.
01:10:49In one hour, we'll form on the highway just outside the house.
01:10:53Once we group, we go in and plane close cars.
01:10:56We'll line up out front and wait for her to come out.
01:11:01And bring plenty of firepower, boys.
01:11:03This little girl's our dynamo.
01:11:11Oh, you must have been a beautiful baby.
01:11:15You must have been a beautiful child.
01:11:18Oh, oh.
01:11:26Oh, hello, baby.
01:11:39You startled me.
01:11:40Gee, I'm sorry.
01:11:43Papa asked me to bury these guys.
01:11:48So tell me, why did they call you baby anyway?
01:11:52I don't know.
01:11:55I guess I got it when I was younger.
01:11:57Oh.
01:12:00I like you, baby.
01:12:04You're so different.
01:12:08Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:12:09I'm just a regular guy.
01:12:11No, don't ever say that.
01:12:14You've got to be different from the rest.
01:12:16I like you, too, Goldie.
01:12:20Kiss me.
01:12:31What are you doing about?
01:12:32Wow!
01:12:33What a woman!
01:12:39I love you.
01:12:42I love you.
01:12:43I love you.
01:12:44Baby!
01:12:44I love you.
01:12:45Baby!
01:12:46Baby!
01:12:47Baby!
01:12:47I love you.
01:12:48Baby!
01:12:48I love you.
01:12:50Baby!
01:12:51Baby!
01:12:52No!
01:12:53Too rough!
01:12:54No!
01:12:55Baby!
01:12:55No!
01:12:55Ow!
01:12:56No!
01:12:56No!
01:12:57No!
01:12:57No!
01:12:58Baby!
01:12:59Baby!
01:12:59Baby!
01:13:00Baby!
01:13:00Baby!
01:13:15Oh, finally, I fell.
01:13:19Sorry, boys.
01:13:32Close me.
01:13:33We know the bears are holed up in that house across the field.
01:13:36Now, considering the shrewd criminal mind we're dealing with...
01:13:39Close me not.
01:13:41We decided to enter through the rear.
01:13:43That's my idea.
01:13:45She loves me.
01:13:47You spell the name N-I-M...
01:13:49Close me not.
01:13:50P-L-E.
01:13:51Now, in case they're shooting, remember, drop low and to my right.
01:13:55That's my best side.
01:13:59She loves me.
01:14:03We thank thee, Lord, for what we are about to receive.
01:14:09Horrors again?
01:14:10All the commotion. I didn't have the time to go to the store today.
01:14:15And on top of all that, it's too hot!
01:14:19What'll we do?
01:14:21Well, why don't we go for a walk until it cools?
01:14:28Nah, screw it. Let's go get a pizza.
01:14:30Yeah.
01:14:33Papa!
01:14:35I have to go!
01:14:38Yo!
01:15:00No way, I told you. I don't like hairy fish.
01:15:14All right, no anchovies. Do you want anything else?
01:15:17Can I have a drink, Papa?
01:15:19Sure, why not?
01:15:21I'll have a double bourbon and whiskey, please.
01:15:24I'll have a you-hoo.
01:15:26No, no you-hoo. Choco-pop, okay?
01:15:28What about you, little princess?
01:15:32Coke.
01:15:33She's one of the bunch of wheels.
01:15:42All right, men. That's far enough.
01:15:46On these positions, we have optimum viewing capacity.
01:15:50I don't want anyone to advance further until you hear my signal.
01:15:54The thing to do here is to remain calm, alert, and relaxed.
01:15:59The key is not to overreact.
01:16:02I'm getting too old for this type of life.
01:16:05I didn't want you to be part of it.
01:16:08I had other plans for you.
01:16:10Senator Bear.
01:16:12Governor Bear.
01:16:15President Bear.
01:16:16Not this.
01:16:19If only we could just settle down quietly somewheres.
01:16:23Well, not now.
01:16:24We're probably on every police blotter in the country.
01:16:26Where will we go?
01:16:27What do we do?
01:16:29California.
01:16:30We'd probably blend in there.
01:16:31Nobody would notice us there.
01:16:33Yeah.
01:16:34And you can become one of them television preachers.
01:17:07And so the scene here is total carnage.
01:17:25To repeat, the infamous Bear gang has been wiped out by a fierce firefight that utilized
01:17:32the combined efforts of local authorities and the state police.
01:17:36In addition, the report is that little Goldie Locks, who is known to have killed a dozen
01:17:43plus people, was also consumed in the fray.
01:17:48There are a great many bodies found on the scene so far.
01:17:53And two coats.
01:17:54Though it is doubtful that the police will ever be able to positively identify any of the remains.
01:18:00I can't breathe.
01:18:01In addition, there are the following injuries.
01:18:05Seven of those who have killed a dozen, twelve state police wounded, as well as police.
01:18:11And one of those who have killed a dozen.
01:18:24Aimee friend has accused me of controlling him.
01:18:28and they all lived happily ever after
01:18:44though not everyone they came across was so lucky
01:18:50okay no more stories no more stories okay
01:18:57good night night
01:19:00uncle mike
01:19:11thank you
01:19:27it's now the big moment when we crown Miss Lude Bayonne
01:19:48no
01:19:55nah
01:19:59i was leaning on an oak tree i was looking pretty tough when these kicking red sweats jammies came by running through the rough she was wearing hot pink nikes and she sprinted through the wood she had sexy thighs and her big blue eyes were peeking through her hood
01:20:21oh
01:20:28hey you wear red why don't you wait for me
01:20:31did you hear what i said
01:20:33i said can you slow down please
01:20:36you don't have to run we can have some fun
01:20:40honey don't you really tease
01:20:44i got a cold wet nose
01:20:47real flashy clothes
01:20:49and i burn
01:20:50to be your pet
01:20:52i got lonely pangs
01:20:55so ignore my fangs
01:20:57i ain't bit no one yet
01:21:01but she said no
01:21:02but she said no
01:21:03she just kept going
01:21:04and jogged down that trail
01:21:06i don't know whoop
01:21:07i never give up
01:21:08just a whoop
01:21:09after a tail
01:21:11oh
01:21:12hey you and red why don't you wait for me
01:21:20whoa
01:21:21whoa that red
01:21:22come on
01:21:23slow down please
01:21:25you don't have to run
01:21:27we can have some fun
01:21:29honey
01:21:30don't you be a tease
01:21:33i said hey cute little pants
01:21:36give me a chance
01:21:37let me see
01:21:38what's in your basket
01:21:41i'll be good to you
01:21:43i'll do just what you wanna do
01:21:46all you got to do is ask it
01:21:49i was grasping at straws
01:21:52sprained my two back paws
01:21:55stumbling after her
01:21:58so i yelled
01:22:00i'm a wolf among men
01:22:02come on back to my den
01:22:04when your fingers threw my foot
01:22:07oh
01:22:09oh
01:22:10oh
01:22:11oh
01:22:12i hate you in red why can't you wait for me
01:22:18slow down that red
01:22:20you know this ain't the grand prix
01:22:22forget your mama's advice
01:22:24the wolves can be nice
01:22:27just wait up and
01:22:28you'll see
01:22:29oh
01:22:32oh
01:22:35oh
01:22:35Come on.